Is There Wife Beyond MetaFilter? Oops, I Meant Life August 20, 2011 10:33 AM   Subscribe

Not an ask me. My wife just described herself as a MetaFilter widow. Please help!
posted by Xurando to MetaFilter-Related at 10:33 AM (204 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

Opening a MeTa thread about it is very unlikely to make the situation at home better. I suggest either getting her an account or closing down your browser for the rest of the weekend and going for a nice hike together.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:35 AM on August 20, 2011 [114 favorites]


Buy her an account.
posted by zarq at 10:37 AM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


Spend the weekend making a very well researched, in depth, post on the effect of cyber communities on marital relations and see what you learn.
posted by nathancaswell at 10:38 AM on August 20, 2011 [12 favorites]


Bake her a pie. Everyone likes pie!
posted by phunniemee at 10:39 AM on August 20, 2011 [5 favorites]


Sounds like an askme to me.

Flowers. Brunch. Out of the house, without your iPhone. And... go.
posted by J. Wilson at 10:40 AM on August 20, 2011 [5 favorites]


It's Saturday. Go out on a date! Get off the computer! Go! Shoo!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 10:42 AM on August 20, 2011 [8 favorites]


If she just described herself as one and one of the first things you do is come here instead of talking to her, then maybe you need to step back, man. Take a break from us. We'll be here when you get back.
posted by inturnaround at 10:43 AM on August 20, 2011 [29 favorites]


DTMFA
posted by birdherder at 10:47 AM on August 20, 2011 [13 favorites]


Ask yourself who you'd rather be married to: your wife, or Brandon Blatcher.
posted by desjardins at 10:48 AM on August 20, 2011 [89 favorites]


I'm gonna go get tacos and walk in the dark by the river. You might want to do something similar.
posted by The Whelk at 10:49 AM on August 20, 2011


PS I am only here because mr. desjardins is sleeping.
posted by desjardins at 10:49 AM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


The Whelk: it's dark at 1:49 pm? What is going on over there?
posted by desjardins at 10:49 AM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


Spouse a bunch of users to make her more jealous.
posted by vrakatar at 10:49 AM on August 20, 2011


Would offer advice as person who spends too much time here, but am en route to beach for weekend with wife, typing on phone difficult.

Probably best to emulate beach trip rather than phone browsing portion of this example.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:53 AM on August 20, 2011 [13 favorites]


Too much Metafilter? METAFILTER WILL SOLVE IT.

Close the browser, goofball.
posted by EatTheWeak at 10:55 AM on August 20, 2011 [8 favorites]


I recommend the going out with her and the getting an account thing. Also go to meetups and bring her along. But the Going Out part is important--it comes first!
posted by immlass at 10:56 AM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


If you're interested in making things worse, you could start playing WoW and turn her into a WoW Widow instead. Then you can go to her and say "see, being a Metafilter widow wasn't so bad, was it, compared to this?"
posted by Bonky Moon at 11:00 AM on August 20, 2011 [7 favorites]


Introduce her to a WoW widow and watch her faith in your relationship reach new peaks.
posted by griphus at 11:01 AM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


oh for
posted by griphus at 11:01 AM on August 20, 2011 [6 favorites]


All I did was try to show her the Berglas Effect.
posted by Xurando at 11:04 AM on August 20, 2011


PS I am only here because mr. desjardins is sleeping.

Me too. I'm only here because mr. desjardins is sleeping.

I know the addiction. I've been there. Figure out for yourself what might be a reasonable amount of time spent on the computer, then see what your wife thinks. Compare notes. Compromise. You are allowed to point out that she likes watching TV shows that you don't like or you are spending less time on the computer than she is spending reading. Remember that your wife is your rock, your future and your fuck buddy. MetaFilter isn't. So act accordingly.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 11:08 AM on August 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


All I did was try to show her the Berglas Effect .

And she feels neglected. You need to talk to her about why she feels this way. You need to examine yourself to see if she's right. Either way, you need to talk about it because her perception of your time here is her reality.
posted by inturnaround at 11:08 AM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


If you love her, let her go.

At least, that's what I learned from The Sixth Sense.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:16 AM on August 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


In the immortal words of Bender, "And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?"
posted by killdevil at 11:17 AM on August 20, 2011 [7 favorites]


What Metafilter has and your life lacks is moderators. Did you flag her comment?
posted by Obscure Reference at 11:33 AM on August 20, 2011 [21 favorites]


Nothing brings a couple (or threesome) closer together than robbing a bank and not getting caught. Which usually means there has to patsy, hence threesomes work better in this situation.

