GIVE UP YOUR FOOD November 21, 2017 8:23 PM   Subscribe

It is the time for feasting, which means it is the time for recipes! We have no other outlet for our dark perversions, so let's do it here. Oh, such recipes we should all share... here's mine for Maple Bacon Dirt Rockets!


1 pound of skinny little carrots, with their cute little green tops on.
1 pound of parsnips, you have no choice, it’s a pound of parsnips.
1/3 of a cup of Grade B Maple Syrup, Grade A Robust and Dark if you cannot find Grade B. Mostly because they are lying and are actually grade B. This is good. We need this.
4 sprigs of thyme where you actually bother to strip off the leaves
4 sprigs of thyme you just chuck on top entire.


1) Cut the green tops off the carrots, and promise to yourself to look up a recipe for carrot tops not involving the prop comedian. Throw away the carrot greens. Peel the carrots.

2) Most of the parsnips are carrot shaped, except for the really WHOAH ones. Peel and cut the parsnips down to size as needed with a sharp knife.

4) Putting the bacon in the freezer for a half hour puts the bacon to sleep, so it will feel nothing as you dice six thick-cut slices into thin ribbons to toss them in the throwaway pan. Hearty grinds of pepper. Don’t forget the thyme!

5) You have sprayed the throwaway aluminum foil roasting pan with a liberal dosing of a generic PAM cooking spray! And now there are ingredients, and a properly heated oven, and they are all in the same place at the same time. A half hour at 450º degrees? Sure, why not.


7) Remove the disposable foil roasting pan from the searing heat. Ignore what you have done. Transfer those who can be lifted from the pan without effort to a nice dish, pry the stuck, burnt ones off later as an amazing crispy snack when doing dishes.

8) Receive praise, slay the root-vegetable unbelievers!
posted by Slap*Happy to Feature Requests at 8:23 PM (70 comments total) 46 users marked this as a favorite

For the gluten-free folks, if you haven't encountered the Brazilian cheese roll, here is my accumulated wisdom about it. It is my go-to for parties and is a reliable hit. (Although I had to give up the honor at in-law gatherings because my wife's cousin married a Brazilian woman so she obviously had dibs.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 8:25 PM on November 21, 2017 [8 favorites]

Slap*Happy I am in town this weekend, will there be any of this left?
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:29 PM on November 21, 2017

Slap*Happy I am in town this weekend, will there be any of this left?

Oh. You think that this the END of this? Let me chuckle in the way that those of us do.

I have plans that involve your mouth and creatures neither plant nor animal!

Dread Rhode Island Fungus


8oz Shitake mushrooms, cleaned and stemmed.
8oz Oyster mushrooms, cleaned and I dunno, maybe chopped up a bit? It’s weird.
1lb White Button mushrooms, cleaned
1 tbsp olive oil
1 1/2 tbsp butter, divided
salt and pepper to taste
1/4 cup minced shallots (two big ones or four little ones)
1 tbsp champagne vinegar, or other white wine vinegar
2 tbsp cognac, brandy or sherry (Five bucks a 2oz nip for a decent Remy Martin. I mean, really?)
1/2 cup crème fraiche (A decent sour cream will work, I guess.)
1/2 cup chicken broth or as needed.
1/2 tbsp fresh tarragon (Dry if its sold out)
1/2 tbsp fresh marjoram (Also this.)


1tbsp each olive oil and butter, and let the butter brown a bit on medium-high before dumping in the cleaned and sliced shrooms, fancy and pedestrian alike. Add a healthy dose of salt, and sauté until all the water has gone out of the fungii and evaporated from the pan.

Make a space, plop in another half tbsp of butter, and then sweat the shallots and tarragon a coupla minutes, then stir 'em all up with the dirt-buttons.

Sauté for 10 minutes or so, and then deglaze with the vinegar and cogñac. When that's evaporated, add in the crème fraiche and majoram until it's all gunked up, then splash in the chicken stock, and simmer that action on medium-low ten minutes or so. Enjoy your slimy fungus pile! Good on toast.

Also you should totally come, if not for the mayhem of the Day Itself, but to play some Munchkin or Catan with the brood, as easy breezy fam will be about all weekend.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:43 PM on November 21, 2017 [4 favorites]

Stuffing fritters with jalapeno cranberry sauce
Mashed potato puffs
Turkey-stuffing croquettes with cranberry centers

I'm making extra of everything because I only care about leftovers.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:26 PM on November 21, 2017 [6 favorites]

Buy rutabaga.

Cut rutabaga into 1" cubes.

Boil rutabaga until fork tender, which takes way longer than you think it will.

Mash rutabaga, adding milk or cream for smoothness.

Season rutabaga with pepper.

Take rutabaga to potluck, secure in the knowledge nobody else will be bringing mashed rutabaga.

You can also mash rutabaga half-and-half with potatoes so it has a less distinctive flavor, but that's for WUSSES.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 9:31 PM on November 21, 2017 [10 favorites]

Restless_nomad, I'm pretty sure we just had those cheese balls at a demo table at Costco last week. First time I've ever encountered them. They had a slight hint of a burnt taste, and my kid wouldn't eat it, he gave his half eaten one to me. I thought they were good, but I wouldn't take them to a party (not the Costco ones, I'm sure homemade are much better).
posted by vignettist at 9:48 PM on November 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

For potlucks I like to make a traditional sausage dressing, add some dried cranberries, and bake them in muffin tins. Stuffin' Muffins.
posted by vignettist at 9:52 PM on November 21, 2017 [4 favorites]

i like to fold a slice of cheese into 8ths and eat it like a lil book
posted by poffin boffin at 10:25 PM on November 21, 2017 [47 favorites]

cheese page by cheese page
posted by poffin boffin at 10:25 PM on November 21, 2017 [9 favorites]

First time I've ever encountered them.

They have a texture that doesn't come up much (they are tapioca-based) but they shouldn't taste burned!
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:56 PM on November 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

Apple Crisp!

*First, chop up enough apples to fill your baking dish. I usually skin the apples first and cut them into smallish chunks. You can make this easily in a 9/13 baking dish, or a 9/8 baking dish. I've even made it with pretty much-success in a brownie tin. You can make apple crisp with pretty much any kind of apple. Granny Smith retain their tartness and crispiness really nicely; Galas turn into basically apple sauce ... experiment!
*Pour a tablespoon or so of lemon juice on the apples while they're in your pan to keep them from browning while you're making the crisp, and also to add a little to the tartness.
* In a separate bowl, mix up about 2/3 cup of white sugar, 1/2 cup of flour, 2/3 cup of oats, 2/3 cup of brown sugar, 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon (or a little more), a 1/2 teaspoon of cloves (or a little more), 1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg, and a little bit of salt. Melt 1/2 to 1/3 a stick of butter (or margarine) and mix it all together.
* Pour the crisp over the apples. You can sprinkle some walnuts on top, too, if you want.
*Bake at 425 for 15-20 minutes
posted by ChuraChura at 3:24 AM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]

So every year, NPR does a whole dog-and-pony show about Susan Stamberg sharing her mother-in-law's cranberry relish recipe. Well - my family grows cranberries and has done so for 3 generations now, and we are supplier for Ocean Spray - and I am therefore in a position of authority to state that "Mama Stamberg's" recipe sounds awful, and is also way more complicated than you need to make it (she includes onion and sour cream, and uses a meat grinder, y'all).

