Help cortex cut his hair, fundraising edition. September 2, 2020 11:34 AM   Subscribe

My hair is too long! Something's gotta be done! So, here's the deal: for every new $50 in monthly recurring contributions to MetaFilter we see in September, I'll cut an inch off. I've got about 14 inches of hair right now, so we've got a lot of ground to cover. Come inside to track my progress with the patent-pending MetaFilter Hair-O-Meter.

Behold, the Hair-O-Meter!

a line drawing of cortex, with his long brown hair over his shoulders, and a graduated series of lines in $50 increments running from zero at the bottom of his hair up to $700 up at the top

I'll update the Hair-O-Meter image and new recurring contribution total periodically throughout the month.

We are (as of 11:59 p.m. Aug 31st) currently at: $0 new monthly contributions
I currently get to keep: 14 inches of hair
I currently resemble: a dang hippie


We are (as of Thurs, September 10) currently at: $250 new monthly contributions
I currently get to keep: 9 inches of hair
I am looking forward to: a crisp cut just brushing my shoulders
posted by cortex (staff) to MetaFilter-Related at 11:34 AM (29 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

Is facial hair included?
posted by Ashwagandha at 11:49 AM on September 2 [1 favorite]


Will there be video?
posted by bondcliff at 11:52 AM on September 2 [1 favorite]


Facial hair will be a stretch goal. If we clear $1000, the mustache and beard goes. $1500 and the beard goes but I'll keep the mustache.

I will definitely document any and all haircutting and make it available.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:54 AM on September 2 [9 favorites]


If you end up trimming all or most of it off, there are groups that take donations of hair longer than 8-12", to make wigs for children who have lost theirs.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 12:04 PM on September 2 [4 favorites]


Love the drawing!
posted by Melismata at 1:05 PM on September 2 [1 favorite]


If you end up trimming all or most of it off, there are groups that take donations of hair longer than 8-12", to make wigs for children who have lost theirs.

Someone should build a whole crowdfunding platform around this. Wigstarter? Kickshorter?
posted by oulipian at 1:22 PM on September 2 [9 favorites]


I have made worse hair decisions for far lesser causes. Good for cortex!
posted by the primroses were over at 1:39 PM on September 2 [1 favorite]


Can we pay money to require hair to be grown out?
posted by Going To Maine at 2:05 PM on September 2 [2 favorites]


I'm jealous. Dude, I have access to a dunk tank...I'm thinking zoom yea. the cool thing is to set up various dunk tank trigger at ones home, etc. Nerfball kitty. A basketball hoop. a copy of Lord of the Flies.

...from the Bronx or Brussels, someone tosses a cigarette pack in the trash, a 7 camera shot- DUNK.
access to said dunk tank occurs on alternating Saturdays 13.20 GMT. no clowns, divers, Zamboni driver, hockey net or concession stand will be harmed. photograph subject to personel and ethical standards will remain highest for professional concession.

I'll kick in box to store the lockes of cortex.

I just need four side things and donut for the top. 🍩
posted by clavdivs at 2:05 PM on September 2 [1 favorite]


Can we pay money to require hair to be grown out?

If cortex runs out of hair, I'll pledge mine at the same rate. No promises how long I'll keep it at the target length, though! (It's currently... an inch? or so? all over. There was a horse-clippers incident.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 2:26 PM on September 2 [8 favorites]


Do we get to keep the hair?
posted by Drumhellz at 4:29 PM on September 2 [2 favorites]


I mean, going by your illustration, if $700 is just shaved, then $600-$650 seems like the funniest haircut and the most bang for the buck. Kind of an extreme Moe Howard thing.
posted by chococat at 5:10 PM on September 2 [5 favorites]


Brother Cadfael for a $1000.
posted by clavdivs at 7:47 PM on September 2 [8 favorites]


If these are recurring donations, if enough is raised to shave your entire head bald of hair do you have to keep it that way for as long as the donations recur?
posted by hippybear at 9:41 PM on September 2


How does one set up a recurring $50 Stripe payment? I went to the funding page but it was not obvious to me.
posted by mpark at 12:25 AM on September 3


MetaFilter: there was a horse-clippers incident.
posted by Wordshore at 3:40 AM on September 3 [6 favorites]


MetaFilter IS a horse-clippers incident.
posted by JanetLand at 5:29 AM on September 3 [3 favorites]


obligatory "feast on the goo inside for $1k" comment
posted by lalochezia at 7:29 AM on September 3


mpark, thank you for asking! For recurring Stripe amounts other than the ones listed, the way to do it is to drop us a note at the contact form and we can set a custom one for you.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:32 AM on September 3


Thank you, LobsterMitten. Message sent.

But why isn't there a big $50 button right on the funding page? Seems like Fundraising 101. Or failing that, how about at least a note to use the contact form? I mean, do you guys want $50 recurring payments or not? Shouldn't you make it as easy as possible for folks to give you money, instead of making them jump through hoops? /vent
posted by mpark at 11:41 PM on September 3 [4 favorites]


And this was the reminder I needed to update my payment since my card changed a few months ago. Enjoy the haircut!
posted by LizBoBiz at 2:18 AM on September 4


Hm, given that I prefer not to be the only excessively shaggy person around, I don't feel like this is a great way to raise funds. I don't think I'm really the target, though, so don't mind me. ;)
posted by wierdo at 4:48 AM on September 4


How much for the ears?
posted by pipeski at 5:06 AM on September 4 [3 favorites]


With that much hair available and strecth goals that the community will get behind, why just stop at length? Personally I want to know the $$$ required to get our man cortex into a Manchu-style topknot with a handlebar moustache.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:40 PM on September 4 [4 favorites]


I suspended my contribution a few months ago when I left my job. But I got a new job much sooner that I feared, so I'm back!
posted by paper chromatographologist at 10:05 AM on September 8 [2 favorites]


Hair-O-Meter update: we're now just above my shoulders! A significant trim but still unambiguously long hair. I have updated the graph accordingly.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:18 PM on September 10


Your hair turns to blood when it's cut? Cool.
posted by JanetLand at 6:13 AM on September 14


ahhh..I was gonna ask if your hair could please turn GREEN --that blood red is disturbing!
And money is Green!!
: )
posted by calgirl at 11:44 AM on September 23


ahhh..I was gonna ask if your hair could please turn GREEN

Help cortex get an ombre
posted by Going To Maine at 2:22 PM on September 23


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