The Fifth Hyuck June 24, 2019 9:16 AM   Subscribe

This is the 5th in a series of Hyucking Hyuck threads, for riffing, joking, and misc. non-hollerin' overflow from politics discussion on the blue. If it breaks up the flow in a politics discussion, this is a better place for it.

See the original thread for context.
posted by ZeusHumms to MetaFilter-Related at 9:16 AM (69 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

[Couple deleted. Please don't invent horrible things to put in the mouths of horrible people; horrible people generate plenty of those on their own, and we don't need to see them replicated here for rhetorical points. ]

If ever there was a setup for a David Cameron joke ...
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:45 AM on June 24 [3 favorites]

I'd like to see Chuck Todd host Meep The Press sometime.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:46 AM on June 24 [2 favorites]

I'd like to see Chuck Todd be anything other than a mealy-mouthed, false dialectical question posing, manically centrist git.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:01 AM on June 24 [5 favorites]

I'd like to see Sweeney Todd host Meat The Press sometime.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:38 AM on June 24 [15 favorites]

posted by kirkaracha at 10:42 AM on June 24

A Mifite steps in a mud puddle
posted by sammyo at 10:49 AM on June 24

Is that supposed to be a dirty joke?
posted by some loser at 12:35 PM on June 24 [1 favorite]

No, the mud had dried up by then so it's a clean joke.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:56 PM on June 24 [3 favorites]

If ever there was a setup for a David Cameron joke ...


I'd like to see Sweeney Todd host Meat The Press sometime.


The worst pies in London...
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:49 PM on June 24

I'm not loving this progression:

First: I hope to be president 8 years, unless they get rid of term limits! Just kidding...
Then: Although I could be president longer if we get rid of term limits. That's a wacky idea, I guess.
Later: Some people actually think we should get rid of term limits...
Now: TRUMP4EVA! Trump 2024! Trump 2028! Trump 2032! Trump 2036! Trump 2040...
posted by DirtyOldTown at 2:20 PM on June 24 [5 favorites]

The Fifth Hyuck

"The Fifth Hyuckement", surely?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:10 PM on June 24 [5 favorites]

Some people actually think we should get rid of term limits...

Obama 2020
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:15 PM on June 24 [13 favorites]

Since the disgusting Roy Moore says he's running for Doug Jones' Alabama Senate seat, can we get Guillermo del Toro's SFX team and Doug Jones (the actor) to replace Moore if he wins? He's already used to extensive prosthetic makeups while playing monsters. Instead of all the horrifyingly scary shit the real Moore is in to, Jones' Moore portrayal can just start off normal scary and progress over the next months into full Deep One hybrid to keep the Evangelical*/MAGA Alabamians happy back home while sekritly voting progressive in the Senate.

* Are we certain these Evangelicals aren't actually evangelical for Dagon or The King in Orange Hastur or someOther?
posted by Fiberoptic Zebroid and The Hypnagogic Jerks at 4:48 PM on June 24 [2 favorites]

I Love Hyuckabees
posted by bleep at 5:30 PM on June 24 [5 favorites]

Now: TRUMP4EVA! Trump 2024! Trump 2028! Trump 2032! Trump 2036! Trump 2040...

Eh, he's gonna die sooner or later. What we should really be worried about is what kind of president Junior will be after the Coronation.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 9:59 AM on June 25

What we should really be worried about is what kind of president Junior will be after the Coronation.

Though unlikely, I'm still holding out for a King Ralph-type situation where Tiffany Trump ends up president.
posted by 23skidoo at 10:15 AM on June 25 [1 favorite]


How fucking hard is it to find beds for people if the boss is a fucking hotel owner?
posted by emelenjr at 10:59 AM on June 25 [3 favorites]

Certainly it will be the horribly mutated and disfigured Jarvanka nemesis that emerges conjoined from trump's disastrous plan to detonate an advanced experimental neutron suitcase bomb in DC after he loses in 2020 and refuses to leave the White House.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:00 AM on June 25 [1 favorite]

I'd like to share a song about life and laughter; Bruce Cockburn's 1978 tune laughs for joy in the personal, but "laughs" for, as in lets go of, the world and the political, which often feel like they proceed without us. It is an upbeat song that brings me to tears for its integration of complex and simple emotions. It is hard to take Bruce's approach in the current period, but it was hard then too ("nuclear good time boys numbering all our days"). It is always hard.

