RelationshipFilter for the Soul May 4, 2011 9:44 AM   Subscribe

RelationshipFilter questions on AskMe that have spurred great real-life conversations with significant others.

My wife and I have noticed lately that we end up having a lot of great and thought-provoking conversations about our relationship (and various aspects therein) based on questions asked on the Green. Examples include: moving in together (and personal space), what changes when you're married, and "alone time."

Our conversations general range from "do we agree with this?" to "if this hypothetically happened, what would we do?"

Are there any threads in particular that have sparked good conversations between you and your SO? Anything reveal a question or issue you hadn't previously considered?
posted by SNWidget to MetaFilter-Related at 9:44 AM (52 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

I've got the whole thing backward: conversations I've had with my (recently ex-) SO which make me start to write answers to relationship questions -- and then hastily close the window and just go outside instead.
posted by hermitosis at 9:48 AM on May 4, 2011 [10 favorites]


I've had a lot of "Open relationships, how do they work?!" conversations with my wife after we've spent time sharing the strangest Ask MeFi relationship questions we'd seen lately.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 9:51 AM on May 4, 2011


Off the top of my head, it was the one where the guy's wife kept leaving the stove on. I could. not. comprehend. how that could happen so often, and my husband thought I was being callous. Usually we agree on relationshipfilter, though.
posted by desjardins at 9:58 AM on May 4, 2011


I find that a lot more of the food-related Asks spark discussion with my SO. And dinners.
posted by phunniemee at 9:58 AM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]


We do a charades thing and try to act them out.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:01 AM on May 4, 2011 [9 favorites]


It's not relationship filter, but my boyfriend and I debated "Is Pizza a Sandwich?" for a long time on one of our first dates. It still comes up from time to time.
posted by troika at 10:05 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


troika, you and your boyfriend may want to look at this recent AskMe.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:09 AM on May 4, 2011 [2 favorites]


The relationship hacks thread had some great stuff in there, specifically for my wife and I scody's comment #4 which mirrored us so well for a second I wondered if Scody was really a secret account my wife had :)
posted by Captain_Science at 10:10 AM on May 4, 2011 [2 favorites]


For me, it's more like how come all these fucking crazy people managed to find someone, and I can't.
posted by Melismata at 10:14 AM on May 4, 2011 [26 favorites]


Melismata, a friend of mine once said some wise words: "It's better to be alone than to wish you were."
posted by desjardins at 10:23 AM on May 4, 2011 [29 favorites]


I am still fighting with a significant number of friends over that goddamn "cereal or soup" question.
posted by elizardbits at 10:31 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


I've yet to broach the cereal/soup question with my wife, if only because I'm afraid that it might be the wedge to drive us both apart. I mean, really, it's a soup.
posted by SNWidget at 10:42 AM on May 4, 2011


If we'd disagreed on the cereal vs. soup question, I might have suggested marriage counseling. Because obviously cereal is not a soup, don't be ridiculous.
posted by desjardins at 10:44 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


Had a lively discussion in the kitchen at work about the is cereal a soup question (one of my co-workers often eats soup for breakfast, and another commented that that seemed a little odd, and since she was making herself a bowl of cereal, I felt obliged to point out that her breakfast could also arguably be called a soup) but the missus and I haven't talked about it.
posted by rtha at 10:48 AM on May 4, 2011


There are things in this world that are "technically" other things, but even though technically correct is the best kind of correct, it's best not to refer to them as such.

Cereal in milk is perhaps technically a soup, but people will look at you strangely if you call it such.

Other examples include cheesecake, technically a pie.
posted by explosion at 10:57 AM on May 4, 2011


The relationship hacks thread had some great stuff in there, specifically for my wife and I scody's comment #4 which mirrored us so well for a second I wondered if Scody was really a secret account my wife had :)

That's a great comment, thanks for the link. I remember going through that one with her and trying to see if anything in there was something we could use.

