Mefi datafun July 14, 2010 7:06 AM   Subscribe

Infodump fun with the fabulous Fishbike!

So in the midst of a unrelated thread, someone asked this interesting question: "What's the record for highest percentage of posts from a single user in a thread with over 200 comments?" I sent a Mefimail to Fishbike about this, to which he replied that this has been looked at before in a previous infodump thread. But since that was almost a year ago, he ran the numbers again and agreed to allowing me to post the info, so enjoy the delicious data dump:

"All right, here we go. I dug up the query from a year ago and modified it slightly to look at threads with 200 comments or more (instead of the original 50). Based on Saturday's Infodump data, the highest percentage of comments from a single user in a thread now looks like this:

62% of 281 comments by bradlands in MetaFilter thread 27495 ("Fun with Puns")

40% of 223 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 41768 ("UK Election 2005")

39% of 476 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 55140 ("Washington D.C. Pages and Interns")

35% of 276 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 57217 ("The Duke lacrosse rape case")

32% of 1194 comments by peeping_Thomist in MetaFilter thread 51500 ("Political Science & Promiscuity")

32% of 272 comments by Jon-o in MetaFilter thread 81805 ("Taking back the catalytic converter.")

30% of 585 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 39609 ("It's not about the sex.")

30% of 250 comments by grumblebee in MetaFilter thread 56510 ("AtheistFilter (oh God not again!)")

28% of 524 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 64194 ("How many does that make now?")

27% of 318 comments by If I Had An Anus in MetaTalk thread 9824 ("Bug in AskMe posting?")

27% of 415 comments by The Whelk in MetaTalk thread 19076 ("April Fools")

27% of 244 comments by Heywood Mogroot in MetaFilter thread 47825 ("NY Times reports NSA is "data mining" domestic telecommunications")

27% of 216 comments by Eideteker in MetaFilter thread 79586 ("Science fiction stories in six words.")

26% of 547 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 48160 ("Hear ye hear ye!")

25% of 621 comments by Effigy2000 in MetaFilter thread 65537 ("Australian Federal Election 2007 on November 24")

25% of 213 comments by Cranberry in MetaTalk thread 11442 ("dtmfa!")

25% of 229 comments by SpaceCadet in MetaFilter thread 28947 ("Unmarried America")

25% of 585 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 39609 ("It's not about the sex.")

24% of 621 comments by UbuRoivas in MetaFilter thread 65537 ("Australian Federal Election 2007 on November 24")

24% of 271 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 57656 ("[newsfilter] The surge starts now.")

24% of 298 comments by AlexReynolds in MetaTalk thread 9138 ("Piracy of Calvin and Hobbes.")

24% of 274 comments by Sys Rq in MetaTalk thread 18226 ("20,000 and still counting...")

24% of 251 comments by lodurr in MetaFilter thread 83367 ("a pink sliver of rat brain sat in a beaker")

24% of 217 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 62783 ("DC Madam does it!")

23% of 506 comments by FishBike in MetaTalk thread 18085 ("Infodump 2.0")"
posted by new brand day to MetaFilter-Related at 7:06 AM (127 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

32% of 1194

o_O
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:09 AM on July 14, 2010 [3 favorites]


I see evidence of the Longboat!
posted by OmieWise at 7:10 AM on July 14, 2010


I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad that I finally made it onto one of my own lists. As a result of an Infodump thread, how perfect is that?
posted by FishBike at 7:13 AM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


I hope bradland's epic pun-athon will always be at the top.
posted by Think_Long at 7:13 AM on July 14, 2010 [3 favorites]


ericb and amberglow seem to get into long conversations (with other people) pretty often.
posted by Night_owl at 7:13 AM on July 14, 2010


Well, ericb is the research master. He doesn't always converse so much as provide new links and information.
posted by ocherdraco at 7:16 AM on July 14, 2010


If no one else comments I will have a pretty high percentage of this thread.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:21 AM on July 14, 2010


27% of 415 comments by The Whelk

What the hell was that threa-

Oh.

Oh I see.

nevermind
posted by The Whelk at 7:22 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


32% of 1194

If my math is right that is 382 comments. Good God. It takes me months to make 382 comments.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:23 AM on July 14, 2010


If no one else comments I will have a pretty high percentage of this thread.

