Fucking Fuck XXI - omnifucks April 1, 2019 3:28 PM   Subscribe

Sorry if I'm treading on the toes of the usual FF poster(s). Just came here to unburden after the latest Brexit extravaganza of selfishness and rank stupidity and found the previous one had become dormant. If this is good, then have at it... I am UP TO HERE WITH EVERYTHING. Blessings on you all.
posted by doornoise to MetaFilter-Related at 3:28 PM (124 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

Tonight was leftover night. I grabbed the plastic storage container full of chicken and mushrooms cooked in wine with roasted cauliflower.

There was not any chicken left. It was roasted cauliflower in white wine/chicken broth soup.

And I'm still steaming from an incident involving my FIL at brunch (to celebrate my MIL's birthday) and forced prayer in public for a meal in which I was the host. (As in find the restaurant, make the reservation and pay for the meal host).

Fuck that patriarchial bullshit. I'm done catering to such a**holery.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:59 PM on April 1 [17 favorites]


Fuck the weasels of the British Parliament and their dissembling nonsense. Fuck their indifference to the actual harm of Brexit, to the lies, illegal funding, and foreign meddling in the referendum, and to the utter venality of putting party before country. I'm a dual citizen though only lived there for 5 years, but really, why ever go back? Fuck that shit with a goalie stick.

Fuck Justin Trudeau and his bullshit self-preening arrogant little jerkface smirk when cutting the heart out of an actual trend towards reconciliation with Indigenous Canadians, and de-railing real progress on energy futures by buying a fucking pipeline, and by being a useless toady pawn opening the door to possible success by the always-hungry Canadian right winger Fordist style assholes.

And fuck the American media for their shitfucked reporting on the Mueller report, for believing a known propagandist's summary of it, for always getting sucked into the misdirections while mini-trumps are flourishing all over the world, for their mediocre depth of knowledge and lack of historical grounding, and for their craven kiss-assing approach to power, just fuck all of them.

Also fuck the pencildick on my street who likes to rev his motorcycle at 3.00 in the morning but fuck him less because the other things are well and truly fucked and he could possibly change.
posted by Rumple at 5:05 PM on April 1 [30 favorites]


According to my dental insurance which I have been paying for three months I DON'T EXIST. So fuck them and fuck my teeth apparently. Fuck health insurance in general and american exceptionalism in specific.
posted by Mizu at 6:32 PM on April 1 [5 favorites]


My sister miscarried. I want to be able to type FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK X! But there is no X. There is no Theresa May, or Donald Trump that caused this. She had great health care, a loving husband, and a house I would give body parts for. And this shit happens.

I like to to think, that when life throws a ball peen hammer to my head, I can remember enough stupid shit that I've done in which I've SUFFERED NO OR LITTLE consequences. That I can list my sins, and see which ones were unanswered, and be humbled. But I can't see that for other people. And that when I've see people who have done, at least to every outside thing I can see, nothing bad, I weep for the world.

Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.
posted by zabuni at 7:25 PM on April 1 [8 favorites]


tl;dgaffffffffffuuuuuuuuck
posted by lalochezia at 7:48 PM on April 1 [3 favorites]


I am managing 5 projects at work for which I am also supposed to be lead designer, and one of those projects has design work due tomorrow. I have used all my energy in search of solutions to project problems, so there is no design work completed. I am having a good old fashioned little panic attack complete with actual hair pulling and shortness of breath. If I weren't the art director, maybe it wouldn't matter. I could make excuses. But I am the art director. You pay extra to have me be the designer on a project. But I cannot be a project manager AND an art director AND a designer all in one. I cannot. So there will be no design work unless I do not sleep and I have to sleep because no sleep equals cortisol weight which coincides with newly discovered terrible cholesterol and now I am afraid I would be better off a robot that an actual human. What's the point .
posted by Hermione Granger at 8:00 PM on April 1 [8 favorites]


Also, someone sent me this charming ditty.
posted by Rumple at 8:13 PM on April 1 [9 favorites]


I have felt lately like, to some MeFites, every thread on the Blue is the Fucking Fuck Thread. So I'm glad that doornoise has given us a new target for our free-floating anger.

Thanks! And also, AAARRGGGHHH!!!
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 8:17 PM on April 1 [4 favorites]


I still have not received the email I've been waiting for since December. Movin' on. Sorta.
posted by Morpeth at 3:53 AM on April 2 [3 favorites]


It is not fucking OK to make fun of the length of the LGBTQQIP2SAA acronym. You have no idea who you're talking to. Fucking fuck.
posted by wellred at 5:42 AM on April 2 [10 favorites]


While I wait for the appropriate discussion thread to be carefully formulated and put up on the grey (rather like the 2000 comment threads that helped us sort out gender and ethnicity and inclusivity issues in the past) I will dump my fuckety fuck here.

Why has nobody yet connected the dots regarding the wholesale exportation of hate against hte Other, including funding support, that is currently ongoing?
posted by infini at 5:47 AM on April 2 [3 favorites]


The UK parliament and government need to get in a bin and then into the sea, quite frankly. I can't even look at the news today without my brain screaming FUCK and shutting down.
posted by halcyonday at 5:52 AM on April 2 [6 favorites]


I'm so irrationally annoyed with the world right now that I'm indiscriminately nerd sniping forums out of sheer spite, to the point that I'm prepared to use Wabbits (the British version of Widgets)

What I'm trying to say is, darn you Metafilter, darn you all to heck.
posted by Eleven at 6:17 AM on April 2


My mother's best friend just died at 86. My mother reacts to bad things by making other people feel worse, but I'm the good daughter so I just sat there after church on Sunday and had to let the ranting wash over me, calmly using my wonderful Metafilter training ("No, that won't be possible"), dreaming of the bag of Doritos I was going to eat later, wishing I too could share my sadness with someone, because I loved her too, and I have neither a child nor a partner to comfort me.

My hippie sister's car just got stolen and crashed. She has an interesting history: she was always a free spirit, moving to distant lands and jobs and identities once a year or so, never finding what she was looking for, always "needing" to move on in search of something or someone that may be out there. Then she had a kid, and became remarkably stable for 15 years, actually holding down one stable job during that time, and only moving four(?) times in the same general area.

Now the kid is 16, old enough to be self-reliant, and suddenly she's having trouble finding a job, her unemployment is about to run out, and her car was wrecked. Half of me says OMG, how awful, what bad luck, and it really is harder for older women to find jobs. And the other half says oh lord, here we go again, is she now back into manufacturing crisis mode, now that her kid is older? I have no idea which one it is.

And I don't have the spoons to get emotionally dragged into either of their dramas; they probably think I'm cold or something since I just keep repeating no, I'm going home to work on my craft projects.

The latest with mom was that she asked me to go to the burial and miss some work. I said no. I could have missed the work, but the burial was for only really close people and she's my mother's best friend, not mine. Doesn't matter, this still led to WHAT SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU DON'T CARE ENOUGH ABOUT HER?? Then she said she was just going to lie to the family and say "I couldn't miss work."

And I don't have the spoons to argue anymore. I just said "do what you want," and went home to eat Doritos and work on craft projects. Long live craft projects. I love the recent knitted brain FPP.
posted by sockerpup at 8:36 AM on April 2 [15 favorites]


Well I got tired of seeing waterfalls of trash roll into one of the local creeks in my neighborhood; and after a sequence of not us : them from the Police, the BNSF, and anybody else I spoke to;
And a series of -blah plan, blah blah schedule, blah blah have a meeting, somesomething something hire some contractors; then next month, and other future tense nonsensical crap like that for reasons why what and other crapfest words of nothing coming from people on the phone (all in other zip codes; and a couple in different area codes even)...

I emailed the local news media, and the Mayor's office. Separate emails - one email to multiple people doesn't seem to work too well for too much important too fast.

Well. Three hours later I'm told the mess will be gone in 96 hours - Mayor's office went and took photos, BNSF freaked out when Nebraska was mentioned; and yeah. Hate to feel like a raging T45 to get stuff done; and by get stuff done I do *NOT* have resources for 10 cubic meters of debris; but that rage mode is a good tool at times. Rarr!
posted by Afghan Stan at 8:58 AM on April 2 [17 favorites]


A local and beloved community member and fairly well known musician died of an overdose recently. It was likely opiates but I haven't had confirmation of that. Local reporting in the papers say he was left by the drug dealer in the parking lot of the hospital in his running with a shot of Narcan in each leg, and the dealer is now in custody on drug charges and is facing manslaughter. The papers also report that this dealer had some kind of drug lab in his basement, which is a whole lot of "Woah, what the fuck!?" for this small, sleepy town.

