Meet the sexiest mefites November 11, 2011 8:11 AM   Subscribe

Mefi Magazine's sexiest mefite entries are now posted and the poll is live. Voting is open to mefites and non-mefites alike. Reading the entries is sexy. Voting is sexy. Poll closes at the end of November 13th.

Thanks to all you sexy people who entered. Your answers made me lol.
posted by mandymanwasregistered to MetaFilter-Related at 8:11 AM (66 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

Fuck! I knew I forgot to do something! I just can't believe that "something" was "be sexy."

My vote is officially for sale, folks.
posted by griphus at 8:19 AM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


O god these lined up just right for you, didn't they. *guffaw*
posted by carsonb at 8:22 AM on November 11, 2011


Just remember, these votes are for "moral victory", or "second place". I was happy to accept the People's Popular Award for Sexiest Mefite a week or so ago by general acclaimation of the house and show of wiggly bits.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:25 AM on November 11, 2011


griphus, as I said in the other thread I will perform oral sex (i.e. blowjob or 9V recharging) for your vote, so let's get busy sweety!
posted by Meatbomb at 8:30 AM on November 11, 2011


Can I start a write-in campaign?

CARSONB FOR SEXIEST MEFITE

cvccvc  cvccvc
    \        /
     \  0  /
       | |
       | |
      |M|
      ||||
posted by carsonb at 8:32 AM on November 11, 2011


Huh. The 'M' in the middle of ASCII Carson makes it look like a HUGE BIRD is rising up to bite off his junk. WATCH OUT, ASCII CARSON.
posted by mintcake! at 8:38 AM on November 11, 2011 [5 favorites]


OR that his junk is a huge bitey bird.
posted by elizardbits at 8:38 AM on November 11, 2011


Flattered, Meatbomb, but with me it's cold, hard cash or the door.

Also I think it looks like ASCII carson crapped himself in a pair of tights. So he's got my vote.
posted by griphus at 8:41 AM on November 11, 2011


I want to thank all of you for making me the winner of the "Eh, it's been a while, you'll do" category.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:48 AM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


At first I read that as Sexist, and I was like cant we have one nice day on here?
posted by wheelieman at 8:51 AM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]


Fuck the hollow sham of your democracy! It's still me, Dei gratia and in perpetuam. Nurse, the screens!
posted by Abiezer at 8:51 AM on November 11, 2011


I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected.
posted by The White Hat at 8:53 AM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]


JUST KIDDING I AM A LOVE MACHINE.
posted by The White Hat at 8:53 AM on November 11, 2011 [4 favorites]


JUST KIDDING I AM A LOVE MACHINE.

I am too, but I have this message on me that says PC LOAD LETTER and nobody knows what it means!
posted by FishBike at 8:56 AM on November 11, 2011


OR that his junk is a huge bitey bird.

Beaked squid, actually. Y'all are into cephalopods, right?
posted by carsonb at 8:57 AM on November 11, 2011


I can't pick just one (what's new!)

So I vote everyone is the sexiest. Sexiness isn't a scarce resource. It increases the more you share it. Because this is a sexy space I won't hug anyone without prior consent but, you know where to get 'em if you want 'em.
posted by the young rope-rider at 9:00 AM on November 11, 2011


Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah. \o/
posted by villanelles at dawn at 9:03 AM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


If elected sexiest mefite, I can promise three things.

1) sexiness
2) a happy dance.
3) ermm, what was three again?


If elected sexiest mefite, I can promise three things.

1) sexiness
2) a happy dance.
3) I appear to have forgotten number three.

oops.
posted by seanyboy at 9:31 AM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


Erotic, Passionate Ardor? (that would be "EPA", for short)
posted by taz (staff) at 9:39 AM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


If you think fleece jammies and Uggs slippers are sexy, vote for me.
posted by desjardins at 9:48 AM on November 11, 2011


WHAT NO WRITE-IN CANDIDATES WHY I
posted by crunchland at 10:09 AM on November 11, 2011


cvccvc

Are these shaken pom-poms? Dismembered wiggly bits? Sexy signage?
posted by Dano St at 10:47 AM on November 11, 2011


In honor of Nigel Tufnel day, I feel I must quote: Wot's wrong with bein' sexy?
posted by zomg at 10:49 AM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]


I can't vote because rtha and her fedora aren't on the list.
posted by HopperFan at 11:09 AM on November 11, 2011


I graciously removed myself from the contest.
posted by The Whelk at 11:29 AM on November 11, 2011


I like Seanyboy's and The White Hat's entries in juxtaposition.

Missionary on grilled cheese would be odd, cuz the cheese cools so quickly. But if you have two grilled cheese, you can have symmetric goopines on both buttocks.