Just make sure you're part of the right couple before pulling this off. There's nothing worst than finding out you're the patsy when you thought someone else was the patsy and the police are looking for you. That's the kinda shit drugs and therapy can't fix.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:35 AM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


"Please state the nature of the martial emergency"

*scans
"It has been 17 days since your mefi anniversary."
*scans
"you did not get a present?"
*scans
"this is a mild analgesic, I suggest you to go astrometrics and inquire about a subspace account or cutting back on holodeck time"
*scans
"You already have done that"
posted by clavdivs at 11:38 AM on August 20, 2011 [5 favorites]


Bottle of good wine. Sex. Repeat until condition clears up.
posted by Splunge at 11:42 AM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'd amend Slunge's advice. Better to have sex with your wife than with a bottle of wine.
posted by found missing at 11:44 AM on August 20, 2011 [12 favorites]


Do what I do with the Mrs. Ranchette. Lie down with her to take a nap together, then when her breathing is calm and smooth, sneak off for some quality 'Filtering. Unless it's a "nap," in which case, MetaFilter can wait.

Also, i am generally an insomniac, and she sleeps like the dead at night, so I do some Filtration during the 3-5 am period, as well.

These safe surfing practices allows me to feign familial attentiveness during her waking hours.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:45 AM on August 20, 2011 [5 favorites]


I don't see why both the bottle of wine and your wife can't both be included in Slunge's sex activites.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:47 AM on August 20, 2011


How did my wife get involved in Slunge's sex activities?
posted by found missing at 11:48 AM on August 20, 2011


Don't ask me, ask the bottle of wine! I'm just the cameraman.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:49 AM on August 20, 2011 [5 favorites]


What Metafilter has and your life lacks is moderators.

...and introducing "cortex" as The Marriage Ref.

Brought to you by Johnson brand sex wine. Johnson sex wine: for when you want to have sex with wine.
posted by mintcake! at 11:53 AM on August 20, 2011 [11 favorites]


Dear Cortex the Marriage Ref,

Lately my wife and I don't have that physical spark. We hardly ever cuddle anymore. I'm worried our marriage is suffering. What should I do to put the romance back in our relationship?

This post was deleted for the following reason: all your ex-es wanted break-fast in bed-sex in tex-as.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:02 PM on August 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


A Meetup underneath the Bough,
A box of sex Wine, a cameraman—and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness—
Oh, Wilderness were Metafilter enow!
posted by The Whelk at 12:02 PM on August 20, 2011 [11 favorites]


"Bottle of good wine. Sex. Repeat until condition clears up."

help dick stuck in wine bottle
posted by klangklangston at 12:06 PM on August 20, 2011 [23 favorites]


klang, you're supposed to drink the wine first. Otherwise a vacuum easily forms and you get stuck.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:13 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


Is that a 2001 Chassagne Montrachet in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
posted by The Whelk at 12:16 PM on August 20, 2011


Both!
posted by P.o.B. at 12:20 PM on August 20, 2011


It isn't a problem until she starts posting to metatalk to get you to take out the trash or pick up the kids.

Mefi wife
Scumbag Mefite
forever alone finally wins one
posted by Ad hominem at 12:21 PM on August 20, 2011 [13 favorites]


I am laughing so hard I'm going to wake up mr. desjardins and then I'll have to get off of mefi.
posted by desjardins at 12:23 PM on August 20, 2011


I heard that chicks like jewelry.

I read my husband metafilter questions. We then debate the correct answer. It's fun, and helps us bond. However, he still teases me about being on here too much.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 12:43 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


My wife just described herself as a MetaFilter widow.

I'm sensing the broad outlines of a hint there.
posted by jason's_planet at 12:56 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


AND MY AXE!
wait
posted by jquinby at 12:58 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


If you don't pay attention to her someone else will. Don't worry about anyone on here though. We all have metafilter accounts.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:59 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


All the favorites in the world won't keep you warm at night.

Although, when you are all alone, they are a slight whisper of comfort in the vastness of the uncaring universe.

