I done terrible things to taters... cuttin' 'em, fryin' 'em... you give a tater a man's constitution you can bet he's comin' to pay old Joad a call! November 24, 2010 10:08 PM   Subscribe

Wrath Minded Taters (SONNL, Single Onion News Network Link, 2.5 mins, site inserts an advertisement before the video unfortunately)

This presents a grave new possibility in the ongoing search for the truth about taters: that the anonymous AskMe user who first spoke of taters was in fact a sort of time traveler from a near future in which the progeny of man and potatoes walk the Earth as one race - perhaps dominant over mere humans! Some eddy in the cyberspacetime continuum - perhaps arising due to anonymous so vigorously rifling through her boss's browser history - caused the post she submitted to future AskMe to be transmitted back to the present, and that's why it doesn't make sense to any of us.

So the "hardcore taters" and "softcore taters" pornography depicted depraved intercourse between Human Potatoes - disturbing not only due to its lurid carnal nature, but made even more titillating and contraband because in our dystopian tuber-dominated future witnessing the intimacies of the Master Hybrids is forbidden to those organisms not yet Genetically Modified.

And perhaps the existence of Mr. Potatohead as a children's toy, sent back in time to prepare us all to have affection and regard for our coming Human Potato overlords, provides a corroborating clue as well.

It actually makes this quote from the original thread intelligible: ...it is sexual harassment to expose people in the workplace to sexual material against their will, especially if that person finds taters (straight or gay) to be offensive. Now we can see that she was in fact expressing racism there, not just prudishness.
posted by XMLicious to MetaFilter-Related at 10:08 PM (12 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Congratulations on finding a loophole that gets an Onion article on Metafilter. I'm jealous!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:26 PM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

Very questionable timing when most USians are about to indulge in, among other things, Mashed Potatoes (ouch) and Sweet Potatoes (hmmm...). And need I mention ALL the things we're stuffing into a turkey's ass?

Still, when I recently prepared an illustrated menu for a Soup-themed Tweet-up, I already addressed one of the contradictions, as a distressed-looking Mr. Potato Head lamented "Hey! I thought you vegetarians never ate anything that has a face!"

I'd begin my investigation into this whole matter with Terry Tate(r), Catherine Tate(r) and "Bewitched's" Mr. Tate(r).
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:52 PM on November 24, 2010

Slightly more accessible YouTube version.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 2:16 AM on November 25, 2010

I heart Joad.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 2:24 AM on November 25, 2010

Since the video came out, whenever I get irritated at my husband I've started screaming, "YOU'RE TATER-MINDED."
posted by Nattie at 3:04 AM on November 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

Taters have become a big deal in the Ouke household, too. I think we just have to get used to the idea that ultimately MeFi will reign the known universe. And with this power comes responsibility.
posted by ouke at 5:44 AM on November 25, 2010

MeFi will reign the known universe.

Taters are in the saddle,
And ride mankind.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:59 AM on November 25, 2010

Tater disease what brung us th' Irish.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:09 AM on November 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

So in the future we need to identify what taters we're talking about, the high-carb variety or the low-carb variety. Thanks for the heads-up. I had no idea.
posted by Namlit at 7:36 AM on November 25, 2010

I know I link this every time we have a tater thread, but especially since it's Thanksgiving:

Paula Deen making love to her tater.

posted by hermitosis at 8:13 AM on November 25, 2010

This is not a recipe:
Put Bananas in your Mashed Sweet-Tatties.
posted by infinite intimation at 9:19 AM on November 25, 2010

we never figured out what the f taters were right? It keeps me up at night.
posted by sweetkid at 2:58 PM on November 25, 2010

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