Shit New Yorkers Say. January 19, 2012 9:02 AM   Subscribe

Shit New Yorkers Say. Very well done (with MeFi's own hermitosis appearing throughout).
posted by ericb to MetaFilter-Related at 9:02 AM (183 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite

Shit Scientists Say

Not MetaFilter related, but I've been looking for a place to put it.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:15 AM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Yay hermitosis! You are a staaaaar!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:19 AM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Every friend on my Facebook has posted this. I definitely did a double-take this morning. Hermi, you can't do that to me, pre-coffee.

(YAY!)
posted by functionequalsform at 9:26 AM on January 19, 2012


Shit DC says.
posted by empath at 9:26 AM on January 19, 2012 [7 favorites]


"Queeeeens?"

Perfect.
posted by griphus at 9:31 AM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Hahahaha fantastic.
posted by penduluum at 9:39 AM on January 19, 2012


Awsome, another link about New York on MetaFilter! Haven't seen one of those in a while.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:40 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Whoa, I saw that in not-MetaFilter! I had no idea that was MeFi's Own (TM) hermitosis.
posted by ignignokt at 9:41 AM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Enjoyed that much more than I thought I would.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:41 AM on January 19, 2012


Awsome, another link about New York on MetaFilter! Haven't seen one of those in a while.

So you're working on Shit Mefites Say, I take it?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:42 AM on January 19, 2012 [35 favorites]


I am vowing here and now to participate in "Shit Mefites Say" to the best of my abilities.
posted by griphus at 9:48 AM on January 19, 2012


BEGONE CRUEL MIRROR
posted by The Whelk at 9:49 AM on January 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


I am proud to live in a neighborhood that is only known by its beer garden.
posted by gaspode at 9:51 AM on January 19, 2012 [8 favorites]


Shit Mefites Say:


Meh.
posted by The Whelk at 9:51 AM on January 19, 2012


and it's large number of hirsute homosexuals gaspode.
posted by The Whelk at 9:52 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


No no, your neighborhood is also known by it's remoteness and sharing the cruel fate of Bay Ridge of being only accessible by the slowest train in the five boroughs.
posted by griphus at 9:52 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


HAH! I just linked all my friends to this, unaware of the MeFi angle. Neat!
posted by Narrative Priorities at 9:52 AM on January 19, 2012


There's already a Shit Mefites Say. It's called MeFi. And I saw hermitosis just the other day, he was in my store shopping for a book on Twin Peaks. That morning when I arrived at work, right next to the door was a Taco Bell cup full of piss. These events are amusing but not related.
posted by jonmc at 9:54 AM on January 19, 2012 [8 favorites]


Oh, hush griphus. The R train isn't the only one that goes to Astoria, and the N line is frequent and fast.
posted by gaspode at 9:55 AM on January 19, 2012


Also: "...do you smell maple syrup?" got the biggest laugh from me.
posted by gaspode at 9:56 AM on January 19, 2012 [8 favorites]


In Strange Mefite Coincidences Griphus and I discovered we basically knew other by proxy for years pre-Metafilter.

/xfiles theme
posted by The Whelk at 9:56 AM on January 19, 2012


The Maple Syrup Incident led to one of the greatest NY Times headlines ever.

...and, yeah, it's somewhat weird discovering that you "know" someone you "know" in two completely different uses of irony quotes.
posted by griphus at 10:02 AM on January 19, 2012 [9 favorites]


So you're working on Shit Mefites Say, I take it?

Just like a NYefite!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:03 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Brandon, I can't take out my anger on whoever coined "USian," but you've made the mistake of leaving your GPS coordinates in your profile...
posted by griphus at 10:06 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm happy that this post was prefaced with someone external confirming that hermitosis was actually in this, or else I might have seen the video elsewhere and been like, "Oh god no it's happening again"
posted by Greg Nog at 10:07 AM on January 19, 2012 [12 favorites]


I had no idea that was MeFi's Own (TM) hermitosis.

For those who don't know hermitosis by sight, it should be clarified that he's a handsome fella showing up as an unspeaking extra in some of the shots, not the fella actually reciting the Newyorkian lines.

Shit Mefites Say

Hmm. Hmmmmm.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:08 AM on January 19, 2012 [7 favorites]


...but you've made the mistake of leaving your GPS coordinates in your profile...