(Bruce is second to Joni as Canada's pop-music treasure ;) imho, but not as famous. It is interesting to follow his development through his early folk, full of contemplative, "real" Christian joy and thought, through the heavy political topics of the 80s and onward. He is a heck of a fingerstyle guitarist too.)

Hope not too serious for Hyucking Hyuck, which I take as antidote/catharsis...
posted by sylvanshine at 3:05 PM on June 25 [1 favorite]

How fucking hard is it to find beds for people if the boss is a fucking hotel owner?

Well, he did manage to lose money running a casino. *shrug*

I also haven't ever even personally heard about someone staying in a Trump Hotel so as far as I know they're basically empty inside like that giant unfinished hotel in North Korea that looks like the Ministry of Love in 1984.

Then again I'm guessing my network of friends wouldn't have stayed in one even before he was president.
posted by loquacious at 4:31 PM on June 25 [3 favorites]

The Onion does it again: ‘I Just Want A Substantive, Issues-Oriented Democratic Debate,’ Lie Thousands Of Americans Hungry For Unhinged Trainwreck “What I’m all about is a coherent, civil debate [that eventually leads to a humiliating GIF I can post online and eventually filter all of my opinions on a candidate through]. Finally, we might get a chance to delve into the meat of the issues in a considerate exchange of ideas [which hopefully is a facade for a mudslinging free-for-all that eventually disgraces a candidate to the point that they become a pariah and leave politics forever].”
posted by Doktor Zed at 4:44 PM on June 25 [5 favorites]

Oh my god, I would donate everything I own to the candidate who promised to use the power of eminent domain to house every asylum seeker in a Trump hotel.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:17 PM on June 25 [10 favorites]


Someone posted "Genocide is here", probably in reference to the Trump/Miller concentration camps, and my brain automatically connects it to the Peanuts song "Christmas Time Is Here" (YT)
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:02 AM on June 26 [5 favorites]

With this many candidates, maybe we should have round-robin debates
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:21 AM on June 26 [2 favorites]

With this many candidates, they should face off in pairs like a sports tournament bracket. They should be seeded so that the top candidates can only meet in the final debates.

Also, Jock Jams.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:37 AM on June 26 [6 favorites]

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main event. LLLLLLLLET'S GET READY FOR DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOURSE"

Y'all ready for this?
posted by hanov3r at 10:43 AM on June 26 [15 favorites]

An Oral History of Trump's Bigotry. From The Atlantic.

Oddly, it has an end.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:43 AM on June 26 [4 favorites]

I am dreading this and would strongly favor a process by which we all agree on John Hickenlooper in exchange for fast-forwarding to the end of the primaries.
posted by zachlipton at 5:18 PM on June 26

oh ffs. I guess I'm on board zachlipton. Ugh.
posted by tivalasvegas at 6:06 PM on June 26 [1 favorite]

Trump's life (and ours) would have been quite different if he had been of average height or had adult sized hands.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:11 AM on June 27 [1 favorite]

@mathowie (who I think has a vague connection to this place) brings the Simpson's "Steamed Hams" meme to bear on the detention centres:


GOP: Uh... Humanitarianism?

American public: At this time of year? This time of day? In this part of the world? Localized entirely within border jails?

GOP: Yes!

American public: May we see it?

GOP: No.

posted by nubs at 7:46 AM on June 27 [13 favorites]

I wish I were good at jokes.
posted by Altomentis at 12:50 PM on June 27 [1 favorite]

1) Mitch McConnell, on Twitter, posted a GIF of a winking Ben Wyatt, a character from a TV show that went off the air in 2015

2) Adam Scott, who played Ben Wyatt on Parks and Recreation, replied:

Dear Mitch McConnell & all those representing him,

Please refrain from using my image in support of anything but your own stunning & humiliating defeat.


