"See if you can start a filibuster" April 23, 2019 2:35 PM   Subscribe

"Life is like politics: 10% getting things done. 90% exploiting loopholes." That's the summary of a classic Peanuts strip, now colorized. This is the latest hyucking hyuck thread.
posted by filthy light thief to MetaFilter-Related at 2:35 PM (76 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

The prior thread has been closed for a few days, so it's time for fresh start.

With Trump's complaints about it being "Very discriminatory, hard for people to sign on" to Twitter (link to comment in current MegaThread), I see that he might be talking about Twitter shutting down 5,000 pro-Trump bots retweeting anti-Mueller report invective (Ars Technica, April 23, 2019).

Which made me wonder, how long until Trump wants Twitter accounts to be counted by the census? Har!
posted by filthy light thief at 3:07 PM on April 23 [5 favorites]


This mashup goes out to the all the Brexit thread regulars!

(I'm Gonna Tell) 500 Lies - Nigel Farage's Brexit Party manifesto anthem
posted by Doktor Zed at 3:22 PM on April 23 [6 favorites]


Wouldn't it be grand if Trump connected Stephen Miller's contributions to that Twitter account with its reduced number of followers?
Anything that inches that guy closer to the door, I'm for.
posted by Iris Gambol at 4:14 PM on April 23 [3 favorites]


B3ta.com is mostly Infamous for its British-based satirical photoshops and gifs, but they're preparing for Trump's upcoming UK visit.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:29 PM on April 23 [3 favorites]


It was 90 years ago today, Herbert Block, aka Herblock, published his first political cartoon. Here is a collection of his best. Not many yukyuks here, especially when you consider how many of them still apply, after 20... 40... 60... 90 years.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:09 PM on April 23 [5 favorites]


"Because the president had not included any Senators in the American delegation, and the Republicans had regained control of the Senate in the 1918 elections, the prospects for ratification of the treaty were cloudy, and indeed in November 1919, the Senate rejected the treaty."

Same as it ever was. ( repeat chorus)
posted by clavdivs at 8:32 AM on April 24 [2 favorites]


As I read about Trump going after Clinton's emails, I always remind myself that Trump tried to invite himself to Chelsea Clinton's wedding in 2010 and was firmly denied, and wonder if that motivated his behavior during the 2016 election.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:06 AM on April 24 [9 favorites]






Bill and Hillary were reportedly reluctant guests at the Trump wedding.
posted by ZeusHumms at 12:15 PM on April 24


But skilled in the "smile when you're bored out of your minds" when Donnie was pontificating at full force.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:09 PM on April 24 [4 favorites]


Bill and Hillary were probably blinking out messages in morse code.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:23 AM on April 25 [1 favorite]


I know it's folly to try making sense of this guy's best words, but is the president calling for a wall of dogs now? (Aaron Rupar Twitter). Because I might could get behind that.
posted by mcdoublewide at 7:34 AM on April 25 [1 favorite]


I Am Donald Trump’s Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and I’ve Seen Enough. It’s Time for Impeachment. (Donald Trump's Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Salon) [Real Fake]
This is about constitutional principles, not the fact that people keep vandalizing me.
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:35 AM on April 25 [2 favorites]


Who Ate My Cheese?

Rats. The expression, not the animals.
posted by petebest at 9:14 AM on April 25 [2 favorites]


I live in Ohio and am avoiding reading anything more about 6 week abortion bans because I remember well the feeling of "oh huh my period is late" and taking a second pregnancy test to confirm, WHEN I WAS ACTIVELY TRYING TO BECOME PREGNANT holy shit most people don't have any idea they are pregnant at 6 weeks and it's all such bad faith bullshit and I am so fucking angry and then have to take a break to talk myself down a bit and like, feed my kid or keep working, or try to notice something beautiful just as a coping mechanism.

Has anyone ever met a person who was pro life who was acting in good faith? I just don't understand the position, or who occupies it besides evangelicals and forced birth monsters and old white men. I see young women in the photos of people rallying about it and I don't understand at all.

