In memory of digaman August 29, 2024 12:02 PM Subscribe
I am very sad to let the MeFi community know that one of its staunchest supporters and all around good guy digaman (Steve Silberman) has passed away as reported by his spouse on Bluesky. For people who didn't know digaman well, you might know his book NeuroTribes (MeFi post), the Grateful Dead box set he co-produced So Many Roads, or one of his 184 posts to MetaFilter (all from 2010 and before). He was always a great internet friend to me especially lately over on Mastodon and I know I will miss his voice. May his memory be a blessing, we are lucky to have known him.
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I discovered Neurotribes from a post here at about the time I was getting my autism diagnosis, and finding such a staunch supporter of us in him was a huge joy, so it was nice that I had this community link to him.
I went to see him talk once, on a fantastic autistic led day in Manchester, opposite where I used to live 20 years prior in Ardwick, possibly the worst place I’ve ever lived. I was so lost and scared there as a 19 year old, and it was so nice to be among my people for the first time on that day. His talk was joyful and validating. Truly it was special.
He’d long been a joy on my social media, earlier Twitter, recently Bluesky, and on Facebook too, with his love for life and his joy in his home of San Francisco and the musical friends that he had.
Anyway, this is an embarrassingly long comment for someone who absolutely only had a parasocial relationship with him, I’m sorry. There will be people with deeper memories affected and I should leave space for them.
But his memory, even at this distance, is a blessing.
posted by ambrosen at 12:24 PM on August 29 [18 favorites]
I discovered Neurotribes from a post here at about the time I was getting my autism diagnosis, and finding such a staunch supporter of us in him was a huge joy, so it was nice that I had this community link to him.
I went to see him talk once, on a fantastic autistic led day in Manchester, opposite where I used to live 20 years prior in Ardwick, possibly the worst place I’ve ever lived. I was so lost and scared there as a 19 year old, and it was so nice to be among my people for the first time on that day. His talk was joyful and validating. Truly it was special.
He’d long been a joy on my social media, earlier Twitter, recently Bluesky, and on Facebook too, with his love for life and his joy in his home of San Francisco and the musical friends that he had.
Anyway, this is an embarrassingly long comment for someone who absolutely only had a parasocial relationship with him, I’m sorry. There will be people with deeper memories affected and I should leave space for them.
But his memory, even at this distance, is a blessing.
posted by ambrosen at 12:24 PM on August 29 [18 favorites]
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posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 12:31 PM on August 29
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 12:31 PM on August 29
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posted by lazaruslong at 12:33 PM on August 29
posted by lazaruslong at 12:33 PM on August 29
This is such sad news. I knew Steve well; he lived down the street from us the entire time we lived in SF - over 20 years now. We traded holiday cards and caught up at random parties. He was always so happy to talk about the various finer points of jazz history and poetry and poets and The Dead and anything, really. He was the highlight of any gathering. What a loss. I still have questions saved up in my head for the next time I'd see him.
posted by niicholas at 12:39 PM on August 29 [18 favorites]
posted by niicholas at 12:39 PM on August 29 [18 favorites]
Oh, no. This is a huge loss to those of us who want to understand neurodiversity better -- and I'm sure a greater loss to people who were lucky enough to know him in person. He seems to have been such a joy.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 12:56 PM on August 29 [2 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 12:56 PM on August 29 [2 favorites]
I am sorry to hear this.
posted by y2karl at 1:02 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]
posted by y2karl at 1:02 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]
Hell of a way to learn that digaman was also that guy.
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posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:06 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]
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posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:06 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]
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posted by warriorqueen at 1:33 PM on August 29
posted by warriorqueen at 1:33 PM on August 29
Oh, this is so very sad. I had a little contact with Steve in the 1990's when he was working on Skeleton Key. Such a great contributor and community member (and I don't just mean on Metafilter but all around). He will be missed.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 1:43 PM on August 29 [3 favorites]
posted by Winnie the Proust at 1:43 PM on August 29 [3 favorites]
I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to meet him and tell him how grateful I was for Neurotribes and how it changed my life. Everything I saw from him seemed to come from a place of compassion, respect, and good humor, and I think he may have been one of the best non-autistic allies to autistic people and the autistic community who ever lived. I'm so, so sad that he's gone.