3) McConnell responded by posting the "Ice Town Costs Ice Clown His Town Crown" newspaper clipping from the show, which has a photo of a teenaged Ben

4) Scott put up that shot of McConnell posing in front of the Confederate Flag

"McConnell’s account went quiet after that, returning to posting bad memes and corny content that tries and fails to depict McConnell as a feisty politician loved by the youths."
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:56 PM on June 27 [10 favorites]

It's kinda like when John Cornyn's twitter people thought it was a good idea to start a twitter beef with Patton Oswalt. It wasn't.
posted by peeedro at 4:48 PM on June 27 [1 favorite]

Hickenlooper and Yang thought Trump's secret sauce was combover.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:08 PM on June 27

Haven't watched the debates yet - I might do it this weekend - but several people on Twitter are suggesting that Marianne Williamson sounds like Aubrey Plaza as April Ludgate as Janet Snakehole from Parks & Rec. I'll be watching for that.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 6:28 AM on June 28 [1 favorite]

When SNL returns, I'd like to see Nancy Pelosi played by Rita Moreno.
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:05 AM on June 28

On the Democratic Debates this week:

Isn’t it time for NBC to get a less peppy debate tune? (Heather Souvaine Horn, New Republic)

And what's the deal with all the live audience? Is applause really that important? [/Seinfeld]
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:32 AM on June 28

From the current mega-thread, on the subject of debates:

They could almost make sense from a "Do I trust you to make decisions on my behalf? Are you my kind of person?" point of view if everything hadn't been gamed and planned and tested out nine ways from Sunday such that almost all of it looks like stilted amateur actors reading Lucas dialogue.

Makes me want this question asked in future debates:

"How do you feel about sand?"
posted by nubs at 10:47 AM on June 28 [2 favorites]

Okay there’s a theory I’ve been working on for a while now, the presidential race goes to the person with the most easily imitable or caricaturable affect - it has to be broad enough that any office chucklehead can do a reasonable impersonation
posted by The Whelk at 1:17 PM on June 28 [2 favorites]

Maybe this is just one really-long episode of The Outer Limits or The Twilight Zone where a frail young boy, always sickly, wishes that he could have ultimate power to 'show them', but doesn't understand the true costs.
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:22 AM on July 1 [2 favorites]

Okay there’s a theory I’ve been working on for a while now, the presidential race goes to the person with the most easily imitable or caricaturable affect

A corollary of the Halloween Mask Presidential Election Predictor? That correctly called Trump over Clinton and Obama over McCain.
posted by Doktor Zed at 8:23 AM on July 1 [3 favorites]

Brief discussion of a Spartan “Molon Labe” tattoo as gun-nut/cryptofascist symbol.

I feel like you can’t be bustin’ out Spartan tattoos if you’re not willing to go full Naked Leonidas. Don’t be bringing out your inner Spartan while wearing obviously-Persian “trousers”.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 8:33 AM on July 1 [1 favorite]

‘Unidentified object’ flying over DMZ sparking media frenzy turns out to be flock of birds (Fox News)

Breed not identified. Some people - me - wonder if they were seagulls, thus setting up punny jokes.
posted by ZeusHumms at 8:47 AM on July 1

trump wants tanks
everybody says no too heavy
he says fuck you want tanks gimme tanks
bring in two tanks, flanking the Lincoln memorial
trump starts speech, calls out the tanks
look at the cool tanks
they said no but I said we need tanks and I am the boss
incredible ground pressure, tanks sinking into the soil
first tank crushes underground power line, shorts all the lights and mics near the memorial
second tank ruptures water line, geyser spewing into crowd
tanks fuck trump show
posted by Meatbomb at 8:09 PM on July 1

If Trump wants the tanks to roll into DC photogenically, he should drive the lead tank.
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:18 AM on July 2

ridin in a tank as a politician with a big ass helmet def makes you look super cool. everyone knows this
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:22 AM on July 2 [9 favorites]

I thought this guy was supposed to be media savvy, yet he's about to blow millions on a party scheduled for the same night Stranger Things is dropping?
posted by p3t3 at 5:29 PM on July 3 [1 favorite]

The top google result when searching for "national mall live cam" is this site.
posted by peeedro at 2:51 PM on July 4

This is a job for...the Fire Marshal of the Supreme Court. 😎
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:18 PM on July 5

What I hope to see in the "second" (by which I mean, third or fourth) Democratic debate:
MODERATOR: Ms. Williamson, if you were elected President, what would you do on your first day in office?