Of course, if you are not reading this and are, instead, spending quality time with your wife, the second point may not be a pressing issue.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:00 PM on August 20, 2011


Spouses come and go. Metafilter is here 24/7, always welcoming you back.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:02 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


All the favorites in the world won't keep you warm at night

They don't keep me warm. But I sometimes awake in the dark of night, in a panic. I reach for my iPad, which I sleep with, to check on them. My favorites are like my children, I love them all equally but I will always have a special place in my heart for favorite 276.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:05 PM on August 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


I have the perfect answer to your question, but as there's no way to mark my answer as best in metatalk, I'm going to keep it to myself.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:16 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


found missing: "I'd amend Slunge's advice. Better to have sex with your wife than with a bottle of wine."

So I've been doing it wrong all this time? Damn.
posted by Splunge at 1:25 PM on August 20, 2011


Divorce worked for me.
posted by koeselitz at 1:30 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


Anyone notice a bunch of letter "P"s lying around? A few people dropped them.
posted by Splunge at 1:31 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


>> Not an ask me.
>> Please help!

You will never get an answer if you don't ask the question correctly. It is "Axe me" and "Please hope me".

(this has been a public service annoucemtent)
posted by lampshade at 1:50 PM on August 20, 2011


help dick stuck in wine bottle

help bottle stuck in ass
posted by ericb at 1:52 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


Great. Look at all this p. Were you guys born in barns?
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:52 PM on August 20, 2011


I had just assumed that "Slunge" was a drunken way to say Splunge, what with all those bottles of wine and such.
posted by hippybear at 1:58 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


Spouse without "p" is souse. Think about it.
posted by Splunge at 2:01 PM on August 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


help dick stuck in wine bottle

help bottle stuck in ass


at the same time?
posted by The Whelk at 2:01 PM on August 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


WHAT? That would be crazy!
posted by Splunge at 2:03 PM on August 20, 2011


crazy hot
posted by The Whelk at 2:04 PM on August 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


BTW, I can't believe Jessamyn told the OP to take a hike. That's cold.
posted by Splunge at 2:05 PM on August 20, 2011 [10 favorites]


XXX ALL-OENAL THREEWAY
posted by griphus at 2:05 PM on August 20, 2011 [6 favorites]


the safe word is "beer"
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:12 PM on August 20, 2011


Funny, our safeword is 'blazecock pileon'.
posted by item at 2:15 PM on August 20, 2011 [7 favorites]


And by 'our' safeword, I mean yours and mine, natch.
posted by item at 2:16 PM on August 20, 2011


Homer: MetaFilter the cause of and solution to all of the world's problems.
posted by Splunge at 2:17 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


You could just post a self-link.

(If you know what I mean....)
posted by Sys Rq at 2:25 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


Funny, our safeword is 'blazecock pileon'.

Unpossible. My middle name is danger.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:25 PM on August 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


BTW, I can't believe Jessamyn told the OP to take a hike. That's cold.

Yeah, I had to look up the word "hike". I thought it had something to do with football. And what kind of cruel oxymoron is "a nice hike"? I think the stress is getting to her, I really do.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 2:35 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


If your penis can actually fit inside the opening of a wine bottle then you should be thankful someone settled for you and married you, stud.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 2:45 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


It wasn't a wine bottle, it was MD 2020
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:53 PM on August 20, 2011


Sys Rq: "You could just post a self-link.

(If you know what I mean....)
"

Nudge, nudge.
posted by Splunge at 2:54 PM on August 20, 2011


It wasn't a wine bottle, it was MD 2020

Mohel in a bottle.
posted by griphus at 2:55 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


It wasn't a wine bottle, it was MD 2020

It wasn't my penis, it was a large u-shaped pork and veal sausage
posted by found missing at 2:57 PM on August 20, 2011


It wasn't my penis, it was a large u-shaped pork and veal sausage

I often confuse the two.
posted by doctor_negative at 3:08 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


If your penis can actually fit inside the opening of a wine bottle then you should be thankful someone settled for you and married you, stud.

The distinguished gentleman prefers Paul Masson California Carafes.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:10 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


When I was told that MeTa was a haven of gentility, I did not think that meant that people spent all their time talking about their genitals.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:27 PM on August 20, 2011 [9 favorites]


Speaking of a gentleman's preferred beverages, I am thinking of getting some four loko, what are the best flavours?
posted by Ad hominem at 3:35 PM on August 20, 2011


"at the same time?"

My one liner was gonna be "help same bottle".
posted by klangklangston at 3:36 PM on August 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


what are the best flavours?

• Steak and kidney pie
• Underground
• Lorry
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:49 PM on August 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


Gentile Genitals: Your source for hot WASP action.
posted by The Whelk at 3:49 PM on August 20, 2011


Speaking of a gentleman's preferred beverages, I am thinking of getting some four loko, what are the best flavours?

