Show them this Meta April 25, 2012 5:41 AM Subscribe
"Show them this thread." Has anyone ever actually done this?
It seems to come up a lot in Ask questions where the poster is having some sort of problem communicating with someone- in fact it seems to come up almost every time. And I am genuinely wondering if anyone has ever actually taken that advice. Sometimes it seems like a good idea ('my world is spinning out of control and I don't know how to tell my husband') and sometimes... less so ('sweetie I asked a bunch of faceless strangers what to say to you about your erectile dysfunction, have a read!'). So yeah, has anyone done this? And more importantly, did it actually work?
It seems to come up a lot in Ask questions where the poster is having some sort of problem communicating with someone- in fact it seems to come up almost every time. And I am genuinely wondering if anyone has ever actually taken that advice. Sometimes it seems like a good idea ('my world is spinning out of control and I don't know how to tell my husband') and sometimes... less so ('sweetie I asked a bunch of faceless strangers what to say to you about your erectile dysfunction, have a read!'). So yeah, has anyone done this? And more importantly, did it actually work?
My favorite example of this was the thread where the guy was trying to figure out how to keep people from eating his food out of the communal dorm kitchen fridge. Got a lot of decent advice and then wound up printing the thread out and then sticking it on the fridge door. Saw the photo on Flickr, having a terrible time tracking it down now.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:23 AM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:23 AM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
If I didn't have anything better to do today I'd write a quick greasemonkey plugin to replace the phrase "Show them this thread" with "Tell them exactly what you told us," which is the same advice minus the stupid.
On preview, using a MeFi thread as a passive-aggressive note elevates the stupid into sheer genius.
posted by ook at 6:26 AM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
On preview, using a MeFi thread as a passive-aggressive note elevates the stupid into sheer genius.
posted by ook at 6:26 AM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
Here's what jessamyn is talking about.
posted by King Bee at 6:28 AM on April 25, 2012 [21 favorites]
posted by King Bee at 6:28 AM on April 25, 2012 [21 favorites]
It seems to me that if you're having trouble communicating something effectively (which can range from "you people need to stop stealing my food" to "we need a divorce") then making the person you are having trouble talking to read an AskMe thread in which a bunch of strangers comment on the situation (and almost always take the side of the asker, naturally, as they are usually the most sympathetic party in any human relations question even when they're trying to be unbiased) is a pretty passive-agressive thing to do.
Putting the thread on the dorm fridge is basically the same as leaving a passive-agressive "stop stealing my food" note on the door, albeit funnier. Showing a thread to one's partner in a difficult relationship situation amounts to saying "a bunch of people on the internet think you're wrong and I want you to read all about it". I've never read show-them-this-thread advice that I thought was actually a good idea.
posted by Scientist at 6:30 AM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
Putting the thread on the dorm fridge is basically the same as leaving a passive-agressive "stop stealing my food" note on the door, albeit funnier. Showing a thread to one's partner in a difficult relationship situation amounts to saying "a bunch of people on the internet think you're wrong and I want you to read all about it". I've never read show-them-this-thread advice that I thought was actually a good idea.
posted by Scientist at 6:30 AM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
Ah which leads to this AskMe thread and this eerily familiar MeTa thread.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:30 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:30 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
I want to know if anyone who is blithely told "you have permission to [whatever]" ever actually uses that person as an authority.
"Look, I didn't know if I could break up with you, but xBongzilla69x gave permission so, well, sorry."
posted by griphus at 6:44 AM on April 25, 2012 [23 favorites]
"Look, I didn't know if I could break up with you, but xBongzilla69x gave permission so, well, sorry."
posted by griphus at 6:44 AM on April 25, 2012 [23 favorites]
They even printed it on green paper!
posted by rtha at 6:47 AM on April 25, 2012 [27 favorites]
posted by rtha at 6:47 AM on April 25, 2012 [27 favorites]
My favorite example (and my memory may butcher a detail or five) was a woman who felt she was being bullied on a public-transit bus by two other women. She posted an AskMe for advice on how to deal with the situation, and somebody suggested printing out the thread and handing it to the other women.
It does not ever seem like good advice. The closest actual good advice to this is probably something like, "Your problem is phrased very well in [post/reply/follow-up]. Tell the other person exactly that."
posted by cribcage at 6:55 AM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
It does not ever seem like good advice. The closest actual good advice to this is probably something like, "Your problem is phrased very well in [post/reply/follow-up]. Tell the other person exactly that."
posted by cribcage at 6:55 AM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
My favorite example (and my memory may butcher a detail or five) was a woman who felt she was being bullied on a public-transit bus by two other women. She posted an AskMe for advice on how to deal with the situation, and somebody suggested printing out the thread and handing it to the other women.
