I like your favourites May 9, 2018 7:37 AM   Subscribe

I unfortunately am aware of the academic research around "likes" and the equivalent. But, metafilter favourites carry more weight with me, even than family likes on facebook, because you guys (apart from H00py, and the tenth anniversary 3 monkeys people) don't know me or owe me. So when you favourite something I post here, which is much much more than .

I tell the world in general, whether it's about mental health or feminism or being on the spectrum, or cat furniture (puttting paper on an otherwise empty floor so cats will feel driven to sit on it -way way before the internet viral tape your cat into a circle), I feel accepted as me. I look to see who gave me their favourite, I look at their recent posts and comments and almost always I say, well, gee, X is actually rather supercool and they got something out of my ramblings. And if a supercool person can like what I say, maybe I'm saying good stuff and should keep saying it, and so I do. I say more in this world than I do in my 3d world. (Autism, anxietym depression blah yada blah). You guys give me a voice. If I tell the real world important things, it's often because I said it here first, not censoring or editing myself.

And now shout out to the mods and mathowie for making this the kind of space it is. I moderated a much smaller place (about 150 people) last century and I learnt a fuck of a lot about being a decent human being by moderating, but I wish I had had the example of metafilter back then (though I'm still in touch with about 40 of those people, and some of the babies that happened are having their own.)

Mods, maybe too soppy. I'm having a better night than usual. Feel free not to post
posted by b33j to MetaFilter-Related at 7:37 AM (78 comments total) 78 users marked this as a favorite

I'm glad you're having a good night, and this is a nice thing to let folks know. Little bits of appreciation and positive energy, they make a big difference!
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:40 AM on May 9 [13 favorites]


I know the feeling. The other day I got a rare fave from jessamyn!

I also like getting favorites from people I know just because it's like a little hello and it lets me know they're hanging out on the site.

MetaFilter has also helped me find and accept myself, too. I've learned a lot about self acceptance and how to try to keep on bettering oneself.
posted by loquacious at 7:46 AM on May 9 [20 favorites]


Haha, this reminds me of when I first joined MetaFilter, which was around the time I first joined social media and I seemed to not understand how likes or favourites worked. This led to all kinds of hilarious vanity actions such as my favouriting all of my own posts or liking my own comments.

I'm pretty loose with my favourites because it's a way for me to just let someone know that I appreciate a thing they made or a thing they said. There are situations where I feel like I'm not in a place where I can comment, so I want to at the very least acknowledge that I appreciate their contributions to our community.

There are also those who just say it better than I ever would, so liking their comments is my way of expressing gratitude for their making the conversation more interesting.

Our time on this earth is too short and it goes by too quickly, so share your likes and favs.
posted by Fizz at 8:06 AM on May 9 [32 favorites]


Also, how fun is h00py IRL? You know you're pretty lucky in MeFi terms with the IRL meet, no? I know a lot of MeFites would like to meet her, blast the antipodes. She's always been a favorite.
posted by loquacious at 8:07 AM on May 9 [3 favorites]


Also, this is an open invitation to DM me whenever you're in the Niagara region of Ontario Canada. Hit me up and we'll go for a beverage of your choice. Cheers.
posted by Fizz at 8:09 AM on May 9 [7 favorites]


I also like getting favorites from people I know just because it's like a little hello and it lets me know they're hanging out on the site.
Oh my, yes!
posted by crush at 9:01 AM on May 9 [9 favorites]


I love all the drive-by hello favorites! And the favorites that say, Hey, we hear you and we're cheering for you!
posted by mochapickle at 9:34 AM on May 9 [8 favorites]


I love all the drive-by hello favorites!

I'm also a big fan of just sending someone a polite "Thanks for your post." via DM. It's a very quick connection and it's direct. I know I always appreciate when I get these kinds of messages in my box.
posted by Fizz at 9:41 AM on May 9 [12 favorites]


I look at other people's favorites! Sometimes randomly but a few people's on a regular basis because they tend to be in threads I may have passed on at a glance, and they have impeccable taste.
posted by lalex at 9:59 AM on May 9 [9 favorites]


But, metafilter favourites carry more weight with me, even than family likes on facebook, because you guys... don't know me or owe me.