All of them, but only drunk of out plastic champagne glasses from Goodwill.
posted by WidgetAlley at 4:00 PM on August 20, 2011


All of them, but only drunk of out plastic champagne glasses from Goodwill.

I was thinking of going with can in a brown paper bag and drinking them with a straw, but your idea will certainly class it up a bit. I can always go for a jonmc, drink them out of a 7-11 cup on a train to queens.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:06 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


Therapy.
posted by esmerelda_jenkins at 4:08 PM on August 20, 2011


Have you considered getting the fuck off Metafilter once in a while, having a nice meal together and then sexing her up like a rampant slutmonster?

You probably should.
posted by Decani at 4:14 PM on August 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


You sir, have inspired me. Raise your hand if you have had sex with your meat-spouse since the beginning of this thread.

I'm back now. What'd I miss?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 4:24 PM on August 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


I got fruit punch, watermelon and orange, that was all the flavors they had. The fruit punch tastes like a mix of sucrets throat lozenges and zima. It is not helping that it is warm so I dug out my sterling champagne bucket I got from Takashimaya and am chilling the other cans.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:28 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


Accuse her being a hyperbolic, discombobulated, reincarnation of Hitler. Then follow her about the house, clacking your heels, saluting and bellowing "Jawohl!" at her every request.






Okay, now that you've regained consciousness ...
posted by phoque at 4:34 PM on August 20, 2011


Blazecock Pileon: "what are the best flavours?

• Steak and kidney pie
• Underground
• Lorry
"

-Hot garbage
-Taxi cab rear seat vinyl
-Bus window
-Interior of car exhaust pipe
-Jalapeno and boar urine
posted by Splunge at 4:47 PM on August 20, 2011


"... My wife just described herself as a MetaFilter widow. Please help!"
posted by Xurando

I suppose it's a bit troubling that she describes herself as a "widow," rather than a "divorcée," but, as They say, horses for courses, however short. Are you a light sleeper?
posted by paulsc at 4:51 PM on August 20, 2011 [5 favorites]


Mohel in a bottle.

A year has passed since I posted my note
I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
AskMe can mend your life
But MeTa can break your heart
posted by scody at 5:14 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


Note to Members:

Do not entreat your loved one to romance with the actual phrase "Meat-spouse."
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:38 PM on August 20, 2011 [19 favorites]


:'-(
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:39 PM on August 20, 2011


So far four loco is a big disappointment. I have trouble believing people get falling down drunk and pass out in their own vomit after drinking it. I'm just sleepy. I think I'll watch a couple episodes of cheers on netflix and call it an early night.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:39 PM on August 20, 2011


Didn't they neuter 4 Loko? Do you have the old version or the new one?
posted by nathancaswell at 5:41 PM on August 20, 2011


The label claims it has artificial flavors, guarana and taurine, maybe I got an old batch. Maybe that's why I'm sleepy, what is the shelf life on this stuff.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:47 PM on August 20, 2011


Maybe that's why I'm sleepy, what is the shelf life on this stuff.

I see an AskMe in your near future. To save time: I am not a doctor, nor is this medical advice, but why would you drink that stuff?!

(I have already flagged my answer as "noise." I aim for efficiency.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:53 PM on August 20, 2011


but why would you drink that stuff?!

I am asking myself the same thing. I am about to make myself a real drink, Goldschlager with a crushed up adderall.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:57 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


maybe I got an old batch.

No, the old stuff is the stuff you want... college kids were giving themselves alcohol poisoning and shit with the old stuff so they basically turned it into 2 beers and a red bull. The old stuff was like 6 shots and 4 red bulls.
posted by nathancaswell at 6:09 PM on August 20, 2011


Ok, I feel about 4-6 shots in. All the cans say 12.0% alcohol.

This reminds me of the last time I got drunk reading metatalk, it was during the thundersnow storm and I fell in my lobby an injured my arm while trying to go out to a bar. I better head out to karaoke before I am too drunk to walk through the lobby.
posted by Ad hominem at 6:18 PM on August 20, 2011


Pips once said to me (way back in the day) "What would you do without Metafilter?" I said "All my crazy theories and ideas? I'd tell them to you!"

"What's that Matt guys address," She said "I wanna send him flowers!"
posted by jonmc at 6:31 PM on August 20, 2011 [20 favorites]


I think I'll watch a couple episodes of cheers on netflix...