As it turns out, it was the poster who thought this might be a good way of dealing with it. Everyone else objected vehemently.
posted by grouse at 7:03 AM on April 25, 2012
As it turns out, it was the poster who thought this might be a good way of dealing with it. Everyone else objected vehemently.
posted by grouse at 7:03 AM on April 25, 2012
I show people thread all the time. Women dig a guy who can sew.
posted by Eideteker at 7:11 AM on April 25, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by Eideteker at 7:11 AM on April 25, 2012 [8 favorites]
I think "print this out and take it to your therapist" is an excellent idea in many cases if the person is having trouble articulating their problem verbally.
posted by desjardins at 7:12 AM on April 25, 2012 [24 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 7:12 AM on April 25, 2012 [24 favorites]
More broadly, I think 'show them this thread' is probably decent advice for a wide range of people and situations where the common factor is that the person is having trouble saying something.
posted by box at 7:16 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by box at 7:16 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I think the only time "print this out and hand it to [them]" is effective and kind advice is when [them] = health professional.
posted by batmonkey at 7:29 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by batmonkey at 7:29 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
"Look, I didn't know if I could break up with you, but xBongzilla69x gave permission so, well, sorry."
Hey, I just try to give advice in the most gentle, constructive way I can. It's kind of what I'm know for, 'round these parts. It's all about the three "pathy"s -- Empathy, Sympathy, and Lovepathy. God bless.
-xBZ
posted by xBongzilla69x at 7:42 AM on April 25, 2012 [81 favorites]
Hey, I just try to give advice in the most gentle, constructive way I can. It's kind of what I'm know for, 'round these parts. It's all about the three "pathy"s -- Empathy, Sympathy, and Lovepathy. God bless.
-xBZ
posted by xBongzilla69x at 7:42 AM on April 25, 2012 [81 favorites]
As a semantic nitpick, eating another person's food or failing to clean up after oneself are exactly the sorts of behaviors "passive aggressive" was coined to describe - things that undermine and disrespect without explicit confrontation. Leaving a note can be a sign of poor communication because it is indirect, but it is not passive-aggressive in the original sense if it makes the conflict explicit.
posted by idiopath at 7:43 AM on April 25, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by idiopath at 7:43 AM on April 25, 2012 [9 favorites]
Damnit! I was literally getting out my credit card to create the xBongzilla69x sockpuppet!
posted by Rock Steady at 7:43 AM on April 25, 2012
posted by Rock Steady at 7:43 AM on April 25, 2012
Putting the thread on the dorm fridge
What I love is that its not just on the fridge, but literally covering most of the surface area. Its like he's wallpapered the fridge with banal internet comments. I fucking love it.
A sublime act of art, that is.
posted by Chekhovian at 7:47 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
What I love is that its not just on the fridge, but literally covering most of the surface area. Its like he's wallpapered the fridge with banal internet comments. I fucking love it.
A sublime act of art, that is.
posted by Chekhovian at 7:47 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
idiopath:
"the sorts of behaviors "passive aggressive" was coined to describe - things that undermine and disrespect without explicit confrontation"
Kinda-sorta.
posted by batmonkey at 7:54 AM on April 25, 2012
"the sorts of behaviors "passive aggressive" was coined to describe - things that undermine and disrespect without explicit confrontation"
Kinda-sorta.
posted by batmonkey at 7:54 AM on April 25, 2012
Tim Hortons should totally make a hot pepper jelly doughnut; they'd be awesome.
posted by Mitheral at 7:57 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Mitheral at 7:57 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
I just showed this thread to the number 7, and they were offended.
posted by modernserf at 8:06 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by modernserf at 8:06 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
Yeah, there aren't a lot of great ways to directly deal with the fridge thing, leaving notes is really the only form of communication there. The best thing to do is to move out, the second best is to lock up your food. If those are impossible, leaving a note is pretty much what you're left with and that AskMe thread was surely attention-getting. It's still not a great way of dealing with the problem, but it may have been the best available option from a suite of mediocre choices.
posted by Scientist at 8:07 AM on April 25, 2012
posted by Scientist at 8:07 AM on April 25, 2012
Leaving a note can be a sign of poor communication because it is indirect, but it is not passive-aggressive in the original sense if it makes the conflict explicit.
Yes, a passive-aggressive note would be one that said: "That's fine, you can eat my food without asking, and I don't mind cleaning up after everyone else. I'm sure you're too busy to worry about it, and I have nothing better to do..."
A note that says: "Clean up after yourself and stop eating my food! -- John" may be aggressive, but it isn't passive-aggressive.
posted by John Cohen at 8:14 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
Yes, a passive-aggressive note would be one that said: "That's fine, you can eat my food without asking, and I don't mind cleaning up after everyone else. I'm sure you're too busy to worry about it, and I have nothing better to do..."