I didn't know the deceased very well but he was a pretty amazing human being and a life long friend to a lot of people that I know and see every day, so almost everyone I know is super bummed out and grieving. He was one of the founding members of the recently closed non-profit coffee house and youth cultural space that I was working for last year. He and his wife were heavily involved in music in town, both performing together in their band, doing outreach and education and also fundraisers.

And the more I think about him, the more I realize I interacted with him a lot more than I thought. He was always smiling and had something interesting, uplifting and supportive to say, especially if he overheard you talking about music or trying new things. Unassuming, unobtrusive but present.

Everything about all of this is complete bullshit and is yet another needless casualty of the drug wars and the criminalization of the disease of addiction.

So fuck everything about that in particular.

In personal chrome plated turbo-fuckery I am currently jumping through insurance hoops to upgrade my meds and treatment by... downgrading my meds and treatment to their preferred alternative for it to fail first because money over people and all that fun real life bullshit.

So yay, I get to go through some pretty heavy mood swing cycles basically every day for at least a month, if not two. I know it's not as bad as full on PMS symptoms, but it's still pretty fucky and gross feeling with nausea and even random hot flashes if I don't keep things managed and timely.

Luckily I'm really good at being moody and have a lot of experience just riding this sort of thing out and I seem to be channeling that general ennui and angst into music projects and recording.

Oh, and about a week ago I told a really good friend that I had a whole lot of feelings for them. I really, really am fond of who they are, there values and what they like out of life. And it didn't go well at all, and was a horrible mistake. Fuck.

I still want to be friends with them and I've had a stern talk with myself about those feelings and have definitely let the feelings go, but rebuilding that friendship is going to take some time, and if friendships could be a favorite thing - well, this was that friendship. It feels a lot like I just clumsily destroyed something good, wholesome and beautiful and it's still bugging me.
posted by loquacious at 9:34 AM on April 2 [12 favorites]


The fucking Federal Reserve Bank truly was fucked yesterday. Their wire clearing facility crashed, the notices sent out were uninformative, and the closing deadline was extended, by half-hour increments, from 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM. We still could not send all our wires, and could not fucking reconcile. And it was late and my brain stopped working and I got to work this morning to fix it and I am sooooo tired.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 9:40 AM on April 2 [4 favorites]


I continue to be in personal free fall and it somehow feels less lonely to be going through all the personal shitty shit when its just part and parcel of the global shitty shit that I can’t do anything about. Thank the gods my immediate family is healthy and the bills are getting paid for now because that’s not true for people not far removed from me and being okay is a tenuous prospect these days.

Since being forced out of my job exactly one month ago for unionizing, giving a damn, and generally agitating I’ve had the joy of running into patients everywhere (I live a few blocks away from where I worked) and I get to have various versions of a conversation that starts off “They told me you quit suddenly. Why would you do that? I needed you. Where are you working now?” Not that I think I’m all that great, but I know they’re getting shitty care and it’s a big deal when a doctor leaves abruptly. And I don’t know what else the clinic’s going to say, but I think it’s fucked up that the story they’re telling people is that it was my choice to just not come back to work one day.

So I’ve been out on a few interviews in the last month. There’s tons of jobs in health care. The problem is they are all terrible terrible jobs and I’ve been spending the last month contemplating exactly how traumatized 20 years in primary care has left me and the idea of diving into some other meat grinder for another 20 years just sets off a panic attack. So I’m thinking seriously of just not going back. I don’t know what to do instead, I know that I need to make money at some point but the urgency of this need I have to avoid going back into the completely fucked US health system is primal. I know 2 physicians and a PA who were driven to suicide by their burnout and I just can’t do it anymore.

I’m still in school part time getting a master’s degree and am debating some kind of alternative practice model, but it has to be something that serves Medicaid and uninsured people and there’s not been something like that in modern history that has been able to sustain itself. I did just get a call back from an awesome local org to do chemical dependency treatment for commercial sex workers, so maybe I can piece together enough innovative do gooder work like that while the rest of the system burns down.

Meanwhile, my sister’s marriage has been falling apart and after a long period of soul searching, she has decided to pack up her stuff and take a job teaching in Malaysia. Great, I think this is going to be so good for her, her husband’s been a butthole and my sis has been dreaming of traveling through SE Asia. Unfortunately, my sister and I share a pair of racist conservative Christian parents who have gone completely off the deep end, first because my sister isn’t being a good wife and making her marriage work and second because she is moving to an Islamic country and they have told her they will never visit her. So in a couple weeks I’m traveling to the Bay Area to help her pack up all her shit into storage and drive her car up here to Seattle while our folks who are doing fuck all play golf in Arizona.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:09 AM on April 2 [39 favorites]


Fucking fuck.

There's a post going around Facebook of a Twitter thread about people-pleasing and emotionally abusive relationships and I read it and it was fine and then a friend IMed about it completely separately from that reading and I reread it and suddenly HOLY SHIT a bunch of stuff connected in my head and I'm really glad I have a therapy appointment tomorrow because I don't know how to process this even though I think this is what my therapist has been talking about for the last 16 months.
posted by hanov3r at 4:24 PM on April 2 [12 favorites]


The fucking allergies are starting.
posted by aspersioncast at 4:30 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]


My friend wrote me! We are good and will figure things out! Whew!
posted by loquacious at 4:56 PM on April 2 [25 favorites]


hanov3r my therapist and I talked about that thread tonight!! With you.
posted by wellred at 5:24 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]


SNAKES, VIPER BROODS, HYPOCRITES

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

posted by Barack Spinoza at 7:07 PM on April 2 [7 favorites]


My aunt died last week. She suffered a long, horrifying illness and it is a relief that she is at peace, but I feel terrible for my uncle. Seeing pictures of her and other family from 30-plus years ago has also woken up in me some deeply buried feelings of childhood inadequacy and sadness stemming from Family Weirdness.

My beloved cat has been sick with pancreatitis for almost two weeks. He was finally, after suffering multiple vet visits and like 8 pills a day, getting better. Then I realized that I was fucking stupid and forgot to reorder his specialty frozen food, which takes several days to get here after ordering. So I gave him Other Food, which has yup made him sick again. Godfuckingdammit.

This weekend I was the victim of a frightening crime, the specifics of which I will not share here but suffice to say while it was happening I was thinking I might die. I have to go back to work tomorrow after taking a couple of vacation days following said crime and I am wondering how I'm going to get through the week.

I'm starting to try to get my art out there more and today I posted a cartoon to Instagram that I've spent maybe 10? 15? hours on and it got no likes.

I'm autistic and trying to find a therapist who knows what they're doing wrt autistic women and so far it seems like none exist in my city who are accepting patients.

Also I feel ashamed that I'm not really following the news anymore. I reached a point where it was putting me in existential crisis mode every day and I had to take a break. I don't have energy to volunteer.

Fuck.
posted by whistle pig at 8:09 PM on April 2 [15 favorites]


Oh, and a bird shat on me today, and my neighbor who noisily works on cars till late in the night is at it again, meaning I either can't sleep due to the noise, or go over to ask him to please wrap up for the evening, and then I can't sleep due to the adrenaline.
posted by whistle pig at 8:18 PM on April 2 [3 favorites]


I keep applying for jobs I don't want and am not qualified for anyway. I just gave up on an application for the Library of Congress when my browser crashed. I was answering "none of the above" to all their questions about work experience, and it just didn't seem worth it. I don't even want to stay in this area anyway, let alone get a job here. Everything is too expensive, and I don't really like the DC culture that much. Old DC yes, not the financial nightmare DC has become.