Now there's your problem.
posted by Splunge at 7:40 PM on August 20, 2011


[Add this thread to Recent Activity for laugh lines alone]
posted by Miko at 7:50 PM on August 20, 2011


Ad hominem: "Ok, I feel about 4-6 shots in. All the cans say 12.0% alcohol.

This reminds me of the last time I got drunk reading metatalk, it was during the thundersnow storm and I fell in my lobby an injured my arm while trying to go out to a bar. I better head out to karaoke before I am too drunk to walk through the lobby.
"

Yes you do this thing. Myself i almost convinced myself to leave the house tonight as well. I am thinking about going to the new bar that sort of reopened a block away from my house.

I am rather drunk. And the bar is run by people who do not speak english. But i pass by it every day. And i KNOW that they would love to have me there. Cause I'm that kind of fun.
posted by Splunge at 8:00 PM on August 20, 2011


Everyone deserves a hug. Especially your wife.
posted by crunchland at 8:02 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


Yes I will do this thing. Maybe they have karaoke.
posted by Splunge at 8:02 PM on August 20, 2011


Well I'm at karaoke right now waiting to sing.the wierd thing about karaoke in new York is that Levi Aron, the guy recently arrested for murder was a well known figure. That guy has been around the scene for over 10 years, and he was close with all the celeb karaoke people.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:24 PM on August 20, 2011


and here I am sipping wine and getting right to the point where I'm sure to fin my CIV IV game and listening about photons
posted by The Whelk at 8:45 PM on August 20, 2011


You're only here because mr. desjardins is sleeping.
posted by trip and a half at 8:58 PM on August 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


Shut up and don't mention the potion
posted by The Whelk at 9:03 PM on August 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


I am thinking about going to the new bar that sort of reopened a block away from my house.

Splunge I understand you're a little tipsy but I believe it's in your best interest to wait until the bar is a little more than sort of reopened before you attempt to wrestle your way in!
posted by addelburgh at 9:31 PM on August 20, 2011


Do not entreat your loved one to romance with the actual phrase "Meat-spouse."

i assure you my large bone-in ham hock husband finds it terribly romantic

then i cover him with pineapple slices


HAY GUYS I HEARD THIS WAS THE DRUNK THRAD
posted by elizardbits at 9:44 PM on August 20, 2011 [5 favorites]


Large bone-in ham hock husband describes my trip to Maine nicely.
posted by The Whelk at 10:06 PM on August 20, 2011 [8 favorites]


My meatspouse has a terrible reputation on the grey
posted by infini at 11:53 PM on August 20, 2011


oh wait, was taht supposed to refer to real life people in our mental constructs?
posted by infini at 11:54 PM on August 20, 2011


I have never felt a single twinge of desire to be legally married until I saw the word, "meatspouse".
posted by WidgetAlley at 1:09 AM on August 21, 2011


I will give you the actual and accurate answer to your request for help, rather than a jocular one (how can you ignore the advice of someone responding to your plea at 3:30 am?).

When your spouse/significant other is complaining about your participation at a specific website, this is a definitive indication of your needing to dial back your participation at said website, full stop.

(This doesn't exactly apply to paid mods for whom this would actually be a subset of the issue "my spouse/significant other is complaining about my over-involvement with my job").
posted by nanojath at 1:35 AM on August 21, 2011


You're only here because mr. desjardins is sleeping.

And when he wakes, we'll go out -- bang! -- just like a candle! or maybe just this thread will go out and we'll wake up drooling on smartphones or keyboards
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 1:37 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'll also answer for reals: Date nights (and possibly some degree of re-wooing).

If she's seriously or even semi-seriously complaining about you spending too much time online, it means she'd like to spend more engaged time with you, and that's great: She still wants you, yay!

So, start dating. Romantic dinners (you cook, or evening out); walks in the woods; sit under the moon and share a bottle of wine; ice cream excursions; movie nights; champagne brunch; bed and breakfast weekend; read aloud to each other, or read the same book at the same time, and have your own little, scheduled, two-of-you book club meetings to discuss. Expend a little effort. Be creative.

Mainly, have conversations that aren't all about the kids, or work, or the bills, or the roof that needs to be repaired. A little goes a long way... most happily married people don't need or want to date three times a week, but one quality date a week, reliably, plus other random fun outings (or innings, nudge nudge) will buff everything up, put a spring in your step, a smile on your face, and make you both remember why you are together.