I don't actually want anyone in this thread to try to explain it to me, either. It's not a debate, for me.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 10:14 AM on April 25 [3 favorites]


The other day, someone suggested referring to modern American propaganda as the Fox News Cinematic Universe, s'il vous plait.
posted by Arson Lupine at 1:23 PM on April 25 [2 favorites]


pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets”: Not sure how I feel about Bernie’s voting rights plan
I believe in one man, one vote. But how do we pick the one man who gets to vote? Clearly it should be the strongest man of all. Who is the strongest man? Is it a sumo wrestler, or a yoga master, or some sort of electric green fellow? There’s only one way to decide: with a fighting tournament held on my private island.—Bernie Sanders
posted by Doktor Zed at 3:27 PM on April 25 [1 favorite]




In the main thread, Doktor Zed said of the "Bring Your Kids Day" event that

The best that can be said is that this was no Boy Scout Jamboree.

and for a blissful moment of slight confusion I interpreted "Boy Scout Jamboree" as an idiom for a wholesome event, by extension from calling a person a "Boy Scout" proverbially. Than I remembered.
posted by InTheYear2017 at 5:05 PM on April 25


“I am a young, vibrant man!” — DJT this morning.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:23 AM on April 26


Democrats 2020: [We cannot sustain endless repeats of the same set of bickering in the catchall. Thanks.]
posted by petebest at 7:35 AM on April 26 [4 favorites]


I was listening to 1A yesterday and the way the host Joshua Jackson pronounces "subpoenas" it sounded like, "soo-penis" and made the discussion more delightful.
posted by frecklefaerie at 6:30 AM on April 27 [1 favorite]


And I suppose this is more of a squee than a hyuck, but guess who got just got a last minute invite to the White House Correspondents Dinner!!!
posted by frecklefaerie at 7:10 AM on April 27 [4 favorites]


Putin John. Worth it, in my 7-year old-mind's considered opinion.
posted by petebest at 9:02 AM on April 27 [1 favorite]


host Joshua Jackson
Joshua Johnson.
Pacey pronounces "subpoenas" the mundane way.
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:10 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]


The New York Time referred to Trump's claim that women and doctors conspire to kill babies immediately after their born was characterized by the New York Times as: "President Trump revived an inaccurate refrain".

Cancel your subscription.


Matt Fuller:
Just occurred to me that we should tweet about Game of Thrones in the style of the New York Times covering a Trump rally. For example, Cersei is known for her inaccurate refrains. Tormund Giantsbane is a firebrand sometimes known for incendiary remarks and behavior. #GoTasNYT

While some accuse the Night King of wishing to bring death to all, he contends that his mission is simply to bring forth a seasonal change that would slow the harmful effects of global warming. He says most supporters are simply fed up with the unequal feudal system. #GoTasNYT

The Night King acknowledges how racism has played a small role in his ascent among the White Walkers, but he also points to the legitimate concerns of his supporters regarding a caste system that has left them for dead. #GoTasNYT

Some operatives worry that Daenerys Targaryen is “unlikable” and “not a leader.” One adviser even said she could be “as shrill as one of her dragons.” But advisers are working on a proposal where Targaryen would share the Iron Throne with the well-respected Jon Snow. #GoTasNYT
Ramsay, scion of the influential Bolton family, has been criticized for his use of advanced interrogation techniques and questionable animal husbandry practices.

Opinion | What the North (especially Jon Snow) gets wrong about the White Walkers, by Cersei Lannister. #GoTasNYT

Sam Tarly, a key Snow ally who is sometimes criticised for his background in elite education, made the following comments...


"Investigation reveals no clear link between the Lannisters and those paying the Lannisters's Regards."


Sansa Stark’s lack of executive experience has led many in the North to question who was truly behind her meteoric rise to power #GoTasNYT

"though he threatens to wipe out the entire human race, farmers in the excruciatingly cold northern region finds the Night King's simple message appealing after years of wildling migration, which some have pointed to as a source of significant economics anxiety."