Instead, all you really need is:

One bag of cranberries
One seedless orange
Optional: sugar

Wash the orange really well. Do not peel the orange. Cut it into a couple chunks and dump it in the bowl of a food processor, with the cranberries. Turn on your food processor and let it go a few seconds, until everything is finely chopped and mixed. Taste for your desired level of sweetness; if it's not sweet enough for you, add a little sugar. But it really should be on the tart side. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

That's it. Yeah, you can gild the lily with spices if you really want, but cranberry relish is supposed to be a bracingly fruity foil for the other rich food on your plate, and the cranberry and orange do that just fine if you get out of their way. If you really want to add some more flavors, you probably should graduate to a proper sauce, but even there you still want it to be more fruity and it'd be an extra thing to cook, and really, do you have time for that?

Seriously, bag of cranberries, one orange, food processor, you're done in less than a minute. All respect due to Susan Stamberg, but seriously, horseradish in cranberry relish is messed up.

....I think I may start my own annual tradition in here of posting this comment in response to Susan Stamberg since she does an annual thing herself. So there.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:17 AM on November 22, 2017 [40 favorites]

That cranberry recipe is even more simple that the sauce I've always made:

1 pound bag of fresh cranberries
1 1/2 cup sugar
1 1/4 cup of port wine
1/4 cup of water
1 1/2 T. cornstarch

Wash cranberries. Combine cranberries, sugar, and wine in a saucepan and bring to a boil and cook for 5 to 7 minutes or until all cranberries are popped. Combine water and cornstarch. Stir into mixture and bring to a boil 1 minute stirring constantly. Put in covered containers and store in refrigerator. Keeps for quite a long time but is always eaten before it spoils!

I usually jar the end product and process in a boiling water bath, but the recipe doesn't really make all that much and it does store in the fridge quite well.
posted by koolkat at 5:24 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Hmm. If you're willing to experiment sometime, try boiling a few extra minutes, and leaving out the cornstarch and water. Cranberries have a lot of natural pectin so you may not need the extra thickener.

(But to be honest the port wine thing is something I've been wanting to try myself)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:30 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

restless nomad, I've been making a varient on Brazilian cheese bread, adding a pinch or two of cayenne, cumin and smoked paprika to the mix and browning a bit of chourico and stuffing a chunk in the middle. People seem to dig 'em.

As for thanksgiving-ish stuff:

Mashed potatoes w bacon, onion and goat cheese

5lbs Yukon golds or russets
1 stick butter
Whole milk, ~3 cups? (I eyeball)
6oz fresh goat's cheese
1 lb bacon
1 small red onion

Peel, chop boil potatoes until fork tender.
While potatoes are cooking streaky bacon at 425F/220C for 15-20 until crisp. Crumble.
Finely dice onion.
When potatoes are ready, drain, add butter, milk, goat cheese and salt and pepper. Mash. When mashed to you desired consistency, stir in bacon and red onion.
posted by Diablevert at 6:02 AM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

(Slap*Happy, the CotSG thread is down the hall and through the blue door.)

Excellent post, and the recipes look great. Their stylish delivery, however, kind of a Paula-Deen-with-Guy-Fierei-hair, is what really makes me want to ROAST 'EM UP.

Also, EmpressCallipygos , your recipe is how I make cranberries every year -- in slavish devotion to the instructions right on the damn bag -- and everyone loves them. And I don't even use a food processor, I just squeeze the orange in my mighty fist and then toss the remains aside.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:20 AM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

Christmas Nachos:

1 bag of fancy potato chips (I use Kettle Chips/Tyrrells in the UK - definitely not tortilla chips)
Significant amounts of brie
Any other kind of comforting winter food - chunks of stuffing, little sausages, chestnuts etc.
Cranberry sauce for blobbing

Put the chips & bonus winter food chunks in a big pile. Melt brie liberally all over. Blob cranberry sauce on top if you want to.
posted by terretu at 6:39 AM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]

Those Brazilian cheese rolls definitely should not taste burned. Mmmm. So good.

I made the cranberry curd for a cranberry curd pie (NY Times recipe) this morning (no foodmill, so I sieved it. Ugh), and will bake it this afternoon. Later, I will go out for some "recreational cool-wip" as my father refers to Reddi-Wip (much to the unknowing horror of the marketing folks at both companies, and probably the author of the recipe).
posted by julen at 6:50 AM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

My mom is one of those southern moms who makes unholy, unhealthy, unreasonably yummy casseroles this time of year. This is my favorite:

1 lb yellow squash
1 small onion
1 tbsp melted butter , and another ½ cup to mix with stuffing
1 can undiluted cream of chicken soup
1(8oz) carton sour cream
1 pkg herb seasoning stuffing mix (at least 3 cups, good ol' Stove Top is fine)

Cook thinly-sliced squash and onion until tender in small amount of water; drain. Stir in chicken soup and sour cream. Combine ½ cup margarine (melted) and stuffing mix, stirring until well blended. Combine ½ of stuffing mix and all of squash mixture. Spoon into 2-quart casserole dish (buttered). Top with remaining stuffing mix. Bake at 375 for 30 minutes.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:05 AM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]

Oh man, Eyebrows, I can't believe you're a rutabaga eater! My husband's Chicago side of the family always does rutabaga, so now I'm wondering if it's a regional thing? Although only a few of them/us actually like it. It's a very polarizing food. I don't dislike it as much as I resent that it resembles mashed sweet potato but tastes like mashed cauliflower. Also, I think step 2 in your instructions should carry the same warning as step 3. I once saw pre-cubed rutabaga in a grocery store in Maine, and was half-tempted to buy and ship it to my in-laws, because god damn that is one tedious vegetable to prepare.
posted by gueneverey at 7:16 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Grade B Maple Syrup, Grade A Robust and Dark if you cannot find Grade B. Mostly because they are lying and are actually grade B.