So, true for me, too, mostly*

And Metafilter doesn't have tiny blue thumbs or golden handwaves. So, depending on what I've posted or said in a comment, it can mean a lot. And from who it came: a languagehat favorite can make my day.

*On the other hand, I make one cleverly formatted comment in a political daily thread for the first time and it is the second most favorited thing I said ?

Oh, sure, me shoots, me scores, on one hand, but is a driveby thwack of President Never-Read-a-Book Mr. Bottomless Well of Need Potato Head what what I want to be remembered for here ?

I think not.
posted by y2karl at 10:40 AM on May 9 [5 favorites]


(I only use favorites as bookmarks, so please, no one take it personally. I worry about that sort of thing, given how much emotion some others have invested in them--just for my own purposes and peace of mind, I prefer the bookmark function.)
posted by theatro at 11:11 AM on May 9 [11 favorites]


I started using "recent activity" lately and clicking "add to activity" on threads and my level of enjoyment of the site has changed so much.

Tracking Favorites are validating and a fun way to see how comments that I have favorited are "doing", but moving over to "recent activity" has been a huge improvement for my interaction with the site in terms of my own feels and stuff.
posted by Annika Cicada at 12:32 PM on May 9 [7 favorites]


I look at other people's favorites!

I like to go to a user's profile, click on "Favorited by others", and then sort by popularity. It's an easy way of seeing which posts and comments of theirs resonated with people the most.
posted by bondcliff at 1:05 PM on May 9 [4 favorites]


This is a good post and you should feel good.
If you want to and can, of course. No pressure.
posted by Too-Ticky at 1:49 PM on May 9 [10 favorites]


I unfortunately am aware of the academic research around "likes" and the equivalent

Wait, I'm not! What's the research?
posted by holborne at 1:54 PM on May 9 [4 favorites]


What's fun is when you notice the same person favorite your comments over and over, usually someone I've never interacted with but I'm always intrigued that they seem to like and/or agree with me so much. Do we have a lot in common? Would I like them in real life? Maybe we'd get along famously.

Or maybe they've got a hate crush on me and just favorite my stuff so they can go back to it and refuel their rage from time to time...
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:03 PM on May 9 [21 favorites]


I totally have favorites that I'm like secretly proud of because I really admire the people who gave them.
posted by augustimagination at 2:50 PM on May 9 [8 favorites]


I try to favorite a lot, but I definitely favorite anything that makes me laugh out loud.
posted by chavenet at 2:56 PM on May 9 [11 favorites]


AAAA I GOT ANOTHER FAVORITE FROM JESSAMYN

Psst, hey, currently offering one jessamyn favorite for two quonsars or #1 quidnunc kids, or maybe three IRFHs.
posted by loquacious at 3:09 PM on May 9 [8 favorites]


Awww you guys. And H00py is awesome fun. We met here but we were living like less than a mile from each other and one of us said let's take public transport for 3 hours each way to go to the Ren Faire and the honey mead was much more alcoholic than I expected so we waited in the dark for the last bus out, and I was lying under a tree not feeling so good and she was just really cool about being in charge of zombie. But yeah, h00py is a really cool frood.
posted by b33j at 3:20 PM on May 9 [17 favorites]


I favorite freely whenever I enjoy and/or agree with a comment, because why not?! It's probably one of the easiest ways there is to spred a little positive energy around.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 4:36 PM on May 9 [23 favorites]


I get so giddily pleased when Tehhund likes one of my comments, particularly in the politics megathreads, because I love that they're still trundling along and trying to catch up!

Thank you for this cheerful post, b33j!
posted by TwoStride at 7:12 PM on May 9 [9 favorites]


Although, I have, on occasion, clicked to see who favorited something I wrote, I more often try to favorite a comment on my tiny phone with my chubby fingers and end up seeing who favorited the comment instead. I rather expected that all you cool people were so rockstar and probably never checked who fav’d your stuff. Now I’m oddly self-conscious about faving. You stalkers.

I’ll get over it. I fav a lot, but honestly, not as much as I should because of the aforementioned mobile UI tiny-ness issue.
posted by greermahoney at 11:53 PM on May 9 [10 favorites]


I rather expected that all you cool people were so rockstar and probably never checked who fav’d your stuff. Now I’m oddly self-conscious about faving.

