Hyuck To The Future May 23, 2019 9:55 PM   Subscribe

Time to kick open another Hyucking Hyuck thread, for riffing and jokes and misc. non-hollerin' overflow from politics discussion on the blue.

See the original thread for context; basically this is a space for the stuff that's not so much venting content fit for the Fucking Fuck threads but that is a little (or a lot) too riffy to be a good use of space in the politics megathreads.
posted by cortex to MetaFilter-Related at 9:55 PM (84 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

Do you think he looks tired?
posted by Marticus at 10:08 PM on May 23 [10 favorites]


All this talk about Don McGahn and not one thing about him eating something from his ear in front of 20 million people With video of McGahn eating his ear booger during the Kavanaugh hearings. Because I am twelve years old, evidently.
posted by Doktor Zed at 10:15 PM on May 23 [24 favorites]


I now regret prodding cortex to open this post.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:18 PM on May 23 [25 favorites]


I was sincerely hoping you went to bed and forgot about the McGahn ear booger video, because I've been haunted by it all day and was just beginning to push it out of my mind and now it's back.

(Why yes, that does mean that there are, in fact, things I see about US politics that I don't post in the megathread.)
posted by zachlipton at 10:27 PM on May 23 [4 favorites]


Q: How many Donald Trumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Fucking moron could not change a lightbulb if his life depended on it, he is frail and weak and that is work for little people, fuck this guy so much somebody do something.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:23 PM on May 23 [25 favorites]


There, there meatbomb. We know.
(Turns off light.)
posted by Cranberry at 1:04 AM on May 24 [7 favorites]


I just watched Theresa May resign on Live News and give three weeks notice.

She cried towards the end of her speech.

News channels are now tripping over themselves to say how human she is and how we should all have sympathy for her.

FUCK THAT NOISE.
posted by Faintdreams at 2:49 AM on May 24 [23 favorites]


I would favorite the ear booger so many times if i could.
posted by Cocodrillo at 4:14 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]


Time to kick open another Hyucking Hyuck thread, for riffing and jokes and misc. non-hollerin' overflow from politics discussion on the blue.

Hey hey you're infringing on my personal Sam Kinison imitation freedoms! Nancy Pelosi says Trump needs and intervention but that's HER job! SHE'S the interVENTION! DO YOUR JOB NANCY!! OWW OHHWWWWWWWW!!

Sam Kinison imitation comments. Brought to you by Bush's Imitation Cocaine. Bush's! *snkkksnkkkk* OW OHHHWW!!
posted by petebest at 5:23 AM on May 24 [8 favorites]


This has nothing to do with politics that I know of, but I ran across a Twitter thread that asked "if you could tattoo four-letter knuckle tats on each fist, what would you get?" and days later I am still smiling and in awe at this response.
posted by drlith at 5:43 AM on May 24 [20 favorites]


Did someone in the megathread mention Warren's plan for Ashley's love life? And how she actually called her?

Look, I know this is social media action. I know Warren has issues. I've written to her about them as a constituent. But let me enjoy this. And let Bailey enjoy this.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:01 AM on May 24 [12 favorites]


Meatbomb, I just posted that on facebook because it made me laugh.
posted by theora55 at 7:11 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]


I'm excited for whatever is going to drop at wheels up for Japan this afternoon. I think I'll have a hitter and ice cream at the ready.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 7:26 AM on May 24


I think making Hayek into an epithet is a fine and timely idea.
posted by eotvos at 7:36 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]




That last post could also have been written about Boris Johnston. Except he’s not an idiot as much as an evil fucker pretending to be an idiot which...is that worse? There exists the possibility that we’ll soon live in a Universe where two of the most powerful positions in the world are held by hateful buffoons with terrible hair. Happy Friday everyone! *downs pint. rests head on pub table. cries*
posted by billiebee at 10:06 AM on May 24 [12 favorites]


I think making Hayek into an epithet is a fine and timely idea.

Serf n' turd?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:15 AM on May 24 [3 favorites]


Free advice to any Dem looking to jump up in the polls: if Trump loves nicknaming people so much, give him one before he gets to you.

Just start calling him Dumbass Donald and see if that doesn't take off like a rocketship.