Do not be alarmed. This is (the new) normal. It's worth reading the linked USDA standard (PDF) just so you can find out that "buddy" is a disagreeable flavor for syrup.
posted by fedward at 7:19 AM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

(I wanted to make a Pauly Shore joke but haven't had enough coffee).
posted by fedward at 7:20 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Hmm. If you're willing to experiment sometime, try boiling a few extra minutes, and leaving out the cornstarch and water. Cranberries have a lot of natural pectin so you may not need the extra thickener.

(But to be honest the port wine thing is something I've been wanting to try myself)

I like my cranberry sauce a bit thicker than my jams, so I'd probably boil to 105-106 C. I didn't think about how much pectin the cranberries have, so that is a good idea. I just did my last batch of Jam for the year (home grown grapes in Yorkshire!) so now I've got 26 jars of jam stored up for the next year. I've made 2kg batches of Grape, Blackberry, Raspberry, Redcurrant, Blackcurrant and Gooseberry so I think I'm set for Jam for a while. I'm still thinking that I might make some apple butter, but I'll wait until the apples have rested a bit more as they sweeten up over time.

So far on the cider/country wine front I've only made 1 gallon of apple cider and one gallon of pear wine. I've still got to make the gooseberry and the blackberry and decide if I wantot make a combined multifruit one as well with the leftovers that don't fit into the 1kg packages that I freeze.
posted by koolkat at 7:32 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Eyebrows, this year will be the first in many that I do not have any rutabaga for the holidays. My mother always made it although she called it turnip and I was an adult before I knew the difference between rutabaga and turnip.

I'm cohosting a potluck Thanksgiving with my niece this year, so I'm only doing the turkey, stuffing, gravy, and two pies. One pie will be this apple-cranberry-cherry pie that I have never made before. The other will be a maple walnut pie I have made for over twenty years.

Last night I realized it's November and I hadn't made any pumpkin bread yet, so I mixed up some pumpkin muffins. I think I can remember the recipe:

Mix together in a large bowl:
4 cups flour (I used half white whole wheat, comes out fine)
2 cups sugar
1.5 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp allspice
1 tsp nutmeg
0.5 tsp cloves
0.5 tsp ground ginger

1 cup oil
4 eggs
3/4 cup cold water
1 can pumpkin

Mix until smooth. Fold in: whatever you like. I went for dried cranberries, walnuts, and diced candied ginger.

Spoon into greased muffin tins, it should make 2 dozen if you fill the tins about 2/3 of the way. Bake at 350F about 18 minutes.

They're not that healthy given the volume of sugar, but they're quite tasty and should be pretty moist.
posted by suelac at 7:34 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

suelac: My mother always made it although she called it turnip and I was an adult before I knew the difference between rutabaga and turnip.

My dad, a german/Norwegian guy from Minnesota, always called rutabagas "swede," which I thought was misplaced ethnic pride (since he still ate them) but now I learn from Wikipedia is very common. Live and learn!
posted by wenestvedt at 7:59 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm going to someone else's house for Thanksgiving, and have no idea what their cooking will be like, so I have Trepidation. Yesterday I cooked 1/2 a turkey (lengthwise, the other 1/2 is in the freezer), made stuffing in the correct manner, and made gravy as it should be made. And then ran out of propane. So I will have to prep the apple crisp and cook it there. I use a mix of apples, I have Macs, Cortlands and Granny Smiths, and I bake it for a long time because I like it pretty mushy. I can't use the stove which makes me want to cook. Brussels sprouts, in particular, roasted, with bacon. In theory, I could cook them on the wood stove, but making the living room smell of bacon fat, nah.

My Aunt Dot made cranberry ice the time I spent Thanksgiving with them, and I have developed my own recipe. It's pretty flexible (haphazard). You can use orange or lemon instead of lime. I've added cran-raspberry juice on occasion. I serve it mid-meal in glass punch cups.
Cranberry Ice
1 can cran jelly
1/2 can frozen limeade
1 1/2 limeade cans water
1 or 2 fresh lime, juiced.
Add lime zest if you like; I don't like the texture.
Blenderize. Freeze. An aluminum loaf pan works well. Every little while, mash with a fork.
posted by theora55 at 8:03 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Mashed rutabaga is a lurk family staple at Christmas and Easter. We cook it in a pressure cooker (I got my mom an Instant Pot last year, and this is the only thing it's been used for -- and she made me do it).

Last year I made a cranberry curd for the holidays, which was really different and delicious, and I'll probably do that again if I can remember which recipe I used. If I'm really ambitious maybe I'll use it to make a tart or something.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 8:16 AM on November 22, 2017

If you like little cheesy rolls (which are best fresh but do make excellent leftovers sliders) and don't need to be gluten free, these gougères are impressively fancy-looking and can be cranked out assembly-line style for several batches if necessary.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:22 AM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

1 large (3½ C) can of pumpkin
½ C flour
4 C sugar
1 T ginger
1 t cinnamon
½ t salt
3 C milk

mix flour and sugar and add to pumpkin in large bowl
add spices and milk, stir

15 minutes at 450°
45 minutes at 350°

This makes two pies

Ok, laugh at that combination of spices. This is an old recipe. At least double what's there and throw in some cloves, nutmeg and allspice, maybe a little mace. I usually just keep tossing in spices until I'm happy.
posted by Karmakaze at 8:23 AM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

OOOH, our family's very best Thanksgiving secret is stupidly easy and I nearly forgot about it.

We make the very best mashed potatoes EVAR. The secret: they're half mashed potatoes and half celery root. While you're boiling the sliced potatoes in water, boil peeled and sliced celery root in milk. When they're soft enough to break apart when prodded with a fork, they're ready. Mash (or run through a potato ricer on fine, even better), mix with the normal amounts of salt, butter, and milk you'd use for mashed potatoes, and then add a few squeezes of spicy or dijon mustard.

The result will taste like mashed potatoes, only more complex. People love 'em.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:31 AM on November 22, 2017 [10 favorites]

EmpressCallipygos , your recipe is how I make cranberries every year -- in slavish devotion to the instructions right on the damn bag -- and everyone loves them. And I don't even use a food processor, I just squeeze the orange in my mighty fist and then toss the remains aside.

Another suggestion for experimentation (on a later date) - try it with the food processor and throwing in the whole orange. The orange peel gives it a bit of extra tartness and complexity, and using the whole fruit instead of just the juice gives it a bit of body.

...We're reaching back for this, y'all -

So in the 1940s or 1950s or thereabouts, a food writer named Clementine Paddleford apparently went all around the country collecting recipes for a big "all-American cookbook" kind of project. It got published then, went out of print, languished a while, then got reprinted in 2011 - and that is how I discovered that my great grandmother was one of the contributors. (No one else in my family knew about this either; I bought up a shit-ton of copies and gave it to everyone for Christmas that year.) Ms. Paddleford notes that this spiced cranberry-orange compote is "to be served as dessert and cold as zero".