May his memory be a blessing.
posted by Lexica at 2:15 PM on August 29 [7 favorites]
May his memory be a blessing.
posted by Lexica at 2:15 PM on August 29 [7 favorites]
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posted by clavdivs at 2:30 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]
posted by clavdivs at 2:30 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]
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posted by The Great Big Mulp at 2:55 PM on August 29
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 2:55 PM on August 29
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posted by Alterscape at 4:12 PM on August 29
posted by Alterscape at 4:12 PM on August 29
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posted by socialjusticeworrier at 4:36 PM on August 29
posted by socialjusticeworrier at 4:36 PM on August 29
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posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 4:52 PM on August 29
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 4:52 PM on August 29
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posted by lalochezia at 5:22 PM on August 29
posted by lalochezia at 5:22 PM on August 29
Such a huge loss for so many communities. His words and work will live on for a long, long time.
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posted by mediareport at 6:15 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]
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posted by mediareport at 6:15 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]
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posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:31 PM on August 29
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:31 PM on August 29
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posted by GenjiandProust at 6:41 PM on August 29
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:41 PM on August 29
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posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:33 PM on August 29
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:33 PM on August 29
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posted by mxjudyliza at 8:11 PM on August 29
posted by mxjudyliza at 8:11 PM on August 29
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Sigh. I never connected his mefi handle with the other things he did. I'm sorry for the loss that all of you are feeling who knew him better.
posted by mollweide at 8:24 PM on August 29
Sigh. I never connected his mefi handle with the other things he did. I'm sorry for the loss that all of you are feeling who knew him better.
posted by mollweide at 8:24 PM on August 29
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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:23 PM on August 29
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:23 PM on August 29
I knew him (from afar) through his relationship with the musicians (David Crosby, Micky Hart, et al). Looking at his posting history, I do now remember him as a MeFi member. I am a big DeadHead. The box set he produced, "So Many Roads..." is awesome. Quite frankly, I did not know much about his book or his studying of autism. He seemed to "get it" and helped so many with autism and so many who lived with those with Neurodivergence.
Thank you Jessamyn for posting this with all the links. I just spent a few hours going down the rabbit hole of his work. Amazing. He seemed to enrich whatever community with which he interacted. I am sorry I never got a chance to have talked to him and met him in person. He led a life well lived.
May his memory be a blessing.
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posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:33 PM on August 29 [7 favorites]
Thank you Jessamyn for posting this with all the links. I just spent a few hours going down the rabbit hole of his work. Amazing. He seemed to enrich whatever community with which he interacted. I am sorry I never got a chance to have talked to him and met him in person. He led a life well lived.
May his memory be a blessing.
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posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:33 PM on August 29 [7 favorites]
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posted by TheophileEscargot at 11:02 PM on August 29
posted by TheophileEscargot at 11:02 PM on August 29
He seemed like such a great guy in all the ways.
His background was kind of similar to mine: gay, culturally Jewish, East Coaster who moved to San Francisco to be gay in a place where that was more normative. As a person who doesn't have a real relationship with my family, it's always especially comforting to see someone (even from afar/as a parasocial relationship) a few decades older than me with a similar background living life in a way I admire.
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posted by needs more cowbell at 4:14 AM on August 30 [3 favorites]
His background was kind of similar to mine: gay, culturally Jewish, East Coaster who moved to San Francisco to be gay in a place where that was more normative. As a person who doesn't have a real relationship with my family, it's always especially comforting to see someone (even from afar/as a parasocial relationship) a few decades older than me with a similar background living life in a way I admire.
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posted by needs more cowbell at 4:14 AM on August 30 [3 favorites]
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posted by cupcakeninja at 6:20 AM on August 30
posted by cupcakeninja at 6:20 AM on August 30
I remember the username from the earlier days of MeFi and followed him on various other social medias and never made the connection. Always insightful and powerful, I'd say.