A note that says: "Clean up after yourself and stop eating my food! -- John" may be aggressive, but it isn't passive-aggressive.
posted by John Cohen at 8:14 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
I was working at a call centre and some jerk(s) kept stealing my food. At one point during the home stretch of a double shift I started fantasizing about putting a mouse trap in a pizza pocket box.
posted by ODiV at 8:17 AM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by ODiV at 8:17 AM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
A strongly worded note may not be technically passive aggressive, but it does place an intentional barrier between the people communicating and certainly is not own-your-words-and the consequences aggressive. Perhaps avoidance aggressive.
Or, you know, we can just adapt the existing language/terminology to suit the situation and say it is a form of passive aggressiveness.
posted by edgeways at 8:29 AM on April 25, 2012
Or, you know, we can just adapt the existing language/terminology to suit the situation and say it is a form of passive aggressiveness.
posted by edgeways at 8:29 AM on April 25, 2012
posted by xBongzilla69x
We really need a policy waiving the $5 signup fee when you sign up for an account that's already been used as a jokey example username. The results are always worth it.
posted by RogerB at 8:32 AM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
We really need a policy waiving the $5 signup fee when you sign up for an account that's already been used as a jokey example username. The results are always worth it.
posted by RogerB at 8:32 AM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
John Cohen: "Yes, a passive-aggressive note would be one that said: "That's fine, you can eat my food without asking, and I don't mind cleaning up after everyone else. I'm sure you're too busy to worry about it, and I have nothing better to do...""
No, that's a sarcastic note. A passive-aggressive note would say "hey, hope you guys like the food I've been bringing for us all to share" and would be followed up by not putting food in the fridge ever again. Or from the other side, it would say "I won't eat your food any more, sorry", and the person would continue to eat your food. True passive-aggression almost always involves lying to avoid conflict.
posted by idiopath at 8:54 AM on April 25, 2012
No, that's a sarcastic note. A passive-aggressive note would say "hey, hope you guys like the food I've been bringing for us all to share" and would be followed up by not putting food in the fridge ever again. Or from the other side, it would say "I won't eat your food any more, sorry", and the person would continue to eat your food. True passive-aggression almost always involves lying to avoid conflict.
posted by idiopath at 8:54 AM on April 25, 2012
We really need a policy waiving the $5 signup fee when you sign up for an account that's already been used as a jokey example username.
I think many of these are cortex abusing his admin privileges to get it for free anyway.
posted by grouse at 8:56 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
I think many of these are cortex abusing his admin privileges to get it for free anyway.
posted by grouse at 8:56 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
It's actually a perq of the job! And that one isn't him anyhow.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:11 AM on April 25, 2012
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:11 AM on April 25, 2012
I have used "show this thread" by proxy -- where someone's asked a question that's relevant to me or describes a situation I'm in (usually a brain situation) I'll say to my wife, "read this -- that's where I'm at" and it's been helpful.
posted by mendel at 9:17 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by mendel at 9:17 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
jessamyn: It's actually a perq of the job!
Hah, you spelled "perk" oddly! Wait, what is that Urban Dictionary, perq is a real term? Who believes Urban Dictionary? Oh, I should.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:26 AM on April 25, 2012 [4 favorites]
Hah, you spelled "perk" oddly! Wait, what is that Urban Dictionary, perq is a real term? Who believes Urban Dictionary? Oh, I should.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:26 AM on April 25, 2012 [4 favorites]
I've never asked a "Human Relations" question on AskMe, anonymously or otherwise, but I'm trying to imagine a hypothetical scenario where I shared a relationship problem my wife and I were going through on AskMe, and then said to her, "So, I shared our incredibly personal, intimate issue with thousands of people on the Internet and look, they all think I'm right too!", and I can't see it going over well. I've always thought the "Just show him/her this thread" suggestion was particularly awful advice.
posted by The Gooch at 9:31 AM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by The Gooch at 9:31 AM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
The couple of times it's made a lot of sense to me was in the "show this question to your doctor/therapist if you get nervous when you're there" format - sometimes it really is easier to type stuff up than to try to organize your thoughts on the fly when your blood pressure is already through the roof. I can't recall any instance where showing somebody the thread made a whole lot of sense, though.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:38 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:38 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
"Dear Abby" and "Ann Landers" (US advice columnists) used to print letters that were supposedly from people who said "I showed {person I was having issue with} your column with my letter in it and we hugged and unicorns cried cupcake tears" but I never believed those.
As everyone has said, I think the "How can I tell my doctor I want to pursue more aggressive treatment for my arthritis because I just panic every time I meet with him?" threads are probably the only ones for which this would ever work in real life.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:56 AM on April 25, 2012
As everyone has said, I think the "How can I tell my doctor I want to pursue more aggressive treatment for my arthritis because I just panic every time I meet with him?" threads are probably the only ones for which this would ever work in real life.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:56 AM on April 25, 2012
Yeah, "Show your [romantic partner] this long list of their mendacities" is about the worst advice ever. Taking a list to a therapist is a different type of idea, and a very good one, and comes from a completely different sentiment.