Mrs. Edward L. Bartholomew's Spiced Cranberry-Orange Compote

1 cup water
2 cups sugar
5 whole cloves
2 2-inch cinnamon sticks
3 large seedless oranges - peeled, white pith removed, and sliced 1/2 inch thick
4 cups fresh cranberries

Combine water, sugar, cloves, and cinnamon sticks in a large saucepan. Place over medium-high heat, bring to boil, and boil for 5 minutes. Add the orange slices, lower the heat to medium-low, and simmer for 3 minutes. Add the cranberries and continue to simmer for 5 to 8 minutes, until the liquid becomes syrupy and the cranberry skins pop open. Pour into a bowl, cover, and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

Serve topped with whipped cream, or use as a toping for chocolate cake, pound cake, or vanilla ice cream, if you like. Serves 4.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:19 AM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]

Root Ribbons

Peel 1-2 sweet potatoes and 3 parsnips.

Then using a peeler or a mandoline, peel into long ribbons as wide as you can accomplish.

Fry in vegetable oil.

Tell people, "It's parsnips and sweet potatoes" with an earnest tone of voice that makes it sound healthy.
posted by Mchelly at 9:52 AM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

Best goddamn candied yams of all time:

1 big-ass can of yams
1 can sliced peaches
1 can chopped pineapple
1/2 stick of salted butter
1 bag baby marshmallows
brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg (all to taste)
pecans if you like them

Open your cans, drain your fruit (reserving the liquid), dump it all into a big bowl. Sprinkle liberally with brown sugar, and throw in some cinnamon and nutmeg to your personal preferences. Mix well so that everything is coated with seasoning, and drizzle a little of the canning liquids over it. Toss the mixture into a baking dish and level it out, then dot the mixture with little chunks of butter from your half stick. Cover the whole thing with baby marshmallows, chuck it in a 350 degree oven until it's warm and bubbly and the marshmallows are browned.

If you like pecans, toast some and throw them into the fruit/yam mixture before topping with marshmallows and baking. SO GOOD.

You are welcome.
posted by palomar at 10:15 AM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

We were not a thanksgiving family and we never really took to traditional dishes so I think we went out to eat a lot of the time. For the last 15 years or so my mom and I have gone to Fromin’s deli and celebrated there. I always get the same thing, scrambled eggs with hard Jewish salami.

1) Cut off a few slices of hard Jewish salami (it must be the wrinkly kind) and then cut into thin strips. In a small sauté pan, warm the salami over low heat.

2) Meanwhile, scramble two or three eggs. Add the warmed salami and mix it up with the eggs.

3) Over low heat, melt a bit of butter in the sauté pan. When it stops bubbling, add the eggs and salami and scramble slowly until the eggs are set to your preference.

Happy Thanksgiving!
posted by Room 641-A at 10:49 AM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

I present my stoic Minnesota family recipe for "cranberry fluff" which is required at Thanksgiving and Christmas:

1-2 bags cranberries
1 bag mini marshmallows
1-2 tubs of Cool Whip
1 can crushed pineapple
Walnuts or pecans

The day before, chop up the cranberries, add sugar (it's ambiguous on purpose, I like it sour-er but this is good Midwestern "salad" so uh, go nuts) and let it sit overnight.

In the morning, several hours before serving, add all the other stuff, mix it up good, and let it marinate until the marshmallows soak up the fruity stuff and it looks like Jello salad without the jello.

My wife is still horrified with this recipe every year but it's not Thanksgiving without a pile o' fluff on your plate.
posted by nakedmolerats at 11:10 AM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm taking a break from food prep to share with you how I am preparing turkey this year.

You will need:
2 turkeys, one about 12 lbs and one about 15 lbs
2 quarts of lard
Onions, carrots, celery
Dried mushrooms
Bay leaves
Parsley and thyme
Tomato paste
Hog casings, about 15 ft.
1 lb fat back
1/4 tsp pink salt
3 tsp fresh thyme leaves
Garlic (what, you measure your garlic? I dunno, half a head or something)
1/4 c. chicken stock mixed with 1/4 c. red wine

Tuesday night (I guess you'll need a time machine, too):
Take the larger bird, remove all the giblets and bits from the cavity, and thoroughly dry with paper towels. Coat heavily with salt all over. Set on a cooling rack placed in a half sheet pan and put, uncovered, in your refrigerator.

Preheat the oven to 375.

Take the smaller bird, remove the giblets and bits, and dry thoroughly. Part the bird out - remove breasts, legs, and wings, split the legs, and remove the tips from the wings. Take the carcass, wing tips, giblets and bits (from both birds) and rub all over with olive oil. Place in the oven for about an hour or until well browned.

Meanwhile, pull out your slow cooker and place all of the lard in to it. Turn the slow cooker on hi for about an hour to melt the lard. Salt all of the dark meat parts - two drumsticks, two thighs, and two wings - and then place in the liquid fat. Cook on low for about 6 hours or until falling apart tender.

Meanwhile meanwhile, grab about three each onions, celery stalks, and carrots. Quarter the onions with the skins on, and break apart the celery and carrots in to large pieces. Rub with oil and tomato paste (maybe a tablespoon? I squeezed out all that was left in the tube) and throw in to the oven for about an hour or until browned and fragrant.

Once the things in the oven are browned enough, add them to a large pot and cover with water. (I deliberately put the veg in the oven later because I wanted to give the turkey extra time by itself simmering.) Bring to a simmer for about six hours, and as you remember them add a couple bay leaves, a handful of dried mushrooms, and some whole black peppercorn. Throw parsley and thyme in to the pot about an hour before you think the stock will be done. When it is finally done, strain out the solids, return the liquid to the stove, and reduce to... a couple of cups? I may throw some extra gelatin in there for more body later, who knows.

While the stock is doing its thing, remove the skin from the turkey breasts. Reduce the oven to 325, cut the skin in two approximately 2"x2" pieces, toss with a generous helping of salt and pepper, and place on a parchment-lined sheet pan. Place another piece of parchment on top, and then press another sheet pan on top of that so you get a sheet pan sandwich. Put that in the oven for about an hour or until the skin has rendered and is crispy and brown. Let cool, then place in a small bowl for snacking.

Take the breasts and fat back and cut in to large dice. Mix about 2 tbsp kosher salt with the pink salt, 1 tbsp ground pepper, thyme leaves, and roughly chopped garlic. Toss the seasonings with the meat and fat and place in the freezer until just crispy but not totally frozen.