Because the stickiest, meanest nicknames are the ones that are true.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:58 PM on May 24 [7 favorites]


Even as newspaper op-ed cartoonists are being fired all over (one large chain of small papers just dumped their last 3 local cartoonists) the quantity and quality of cartoon commentary is impresive. Examples:

Tom Toles asks "this guy wrote a book on deals?"

Jeff Stahler offers a far-too-true conversation between two White House aides. Meanwhlie, Stahler's NON-political comincs page toon got in trouble for something considered too political.

Ruben "Tom the Dancing Bug" Bolling offers a scenario on Electability.
While Jen Sorenson has more of a fantasy scenario.

Tom "Raging Pencils" Stanfill shows where two Big Issues dovetail into each other.

Marty Two Bulls (an authentic Native American) with an overdue depiction of an obvious change of uniform.

Clay Jones on The New Puitanism.
While Signe Williamson has something for the men.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:03 PM on May 24 [12 favorites]


And just 4 days after losing a few newspapers for a "ubiquity of shootings" cartoon , Jeff Stahler's Moderately Confused does another one....
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:55 PM on May 24 [6 favorites]


Biden oh man oh dude do your countryperson’s a service and drop out.

That guy is gonna throw a wet blanket on enthusiasm and turnout.
posted by notyou at 5:41 PM on May 24 [7 favorites]


I think making Hayek into an epithet is a fine and timely idea

Salma Hayek would like a word.
posted by carmicha at 5:49 PM on May 24 [4 favorites]


If you need something to hyuck about, I used to have a huge crush on Boris Johnson. What?! IT WAS PURELY PHYSICAL!!!
posted by The Toad at 8:13 PM on May 24


@RudyGiuliani: Check out this Yelp review for Mama Lisa Restaurant!

That's it. That's the whole tweet. No link or anything else.

But since Rudy already had his "ivesssapology" tweet today, this still ranks fairly high on the list of Rudy's coherent tweets.
posted by zachlipton at 9:01 PM on May 24 [4 favorites]


There exists the possibility that we’ll soon live in a Universe where two of the most powerful positions in the world are held by hateful buffoons with terrible hair.

Given their exceedingly successful efforts at bashing their own knees, shins, and shooting themselves in the foot, we'd be lucky if left anything to be powerful with by the time they're done destroying the entire infrastructure of keeping the world running smoothly. I suppose that will be a good thing for NotTheAnglosphere+3babyEyes
posted by hugbucket at 7:55 AM on May 25


My cats touched each other in their sleep TWICE this week and did not immediately wake up and commit double homicide. (Felicide?)
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:59 PM on May 25 [2 favorites]






The President's Cup trophy Trump presented to the Sumo champion is pretty lame compared with what the French gave a runner-up: a giant green macaroon.
posted by peeedro at 10:57 PM on May 26 [2 favorites]


i hope for a supercut of every instance among all the readers, i quipped, over on live megathread, while democratic representatives were reading the mueller report. although i'm no regular in hyucking threads, i think this is the more appropriate place to admit that hope was sincere enough that, when the internet declined to drop it immediately into my idle lap, i made the change that i wanted to see in the youtube. it is not ... super ... compelling. the danker supercut would have been all the stumbling over names by everybody; my dabbling in it felt like punching-down so i (mostly) stopped (one instance of "valdemir puddin'" remains because valedmir puddin' is adorable!). anyway, "negative space" it is. the original (13:39:xx, correcting for tail end of washington journal at the front) from c-span, i did not obtain. my source, foxnews on the tube, ends midsentence at 11:09:xx, orig. doj pdf p.324, early in the analysis section of examination of potential obstruction of justice instance "H. The President's Further Efforts to Have the Attorney General Take Over the Investigation," and omitting 71 pages of reading from the report proper, of which approximately three are redacted. i assume, in light of the fact that they stopped reading vol.1 at p.198, with 15 or so pages, several completely redacted, of declination decisions to go, that they did not read the appendices.
posted by 20 year lurk at 12:11 AM on May 27 [1 favorite]


I just watched Theresa May resign on Live News

I guess May is ending early this year.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:46 PM on May 27 [7 favorites]


i made the change that i wanted to see in the youtube.