Everything is pretty discouraging. And the longer I go without a job, the more I have to explain a weird gap in my resume.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 8:31 PM on April 2 [6 favorites]


Ugh, I made myself go back and finish that application, assuming I'd feel worse if I didn't. At least I was honest on the application.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 8:53 PM on April 2 [11 favorites]


there was a new boy, and i tried really hard to be calm, and i followed everyone's good advice, and we had two trivia things, and i thot there was enough mutual interest, that i invited him to one of two movies, he agreed to go yesterday, confirmed today, and he dropped out.

i have had two dates in four years---if you count the one who stood me up, and the one who bailed with an obv. fake phone call half way through. I didn't want to look forward to it, and the no he sent was so gentle and sweet that i don't know if its a no or a not now.

i have so many friends and so much company and i feel shitty for letting this break me, but i am really lonely and i really want a partner, all my friends are in long term realtionships or married, or have kids or have had chances, and I put up a brave front but I was so looking forward to all that liz phair shit, and its just one disappointment after another. .

i suspect it's spectrum stuff, but it is so fucking decimating.
posted by PinkMoose at 10:51 PM on April 2 [18 favorites]


I found out the other week that one of my best friends at work isn't allowed back this season. The circumstances are kind of #MeToo meets #BlackLivesMatter, and my normally competent supervisor's handling of the situation was just pants-on-head level of stupid. It's all extremely infuriating, and I've been trying to draft an email to said supervisor explaining all the ways he completely fucked up, even though (/because) my friend has already moved on and isn't going to fight it--which is frustrating in its own right because goddamn this is why we have a union! Every time I take a step back, I start to think I'm overreacting and need to cut the number and level of vitriol of my complaints by half. But then as soon as I start re-reading what I've got, I'm filled with rage anew and instead of making thoughtful revisions I end up pacing around the house grumbling up ever more withering criticisms. And my other best friend at work, who happens to be my number one justice compatriot, also isn't coming back because his online application for the new season somehow failed to submit. Fucking fuck.
posted by gueneverey at 5:09 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]


I live in Wisconsin, and after last night's election, I just want to say, as a native who moved back here 2005 to have a family, career, and life...justfuck so many things about this state. Fuck the Democratic party machine who got absolutely lazy on the Supreme Court race, fuck the voters who stayed at home for god knows what reason, and especially fuck the voters who decided that they liked a candidate who was not even endorsed by 98% of the judiciary and who was so bad that the Realtors couldn't even endorse the "conservative" (hahaha but judiciary races are non-partisan, barf) candidate. NOW we have 5-2 conservative majority and, for the next TEN YEARS a guy who founded an anti-LGBT school, who has called Planned Parenthood "wicked", and the NAACP a "disgrace to America".

And especially to those voters who celebrated Evers' win over Scott Walker, but stayed home yesterday? Way to go, you just ensured that your guy won't accomplish much at all.

Aaaaaargh, I love so much about this state so much, but today, ugh, just fuck it all.
posted by TheFantasticNumberFour at 5:29 AM on April 3 [10 favorites]


The anxiety of Brexit never seems to end. We have such COWARDS in UK politics - there are a few who are stepping up and saying "hey guys this is not working and it was never going to work and you were all LIED to and let's call it all off and have a public enquiry" but not enough of them. I'm confident that the swivel-eyed ideologues are in a minority, but even if good sense prevails, we'll still be a broken country for a long time to come, and it's scary.

Also, I'm 40 and I think I'm hitting the menopause. This sucks.
posted by altolinguistic at 5:51 AM on April 3 [8 favorites]


I have 3 more days of work and then I'm unemployed. I am privileged and grateful to have something to carry me over for a few months, but I didn't think I'd actually need to use it. I got an amazing score on my grant (16), but some of the other people we went in with dragged it down so despite getting my best score in 15 years, I'm out of a job.

I sent out my notice to colleagues and I am getting some really sweet and very validating emails in response. That is very lovely. When I tried to read some of them to my husband (whose company went bankrupt in December and he also lost his job) he was super defensive and really didn't want to hear it despite this being my career and passion for almost 30 years. He's had a rough couple of months (both parents also died), but I'd like to be able to fucking celebrate something and I'm really pissed off at him this morning.

I have an interview this afternoon for school (low residency seminary) and I'm excited about that, but I don't have anyone to really share it with right now and that's kind of a bummer.

So, good shit and bad shit. I'm really grateful for my new medication or I'd be a lot worse off right now.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:48 AM on April 3 [8 favorites]


Things are terrible right now in a way I don’t feel comfortable talking about on public searchable internet, but suffice it to say it is honestly awful and never ending.
posted by corb at 9:01 AM on April 3 [21 favorites]


I'm just so fucking tired, you guys. Just so fucking tired, and I don't know what to do anymore. Fuck.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:12 AM on April 3 [16 favorites]


Hugs if you want them, corb.
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:21 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]


What the ever-loving fuck is wrong with some people.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 11:30 AM on April 3 [4 favorites]


((((♥everyone and their croutons))))
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 11:52 AM on April 3 [5 favorites]


Texas Bans All Chaplains From Execution Chamber Instead of Extending Program to All Faiths
Since the death penalty was reinstated in 1976, Texas has executed 560 inmates – more than five times as many prisoners as any other state.
Are we the baddies?
posted by 1970s Antihero at 5:57 PM on April 3 [9 favorites]


I just found out I'm getting switched from my awesome, trans-competent doctor back to my previous, incompetent, creepy doctor.

It's been a hard week and I was keeping it all together, but today is a discreetly-crying-at-my-desk day.

Sending warmth and solidarity to everyone else whose stuff is shitty right now.
posted by ITheCosmos at 9:26 AM on April 4 [11 favorites]


Everything is very bad right now for me, and I would like a do-over on 2019 please. This year is a right trash fire.
posted by sockermom at 11:42 AM on April 4 [8 favorites]


hugs to everyone who would like them and is having a shitty time.
posted by needlegrrl at 11:57 AM on April 4 [14 favorites]


Fuck the internet that just erased this long fuck post where I poured my heart out about how utterly everything is sucking right now for me and how I am in a bad place and feeling isolated and alone. Didn't help feeling less alone or that my life has no meaning then having my words just disappear into the wires. Oh well. I just want a redo or want to be in a coma for the next few years.
posted by kanata at 11:58 AM on April 4 [14 favorites]


Opens Excel file labeled Foods That Made Me Think I Was Dying
Goes to column Weird Poop Color
Inserts cell between Beets and Carrots
Types BLUEBERRIES

it’s not a big fuck, but fucking fuck it scared me
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:51 PM on April 4 [11 favorites]


My dad passed away today after battling cancer for two years. I know losing a parent is hard for everyone, but I was already emotionally exhausted by the post-2016 slow motion trainwreck of Trump and his gang of thugs destroying the world.

I'm going to take some time to grieve. Then I'm going to do everything in my power to throw that motherfucker out of office because I've had enough of this shit.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:39 PM on April 4 [32 favorites]


To paraphrase Randy:

"Mr. Bad Example...not fine. Mr. Bad Example is the opposite of fine."
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 7:53 AM on April 5


Not sure what kind of day you are having, but I guarantee it's better than the guy I just overheard in the men's room having a tense phone call with his boss about work performance while also frantically scrubbing his underwear because he had shit his pants.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:08 AM on April 5 [14 favorites]


AAAAArg fucking Brexit.
posted by Bloxworth Snout at 10:01 AM on April 5 [4 favorites]


Okay, yes, a petty fuck compared to many of the others above, but...my day started out with being woken up two hours before I had to get up by a dream in which my girlfriend1 had dumped me. She then sent me a sex video in which she taunted me with how much better in bed the new guy was. This video was shot by the new guy on his phone as he was on top of her. Getting back to sleep was a foregone conclusion at that point.

1I was not married in this dream for some reason.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:50 PM on April 5 [2 favorites]


Heard this on Seattle local treasure KEXP this morning, and I thought it might be of use to those of us strung out or stressed out or just fucking had enough. KEXP has really been pushing their "You are not alone" message the past couple of years, and the morning DJ played this twice in a row and said he believed the song "could save lives." I can testify it's pretty cathartic. Stay strong, y'all:

It's a message we all need to hear and/or say in these tough times: "I Am OK"

And it's the message of the new single from Lea Porcelain, premiering today at 8:15 AM on The Morning Show with John Richards. (Listen to it again below.)

Last we heard from the Berlin-based duo, producer Julien Bracht and multi-instrumentalist/vocalist Markus Nikolaus had caught our ear with their self-released 2017 debut Hymns To The Night. On today's premiere track, they return with elements we associate with them — ukelele, Nikolaus' gruff, moody vocals — but this time, the song takes an anthemic turn, swelling towards a dramatic chorus of "I am OK" and then building towards a passionate conclusion, with Nikolaus' shouts calling to mind early U2. The band tells us: "The song describes a time in everybody’s life that make you lose faith in yourself, in someone else, or in life itself and you just need to hear from someone that one day everything will be OK again. That no matter what, with time and patience we all will be OK.”

posted by sapere aude at 5:46 PM on April 5 [3 favorites]


I have worked 8a-between 10p and midnight, 6 days a week, for the past 3 weeks. I am so tired. One and a half more weeks of this insanity.