You too!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:09 AM on January 19, 2012


I said it first, cortex. You steal my idea, I steal your big donut.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:10 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Wow, I have absolutely no idea why those GPS coordinates were in my profile. I neither live there, nor is it the default location for my neighborhood. I just changed it to the latter, so come and get me at this other place I actually don't live.
posted by griphus at 10:14 AM on January 19, 2012


I didn't click but I assume it is a list of bullshit like "you can't get a good ________ outside of New York."
posted by Hey, Zeus! at 10:14 AM on January 19, 2012


I didn't click but I assume

hey, another volunteer for ThePinkSuperhero!
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:21 AM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Wow, I have absolutely no idea why those GPS coordinates were in my profile.

You were probably too busy getting a bagel.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:22 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Question: When hermitosis says that he loves pizza, but he's holding a like folded cardboard triangle with grease on it, is that some sort of NY-centric joke?
posted by shakespeherian at 10:22 AM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


I read the Post. Not ironically either.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:22 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I didn't click but I assume it is a list of bullshit like "you can't get a good ________ outside of New York."

That's fascinating! I'd love to hear you share an extensive description of all the things you assume are in the video without clicking on it. Just type out whatever comes to mind, there are no wrong answers here.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:22 AM on January 19, 2012 [44 favorites]


The shit, it writes itself!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:23 AM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


"You have to go to Brooklyn, it's the law!"

Heh. As a Brit who lived in NYC I had my own variation on that. You could always tell which of the sneaky bastards were going to try it on. They crawl up, window down...

"Where you going?"

"Not far!" *grab door, swing inside*

"Williamsburg, South 4th."

"Ah, I can't go over the bridge. I'm going off duty."

"Your light was on, let's go"

"Only Manhattan."

"FIVE BOROUGHS, MAN. YOU ALREADY LOST YOUR TIP. DON'T MAKE ME REPORT YOU TOO."

Always did the trick. Especially when coupled with the infamous Decani Death Stare.
posted by Decani at 10:27 AM on January 19, 2012 [7 favorites]


Really? I haven't lived In NYC for over 20 years and people still say all that stuff?

Watching this made me feel I had time traveled but the clothes and hair were slightly wrong.
posted by bearwife at 10:27 AM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Yeah, shakes, the joke is that no one outside of NYC knows what a pizza is supposed to looks like. Especially in Chicago where they serve tomato paste in a bread bowl and call it a day.

(Also hermitosis is the blonde dude with plugs.)
posted by griphus at 10:28 AM on January 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


Tell us more of your cheese pie Chicagolander.
posted by The Whelk at 10:29 AM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


The only good pizza is Italian pizza. I have spoken.
posted by Decani at 10:30 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I am quite fond of the Bronx.
posted by sciencegeek at 10:30 AM on January 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


South 4th and what, Decani? After finding out the Whelk and I know a bunch of the same people, I'd love to find out we lived in the same apartment or something.
posted by griphus at 10:31 AM on January 19, 2012


If your food needs to be folded before you eat it, there is a strong possibility that you have actually purchased a rather poor napkin.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:32 AM on January 19, 2012 [13 favorites]


I hate to say it, but it's only a matter of time before this meme just dissolves into "Shit."
posted by crunchland at 10:34 AM on January 19, 2012


we're all the same person Griphus this is just some strange three faces of eve thing
posted by The Whelk at 10:35 AM on January 19, 2012


Hmm. Shit Shit Says, a string of shots of people sitting pants-down on toilets, making straining faces, with a variety of dubbed in ass-transit noises. Throw in a few shots of e.g. someone being scared and crapping their pants, someone squatting out in the woods, Newt Gingrich giving a speech, etc.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:37 AM on January 19, 2012 [11 favorites]


South 4th and what, Decani?
posted by griphus at 6:31 PM on January 19


Hewes. I still go there whenever I can. My second home. :-)
posted by Decani at 10:40 AM on January 19, 2012


Shit Shit Shits.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:40 AM on January 19, 2012


....:Shit Turtles Say: Shit Turtles Say: Shit Turtles Say:....
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:42 AM on January 19, 2012


a) Are you fucking kidding me, Decani?

b) Looks like you're right, Whelk.
posted by griphus at 10:43 AM on January 19, 2012


rock on in the south bills ghetto. i used to live on south 2nd and havemeyer.