It's actually a perq of the job! And that one isn't him anyhow.
"Interesting" how you don't say who else it isn't.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:04 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's actually a perq of the job! And that one isn't him anyhow.
"Interesting" how you don't say who else it isn't.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:04 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
Dear AskMe,
My girlfriend's birthday is fast approaching, and as my gift I will be giving her a detailed summary of her faults (with examples, dates, etc. I covered all my bases) so that she may improve upon them. Should I print it out on goldenrod or salmon?
posted by griphus at 10:07 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
My girlfriend's birthday is fast approaching, and as my gift I will be giving her a detailed summary of her faults (with examples, dates, etc. I covered all my bases) so that she may improve upon them. Should I print it out on goldenrod or salmon?
posted by griphus at 10:07 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
So the word that's an abbreviation for "percolate" — does anyone spell it "perc"?
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:12 AM on April 25, 2012
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:12 AM on April 25, 2012
Yes. "Perc test" is the term of art for the "percolation test" performed to see the rate of absorption in land before a septic system or leach field is put in.
Coffee, on the other hand, "perks" in a percolator.
You don't even want to get into the "mic" vs. "mike" controversy.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:17 AM on April 25, 2012 [5 favorites]
Coffee, on the other hand, "perks" in a percolator.
You don't even want to get into the "mic" vs. "mike" controversy.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:17 AM on April 25, 2012 [5 favorites]
Almost every student I ever had read the word "perquisite" as "prerequisite" (because, you know, college) and it didn't occur to them that it was related to "perks".
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:19 AM on April 25, 2012
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:19 AM on April 25, 2012
I have had people not print out threads but forward me links and say WAS THIS YOU WAS IT I CAN TELL IT WAS YOU YOU BITCH.
They are always wrong.
posted by elizardbits at 10:33 AM on April 25, 2012 [5 favorites]
They are always wrong.
posted by elizardbits at 10:33 AM on April 25, 2012 [5 favorites]
"So, I shared our incredibly personal, intimate issue with thousands of people on the Internet and look, they all think I'm right too!",
There was an askme some years back where the asker's partner was also a mefite and they commented in the thread - "Honey, I'm sitting right behind you!" or something. Ouch!
(This is why, if you are spoused to (a) mefite(s), you should only ask relationshipfilter questions about the one(s) you are *not* living with.)
posted by rtha at 10:39 AM on April 25, 2012
There was an askme some years back where the asker's partner was also a mefite and they commented in the thread - "Honey, I'm sitting right behind you!" or something. Ouch!
(This is why, if you are spoused to (a) mefite(s), you should only ask relationshipfilter questions about the one(s) you are *not* living with.)
posted by rtha at 10:39 AM on April 25, 2012
I vividly remember the moment I learned that "perk" was short for "perquisite." It was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me.
posted by mullacc at 10:40 AM on April 25, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by mullacc at 10:40 AM on April 25, 2012 [4 favorites]
and thanks for the twitter feed! now i never have to come to metafilter again...
posted by Avenger50 at 10:42 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Avenger50 at 10:42 AM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
um that comment was supposed to go in "the best of metafilter" thread.
posted by Avenger50 at 10:44 AM on April 25, 2012
posted by Avenger50 at 10:44 AM on April 25, 2012
Just print out the twitter feed and show it to them
posted by ook at 11:05 AM on April 25, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by ook at 11:05 AM on April 25, 2012 [4 favorites]
No, that's a sarcastic note.
Huh? "Sarcastic" and "passive-aggressive" aren't mutually exclusive. They often go together. That was my example of a passive-aggressive note by someone who was doing a poor job at concealing their sarcasm.
posted by John Cohen at 11:09 AM on April 25, 2012
Huh? "Sarcastic" and "passive-aggressive" aren't mutually exclusive. They often go together. That was my example of a passive-aggressive note by someone who was doing a poor job at concealing their sarcasm.
posted by John Cohen at 11:09 AM on April 25, 2012
Just to be sure, I always carry around a bound volume of the internet.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:20 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 11:20 AM on April 25, 2012 [6 favorites]
The Compleat Inter-Nette
Vol I
AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! - All Your Base
posted by griphus at 11:27 AM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
Vol I
AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! - All Your Base
posted by griphus at 11:27 AM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
Yes. We never spoke again. Mainly I think because most of Mefi thought he was a scumbag. I guess it was for the best though, because he definitely was one.
posted by melissam at 12:02 PM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by melissam at 12:02 PM on April 25, 2012 [3 favorites]
Yet again my fucking tea has gone cold with a teabag steeping in the water. Stupid lousy Mefi.