WILLIAMSON: You offer it to me freely?

MODERATOR: It's just a hypothetical...

WILLIAMSON: I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this.

[Stage lights darken. Strong winds fill the enclosed auditorium. An unearthly light, seemingly from nowhere and from everywhere, illuminates Williamson alone.]

WILLIAMSON: In place of an Orange Lord you would have a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!

[Unearthly light fades, wind dies down, stage lights come back up.]

WILLIAMSON: I passed the test. I will exit the race, and go into the west, and remain Marianne Williamson.

exit Williamson
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 3:18 PM on July 6 [6 favorites]

MeFi's own mightygodking has produced DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES AS QUOTES FROM "NEWSRADIO" - A THREAD, and it's excellent if you fall into the very narrow category of people who would appreciate—well, I think that's mostly just me, but trust me when I say it's great.
posted by zachlipton at 4:00 PM on July 10 [7 favorites]

OMG, zachlipton, that made my week
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:52 PM on July 10 [1 favorite]

The Onion: Nation Not Sure How Many Ex-Trump Staffers It Can Safely Reabsorb
Noting that the resignation of Alexander Acosta as Secretary of Labor marked the ouster of the third top administration official in less than three months, a worried populace told reporters Friday that it was unsure how many former Trump staffers it could safely reabsorb. “Jesus, we can’t just take back these assholes all at once—we need time to process one before we get the next,” said 53-year-old Gregory Birch of Naperville, IL echoing the concerns of 323 million Americans in also noting that the country was only now truly beginning to reintegrate former national security advisor Michael Flynn. “This is just not sustainable. I’d say we can handle maybe one or two more former members of Trump’s inner circle over the remainder of the year, but that’s it. This country has its limits.” The U.S. populace confirmed that they could not handle all of these pieces of shit trying to rejoin society at once.
posted by Doktor Zed at 12:04 PM on July 12 [4 favorites]

Over 500,000 people RSVPed to a Facebook shit post event to 'storm area 51', easily larger than Trump inauguration crowds, and enough to make a difference if they gathered around one or more migrant detention facilities.

Nothing attracts a crowd better than a shitpost.
posted by ZeusHumms at 12:02 PM on July 13 [1 favorite]

[wrong thread]
posted by Standard Orange at 2:03 AM on July 15 [1 favorite]

Can I give a shoutout to all the radio people who had to pronounce ‘Safe Third Country Agreement’ over and over again yesterday.
posted by bq at 8:00 AM on July 16

You know, say what you will about the moderation, but if you flag something the whole site doesn't stop for an hour and 15 minutes while everybody tries to figure out what to do next.

That said, my next flag is going to include a note that says "I ask that the gentleman's words be taken down".
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:30 AM on July 17

if you flag something the whole site doesn't stop for an hour and 15 minutes while everybody tries to figure out what to do next

Maybe it should!

"Time out everyone, we pissed someone off. Let's have a nice cold pint and wait for all of this to blow over."
posted by Tehhund at 11:45 AM on July 17

Someone is going through cspan this afternoon and making clips of Congressmembers using the word 'perspective' in a sentence. IDK WTF. Best guess it's someone on a late night writing staff or Randy Rainbow.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 2:23 PM on July 18

>> "bourgeois electoral democracy is a sham we must smash the state"

> This is just not a funny joke anymore, if it even is a joke.

*wolfish grin*
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 11:55 AM on July 20

Sen. Cory Booker, Star Trek TNG fanatic, wants justice for Wesley Crusher (SyFy Wire)
While the presidential candidate attended San Diego Comic-Con, SYFY WIRE caught up with him to discuss his geek-tastic passions. Star Trek is a big deal for him, especially The Next Generation, He's definitely a Picard man ..., and he also, like Steve Rogers, does not like bullies of any kind.
I had to pause here and laugh silently. It's like an SNL skit come to life.
posted by ZeusHumms at 11:00 AM on July 22

this is prolly more of a fucking fuck thing, but I can't find an open one (is there one?)

so anyway I'll post it here.

current mood
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 12:59 PM on July 22 [2 favorites]

Mueller Under Oath
Mueller Under Oath
Unto this House he's sworn
posted by nubs at 2:36 PM on July 23 [1 favorite]

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