Ahahaha, no. No, my fragile rockstar ego checks favorites all day.
posted by loquacious at 7:11 AM on May 10 [10 favorites]


Whoops, that was supposed to be italics. Not awake or caffeinated yet.
posted by loquacious at 7:18 AM on May 10 [3 favorites]


I like how favorites are used differently by different folks with it not really being defined, some for bookmarks, some sparse some perhaps slightly overuse. They help me stay involved not by a feeling of being "fav'd" but just the feedback that what I wrote was even noticed.

(Now tho I'm going to have to go check if I've ever been faved by loquacious or jessamin)
posted by sammyo at 7:24 AM on May 10 [10 favorites]



I favorite freely whenever I enjoy and/or agree with a comment, because why not?! It's probably one of the easiest ways there is to spred a little positive energy around.


I do this as well, with the addition of favouriting comments that involved some kind of actual work/research on the part of the commenters in question, or any comment that gives me insight into a particular person's lived experience. I value first-hand accounts of events, and unique personal stories very much.
posted by some loser at 7:27 AM on May 10 [7 favorites]


See to the Also

60 to 10 in the first, 47 to 10 in the latter. Packed with heavyweight names: madamjujujive, languagehat, filthy light thief, sleepy pete, flapjax at midnite, nickyskye, koeselitz, carsonb, Blue Jello Elf, Artw, homunculus, Katjusa Roquette, nofundy and melissa may, to name but a few.

I am so so honored.
posted by y2karl at 8:10 AM on May 10 [3 favorites]


I feel somewhat uncomfortable about certain MeFites being called 'heavyweight'. It sounds a bit competitive to me. Are some MeFites worth more than others? I prefer not to see things like that.
posted by Too-Ticky at 8:51 AM on May 10 [14 favorites]


I am not knocking anyone but those are the people who I respect the most for their contributions to this site.

And no one, no one can knock, say, languagehat or madamjujujive for their contributions to this site in posts and comments, qualitatively or quantitatively.

No one.

Same for the rest mentioned. I have deep respect for them all.
posted by y2karl at 9:47 AM on May 10 [5 favorites]


For me, they set a high, high standard. You mileage may vary, of course, but I meant no slight to anyone, thank you.
posted by y2karl at 9:50 AM on May 10 [5 favorites]


You mileage may vary, of course, but I meant no slight to anyone, thank you.

While it's not a contest and we're pretty good about cherishing everyone here, I think that's a fine list of people to hold in high esteem. In particular I can directly vouch for carsonb being an incredibly generous and gentle human being, especially with that much brain going on, too.
posted by loquacious at 10:28 AM on May 10 [3 favorites]


Word.
posted by y2karl at 10:33 AM on May 10 [3 favorites]


What's fun is when you notice the same person favorite your comments over and over, usually someone I've never interacted with but I'm always intrigued that they seem to like and/or agree with me so much. Do we have a lot in common? Would I like them in real life? Maybe we'd get along famously.

I generally end up messaging or emailing these people and becoming friends with them, often IRL. I know I'm not the only one. There's a lot of behind the scenes communication and friendship.

I highly recommend doing this.
posted by loquacious at 11:23 AM on May 10 [8 favorites]


Uh, wow. So now we’re going to turn this into a popularity contest on two levels — who are the coolest people to be favorited by, and who’s the most favored by the cool people? Really? That’s how we want to be here? That’s...discouraging. Very discouraging, actually.
posted by holborne at 11:55 AM on May 10 [7 favorites]


This is a beautiful post and I love it.
posted by blurker at 12:09 PM on May 10 [5 favorites]


Holborne, that's not how I view this at all. People are expressing appreciation for each other and appreciation in general.

I'm not bragging about a favorite from jessamyn because I think she's cool or popular or because it earns me weird popularity brownie points - I'm honored by it and expressing appreciation for it because I know her time is super valuable and that it means I said something that resonated with her.

She is one person among many on this site who has long earned my respect for the things they do with their life, who they are IRL and here on MeFi. So a favorite from one of those people means something personally to me. It's not just some random "popular internet person" handing out a shinier imaginary internet point.