posted by marienbad at 12:02 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by marienbad at 12:02 PM on April 25, 2012
I've linked many people to that AskMe about the best way to dispose of a body. It's uncanny how often that subject comes up.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:30 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:30 PM on April 25, 2012
Do you link it as a "haha here is a funny thing that references something we were discussing the other day" or as simply an ominous threat presented without further comment?
the latter is quite obviously superior, in my awesome opinion.
posted by elizardbits at 12:48 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
the latter is quite obviously superior, in my awesome opinion.
posted by elizardbits at 12:48 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
I was assuming he meant purely as a practicality.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:49 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by shakespeherian at 12:49 PM on April 25, 2012
[CORPORATE EMAIL CHAIN]
Marisa Stole the Precious Thing,
do you have that series of reports I asked you to work on? Thanks.
Wilson Fisk, Asst. V.P. of Accounting
Wilson,
Not yet, I'm still working on them. Thanks.
Marisa
Marisa,
Do you know when they'll be ready? Thanks -W
Wilson,
I'm not sure, there's a number of spreadsheets to go through. -M
I need those on my desk by 6:00 PM sharp. -W
http://ask.metafilter.com/7921/If-you-killed-somebody-how-would-you-dispose-of-the-body-without-getting-caught#155715
posted by griphus at 12:55 PM on April 25, 2012 [13 favorites]
Marisa Stole the Precious Thing,
do you have that series of reports I asked you to work on? Thanks.
Wilson Fisk, Asst. V.P. of Accounting
Wilson,
Not yet, I'm still working on them. Thanks.
Marisa
Marisa,
Do you know when they'll be ready? Thanks -W
Wilson,
I'm not sure, there's a number of spreadsheets to go through. -M
I need those on my desk by 6:00 PM sharp. -W
http://ask.metafilter.com/7921/If-you-killed-somebody-how-would-you-dispose-of-the-body-without-getting-caught#155715
posted by griphus at 12:55 PM on April 25, 2012 [13 favorites]
ook: "..."Tell them exactly what you told us," which is the same advice minus the stupid."
I have given exactly this advice and stand by it. I still can't think of a better way to answer that question.
posted by workerant at 1:08 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have given exactly this advice and stand by it. I still can't think of a better way to answer that question.
posted by workerant at 1:08 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yeah, that's what I meant. "Tell them what you told us" is good advice. "Show them this thread" is not.
posted by ook at 1:14 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by ook at 1:14 PM on April 25, 2012
re: workerant's link: I'm so glad there was finally an update on that situation - can't believe I didn't go check again! yay.
posted by batmonkey at 1:33 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by batmonkey at 1:33 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
My girlfriend posted an anonymous AskMe complaining about a number of things about me, and she told me about the thread as soon as she posted the question.
Many MeFites I respect urged her to DTMFA.
Fortunately she didn't.
posted by jayder at 2:14 PM on April 25, 2012 [5 favorites]
Many MeFites I respect urged her to DTMFA.
Fortunately she didn't.
posted by jayder at 2:14 PM on April 25, 2012 [5 favorites]
I show people thread all the time. Women dig a guy who can sew.
I thought the 'thread up the nose' was a way to ensure people DIDN'T talk to you??
Should link pic but am too lazy to search for it
posted by bquarters at 2:17 PM on April 25, 2012
I thought the 'thread up the nose' was a way to ensure people DIDN'T talk to you??
Should link pic but am too lazy to search for it
posted by bquarters at 2:17 PM on April 25, 2012
I have had more than two SOs (one a MeFite who never ventured onto the Green, the other an occasional lurker) stumble across an AskMetafilter question about them and then talk to me about it. The questions were usually anonymous or posted through a sockpuppet account, and they usually had some details switched around, but I guess if you're being the party being described it's pretty obvious to you even when some of the details are fuzzy.
That said, none of the conversations I've had as a result of AskMes I've posted have been acrimonious, and occasionally actually helped significantly. I guess it's different because I didn't actively point them to the thread? Or does that just make it even more passive-aggressive?
Anyway, I don't post relationship AskMes anymore. That's what Twitter is for.
posted by Phire at 2:26 PM on April 25, 2012
That said, none of the conversations I've had as a result of AskMes I've posted have been acrimonious, and occasionally actually helped significantly. I guess it's different because I didn't actively point them to the thread? Or does that just make it even more passive-aggressive?
Anyway, I don't post relationship AskMes anymore. That's what Twitter is for.
posted by Phire at 2:26 PM on April 25, 2012
My experience with "show them this thread" and passive aggression:
I've posted a number of relatively innocent questions asking about social norms or dating and shown them to the person they concern, i.e. "Hey Colleen, this is why I am reluctant to hug you." "Oh it's okay, our friend Steve gets a chub when he hugs me, it's totally cool."