Just another 193 comments and you'll be top of the leader board.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:24 AM on July 14, 2010


amberglow hasn't been around for 2.5 years. Amazing he still charts so high.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:24 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's the high score list, right? I never could make it onto those things...
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 7:25 AM on July 14, 2010


Wow. If I hit more than 2 or 3 comments on a single thread it's unusual.
posted by zarq at 7:25 AM on July 14, 2010


Linkified:

62% of 281 comments by bradlands in MetaFilter thread 27495 ("Fun with Puns")

40% of 223 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 41768 ("UK Election 2005")

39% of 476 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 55140 ("Washington D.C. Pages and Interns")

35% of 276 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 57217 ("The Duke lacrosse rape case")

32% of 1194 comments by peeping_Thomist in MetaFilter thread 51500 ("Political Science & Promiscuity")

32% of 272 comments by Jon-o in MetaFilter thread 81805 ("Taking back the catalytic converter.")

30% of 585 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 39609 ("It's not about the sex.")

30% of 250 comments by grumblebee in MetaFilter thread 56510 ("AtheistFilter (oh God not again!)")

28% of 524 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 64194 ("How many does that make now?")

27% of 318 comments by If I Had An Anus in MetaTalk thread 9824 ("Bug in AskMe posting?")

27% of 415 comments by The Whelk in MetaTalk thread 19076 ("April Fools")

27% of 244 comments by Heywood Mogroot in MetaFilter thread 47825 ("NY Times reports NSA is "data mining" domestic telecommunications")

27% of 216 comments by Eideteker in MetaFilter thread 79586 ("Science fiction stories in six words.")

26% of 547 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 48160 ("Hear ye hear ye!")

25% of 621 comments by Effigy2000 in MetaFilter thread 65537 ("Australian Federal Election 2007 on November 24")

25% of 213 comments by Cranberry in MetaTalk thread 11442 ("dtmfa!")

25% of 229 comments by SpaceCadet in MetaFilter thread 28947 ("Unmarried America")

25% of 585 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 39609 ("It's not about the sex.")

24% of 621 comments by UbuRoivas in MetaFilter thread 65537 ("Australian Federal Election 2007 on November 24")

24% of 271 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 57656 ("[newsfilter] The surge starts now.")

24% of 298 comments by AlexReynolds in MetaTalk thread 9138 ("Piracy of Calvin and Hobbes.")

24% of 274 comments by Sys Rq in MetaTalk thread 18226 ("20,000 and still counting...")

24% of 251 comments by lodurr in MetaFilter thread 83367 ("a pink sliver of rat brain sat in a beaker")

24% of 217 comments by amberglow in MetaFilter thread 62783 ("DC Madam does it!")

23% of 506 comments by FishBike in MetaTalk thread 18085 ("Infodump 2.0")"
posted by ocha-no-mizu at 7:28 AM on July 14, 2010 [14 favorites]


Wait, so do we have a scoreboard on the most comments in a thread? I mean, the actual amount, not relative to the number of comments?

I ask this because the first thing I thought of when I saw this was this thread, and the fact that I logged 102 comments there. Given the hugeness of the thread, that doesn't put me remotely in the league of the percentages of people listed above here, but just logging 102 comments in a single metatalk thread ought to put me in the top ten of something, I figure.
posted by koeselitz at 7:31 AM on July 14, 2010


some games you lose just by playing.
posted by The Whelk at 7:32 AM on July 14, 2010 [3 favorites]


62% of 281 comments by bradlands in MetaFilter thread 27495 ("Fun with Puns")

Whooooooooaaaaaa, Tom said at length.
posted by DU at 7:33 AM on July 14, 2010 [4 favorites]


Wait, so do we have a scoreboard on the most comments in a thread? I mean, the actual amount, not relative to the number of comments?

Yep, it's here. Also a year old, also would be happy to update it and repost it in this thread when I get home this evening. Of course, if anybody else wants to do it first, go right ahead.
posted by FishBike at 7:37 AM on July 14, 2010


"27% of 216 comments by Eideteker in MetaFilter thread 79586 ("Science fiction stories in six words.")"

This is pretty much my crowning achievement. I probably should just disable my account, because it's all downhill from there.

"I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad that I finally made it onto one of my own lists. As a result of an Infodump thread, how perfect is that?"