I'm lucky because I have a very good model... my parents have been happily married for going on 60 years, and things they have done before, during, and after kids (and still do), have been to take both long and short getaways together at every opportunity (they're on one right now), spend a lot of time outdoors together (long walks, gardening, boating, BBQs, camping), sit around and sip their cocktails and bullshit together while watching the sunset, cooking together, going out dancing.

Now, I've been married for over 20 years, and we do it a bit differently (more urban, more technology bonding, dog crazy, music, books), and sometimes one or the other of us can tend more towards fail because we're a lot lazier and more complacent – but the other one always drags us back in line (my husband has complained about metafilter/similar online time... I've complained about his busy social schedule), and the dates are dazzlingly rejuvenating. Close the laptop (my demon), turn off the cellphone (his), and just go out and sit at an outdoor cafe, drink too much wine (me) and talk about everything under the sun. For me, he's still the most fun person I know to talk to and spend time with, and he's still the hottest guy I ever saw/met/imagined.

But if the dates lag, we lag. Date! (you'll still have plenty of time for MeFi, I promise.)

/askmesque
posted by taz at 2:55 AM on August 21, 2011 [14 favorites]


You understand, of course, that once the sig-other defines herself as a "whatever widow", the step to dropping that descriptor ("whatever") and being just a "widow" can be a route that appears logical and somewhat satisfying.

Are there weapons in the house?

see, I'm late to this damn party because I spent the evening watching bad TV and talking to the wife, inspiring good times as the night came to a close...just saying, Metafilter is good, but it ain't THAT good.
posted by tomswift at 3:14 AM on August 21, 2011


Is this a straight-man post? A troll? Or an actual cry for help?

Perhaps a mod should lock the poster's account until his wife verifies she no longer feels like a widow.
posted by rodgerd at 3:36 AM on August 21, 2011


HAY GUYS I HEARD THIS WAS THE DRUNK THRAD

I wish, four loko was a letdown. I decided to push it as far as I could, I started making calls, relying on my not inconsiderable resources. I ended up in a 4th floor apartment on 28th street, every visible surface was covered will pills, pill bottles, and strange drug ephemera. He asked me what I wanted, I told him up, it has to be up. He unlocked a filing cabinet, I figure if he kept it locked in a filing cabinet it had to be good. He handed me a glad bag, the kind of bag poor kids used to bring sandwiches to school in. The corner was full of whiter powder. I paid him 100 dollars and took the bag. It was a bit clumpy, but that didn't matter. I had plans, I had brought my bottle of grain alcohol, they sell it as "everclear", but not in New York. A friend from Jersey had bought it for me. I loosened the top, opened the bottle, and dumped the powder in. I now had four loko from hell. Needless to say, I mixed it with some hawian punch, had a few drinks, sang a few songs, and here I am, none the worse for wear.
posted by Ad hominem at 4:54 AM on August 21, 2011


DTMFA
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:04 AM on August 21, 2011


DTMFA

We tried that already. Meat-spouses do not respond to Dial-Tone Multi-Frequency Access. That's just silly. They don't even have keypads.
posted by loquacious at 5:16 AM on August 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


Dual-tone. Gah, that's a hell of a way to ruin an already unfunny telecom nerd joke with a single typo.
posted by loquacious at 5:19 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


About those keypads...
posted by infini at 5:20 AM on August 21, 2011


The odd thing is blue box tones were also dual tone, except for the 2600 reset tone. Talk about an oversite.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:25 AM on August 21, 2011


Now youre just phishing for the obscure references. Hang it up!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:36 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Anyway, all of that stuff is OOB now. Nowadays it is called CCIS, common channel Interoffice signaling, or so it was called last I looked. When they first started switching new york over to ESS I found all the specs at the reference library on 42nd street and the rest I pulled out of the trash at the bridge street nynex office. Fun times.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:39 AM on August 21, 2011


Joose is better than FourLoko, BTW.
posted by jonmc at 6:54 AM on August 21, 2011


UPDATE: mr. desjardins is still sleeping. I mean, he was awake at some point since my last update. We had leftover Chinese food. We watched ST:TNG. Then I fell asleep.* Pay attention kids, this is Saturday night when you're over 35 and married.

*TNG has some strange sedative quality for me that other scifi doesn't have. Not enough explosions?
posted by desjardins at 7:49 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


My Mister, who does not like TNG at all does claim it has a powerful soporific effect. I think it's all the beige.
posted by The Whelk at 8:05 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


it's because nearly every single character on the show has an extremely soothing voice.
posted by elizardbits at 8:13 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


hay guys i heard this was the hungover thrad
posted by elizardbits at 8:14 AM on August 21, 2011


Since I've been on a bit of a Ngaio Marsh binge, apparently hangovers used to be called carryovers back in the 1930s/40s.
posted by infini at 8:28 AM on August 21, 2011


Everything on TNG is very slow and even and nothing too terrible happens, it's like Mister Rodgers with more interesting puppets.