I ended up asking one about doing dishes early on in our relationship, and I was surprised to see how many other people had already comes to terms with that particular conundrum.
posted by SNWidget at 11:02 AM on May 4, 2011


The few questions about one SO going to bed earlier than the other and ensuing fighting/feelings of unhappiness/panic helped my husband and I resolve it pretty much completely. We discussed our childhood bedtimes (I always had a routine; his parents just told him to brush his teeth and go to bed, and didn't even tuck him in) and we've compromised. He now comes and says good night and then goes and does his own thing. We haven't fought about it since.

Also, we had a pretty good convo about wiping standing vs. sitting, but we pretty much agreed from the outset that sitting was the way to go.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 11:11 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


The canonical Ask vs. Guess comment was good fodder for talks with the gf, as was the importance of Greg Nog's Old Man on the Porch of your Mind.
posted by Aizkolari at 11:15 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


I had not seen Greg Nog's Old Man comment before - here's the link for others who may have missed it.
posted by troika at 11:33 AM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]


For me to answer this question, I'd have to be able to read relationship AskMes without wanting to shoot someone, putting my fist through my monitor, or rolling my eyes.
posted by Eideteker at 11:37 AM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]


I hadn't seen that cereal/soup question before, but from now on I shall think of my martini as an olive soup with a gin/vermouth stock, served chilled.

And when I use the anchovy-stuffed olives, I'll call it booze-llabaise!
posted by nickmark at 11:40 AM on May 4, 2011 [7 favorites]


I found the "My 100% would be ___" a useful framework for working out what the boyfriend and I each want to do. So often he says, "hey, me too!" in response, and we beam at each other; having gotten our 100%.
posted by ldthomps at 11:42 AM on May 4, 2011


Skot's comment reflects the conversations that me and my SO have amusigly often nowadays, with each other or just with strangers.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:45 AM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


We have a rule where my husband is not allowed to talk to me about toilet matters but he does sometimes anyway knowing I have a degree in digestive physiology and have studied intestines and can therefore handle it. And because he sometimes breaks the rule (to loud semi-joking eyerolling on my part before I engage in the conversation) I'm also allowed to sometimes break the rule and bring up toilet-related details and he pretends the original rule doesn't exist and has the discussion in good humour. Which is really helpful because I have IBS and sometimes there are just things to talk about dammit while also cutting down the number of reciprocal conversations I need to take part in.

So if I asked him about the standing/sitting thing the whole system would break down and I'd be talking about poo every day so I don't go there.

I'm also not allowed to talk about poo or intestines with most of my friends but they know it'll come up eventually (hey, I'm trained in four different methods for large (farm) animal faecal collection!) and fortunately I have very forgiving friends.
posted by shelleycat at 12:00 PM on May 4, 2011


I hadn't seen that cereal/soup question before, but from now on I shall think of my martini as an olive soup with a gin/vermouth stock, served chilled.

My friend always called martinis bowls of 'loud-mouth' soup.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:00 PM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


The missus and I spend a great deal of time investigating the relative merits of the details in the how to dispose of a body thread. Call it professional curiosity.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:19 PM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


I found the "My 100% would be ___" a useful framework for working out what the boyfriend and I each want to do.

That is my second-most-favorited comment on the site! So cool that you have found it helpful.
posted by not that girl at 12:37 PM on May 4, 2011 [2 favorites]


For me to answer this question, I'd have to be able to read relationship AskMes have a relationship without wanting to shoot someone, putting my fist through my monitor, or rolling my eyes.
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:39 PM on May 4, 2011


Are there any threads in particular that have sparked good conversations between you and your SO?

Does having a really fun time of saying "Why you dead, ricky?" every chance we get count?


why you dead, ricky?
posted by cashman at 2:03 PM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]


Knock Knock:
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:09 PM on May 4, 2011


Kn0ck Kn0ck:
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:51 PM on May 4, 2011


Who's there?
posted by Specklet at 3:03 PM on May 4, 2011


My wife often reminds her friends of my 10 Percent / 100 Percent Rule.

They laugh at me.

But I'm right, dammit.

posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:09 PM on May 4, 2011 [1 favorite]


Please link me the question about leaving the stove on.