Hey, if you keep commenting here, we can probably get some sort of recursiony thingie happening.
posted by Eideteker at 7:41 AM on July 14, 2010


I wonder what my personal record is? It can't be more than 10. Oh wait....I just checked. It was 40 comments in the 5555 comment thread introducing Palin as McCain's running mate.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:42 AM on July 14, 2010


Once again, I see I'm going to have to step my game up. Expect to see the next thread that goes over 200, a huge volume of comments from me arguing bitterly that "this point is wrong" immediately to be followed up with a long string of comments from me explaining that "No, you idiot, that point is clearly right"

The conversation will be fast, furious, and vitriolically divisive. I might even flame out because of what that asshole me said.

That should get me on a list. Maybe not this list, but a list. Possibly one that the Mods keep, called "The Banned"
posted by quin at 7:47 AM on July 14, 2010


200 comments or over? Pfft. I clearly win in the light weight (less than 50 comments) category.
posted by special-k at 7:48 AM on July 14, 2010


That Sans quoi? MetaTalk thread is interesting. A total of 3647 comments but look at how many people contributed

422 comments by cortex
361 comments by mrzarquon
333 comments by dersins
264 comments by LobsterMitten
184 comments by languagehat
164 comments by wendell

Total: 1728 comments by 6 members
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:52 AM on July 14, 2010


I never show up on these lists. Rejoice or despair?
posted by Mister_A at 7:54 AM on July 14, 2010


This is brilliant! I'm bookmarking this thread so I can read these conversations later.

I gotta get off this website.
posted by Phire at 7:58 AM on July 14, 2010


Makes...
posted by Abiezer at 8:03 AM on July 14, 2010


bid...
posted by Abiezer at 8:04 AM on July 14, 2010


for...
posted by Abiezer at 8:04 AM on July 14, 2010


glory.
posted by Abiezer at 8:04 AM on July 14, 2010


A
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2010


M
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2010


T
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2010


E
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2010


U
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2010


R
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2010


.
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2010


What's an "amteur" whelk?
posted by Think_Long at 8:08 AM on July 14, 2010 [8 favorites]


A budding auteur.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:09 AM on July 14, 2010


What's an "amteur" whelk?

When bad things happen to good jokes...
posted by zarq at 8:09 AM on July 14, 2010


What's an "amteur" whelk?
We had one when we were kids but he fell off his little wheel and died :(
posted by Abiezer at 8:09 AM on July 14, 2010 [7 favorites]


Although I don't have the power to ban you for trying to game the stats, I can add a couple of lines to my Infodump import script to purge you from my copy of it, so that you don't show up on any lists...

::points to eyes, points to Abiezer and The Whelk::
posted by FishBike at 8:10 AM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


i was sititng here going okay now don't fuck that joke up if anything else you've got to not. fuck. it. up. and well there you go
posted by The Whelk at 8:10 AM on July 14, 2010 [9 favorites]


27% of 415 comments by The Whelk

First comment:

Today's a good day to not be on the internet.
posted by The Whelk at 7:26 AM on April 1 [+] [!]


I see what you did there.
posted by emilyd22222 at 8:11 AM on July 14, 2010


This is comment 1 of 1 by blue_beetle in MetaTalk thread #19572 ("Mefi Datafun").
posted by blue_beetle at 8:13 AM on July 14, 2010


L
posted by Mister_A at 8:14 AM on July 14, 2010


O
posted by Mister_A at 8:14 AM on July 14, 2010


This is my one comment.
posted by lysdexic at 8:14 AM on July 14, 2010


It won't let me put the other L in!
posted by Mister_A at 8:15 AM on July 14, 2010


That would be a duplicate comment, Mister_A. Heh.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:15 AM on July 14, 2010 [3 favorites]


Dammit!
posted by Mister_A at 8:16 AM on July 14, 2010


[is relieved she is not on the list]
posted by orange swan at 8:18 AM on July 14, 2010


L
posted by iamkimiam at 8:22 AM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


Oh, you're on my list orange swan. You're all on my list.
posted by Think_Long at 8:23 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


[looks like some of those poopipes relieved themselves getting on the list]
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 8:24 AM on July 14, 2010




That's not my favorite thread.
posted by Jon-o at 8:30 AM on July 14, 2010


Congratulations! You've unlocked the Chatty Bastard Achievement.
posted by crunchland at 8:30 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


Why not celebrate this some new tame foxes for sale?