These favorites are cherished as moments of actual connection between people, not as social status symbols and imaginary internet points.
posted by loquacious at 12:11 PM on May 10 [7 favorites]


Posts like this make me feel like I should fave more, just to spread a little joy, but I’ve just never got into the habit of it. My internet habits were formed on bulletin boards and blogs where it wasn’t a thing. Must do better.
posted by Bloxworth Snout at 12:16 PM on May 10 [4 favorites]


Oh, I am terrible, I am a technopeasant Luddite troglodyte and couldn't be bothered paying attention to anyone else because I was in my own mansplaining manswering bubble, and thought I would get around to it eventually. Then I started going through the posts and comments of the people on my infodumpster list and the scales fell from my eyes.

Not in the case of languagehat and madamjujujive, because I have known them all my life here, as is the case with the names dropped above, because they are so smart and their posts so interesting. I worship madamjujujive and that's all there is to it.

Uh, wow. So now we’re going to turn this into a popularity contest on two levels — who are the coolest people to be favorited by, and who’s the most favored by the cool people ? Really ? That’s how we want to be here ?

Oh, for Christ's sake, these are my homies, friends of long standing. You have a problem with that ? Really ? I am not going to back down on this one, no matter how hard anyone tries to make themself right by making me wrong.

These are my friends

Not 2000 plus fake Facebook friends but my friends. I will always have their backs. Your mileage may vary but mine never will. I will never back down on this.
posted by y2karl at 12:31 PM on May 10 [6 favorites]


No idea how you’re squaring this:

AAAA I GOT ANOTHER FAVORITE FROM JESSAMYN

Psst, hey, currently offering one jessamyn favorite for two quonsars or #1 quidnunc kids, or maybe three IRFHs.


With this:

It's not just some random "popular internet person" handing out a shinier imaginary internet point.

But hey, whatever. I’m out.
posted by holborne at 12:34 PM on May 10 [3 favorites]


Anyhow, life is short and I can't wait for some day to come. I am making favorites with a vengeance from now on. As Yoshido Kenko once wrote: What makes life so precious is its uncertainty. There is no time to lose.
posted by y2karl at 12:48 PM on May 10 [3 favorites]


And I will add Fig to that list, too, because she has the biggest heart here. In my humble opinion.
posted by y2karl at 12:55 PM on May 10 [6 favorites]


No idea how you’re squaring this: With this:

It was a metajoke. You can't trade favorites around, and it was a nod to previous threads discussing the exact issue and feelings you've brought up. I also specifically picked those usernames because I like them and some of them aren't around much anymore.

Hey, I'm sorry if this has made you feel bad or weird. It's sincerely a bummer to me. It was definitely not my intent. I've been dealing with a ton of new emotions lately - many of them overwhelmingly positive - and I'm still learning how to express them without collateral damage like this.

I'm also learning I shouldn't necessarily let it dampen my enthusiasm or goodwill and that I can't make everyone happy all of the time.

I view favorites as my history of touching people with whatever unlikely gifts of writing and life experiences that I've had, whether it was earnest or funny or controversial. They're a tapestry woven from my life, not a horde of gold coins.
posted by loquacious at 1:24 PM on May 10 [10 favorites]


"I think that's a fine list of people to hold in high esteem."

agreed. loquacious gave me my first favorite, and have loved him ever since and before...
(loquacious October 31, 2006 10:44 AM)

My favorite highlight is when I got one from MATT, ya, little ole me. Even given a few to Karl, whom I love dearly.
posted by clavdivs at 1:27 PM on May 10 [3 favorites]


Everybody needs a Tom Hanks in Big slug to the arm.
posted by y2karl at 2:09 PM on May 10 [3 favorites]


I use favorites as a metric for how good a contributor I am. I look at the proportion of total favorites I receive to the number of the number of contributions I post. In other words, am I just yapping or am I contributing something of significance to the community. It's nice to get one from a Person of Significance, but really I use it for QC and perhaps to limit my comments to places and times where I might have something worth saying.
posted by Stanczyk at 2:36 PM on May 10 [6 favorites]


One time, long ago, I spent an hour writing a carefully crafted masterpiece of internet commentating, a shining metafilter comment of glorious truth. It got lots of favorites, which I noticed and was pleased by. Some time later I made a dumb one-liner joke that roughly aligned with the zeitgeist early in a high-traffic thread. It got more favorites, and I was like, eh, whatever. I do not believe they are ever reliable as a quantitative metric for anything.