...i assume it's all white people now though.
posted by elizardbits at 10:44 AM on January 19, 2012


The only shit that's getting my vote.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:44 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


this is exactly how people find out they're Cylons.
posted by The Whelk at 10:44 AM on January 19, 2012 [12 favorites]


I had a unicorn dream. Does that count?
posted by shakespeherian at 10:46 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I lived there in '05 or '06, and it was straight-up Dominican. I was all punked out back then and used to get yelled at by little kids. Also a teenage boy slapped me on the ass once. He definitely wasn't hitting on me, so I'm not sure if he was the world's most incompetent pickpocket or had some sort of bet going with his friends.
posted by griphus at 10:48 AM on January 19, 2012


Not from NY, never been there, but loved it for simple reason that it ended by the pudgy guy with glasses looking at the skyline and saying saying "so beautiful."
posted by KokuRyu at 10:49 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


"You have to go to Brooklyn, it's the law!"

For the record, even having a visibly obvious foot cast will not prevent some cabbies from giving you shit about going to Brooklyn. (As I have recently learned through direct evidence.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:50 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


the best part was that all the drivers for New Day car service lived in my building, so there was never any fucking around with asshole cab drivers being all reluctant to go half a mile over the goddamn bridge.
posted by elizardbits at 10:51 AM on January 19, 2012


a) Are you fucking kidding me, Decani?

posted by griphus at 6:43 PM on January 19


Not kidding at all. The missus still lives there. We should have a drink next time I'm over. :-)
posted by Decani at 10:52 AM on January 19, 2012


"I am quite fond of the Bronx."

I thought of you immediately when they omitted the Bronx! =D

(say what you want about NYC mefites, but we're a great, tightly-knit community!)
posted by Eideteker at 10:53 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I lived there in '05 or '06, and it was straight-up Dominican.
posted by griphus at 6:48 PM on January 19


I was living there then too. It still is mostly Dominican with a sprinkling of Hasids and hipsters. Until you get down below Broadway, of course, then it's Hasid Central, as you doubtless recall. Me and idest were oldster oddities in the neighbourhood. Which was nice.
posted by Decani at 10:56 AM on January 19, 2012


Notice: I may be moving to new york in the next few months. This video may or may not be scary, but I am glad there are lots of mefites up yonder to force to be my friends.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:00 AM on January 19, 2012


By "force" I mean "cajole."
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:00 AM on January 19, 2012


(say what you want about NYC mefites, but we're a great, tightly-knit community!)

'Tis true, and I realize I haven't seen most of you in a while! Thinking I should revive the Favorites Party.
posted by functionequalsform at 11:00 AM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


which means "bribe"
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:00 AM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Actually, there was a recent NYT article about the whole cabs-changing-shifts phenomenon that explained it quite well.

The TLC had established that 5 pm was the time cabbies changed shifts, because the day shift guys had to get the cabs back to the garage so the night shift guys could have them. They also set a $30 fine for people who were late. The shifts are 12 hours, from 5 to 5 (any earlier and it would have made the day shift guys get up too early, any later and the night shift guys would have run into a problem losing both rush hours).

However -- at the time the TLC made these rules, most taxi garages were all on the West Side of Manhattan, so it actaully wasn't a big deal for a cabbie to zip you out to Brooklyn at 4 pm and still make it back to the garage in time for 5. But then all the garages got priced out of Manhattan, and had to relocate to the ass-end of Queens - so now a guy picking you up at 4 would have to take you where you want and then try to get onto the BQE and cope with that traffic to make it to the garage, and it's a lot harder to do that. So cabbies really are getting kind of screwed.

The city and TLC have been reluctant to re-address the time of the shift change because they didn't have any evidence that the number of cabs in service during evening rush hour was being affected -- until now; that article was reporting that a study found that there is a 20% dip in cabs between 4 and 6 or something like that. So now hopefully the TLC will realize "whoa. Okay, yeah, we need to do something."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:03 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh yeah thanks for the kudos everyone, but I just want to clarify that I am the tall lankamoid dude that Eliot Glazer is talking to in the video. Eliot is the guy behind "My Parents Were Awesome" and "It Gets Better-ish" and a million other fun web projects, and he has a bitchin' Bea Arthur tattoo, and once he did an event where he provided hilarious commentary for Oprah's Legends Ball in front of a live audience.