We should make and market Sex Wine: For when you want to have sex. If the world can tolerate Marylin Merlot it can tolerate this.
posted by The Whelk at 8:31 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


We should make and market Sex Wine: For when you want to have sex.

When I was in Naples last month the clerk at the wine store was pouring tastings of local white wine. He held it up, waved it around, and said exultantly in English, "Viagra for women!"
posted by Miko at 8:45 AM on August 21, 2011


Everything on TNG is very slow and even and nothing too terrible happens,

I was about to say what about when Tasha died, but then I remembered how fucking horrible that monster was. Did they ever explain why Geordi switched from Command to Engineering? And then ended up as the Chief Engineer? Did he minor in engineering at the academy or something?
posted by nooneyouknow at 9:30 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


OMG SPOILERS!!! We're only in season 1! How dare you!
posted by desjardins at 9:42 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I had a false memory of Tasha's death being like epic and dramatic, and was floored rewatching it by how goddam lame it was. Zap, she's dead, oh no. Picard made a bigger fuss over diplomatic irregularities in later seasons.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:53 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


well now I'm taking this out of my recent activity THANK YOU VERY MUCH CORTEX
posted by desjardins at 11:43 AM on August 21, 2011


desjardins, when the spoilers fell.
posted by The Whelk at 11:46 AM on August 21, 2011 [7 favorites]


cortex and Crosby, at Tanagra.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:49 AM on August 21, 2011 [4 favorites]


Picard made a bigger deal about Wesley being on the bridge THAT season.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:53 AM on August 21, 2011


Theory: everything the replicators create comes loaded with Nyquil
posted by The Whelk at 11:55 AM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


I was prepared to be all impressed that Xurando had walked away from MetaFilter last night sometime, but it turns out that he's commented in the past 20 minutes or so in a thread someplace...

I wonder if his widow has cashed the life insurance check yet, and what she plans on doing with all that money.
posted by hippybear at 11:55 AM on August 21, 2011


He gets Wifi from inside that box in the shallow grave 3 miles off the highway, so he's not too worried until his battery runs low.
posted by The Whelk at 11:59 AM on August 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


Splunge. His head pounding, his eyes bloodshot.
posted by Splunge at 12:00 PM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Computer: Dog, hair of.
posted by The Whelk at 12:02 PM on August 21, 2011


I woke up with no pants and a wine bottle next to me. I'm chalking that one up as a successful night.
posted by P.o.B. at 1:19 PM on August 21, 2011


It was so romantic
posted by The Whelk at 1:19 PM on August 21, 2011


I hope so!
posted by P.o.B. at 1:29 PM on August 21, 2011


My wife just described herself as a MetaFilter widow.

Zlad's take on this.

When I'm out on the street in NYC and see almost everybody texting or on the cellphone, I feel like I've lost the world to an electronic device. But then, when I get home I'm on the web, where I love to be.

You married pre web, so this must be hard on her. Guess she's saying she'd like to have more of your attention and time. You might put time boundaries on your web activity when at home?
posted by nickyskye at 2:13 PM on August 21, 2011


I just threw out all the empty four loko cans. I'll say one thing, that was the most lucid drunk ever, I called or texted everyone I know, and some I didn't. Never again.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:00 PM on August 21, 2011


Lucid Drinking, it's like Lucid Dreaming but with consequences.
posted by The Whelk at 3:43 PM on August 21, 2011 [4 favorites]


I wonder if his widow has cashed the life insurance check yet, and what she plans on doing with all that money.

From MeFi Widow to MeFi Millionairess: The Metafilter Dream
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:57 PM on August 21, 2011


Metafilter Prefers Blondes

How To Marry A Mefite

The Seven-Year Lurk
posted by The Whelk at 5:03 PM on August 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'd amend Slunge's advice
Anyone notice a bunch of letter "P"s lying around?


Actually I sometimes misread your name as 'Splurge' and get all like "You're right, I should just go buy a Caramello and listen to "What's Going On" on headphones and have some me time."
posted by mintcake! at 5:19 PM on August 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


My new favourite SF show for sleepytimes is the 1970s BBC drama 'Survivors'. It has no incidental music at all.
posted by Sparx at 5:43 PM on August 21, 2011


jessamyn: "I suggest either getting her an account or closing down your browser for the rest of the weekend and going for a nice hike together."