A spokesperson for the Night’s King denied reports that his troops had breached The Wall, adding that the media has to date failed to report on the “rapidly approaching caravans of illegal immigrants from Meereen and Yunkai”. #GoTasNYT
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:11 PM on April 28 [6 favorites]


Trump State Visit Menu Leaked

Looks yumptious!
posted by petebest at 6:13 AM on April 30 [2 favorites]


Anthony Weiner Shopping a Book Deal (warning: NYPost)

Anthony Weiner, “the serial sexter and former congressman — who is now living in a Bronx halfway house after doing hard time for sexting a teenager — is skulking around Manhattan’s publishing houses trying to shop a book proposal,”

“So far, interest has been flaccid.”

And, of course, the Post‘s front page

posted by petebest at 2:56 PM on April 30 [2 favorites]


https://coryb.kr/2vyZ63U

Using a South Korean tld for your campaign to be president of the US really doesn’t seem like the best idea.


So that got me to thinking:
Biden, Warren: no .en; also no .dn or .rn. (Cue joke about Biden using AOL or Geocities). Tough luck there.
Harris: .is for Iceland, .la is Laos
Bernie: .rs is Serbia, .ie is Ireland
Pete: .eg is Egypt
Beto: .to is Tonga, no .ke
posted by Huffy Puffy at 1:08 PM on May 1 [2 favorites]




In light of today's testimony, may I present my portrait of one Mr William Barr.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 7:30 PM on May 1 [2 favorites]


^ Time magazine cover, dude.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:31 AM on May 2 [2 favorites]


Trump: admits to crime on live TV
Pelosi: accuses Barr of crime on live TV

Me: d'oh
posted by petebest at 8:15 AM on May 2


Warning/ apologizing in advance: I'm about to mix politics and religion.

I just posted a comment in the MegaThread about Jamacian pastors pushing to support abortion, citing scientific facts about the viability of the fetus at certain stages, and urging compassion in what is already a difficult decision.

The source article is from Life News, so of course they're posting this article to push against it, saying that there are brainwaves at 9 weeks and a heartbeat at 16. My snarky internet rebuttal, and potential real-world sign in the future: "Emancipate Unloved Fetuses!" If they're clearly not wanted by these ungrateful mothers, who have been given such a blessing, why not offer the child-to-be a chance to live a happy life on its own?

I know the answer: because they can't survive on their own that early. The earliest premature baby to survive was "born" at 21 weeks (USA Today, 2017), and that's considered a miracle.

Another stab of snark -- I recently saw a bumper sticker that said "So you'll let me teach evolution in your church?" It made me smile.

[I understand if this is too far from political humor and into political venting, and gets deleted -- the latest Fucking Fuck thread is closed, which probably means I should start a new one.]
posted by filthy light thief at 10:24 AM on May 2 [2 favorites]


Colbert takes the Barr testimony to its logical(?) conclusion

"There was Q&A; they asked the Q's and what he lacked in A he made up in hole"

When the truth is so outlandish, only comedians can be reporters.
posted by petebest at 5:11 AM on May 3 [1 favorite]


Trump, Putin discussed Mueller report and agreed no collusion, White House says

Well there ya go, then - case closed! Putin wouldn't lie would he? Not to his best pal Chump Trump...
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:46 AM on May 3 [1 favorite]


William Barr Declares Mueller Investigation Fully Exonerates Members Of Reagan Administration From Iran-Contra Involvement [Onion]

WASHINGTON—Following the completion of the special counsel’s 22-month probe, Attorney General William P. Barr declared Monday that Robert Mueller’s investigation fully exonerates all members of Ronald Reagan’s presidential administration from involvement in the Iran–Contra affair.

“I’ve reviewed Mr. Mueller’s findings and have determined conclusively that neither the late president nor any White House or Cabinet official serving between 1981 and 1989 ever ordered, oversaw, or even knew about the covert sales of American arms to Iran,” Barr said in a letter to the House and Senate judiciary committees, clearing key figures such as retired National Security Adviser John Poindexter and former staffer Oliver North in a move that finally lifts what many have seen as a dark cloud over the scandal-plagued presidency.