Today, I found out there are pages that show all my little contributions sorted by favorites, and produce a list of everyone who's recently favorited my stuffs. So of course I quickly gave in to temptation and looked at them. I may have just overdosed on community approval.
posted by sfenders at 6:01 PM on May 10 [4 favorites]


I give favorites to comments that share insights or make me laugh or have a brilliant turn of phrase. I want to be able to easily find them later when I need a wisdom or laugh infusion.

I also bask in the warmth of favorites received and get an extra little thrill from getting one from some of my friends that I've never met (including all my vast number of enspousened ones.)
posted by a humble nudibranch at 9:18 PM on May 10 [7 favorites]


I favourite a lot and I like being favourited. This is my first kind of call out so thank you b33j (and you too, loquacious) for making it a lovely one.

I also know how it feels to never be mentioned in this kind of thing so holborne, I feel ya (not literally, that would be weird and also geographically impossible).

I mostly lurk in the shadows so being noticed is nice. I favourite others because they are hilarious and/or clever and/or interesting and/or on point. Everyone uses favourites in their own way.
posted by h00py at 5:17 AM on May 11 [12 favorites]


I had this funny impulse to say "I favorite all of you!" kinda like someone drunk on goodwill and community happy vibes might say "I love all of you!" And then I started to think, wouldn't it be funny if MeFites said "I favorite you" to each other as kinda a silly replacement for "I love you"? And then, woah, probably/what if someone has already done that?

(I am not stoned just kinda slightly delirious from my sore throat/cold.)
posted by overglow at 10:16 AM on May 11 [8 favorites]


Look, I favorite you but I don't favorite favorite you.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:22 AM on May 11 [12 favorites]


telling your bookmarks they're favorites like a true player
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:27 AM on May 11 [4 favorites]


Favorite Actually
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:31 AM on May 11 [6 favorites]


Favorites in the Time of Cholera.
posted by cgc373 at 10:33 AM on May 11 [6 favorites]


My favorite's like a blue, blue Pepsi.
posted by cgc373 at 10:33 AM on May 11 [5 favorites]


Favorite's a battlefield.
posted by cgc373 at 10:34 AM on May 11 [4 favorites]


Favor Fave, he wears a big plus sign around his neck.
posted by Gorgik at 10:38 AM on May 11 [5 favorites]


I favorite you, but I'm not in favorite with you.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:39 AM on May 11 [3 favorites]


Favorites make the world go around.
posted by elsietheeel at 11:10 AM on May 11 [3 favorites]


I am not stoned just kinda slightly delirious from my sore throat/cold.

Have you ever looked at your favorites? I mean, really looked at them?
posted by duffell at 11:20 AM on May 11 [7 favorites]


All You Need is Favorites
posted by biogeo at 12:26 PM on May 11 [2 favorites]


All You Need is Favorites

🎼🎶There’s nothing you can plus that can’t be plussed,
Nothing you can click that can’t be clunked.
Nothing you can’t say, but you can learn how to play the game:
It’s easy!

There’s nothing you can fave that can’t be faved,
And everything you bookmark can be saved.
There’s nothing you can’t do, and you can learn how to be you in time -
It’s easy ...

All we need is hugs!
All we need in hugs -
All we need is hugs, hugs ...
Hugs are all we need.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 12:49 PM on May 11 [17 favorites]


This is just to say
I have favorited
the comment
that you made
on the post

and which
took the form
of this poem

Forgive me
I'm a sucker
for form
over content
posted by drlith at 1:29 PM on May 11 [12 favorites]


I favourite youse all! (except for that one, you know who you are).
posted by h00py at 3:53 PM on May 11 [4 favorites]


Fave me, you favers are hardcore.
posted by sfenders at 4:08 PM on May 11 [3 favorites]


I love everyone
But I post never.
This is the place to say that.
Happy Friday everyone!!
posted by ipsative at 4:20 PM on May 11 [6 favorites]


Yes there was wine
posted by ipsative at 4:22 PM on May 11 [2 favorites]


Just saying, when I said supercool at the beginning, I didn't mean popular mefite, I meant mefite who's contributions are interesting to me. And I don't really care (can't tell) why anyone favourites a post of mine, but it's probably because they read it.
posted by b33j at 4:50 PM on May 11 [3 favorites]


All we need is hugs!
All we need in hugs -
All we need is hugs, hugs ...
Hugs are all we need.