But hey, tomorrow I don't have to come in until noon-thirty!
posted by mollymayhem at 6:43 PM on April 5 [2 favorites]


Can I offer someone in this thread, who would like a tiny break, a $10 Amazon (US) credit? I am Canadian and can't meaningfully use it. The catch is that the "gift code" is already redeemed (my bad), but I am willing to work around that as I don't care about the account. It's no biggie. Please MeMail if interested.
posted by sylvanshine at 7:10 PM on April 5 [1 favorite]


Deepest condolences, double block and bleed.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 7:29 PM on April 5 [4 favorites]


For a little Saturday Twitter chuckle, here's a fun little takedown of FoxNews' security theater
posted by Thorzdad at 6:38 AM on April 6 [2 favorites]


I keep half writing rambling quasi-constructive comments in the current Brexit discussion thread and then deleting them. The rambling that follows is not the product of any of those, except insofar as it reflects how the whole situation makes me feel.

It feels like this is 1930 in Germany is what it fucking feels like. If someone isn't making a new movie of Cabaret for release next year, then I guess I've overestimated the intelligence of the capitalist class yet again.

We're currently living in a Warren Ellis comic. My worry is that things could quickly get a lot more like an early Alan Moore followed by a number of Frank Miller's greatest shits.

I am mentally preparing myself for the (small, but now actually real to me) possibility that I might have to live under a fascist government; mentally goading myself into being ready to face imprisonment and brutality for trying to speak out; even weighing up the risk of torture against my moral principles. If it comes to it, will I really have the courage to do the right thing?

I'm really glad I don't have kids. Not because I don't think it's right to bring children into this world. Your children are going to enrich the world and help us build a better existence. I'm glad because I remember a few friends who suffered horrifically as a consequence of their fathers' nobly-motivated political stands. But what do you do, if you've got kids? Someone has to fight for their future, after all. It's a cruel position to be in. So I'm just glad that I'm not worrying about that.

I'm finding it harder to engage with day to day politics in any emotional way (which isn't actually a debility), I think because my brain has switched over to preparation for the most ghastly outcomes possible. It's not making me particularly anxious (any more than I always am!), but I guess my main feeling is one of wanting just get it over with so we can deal with whatever amount of shit we have to clear up as a result: if the bad times are coming...
posted by howfar at 8:15 AM on April 6 [6 favorites]


I have been working 10-12 hour days managing a well-intentioned but chronically dysfunctional org. We just moved, and I managed that too. I am proud of my work at this place. But. There is an attorney at this org who seems to think I ought to be her legal secretary and personal assistant and has been attempting with various degrees of aggression to achieve this even though I am not a member of the actual legal support staff. My workout schedule is fucked, my sleep is fucked, my eating is fucked, I eat sleep and breathe the damn operations of this office, and now she is accusing me of insubordination and creating a hostile work environment because I can't/won't be the personal assistant she so clearly deserves. Fucking fuck.
posted by Fish, fish, are you doing your duty? at 11:33 AM on April 6 [6 favorites]


Good goddamned, who are the people applauding Dump at his public speeches? I'm not even American but this is embarrassing.

*edit: what a goddamned fuckwit
posted by porpoise at 1:20 AM on April 7 [2 favorites]


I have been having increasingly worse nightmares as a result of some stuff I’ve been experiencing awakening my ptsd. This morning it was one where I watched my pet die. I hate stress.
posted by corb at 7:13 AM on April 7 [5 favorites]


You know, fuck you David, I tried.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 7:42 PM on April 7 [3 favorites]


Corb, this is going to sound woo af, but I've recently been personally flailing and went to a local new age store and damn did having a piece of lepidolite in the pocket of the hoodie I sleep in work to stop nightmares.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 7:44 PM on April 7 [3 favorites]


I hear yah, corb.


I've gotten to the point where I dream hard and vivid whenever I manage to get there, but keep waking up (mostly because of neighbourhood noise) - leading to ever more vivid dreams as my brain more desperately needs to enter that state.

But feeling no more rested because the duration of sleep are all so short.

Hope you can get a chance to schedule a good block of time JUST to sleep.
posted by porpoise at 8:42 PM on April 7 [1 favorite]


In Milkshake Duck news: Nathan Pyle, the creator of Strange Planet comics discussed previously on MetaFilter, is anti-choice. So that's another shitty thing in the world.
posted by jedicus at 12:17 PM on April 8 [3 favorites]


I just finally got up the courage to cut a few friends-who-had-turned-toxic out of my life, and am still having bad anxiety about it, which is like - fuck this for happening, fuck this for being on me to do a ton of never-reciprocated emotional labor, fuck the straight privilege involved, fuck couples who hit on me (unfortunately directly relevant here), and fuck people who want to use my friendship to get with shitty dudes.

So I mean. Good for me getting these people gone, but as long as we have mutual friends I have to anticipate running into them again, and fuck that.
posted by bile and syntax at 1:22 PM on April 8 [2 favorites]


I still can't get over how fucking weird it is that all of Gen-X knows Trump as the blowhard rich guy with model wives on the cover of checkout tabloids ca. 7th grade 1988 and now he's the president AND our boomer parents think this is A-OK.

Are all of us X-ers going to live out our retirement with President David 'Puck' Rainey?
posted by fluttering hellfire at 5:19 PM on April 8 [14 favorites]


I don't even have a reason today. Just fuck this, all of this.
posted by prismatic7 at 12:14 AM on April 9 [3 favorites]


Speaking as an X-er - what's "retirement?"
posted by soundguy99 at 6:02 AM on April 9 [15 favorites]


Before I rant, I just want to say I'm so sorry about everyone's pain, and stress and anxiety. These are crazy times, and it's so much harder to deal with anything, when EVERYTHING is chaos.


In Milkshake Duck news: Nathan Pyle, the creator of Strange Planet comics discussed previously on MetaFilter, is anti-choice. So that's another shitty thing in the world.

Oh.God.fucking.dammit. Of course he is. How could things be different?

This stupid timeline. You know, I started saying it as a joke a few years ago, but now, now I'm convinced CERN really did drop us through a wormhole or shifted our reality by a few parsecs or something. Because seriously you guys, this timeline doesn't even make sense any more. It's like reality is shattering around us all, and we keep trying to tape the shards together, and it just gets more and more distorted.

The President of the Fucking United States of America, spends more time on Twitter than he does "reading" his briefings. The Republican Party that once held men like Eisenhower, who gave a speech to warn America about the Military Industrial buildup being a danger to democracy, to being a party under thrall of Russian influence, willing to destroy democracy if it means the rich stay rich and get richer.

We have an education secretary who hates the whole idea of an educated lower class.

We have an energy secretary who didn't know nukes were part of the job.

We have whistleblowers named Reality Winner. I mean, come the fuck on.

We have climate change happening that is going to cause massive migrations of humans, and no plan to deal with it, and no plan to try and curb our impact on climate.

Pollinators are dying off. And the EPA just approved using a poison that may do the job in a few years. That's pretty much the end of humanity right there. And it will be an ugly, ugly end.

The ring of fire is looking active, so that's fun! What could possibly go wrong if the tectonic plates are shifting?

Brexit deadline is in like 72 hours, and as of an hour ago, the BBC was still reporting that nobody has any idea what the hell is going on. Seriously, in what logical universe does this happen? None. None logical universes have this happening.

We went from "Give Hope a Chance" to "Lock Brown Babies in cages" in two years. Two fucking years.

Either CERN zapped our timeline, or this is an artificial simulation where more and more fault decisions are being added, so as to find the breaking point in the code.

Because nothing else makes sense.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 11:50 AM on April 9 [14 favorites]


Please fucking stop with the auto-reposting-of-Alexandra Petri bot. Fucking fuck already.
posted by ctmf at 12:11 PM on April 9 [2 favorites]


Fuck bisexual erasure and also fuck grown-ass men that need to be mommied.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 12:40 PM on April 9 [4 favorites]


Was reading about pre WWII Paris, some novel, and it struck me that Germany at that time seemed to be sleep-walking into the disaster, or maybe better put, that the people didn’t feel so bad about the Nazis, their coming to power and etc - both no one saw it coming, saw how bad it would get or acted against it... there was a kind of blasé attitude or a complacency
and I was struck that here, now, the difference was that there is an active component that is actively working against Trump’s inclination towards fascism. I’m kind of losing my faith, the way that he’s dismantling how the government has traditionally worked (specifically not appointing heads of the various cabinet positions, leaving so much of the government rudderless ) : I tend to shy away from prognosticating (I’m almost never right) but goddamn if this doesn’t feel like they’re trying to cripple the very functions that would be working against them...
I’ve thought about sending copies of “Judgement at Nuremberg” to Barr (and the Supremes, and the acting heads of ... hell, everyone left in a position of power).
I’ll be wrong, though, again... and this will feel as ridiculous (in hindsight) as when my father-in-law told me Bush Jr. was replicating the fire at the Reichstag...
Despair is a sin, call your representatives, make your voices heard. Be on the right side of history.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:08 PM on April 9 [1 favorite]


My dad died Feb 22 very unexpectedly across the country.

