Best Title Title

May 7, 2018 9:11 PM

I wasn't around when the Great Title Wars were fought, but I would have sided with The Man. I enjoy coming up with titles that are cheeky and somewhat obscure. I therefore propose a Best Title contest in May. I'll choose the winner by a proprietary method. The prize is fifty calling cards from MOO with your job title of choice and, optionally, a graphic on the reverse (I'm fond of The Wave Of The Future). Others are welcome to sponsor sub-Title contests such as Most Obscure Allusion, BestWorst Pun, etc. Let the entitling begin (or continue, as it were, it being the 8th and all).
posted by Johnny Wallflower to MetaFilter-Related at 9:11 PM (45 comments total)

Challenge accepted.
posted by Fizz at 9:55 PM on May 7, 2018

The title wars were already five years ago? Well. Good times.
posted by jeffamaphone at 10:37 PM on May 7, 2018 [4 favorites]

This is where I again rail at the unjustly short character limit for titles.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:11 PM on May 7, 2018 [3 favorites]

The title wars were already five years ago?

This is where I again rail at the unjustly short lifespan we have on this Earth. Ephemeral, just as I was getting used to it here... make me young again!
posted by Meatbomb at 1:47 AM on May 8, 2018 [4 favorites]

Competition promises to be fierce. Don't just assume you're entitled to the win.
posted by duffell at 5:33 AM on May 8, 2018 [1 favorite]

your job title of choice

Sometimes our database overwrites salutations with first names so I set up my record with something other than my name in the salutation field to keep track of what actions cause this, which is all well and good except that it means occasionally I am perplexed because I receive an email beginning "Dear Supreme Empress".
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:07 AM on May 8, 2018 [11 favorites]

My name often gets truncated, so I get a lot of snail mail addressed to "Dear Christ".
posted by cjorgensen at 7:11 AM on May 8, 2018 [6 favorites]

Haha, for this classic theme, no-title user, now I know that hovering over the comment count for the post title will be even more meaningless.
posted by frecklefaerie at 8:09 AM on May 8, 2018 [3 favorites]

I had some business cards printed up when I was in law school that listed my job title as "Reasonable Person". It was simultaneously a lawyer joke and a serious statement about what I felt I offered as an articling candidate.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:14 AM on May 8, 2018 [4 favorites]

I fought with your father in the title wars. He was the best poster on the blue, and a helpful presence on the Green. Before the dark theme. Before the Cabal.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:33 AM on May 8, 2018 [8 favorites]

I'll sponsor a contest!

I'll make a bookmark (see here for example, yours can have anything you want on it but be warned it'll be drawn cartoonishly) for whomever has at the end of the month what I deem to be the best title for an FPP tagged with "books".
posted by phunniemee at 8:48 AM on May 8, 2018 [3 favorites]

I fought with your father in the title wars. He was the best poster on the blue, and a helpful presence on the Green. Before the dark theme. Before the Cabal.

OK, but before I leave my uncle's farm and join the rebellion with you, can you just tell me ... you didn't cut off his arm and legs and leave him to die near a river of lava, by any chance?
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:11 AM on May 8, 2018 [7 favorites]

Argh, and I just posted a spider post with a "quick and dirty" title before seeing this. Think of the possibilities!
posted by blurker at 11:11 AM on May 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

This is where I again rail at the unjustly short character limit for titles.

This is why the....
"Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Peevishness For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Ire That Are Themselves The Mere Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Wrath"
...was always abbreviated:
"Mistake Not..."
posted by zarq at 11:46 AM on May 8, 2018 [2 favorites]

you didn't cut off his arm and legs and leave him to die near a river of lava, by any chance

At last, the hidden, dark truth of FIAMO comes out.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:03 PM on May 8, 2018

Others are welcome to sponsor sub-Title contests
Gosh, thanks.
posted by unliteral at 4:33 AM on May 9, 2018

unliteral, if you don't want to be in here, go be somewhere else instead, you don't have to get snippy with someone who's trying to be nice.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:16 AM on May 9, 2018 [3 favorites]

I was super-anti-title during the Wars but now I've come to love and respect them. Just me, or are the anti-titlers still firmly entrenched in their views?
posted by AFABulous at 9:22 AM on May 9, 2018 [1 favorite]

Wow, I was Snarky McSnarkerton back then.
posted by AFABulous at 9:27 AM on May 9, 2018

"I fought with your father in the title wars. He was the best poster on the blue, and a helpful presence on the Green. Before the dark theme. Before the Cabal."

I've seen titles you people wouldn't believe. Attack puns on fire off the shoulder of cortex. I watched inside jokes glitter in the dark of the modern dark theme. All those titles will be lost in server crashes, like tears in rain. Time to post.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 9:41 AM on May 9, 2018 [10 favorites]

I was super-anti-title during the Wars but now I've come to love and respect them. Just me, or are the anti-titlers still firmly entrenched in their views?

That's one of the few things I miss about Mefi of Long Ago. And they were Bigger on the Inside

I still constantly run up against the damned character limit.
posted by zarq at 9:49 AM on May 9, 2018

Stop trying to jam the Treaty of Westphalia in the text box then /s
posted by AFABulous at 10:25 AM on May 9, 2018

Just me, or are the anti-titlers still firmly entrenched in their views?

