Please tell me I didn't imagine this...

October 2, 2010 9:02 PM

Racking my brains here looking for a semi-recent (this year? 2009?) Ask Metafilter question: Someone's wife was documenting every perceived slight and argument, I believe by printing out chats and emails. Please tell me I'm not imagining this post, as it had some thoughtful answers that would be useful to show to a friend to whom this is now happening!
posted by bunji to MetaFilter-Related at 9:02 PM (19 comments total)

My skin is crawling even as I'm curious to know more
posted by The Lady is a designer at 2:46 AM on October 3, 2010 [2 favorites]

You don't mean this one by a suspicious husband, do you? It doesn't quite fit your description. Neither does this. But those are the closest I found.
posted by bardophile at 3:25 AM on October 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

That was the gist of a slightly eerie AskReddit post a whiles back...... was it that?
posted by dontjumplarry at 3:25 AM on October 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

I am confident that no such post ever existed, and I dare all of you to prove me wrong.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:12 AM on October 3, 2010

That post never, ever existed. You will never prove me wrong.
posted by WalterMitty at 5:51 AM on October 3, 2010

This question makes me think someone or several someones should categorize Relationship filter questions.

I would do it myself, but it sounds like it would take more than 2 minutes, there you go.
posted by nomadicink at 6:44 AM on October 3, 2010

I do not remember this and it sounds like something I'd remember.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:53 AM on October 3, 2010

bardophile, that was it!!!

At the time I must have skimmed it and apparently didn't remember it so sharply after all, especially the part about the USB drive and the minor detail of it being on a whole other site.

Thank you so much! I don't think I would have found it without your help. Hopefully, this will help my poor friend feel less surreal and alone.
posted by bunji at 11:00 AM on October 3, 2010

Er, how embarrassing -- I mean dontjumplarry, although bardophile's finds are indeed useful as well.

Egads, clearly I shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a keyboard before cup of coffee #2. Thank you so, so much, dontjumplarry!
posted by bunji at 11:04 AM on October 3, 2010

Yeah, I had someone tell me that she found out her husband had been keeping notes about arguments and whatnot. It was after she got the papers for the divorce, which was out of the blue for her. I was surprised, and am again, to find out this is a thing. Wow.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:27 PM on October 3, 2010

Shit like this makes me glad I'm single.
posted by empath at 1:34 PM on October 3, 2010 [2 favorites]

Until I read that Reddit thread, I'd somehow avoided ever learning about the idea of a "divorce file". Good Christ. How the existence of the file itself wouldn't destroy the relationship, I don't know.
posted by fatbird at 1:46 PM on October 3, 2010

My father had one of these. My brother found it and destroyed it. Didn't stop the divorce from happening, but he was repulsed by the thing and couldn't abide its existence. Also, for some reason my father had cash in the file, and my brother took it. My father never mentioned this, because how could he?
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:04 PM on October 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

Could this be the AskMe?

Scenes from a marriage. I snooped; his behavior was borderline. What now? -- "After I saw the chat I compulsively checked his email every day."

posted by ericb at 2:43 PM on October 3, 2010

How the existence of the file itself wouldn't destroy the relationship, I don't know.

If I found something like that, I'd move out and go straight to a divorce lawyer. That's crazy shit.
posted by empath at 4:56 PM on October 3, 2010

2349 comments? wow
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 6:18 PM on October 3, 2010

I'm documenting everything you people do.
posted by orange swan at 7:37 PM on October 3, 2010

I document every last thing my spouses say.

And the rest of you too, come to think of it.
posted by Meta Filter at 11:32 PM on October 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

Now that my skin's stopped crawling enough for me to contemplate this, its something that imho seems like a bigger betrayal than the intent to divorce or breakup. Its the equivalent of a fundamental breach of trust, of washing dirty linen in public, of the privacy of the intimate relationship. Its way more fucked up than simply being trailed by a PI or some such as in the old days to find evidence of adultery because its constant vigilance and surveillance. It'd silence me for good to never know if pillowtalk was being recorded. *shakes head* Reading something like this makes me wonder whether my principles are outdated in today's world, based as they are on honour and integrity. I have always chosen to take the higher path even when the opportunity lay before me to wreak righteous revenge, for the bottom line isn't what you do to someone else, the bottomline is whether you can sleep at night with yourself.
posted by The Lady is a designer at 1:15 AM on October 4, 2010