I smell a candidate for mercy killing.
posted by y2karl at 5:07 PM on May 11 [2 favorites]


Is it me? Please say it's me! I never win anything!

omg you nerds what the hell happened in here
posted by loquacious at 10:00 AM on May 12 [2 favorites]


omg you nerds what the hell happened in here

That you're our favourite.
posted by Fizz at 10:07 AM on May 12 [3 favorites]


I really enjoyed this insight into how people use favorites until the "Oh my God so en so is the best Meta Filter contributer and their favs mean so much more to me than any other favs," started. It's not that I don't agree that people named aren't stand out members of the community, I just get saddened that threads like this so quickly become alienating to people who, for whatever reasons, aren't as well known/don't post as regularly on the site. It does quickly start to feel sort of high school-ish and yicky. I'm left uncertain whether I should shout out to a couple of my favorite people who I dont see recognized here. I don't think I will though because I don't want to contribute to what I see as a negative. I'll just say that there are some folks who I really appreciate on this site who didn't get recognized here in all the gushing. I'm not the type that wants to use this site to make friends IRL and I don't often private message anyone, so you may not ever hear from me, but if I've favorited you more than 3 or 4 times, I've noticed you and I appreciate you . We may not always agree on everything, but I respect that. You make this site the amazing place it is.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 8:13 AM on May 13 [14 favorites]


I've recently been undertaking a (very slow and intermittent) unfavoriting spree, as an effort to move away from favorites-as-approval and more towards favorites-as-bookmarks — um, for reasons I'm not sure I can adequately explain to myself, let alone anyone else — so if you've noticed your favorite count decreasing it was probably me, and it's not personal.

I'm still using favorites on FanFare posts, to express, especially on posts which get few comments, "hey, I watched/read/listened to this too and even if I don't have anything to say about it I'm glad you posted it because I'm interested in reading what other MeFites are saying about it."
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 3:36 PM on May 14 [2 favorites]


Well then, we reach a consensus: we all use favorites in different ways.

Let a hundred flowers bloom, let a hundred schools of thought contend, as Mao Zedong once wrote.
posted by y2karl at 7:49 AM on May 15 [3 favorites]

Put on my faving shoes and I clicked by a name,
Moused down with my hand where the site was blue,
"+1 (would fave again)!"

I'm faving, I'm faving!
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 8:07 PM on May 15 [1 favorite]


I favourite a lot because I'm just agreeing with people all over the shop, basically.
posted by h00py at 6:26 AM on May 19 [3 favorites]


It does quickly start to feel sort of high school-ish and yicky.

I can understand this.

With all the warmth and kindness I can offer, I wasn't one of the popular kids in high school - I will likely feel like an outsider and weirdo for all of my life. And I don't feel that elitism is what's going on here. I'm just praising some of the people I know and like.

I'm pretty sure jessamyn would be uncomfortable with being identified with the popular/cool kid in HS, too. I wasn't praising her because I think she's popular or well known, but because of what she does here on the site and elsewhere.

I'm left uncertain whether I should shout out to a couple of my favorite people who I dont see recognized here.

Which is why I think people should shout out and praise their favorite people. We're not running out of words on the internet or space to do so. I'm coming from the space that more appreciation is more appreciation, not that this is a popularity contest, and that we don't take the time to appreciate each other nearly enough.

I may not know those people, and I may wish to know them and appreciate them too.
posted by loquacious at 9:48 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]


With all the warmth and kindness I can offer, I wasn't one of the popular kids in high school - I will likely feel like an outsider and weirdo for all of my life.

I am of the opinion that very few of us were the popular kids, at least, in our own minds.

Else why are we here ?

But people like to project that persons other than our specific selves were members of the elite not us, who have it so easy, , and that to praise anyone specific is a sure sign of this.

But it is not. What it is a sure sign of is how little we value ourselves.
posted by y2karl at 11:08 AM on May 19 [3 favorites]


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