My grilled cheese brings all the foodies to the yard.
And they're like: it's not better than mine.
Damn right, it's better than yours.
I can teach you, but your selection of cheese
And methodology
Lacks creativity and is rather mundane.
You could take a lesson from Rachel Ray.
Yeah, I said it: from Rachel Ray.
posted by herrdoktor at 12:40 PM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


I would remind voters concerned about cold cheese-diddling to remember their high school physics: friction → heat → warm cheese.
posted by The White Hat at 12:52 PM on November 11, 2011


Missionary on grilled cheese would be odd, cuz the cheese cools so quickly.

Not quick enough for me! I'd take "goat on a cliff" but then again that's my go-to position for any food-based intercourse. She can even eat the grilled cheese if she wants.

Brina really had me going, but "no tots?" WTF, woman!

I approve of this but I am not voting.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:04 PM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


I AM HORNY WITH OUTRAGE.
posted by 1000monkeys at 1:14 PM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]


I voted for forktine because he can lock me in his dungeon. Threat or promise? Either way it's gonna b hott
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:14 PM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


I voted twice but changed my mind so I voted agin.
posted by Sailormom at 1:15 PM on November 11, 2011 [1 favorite]


griphus, as I said in the other thread I will perform oral sex (i.e. blowjob or 9V recharging) for your vote, so let's get busy sweety!
posted by Meatbomb

Flattered, Meatbomb, but with me it's cold, hard cash or the door.
posted by griphus


You know, boys, the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive...
posted by 1000monkeys at 1:16 PM on November 11, 2011


All the Mefites I find sexy aren't in that list.

Except for Meatbomb, obviously.
posted by Decani at 2:19 PM on November 11, 2011


Sexiest Mefite

Ogling you all shamelessly
Hmmm...
...What?
Oh!

tearing my gaze away, blushing
I'm so sorry!
I was distracted!
I didn't mean...well!
I guess I'm caught, aren't I?
laughing nervously, a bit breathless

So.
This is awkward now, isn't it?
I suppose I might as well admit it.
I am a little flustered.
You have me at a disadvantage.
It's just...
Well, it's rather hard to concentrate when you're right there.
Silly. It's silly, isn't it?
But still.
There it is.

I thought, thought that maybe
You suspected?
Suspected my feelings for you?
Surely you must be aware of, of
The effect you have on me?
I-I-I'm stammering, I know.
But...
I wondered if maybe
You might feel something, too?

Looks at you sideways, from beneath dark lashes
Oh!
You feel it too, don't you?
You do! I know you do.
I see it in your smile.
And your eyes, they're so, so knowing.
Like you can see right inside me.

Shivering
There! There. You're doing it again!
You're so close.
So, so close.
Why, I can almost touch you.
If I just reached out...
Oh, must you stand so close?!

Quietly
I can't fight this any more.
You're going to make me say it, aren't you?
Fine.
I'll say it.

Looks up, meeting your eyes
It's you.
It's you, all right? You're the sexiest Mefite!
The sexiest Mefite that's ever been.
That ever will be.
It's always been you!
posted by misha at 2:54 PM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]


*fans self*
posted by villanelles at dawn at 2:56 PM on November 11, 2011


I was a bit surprised that I wasn't on this list, but then I noticed that fellow MeFites Jesse Thorn, Joe Hodgman, Adam Savage, and Amanda Palmer are likewise not on the list and I was like, oh, cool, no celebrities. That makes sense, and is fair.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 3:51 PM on November 11, 2011


Sexiness is not sexy.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:03 PM on November 11, 2011 [2 favorites]


WHERE IS THE WHELK

I DEMAND THE WHELK

OR IS HE CLASSIFIED AS A PROFESSIONAL
posted by Madamina at 4:57 PM on November 11, 2011


I vote for herrdoktor, after all, cleanliness is next to sexiness.
posted by arcticseal at 5:15 PM on November 11, 2011


DID YOU KNOW...

...that having SEX WITH MEATBOMB causes cancer in laboratory rats, but only the EVIL ONES?!

...that having SEX WITH MEATBOMB has never caused a border skirmish, much less an ALL-OUT WAR?!

...that having SEX WITH MEATBOMB makes your cerebrospinal fluid taste like DELICIOUS PEPPERMINT?!

...that having SEX WITH MEATBOMB is like having with sex with everyone Meatbomb has ever had sex with, IN TERMS OF ORGASMS PER MINUTE?!

...that having SEX WITH MEATBOMB is only frowned upon by HUMORLESS SQUARES?!

IT'S TRUE!

MEATBOMB FOR SEXIEST MEFITE!