(warning ADORABLE)
posted by The Whelk at 8:31 AM on July 14, 2010


You're all on my list.

Sorry about that, I didn't realize it was there.

*steps off Think_Long's list*

You know, you probably shouldn't leave that in the street if you are trying to use it. I mean, look at all the people you have standing on it.
posted by quin at 8:32 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's not my favorite thread.

Yeah, it's interesting what shows up on these lists sometimes. Some of these threads are great, a few are outright bizarre, and some of them are just a giant thing held together with Fighty Puttytm.
posted by FishBike at 8:33 AM on July 14, 2010 [3 favorites]


Fighty Putty . . . I like that. Let's keep that one.
posted by Think_Long at 8:39 AM on July 14, 2010


Metafilter: just a giant thing held together with Fighty Puttytm
posted by emilyd22222 at 8:40 AM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


Let's just cover this thread with Fighty Spackle and hopefully everyone will forget about it.
posted by Think_Long at 8:43 AM on July 14, 2010


(warning ADORABLE) For $6000, it ought to be more than just adorable.
posted by crunchland at 8:56 AM on July 14, 2010


Foxes need to be 100% prepaid by check, bank transfer, or a credit card to make a purchase.

Isn't this what got Eliot Spitzer in trouble?
posted by cjorgensen at 8:58 AM on July 14, 2010


Let's just cover this thread with Fighty Spackle and hopefully everyone will forget about it.

They will after we paint over with Sunshine Hugs. (You'll find it on the same paint chip color strip as Liquid Love, Honeydew Harmony, Agreeable Almond, and Friendly Iceberg.)
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:06 AM on July 14, 2010


Gosh. I see that while I think of myself who talks a lot, I don't talk as much as I think I do. I only had 99 comments in the Sans quoi meta? Wacky.
posted by rtha at 9:07 AM on July 14, 2010


Liquid Love, Honeydew Harmony, Agreeable Almond, and Friendly Iceberg

The porno/NPR name generator discussion is in the other MeTa thread.
posted by Think_Long at 9:19 AM on July 14, 2010


Great, now I've got Porn stars and NPR people all jumbled in my brain.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 AM on July 14, 2010


It's not about the sex.

YES, IT IS, DAMMIT. IT ALWAYS IS.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:35 AM on July 14, 2010


EROGENOUS* DO IT YOURSELF INFODUMP ANALYZER

(Thanks Combustible Edison Lighthouse!)

* - erogenous to people afflicted by any sort of Data Evaluation Fetish
posted by cavalier at 9:42 AM on July 14, 2010 [12 favorites]


Just how friendly is this iceberg that we're talking about?

Well, it's a lot bigger than it looks. For whatever that's worth.
posted by quin at 9:44 AM on July 14, 2010


That's the high score list, right?

No, I believe it's the "STFU Already" index.
posted by dersins at 10:02 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


That Infodump Analyzer is a piece of pure badassery.
posted by slogger at 10:04 AM on July 14, 2010


cavalier: EROGENOUS* DO IT YOURSELF INFODUMP ANALYZER

How the hell did I never know about this? This is fabulous! Thanks cavalier and Combustible Edison Lighthouse.
posted by Kattullus at 10:14 AM on July 14, 2010


Burhanistan: It may or may not be apocryphal, but one verse of the Edda speaks of a longboat that is still rowing towards Valhalla that was forged in the crucible of that thread. Or some mixed metaphor or other, anyway.

If you have enough arms and time to make obscure references to things that shant be spoken of, you're not rowing hard enough.
posted by carsonb at 10:43 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


I see evidence of the Longboat!

I don't know whose Longboat you're talking about as the original longboat (9622v2 THIS MESS 4EVA!) isn't on the list at all.

Of course, 100% of comments were made by people who were totally insane, so it's hard to really narrow that down in an InfoDump like fashion.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:43 AM on July 14, 2010


Full Disclaimer: I did not have a god diddley damned do to do with the analyzer. I just click links. Which lead to more links. Which lead to OMG THERE'S A WEBPAGE FOR THIS SQUEEEEEE.

