haunting and moving comment, but offtopic

October 21, 2006 6:56 AM

This comment had seemingly nothing at all to do with the FPP on which it was posted, yet I found it one of the most haunting and moving things I have ever read in MeFi.
posted by psmealey to MetaFilter-Related at 6:56 AM (73 comments total)

Disturbing.

The odd formatting makes it look like it was copy-pasted from somewhere - perhaps just notepad.

However "she was walking on stilts built up of drugs" is pretty much a rip from Gibson's Neuromancer, where Case meets Kath in the bar in Freeside.

Sorry, the pedant and lit critic in me compels me. But that just means that its good enough to engage me enough to critique it.
posted by loquacious at 7:20 AM on October 21, 2006

Metafilter comments aren't the place to post your short stories.
posted by smackfu at 7:23 AM on October 21, 2006

Metafilter comments aren't the place to post your short stories.

Yeah?
posted by loquacious at 7:37 AM on October 21, 2006

Sorry, except for you special bunny.
posted by smackfu at 7:40 AM on October 21, 2006

I'm not the only one, you sweetly glittering snowflake. *mwah*
posted by loquacious at 7:45 AM on October 21, 2006

*vomits convulsively in the snow*
posted by quonsar at 7:55 AM on October 21, 2006

Can anyone point me to the amazing story in a comment that I believe got meta'd a few months ago? It was about a man who was having communications difficulties with his wife, and ended with him sputtering out pure gibberish, which happened to be the content of the post above.
posted by jonson at 7:55 AM on October 21, 2006

BAD QUONSAR, BAD! LICK IT UP! BAD DOG!
posted by loquacious at 7:58 AM on October 21, 2006

George Musser's New God
posted by Science! at 8:07 AM on October 21, 2006

Oh, here's more.
posted by Science! at 8:08 AM on October 21, 2006

That page is sorely missing a reference to cortex's "Oh yeah? Yeah? Well I fucked your mother and then shat on her, what do you think of that political platform?!".
posted by cortex at 8:16 AM on October 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I would like to subscribe to cortex's newsletter.
posted by loquacious at 8:20 AM on October 21, 2006

Get thee to the bloggery !
posted by lobstah at 8:22 AM on October 21, 2006

I was the top science student in my high school senior year.
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:30 AM on October 21, 2006

I have been popping in and out of this thread, typing up half comments, and then deleting them... and perhaps I should trust my previous judgments and leave this unsaid, but I feel compelled to tell everyone how I feel about this story.

It sucks.

It is bad in basically every way that a story can be bad. Its style is lifted from Raymond Carver, but has been bludgeoned with the immature emotional "importance" of a 10th-grader. The actual events of the story are such cookie-cutter, readymade signifiers of tragedy that they are nearly irrelevant.

These first lines put me in the mind of the likes of My Chemical Romance... it seems as though the entire story was an exercise in justifying a preposterous description of a gunshot.

I know this is impolite, and I'm already sorry for posting this, but for some reason I had to get this off of my chest.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 8:56 AM on October 21, 2006

I was biting my tongue, and it actually pained me slightly to write "But that just means that its good enough to engage me enough to critique it."

It has hooks, but they're pretty tired old rusty hooks. And I haven't had a tetanus shot since I was a toddler.
posted by loquacious at 9:06 AM on October 21, 2006

You heartless, truth-speaking bastards!
posted by Carbolic at 9:23 AM on October 21, 2006

I was the top science student in my high school senior year.

and you're marrying peeg? good argument for creation theory, that.
posted by quonsar at 9:24 AM on October 21, 2006

I'm going to disagree with synaesthetichaze's criticism, degustibus non es disputandem and all that.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't have bothered, but the poster has a history of posting similarly stylized and interesting (but mostly on topic) comments in other threads. I was wondering if anyone knew what was up.
posted by psmealey at 9:28 AM on October 21, 2006

he fancies himself a drunken unrecognized genius. see askme.
posted by quonsar at 9:33 AM on October 21, 2006

I spent the first two paragraphs confused... until I realized the description of the body wasn't a metaphor for an office building.
posted by evilcolonel at 9:33 AM on October 21, 2006

If other people are confused, the author notes downthread that

Unfortunately, it was also largely irrelevant, because I somehow managed to miss pasting in pretty much the most important part - which was that she once told me she'd rather die at her own hands than ever work in an office.