I've also posted a bunch of depressing human relations questions about people who know I use AskMe or frequent it themselves. I post them anonymously to "avoid drama" and give me plausible deniability, but provide enough detail that they can consider that it might be about them and feel as shitty as I do, without leaving any evidence of wrong-doing on my part. (Aside from this MeTa post, but let's not get too recursive here.)
Now that is how you use Metafilter passive-aggressively.
posted by modernserf at 2:56 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
I've posted a number of relatively innocent questions asking about social norms or dating and shown them to the person they concern, i.e. "Hey Colleen, this is why I am reluctant to hug you." "Oh it's okay, our friend Steve gets a chub when he hugs me, it's totally cool."
I've also posted a bunch of depressing human relations questions about people who know I use AskMe or frequent it themselves. I post them anonymously to "avoid drama" and give me plausible deniability, but provide enough detail that they can consider that it might be about them and feel as shitty as I do, without leaving any evidence of wrong-doing on my part. (Aside from this MeTa post, but let's not get too recursive here.)
Now that is how you use Metafilter passive-aggressively.
posted by modernserf at 2:56 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
elizardbits: "I have had people not print out threads but forward me links and say WAS THIS YOU WAS IT I CAN TELL IT WAS YOU YOU BITCH.
They are always wrong."
Of course, you would say that, wouldn't you?.
posted by dg at 3:16 PM on April 25, 2012
They are always wrong."
Of course, you would say that, wouldn't you?.
posted by dg at 3:16 PM on April 25, 2012
Someone close to me did this once, with the end result being me sitting there crying while I read about everyone's harsh and inaccurate judgments of the situation. Good times.
posted by sugarbomb at 3:27 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by sugarbomb at 3:27 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
Sidhedevil: "unicorns cried cupcake tears"
I've been looking at this for a while and it really has me torn.
On the one hand, I like unicorns. They're soft and pretty with flouncy manes and enjoy being petted.
On the other…cupcakes are undeniably delicious.
Obviously, it would be morally reprehensible to make a unicorn cry just so you can get a delicious cupcake out of it. I'm not going argue there.
But what if they are happy tears?
That's okay, right, guys?
Guys?
posted by misha at 4:17 PM on April 25, 2012 [7 favorites]
I've been looking at this for a while and it really has me torn.
On the one hand, I like unicorns. They're soft and pretty with flouncy manes and enjoy being petted.
On the other…cupcakes are undeniably delicious.
Obviously, it would be morally reprehensible to make a unicorn cry just so you can get a delicious cupcake out of it. I'm not going argue there.
But what if they are happy tears?
That's okay, right, guys?
Guys?
posted by misha at 4:17 PM on April 25, 2012 [7 favorites]
Considering that they shit bundt cakes, you can just follow them with a litter picker.
posted by fleacircus at 6:03 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by fleacircus at 6:03 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
Alas, no. To get the cupcakes it has to be terror tears.
posted by tomboko at 6:05 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by tomboko at 6:05 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
It should also be pointed out that if you're trying to ascend, you don't necessarily need to kill a unicorn - throwing gems at a co-aligned one, making it your pet, and then taking its horn when it gets killed will work just as well.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:12 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:12 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
It should also be pointed out that if you're trying to ascend, you don't necessarily need to kill a unicorn - throwing gems at a co-aligned one, making it your pet, and then taking its horn when it gets killed will work just as well.
Favorited for the day when I actually get a character that far.
posted by Gygesringtone at 6:14 PM on April 25, 2012
This reminds me of the time there was a guy named buttsbuttsbuttshoorayforbutts.
posted by drjimmy11 at 6:32 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by drjimmy11 at 6:32 PM on April 25, 2012
I come from Minnesota, a state that is famously passive aggressive. So much so that they think passive aggressiveness is just plain aggressiveness, and, when they act passive aggressive, feel guilty.
Examples of passive aggressive behavior from people I know.
Staring really angrily at somebody who has done something wrong, after they have turned their back and walked away.
Complaining about somebody in their presence, but in a very generalized way. "Oh, wouldn't it be nice if people didn't let children stand in front of me at parades."
Coughing and sighing a lot when they are in their cubicle and want to get work done, but somebody outside the cubicle is making too much noise.
Getting really angry two hours after they have gotten a bad haircut and are looking at it in the mirror at their home.
Getting angry that somebody hasn't called them in a while, and so refraining from calling, just to see how long it takes for the person to call them. (This is how many a friendship in Minnesota has ended, with both people staring angrily at the phone, wondering why the other person doesn't call.)
Getting angry at somebody and then punishing them by refusing to do something completely unrelated. Such as: Getting mad that somebody did come to your birthday party, and so refusing to pay back a debt.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:15 PM on April 25, 2012 [8 favorites]
Examples of passive aggressive behavior from people I know.
Staring really angrily at somebody who has done something wrong, after they have turned their back and walked away.