My super cuddly, always there for me, never before sick cat aged 12-13 died March 28 after he just started limping the previous Sunday (4 days) and then they cleaned out the infection on Tuesday. He came home Wednesday and it was the worst night of my life then I rushed him back and he died.

I've only been able to take some small joy in one thing for the past 10ish days, and today Metafilter made me feel super bad about it. Neat. Just great. And it's a fucking videogame so who cares right. I know there's comments in there that are going to shit all over gamers saying we're all alt-right white manbabies too. And yep, there's the comment saying just that near the bottom now. I'm not sure I want to be in this world any more, and I don't think it really wants me to be in it either.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:09 PM on April 9 [11 favorites]


Frm Bklyn, have you read In the Garden of Beasts by Erik Larson? It's a history book about the year Hitler really rose to supreme power from the eyes of the new American diplomat and his family.

You may enjoy it if not.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:11 PM on April 9 [4 favorites]


We're at the boiling frog stage of Fascism. The only real question is when it'll switch over to open Fascism, or if we'll manage to somehow avoid it for this round.

I think we're going to be wondering that until the 2020 elections and we see whether Trump loses, and if so if he leaves office peacefully or tries to declare the elections invalid. I'm not sure which way to bet that, and I don't think I'm just being depressed, paranoid, and ranting about a guy I don't like. Trump is breaking the law left and right without any pushback or penalty, I can see him wondering why he should stop. Also, I suspect he thinks in some dark corner of his brain that if he ever stops being President he might be prosecuted for his crimes. I'm rather doubtful on that last, we saw with Obama that the Democrats will forgive just about anything, but I can see a paranoid man fearful of facing consequences worrying about it.

And the part that really bothers me is that if Trump does try to cancel elections, or refuses to abide by the results, I don't know if what Mitch, or the Republican voting public, will do. I'd **LIKE** to say that of course they'd go against Trump then, but I see no evidence to support that conclusion. I'm not sure they'd embrace a shift to open Fascism and a rejection of elections, but I'm not sure they wouldn't either. If they've been willing to support Trump breaking all the laws he has up until now, why should they stop if he breaks that one?

I'm giving serious thought to visiting my brother in California just before the elections so my family will be safe in LA in the event that Trump calls on the militias to kill his enemies.
posted by sotonohito at 1:34 PM on April 9 [5 favorites]


fluttering hellfire - came in here to basically fuckity fuck fuck scream about some of the meta thread responses pissing me off (ie about women's "fluidity"). solidarity to you!

bisexual erasure is real and it comes in doses (see MetaThread) and also from my life: an ex, cis het man, pronouncing-- "you're not bi." "I know you. You're not bi." Or is this about you not believing that someone who was once attracted to you, very stereotypically male man, could be attracted to someone not like you?

and also while I write this a fucking jackhammer is fuckity fucking grinding away into the ground outside, but seemingly, slowly slowly into my skull!

fuck binary thinking. fuck compartmentalizing ephermeral and subjective things into neat little boxes. fuck erasure of each individual's lived and authentic experiences.

fuck schadenfreude. fuck gloating. fuck ity fuck fuck

I had to preamble (using this noun as a verb) our previously brainstormed community norms in my classroom today and really really really privilege the idea to sit and listen. please just sit and listen when someone is telling you THEIR lived and authentic experience. You don't need to do anything but just LISTEN. you don't need to argue about whether or not it seems real to you or not simply because you, yourself, in YOUR life haven't experienced.

because, white fragility is REAL, and I see it every damn fucking time we talk about race in my classroom. every. damn. time.

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
posted by jj's.mama at 2:55 PM on April 9 [6 favorites]

SecretAgentSockpuppet: “You know, I started saying it as a joke a few years ago, but now, now I'm convinced CERN really did drop us through a wormhole or shifted our reality by a few parsecs or something.”
I've been wondering if perhaps Terence McKenna's Timewave Zero theory isn't as crackpot as we all thought.
posted by ob1quixote at 5:37 PM on April 9


Onthelastcastle, I’m so sorry. I want you here. And I understand, my familiar of 22 years passed, after traveling all over the country with me, and getting me through college, and leaving my childhood husband, and he was such a good cat, and I still miss him and keep a picture on my desk, and I do, I know how much it hurts, and I’m so sorry.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 6:04 PM on April 9 [6 favorites]


Where's the Wowie-Zowie thread
posted by petebest at 6:54 PM on April 9


[Couple comments removed because there's some stuff we can't really accommodate even in a Fucking Fuck thread just for site policy and safety reasons. OnTheLastCastle, I went ahead and sent you an email, totally fine to write to us at the contact form if you need to talk.]
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:02 PM on April 9


That's fine. Sorry to make you have to do that. I'll be fine.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 11:10 PM on April 9


Dear Labour Representation Committee:

I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, to not publish articles whose title boils down to "The Jews have stabbed us in the back".

For fuck's sake,
e447b
posted by entity447b at 3:52 AM on April 10 [5 favorites]


OnTheLastCastle, I'm so sorry.

Please don't feel like your reaction is wrong, even if it's not appropriate for MeFi. I'm finally putting together that I have something like a trauma reaction from my own kitty's last days, and I haven't been taking it seriously and now it's a real damn problem. These experiences can be deeply horrifying.

Please try and talk to people, ideally a professional, about your reactions. They're super normal, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with them alone.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:47 AM on April 10 [4 favorites]


Not sure if this deserves an FPP of its own, and if it does I'm not qualified to make it, but it's terrifying and worth noting: Hungary Is Lost, an article by Beda Magyar on the demise of democracy in his nation.

It's instructive in that the way Orban has slowly ground down democracy is similar (if on a grander and more successful scale) to what we're seeing with Trump.

Also, on the topic of press freedom, Georgia state lawmakers are proposing a law to regulate and control the press. It's probably just a stunt bill, but shit like that always is until suddenly it isn't. And I'm really doubtful that Trump's handpicked Supreme Court would uphold the First Amendment.
posted by sotonohito at 11:25 AM on April 10 [3 favorites]


I just feel like I'm going crazy. Are his supporters really talking about wanting him to be king? I feel like I cannot even be around people I know voted for this. Like, why? We're your friends and family and neighbors. Why do you find it so satisfying to cause harm to us? And I'm tired of being demonized for caring about human suffering. Sick and tired. I can't believe they're "winning." It's exhausting.
posted by Bacon Bit at 11:46 AM on April 10 [4 favorites]


Gah. I had a minor meltdown in therapy yesterday over my extreme anxiety and distress over where the country (and, to be honest, the rest of the world) is headed with no sign of anything to stop the snowball. It’s like watching a trainwreck in slow motion.

On an even gloomier note...
Is it too early to start a betting line on whether the 2020 elections will be “postponed”?
posted by Thorzdad at 12:09 PM on April 10 [2 favorites]


so here's the thing.

So on this website, I'm a loudmouth. but in my regular day to day life I am, well, super meek. I've got a performance personality that I put on when I have to give a talk, but outside of that, I'm generally very quiet and very inward-turning. I suspect that absolutely no one who knows me personally would ever say "the thing about that Thomas Pynchon guy is that he's exactly like Donald Trump."

But: my quietness? my tendency to defer to others? It's a reaction, probably an overreaction, to a very Trumpy part of my brain that's running all the time. How is this part of my brain Trumpy? It's Trumpy in that it's totes egotistical and completely convinced that I can or should know everything always. If I listen to the Trumpy part of my brain, I never learn anything, because learning things requires admitting you don't already know them, and the Trumpy part of my brain feels deep narcissistic injury when it has to admit that I don't already know something. If I listen to the Trumpy part of my brain, I am absolutely incapable of delegating any task ever — because the Trumpy part of my brain thinks I should be the best at everything, the absolute best, the tippy-top best, and that therefore I should be able to do all the things better than anyone else, without even breaking a sweat.

When I stopped being a boy child and started being a person, I guess when I was about 19 or 20, I learned that I should never let the Trumpy part of my brain run the show — that I should argue against it, that I should shout it down, that I should savor the feeling when the Trump module throws a narcissistic injury fit. But when I'm particularly depressed, or otherwise in a foul mood, sometimes the rest of my brain can't keep the Trump module in its box. It comes out of its box, and then tells me that I shouldn't ask for help ever, because only I can fix it. Only I can fix everything. "You have the best brain. everyone else is dumb." it adds. Fortunately, these days the worst thing the Trump module ever tells me to do is go on metafilter and win some narcissistic supply off of comment favorites.