(I leave the stove on)
posted by bq at 3:14 PM on May 4, 2011


Robot shark.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:17 PM on May 4, 2011


Wife leaves the stove on post
I had to find this because my boyfriend does this and has ruined pots, smoked out the kitchen, and ARGHGHHH!! Major fights have occurred behind this and Argghhh! Let me go read the damn post.
posted by mokeydraws at 4:59 PM on May 4, 2011


Robot shark who?
posted by Specklet at 5:41 PM on May 4, 2011


My life is generally really dull. I either talk with my wife about our Son, our soon to be daughter, work, or Metafilter. Metafilter is the way to spice our conversations without actually having a real hobby.

Relationship filter questions are great, because it is great to find people who are way way crazier than us. Anonymous-watching builds relationships on so many levels - though mostly at that "I'm glad we found each other and are out of the dating pool."

Also, I generally equally dig the sex equity, racial equity, gay rights, religion, and political discussions on both the green and blue. Even when I fail to participate, I generally feel that I learn a lot.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:50 PM on May 4, 2011 [3 favorites]


Robot Shark that ate Shelby and Ricky because nobody cared. Oh, how they screamed while their little gears whirled! There was oil in the water that day, I can tell you! Why you dead, Ricky? Why you dead? You dead because Robot Shark came knocking, that's why. Offering candy grams to baby robots, and nobody was there to tell them what candy was. Knock Knock. Who's there? It's death, Ricky. With a candy gram. From Robot Shark.*


*No robots harmed in the making of this comment. Author probably isn't on drugs.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:43 PM on May 4, 2011 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: the way to spice our conversations without actually having a real hobby.


Sorry.
posted by oinopaponton at 8:02 PM on May 4, 2011 [2 favorites]


Melismata, a friend of mine once said some wise words: "It's better to be alone than to wish you were."
posted by desjardins at 6:23 PM on May 4


What your friend said is true. As true as "It's better to be in a happy relationship than to wish you were."
posted by Decani at 3:58 AM on May 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


This is not what you meant, but based on an AskMe that turned out to be a veiled marital dispute which we all discussed at dinner that night, whenever jb and dreadnought bicker in front of me, I tell them "Take it to Metafilter." Sorry Jessamyn.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:07 AM on May 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


relationshipfilter : the blind leading the blind since 2003
posted by Afroblanco at 4:31 PM on May 5, 2011


RelationshipFilter questions have spurred a lot of great real-life blowjobs in my own marriage, because almost every one of those posts makes me SO. DAMN. GLAD. to be happily married that I often feel inspired to get off the internet and go show my husband just how much I appreciate him. :D
posted by Jacqueline at 7:57 PM on May 5, 2011 [2 favorites]


Your husband's name is obviously Anonymous.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:59 PM on May 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


"...he whole system would break down and I'd be talking about poo every day so I don't go there."

What! I think finally having someone to discuss one's poo with is one of the best things about marriage.

You really know you're close when you have a big one and can call your husband in to take a look at what a whopper it was and he is very proud of you.
posted by Jacqueline at 8:02 PM on May 5, 2011


On the one hand, I do not aspire to that level of closeness. On the other hand, I feel duty-bound to point out that there is a crazy new RelationshipFilter question that will make you damn glad to be happily married. This is mostly because this means I have an excuse to use the term "duty-bound" in response to a comment about poo. Seacrest out.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:08 PM on May 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


OK, you just made me read through a bunch of the human relations AskMes trying to figure out which one was the "crazy" one you referenced and now I *really* can't wait for my husband to get home. :D
posted by Jacqueline at 8:43 PM on May 5, 2011


My work here is done!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:45 PM on May 5, 2011 [1 favorite]


The one about your reflection in the mirror being really only half your real size still sets of rounds of "do you think that's really true about the mirror thing?" Sorry, we're kind of superficial that way.
posted by tamitang at 8:52 PM on May 5, 2011


What! I think finally having someone to discuss one's poo with is one of the best things about marriage.

Yeah but I study intestines at work (or I did, not any more), I don't need that stuff at home as well. Frankly it gets kind of boring after a while.
posted by shelleycat at 10:31 AM on May 6, 2011


Yes. This one.

It's always a "no they don't." "yes they do". debate.
posted by stormpooper at 11:53 AM on May 10, 2011


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