(And thanks to FishBike, er, of course, as the granddaddy of the queries)
posted by cavalier at 11:07 AM on July 14, 2010


Also I think we may be killing his site. So, you know, I'm really sorry. o.o
posted by cavalier at 11:13 AM on July 14, 2010


Full Disclaimer: I did not have a god diddley damned do to do with the analyzer.

Additional disclaimer: neither did I, although I've been trying to promote it as much as possible because it's so great. Combustible Edison Lighthouse gets 100% of the kudos for that one.

How the hell did I never know about this?

Well, this is what happens when you don't come to the meetings, isn't it?
posted by FishBike at 11:20 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


Shhhh! About the meetings. People will start talking about the Abal-Cay again.
posted by Mister_A at 11:26 AM on July 14, 2010


it doesn't matter, I still miss Amberglow and this just reminds me of the ache

*throws hugbuckets*
posted by infini at 11:28 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


wait a minute... there's a tag called sunshineandunicorns....
posted by infini at 11:29 AM on July 14, 2010


That thread with peeping_Thomist is a fascinating read.
posted by Aizkolari at 11:41 AM on July 14, 2010


AS omie wise suspected, there was indeed evidence of the longboat. IN the 11442, most of the comments had little to do with the published title.
I miss amberglow, nice donkey, gramschmidt and raedyn.
posted by Cranberry at 12:43 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


oooh weee ow weeee oooooh oh.
posted by The Whelk at 12:43 PM on July 14, 2010


Is this the thread where we share cute pics of domesticated foxes? ok, he's a shiba/chihuahua mix – but admit it, he looks like Mr Fox's city cousin.
posted by roger ackroyd at 12:45 PM on July 14, 2010


oooh weee ow weeee oooooh oh.

Oh, is this the new Doctor Who thread?
posted by Phire at 12:46 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


Also I think we may be killing his site. So, you know, I'm really sorry. o.o

Hmm, something gave MySQL a wedgie. Should be better now.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 12:59 PM on July 14, 2010


*throws hugbuckets*


*crash*

OW!

*glares*

posted by zarq at 1:08 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


dont you glare at my hugs, buster
posted by infini at 1:19 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


oooh weee ow weeee oooooh oh.

Oh, is this the new Doctor Who thread?


It triggered a mind-melting "Jungle Love" earworm for me. *grinds teeth*
posted by Skot at 1:19 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


What if there is a hole in the hugbucket and all the hugs get out?
posted by The Whelk at 1:21 PM on July 14, 2010


Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry.
posted by Phire at 1:22 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


PLANNED OBSOLESCE! I will buy a new one.
posted by The Whelk at 1:32 PM on July 14, 2010


A better one!
posted by The Whelk at 1:33 PM on July 14, 2010


With blackjack! and hookers!
posted by The Whelk at 1:33 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


dont you glare at my hugs, buster


*points at lump on head*

*grumbles*
posted by zarq at 1:33 PM on July 14, 2010


I'm not sure which is worse Henry:bucket or 99 bottles of beer:wall.
posted by sciencegeek at 1:33 PM on July 14, 2010


Metafilter: I just click links.
posted by tommasz at 1:34 PM on July 14, 2010


100 Buckets on the wall 100 buckets o hugs, take one down, smash it around, not coherent enough to count the remaining buckets on the wall!
posted by The Whelk at 1:35 PM on July 14, 2010


Bucket o' cocks.
posted by slogger at 1:49 PM on July 14, 2010


There's a hug in the bucket dear Henry, dear Henry, a hole.
Then fling it dear Liza, dear Liza. Fling it.
posted by sciencegeek at 1:51 PM on July 14, 2010


stick cock from cockbucket in to hole in hugbucket. There, done.
posted by The Whelk at 1:52 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


stick cock from cockbucket in to hole in hugbucket. There, done.