Anyhow, I'm glad that people seem to like the video, even if all I did was stand around and eat pizza.

PS: Still looking for that Twin Peaks book, jon. You guys were sold out.
posted by hermitosis at 11:11 AM on January 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


Can we all agree that Staten Island sucks?
posted by Decani at 11:14 AM on January 19, 2012


Isn't that technically part of New Jersey?
posted by hermitosis at 11:15 AM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


HDU
posted by spec80 at 11:16 AM on January 19, 2012


HDU in regards to Staten Island being part of NJ. Staten Island sucks.
posted by spec80 at 11:17 AM on January 19, 2012


posted by hermitosis at 2:11 PM on January 19 [has kudos] [!]
posted by griphus at 11:17 AM on January 19, 2012


"Downton Abbey" fans, be ye advised: there's also now a Shit the Dowager Countess says.
posted by argonauta at 11:18 AM on January 19, 2012 [5 favorites]


Sorry bout the book, dude. Know anyone in the market for a cup of piss?
posted by jonmc at 11:21 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


without staten island we would have no wu-tang clan. but without the dirty jerz there would be no pork roll. hm.
posted by elizardbits at 11:28 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


You steal my idea, I steal your big donut.

*That's* the *MetaFilter* way!

(Better if you imagine it in a terrible Irish accent)
posted by Gorgik at 11:30 AM on January 19, 2012


Stopit stopit stopit! All you New Yorkers stop making me miss my city! I like it here in the frozen North, goddamnit! We have two feet of snow today and people are skiing to work! What do you have? Bagels? Pizza? Subway trains? Brooklyn? Goddamnit, you have everything, don't you?


But next time I'm in the city... I will have to attend a meetup. So it is written.
posted by Polyhymnia at 11:30 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is there a version called "Shit San Franciscans Say" yet?
posted by crunchland at 11:30 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Shit San Franciscans Say is just three minutes of people laughing at tourists driving down Lombard.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:39 AM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Something something avocados
posted by The Whelk at 11:44 AM on January 19, 2012


Question: When hermitosis Eliot Glazer says that he loves pizza, but he's holding a like folded cardboard triangle with grease on it, is that some sort of NY-centric joke? .... If your food needs to be folded before you eat it, there is a strong possibility that you have actually purchased a rather poor napkin.

Jon Stewart schools Donald Trump on New York pizza and the proper way to eat it.
posted by ericb at 11:45 AM on January 19, 2012


jonmc I will put you on salary to end all of your comments with the words "Know anyone in the market for a cup of piss?"
posted by griphus at 11:46 AM on January 19, 2012


How much?
posted by jonmc at 11:48 AM on January 19, 2012


25 favorites a month and one bottom-shelf bourbon, neat, at any meetup we're both at.
posted by griphus at 11:52 AM on January 19, 2012


BREAKING: hermitosis says jonmc sold out.
posted by SpiffyRob at 11:53 AM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Shit Shit Says

We could also do "Shit Hugh Grant Says" that would consist entirely of the first five minutes of Four Weddings And A Funeral.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:53 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Know anyone in the market for a cup of piss?

Is it real New York piss, or that bland knockoff swill they sell to the tourists downtown?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:58 AM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


This are all true:

"San Francisco bagels aren't THAT bad."
"There is a LOT of perfectly ok theater in San Francisco."
"This place is HUGE!"
"This pizza is great. The chef used to work in N.Y.!"
"Hella hella."
"They have a Blue Bottle in Brooklyn, now I go to Sightglass and Four Barrels"
"Look at all the white tourists in the Mission! Disgusting, they are ruining the place. The should go back to the avenues where they belong."
"This place sucks! It took me like 15 minutes to get a cab!"
"L.A. sucks! I went there once in 1987 to visit Disneyland"
"Fuck Wall Street. Silicon Valley creates REAL value."
"This place has great reviews in Yelp. It will open in 6 weeks"
"Shhhhh! Don't say anything. That guy is from Valleywag."
"It is impossible to find a good burrito in N.Y."
"Oakland is SCARY. People get shot all the time."
"The Tenderloin is dangerous, don't walk there or you'll get stabbed."
"Never go to Hunter's Point, you'll get shot"
"Never wear red or blue in the Mission, you'll get shot."
"In the Western Addition stick to Fillmore Street, or you'll get shot."
"People shitting in my doorway every week is not too high a price for living in The Mission."
posted by Ayn Rand and God at 11:59 AM on January 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