Complaining about somebody in their presence, but in a very generalized way. "Oh, wouldn't it be nice if people didn't let children stand in front of me at parades."
Coughing and sighing a lot when they are in their cubicle and want to get work done, but somebody outside the cubicle is making too much noise.
Getting really angry two hours after they have gotten a bad haircut and are looking at it in the mirror at their home.
Getting angry that somebody hasn't called them in a while, and so refraining from calling, just to see how long it takes for the person to call them. (This is how many a friendship in Minnesota has ended, with both people staring angrily at the phone, wondering why the other person doesn't call.)
Getting angry at somebody and then punishing them by refusing to do something completely unrelated. Such as: Getting mad that somebody did come to your birthday party, and so refusing to pay back a debt.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:15 PM on April 25, 2012 [8 favorites]
Getting mad that somebody did NOT come to your birthday party, rather.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:17 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:17 PM on April 25, 2012
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what's happening to my brother, the longer he stays in Minnesota. Of course, I may never know for sure, 'cause I haven't called him in a while...
posted by limeonaire at 7:34 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by limeonaire at 7:34 PM on April 25, 2012
What happens when they come into contact with actual aggression? Do they shatter like smoked glass?
posted by The Whelk at 7:57 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by The Whelk at 7:57 PM on April 25, 2012
I think many of these are cortex abusing his admin privileges to get it for free anyway.
I actually do very few sockpuppet jokes, partly because I can't be bothered to log in from a different browser and keep track of things and partly because it seems like when I think I'm being obvious I can still end up making people feel played and I feel kind of terrible about that.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:52 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
I actually do very few sockpuppet jokes, partly because I can't be bothered to log in from a different browser and keep track of things and partly because it seems like when I think I'm being obvious I can still end up making people feel played and I feel kind of terrible about that.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:52 PM on April 25, 2012 [2 favorites]
If this is you being passive-aggressive of telling us something about "Scott Adams" you should maybe just come right out and say it.
posted by davidjmcgee at 9:01 PM on April 25, 2012
posted by davidjmcgee at 9:01 PM on April 25, 2012
[but for real, that tennis match thread was the best thing ever]
posted by davidjmcgee at 9:03 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by davidjmcgee at 9:03 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
What happens when they come into contact with actual aggression?
It is seen as madness.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 9:50 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
It is seen as madness.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 9:50 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
Examples of passive aggressive behavior from people I know.
I live in Wisconsin and I swear to god I didn't know some of these were considered to be wrong. Some seem like the right, rational way to behave in a given circumstance Explains my Chicagoan husbsnd's occasional exasperation with me.
posted by desjardins at 11:41 PM on April 25, 2012
I live in Wisconsin and I swear to god I didn't know some of these were considered to be wrong. Some seem like the right, rational way to behave in a given circumstance Explains my Chicagoan husbsnd's occasional exasperation with me.
posted by desjardins at 11:41 PM on April 25, 2012
Also, telling people what you want to do instead of first asking what they want to do is boorish.
posted by desjardins at 11:43 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by desjardins at 11:43 PM on April 25, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also, telling people what you want to do instead of first asking what they want to do is boorish.
*lightbulb* You have just helped me understand the first cause of the worst fight I ever had with my husband.
posted by bardophile at 12:05 AM on April 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
*lightbulb* You have just helped me understand the first cause of the worst fight I ever had with my husband.
posted by bardophile at 12:05 AM on April 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
Going back to the original question of the thread (I mean, if its not too much trouble)...
I do think it would be awesome to have some kind of process or cultural thing to encourage people who post "what should i do"-type threads (be they relationshipfilter, recipefilter, etc) to post followups. In digging through the archives, it seems like many more posts go non-followed-up than followed-up.
I wonder if there's some kind of resource we could point people to in order to encourage this kind of behavior...
posted by softlord at 4:32 AM on April 26, 2012
I do think it would be awesome to have some kind of process or cultural thing to encourage people who post "what should i do"-type threads (be they relationshipfilter, recipefilter, etc) to post followups. In digging through the archives, it seems like many more posts go non-followed-up than followed-up.
I wonder if there's some kind of resource we could point people to in order to encourage this kind of behavior...
posted by softlord at 4:32 AM on April 26, 2012
What happens when they come into contact with actual aggression?
It is seen as madness.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 9:50 PM on April 25 [+] [!]
For serious, if you'd like to see this taken to its logical extreme, consider reading Never in Anger: Portrait of an Eskimo Family. It's an anthropologist's account of her 17 months spent living with an Eskimo family north of the arctic circle. The hardest part of the book for me was reading about her social ostracism after expressing anger at some intrusive non-Eskimo sportsmen who "borrowed" and wrecked one of the family's watercraft.
posted by endless_forms at 9:52 AM on April 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
It is seen as madness.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 9:50 PM on April 25 [+] [!]