“I assessed this report carefully and can at long last say with full certainty that Caspar Weinberger, Robert McFarlane, Elliott Abrams, and all others in the president’s inner circle operated lawfully from the time of the initial dealings in 1981 until the illegal arrangement was exposed five years later. From the 1985 diversion of funds to Contra rebels in Nicaragua, to Reagan’s untruthful 1986 denial of an arms-for-hostage trade, to the flagrant destruction of countless documents relevant to the investigation, everyone acted properly and with the best interests of the United States in mind.
It is my hope that the country can now move forward and put this unfortunate episode behind it.”

At press time, sources reported that Democratic leaders in Congress were still discussing a possible push for President Reagan’s impeachment.

posted by petebest at 12:14 PM on May 3 [4 favorites]


Does anyone else's brain see the phrase "Mueller Report" and immediately go something like:

(Wick wick wiiuck)
The Mueller Report
20... 2019
Mr. Rosenstein
Madame Speaker
I read the report
Must have had a leaker
I can't believe the way the president acted
You should not have seen that - Mr Barr redacted
Etc etc
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:25 PM on May 5 [2 favorites]


We're sick and tired of your ism schism game
Go hide in Mar-a-Lago under Trumpies name Lord
We know when we understand
Impeaching Trump is a mighty plan
You can gaslight people some times
But you can't ride Putin's ass all the time
And now we see the light
We gonna call the Congressional switchboard at 202-224-3121 and stand up for our rights
So you betta
posted by petebest at 10:10 AM on May 7 [2 favorites]


Putting the Yuk in Hyuk: McConnell is fundraising with ‘Cocaine Mitch’ t-shirts as drug deaths skyrocket in Kentucky

McConnell’s re-election committee is celebrating the first anniversary of the ads by making a joke out of the “Cocaine Mitch” nickname and selling commemorative T-shirts that show a faceless black and white image of the Kentucky Republican covered with cocaine powder and the words “Cartel Member” across the back.

.... oooooooOOOOohhh I get it! They're violent thugs tied to a shadowy world of governments murder and plague. Heh. eh. Boy, that's a tight 5, Mitch.
posted by petebest at 2:32 PM on May 8 [1 favorite]


Well, there were a lot of sightings at recent Trump rallies of tshirts that said "I'D RATHER BE A RUSSIAN THAN A DEMOCRAT".

But we should be unsurprised at Donald's '85-'94 tax returns... a celebrity feature in a 1992 issue of MAD magazine titled "When Should We Believe Them" includes one for Donald Trump: "When he writes a book telling us all what a financial genius he is OR When he has to beg his bankers to restructure his debt because of how broke he is". And in the next issue, a piece on "The Differences Between the '80s and the '90s": "IN THE 80s, Donald Trump began the chapter by chapter account of his success story, IN THE 90s, he seems to be stuck on Chapter Eleven".
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:36 PM on May 8 [3 favorites]


Stormy Daniels talks about Trump and 'the worst 90 seconds of my life' on standup tour (Guardian)
does she get offended that Donald Trump denies they had sex?

Quick as a streak of lightning, she said: “It doesn’t offend me. I mean, he also thinks climate change isn’t real.”
posted by Little Dawn at 8:07 PM on May 8 [4 favorites]


My regrettable libertarian romance: I rebounded from my experimental phase, but many don't (David Masciotra, Salon)
Some people experiment with drugs. My youthful indiscretion led me down the weird path of tribal individualism
My takeaway from this is "My Regrettable Libertarian Romance", which is the new name of my 80's pop cover band.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:39 AM on May 9 [3 favorites]


He Founded ‘Students for Trump.’ Now He Could Face Jail Time for Impersonating a Lawyer. (Politico)
According to the federal government, at the same time he was building a nationwide political network and serving as one of the most visible young faces of Trump’s populist movement, Lambert was also posing online as a high-powered New York lawyer, eventually making off with tens of thousands of dollars in fees he stole from unwitting clients seeking legal services.
posted by Little Dawn at 12:03 PM on May 9 [3 favorites]


"I'D RATHER BE A RUSSIAN THAN A DEMOCRAT"

Suggested response: "You will be."
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:23 PM on May 9 [5 favorites]


You might remember from last week or 100 years ago (who can tell) when the same duo of super geenuses tried to frame Mueller for assault tried to do the same to Democratic Presidential Candidate Pete Buttigieg. The problem with this last effort was the person they set up to lodge the false charges for them bolted before they had a chance to slander people all proper like. A true conundrum for the Dunkin' Duo. Now what??