Step 2: Clean up mess.
posted by zarq at 1:56 PM on July 14, 2010


glory, glory, holey-hallelujah, the bucket is now fixed.
posted by sciencegeek at 1:56 PM on July 14, 2010


The bucket can take in all of George Washington's head.
posted by psylosyren at 2:03 PM on July 14, 2010


THE COCK IS MARCHING ON.
posted by The Whelk at 2:04 PM on July 14, 2010


what have I done
posted by The Whelk at 2:05 PM on July 14, 2010


I thought we agreed to never do the Stick and Bucket dance again. You remember what happened last time... that guy who broke his leg still walks with a limp.
posted by quin at 2:14 PM on July 14, 2010


They DIED just like their IDIOT HYENA COUSINS
posted by The Whelk at 2:16 PM on July 14, 2010


bradlands, you are my hero. i'm not going to give you favorites for all of them, but in your heart just know that i did.
posted by radiosilents at 2:55 PM on July 14, 2010


Sadly, your favorites would go unnoticed. I didn't know him myself, but I'm sure many of his friends around here would appreciate the sentiment anyway.
posted by Think_Long at 3:11 PM on July 14, 2010


Yes, RIP bradlands. ::sigh:: May his (insane?) achievement never be bested.
posted by epersonae at 4:10 PM on July 14, 2010


[is relieved she is not on the list]

Me too, me too! but someone I know well is! :D

(*Hi Mom*!)
posted by Lynsey at 4:23 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


I knew Brad "bradlands" Graham as well as anyone who only met him online; we collaborated on a couple of absurdities in the early days of blogging (1999-2000) and he was one of those who encouraged me to participate on MetaFilter (SO BLAME THE DEAD GUY).

But in his perpetual honor, I propose (almost seriously) that the pun form generally known as "Tom Swifties" be renamed "Bradlandishness".
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:48 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


Going back over the 15931 "Longboat" thread where I (as wendell) was the 6th most prolific contributor (and I was using the Posting Crutch That Was Markovfilter), I realize I started but did not finish a GoonShow-inspired radio script during the wee willie hours a day before it closed and am considering finally continuing (and maybe concluding) it here.

Yeah, that will swellfoop.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:54 PM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


to recap:

Stay tuned to most of this same website for episode one of the never-before-seen radio show and #1 hit of next week: WendellCraig's Cabinet of Wonders and Canned Goods! Live, except on the West Coast, where it passed away several hours ago, our condolences.

This is not the BBC. This is the MetaFilter Radio Institute, the MRI.

Portions of the following live program were pre-recorded before other portions which were recorded later while still others probably won't happen until hours after this program is over, and dammit, those are always the best parts.

Tonight's episode: "The Curse of the Bleeping Fucker" OR "How Can I Miss You If You Won't Dodge My Bullets?"

Some portions of this programme may be too intense for those with their screen brightness turned up way too high. Parental discretion is advised because parents should always be discrete; you don't want your kids to actually catch you DOING IT until they're old enough to give you some pointers.

Our story begins at the front door of the residence of one of the greatest detectives of all time... a long shadow is cast over the door, due to the fact the light fixture in the wall sconce fell off the wall and is lying on the floor. The visitor has to get way up on his tippy-toes to reach the doorbell.

Mystery Man: My goodness. this detective is truly a genius! He's figured out a way to program his doorbell to play his cel phone ringtone. Although I sincerely question his judgment in using the "Crazy Frog" theme.

Detective (behind door): Yes, who is it?

Mystery Man: It is I.

Detective: And who is "I"?

Mystery Man: well, YOU are one of the greatest detectives of all times.

Detective: Your last name wouldn't happen to be Costello is it?

Mystery Man: No, but my first name is Elvis.

Detective: Why can't I see you through my eye-level peephole?

Mystery Man: Because I'm short, dammit, didn't you listen to the narrator or are you just trying to rub it in? Go look through your crotch-level peephole and you'll see.

Detective: What makes you think I have a crotch-level peephole?

Mystery Man: Because I'm looking through it myself; I told you I'm short or are you just trying to rub it in?

Detective: My dear sir or madam, I haven't rubbed anything in since the Case of the Missing Truckload of Nivea.

The door opens with a loud creaking noise...

Detective: No actually, it's a loud croaking noise. My hobby is frogology.

Mystery Man: Which explains the doorbell, the green smoking jacket and your ability to inflate your cheeks like that.

Detective: No, actually, I was taught to play the trumpet by Dizzy Gillespie.

Mystery Man: Which is all well and good but I have a problem.

Detective: Besides your height?

Mystery Man: You said you wouldn't rub it in.

Detective: I'm not. I'm pulling your leg, yanking your chain, turning the screw and getting on your last nerve. No, wait, this is your next-to-last nerve - here, let me put it back...