Well done! Just get some boots-and-pants beats in there.
posted by petebest at 6:52 AM on May 28 [1 favorite]


This is actually a hyucking overflow I somehow have the etiquette today to put in here and not derail the Byte Magazine thread:

Sheena Easton's video for I'm Almost Over You (1983) is, I think, the first depiction of a woman not having it with a man's gaming bullshit.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 9:50 AM on May 28 [1 favorite]


get some boots-and-pants beats in there

thanks petebest. beat added (slyt).
posted by 20 year lurk at 2:17 PM on May 28 [1 favorite]


Fluttering thank you so much for that video that is like the most 80s hair and makeup and also raises *so many questions*.
posted by emjaybee at 9:40 PM on May 28 [1 favorite]


I am trying to figure out how to space out SURELY THIS as a knuckle tattoo.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:08 AM on May 29 [4 favorites]


You don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
posted by peeedro at 11:59 AM on May 29 [6 favorites]








Eva Victor, @evaandheriud: me muellering in the office break room at lunch today

(58 seconds of video. And I don't usually like video!)
posted by great_radio at 5:59 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]


All the obstruction WAS IN PLAIN SIGHT.

All the obstruction that was in plain sight was in plain sight.
quoted from East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 16:06 on May 29 [13 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]

There are things we do not know.
posted by flabdablet at 6:30 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]


I made a thing: The Mueller Report for Dummies. [FB] (Self-link, delete if not-allowed.)
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 8:26 PM on May 29 [4 favorites]


Both the Mega Millions and the Powerball have gotten big and the inevitable news pieces on "Your tax bill if you win!" are popping up.

I cannot even imagine having my "If I won the lottery" fantasy based around being an entitled shit who complained about the taxes that came with a giant pile of free money.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:30 PM on May 29 [6 favorites]


That Republican didn't fart. He emitted MOLECULES OF FREEDOM.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:42 AM on May 30 [3 favorites]




You would really think at some point, "He's a stupid rich asshole" would start looking pretty inevitable by Occam's Razor, but I guess the Sunk Cost Fallacy works in there, too for the right wing faithful.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:45 AM on May 30 [1 favorite]


That's not even a joke, I guess, just me being frustrated and blurting out something obvious that we all know.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:51 AM on May 30 [1 favorite]


Idly wondering how long Trump could go without access to his favorite TV news shows.
posted by ZeusHumms at 11:49 AM on May 30 [1 favorite]


You would really think at some point, "He's a stupid rich asshole" would start looking pretty inevitable

That hasn't stopped a lot of people from acquiring positions of power they had no business being allowed into in the first place, so I doubt it's going to strike any of the ruling class (or their unwitting sycophants) as especially notable, or even if it does they're too cynical/venal to care.

Frustrated? Bitter? Moi??
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:55 AM on May 30 [1 favorite]


> Metafilter: Making, parsing, and accepting arguments like it's 1935.
posted by Little Dawn at 3:29 PM on May 30 [3 favorites]


A lot of people I've known on the far right seem to have this Calvinist kind of attitude that if you're rich and in a position of power, that's proof enough that you deserve it.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:06 AM on May 31 [8 favorites]


Stephanie Hofeller turning her dad's hard drive over is the Gen-X with shitty boomer parents hero I needed.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 3:36 PM on May 31 [9 favorites]




“Living in America is like playing a scratcher ticket game in which the jackpot could be having your student loan debts paid off by a billionaire...and the "losing" numbers could mean getting killed in a mass shooting or suddenly needing chemo that bankrupts you.

This game sucks.” @MilesPerHoward
posted by The Whelk at 9:49 PM on May 31 [6 favorites]


Can someone tell Bill Shine or whoever that he could've just ignored Pride month?
posted by Selena777 at 4:44 PM on June 1


Idly wondering how long Trump could go without access to his favorite TV news shows.

When he found out that he couldn’t watch Fox News in every country, he threw a fit and made them get him some sort of streaming device that he could bring with him.
posted by Weeping_angel at 12:06 AM on June 2 [2 favorites]


When asked by Tapper if he felt that Trump will eventually face impeachment, Clyburn did not mince words.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I feel,” he said.