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posted by skynxnex at 7:29 AM on August 30 [3 favorites]
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posted by skynxnex at 7:29 AM on August 30 [3 favorites]
Oh gosh. My deepest condolences to those that knew him.
posted by a faded photo of their beloved at 8:07 AM on August 30
posted by a faded photo of their beloved at 8:07 AM on August 30
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posted by misteraitch at 10:45 AM on August 30
posted by misteraitch at 10:45 AM on August 30
Luckily (in that we were all lucky to share a planet and an era with him), digaman left us some words for this very occasion. This from a tweet of his from August 13, 2023:
When I die, please don't say that I've crossed over into the spirit realm, gone to the Other Side, moved on to a better place, rejoined my ancestors, or any other of those comforting fables. Just selfishly or selflessly use my own impermanence to WAKE UP to your own.
posted by slappy_pinchbottom at 10:55 AM on August 30 [18 favorites]
When I die, please don't say that I've crossed over into the spirit realm, gone to the Other Side, moved on to a better place, rejoined my ancestors, or any other of those comforting fables. Just selfishly or selflessly use my own impermanence to WAKE UP to your own.
posted by slappy_pinchbottom at 10:55 AM on August 30 [18 favorites]
Don’t recall the poster.
As a dead head though, quite a loss.
We are all diminished it seems
posted by Windopaene at 1:18 PM on August 30
As a dead head though, quite a loss.
We are all diminished it seems
posted by Windopaene at 1:18 PM on August 30
Luckily (in that we were all lucky to share a planet and an era with him), digaman left us some words for this very occasion. This from a tweet of his from August 13, 2023:
When I die, please don't say that I've crossed over into the spirit realm, gone to the Other Side, moved on to a better place, rejoined my ancestors, or any other of those comforting fables. Just selfishly or selflessly use my own impermanence to WAKE UP to your own.
In the words of Robert Hunter and Jerry Garcia, Wake up to find out that you are the Eyes of the World. (That song is on the box set he produced for the Grateful Dead. Song 22)
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:07 PM on August 30 [1 favorite]
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posted by Golden Eternity at 5:55 PM on August 30
posted by Golden Eternity at 5:55 PM on August 30
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posted by sillygwailo at 6:26 PM on August 30
posted by sillygwailo at 6:26 PM on August 30
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posted by thatwhichfalls at 4:57 AM on August 31
posted by thatwhichfalls at 4:57 AM on August 31
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posted by Larry David Syndrome at 10:17 AM on August 31
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 10:17 AM on August 31
I remember seeing him around here back when, but never made the connection. My condolences to those who knew and loved him.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:30 PM on August 31
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:30 PM on August 31
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posted by doctor_negative at 7:53 PM on August 31
posted by doctor_negative at 7:53 PM on August 31
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posted by Lawn Beaver at 12:06 PM on September 1
posted by Lawn Beaver at 12:06 PM on September 1
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posted by Faint of Butt at 7:53 PM on September 1
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:53 PM on September 1
Well, fuck. Why is it always the wrong people that die?
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posted by dg at 9:20 PM on September 1 [1 favorite]
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posted by dg at 9:20 PM on September 1 [1 favorite]
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posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 3:34 PM on September 3
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 3:34 PM on September 3
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posted by bitteschoen at 12:33 AM on September 6
posted by bitteschoen at 12:33 AM on September 6
NYT
Rolling Stone
WaPo
Jambase
LGBTQ Nation
posted by niicholas at 8:54 AM on September 6 [5 favorites]
Rolling Stone
WaPo
Jambase
LGBTQ Nation
posted by niicholas at 8:54 AM on September 6 [5 favorites]
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posted by sudama at 10:37 AM on September 7 [1 favorite]
posted by sudama at 10:37 AM on September 7 [1 favorite]
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posted by yoHighness at 9:11 AM on September 12
posted by yoHighness at 9:11 AM on September 12
The SF Chronicle has an obituary now too.
posted by GeckoDundee at 2:56 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]
posted by GeckoDundee at 2:56 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]
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posted by mochapickle at 12:11 PM on September 13
posted by mochapickle at 12:11 PM on September 13
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posted by Mitheral at 12:09 PM on August 29 [1 favorite]