Yup. No titles for me.
posted by Melismata at 10:37 AM on May 9, 2018 [3 favorites]

(And classic background, too.)
posted by Melismata at 10:37 AM on May 9, 2018

AFABulous: "I was super-anti-title during the Wars but now I've come to love and respect them. Just me, or are the anti-titlers still firmly entrenched in their views?"

I've come around on titles too. I would say my burning hatred has softened to largely apathy, mixed with a certain amount of begrudging appreciation. I still don't like having to come up with them.
posted by crazy with stars at 10:48 AM on May 9, 2018

Stop trying to jam the Treaty of Westphalia in the text box then /s

In all seriousness, it's the sort of thing that probably affects less than 20% of my posts. But when it does, it's annoying and time consuming.
posted by zarq at 10:55 AM on May 9, 2018

You be the judge

I am on the bus to work, typing with one finger, can't post or comment from work and I won't have time until tonight to tl/dr them. In the meantime, start at the top, work your way down. I will catch up later.
posted by y2karl at 7:23 AM on May 10, 2018

I'm happy that at least one person caught my reference in the title of that post.
posted by exogenous at 8:05 AM on May 10, 2018

Is it worth perhaps promoting this a bit? Maybe with a banner? Not sure how many posters know this is going on.
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 9:12 AM on May 10, 2018 [2 favorites]

I tossed it on the sidebar just now!
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:55 AM on May 10, 2018 [1 favorite]

Yey! Thanks!
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 5:36 PM on May 10, 2018

This.

I snort laughed.
posted by Fizz at 8:15 AM on May 12, 2018

For this habit I used to get in trouble in the era before the Titles became visible.
posted by infini at 12:12 AM on May 13, 2018

This is my entry, do with it as you please.
posted by Fizz at 8:47 AM on May 16, 2018

Hey ... it's June! What title won the best title title?
posted by the quidnunc kid at 5:51 AM on June 1, 2018

"It's only just June," he said grumpily. "I'll have the answer shortly."
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 11:12 AM on June 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

To be fair to the quidnunc kid, in the antipodes it's been June for a week already.
posted by AFABulous at 11:15 AM on June 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

Thanks to the GDPR, we're still stuck on May 25th
posted by infini at 11:38 AM on June 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

There were quite a few great titles last month, with many repeat offenders multiple-entry contestants. They fell into three main categories: Puns, Allusions and Graphics.

Puns

Many of these overlap with the Allusions category, but I capricously chose to list them here. fearfulsymmetry is a strong contender with three entries: Antcheater, Armagammon and vin extraordinaire. Right behind him is Rumple with Put your money where your Malthus and the triple-entendre I browse MetaFilter.

Filling out the category are

• the man of twists and turns with superphreak;
• mandolin conspiracy with Insane in the mem-drain...;
• 445supermag with One-bonacci, two-bonacci, three-bonacci...;
• roger ackroyd with the shape of wafer;
• y2karl with Meet the Beetles!;
• Fizz with htmHELL and
• deezil with Cow Trippin'.

Allusions

Solid punster the man of twists and turns dominated this category with three entries: Pretium iustum mathematicum, licet soli, Deo notum (which nearly required its own category for Most Obscure Connection), MEGAFAUNIZE AMERICAN GRASSLANDS AGAIN and "Using Ludwig van like that!". mandolin conspiracy shows up here as well with This wheel's on fire....

The other finalists are

• WCityMike with The Dark Writer Returns;
• JoeZydeco with Hi there! This is, um, Skynet.;
• BuddhaInABucket with What does the fox say about *this*? and
• The Gaffer with Love in a time of multiple equilibria.

Graphics

Fizz is an egregious and shameless abuser of title emoji. He's also pretty self-aggrandizing for a Canadian because he suggested his own entry, 😭🔪👠👿🖤 (which I guess is completely obvious if one plays those video games that the kids these days love so much). Iridic titled his card game-themed post well with ♣ ♢ ♠ ♡. And cortex gets a mention for [+] - - - --->!!!<--- - - - [-], mainly for the backend tomfoolery with the URL. As leader of the Cabal, however, he is disqualified from participating.


✉️ And the winner is… 📃 the shape of wafer by roger ackroyd. The combination of pun and allusion is dear to my heart. Plus, the post is about sugary treats which also affect my heart. MeMail me to collect the prize of fifty calling cards from MOO with your job title of choice.

Thanks to everyone for indulging my desire for a silly contest.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:27 PM on June 2, 2018 [12 favorites]

Good titlin' everybody!
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:18 AM on June 3, 2018

I'll make a bookmark for whomever has at the end of the month what I deem to be the best title for an FPP tagged with "books".

OK! So this wasn't a popular tag. Only 3 FPPs got a books tag in May, and only one of them came after this contest was announced. I've expanded it to include book, books, library, read, reading, write, and writing. This brings it up to 10 total in the pool.

The prize goes to WCityMike for The Dark Writer Returns.

Yay! WCityMike, watch your memail! I'll need your dumb bookmark doodle request and an address to send it to!
posted by phunniemee at 8:52 AM on June 3, 2018

Not that your bookmark request will be done, just that my execution of it certainly will be.

Expectations managed!
posted by phunniemee at 8:57 AM on June 3, 2018

*dumb.

READ BEFORE YOU POST, PHUNNIEMEE, JESUS.
posted by phunniemee at 9:06 AM on June 3, 2018 [1 favorite]

Done and Doner
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:20 AM on June 3, 2018

Good title for a kebab story
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:21 AM on June 3, 2018 [4 favorites]