That's right, Press Confereeeeeeeennnce! yeah after the story's been out as a complete slam-debunk. Awesome. So they got some doughnuts, put them on a box, set up a big TV on the front steps of their Mom's house, put "Press Conference" on the TV, dragged a lectern down from the second floor, and told the story that's already been globally broadcast as fake, and slander, and ridiculous to at least ten people or so. It went really well! Kathy Griffin chimed in. To the Twitter thread. Which is friggin gold.

It's Inconthievable.
posted by petebest at 1:16 PM on May 9 [1 favorite]


flings litigation like a monkey at a zoo.

That. Is awesome.
posted by petebest at 5:12 AM on May 10 [1 favorite]


TBH, whenever I read "This is the US Politics megathread.", I imagine Stephen Colbert reading it out like it's another episode of The Colbert Report.

"This. Is the US Politics. Megathread"

[cue theme music]
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:01 AM on May 10 [2 favorites]


I'm reminded of the sign-off line of an old BBC Radio broadcast that got repurposed as the title of a sci-fi book by 'Clockwork Orange' author Anthony Burgess: The End of the World News.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:08 PM on May 10 [1 favorite]




petebest, I'm getting that tingly feeling of vicarious embarrassment that I remember from watching Steve Urkel doing schlemiel bits as a child.
posted by Selena777 at 5:42 PM on May 10




From a story in the NYT, linked in the latest iteration of the enduring megathread:

The president will reveal some details about the proposal, which was developed by Jared Kushner, his son-in-law, during a Rose Garden ceremony on Thursday afternoon

All I can say is that Kushner sure picks some strange places to develop his immigration proposals...
posted by nubs at 2:53 PM on May 15 [1 favorite]


Well, you know how boring those official ceremonies can get, sometimes you start daydreaming about all sorts of different things, like how to get even more rich and how much you'd love to keep those filthy stinking furriners out of the country.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:16 PM on May 15




All these people crowding into the 2020 Democratic primary remind me of a gag from "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse". Each version of Spider-Man from an alternate universe got an opening montage. Each one was interesting in how it varied, but they started to get funnier and funnier with each repetition. Then they showed three of them in parallel.
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:47 AM on May 16 [3 favorites]


I saw in passing that Sanders and Biden weren't going to be in the same debating sessions initially. It felt like they were the top seeds in a basketball tournament bracket.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:17 AM on May 16 [1 favorite]


So, trust the plan is apparently a problematic slogan, and also there may or may not be a plan, but anyway it’s not as good of a slogan as Trust the Process.

(On the one hand, the Sixers lost in Canada in the semifinals. On the other hand, that’s a lot closer than they would’ve gotten without Embiid et al)
posted by Huffy Puffy at 9:18 AM on May 17


Get this: Deutsche Bank employs anti-money laundering specialists, who review suspicious transactions and make recommendations for further governmental investigation!

Deutsche Bank Staff Saw Suspicious Activity in Trump and Kushner Accounts (NYT)

Anti-money laundering specialists at Deutsche Bank recommended in 2016 and 2017 that multiple transactions involving legal entities controlled by Donald J. Trump and his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, be reported to a federal financial-crimes watchdog.
[...]
But executives at Deutsche Bank, which has lent billions of dollars to the Trump and Kushner companies, rejected their employees’ advice.

Oh.
Nevermind.
posted by Iris Gambol at 10:54 AM on May 19 [1 favorite]


Envisioning a scene at someone's high school reunion:

So, uh, how's that corruption thing working out for you?

Pretty good! Some long hours, but the money is top rate, and the best part is that you never have to face any consequences!

...got any openings?
posted by nubs at 11:20 AM on May 19 [2 favorites]




Not a political joke, just a seasonal one... But can I just remind y'all that...