I swear there a secret underground route connecting the mission and Brooklyn
posted by The Whelk at 12:02 PM on January 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


There is, it's called "Liberal Arts College".
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:03 PM on January 19, 2012 [16 favorites]

I didn't click but I assume it is a list of bullshit like "you can't get a good ________ outside of New York."
No, that's from Shit People Who Used to Live in New York (Or Want You to Think They Used to Live in NY, or Who Visited There that One Time) Say.

Next up: "Why yes, I did get this in Paris" from Shit Old Dorks Wearing Berets Say.
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:11 PM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


It's genuine Big Apple wee-wee, man. From a wino, even.
posted by jonmc at 12:14 PM on January 19, 2012


How much?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:15 PM on January 19, 2012


I want to make a Shit Upstate New Yorkers Say, but it's all standard rural crap about how much your snowmobile cost with a sprinkling of "Poughkeepsie is actually downstate."
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:17 PM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


Or maybe what I want is a Shit New Yorkers Say to Other New Yorkers which starts, "Oh my god, I've been to Yonkers!"
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:18 PM on January 19, 2012


Was it a Divine Wino?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:19 PM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


maybe this is how we discover some NYC mefites have mutant powers and metafilter was just a cover to get us in one place.
posted by The Whelk at 12:23 PM on January 19, 2012


I'm pretty sure you're allowed to read the Post for sports scores. But other than that...

so guilty of some of these even though I'm from CT
posted by cobaltnine at 12:24 PM on January 19, 2012


This was funny and I laughed and nostalgia like a splinter. "You gotta take me to Brooklyn, it's the law!" (I remember when we all got cell phones and that was the thing, you'd whip our your phone (approximately the size of three iphones taped on top of one another) I'm calling the fucking TLC - and the guy would scowl and then bring you there - you'd have to tell him how to get back to the bridge...
But, what was the whole 9/11 "I was here" bit? Wasn't everyone there?

And what about "He said he'd slash my throat if I didn't give him my wallet. I know, what was he trying to prove? I was like, I get it, you're mugging me he's my cash now you gotta excuse me I'm late."
And, "This pot is shit, where did you get it?" "13th and first." "Oh man - what the fuck?"
And, "Is Nel really Nel from Rocky Horror?" (Rolls eyes)
And, "We could go to Limelight." (Leaves)

I'm old. (said in Abraham Simpson's voice)
posted by From Bklyn at 12:25 PM on January 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


I can't watch right now but I am super excited. There's not enough media* about NYC out there.

Speaking of NY mefites, functionequalsform, you should definitely have that meetup. The weekly meetup this Wed. is at an ice cream shop. There is a Dim Sum meetup on the 4th, and Meet the Lady on February 11!

*with hermitosis in it
posted by the young rope-rider at 12:26 PM on January 19, 2012


(fans self, swoons)

[BECAUSE OF TOM ALL THE LAUGHS]
posted by Houyhnhnm at 12:28 PM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


But, what was the whole 9/11 "I was here" bit? Wasn't everyone there?

No? Lots of people come and go; I've lived here for 8 years (longer than this military brat has lived anywhere by a handful of years), so I wasn't here in 2001.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:45 PM on January 19, 2012


How odd and snall the world can seem. Matt Cherette (the author of the buzzfeed thing) is my cousin.
posted by Chrischris at 12:46 PM on January 19, 2012


I'm waiting for the day when an ex appears on Meetup, statistically speaking it's bound to happen eventually cause apparently we all know each other.
posted by The Whelk at 12:50 PM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


That was delightful.
posted by rtha at 12:57 PM on January 19, 2012


Pat Kiernan!
posted by dayintoday at 1:17 PM on January 19, 2012 [7 favorites]


(spoiler: I'm The Whelk's ex)
posted by shakespeherian at 1:20 PM on January 19, 2012


Question: When hermitosis says that he loves pizza, but he's holding a like folded cardboard triangle with grease on it, is that some sort of NY-centric joke?