"Maybe in his third or fourth term," he added. "Or we could hold a Cadaver Synod around 2050."
posted by jackbishop at 5:52 PM on June 3 [1 favorite]


And now, critique my binary judgements on cable news journalists

Ali Velshi - GOOD
Al Sharpton - GOOD
Alysin Camerota - GOOD
Anderson Cooper - GOOD
Becky Anderson - GOOD
Brian Stelter - GOOD
Brian Williams - GOOD
Brooke Baldwin - GOOD
Chris Cillizza - BAD
Chris Cuomo - BAD
Chris Hayes - GOOD
Chris Matthews - BAD
Christiane Amanpour - GOOD
Chuck Todd - BAD
Craig Melvin - GOOD
Dana Bash - GOOD
David Axelrod - GOOD
Don Lemon - HE’S GOOD NOW
Erin Burnett - BAD
Eugene Robinson - GOOD
Fareed Zakaria - GOOD
Gloria Borger - BAD
Hallie Jackson - GOOD
Jeannie Moos - BAD
Jim Acosta - GOOD
Jim Cramer - BAD
John Berman - GOOD
John King - GOOD
Kate Bolduan - GOOD
Katy Tur - GOOD
Lawrence O'Donnell - GOOD
Literally anyone on Fox - BAD
Mike Rogers - BAD
Nicolle Wallace - uhhhhh GOOD
Rachel Maddow - GOOD
Richard Quest - HAHAHA BAD
S.E. Cupp - BAD
Sanjay Gupta - BAD
SMERCONISH - SMERCONISH
Stephanie Ruhle - GOOD
Steve Kornacki - GOOD
Steve Schmidt - BAD
Van Jones - BAD
W. Kamau Bell - GOOD
Wolf Blitzer - uhhhhhh GOOD
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:27 PM on June 4 [3 favorites]




refugee detention camps

Should probably call them something more direct, like "Trump Detention Motels"
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:49 AM on June 5 [2 favorites]


Wondering if Carly Simon's song "You're So Vain" applies more more to Donald Trump or Congressional Democratic leadership.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:28 AM on June 6


For Dem leadership, it would have to be "You're So In Vain" if they don't get off their butts and start Taking Some Actions soon...
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:43 AM on June 6 [1 favorite]


Sorry but

Brian Williams -BAD
Joy Reid - GOOD
Kristen Welker - GOOD
Kasie Hunt - GOOD
Jake Tapper - BAD
Jim Acosta - MY BOO
Steve Kornacki - ❤💜💕💗
posted by fluttering hellfire at 6:29 PM on June 7 [1 favorite]


Olliver Willis gives us the latest installment of his Twitter-sized political fanfiction.

@owillis
Beyonce stepped through the portal and into the Knowles-Carter Keep. Her golden armor was dripping with blood.
Jay-Z looked up at her, his eyes moist with tears.
"Did you do it? Did you rewrite the universe?"
Beyonce looked at the skull in her hand.
"Yes. It cost everything."
It goes on a while, all brilliant. ThreadReader-ized.
posted by scalefree at 7:35 PM on June 11 [3 favorites]


I used to assume that only men in Congress lived out of their offices.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:24 AM on June 12


okay there's something i've been meaning to come clean about.

i'm not actually thomas pynchon. most of my comments are written by a russian troll team that i hired back in 2015. i've wanted to stop the experiment for a while, but i signed up for a yearly subscription and i keep forgetting to cancel it before they charge me again.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 10:21 AM on June 12 [4 favorites]


Which admission makes you not as reclusive as you were before....
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:39 AM on June 12


> Which admission makes you not as reclusive as you were before....

well I was inspired by the original thomas pynchon, who back in the 70s hired a kgb team to produce a novel set in europe during the end and immediate aftermath of the second world war.

kgb teams were cheaper than you'd think — the soviet union was desperate for hard currency
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 11:24 AM on June 12


Regarding:
@aterkel: Scoop — Howard Schultz held a meeting with staff today and annonced he was essentially letting them all go (except those in senior leadership). He might relaunch his campaign after Super Tuesday too if Biden isn’t the nominee.

This inspires me to snark: Coffee mogul grabs his balls and his bat and stomps off home.