If the next school year were to roll around and Child and Family Services would investigate you if your kid wasn't at their desk, they didn't graduate a fucking thing this month.

Thank you.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:49 AM on May 21 [1 favorite]


Remember, folks, there's no such thing as obstruction of justice!

- If there's a conviction on an underlying crime, then clearly any attempted obstruction of justice was unsuccessful.
- If there's no conviction on an underlying crime, there can't be any obstruction of justice.

That's some catch, that Catch-22.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:47 AM on May 21 [2 favorites]


2 years ago: When Donald Trump Touched the Magic Orb (James Parker, The Atlantic)
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:54 AM on May 22


“Hello! There were investigations going on three weeks ago when we met, and he still met with us,” Mr. Schumer said. “But now, when he was forced to say how he would pay for it, he ran away. And he came up with this preplanned excuse.”-Schumer

Brave sir Robin ran away, Bravely ran away.
When danger reared it's ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
posted by Bacon Bit at 10:51 AM on May 22 [2 favorites]




The following is a Very Special Episode of "petebest: A Few Deleted". I'd put it in the fucking fuck thread but frankly, there's a lot of heavy shit in there and this is just politics and the future of America. If it works better, start if off with some animals walking into a bar..

Speaking to reporters shortly after Trump’s appearance in the Rose Garden, Pelosi and Schumer said they were taken aback by Trump’s behavior.

“To watch what happened in the White House would make your jaw drop,” Schumer said.


Chuck ... are you high? Seriously did you hit the rock pretty hard in there or what - you must think we're complete assholes to try and push that shit off on us. You either knew exactly that that's what he'd do OR you wasted months of our time with that stupid bipartisan gambit that was for shit!

Pelosi said Democrats had been prepared to deliver a signature accomplishment to Trump at a time when the nation’s roads, bridges, airports and other infrastructure are ailing.

“He just took a pass, and it just makes me wonder why he did,” Pelosi said. “In any event, I pray for the president of the United States, and I pray for the United States of America.”


Seriously have you read the news? Anything? Do you need a puppet show to get up to ... see cause here's the thing - EITHER you're seriously the only people in DC who are shocked, yes shocked by Trumps demented, narcissistic idiocy, OR you're wasting everyone's time trying to crawl to 2020. Neither one is less than a total fail, though. I'm really dissatisfied with your performance here.

I know we all desperately want a PLAN that justifies this, but there isn't one. It's just a 40-year old Democratic playbook that has never, ever worked. This is the equivalent of college football running it up the middle for a gain/loss of about a yard every play for four hours. Do those games ever turn out well? No. No they do not. Coaches get fired mid-season for that crap. And frankly, I'm starting to wonder if this is the right school for these guys.
posted by petebest at 2:04 PM on May 22 [1 favorite]


All I know is that Trump must be a doggedly desperate man to do what he's doing.
posted by ZeusHumms at 2:13 PM on May 22


"All y'all are calling for impeachment but you don't realize Pelosi's inner genius. It's not the right time for impeachment right now. She's wise to wait until the middle of Trump's fourth term." — @EmilyGorcenski
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:17 PM on May 22 [2 favorites]


“He just took a pass, and it just makes me wonder why he did,” Pelosi said. “In any event, I pray for the president of the United States, and I pray for the United States of America.”


Thoughts and prayers are the general response of politicians to any fucking disaster. Why change the playbook now?
posted by nubs at 2:36 PM on May 22


And if Pelosi is afraid of galvanizing Trump's base by holding impeachment proceedings, perhaps it is time for her to fear her own base for not starting them.
posted by nubs at 2:40 PM on May 22 [4 favorites]


That scene in the rose garden tonight. Fuck me. It is the final scene of Casino. You can hear the helicopters overhead almost. He's unhinged and the walls are closing in.
posted by stonepharisee at 3:20 PM on May 22 [1 favorite]




I'm so irritated by Pelosi, here's an article about her son lawyering for a slumlord: Squalor continues at ‘The Pit,’ the residential hotel where Paul Pelosi, Jr.’s involvement baffles San Francisco officials
posted by Iris Gambol at 10:02 PM on May 22 [1 favorite]




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