Ahhhhhahahahahaha.
posted by adamdschneider at 1:39 PM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm going to stick with a comment from long ago: I accidentally walked to Yonkers once.
posted by sciencegeek at 2:09 PM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


But, what was the whole 9/11 "I was here" bit? Wasn't everyone there?

No? Lots of people come and go;

Sure, of course, naturally... I mean, I went and I know a couple other people who went too, sure but in my head everyone else stayed, right? And it's still 1999? And I have hair and can drink all night and still show up at work and at least fake it until lunch? And I don't have to look up what's going on I just know and ... Oh Christ, just wheel me over into the sun and settle my blanket would you - what are they serving for lunch today it's not the beef is it? We had beef yesterday, or it might have been fish, it wasn't any good - come closer, let me tell you how it was back in the day. Dd I tell you? I was alive before cell phones, it's true! I swear!
posted by From Bklyn at 2:14 PM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I liked how the "THIS PLACE IS HUGE" apartments were all tiny.
posted by schmod at 3:12 PM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is that a House shirt? Where did you even get that?
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 3:16 PM on January 19, 2012


and he has a bitchin' Bea Arthur tattoo

PIX OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 3:58 PM on January 19, 2012


"You have to go to Brooklyn, it's the law!"

I'm not even a New Yorker, but I find myself saying that every time I'm there.

Seriously, this was one of the better "Sh*t xxx say" I've seen. Made me miss NYC.
posted by lunasol at 4:13 PM on January 19, 2012


I'd shit it.
posted by flabdablet at 4:35 PM on January 19, 2012


I interpreted the "do you smell maple syrup?" as maple syrup being a euphemism for human urine. Is that not the intent of it?
posted by bukvich at 4:52 PM on January 19, 2012




What would have been an even better headline had the source been discovered before that one was written: Good Smell Wafting Over From *New Jersey?!* Perplexes New Yorkers
posted by stagewhisper at 5:01 PM on January 19, 2012


I'm waiting for the Shit People Say While They Are Shitting video.
posted by lampshade at 5:13 PM on January 19, 2012


But, what was the whole 9/11 "I was here" bit? Wasn't everyone there?

To link two of the motifs of this thread, I was on the corner of Metropolitan and Union, watching them burn. Then I got on the subway and looked up the date on my pocket organizer, thinking, "I'm going to want to remember what date this was, later." To be fair, they were still standing then. I was in the city for New Year's and there's a new building going that's right on the horizon if you're looking down Metro. It's not quite in the right spot but it still stopped me in the crosswalk, seeking something jut in to the empty space on the horizon.
posted by Diablevert at 5:22 PM on January 19, 2012


That was awesome and I'm from the friggin' suburbs.
posted by danb at 5:57 PM on January 19, 2012


Overheard on Wall St. today:

Guy 1: "Where are all the tourists?"
Guy 2: "You look like a tourist."
posted by swift at 6:29 PM on January 19, 2012


WHERE ARE ALL THE FUCKING F-BOMBS?????
posted by vrakatar at 6:55 PM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Shit New Yorkers Say:

"New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York."
posted by tumid dahlia at 7:10 PM on January 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Queeeeeens?

It's nice having a backyard. :)
posted by zarq at 7:18 PM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


From Bklyn,

Limelight!
posted by zarq at 7:20 PM on January 19, 2012


I am the tall lankamoid dude

The CUTE tall lankamoid dude. Just to clarify.
posted by crossoverman at 7:41 PM on January 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


Where can I click to favorite Eliot Glazer?
posted by yellowcandy at 7:47 PM on January 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


zarq: "Limelight!"

My aunt used to perform at the Limelight (and a bunch of other downtown clubs) in the 80s and when I told her it's become a ritzy boutique mall she truly did a doubletake.
posted by ocherdraco at 7:50 PM on January 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I swear there a secret underground route connecting the mission and Brooklyn

You mean the Alameda-Weekawken burrito tunnel?
posted by eddydamascene at 9:23 PM on January 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


I grew up in a pretty Jewish suburb outside of Boston, and now every time I see someone in their 20s from New York accomplishing something, I have the eerie (and possibly correct) feeling that I went to middle school or temple with them.
posted by threeants at 9:55 PM on January 19, 2012


and I don't feel a little avarice AT ALL, OK.
posted by threeants at 9:56 PM on January 19, 2012


we'll meet up later at Kiev
posted by From Bklyn at 11:20 PM on January 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


every time I see someone in their 20s from New York accomplishing something...