To a Mod with a Banhammer, everything looks like a trail.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:38 PM on August 21, 2011


"Never get involved in a boy and girl fight."
(William Burroughs)

This thread should've closed long ago.
posted by philip-random at 12:38 AM on August 22, 2011


Sooooo... she's technically single now, right? Have her ping me when the grieving period is over.
posted by Eideteker at 5:58 AM on August 22, 2011


This thread is dead

(undead undead undead )
posted by The Whelk at 7:16 AM on August 22, 2011


See, the reason I still have a Mr. Sophie is because I miss all the good weekend threads.

The sacrifices we make for our meat...
posted by Sophie1 at 7:46 AM on August 22, 2011


spouse.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:46 AM on August 22, 2011


mouse
posted by The Whelk at 7:58 AM on August 22, 2011


house
posted by Splunge at 8:00 AM on August 22, 2011


louse
posted by The Whelk at 8:01 AM on August 22, 2011


arouse
posted by Splunge at 10:51 AM on August 22, 2011


grouse
posted by The Whelk at 11:23 AM on August 22, 2011


souse
posted by koeselitz at 11:25 AM on August 22, 2011


scouse
posted by koeselitz at 11:26 AM on August 22, 2011


toulouse
posted by koeselitz at 11:27 AM on August 22, 2011


blouse
posted by griphus at 11:27 AM on August 22, 2011


ouse
posted by koeselitz at 11:31 AM on August 22, 2011


bauhaus
posted by Sys Rq at 11:32 AM on August 22, 2011


louse
posted by koeselitz at 11:33 AM on August 22, 2011


amorous
posted by iamkimiam at 11:33 AM on August 22, 2011


rouse
posted by griphus at 11:33 AM on August 22, 2011


douse
posted by Sys Rq at 11:35 AM on August 22, 2011


carouse
posted by HandfulOfDust at 11:38 AM on August 22, 2011


potato
posted by iamkimiam at 11:42 AM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


tomato
posted by HandfulOfDust at 11:49 AM on August 22, 2011


Wait, are we playing the vegetable game or the words-with-OU game? I can't tell anymore.

kohlrabi, Ouagadougou
posted by phunniemee at 11:52 AM on August 22, 2011


Mornington Crescent!!!!
posted by HandfulOfDust at 11:55 AM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]


zamouse (look it up).
posted by Splunge at 12:03 PM on August 22, 2011


ventouse
posted by HandfulOfDust at 12:10 PM on August 22, 2011


It's either Hop on Pop, or Fox in Socks, not sure yet.
posted by Melismata at 1:50 PM on August 22, 2011


bernouse
posted by Sys Rq at 2:03 PM on August 22, 2011


Hot hot Pop on Pop action.
posted by The Whelk at 2:35 PM on August 22, 2011


trousersnake
posted by HandfulOfDust at 2:41 PM on August 22, 2011


mööse
posted by Splunge at 2:44 PM on August 22, 2011


girl's blouse
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:04 PM on August 22, 2011


Carouse
posted by The Whelk at 3:06 PM on August 22, 2011


Mxyzptlk-ouse.
posted by Splunge at 3:29 PM on August 22, 2011


This is the thread that doesn't end
Yes, it goes on and on my friend
Some people started posting it not knowing what it was
And they`ll continue posting it forever just because...
posted by Splunge at 3:31 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]


There is a thread that never goes out
posted by The Whelk at 3:35 PM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm so, so sorry.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:37 PM on August 22, 2011


I stopped coming here for, like, six months, for no particular reason. Nobody noticed. Not even me. You should be able to walk away similarly. If you cannot, then you may have a problem. Even if you can, she still has a point, because she's more important than us. Go, man, go!
posted by davejay at 6:29 PM on August 22, 2011


davejay: " Nobody noticed. "

Some of us noticed. Welcome back.
posted by zarq at 8:57 AM on August 23, 2011


Tell her she's lucky you're a MeFite not a Goon. I live with a Goon.
posted by radioamy at 4:08 PM on August 23, 2011


Mixed-Site Relationships and fraught with landmines
posted by The Whelk at 7:29 PM on August 23, 2011


That's weird. I have a fixed sight on revelations distraught with hand mimes.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:36 PM on August 23, 2011


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