Mystery Man: So, are you interested in my case?

Detective: Depends. Is it a case of Turtle Wax, a case of Rice-a-Roni or a case of genital crabs, all of which I already got as consolation prizes on "The Price Is Right"...

Stay tuned to the right parts of this same thread for Part Two of "The Case of the Neko" or "Grave Robin the Boy Wonder", after a word from our alternate, alternative, alt-rock, altar boy or just plain altered sponsor...
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:06 PM on July 14, 2010


So as sort of promised, here's an updated top 25 list of most comments by a single poster in one thread. It's almost identical to a year ago, so I've bolded the two new entries from the past year:
  1. 502 comments by gramschmidt in MetaTalk thread 9622 ("Spoonfed used to host a metatalk parody that's gone now")
  2. 422 comments by cortex in MetaTalk thread 15931 ("Sans quoi?")
  3. 387 comments by peeping_Thomist in MetaFilter thread 51500 ("Political Science & Promiscuity")
  4. 361 comments by mrzarquon in MetaTalk thread 15931 ("Sans quoi?")
  5. 333 comments by dersins in MetaTalk thread 15931 ("Sans quoi?")
  6. 295 comments by Kafkaesque in MetaFilter thread 9622 ("-no title-")
  7. 282 comments by Neale in MetaFilter thread 1142 ("-no title-")
  8. 268 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 74487 ("Sarah Palin as McCain's running-mate")
  9. 264 comments by LobsterMitten in MetaTalk thread 15931 ("Sans quoi?")
  10. 237 comments by wendell in MetaTalk thread 9622 ("Spoonfed used to host a metatalk parody that's gone now")
  11. 214 comments by daveadams in MetaFilter thread 1142 ("-no title-")
  12. 199 comments by twoleftfeet in MetaTalk thread 17517 ("Bigger Front Page?")
  13. 197 comments by Cranberry in MetaTalk thread 9622 ("Spoonfed used to host a metatalk parody that's gone now")
  14. 193 comments by fourcheesemac in MetaFilter thread 75125 ("Because there are more important things to do on Friday night")
  15. 193 comments by peeping_Thomist in MetaFilter thread 56002 ("Ted Haggard | New Life Church")
  16. 191 comments by kenko in MetaTalk thread 9622 ("Spoonfed used to host a metatalk parody that's gone now")
  17. 191 comments by The Whelk in MetaFilter thread 90264 ("Bitter tea")
  18. 188 comments by sgt.serenity in MetaFilter thread 22802 ("Weblogs & the Disruptive Web ")
  19. 186 comments by fourcheesemac in MetaFilter thread 74881 ("Palin, pancakes, and the straight talk express")
  20. 184 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 55140 ("Washington D.C. Pages and Interns")
  21. 184 comments by languagehat in MetaTalk thread 15931 ("Sans quoi?")
  22. 178 comments by Burhanistan in MetaTalk thread 17517 ("Bigger Front Page?")
  23. 178 comments by ericb in MetaFilter thread 39609 ("It's not about the sex.")
  24. 175 comments by bradlands in MetaFilter thread 27495 ("Fun with Puns")
  25. 171 comments by Artw in MetaFilter thread 91479 ("Nope.")
(sorry for the re-rail)
posted by FishBike at 6:50 PM on July 14, 2010


FishBike, you have more right to this space than I do, thanks for letting me in.

This is not the BBC. This is Craig's Alternative Thread Service Corporation And Network, the CAT-SCAN.

Does anyone read the posts down here?

We now return to Part 2.0 of "The Last of the Moe Howards" or "It's an Island, There's a Road on It, It Must Be Rhode Island" as one of the greatest detectives asks the mysterious gentleman standing outside his door:

Detective: Why don't you come inside?

Mystery Man: I would, but I seem to have sunken knee-deep into the mud out here!

Detective: How deep?

Mystery Man: Knee-deep!

Detective: HOW deep?

Mystery Man: KNEE DEEP! Can't you hear me?

Detective: Yes, but I'm enjoying hearing you say 'nee-deep'. I am a frog lover, you know.

Mystery Man: Yes, but I hoped you'd keep it to the privacy of your own privy.

Detective: My pleasures may be private but my punishment is quite corporal.