Paid for by "Let's Sex Up Meatbomb!", a non-profit political action committee headquartered in low Earth orbit.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:27 PM on November 11, 2011 [4 favorites]


Fuck! I knew I forgot to do something! I just can't believe that "something" was "be sexy."

Some of us don't need to be reminded.
posted by jonmc at 8:22 PM on November 11, 2011


After looking at doctor_negative's ASCII self portrait I feel suddenly compelled to vote for the almighty doctor_negative!
posted by govtdrone at 8:22 PM on November 11, 2011


brina, for sure. Except for taters: It's tots all the way down.

And Cortex? More like, bore-fest.
posted by wallabear at 9:01 PM on November 11, 2011


I VOTED FOR SEANYBOY HIS SENSE OF HUMOR STRUCK A LOUD CHROD WITH ME
MUSICAL CHROD
CHRODPIECE
TIME TO SLEEP.
posted by herrdoktor at 9:13 PM on November 11, 2011 [3 favorites]


I didn't know the Vatican even had causal Fridays. No prophecies then? Does God become temporarily non-atemporal?
posted by hattifattener at 1:31 AM on November 12, 2011


I voted for fraula. Because I too have a deep red shirt with white polka dots.

It matches my pinstriped suit.
posted by Wolof at 4:11 AM on November 12, 2011


In leiu of entering the contest, here's a photo of me in my underpants, thank you.
posted by The Whelk at 7:53 AM on November 12, 2011


Causal Fridays at the Vatican are the days when shit is made to happen.
posted by The White Hat at 8:53 AM on November 12, 2011


I refrained from entering so as not to produce crippling paroxysms of lust in the userbase.
posted by klangklangston at 9:46 AM on November 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


After looking at doctor_negative's ASCII self portrait I feel suddenly compelled to vote for the almighty doctor_negative!

Psychosteganographic text converter, working.
posted by doctor_negative at 12:19 PM on November 12, 2011


crippling paroxysms of lust in the userbase.
posted by klangklangston at 5:46 PM on November 12


There's a cream you can get for that now.
posted by Decani at 1:39 PM on November 12, 2011


Certainly is.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 1:59 PM on November 12, 2011


The Whelk: In leiu of entering the contest, here's a photo of me in my underpants, thank you.

You warned me, yet I still clicked on it. I really am fuckin' thick sometimes.
posted by gman at 2:08 PM on November 12, 2011


Wow, gman has been in the bathroom a long time.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:51 PM on November 12, 2011


"In lieu of entering the contest, here's a photo of me in my underpants, thank you."

Some things you can't unsee. This is is why there are no pictures of me in my underpants on the internet.
posted by arcticseal at 4:35 PM on November 12, 2011


I'm looking at The Whelk's briefs and NASCAR's fourth-tier series race on SPEED at the same time.

I'm so confused.
posted by wallabear at 4:40 PM on November 12, 2011 [1 favorite]


Pretty foul.
posted by Burhanistan at 4:49 PM on November 12, 2011


I know, the fourth-tier is hard to watch.
posted by wallabear at 5:21 PM on November 12, 2011


How do I know if a prospective sexiest Mefite is the type to, um, pull my hair?
posted by decathecting at 6:34 PM on November 12, 2011


Where is the hair located?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:53 PM on November 12, 2011


Cleveland.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:57 PM on November 12, 2011 [2 favorites]


It's morning again in Metafilter. Today, more MeFites will be sexy at each other than ever before in our site's history. With prurient interest rates at a record high, nearly 2,000 MeFites will simultaneously be browsing pornography and commenting on SLYT posts. This afternoon, 6,500 young men and women will get freaky, and with only 30 of them making references to the Starland Vocal Band, the vast majority will be doing it unironically, leaving their partners looking forward with confidence to the future. It's morning again on Metafilter, and under the sexiness of The White Hat, our collective erectile tissues are harder and faster and stronger. Why would we ever want to return to where we were less than seven short years ago?

My name is The White Hat, and I approve this message.

Paid for by the committee to erect TWH.
posted by The White Hat at 9:51 PM on November 12, 2011 [3 favorites]


The Whelk: In leiu of entering the contest, here's a photo of me in my underpants, thank you.

I've just come.
posted by Decani at 12:42 PM on November 14, 2011


Is this going to end like that stupid Time magazine cover with the mirror on it? Sexiest Mefite is YOU!
posted by villanelles at dawn at 11:54 AM on November 17, 2011


Neither RSS nor voting are working for me.
posted by desuetude at 3:53 PM on November 19, 2011


(I don't mean that in a "they're not sexy enough to turn me on" way, I mean that the RSS link tells me that the XML file does not appear to have any style information associated with it and the voting link tells me that the form is no longer accepting responses.)
posted by desuetude at 3:54 PM on November 19, 2011


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