Remove your meat from the freezer, pass through the fine die of a meat grinder, then add the liquid and beat with the paddle of a stand mixture until sticky and cohesive, about one minute. Stuff in to hog casings, form six inch links, and then place all of that on a cooling rack set in a sheet pan and put it in the fridge.

Fire up your favorite smoker to 325 and add some nice hardwood chunks of your choosing. Take the larger bird, place sage leaves under the skin, and then brush the skin with oil or butter. Smoke the whole turkey and the sausages until done (160 for the sausages and about 160-165 for the bird). Sausages may only take 30-60 minutes, and the whole bird should take about three hours.

Reheat the confit in a low oven. Thicken the stock with a roux if necessary. Carve bird.

2-3 lb turkey confit
5 lb turkey sausage
15 lb smoked turkey
2-3 ounces crispy turkey skin snacks
1-ish quart turkey gravy
posted by backseatpilot at 11:24 AM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]


- The recipe on the back of the can of Libby's Pumpkin
- 1 tablespoon of corn starch per pie
posted by Soliloquy at 12:18 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

I am making these croissants (to go with my partner's already-made bacon jam) for a good friend's family Thanksgiving tomorrow, and then on Friday, I am making Boston cream pie, a gluten free vegan lemon drizzle cake, and a chocolate Swiss roll cake (but with peppermint bark vodka in the cream filling) for the three Friendsgivings that are happening that day. I love baking and I just made my very first creme patisserie this morning (for the filling in the Boston cream pie) and it came out beautifully and I'm very excited.
posted by WidgetAlley at 1:14 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

Oh and last night I made this summer squash tart because I went to Goodwill unsupervised and bought a beautiful tart pan and my brain tried to be like, "When will you ever need a tart pan, Widget?" and my response was to say "RIGHT NOW I'M MAKING A TART FOR DINNER IT'S NEARLY THANKSGIVING TIME TO BE FANCY".

it's really good
posted by WidgetAlley at 1:16 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

My partner always loved his (now-ex) mother-in-law's cranberry jello salad recipe, and she shared it with me this year so I could keep up the tradition:

Stir 3 small packages of raspberry jello into 3 cups of boiling water.
Add 2 cans of cranberry sauce with whole cranberries. Stir until the cranberry sauce has melted into the hot jello.
Add 32 ounces of crushed pineapple, well-drained.
Add 1 can of sweet cherries in dark syrup (drained).
Add chopped walnuts to taste.
Chill until gelled.

I was kind of horrified at the idea of jello salad, but I have to say this is pretty darn tasty.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 1:35 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

It breaks with the usual tradition of cooking with new world foods for Thanksgiving, but I make succotash with edamame instead of lima beans. It's 2 parts edamame, 1 part corn, 1 part sautéed diced red pepper and red onion together, s&p to taste. To make it more hearty, add bacon lardons and a spoonful or two of brown sugar.
posted by peeedro at 1:42 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

Because they are such a hit at my family gatherings, and because they were a hit at my Friendsgiving last weekend, I'm sharing my aunt's recipe for cheese grits. I make no claims of authentic southern-ness, nor do they really have cheese.

1. Cook 1 cup of grits according to directions. 2. When finished stir in: 1/4 lb butter, 2/3 lb of Velveeta, 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp Lowery's seasoning.
3. Once cheese & butter is melted in: Stir in 2 eggs.
4. Place in 2 qt casserole dish.
5. Bake 90 mins @ 275°F.

I made a double recipe in a large cast-iron Dutch oven, and baked it a little higher (325° I think?) And they turned out great. I've got a picture, I'll try and post it later, when I'm not getting on a plane
posted by god hates math at 1:46 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

Soliloquy, does the cornstarch give a smoother pie filling or what? I am perpetually trying to punch up that classic Libby's recipe, in the vain belief that I can achieve some magical peak pumpkin pie, but have yet to really improve upon it, aside from upping the spices.
posted by yasaman at 2:02 PM on November 22, 2017

We're having friendsgiving on Saturday and I've been instructed to "make a salad" but that sounds boring. Maybe I'll steal something from this thread unless you have a killer salad idea. Needs to feed six adults and possibly a greedy cat (not mine).

Also, I just realized that I do not own a salad bowl.
posted by AFABulous at 3:35 PM on November 22, 2017

So, my PITA daughter decided together with her therapist that the best strategy to achieving better control of her diet is to make a weekly menu plan and ONLY KEEP A WEEK'S WORTH OF FOOD IN THE HOUSE. The two main problems with this strategy are that (a) I tend to be a just-short-of-Mormon-levels food stockpiler, and (b) she lives in my house. So we've spent the last month not going to the grocery store at all except for the barest of bare essentials (milk, basically, because coffee) and it just so happens that we've hit the tail end of the main ingredients right about now. So my little Thanksgiving "feast" for tomorrow needs to somehow materialize out of a couple of links of Polish sausage, quite a bit of assorted cheeses, a block of tofu, far too many tortillas, a can of baked beans, a box of corn muffin mix, 4 eggs, a couple cans of garbanzo beans, a can of yams, a half-bag of frozen broccoli, one onion, a whole bag of frozen spinach, about 10 baby carrots, a few cans of assorted Chunky-type soups, sour cream, and assorted things like bagels, bread, olives, nuts, elbow macaroni, rice, and all the usual condiments and oils and vinegars and stuffs. Oh yes. I'm also trying to low-carb. I am determined not to go to the store until Friday, when I have been given permission to finally go to the store and buy 1 week's worth of groceries for our planned menu.

Whatever happens tomorrow must remain forever a secret.
posted by drlith at 4:51 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

We're having friendsgiving on Saturday and I've been instructed to "make a salad" but that sounds boring. Maybe I'll steal something from this thread unless you have a killer salad idea.

Sister EC! Bring out the Holy Hand Gre - I mean, the Sacred Moosewood Salad Book!

Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.....

(EC slowly walks in, holding the Moosewood Daily Special aloft like a Monstrance)

A reading from the Sacred Moosewood Daily Special Book, which I have thus recommended for lo these many years to guide others in thy plight, for it does contain naught but soups and salads.

First: the Bulgur Grape Salad.

2 cups raw bulghur
2 1/2 cups boiling water
1 cucumber
1 red bell pepper
1 cup minced onions
2 cups walnut halves
2 cups seedless red grapes

Soak thou the bulghur in the hot water inside a bowl, for 20 minutes. Whilst the bulghur is to soak, peelest thou the cucumber and chop it into bits; do thou the same chopping with the pepper, and combinest thou these vegetables together with the onions in another bowl.

Toast thou the walnuts in an oven at 350 degrees for 5 minutes. No more minutes shalt thou toast the walnuts than five. Five shall be the minutes of thy toasting. Then choppest thou the now-toasted walnuts. Cuttest the grapes into halves, and addest these grapes and walnuts to the bowl which holds the cucumbers and the peppers.