posted by gsteff at 9:45 AM on October 21, 2006

I agree, it's a pretty bad short story, and it totally looks copy-pasted, as noted above
posted by matteo at 9:45 AM on October 21, 2006

I was the second from top science student in my high school. Then when graduating from university I was second from top in my class. It still eats at me to this day...nobody remembers the also-rans... damn you smarter people... damn you all...
posted by normy at 9:56 AM on October 21, 2006

I've always found those types of mega posts pretty wanky unless they're super-duper on topic.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:56 AM on October 21, 2006

Lousy story. Far too many adjectives, tired similes (her eyes were blue? Like the ocean? Really?), and nothing that's trying for emotional resonance should ever include a sentence like "We fucked, but for some reason neither of us was really into it." Yawn.
posted by EarBucket at 10:07 AM on October 21, 2006

Is there a "Gonzo Posting" flag?
posted by lobstah at 10:17 AM on October 21, 2006

He should get a Vox blog, join MeFiWriGo, and quit tying up space here with 'What I did in creative writing last week'.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:21 AM on October 21, 2006

nothing that's trying for emotional resonance should ever include a sentence like "We fucked, but for some reason neither of us was really into it."

I guess this means I won't post my short story about an evangelical couple that meets on World of Warcraft.
posted by gsteff at 10:22 AM on October 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

It wouldn't have been the worst thing in my first-year fiction class.
posted by ludwig_van at 10:30 AM on October 21, 2006

Some people really seem to love stories in comments. I don't love them, but people spending large amounts of time and effort on their comments has to be a good thing.

There is a wiki page for them: CommentFables. For the sake of those who do love them, and out of your sense of community mindedness, you might consider adding ones that you notice.
posted by Chuckles at 10:32 AM on October 21, 2006

So, um, is robocop's story the most favourited comment ever, or what?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:45 AM on October 21, 2006

she once told me she'd rather die at her own hands than ever work in an office.

"You're fearless and brave, you can't be stopped when you're young / You swear you're never ever gonna work for someone / No corporations for the new age sons / Tears of rage roll down your face / But still you say 'it's fun.'"
posted by scody at 10:55 AM on October 21, 2006

kfx has rapidly become one of my favorites here. This wasn't his finest moment, but it's a hell of a lot more interesting than most of what passes for MeFi commentary. I personally think we're lucky to have him, and I hope he doesn't wander off down the street to another watering hole.
posted by languagehat at 11:27 AM on October 21, 2006

Kfx's second comment (which scody quotes above) makes it totally on topic.
posted by deborah at 11:48 AM on October 21, 2006

It's ridiculous how any kind of creativity seems to get praised on here, even if it objectively sucks (not saying that the story did; haven't read it), just because it was produced by a Mefite. You can drop the most wanky story on earth into a comment and before you know where you are you get "amazing! wow!" comments in the thread and a MetaTalk post linking to your brilliant work.

But then, that's kind of the whole point of the Mefi Music section, as I've pointed out before.
posted by reklaw at 11:52 AM on October 21, 2006

I think he's the most pretentious thing that I've ever seen, and I work in public television.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:00 PM on October 21, 2006

It looks a whole lot like public masturbation to me. Not that I don't do it myself once in a while, but I think I usually keep it in a conversational tone and under two pages.

Basically all the comment did was make me say "what the fuck" and continually tap pagedown until I found the bottom of it.

So I guess I'm either missing the "community spirit", or, you know, it's just crappy out of place writing.
posted by blacklite at 12:05 PM on October 21, 2006

Rapid alternation between the sickly sweet and a stark foulness, as if I had bitten into a piece of decayed and rancid baklava, left me nauseated and with a little vertigo after I'd read kfx's comment, but he has rather forced upon me, all unwilling, a conviction that he has quite a lot of talent as a writer and an observer.

If he could stop trying to compel himself to feel what he's thinks he's supposed to feel, and stop trying to write that, and just go down into his real feelings, and write those, without worrying whether he would seem monstrous or become a pariah, I think he would fly.
posted by jamjam at 12:30 PM on October 21, 2006

*glowers at reklaw*
posted by cortex at 12:52 PM on October 21, 2006

When Kurt Cobain killed himself, I wrote the single worst poem that has ever been written. I was seventeen. I never showed it to anyone.