I feel like I can understand the evil old fucker better because of my Trump module. But I hate having it in there. Solzhenitsyn's got this bit of Gulag Archipelago where he talks about how it would be simple if he could safely say that he was good and that the sadistic prison guards were bad, but really the line between good and evil doesn't separate people into discrete groups, but instead slices through us all, with everyone having some part of both good and evil in them.

But still it fuckin' smarts to see the man who might kill us all on screen and not think "that is a total alien, that thing is nothing like anyone I know, that is a monster without human qualities whatsoever," but instead have to think "I understand how he thinks that's an appropriate thing to do. I see the narcissistic injury he's trying to avoid. I see the narcissistic supply he's seeking."

It's gross.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 2:00 PM on April 10 [10 favorites]



Please don't feel like your reaction is wrong, even if it's not appropriate for MeFi. I'm finally putting together that I have something like a trauma reaction from my own kitty's last days, and I haven't been taking it seriously and now it's a real damn problem. These experiences can be deeply horrifying.


Thanks, friend. I realize that 1.) I absolutely blame myself for my cats death and 2.) mastering a particular thing has been a way to regain control

and I absolutely lost my fucking mind last night when that was framed as a bad thing, but it's okay. Cortex is the best. He messaged me and I went straight to bed which was the best possible idea.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 2:40 PM on April 10 [6 favorites]


I'm glad you're doing better today. We had to put one of our cats to sleep a couple months ago and it's very hard not to rehearse all the what-ifs. I hope you'll be kind to yourself about it - we do the best we can, y'know?
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 2:45 PM on April 10 [3 favorites]


OnTheLastCastle, I'm so sorry about your cat, and I'm also sorry how you were feeling about it. Also sorry if I didn't acknowledge your post at the time. I came in here and just posted without really communicating with other posts at the time. So I hope that it didn't trigger you in any way, but if it did, I'm sorry. Glad that others helped you out and hope you feel better. :)
posted by jj's.mama at 3:19 PM on April 10 [4 favorites]


RNT Pynchon, that totally makes sense to me. I think in an era where subtlety is not just lost but mocked, it's important to remember that the Trumpy module is held in check and perspective at all (the more the better, but any is the key). The orange wigmonster in the WH is a sick individual, and a rogue's gallery of sycophants and "players" make it seem like a real thing, but if he just had one or two moments of clarity here and there it'd be an entirely different world. His narcissism and (imo) dementia are running riot - not insignificantly possibly enhanced by speed - but most people have some kind of rudder or check on that.

Remember when Charlie Sheen went apeshit bonkers in public for a couple of weeks? I just think that's a possibility for a large percentage of people - for a couple of weeks. This guy in the WH has been that way for decades. There's no accepted filter, no accepted buffer, no accepted guide, just chaos. Most of us don't have that particular flavor of problem because most of us accept something that tempers it. And I appreciate your calling it out as a thing.
posted by petebest at 4:45 AM on April 11 [2 favorites]


Food bank was open from 10-11, not 11-12. Fuck.
posted by Tenuki at 1:33 PM on April 11 [1 favorite]


IT'S FRIDAY.

Fuckin YAY.
posted by petebest at 5:02 AM on April 12 [1 favorite]


Almost all of my coworkers are Trump-voting morons, which ought to be a redundant statement but they are still too fucking stupid to ever get it. These are people with degrees and professional licences! And they are so mind bogglingly fucking stupid! If there isn't a blue wave in 2020 my head might explode.
posted by Blue Genie at 7:56 AM on April 12 [2 favorites]


but if he just had one or two moments of clarity here and there it'd be an entirely different world.

Every now and then he does. ("I'm not a drinker...It's one of my only good traits....Can you imagine if I had? What a mess I'd be? I'd be the world's worst.")

It's the only thing that keeps me from slipping into thinking he's truly a non-human, something-from-space kind of monster. He's just a guy, just a shitty, shitty guy who never got raised right. Not that much worse than me, not that much worse than most of us. Just by a fluke of a bogus society, a regular shitty guy who has 100,000x the power of every other shitty guy.

It's a real drag.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:40 AM on April 12 [3 favorites]


Guys the coverup of the Mueller report broke me. I live in a fascist kakistocracy where the president is above the law. I have a young daughter and I don't want her to grow up in Naziland. How do you try to teach someone to be honest and good when there is clearly no fucking point and morals are a mug's game?
posted by kirkaracha at 11:23 PM on April 12 [2 favorites]


Consider who in the Republican Party would be able to Re-Trump what has been done. Ivanka? Jr? Nunes? Hannity? No. No one is as perfect a specimen of motormouth, mob, narcissist, dementia, and daddy-didn't-love-me on disgustingly naked display. It can't be done.

Would the "next Trump" be competent? Would evil plans be implemented without self-defeating tweets? Will the Democratic leadership remain as oppositionally stiff as a wet noodle? Well, maybe on that last one yeah, it's at least on-brand. But the rest of it just seems kind of far fetched.

MAGAhats need stupid. It's part of it. Someone who made sense about their racist nihilistic actions would just confuse them. It could happen, of course. But there's no one on the radar like that so - let's see if "everyone is born with a finite amount of energy like a battery" guy can survive POTUSing. I have a feeling he'll find his own way out sooner rather than later. Speed and cheeseburgers are a helluva drug.
posted by petebest at 8:26 AM on April 13 [1 favorite]


Went away from everything for 12 days and lived in a tense house with 7 other men and it sucked. How in the fuck did they get selected?

Mechanical problems, land two hours away. Trouble getting a ride. Come home, dogs squat and pee and step in it and lick my face while I'm trying to clean that up and I just want to drive for a while before people know I'm back but the truck is up to it's gills in the creek, the winch torn off and hanging from a tree so I take the rideshare car and coast it down the drive before I start it.

Phone powers up and I'm logged in to my partner's Uber and she had a tough couple weeks she did. Two vomiters and somebody tried to get rough.

Then it pings and auto-accepts but I can't cause I'm not in my own account and then I get a "please come get me out of here nobody will" text from the rider. Thought I was home. Shit. Look at the address. Nobody will pick them up there. I don't look like my housemate but the car is what pax expects and the name is close so I go not knowing that somebody in a grey sedan has been trying to abduct children round here or that somebody got in the wrong car while I was gone so when 7 angry men surround me at the pickup pin I'm thinking maybe I'm dreaming that I flew home and maybe there is no such thing as home but I know the passenger's name and I can and do explain.

Her face is all cubist planes and she's wearing a dress not from here and she wants to sit up front. Not drunk, something else.

You ok? No. Just flew back from home. Thought I was ok but I fell asleep for 6 hours and nobody could wake me up and I couldn't get picked up. And it was the first time she'd been home in five years and the Phillipines in their present state remind her of martial law under Marcos when she was little and the bodies of people shot after curfew got dumped in front of her house as a warning to her parents and they sent her to a good school here and now she works in advertising. Do you like that? No.

It's the last house at the end of the road she says. Pull in and she doesn't get out. So I tell her about my parents going to China with Nixon and touring all the anticommunist dictatorships afterwards and how my mom was struck by how similar the geist was in South Korea, Taiwan and the Phillipines and passenger is really stunned that I know anything and the conversation becomes exactly what two people getting dumped from one unreality into another need to hear before recalibrating.

It's a bit awkward when we have nothing left to say. Cracked the shells right off each other we did and now here we sit in the driveway of the last house at the end of the road and we are falling asleep.

You gotta get out and I gotta go home. Well, maybe don't drive on your friend's account anymore but I'm glad you did this time. Glad I did too.

So now she gets to go back to making people want what they don't and I get to stand in a cold creek. The world is just perfect.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 6:54 PM on April 13 [5 favorites]


My wife works in heritage tourism. One of her colleagues/closest friends runs a state historic site, the Caddo Mounds, in Alto, Texas. They were having a special Caddo Culture Day yesterday and a tornado hit. There were many injured. The site director’s husband and a few others were helicoptered out. Bus loads of people from the Caddo Nation come down from Oklahoma for this event every year. There were a lot of people in this very remote spot in a very rural area.

The site was amazing. A group of volunteers built a huge grass house a few years ago. The forestry department at the college grew switchgrass for it. People stripped pine trees by hand. It was hard work, and it was a great bonding experience. So much work, so much incredible coordination by this lovely woman who takes her job very seriously. There was a new interpretive garden. An artist-in-residence program was about to start. So many great plans. Now she’s sitting in a waiting room waiting to find out if her husband is paralyzed, knowing that the past few years’ worth of work is gone.
posted by mcdoublewide at 8:00 AM on April 14 [3 favorites]


this is part a fucking fuck about an acquaintance whose brain has been... well, if it hasn't been eaten by brain worms, it's at least been nibbled on by brain worms. And it's part an ask for tips on how to de-wormify people who have this kind of worm in their brain.