For serious, if you'd like to see this taken to its logical extreme, consider reading Never in Anger: Portrait of an Eskimo Family. It's an anthropologist's account of her 17 months spent living with an Eskimo family north of the arctic circle. The hardest part of the book for me was reading about her social ostracism after expressing anger at some intrusive non-Eskimo sportsmen who "borrowed" and wrecked one of the family's watercraft.
posted by endless_forms at 9:52 AM on April 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
I do think it would be awesome to have some kind of process or cultural thing to encourage people who post "what should i do"-type threads (be they relationshipfilter, recipefilter, etc) to post followups.
There is a setting to get an email a month after your question. Just got one the other day...unfortunately, I still have not resolved that situation, which managed to go get even more complicated.
posted by epersonae at 2:50 PM on April 26, 2012
There is a setting to get an email a month after your question. Just got one the other day...unfortunately, I still have not resolved that situation, which managed to go get even more complicated.
posted by epersonae at 2:50 PM on April 26, 2012
It's actually a perq of the job!
[remembers anew why she crushes on jessamyn]
posted by desuetude at 10:11 PM on April 26, 2012
[remembers anew why she crushes on jessamyn]
posted by desuetude at 10:11 PM on April 26, 2012
Who the fuck keeps pop tarts in a refrigerator?
posted by MangyCarface at 9:33 AM on April 27, 2012
posted by MangyCarface at 9:33 AM on April 27, 2012
Probably the same freaks who dab the surface of their pizza with a paper towel before eating.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:12 AM on April 27, 2012
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:12 AM on April 27, 2012
What if my bird is already trained to use the toilet? What then, smart guy?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:27 AM on April 27, 2012
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:27 AM on April 27, 2012
And turn your bird into one of those sad folks who reads his laptop on the toilet?
posted by shakespeherian at 10:54 AM on April 27, 2012
posted by shakespeherian at 10:54 AM on April 27, 2012
::Cue the sound of hundreds of metafilter users in toilets all around the globe suddenly feeling a little more sad::
posted by ook at 2:30 PM on April 27, 2012
posted by ook at 2:30 PM on April 27, 2012
I just crawled into this sensory-deprivation tank and found out I was a computer. Imagine my surprise. All this time, I thought I was a brain in a vat.
posted by y2karl at 5:22 PM on April 27, 2012
posted by y2karl at 5:22 PM on April 27, 2012
Wow, I just turned off all the input into my vat and found out I was really a guy in a sensory-deprivation tank.
posted by Gygesringtone at 5:29 PM on April 27, 2012
posted by Gygesringtone at 5:29 PM on April 27, 2012
Someone close to me did this once, with the end result being me sitting there crying while I read about everyone's harsh and inaccurate judgments of the situation. Good times.
Man, that is shitty, sugarbomb, and I am sorry to hear it. I worry about that all the time when I post in AskMe. And we hear the other side of the story so rarely that there is almost never any way to know. Or to get a read on how often/likely it is that we are getting a really skewed and inaccurate view on things (beyond the degree that you can't avoid when you are only getting one perspective).
I am wondering, for anyone who has had a critical question asked ABOUT them, did you find the framing of the question to be pretty accurate? If the answers were critical of you, were they at all useful?
posted by cairdeas at 11:22 PM on April 27, 2012
Man, that is shitty, sugarbomb, and I am sorry to hear it. I worry about that all the time when I post in AskMe. And we hear the other side of the story so rarely that there is almost never any way to know. Or to get a read on how often/likely it is that we are getting a really skewed and inaccurate view on things (beyond the degree that you can't avoid when you are only getting one perspective).
I am wondering, for anyone who has had a critical question asked ABOUT them, did you find the framing of the question to be pretty accurate? If the answers were critical of you, were they at all useful?
posted by cairdeas at 11:22 PM on April 27, 2012
A note that says: "Clean up after yourself and stop eating my food! -- John" may be aggressive, but it isn't passive-aggressive.
This kind of misunderstanding is why I always go immediately to active-aggressive.
posted by Mike1024 at 11:06 AM on April 28, 2012
This kind of misunderstanding is why I always go immediately to active-aggressive.
posted by Mike1024 at 11:06 AM on April 28, 2012
A few of my askme questions (one about a stroke victim, another about dragon smoke) were 'collaborative' questions - more than one person wanted the answers. I had the askme account, so I asked the questions. The stroke victim is my sister's father in law, the dragon smoke over the door was a cow-orker.
In all cases I send a link to the thread to the people involved in the conversation. Why wouldn't I?
posted by disclaimer at 2:44 PM on April 28, 2012
In all cases I send a link to the thread to the people involved in the conversation. Why wouldn't I?
posted by disclaimer at 2:44 PM on April 28, 2012
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:08 AM on April 25, 2012 [23 favorites]