Mystery Man: I don't know, it seems to have been promoted to a major nuisance.

Detective: Enough of this general discussion. Let me pull you out of the mud, you stick-in-the-mud...

SFX: SQU-U-U-APP!!

Mystery Man: I'm free, but I seem to have left my very expensive shoes in the mud!

Detective: I have plenty of change; I can replace both pennies in your loafers. Speaking of loafers, what do you do for a living?

Mystery Man: I work on "Jeopardy", converting questions into answers and vice-versa. OR DO I?

Detective: This does not appear promising for any further inquiries on my part.

Mystery Man: No...

Detective: I mean, does this appear promising for any further inquiries on my part?

Mystery Man: Good. Now, Potent Potables for 200...

Detectives: It's a Gin and Tonic or a Pina Colada.

Mystery Man: What are a good drink for you to offer me and an annoying earworm from the 80s? Now, Damned Obvious Questions for 1000.

Detective: It's the reason you wanted to meet one of the greatest detectives.

Mystery Man: What is my wife may be cheating on me?

Detective: Wrong.

Mystery Man: What is my wife has disappeared?

Detective: Wrong.

Mystery Man: What is I don't have a wife and am clueless why nobody would want to marry me, am I that grotesque?

Detective: Sorry, the correct question is "Why is my wife hiding in the bedroom closet of one of the greatest detectives wearing a frog suit?"

Mystery Man: AHA!

Detective: But you're at minus 800 so you don't get to play Final Jeopardy, but you do get a case of Rice-A-Roni, a case of Turtle Wax and a case of genital crabs. Stay tuned for "Wheel of Fortune".

Mystery Man: Hey, you got all that on "The Price Is Right". But if I may ask you one question in the form of a question...

Detective: But first...

What will that question in the form of a question be? Will that question shock one of the greatest detectives? Will his answer shock the mysterious man? Will Peter Gabriel shock the monkey or will we have to get Phil Collins because Peter's not available? Will dropping this toaster into my bath water make my bagels soggy? We'll find the answers to all that and "Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong, and is he guilty of cruelty to animals?" when we return for Part 3.14159265358979323846264338327950 etcetera etcetera of "The Return of the Third Man for the Fifth Time on the Seventh Day" or "Harry's Potted and the Sorcerer's Stoned" or "She Came in Through the Overton Window and Out the Underton Door" or "I See Now Why the Bullwinkle Show Did This All the Time, It's Fun", right after another Two-Year and Four-Month break for station identification and a few words from whomever Google thinks is relevant to the content of this site.

This is not Don Pardo speaking, I'm actually singing it using auto-tune.

This is not the BBC, if it were, it would be unavailable to American viewers, you bloody Yank wankers, this is the Metropolitan Electronic Translation Association Thread At Lower Kensington, the METATALK.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:50 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


One last thing, "I Write Like" thought the first part of this was like William Gibson, and the second part like David Foster Wallace, totally discrediting its writing analysis or my writing, or both.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:55 PM on July 14, 2010


[...] and the second part like David Foster Wallace, totally discrediting its writing analysis or my writing, or both.

I pasted that top 25 list from my earlier comment into to the "I Write Like" site. It thinks the SQL query that generates the list writes like David Foster Wallace, too.

(and the re-rail comment was totally a joke)
posted by FishBike at 5:58 AM on July 15, 2010


btw, just curious did Amberglow simply decide not to come to MeFi anymore (the account isn't disabled) or ...
posted by infini at 8:04 AM on July 15, 2010


I guess so, yeah. There were passing mentions of him selling used books at jonmc's place, and of heading off to Europe to travel. As far I know there was no "I'm out of here" note behind the scenes even, so it will probably remain a mystery, and so it goes.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:16 AM on July 15, 2010


IT IS A MYSTERY

holy shit so that means it was only a year ago when the 10th party happened? That feels like a century ago. I feel a lot better about possibly wasting my life on trivial amusements internet cat videos now
posted by The Whelk at 8:24 AM on July 15, 2010


thanks cortex. I guess the other way to look at it is that there's still hope :)

Which is the exact day of the anniversary, the 17th?
posted by infini at 9:01 AM on July 15, 2010


selling used books at jonmc's place,

Note: I do not own the place. I just work there.
posted by jonmc at 5:03 PM on July 15, 2010


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