So. This guy has always been a solid liberal — and I'm using this term in the "I am one of those people who draws a distinction between the pro-capitalist centrist social liberals and the actual left" way. He's worked in the nonprofit sector his entire life, and has been very successful about it — director titles, huge salaries, etc. He's currently doing development work for a major university (read: he schmoozes with extremely rich people in the interest of getting them to give the university giant piles of money). His compensation for this networking work is in the quarter of a million dollars a year range.

We don't live in the same area anymore, but while we were both attending an event recently I had a long conversation with him over drinks. He said he had some new political ideas he wanted to bounce off of me.

His new political ideas are all, as far as I can tell, derived from Steven Fucking Pinker, who he has started avidly reading. His new position can roughly be described as follows:
  1. Whereas previously he had thought that ecological disaster was impending and that we have only a few short years to act, now he is convinced that technology developed within capitalist nations will bail us out just in time, because scientists and engineers are smart, because capitalism is good at finding efficiencies, and it would be simply inefficient to not find technology to solve climate change.
  2. Things everywhere are getting better, and it's all thanks to neoliberalism — the best politico-economic system the world has ever seen. There's less war than there's ever been, there's less extreme poverty than there's ever been (there's one particular world bank study he cited again and again and again and which he sees as the linchpin of his argument), everything is getting better everywhere and it's getting more better more quickly than ever before. Neoliberalism is the best thing the world has ever seen, and it is simply tragic that people like AOC are threatening it by proposing to replace it with dread socialism.
  3. Although people will die because of climate change before the miracle of technology bails us out, people are dying at a slower rate today under neoliberalism than they were at any time previous, so that's okay.
  4. Anyone who disagrees with that world bank study is an unreasonable marxist ideologue bent on destroying, for no good reason whatsoever, the best system the world has ever seen. The Green New Deal, specifically, is a terrible idea, because anything that gets in the way of neoliberalism will make things worse, and that moreover it's totally unnecessary because of point 1: brilliant boffins working for capitalists will save us all, so there's no need for any political action against climate change whatsoever.
I had previously seen solid critiques of the methodology behind the world bank poverty study, and specifically the use of it made by Steven Pinker. (see: this piece by anthropologist Jason Hickel). He dismissed it out of hand, because of point 4 above: he believes that the world bank is a reasonable arbiter of this sort of question, and that any critiques of the rock-solid methodologies of the world bank can only come from marxist ideologues. I noted that most of the reduction in extreme poverty over the last 40 years has been a result of the rise of state capitalism in China rather than anything happening in the neoliberal world; he argued that China Schmina, extreme poverty is going down everywhere, your argument is invalid.

Has anyone met this cluster of brain worms before, and have you had any success deprogramming people who have caught them? The reason why I think this is important is that this guy is, well, low-key influential and connected to people who are out-loud influential, so changing his mind could help change the minds of the people who hold genuine power under liberal capitalism. But also I think he's sort of a canary — he spends all his work time schmoozing with the wealthy, and he's caught the cluster of ideologies that the wealthy have caught.

The despairing part of my brain (which tbh is about 97% of the total mass of my brain) is convinced that there is no persuading him; that he believes what he believes because of his class position, and that the psychological benefit he experiences from new set of beliefs are so dramatic that he will never let them go. And, like, I understand why he finds this to be such a balm: when you put these ideas together, the practical implications are roughly: "I, a rich person, am not threatened by climate change, so that's good, I, a rich person, do not have to deal with precarious economic situations, so that's good, and moreover because rich people like me are making the world continually less bad in every way every day, I, a rich person, can safely enjoy my awesome life without worrying about anyone else."

But there's that 3% of my brain that knows that people like Natalie Wynn are out there every day deprogramming actual legit internet nazis, and that therefore it may be possible to deprogram self-regarding rich Pinkerites as well.

So on the one hand: FUCKING FUCK! BRAIN WORMS HAVE EATEN MY FRIEND!, but on the other hand: FUCKING FUCK! DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO PRY THESE PARTICULAR WORMS OUT OF PEOPLES' HEADS CAUSE I THINK WE HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO AT LEAST TRY.

I'm aware that his point of view is nonsense — hell, I'm friends with a lot of the brilliant boffins who he thinks will save us with their marvelous technologies, and all those brilliant boffins are running around with their hair on fire because they know that (for example) most carbon capture schemes run afoul of the second law of thermodynamics in ways that are fundamentally unfixable, and because they know that the capitalists who fund technological development are much more interested in making new fun computer toys than they are in stopping climate change. Because, like my rich friend, they're not meaningfully threatened by climate change — the rich can just fuck off to private estates in New Zealand if things go too sideways in the rest of the world.

I know my rich friend is wrong. What I'm looking for isn't reasons why he's wrong: what I'm looking for are practical tips for deprogramming him.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:12 AM on April 14 [2 favorites]


(The context for this is the massive system upgrade I'm partly responsible for. We're testing this morning.)

In no particular order:
  • Hey, system vendor and host? The database server we were told would be up this morning still doesn't exist, and we're two hours past the time you said it would be available. I kinda need to get some very fucking important processes up and running.
  • Yes, helpdesk, we know that the system is still down and students are contacting you to tell you about it. Tell them to read the service status page like the 'system is down' page is asking them to in mile-high letters and fuck off. In the mean time, stop bothering us to change the wording of that page because we have more important shit to do right now like actually bringing the system back up.
  • Learning technologist guy, I think you're cool and all, but the proper response to "How do I test this HTML filter function" is not "Give me fifteen minutes and I'll put together a video showing you how". Just type the shit up.
  • Identity/access people. I...just...why in the BOWELS OF CHRIST would you leave a user-creation job running when you know--you know--the system you're trying to create users for is going to be down for three days? The first person who gets pissy at me over the resulting errors is going to have to eat his own head.
Thank god for my blood pressure medication. FUCK.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:14 AM on April 15 [2 favorites]


Trump is visiting the Minneapolis area today.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:16 AM on April 15 [2 favorites]


Notre Dame is burning!
posted by rue72 at 11:22 AM on April 15 [5 favorites]


Notre Dame is burning!

This has finally brought me to one of these threads.

FUCK
posted by tavegyl at 11:53 AM on April 15 [4 favorites]


Thank you tavegyl. There was a frontpage post on it for about 4 seconds but it got deleted before I could favorite enough of the fucks in it, so I'm glad somebody put a "fuck" here.
posted by Don Pepino at 12:06 PM on April 15


Big fuck you to accounts on Twitter / other social media platforms using the Notre Dame events for any agenda other than reporting truthfully on the events, their impact, and the tragedy for Paris/France/all of us really. Especially big fuck you to accounts trying to link the fire to racial or other groups, spreading conspiracies about it, or putting it into memes to support political agendas. I know the "report this post" type functions on most of these sites are worthless but firing up my clicking button now.....
posted by inflatablekiwi at 4:58 PM on April 15 [3 favorites]


At the train station on the way back, a woman came up to me asked if I could spare a dollar, so that she could buy her toddler some dinner. She was leading her little girl by the hand, and when I was rummaging around in my purse for cash, she misunderstood my millenial cashlessness for me being reluctant to put cash in her hand, so she said I could put it in her daughter's hand instead.

I swear to fucking God. What a fucking world we live in, where a woman trying to put some food in her baby's stomach has to deal with people who don't want to give her money, and only want to put it in the hands of a baby?

I told her that I didn't have cash, but I had my credit card, so I asked what she wanted. And all she wanted was a fucking donut for her daughter, who hadn't eaten since lunch and was asking for food. I ended up getting her a donut and two sandwiches, because I ordered her a sausage one then realized that I'd just ordered a woman in a hijab a pork sandwich. So I ran back, and she was so startled. And said that when you were as desperate as her, it was OK to eat pork.