...It usually turns out that they're actually in their 30s.
posted by hermitosis at 11:27 PM on January 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


and I don't feel a little avarice AT ALL

I think you mean envy...but THEN AGAIN YOU PWe deleted the rest of this comment for the good of the universe, sorry! --taz
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:12 AM on January 20, 2012


We deleted the rest of this comment for the good of the universe, sorry! --taz ...

Shenanigans!
posted by From Bklyn at 2:38 AM on January 20, 2012


MetaFilter: How odd and snall
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:44 AM on January 20, 2012


Schnell?
posted by zarq at 5:09 AM on January 20, 2012


Ja.
posted by The Whelk at 7:17 AM on January 20, 2012


Excellent! Also, about 80% of it is Stuff Londoners Say.
posted by Magnakai at 8:52 AM on January 20, 2012


Wow, cleared about a million views in 24 hours. That's just crazy.
posted by hermitosis at 8:59 AM on January 20, 2012


Not surprising, pretty much every one of my NYC Facebook friends posted it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:38 AM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I saw it posted here, on buzzfeed, and on google+ 'what's hot.'
posted by crunchland at 9:42 AM on January 20, 2012


It was funny and for some of the phrases, embarrassingly accurate (I really don't like to leave Brooklyn on the weekend!)

The 9/11 one was a bit weird, because as a native New Yorker I was here, but I never talk about it casually to people.
posted by Julnyes at 11:16 AM on January 20, 2012


crossoverman: "The CUTE tall lankamoid dude. Just to clarify."

I scrolled through the whole thread waiting for somebody to say this. hermitosis is cute. I was previously unaware. Shit mefites say.
posted by This Guy at 11:36 AM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


On the internet, no one knows you're a dog hunk.
posted by griphus at 11:37 AM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Shit Moderators Say:

"I love being a moderator"
"I hate being a moderator"
"pants. haha just kidding"
posted by babbyʼ); Drop table users; -- at 11:40 AM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


One million views, all based on the power of Background Hermitosis!
posted by The Whelk at 11:46 AM on January 20, 2012


(with MeFi's own hermitosis appearing throughout).

throughout? Really? He appears for like a second and a half.
posted by babbyʼ); Drop table users; -- at 11:49 AM on January 20, 2012




Way more than "a second and a half", actually.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:53 AM on January 20, 2012


Hmm. I thought he was only in the bedroom scene.
posted by babbyʼ); Drop table users; -- at 11:57 AM on January 20, 2012


ah never mind. I see him now. throughout!
posted by babbyʼ); Drop table users; -- at 11:59 AM on January 20, 2012


He's actually in several of the scenes as the silent "person to whom the sh*t New Yorkers sayis being said."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:59 AM on January 20, 2012


through·out   [throo-out]
preposition

1. In or to every part of; everywhere in: They searched throughout the house.
2. From the beginning to the end of: He was bored throughout the play.
posted by ericb at 12:02 PM on January 20, 2012


And now I'm suddenly wondering: if people say shit, and there's no one there to hear it, is it still shit?

(Your role is pivotal, hermitosis. PIVOTAL!)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:06 PM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Shit Moderators Say:

"Pour me another drink, wouldja?"
posted by rtha at 12:07 PM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dunno if it helps one side or the other, but my hands are the ones handing Eliot the dreaded Magnolia bag...
posted by hermitosis at 12:21 PM on January 20, 2012


Shit Zen Buddhists Contemplate
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:29 PM on January 20, 2012


Shit Zen Buddhists Contemplate


Your mom?
posted by babbyʼ); Drop table users; -- at 12:40 PM on January 20, 2012


> I swear there a secret underground route connecting the mission and Brooklyn

The Alameda-Weehawken Burrito Tunnel "Who can imagine New York City without the Mission burrito?" previously and already, but ya spelt Weehawken wrong.
posted by morganw at 12:42 PM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


So is there a version of "Shit X Say" that don't make the group depicted out to be anything but insufferable twits?
posted by crunchland at 2:04 PM on January 20, 2012


Shit medical Students Say is pretty "ugh we're all suffering together" and cute.
posted by The Whelk at 2:11 PM on January 20, 2012


i'm not leaving brooklyn this weekend!
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 3:16 PM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I love Seattle but think other cities are cool, too. I hear Minneapolis is cool these days.

I have never met a New Yorker or a San Francisco person that would say something similar.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:25 PM on January 20, 2012


but ya spelt Weehawken wrong

Weekawken balls, ba-da-boom! aaaaOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(Freudian slip)
posted by eddydamascene at 8:40 PM on January 20, 2012


So is there a version of "Shit X Say" that don't make the group depicted out to be anything but insufferable twits?

Eh. Almost by definition they're going to be chock full of inside jokes. It's going to be offputting no matter what you do.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:28 PM on January 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


In that case, I happily await the "Shit Cyclists Say," or better yet, "Shit Road Bike Racers Say."
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 9:54 PM on January 20, 2012


computech_aj:
challenge accepted. I will start polling the road cyclists. There will be bitter phrases about: Lance Armstrong, lack of Liggett commentary, carbon fiber/aluminum, fixies, lugging, triathletes, bike lanes, "tourists", recumbents, and exactly how much their bike weighs.

Also: I live in NYC. I do not think that it is the only city in the world. (is it because I live in the Bronx or because I'm not from here?)
posted by sciencegeek at 2:26 AM on January 21, 2012


WHERE ARE ALL THE FUCKING F-BOMBS?????

I knew this video wasn't going to be truely accurate when it started off with "Where's the train" instead of "Where's the GODDAMN FUCKING train?"
posted by fuq at 8:18 AM on January 21, 2012


I love Seattle but think other cities are cool, too. I hear Minneapolis is cool these days.

I have never met a New Yorker or a San Francisco person that would say something similar.

Minneapolis is more than cool. It's fucking freezing up there.

Seriously though, people who live in a city...like living in that city. Alert the press.
posted by the young rope-rider at 10:16 AM on January 21, 2012


Cool Papa Bell: "I love Seattle but think other cities are cool, too. I hear Minneapolis is cool these days.

I have never met a New Yorker or a San Francisco person that would say something similar.
"

Hi, nice to meet you!

There, now you have.

Seriously, though, my boyfriend and I are constantly talking about all the cities we love and/or want to get to know better so we can love them, too. Burlington, VT, Austin, TX, Des Moines, IA, Nashville, TN, Minneapolis, MN, Portland, OR (or anywhere in the Willamette Valley so long as I get to say "It's Willamette, dammit!" as much as possible)... we may live in Brooklyn, but our amor urbes is pretty fucking promiscuous.
posted by ocherdraco at 2:57 PM on January 21, 2012


I liked how the "THIS PLACE IS HUGE" apartments were all tiny.
posted by schmod at 11:12 PM on January 19


Congratulations! You got the joke!
posted by Decani at 4:06 PM on January 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


I have never met a New Yorker or a San Francisco person that would say something similar. --- That's because there's no place better than San Francisco, and the people from New York know that no place else would be willing to take them in.
posted by crunchland at 6:37 PM on January 21, 2012


kitchen market used to have good burritos but it closed after a curbing or something
posted by nathancaswell at 6:26 AM on January 22, 2012


Late to the ogling-hermitosis party, but... yeah. Damn.
posted by Pallas Athena at 11:59 AM on January 22, 2012


Brokelandia
posted by crunchland at 2:45 PM on January 23, 2012


This is about right: congrats hermitosis!

Question: is that "An American in Paris" playing at the end? Confusing.

Also, not nearly enough discussion of real estate, the NYPD, sex, or how fucking hot it gets and what it smells like when it does.
posted by anotherpanacea at 5:27 AM on January 28, 2012


No, it's Rhapsody in Blue, and it's been used countless times as the theme song for New York.
posted by crunchland at 7:24 AM on January 28, 2012


Did Woody Allen create that with the beginning to Manhattan or is he referencing the trope?
posted by shakespeherian at 8:18 AM on January 28, 2012


Allen cemented the trope, Gershwin has always been associated with NYC.

Shit Native New Yorkers Say
posted by The Whelk at 8:22 AM on January 28, 2012


According to this database, there are currently 676 variations on the "shit X says" meme.
posted by crunchland at 3:46 PM on February 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


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