Makest thou a dressing with 1/4 cup each of olive oil and lemon juice, adding 2 teaspoons each of ground cumin and coriander and 1 teaspoon each of salt and pepper.

Place everything in a refrigerator until all is cold. Then combinest thou all these mixtures into the same bowl, so the three have become one in thy salad. Serve this thy salad on a simple bed of lettuce.

Second Reading:


1 teaspoon grated orange peel
juice of one orange, plus enough water to make 1 cup
1/3 cup sugar
12 ounces fresh cranberries
1/2 cup currants

Combinest thou the orange peel and juice and sugar in a pan. You may also, if thou desirest, add some grated fresh ginger. Heat until it is simmering and the sugar has thus dissolved. Wash thou the cranberries, puttest out any which have mushy bits, and dumpest thou the non-mushy cranberries into the sugar and bring to low boil. Leave to boil thus for five minutes, then addest thou the currants. Cook another 5 minutes until thou hearest the cranberries doth pop. Takest thou the pan from the heat.

Takest thou two good tart apples and two firm ripe pears. Cuttest thou these fruits into chunks - you may also peel them, if thou desirest - and place in a bowl. Combinest thou one tablespoon each of water and lemon juice, pour this mixture over thy fruits and toss, so as to ensure thy fruits do not turn brown but remain their own pure white.

Dole out these fruits into thy family's bowls, and ladle a goodly amount of the cranberry dressing on top. If thou desirest, thou mayest add some chopped nuts or some slices of a banana.

....The Sacred Moosewood Daily Special Book.

(EC bows, turns, and leaves, carrying the book aloft again. The chanting monks follow her out.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:10 PM on November 22, 2017 [12 favorites]

As resident pie-maker and overworked physician, my wife kindly offered to do the pies since it’s *her* seven family members who are stuffed into our little house. My planned recipe was:

4 ounces Maker’s Mark

Pour into glass. Watch DVR of Sounders game from last night.

Then I got home to discover wife out for pedicures with nieces. When she got home just now, I asked her what her pie dough chilling plans were and then watched 10 minutes of lunacy unfold in the kitchen. Honey, you’ve had a busy day, why don’t you let me take over...

First, find a seven year old. A family member you rarely see is preferable but any seven year old who wants to help will suffice. Then, direct them to:

Put 2 1/2 cups flour into stand mixer
Put 1/2 teaspoon salt into stand mixer
Cut 1 cup of butter into 1 cm cubes. (Wait, how are you gonna measure a stick when it won’t fit in the cup? Oh! It says right there on the wrapper!)
Add one at a time while mixer is on #2

Does it look like dough yet? Oh no! We’ve ruined Thanksgiving! What can we do? Oh yeah you’re right, maybe add a little water! Maybe use this bowl of ice water right here? Ok 1 spoon at a time... did that work? Ok, how about a couple more? Yes! Pie dough like magic!

Ok, roll it into two really smooth balls, like bowling balls. No, you don’t need the three holes. Ok, smash it down into a disc onto this plastic wrap. Put it into the frig and we’ll finish later.

Ok, now while I’m cutting the apples, you go and get that bottle of brown liquid and pour a tall glass for your uncle.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:51 PM on November 22, 2017 [8 favorites]

Slarty, way ahead of you on your original recipe (except Jim Beam this evening).

Okay, y'all, I got two recipes coming down the pike, both are good Southern dishes, they take a bare minimum of prep, and they're delightful.

3-4 cans green beans
2-3 cans cream-of-whateverthefuck (celery, mushroom, not chicken though)
canned fried onions

Drain green beans, mix in cream-of-soups (the right amount of soup is "is everything coated but not totally covered"), and top with the onions (yes, before you start baking it, I want those damn things crispy) and a liberal sprinkling or grinding of pepper.

350* for 45 minutes or until the onions are just about to burn.

OYSTER CASSEROLE (it's not oyster dressing):
2 cans of oysters
1 sleeve of crackers, crushed
1 stick margarine or butter
enough milk or cream to make it soupy
black pepper (to taste)

350* until it's all bubbly.
posted by deezil at 6:38 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

rosemary-orange asparagus (or green beans)
warning - takes 2 days to do it right, but only about 15-20 minutes actual work
If I show up to a potluck without this I get asked about it all night

stuff to buy: get some asparagus. the thin, angel-hair asparagus if you can find it, not that woody stuff. If that can't be found try whole green beans. Any stick-like green thing will come out good. for each asparabunch or pound of green beans, you'll need one orange, a bunch of fresh rosemary, and the bigger sized can of frozen orange juice concentrate.

implements of destruction: big pot for boiling, big and medium mixing bowls, something you can use to get stuff out of boiling water without burning yourself. something you can set to beep in 45 seconds. A knife, a microplane or other zesting instrument, and a gallon sized heavy freezer bag with a totally non trade marked zipper closure. Also something pretty to serve it on (it looks nice on an oval shape) and with (I use little tongs that I think are meant for ice?).

2 days before, put the OJ in the fridge to thaw
1 day before:
wash and trim the green sticks of whichever sort.
Boil a big ol' pot of water with a good pinch of salt
while that's getting to a boil, put your biggest mixing bowl in the sink and fill it halfway with ice and water
(If you get the heebie jeebies watching the pot boil you can skip ahead to putting everything but the green sticks into the zipper bag while you wait)
dump the green sticks into the boiling water for 45 seconds - you can do this in batches if you have a smaller pot or a lot of green sticks
scoop the green sticks out of the boiling water and drop them in the ice water
poke them all down and add more cold water if needed to get them covered

get your zipper bag, stand it up open in the other bowl so it doesn't flop all over and make a mess while you fill it
pour the OJ in the bag
put the rosemary in there too
zest the orange into the bag
cut the orange into quarters and then smush them as you put them in the bag
wash all the sticky orange off your hands
now put the green sticks in - be sure to shake off the water
seal the bag really well
woosh the stuff around and get it all mixed up
put it in the fridge, lying flat is best if you have room

every time you open the fridge for anything over the next day, woosh the stuff in the bag and flip it over

final prep
open the bag just a little and drain out as much juice as you can. if there's any kids or bros around, dare them to drink the juice, otherwise toss it out.
If you are going to a potluck stop here, take the bag and your nice plate with you

Serving suggestion
pour the contents of the bag out into your nice dish
either pick out the rosemary branches and orange peel or arrange them artistically depending on whether anyone is dumb/drunk enough to try eating the garnish
posted by buildmyworld at 6:40 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

Some of you may be dining in the vicinity of CHILDREN, who may not appreciate a slice of roast flesh as they are ingrates. If you might make some sort of sauce, of a fun and familiar fruit, they might dunk their little pieces of your marvelous roast into it to disguise the mastery of your meat-cookery.