I got her a turkey one, too, and now I'm sitting at my computer crying instead of doing work. What kind of world do we live in?
posted by joyceanmachine at 7:05 PM on April 15 [15 favorites]


Thank you for realizing and for getting her that turkey sandwich. I bet anything it would not have hit me until the next day and then I'd've been covered in shame for all eternity. I'm so glad you thought of it in time, and I'm so glad she got two sandwiches.
posted by Don Pepino at 7:12 PM on April 15 [4 favorites]


... and another Canadian province, Alberta, following Ontario just elected another dumbassed racist regressive majority government. Feh.
posted by porpoise at 7:50 AM on April 17 [2 favorites]


Work has been super, mega-busy for the past couple of weeks, and we are finally coming out of it. I had free time today, and I will have more free time tomorrow. They couldn't have released the frigging Mueller report last week? The last thing I need is for that damn thing to come out when I can obsessively check Twitter at work.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:00 PM on April 17 [2 favorites]


I'm just picturing Mueller sitting around with John Boehner ('member him?) getting toasted on bad Virginia wine (I regret to inform the uninitiated that, while residents of that fair state may pretend otherwise, ~90% of VA wine is pretty bad), while not actually confronting his own provision of procedural cover for this utter shitshow of affairs.

I walked in this morning to a bloviating Wolf Blitzer bleating half-thoughts and jumbled folk-sayings about said shitshow, and dog help me if I don't actually agree with the president that CNN sucks.
posted by aspersioncast at 7:52 AM on April 18 [1 favorite]


Fuck companies that allow me to upload my resume and then make me reinput all of the exact same info into Taleo or icims or whatever awful HR software they use for Katie in HR.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:18 PM on April 19 [8 favorites]


Yeah. They don't have it together. Also one or two of the four are going away as soon as the new cloud-only version comes online whihch won't really be used for an additional year plus the new proxy that requires a login with your token and you will by design never remember either and always have to re-set it to use it. Every. Blessed. Time. Because thats how we do.
posted by petebest at 9:54 AM on April 20 [1 favorite]


I wish workday had a universal profile because I've filled out the exact same form for 5 diff companies now.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 12:28 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]


This weekend, we drove down South to spend some time with my mom. Theoretically, this is a good, battery-charging thing. But in reality, we're noticing her excuses for rarely coming to see us--and positively never at holidays--seem weaker than ever. Plus, it turns out she has been returning, exchanging, giving away, or throwing away most of the gifts we've given her the last few years. And when we offered to help cook this weekend, it turns out she hates most of what we cook.

So if your mom is like a really polite, chipper southern lady who operates under a 24/7 mask of cheerfulness, how can you even tell if she actually likes you, or just tolerates you because you're her kid?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:02 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]


Such fucking cruelty.

Why is the world such a horrible place. Why are we such horrible people. I hate that the best I can give is some fucking "thoughts and prayers" and like some fucking spare change.

That old chestnut "what benevolent God could exist and let such terrible things happen" is such bullshit, too. "God has no hands but ours." We did this. And why?
posted by rue72 at 9:38 AM on April 21 [3 favorites]


And I hate that I'm sitting here torn between horror at hundreds of people murdered while they worshiped on a holiday about hope...and happiness over an estranged friend reaching out, sadness over other relationships that have spreading areas of rot, petty bullshit that matters to nobody but me.

Fuck I have to go do some random civic thing that I'm not even sure I care about anymore, and that's even pettier than my random relationship fretting. What the fuck ever.
posted by rue72 at 9:42 AM on April 21 [2 favorites]


Sorry that I'm not always in this thread until I have to vent myself.
But just now my brainwashed Baptist sister pulled the implication of me going to hell when I said I'm agnostic. (I'm really atheist, I usually say agnostic to avoid the big fight.)

To recap, my sister's church has her believing all US Muslims are terrorists. She and her lazy-ass husband, who's lived off her for years but thinks striking teachers should be fired, have said, "Trump ia getting things done."

Her daughter's family, whom I no longer even talk to, includes a cop who told me - the last time I saw them summer of '16 - that "this country works despite diversity," and "Putin isn't really that bad."

Meanwhile I've marched in 95F heat for the Families Belong Together, and donate to RAICES. I've called and texted for progressive candidates, and had trump supporters threaten me. I'm quite certain the historical Jesus (and god/Jesus, if there were one) would be out marching, and condemning the trump Nazis.

But yeah, my evangelical family thinks they're the ones going to heaven. I guess they envision Jesus giving them two thumbs up and saying, "Loved the baby cages, that's really ME."

Anyway, if you are celebrating any religious holiday this weekend, I hope it is good for you. We in the Great Lakes are having a lovely day, and this may finally be full-fleged spring!
posted by NorthernLite at 11:34 AM on April 21 [3 favorites]


My boss has to put her kitty down today. The last time we talked it had sounded like the cat was doing basically all right, and she is a young cat, and a good cat, and a very precious cat to her humans, and just fuck this world with all its senselessness and heartache.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:39 AM on April 22 [2 favorites]


This is the most minor of fucks (especially in a divorce context!), but I need to rant somewhere.

So, my & soon-to-be-ex's cell phones were together on one account under his control. In order to split my number off onto my own account, he had to deactivate my line, then I had to re-activate my phone with a new temporary number, let our company know, and then they would switch and give me my old number back.

A week ago, I got an email from STBX (soon-to-be-ex, also stock market symbol for Starbucks?) saying that he would be disconnecting at noon on Saturday, and as a courtesy, he would check the box that would give me permission to transfer my old number. (A very , very minor courtesy, but whatever.) So, Saturday I made sure to stay around the house. Nothing happened, still had service. Same yesterday. I sent him an email today, letting him know I still had service, and asking what was up. I got an email back saying "this takes time, patience plz"

While out at lunch today, I get an email forwarded from him about the disconnect, and 2 seconds later my phone deactivates. OF COURSE I was out at lunch, with no wifi. And couldn't do anything about it. ggaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I went back to work, re-activated my phone, but now have a temp number.

Of course, I'm waiting for a call from my vet, who will get a message that my number is disconnected. I was also in the middle of 3 Tinder bae text convos. I sent a test text, and it seems to disappear into thin air. I don't think those will be of any big importance, and this should all be fixed in the next few hours, but still. SO frustrating. Especially after he picked a date and time and made a big production out of it. The other thing is that because he forwarded me the emails from the phone company, I can see that he didn't make the initial disconnect request until after I reminded him today.
posted by Fig at 11:33 AM on April 22 [5 favorites]


I found out very recently that my best friend from years ago died. I was operating under the assumption that he had died about six years ago but turns out no - he was alive until a couple weeks ago. I had a dream about him about six years ago and I assumed this was a sign that he had moved on. I never got to say goodbye to him and that really, really hurts. I miss you bud. love ya.
posted by some loser at 2:26 PM on April 22 [2 favorites]


I have recently acquired agoraphobia which is fucking weird and impossible to logic myself out of. what the hell.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:45 PM on April 24 [5 favorites]


Today, I am inexplicably infuriated that, 3+ years on, most of the US media are still treating Individual 1 as if he were a legitimate President, instead of a career scofflaw/criminal and pathological liar who's been caught lying in public literally thousands of times just in the past couple of years.

And yet they still point cameras at him, ask questions, and treat the word salad they get in response as if it were meaningful.

Is there anything that could make them adjust, change their tactics, and stop treating the White House and the GOP as good-faith actors?

(Please consider this last question rhetorical, as after all, this is the Fucking Fuck thread.)
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 8:58 AM on April 26 [5 favorites]


I was just coming in to ask why the media doesn't push back on all these R senators (there absolutely is evidence of crimes) and/or scream Benghazi back at them. Cite the indictments and guilty pleas. I'm trying so hard to not fall into a pit of despair but it's really starting to feel like this is out of control and there's not really anything in place to stop it. He's not going to leave office quietly even if we do manage to overcome the election interference and Faux News' blatant lying and pandering to an audience of one. Send help.
posted by Bacon Bit at 10:16 AM on April 26 [4 favorites]


I own a house. I seriously wonder how long single women are going to be allowed to own property. It's honestly a factor in why I'm not moving.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 5:57 PM on April 26 [1 favorite]


I've never commented much in the politics threads, but back in the very early days after inauguration, this new Russia investigation was being discussed, and a few people were saying this was a good strategy, it's our best shot, etc. I made a couple despairing comments along the lines of, oh yes of course if only we had an official report implicating Trump in funny business, then I'm sure we could get enough Rs to join us in throwing the fucker out. Surely this! Over time, I had started to think I was wrong, and the Mueller investigation might actually save us after all.

Lol. Of course not. I was right the first time. Surely this.
posted by gueneverey at 6:51 AM on April 27 [1 favorite]


> Executive time is lit this morn. 61 tweets already. 57 of them Trump retweeting random firefighters/people who hate Joe Biden.

I say, our President is certainly having a normal one this morning!
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 4:57 AM on May 1


« Older The MeFi Music Mixtape Swap 2019   |   Could we see more "Best Of" in the "Best Of"... Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments