I'm curious to know if anyone has heard from Keyser Soze since his latest incident. May 22, 2004 7:49 PM   Subscribe

I'm curious to know if anyone has heard from Keyser Soze since his latest incident. He hasn't posted since that date and there is no email address in his profile, otherwise I would have contacted him directly.
posted by ajr to Etiquette/Policy at 7:49 PM (111 comments total)

Oops, bad link. Try here.
posted by ajr at 7:51 PM on May 22, 2004


I murdered him. Have any more questions?
posted by bargle at 8:22 PM on May 22, 2004 [1 favorite]


I hope he's ok...anyone with his email, try to contact him.
posted by amberglow at 8:35 PM on May 22, 2004


I suspect he'll be back, and - I wish him well.
posted by troutfishing at 9:19 PM on May 22, 2004


Uh, what was his "latest incident"?
posted by ashbury at 9:49 PM on May 22, 2004


ashbury: check his metatalk (ask.me) posting history.
posted by Space Coyote at 10:03 PM on May 22, 2004


*Poof*...and he was gone...
posted by vito90 at 10:06 PM on May 22, 2004


His biggest trick was convincing the world he never existed.
posted by drezdn at 10:09 PM on May 22, 2004


He's probably out with all the usual suspects.
posted by crunchland at 10:14 PM on May 22, 2004


The way I hear it, Soze is some kind of butcher. A pitiless, psycho, fucked-up butcher.
posted by trharlan at 10:48 PM on May 22, 2004


"Keyser Soze. You're friends at MeFi are worried about you. Check in soon."

to be published Wednesday May 26 in Willamette Week Chance Meetings.
posted by karmaville at 11:03 PM on May 22, 2004


I think he's the one hosting the party I just called the cops on (for the third time).
posted by dhartung at 11:22 PM on May 22, 2004


Keyser disappears, dhartung reappears. I can live with that.
posted by i_cola at 11:26 PM on May 22, 2004


You guys are just angry because you weren't invited to any of his parties. Metafilter: High School Minus the Girls
posted by geoff. at 11:54 PM on May 22, 2004


I bet he's tore up from the floor up.
posted by dhoyt at 12:19 AM on May 23, 2004


i viciously savaged soze a time or two, because he reminded me of my own reckless youth (which, in reality, has become my own reckless middle age). but i hope he's ok. perhaps he's enjoying some county-funded dry time.
posted by quonsar at 3:25 AM on May 23, 2004


I hope Keyser, when he returns, finally learns lesson #1 of MetaFilter Boozing:

1. If you're under 21, please do all your boozing while posting to MeFi, so us caring, sharing uncles and aunties can keep an eye on you and make sure you come to no good.

Ed: shurely some mistake?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:32 AM on May 23, 2004


Please don't encourage them, Migs.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:26 AM on May 23, 2004


new tagline:
MetaFilter -- We Don't Mind Our Own Damn Business
posted by matteo at 6:09 AM on May 23, 2004


When I was reading his most recent AskMe thread about the party, I got the impression he was going to go into court and go all Perry Mason on their asses and get thrown in the slammer overnight or for a period depending on how "law and order" the judges are in Oregon.
posted by planetkyoto at 6:30 AM on May 23, 2004


i've made this point before, so i'll be brief - maybe he was a little more than fed up with the condescending advice handed down from on high in that last thread? i'm not surprised that he never returned, whatever happened with the case.
posted by andrew cooke at 6:55 AM on May 23, 2004


if we're condescending to you, will you go away, too?
posted by crunchland at 7:08 AM on May 23, 2004


I was thinking more along the lines of
MetaFilter: Please don't encourage them, Migs
or possibly even
Metafilter: If we're condescending to you, will you go away too?
etiquette/policy? You're calling him out for not posting for a few days? That's harsh.
posted by fvw at 7:36 AM on May 23, 2004


we're not calling him out, fvw--we're worried. He's like the Mefi Official Kid Brother or something.
posted by amberglow at 7:42 AM on May 23, 2004


oooooh crunchland. bitchy. what's with you?

in answer to your question, i don't know. you going to try? c'mon big boy...

[yawns, scratches groin, walks away.]
posted by andrew cooke at 8:43 AM on May 23, 2004


get a fuckin shave, cooke, you're a disgrace.
posted by ashbury at 8:54 AM on May 23, 2004


Mefi Official Kid Brother

Yeah. Like Miguel is Mefi Official Uncle.

I've been worrying about Keyser, too.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 9:01 AM on May 23, 2004


amberglow: I was commenting on this being in etiquette/policy.

*sigh*, another perfectly good joke down the drain.
posted by fvw at 9:49 AM on May 23, 2004


sorry hon
posted by amberglow at 10:25 AM on May 23, 2004


Are we REALLY worried about him or just cyber-worried?
posted by Witty at 10:50 AM on May 23, 2004


I'm just cyber-worried, presumably since I only cyber-know the cyber-guy fer christ's cyber-sake. But since when is cyber-worried not really worried?
posted by scarabic at 11:25 AM on May 23, 2004


I'm cyber-thirsty. also, I have to cyber-pee
posted by matteo at 11:51 AM on May 23, 2004


But since when is cyber-worried not really worried?

Well, if I had to pick a person in my life to be sacrificed to the Dragon that haunts the village... and it could be anyone I've had any sort of relationship with, well, it wouldn't be someone from my family, nor a friend. I wouldn't choose a neighbor or even a dude that lives down the street, but I've only seen in passing. I couldn't choose the chick that works at the bank (too hot), the postman or even the paper boy. MAYBE a celebrity. I would probably choose someone from the web. Y'all just aren't real enough for me to give it much thought this browser has been closed. No offense, just saying. I'm as curious about Keyser Soze's fate as anyone... but worried. I'm not sure I could go that far. I hope he's not dead, fer cryin' out loud... buttuh. Just being honest is all. Maybe I'm just part of an insenstive minority.

I would sacifice nofundy... yea. TO THE DRAGON!
posted by Witty at 11:58 AM on May 23, 2004


didn't dr who use alcohol to kill the cybermen?
coincidence?
posted by andrew cooke at 12:01 PM on May 23, 2004

"Y'all just aren't real enough for me to give it much thought [once] this browser has been closed.—Witty
That explains so much.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 12:12 PM on May 23, 2004


Can we sacrifice Witty to a dragon ... an orge ... the village bore ... medical science, I don't really care - just can we? pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?
posted by Blue Stone at 1:19 PM on May 23, 2004


Well, if I had to pick a person in my life to be sacrificed to the Dragon that haunts the village...

40cc's of chlorpromazine, stat! And tighten the straps on the gurney. Just do it, we'll worry about his circulation when he's knocked out.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:03 PM on May 23, 2004


Blue Stone, could you sacrifice *me* to an orge, please? Sounds sexy.
posted by interrobang at 2:42 PM on May 23, 2004


c'mon big boy...

So, in other words, andrew, you don't see the irony in condescendingly accusing other people of being condescending?
posted by crunchland at 2:51 PM on May 23, 2004


i think there's an important difference. in the case of keyser soze, it was the usual mefi groupthink pile-on. when i post, i'm normally in the minority.

if you want to do something useful round here, tell me when i start parrotting the same line as everyone else.
posted by andrew cooke at 3:16 PM on May 23, 2004


(ok, if you're going to add up my posts and categorize them, perhaps not, but i feel i'm out-of-line on a lot of things - off the top of my head, recently, free speech, statistical testing, copying music. maybe i should have talked about the pile-on rather than the condescension, because that's what bugs me - the uniform dumping. ah fuck, i'm justifying myself to crunchland. jesus. i need to get a life. i'm off home).
posted by andrew cooke at 3:24 PM on May 23, 2004


get a fuckin shave, cooke, you're a disgrace.

i just shaved. i'm still a fucking disgrace. you'll be hearing from my lawyers, as soon as they sober up.
posted by quonsar at 3:50 PM on May 23, 2004


Sounds like never, then.
posted by konolia at 4:10 PM on May 23, 2004


His lawyer is Miguel??!?!?!
posted by keswick at 4:22 PM on May 23, 2004


::claps::
posted by dash_slot- at 4:58 PM on May 23, 2004


::belches::
posted by jonmc at 5:22 PM on May 23, 2004


::passes gas, points at jonmc::
posted by rocketman at 5:49 PM on May 23, 2004


::lights match::
posted by konolia at 7:17 PM on May 23, 2004


hey you singed my eyebrows!!
posted by billsaysthis at 7:39 PM on May 23, 2004


well, what have we told you about putting your face so close to there?
posted by amandaudoff at 8:12 PM on May 23, 2004


posted by [Ethereal Bligh] at 12:12 PM PST on May 23

That explains so much.
Do have a comment sponsor? You're on a fuckin' tear.
posted by Witty at 8:24 PM on May 23, 2004


Witty, the devastatingly sharp master of MS Paint-based slurs strikes again. I'm disappointed you took down your "fuck quonsar" opus, actually. It was a good one-second summary of your rhetorical abilities.
posted by Space Coyote at 9:01 PM on May 23, 2004


Since when do we form a search party when one of our more... metatalk-happy members drops off the face of the mefi earth for a month or whatever? When WolfDaddy disappeared he got, what, three or four comments in an unrelated thread and then made an unceremonious return (although I, myself, was quite happy)?

Maybe Matt secretly gave him account #666 and he's just waiting to make his mark.
posted by The God Complex at 10:46 PM on May 23, 2004


*stumbles into a black hole*
posted by quonsar at 11:11 PM on May 23, 2004


Since when do we form a search party when one of our more... metatalk-happy members drops off the face of the mefi earth for a month or whatever?

At the point that this became a community.
posted by vacapinta at 11:11 PM on May 23, 2004


Let me know how that works out.

Hey, has anyone seen Quonsar in the last 20 minutes?
posted by The God Complex at 11:31 PM on May 23, 2004


And S@L. Where's that mofo at? Wait, nevermind.
posted by The God Complex at 11:31 PM on May 23, 2004


Are you that oblivious to empathy, The God Complex, or do you simply enjoy acting like an arrogant, apathetic poster who is so obviously "above" random users here?
posted by BlueTrain at 11:36 PM on May 23, 2004


No, I generally direct my false arrogance quite pointedly towards certain users; it's really not at all random.

In reality (which is the place where I was making a point, not where I was apparently grandstanding most obliviously), I was pointing out how odd it would be for us to post a new metatalk thread everytime someone doesn't post here for a relatively short length of time.

For examples of people who have done this, see over 10,000 of other members, a scant few of which I reckon have had such threads erected in their honour. Nothing against keyser soze personally, of course--I thought his membership was fruitful and his frequent delirious metatalk threads were a welcome respite.

Now quit acting so put-upon. Where is the jocular BlueTrain we've all grown to know and love? This version of you--the one so easily riled up--is having a deleterious effect on my night.

Has anyone seen quonsar in the last 34 minutes?
posted by The God Complex at 11:45 PM on May 23, 2004


::ahem::

Point taken, however bluntly put.
posted by BlueTrain at 11:50 PM on May 23, 2004


A hah! That's markedly better. I will now retire to my quarters and sleep fitfully, worrying about the mysterious 10,000 members whose absence I cannot account for ;)
posted by The God Complex at 11:59 PM on May 23, 2004


Witty, the devastatingly sharp master of MS Paint-based slurs strikes again.

You like that Space Cadet? I wish I could call it my own.
posted by Witty at 7:42 AM on May 24, 2004


I'm disappointed you took down your "fuck quonsar" opus, actually.

I guess you'll have to delete it from your favorites then. I'm sorry that it hurt your feelings.
posted by Witty at 7:47 AM on May 24, 2004


That was Space Coyote, not Space Cadet. If you care enough to keep track. But, hey, it's all the same, especially once you close that browser window, eh?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 8:43 AM on May 24, 2004


Ooops, my bad. Sorry.

But, hey, it's all the same, especially once you close that browser window, eh?

Pretty much, yea.
posted by Witty at 9:48 AM on May 24, 2004


I am posting to this thread, just so I never lose it.
posted by Skot at 10:12 AM on May 24, 2004


Well, he's under 21, lives at home, and in trouble with the cops. Parents took away his computer privileges, I reckon.
posted by anapestic at 10:19 AM on May 24, 2004


Parents took away his computer privileges, I reckon.

occam's razor right here folks. the simplest explanation is the correct one.

i'd give 5 to 1 odds that this is the reason soze's not around anymore.
posted by taumeson at 10:43 AM on May 24, 2004


Wow, people showing their heartfelt concern, their apathy, their open hostility . . . MetaFilter really is a family!
posted by vraxoin at 10:50 AM on May 24, 2004


But why would his parents take away his computer privledges? Was he downloading beer or something?
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:13 PM on May 24, 2004


But why would his parents take away his computer privledges?

I believe the implication was that Keyser was grounded and had something he enjoyed (computer use) taken away as part of the grounding.
posted by jerseygirl at 12:28 PM on May 24, 2004


When WolfDaddy disappeared he got, what, three or four comments in an unrelated thread and then made an unceremonious return

*blinks rapidly to rid myself of the burning and unexpected liquid in my eyes*

Sorry, some guy just shot his load in my eye. It BURRRRRRRRRRRNS.

There. We now officially have some ceremony upon which to return.

Watch your aim next time, TGC, dammit.
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:29 PM on May 24, 2004


No one noticed (or noted anyway) when I disappeared for six months.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 3:02 PM on May 24, 2004


Hey! PinkStainlessTail is back! Kegger at Miguel's!!!
posted by trharlan at 3:04 PM on May 24, 2004


I disappeared for about two years. But then, my last post wasn't about the cops showing up at my house and busting me for giving alcohol to minors.
posted by bingo at 4:17 PM on May 24, 2004


I didn't really get a raucous welcome back, myself. But of course I'm not complaining or anything.
posted by konolia at 4:28 PM on May 24, 2004


I'm back!

D'ja miss me, you bastads?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:35 PM on May 24, 2004


*blinks rapidly to rid myself of the burning and unexpected liquid in my eyes*

Sorry, some guy just shot his load in my eye. It BURRRRRRRRRRRNS.

There. We now officially have some ceremony upon which to return.

Watch your aim next time, TGC, dammit.


Haha. See? Without this sort of banter, I'd never get my gay street cred ;)
posted by The God Complex at 4:38 PM on May 24, 2004


I'm in jail, I like it here,
It's nice, I like it,
Hello dad, I'm in jail
posted by inpHilltr8r at 6:08 PM on May 24, 2004


I'm going to the bathroom for a second, gotta pee. I'll be back, just don't open a MeTa thread about it OK?
;)
posted by matteo at 6:17 PM on May 24, 2004


uhh.. matteo? You gonna be much longer in there?

*crosses legs*
posted by Space Coyote at 6:26 PM on May 24, 2004


hey, whatever happened to matteo? anyone seen him?
posted by amberglow at 6:46 PM on May 24, 2004


Holy shit, I didn't even notice you guys were gone! *blinks* Fuck....where'd you all go?
posted by graventy at 6:57 PM on May 24, 2004


Does anybody really know where Keyser Soze is?
Does anybody really care?
If so I can’t imagine why,
We’ve all got time enough to die.
posted by dg at 7:06 PM on May 24, 2004


Funnily enough PST, I did notice your absence. However, i am a brutal, unsympathetic bastid, and assumed you'd fallen under a bus.
posted by dash_slot- at 7:19 PM on May 24, 2004


Skot has the right idea.

Someday, when people ask me why I spent so much time on that website - you know the one, grandpa, the blue and gray one, with all the funny bitchy people - I want to be able to point to threads like this one.
posted by yhbc at 8:03 PM on May 24, 2004


k, folks, I'm gonna go to bed now. No panic. Love you all, read ya soon.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:41 PM on May 24, 2004


Isn't quonsar done with that black hole yet? He swiped my naked singularity before taking off.
posted by WolfDaddy at 10:29 PM on May 24, 2004


inpHilltr8r: Was (not Was). Aren't you glad someone recognized the reference?

I was going to mention earlier that just last week I was worried about bunnyfire. And you, too, Konolia. Retroactively, even.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:40 PM on May 24, 2004


Look what wonders MetaTalk hath wrought since I've been away! Yes, me. Away. For six whole days. Where are the tears? But I forgive you. This has been a funny, funny thread.

(I noticed when WolfDaddy disappeared, btw, and when PinkStainlessTail disappeared , and I miss UncleFes, and hardly ever see plep anymore, or dhartung, iconomy, kafkaesque, Summer, Stan Chin, or mjj... and so many more users. Plus, of course, I really wish putzface_dickman would comment more. Especially in threads where poopy is commenting. Is it wrong to put together these kind of slash-fiction-style metapairings?)
posted by taz at 12:45 AM on May 25, 2004


*waves, vanishes again*
posted by StOne at 1:34 AM on May 25, 2004


Just got back from a weekend at the cottage. What'd I miss?
posted by DrJohnEvans at 10:37 AM on May 25, 2004


I surely do miss UncleFes as well.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 11:42 AM on May 25, 2004


*bangs on bathroom door*
matteo! You've been in there for hours! Don't think we don't know what you're doing...

*looks around*
Oh, hi taz!
posted by languagehat at 12:38 PM on May 25, 2004


I gotta say, if I was grounded from the net for a while, and came back to see this, I'd be feeling pretty good about myself.

Hope all is well, KS.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 8:00 PM on May 25, 2004


I think it's cool that dhartung is back after all this time. So glad to see you here again! Wonder if any of the other lost ones would care to drop by for a visit...?
posted by Lynsey at 8:25 PM on May 25, 2004


Well, I think part of why we're concerned is that KS is a bit of a fuck-up, which isn't so flattering. But the characterization of him as the MeFi Kid Brother is pretty apt, I think. He's very earnest and seems like a fundamentally good person, and so I think we just hope he's okay.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 8:28 PM on May 25, 2004


yup.
posted by amberglow at 8:38 PM on May 25, 2004


We'll never make 100. And that means we don't even really cyber-care. Siggggggggggh.
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:03 PM on May 26, 2004


Uno-zero-zero. Happy now?
posted by Wulfgar! at 3:31 PM on May 26, 2004


Hi guys. Im back.
posted by Keyser Soze at 4:48 PM on May 26, 2004


Stone cold sober as a matter of fact.
posted by Keyser Soze at 4:49 PM on May 26, 2004


Let me get this out of the way:

I didn't have enough money to keep the Internet up. I just got it back, and I think I am going to be just fine, as far as legal matters are concerned.

I am not really mad about everyone dogging me about it, but the assumptions made were pretty incredible, not to mention the talking shit stuff but that is ok. I am allright with it.

I am still looking forward to the Air Force, I am still exercising, I am still on my way to college for the summer term and I am not sitting in jail, giving a back massage to Bubba so I can use the wifi connected laptop he hid in his ass. Thank you, everybody, for caring. It honestly made me feel good. I am ok, don't worry about me anymore. I am back for the time being.

(Note: My brother is 17, did not have a warrant and has no problems with the cops. Note 2: I hardly ever drink anymore, let alone get drunk. (have not touched a drop so far) Note 3: The previous legal question really was about a friend of mine, not me. (jerks) Note 4: I have a court appointed lawyer, the witness testifying me giving him alcohol is in contact with me and he is going to testify on my behalf (because No, I did not give him booze) on July 6th, my court date. I even have a nice suit to wear.)
posted by Keyser Soze at 5:01 PM on May 26, 2004 [1 favorite]


I didn't have enough money to keep the Internet up.

That's it!? {wink}
posted by Witty at 5:09 PM on May 26, 2004


I am not sitting in jail, giving a back massage to Bubba so I can use the wifi connected laptop he hid in his ass

That's ... that's just the most beautiful sequence of words I think I've ever seen. I WUV YOU MAN! Glad you're okay, and now, welcome back massages for everyone.
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:10 PM on May 26, 2004


yup. welcome back, but keep the college thing, and lose the Air Force thing til after : >
posted by amberglow at 8:20 PM on May 26, 2004


Best of mate. Good to see ya back!!

*passes round hat for KS's sub to cheapo ISP*
posted by dash_slot- at 3:43 AM on May 27, 2004


Shush, taz, I'm trying to stay away until Keyser Soze notices that I'm gone. Then, and only then, will I make my triumphant return.
posted by iconomy at 7:49 AM on May 27, 2004


go away! be offended! damn. how can i rise to defend the oppressed if they come back?
good luck with the case.
posted by andrew cooke at 8:22 AM on May 27, 2004


Be honest, it was the ad in the Willamette Week Chance Meetings that brought you back, right?
posted by ajr at 3:06 PM on May 27, 2004


Actually, I was reading the WW on my way home with the modem.
posted by Keyser Soze at 6:07 PM on May 27, 2004


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