(Show of hands for readers who had already forgotten him. I hated him a lot, and yet he slipped my mind. But the Biden or bust blackmail is just precious.)
posted by puddledork at 5:42 PM on June 12 [1 favorite]


Priebus joining the Navy makes me really wish I were going to be the next president just for four or eight years of mercilessly fucking with him.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 11:45 AM on June 13 [1 favorite]


@poniewozik: “I'm not going to believe that Sarah Huckabee Sanders is leaving as White House press secretary until she denies it herself.”
posted by 1970s Antihero at 5:18 PM on June 13 [7 favorites]


@OhNoSheTwitnt
Possible Sarah Sanders replacements:
  • the boy who cried wolf
  • a polygraph machine with a bullet in it
  • a rug
  • a text from an old friend that says “let’s hang out soon”
  • her dog-murdering brother
  • an actual pair of pants on fire
posted by scalefree at 9:41 PM on June 13 [7 favorites]


I wish that Trump's presidency would end by copying key parts of the last episode of Seinfeld.
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:33 AM on June 14 [2 favorites]


I wish that Trump's presidency would end by copying key parts of the last episode of Seinfeld.

If the man's a shit, you can't acquit.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:23 PM on June 14 [3 favorites]


The Daily Show has created a pop-up Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library. It's in DC this weekend; if you can make it, 6 Exhibits You Shouldn’t Miss at the Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library.
posted by peeedro at 4:03 PM on June 14 [1 favorite]


In anticipation of Trump's Orlando rally tomorrow to officially kickoff his reelection campaign that started on January 20, 2017, the WaPo looks back at elevator day. It has this gem about the staging of Trump's 2015 campaign announcement:
Some in Trump’s orbit — including Michael Cohen, Trump’s then-fixer and personal lawyer, who is serving a three-year prison term for tax evasion and campaign finance violations, among other misdeeds — pushed for a circuslike spectacle, complete with elephants and women in bikinis.
I wish Michael Cohen had won that battle.
posted by peeedro at 9:30 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


If this reality were being scripted by the House of Cards writers, we'd probably start seeing key WH staffers rise mysteriously through the ranks amidst curious and ever-more contrived departures.
posted by ZeusHumms at 12:15 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Who would be scripting this reality if the Democratic primary debates were just spelling bees? (And who would win?)
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:40 AM on June 18 [1 favorite]


(And who would win?)

I went to the National Spelling Bee in 1985, and one of the activities was a visit to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. One of us was picked at random to lay a wreath. They called his name several times, but it turned out he was back at the hotel cramming. Balu Natarajan won that year, the first in what would become the eventual Indian-American dominance of the Bee, because they crammed for it. They prepared, year after year, in a way that those of us who just happened to be good at spelling and occasionally flipped through a dictionary could never match. And a lot of those people ('s parents) hated them for it, because how dare they take what had always been ours -- especially something as obviously exclusionary and elitist as spelling words of our language. Couldn't they see that this wouldn't make them belong?

So I'm pretty sure Elizabeth Warren would take it.
posted by Etrigan at 6:52 AM on June 18 [2 favorites]


Meghan McCain Snaps and Calls Joy Behar a 'Bitch' on the Air (Katherine Krueger, Splinter)
posted by ZeusHumms at 11:28 PM on June 19 [1 favorite]


I don't know if this qualifies as FPP material (and I'm still a bit confused about being self-referential).

On my blog, I wrote about The Curse of The Apprentice. (An update on an older post)

Before The Apprentice debuted, NBC had at least 3 shows in the Top Ten for each of the previous nine years. After the The Apprentice debuted, NBC spent three years without a Top Ten show and four more years with only one. It never had three shows while Trump's The Apprentice or Celebrity Apprentice was on the air. Magically, the recent years without Trump, have had 4, 2, 3, 3, 5 Top Ten shows. I include graphs.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 8:53 AM on June 20 [4 favorites]




After its coverage of John Bolton for the past two months, The Onion has earned a spot in the press pool:

Bolton Calls For Forceful Iranian Response To Continuing U.S. Aggression

Bolton Argues War With Iran Only Way To Avenge Americans Killed In Upcoming War With Iran

Bleeding John Bolton Stumbles Into Capitol Building Claiming That Iran Shot Him

John Bolton: ‘An Attack On Two Saudi Oil Tankers Is An Attack On All Americans’

Yes, it's satire, but it's more honest about how Bolton's operating than the mainstream news' coverage of him.
posted by Doktor Zed at 7:31 AM on June 22 [3 favorites]


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