So if you, like I, must pretend to enjoy the company of squalling little ragamuffin rugrats to keep your inheritance intact, this recipe is for you!



* Two big apples sweet (Gala)
* Two big apples tart (Granny Smith)
* Two big apples apple tasting kinda sweet (Cortland)
* Two big apples apple tasting kinda tart (Macintosh)
(This is a very rough guide. Two sweet, two tart, two mellow, two weird. Explore your apples!)
* 1/4 Cup brown sugar
* 1/4 Cup maple syrup (The GOOD stuff, Grade A ,Dark and Robust!)
* 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
* 2 tbsp decent apple cider vinegar
* 1 (3-inch) strip orange peel, and the juice of the orange it came from
* 1tsp cinnamon powder or a whole buncha cinnamon sticks
* 1/2 tsp allspice


1) Core the apples, and then chop ‘em up a bit. LEAVE THE SKINS ON. Yeah, you heard me.
2) Dump the apples along with the rest of the junk into a slow-cooker liner bag. Mix it up good with a spatula or your well-washed hands.
3) Put the liner bag on an actual slow cooker overnight on low for six hours, or if you’re daring “keep warm."
4) Dump the delicious-smelling hot mushyness into a big mixing bowl, and hit it hard with a stick blender. If you have not a stick blender, dump it into an actual blender. Hit it hard regardless.
5) Muse on how it looks watery now, but the pectin from the skins will firm it right up as it chills. If it’s too pasty, a splash of water and a dollop of Maple Grade A Dark and Robust will cure what ails ya.
6) Chill and serve, wallow in more unexpected inheritances as the sticky little brats gobble up your dire concoction, dunking bits of this roast or that into it. Tiny brutes!
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:56 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]

I'm making two dishes to take to our friendsgiving dinner tomorrow:

1) Carrots Roasted with Smoked Paprika
2) Pati Jinich's Sweet Potato and Pecan Puree with chipotle adobo sauce and crema
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:19 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

ABFABulous, if you have a large casserole this can be subbed in for the communal salad bowl.
posted by brujita at 8:30 PM on November 22, 2017

that is a great typo of my name :D
posted by AFABulous at 8:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

posted by Celsius1414 at 8:50 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

TBH, it is only this moment when I realized it's not ABFABulous. I mean, there's this mental icon I keep for a lot of MeFite regulars, and two women in unreasonable heels at a metro station swigging chardonnay from the bottle somehow wound up as yours. Sorry.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:17 PM on November 22, 2017 [9 favorites]

ahahaha in actuality I am a dude with a scruffy beard in a baseball cap and well-worn jeans sitting around a campfire in the mountains drinking beer (not right now, unfortunately, but you get the picture).

I am gay, though.
posted by AFABulous at 10:51 PM on November 22, 2017 [10 favorites]

What I do with rutabaga:

Cube/dice. One large or two small rutabaga (all the root veggies can be roasted first, the flavor is nice. I’m usually in a hurry to get vegetables from their raw to their cooked forms on a CSA day)
Cube/dice one or two large carrots
Cube/dice one or two gold or other intermediate potatoes
Cube dice one apple if you have on hand
Prep 4 to 6 cups of hot chicken or vegetable stock, depending on how thick you like you soup and how many of each veggie you added. The potatoes will ticken things up a bit
Sauté or sweet some quantity and combination of onions/leeks/garlic/shallot (whatever we get in the CSA with the rutabaga, I like a lot of garlic, start with at least two cloves of garlic, but use your own judgment here) add some thyme to the sauté. If you’re going to fish the stems out of hot soup, feel free to not separate the tiny annoying leaves. If you’re not going to search your soup for vegetation, enlist someone to pluck the thyme. Or you can use sage. Or dried herbs. Ofnusing dried, remember to use a smaller quantity than of fresh.

Once all your aromatics are nice and soft, but not browned, dump in all your cubes veggies and your hot stock. Bring to a boil (you see why hot is better than cold/room temperature?) until your potato and rutabaga cubes are easily pierced.

Make smooth with an immersion blender. If no immersion blender, cool the soup and blend in regular blender.

Add a splash of cream to your bowl if you want. This can be served over rice.

If you miscalculated, and/or want a thicker soup, you can use cornstarch to thicken. Put a few tablespoons or a 1/4 cup of hot soup in a coffee mug or small bowl, stir in a tablespoon of cornstarch. When smooth, return to the pot, bring to a full boil for a minute or two. Decrease heat and watch the texture. IF needed, repeat.
posted by bilabial at 5:26 AM on November 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

oh. If you’re roasting the veggies, don’t worry about cubing or dicing them. I usually just cube because it’s a pile of veggies and while someone who is good with a knife wouldn’t mind the extra two dozen cuts to transform the pile into dice, I cut my thumb really well in August and would not like to repeat having a flap of myself sewn back on. Like, ever.

Dice does make things soften up faster when boiling though, obviously. Take your chances either way.
posted by bilabial at 5:33 AM on November 23, 2017

In honor of the FPP on forgotten fruits, I give you my family's persimmon pudding recipe.

1 1/2 C sugar
2 C flour
2 C milk
2 eggs
1/2 C lard (or shortening)
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 t cinnamon
1/2 t allspice
1/2 t salt
1/2 t nutmeg
1 T baking powder
2 C persimmon pulp

Cream sugar and lard together, add eggs and persimmon pulp. Sift all dry ingredients together and add to mixture alternatively with milk. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 1 hour. Serve warm with whipped cream or wait for it to cool and cut into bars.
posted by nolnacs at 5:52 AM on November 23, 2017 [4 favorites]

This year I was excited to discover Swedish apple pie, which has no bottom crust and a cinnamon sugar cookie top crust. Or to slice it another way, it's an apple crisp topped with snickerdoodles instead of oats. It's the best.

I'm also excited about pecan pie made with caramels instead of corn syrup. (That recipe has you unwrap individual caramels, but you can just get unwrapped caramel bits. Also it leaves out the chopped dark chocolate for some reason.) Not sure why, but I found it was less dense than my usual pecan pie -- more like a caramel custard than a hit of solid corn syrup. Which could be a plus or minus, but it worked for me.
posted by john hadron collider at 6:21 AM on November 23, 2017 [8 favorites]

This year I discovered crispy fish skin, can be eaten without the salted egg yolk paste. I am hoarding a packet I managed to snag on the way out at the airport.
posted by infini at 9:21 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

A couple days ago I got an unexpected last-minute addition to join a couple I know and her mother today (I suspect there is a bit of "EC can help run interference with Mom" going on); they are getting the whole thing from Fresh Direct save the desserts. Their menu was squash-light, and i have two small carnival squash that I need to use up; they're small enough that one half a roast squash per person will be a nice addition, I say.

As for dessert, the guy is making bread pudding; he's a great baker, but bread pudding itself is a thing I'm not all that crazy about. So I asked if i could make something too.

Just had one out of my batch of these mini pumpkin-chocolate cheesecakes for quality-control purposes and yes, this works.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:36 AM on November 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

A few years ago we decided to try an alternative to the various often heavy sweet potato recipes and do this soup for Thanksgiving.

This can be served while the turkey is resting, or can be served a bit sooner if the turkey is taking longer than you expected, and people are getting hungry. It is easily made the day ahead or so and reheated. The key is to give people a cup of this soup, not a huge bowl, so as not to kill their appetites!

Sweet Potato And Leek Soup
Florence Fabricant

Time: 45 minutes, Yield: 8 servings

3 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 cups chopped leeks, white part only (4 to 6 leeks)
2 garlic cloves, minced or pressed
2 pounds sweet potatoes, peeled, in 1-inch dice
1 1/2 cups milk or half-and-half (or combo)
salt and pepper (use white pepper if you are feeling fancy)
1 tablespoon minced cilantro leaves for garnish (you can leave this out if you hate cilantro; we love cilantro so usually use more than the recipe calls for)

1. Melt butter in a heavy saucepan. Add leeks, and saute slowly over low heat until tender but not brown, about 10 minutes. Stir in garlic.

2. Add sweet potatoes and 3 cups water. Simmer about 20 minutes, until tender. Puree. (If making ahead, you can stop at this point and do the final steps on the day of).

3. Return puree to saucepan, add milk or half-and-half, bring to a simmer, add 1 to 1 1/2 cups more water to make soup no thicker than heavy cream. Season with salt and pepper and serve with a dusting of cilantro.
posted by gudrun at 10:54 AM on November 23, 2017 [8 favorites]

i am trying to read this whole thread but i keep going back to the 2 quarts of lard listed above and yelling 2 QUARTS OF LARD aloud in varying tones of dismay and delight
posted by poffin boffin at 11:22 AM on November 23, 2017 [7 favorites]

So I love Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving food (except turkey*), but I also lack willpower and lately I seem to spend Thanksgiving alone...this Thanksgiving I'm in a new town and the only people I know are my parents, but they went to Bakersfield to hang with the rest of the family. I wasn't willing to leave my cats for a week and I couldn't stomach the idea of hanging out with my Trumpist family members. So here I am.

Aaaanyway, as I said, I lack willpower. Or whatever willpower I have is directed at not drinking. I don't know. But suffice it to say that I have already cooked and eaten Thanksgiving dinner about five times in the past month. Especially stuffing and mashed potatoes.

So today I am making tagliatelle and meat sauce.

You can find your own recipe for tagliatelle...but here is my sauce recipe that's a strange cross between Marcella Hazan's simple tomato sauce and her recipe for Bolognese, tempered with my mom's hatred of tomato chunks.

1 28oz can of crushed tomatoes
1 15oz can of petite diced tomatoes
1 8oz can of tomato sauce
2oz tomato paste
1 yellow onion, peeled and halved
1/4 cup unsalted butter
1/4 cup olive oil
2 cups beef broth/stock/bouillon

Throw all that in a pot and set it to a low simmer. Then...

1/2 pound ground chuck
1/2 pound ground veal (or use more chuck)
1/2 pound ground pork
1/2 cup diced carrot
1/2 cup minced celery
1 sweet yellow onion, chopped
1 cup dry wine (red or white, whatevs)
minced garlic (to taste)
black pepper, bay leaf, oregano, basil, nutmeg (to taste)

Begin browning the meat in a skillet, then add the vegetables. Once the meat is cooked and the onions are translucent, add the wine, garlic, herbs, and spices and cook for a few minutes. Taste it...if it feels like something is missing, you might want to add a bit of sugar.

Then add the sauce to the meat or the meat to the sauce, depending on the size of your pot and skillet. Simmer on low while you make the tagliatelle. Then serve and eat. The end.

(*Turkey is kind of a weird afterthought at my family's Thanksgivings. My grandma won't eat poultry at all so ham is now the traditional holiday meat in my family. Anyway, sometime back in the 60s when my grandma invited my aunt's fiancé to Thanksgiving dinner he asked her to save him a drumstick. So on Thanksgiving day, Grandma pulled a prime rib out of the oven and carried it to the had two turkey legs sewed to it.)
posted by elsietheeel at 12:04 PM on November 23, 2017 [7 favorites]

does the cornstarch give a smoother pie filling or what?

Smoother, yes, and firms it up so that it doesn't seem like you're eating pumpkin spice flavored snot.
posted by Soliloquy at 6:05 PM on November 23, 2017

Megan Amram shares Paula Deen's Health Food Cookbook.

Sample recipes:



1 lb. bag of Skittles
3 cups ranch dressing


Mix well. Serve at room temperature.



1 dozen (12) Cadbury eggs
2 lbs. Frito crumbs
1 package extra-fat pork lard
1 pilaf Paula’s brown rice


Break the Cadbury eggs and harvest the crème-filled white centers. Dip them in the Frito crumbs. Put the lard (make SURE to get the extra-fat kind or it will be BLAND) in a frying pan on high heat, and fry the crème centers until golden-brown. Serve on a bed of Paula’s brown rice.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:18 PM on November 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

I️ realize I️ am late to this party, but:
You people doing raw cranberry sauce in the food processor are, well, heathens. I️ channel my grandmother and run the fresh cranberries and orange through an old-fashioned, hand-cranked meat grinder, alternating cut orange sections (skin still on) with cranberries. It makes a wonderful popping sound, and the smell is heavenly. Just before serving, add a half cup of chopped walnuts. Oh yes.
posted by dbmcd at 4:57 PM on November 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

i am trying to read this whole thread but i keep going back to the 2 quarts of lard listed above and yelling 2 QUARTS OF LARD aloud in varying tones of dismay and delight

You just need to imagine Jake and Elwood yelling back and forth at each other doing their little dances as the Divine Light hits them, "2 QUARTS OF LARD!"
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:10 PM on November 25, 2017

You people doing raw cranberry sauce in the food processor are, well, heathens. I️ channel my grandmother and run the fresh cranberries and orange through an old-fashioned, hand-cranked meat grinder, alternating cut orange sections (skin still on) with cranberries. It makes a wonderful popping sound, and the smell is heavenly.

I mean, if you have an old-fashioned meat grinder then use it, by all means, but your average 21st century home is not thus blessed.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:54 PM on November 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

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