That was a smart move. I'm glad the Internet didn't exist (for me) back then.

Sorry, what were we talking about?
posted by Bookhouse at 12:55 PM on October 21, 2006

CommentFables! that's awesome!
posted by mwhybark at 12:56 PM on October 21, 2006

If he could stop trying to compel himself to feel what he's thinks he's supposed to feel, and stop trying to write that, and just go down into his real feelings, and write those, without worrying whether he would seem monstrous or become a pariah, I think he would fly.

When did MeFi become a fiction writing workshop? I had to get up to get a beer so it's possible I missed something.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 2:20 PM on October 21, 2006

Ah, I'm glad you asked! It happened one fine day when Uncle Matt was out chopping wood, only he mashed his thumb with the butt end of the axe and got distracted so he didn't notice when loquacious and freebird snuck around the barn and smuggled in a couple of typewriters and a few reams of paper and started typing away. Pretty soon they started critiquing each other's output, and then everybody else joined in, and by the time Matt got back (with a bandanna tied round his hand, looked funny as hell) he didn't recognize the place.
posted by languagehat at 2:59 PM on October 21, 2006

Ugh, that was wankerific. Pontificationfilter?
posted by Falconetti at 3:52 PM on October 21, 2006

Ah, I'm glad you asked!

I'm not liking your tone there Mr. Hat. Are you implying I would get up to some kind of unnatural monkey business with such a disreputable fellow? For the love of Jove he's chosen the title of one of the most overrated rock ballad anthems in the history of time itself as his username!

I would, however, unnaturally monkey-up your mom.
posted by loquacious at 4:27 PM on October 21, 2006

You may not like my tone, but your mother couldn't get enough of it.
posted by languagehat at 5:08 PM on October 21, 2006

I wrote the single worst poem that has ever been written. [...] I never showed it to anyone.

Now's as good a time as any. I think you'll agree this thread would be useless without it.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:11 PM on October 21, 2006

I never read the peeing on the fire story, and I just spent the last couple minutes laughing hard enough to scare the dog. If comment stories can give us something like that, then I can learn to scroll during the clunkers.
posted by FunkyHelix at 5:28 PM on October 21, 2006

Now's as good a time as any. I think you'll agree this thread would be useless without it.

Wow. I started this morning feeling pretty good about Metafilter, having read something that seemed somewhat out of the blue that seemed sincere and was almost touching, but after sorting through the pile of smug, ugly, condescending horseshit that the thread has accumulated throughout the day, I feel a whole lot worse.

At least the day wasn't a total disaster. I didn't realize that loquacious's mom put out. I'll have to give her a ring.
posted by psmealey at 5:47 PM on October 21, 2006

So, um, is robocop's story the most favourited comment ever, or what?

Not even close.
posted by dersins at 5:54 PM on October 21, 2006

dersins writes "Not even close."

Ha, thanks.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:12 PM on October 21, 2006

I shot myself in the head once. I was pretty smart then, but not as smart as I should have been, because I did it on a dare. The bullet took out roughly a third of my brain mass.

I'm not quite as smart anymore. But smart enough to know not to do that again.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:20 PM on October 21, 2006

. A bunch of bald guys in their 20s, with swastikas for eyes and a genetic disposition for racial hatred. Their fathers had mostly been in the same group of skinheads when they themselves were cocksure 20-somethings

How Ironic...
posted by delmoi at 10:25 PM on October 21, 2006

I think he's the most pretentious thing that I've ever seen, and I work in public television.

pretentious, or portentous!? Or both maybe?

Is it wanky? I suppose, but why exactly is "wanking" wrong? I mean, should we live without the pleasure of words for some ascetic aesthetic? Should writing be free of self-indulgence? I don't know, I just wanted to say "ascetic aesthetic".
posted by delmoi at 10:48 PM on October 21, 2006

a rose is a rose is a rose is a post.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 11:24 PM on October 21, 2006

Oh man, kfx was the person who posted that comment about Radiohead. The one that summed up most of the things that I like about them in one cautionary 'abandon hope all ye who enter here' package. Anyway, I've just read through a number of his posts to see who it is who has impressed languagehat so, and find, imo, somebody who drops more or less unrelated posts into threads, posts that are mostly his own creative exercises. I'm not seeing the genius here.
posted by jokeefe at 11:50 PM on October 21, 2006

^^ I messed up the link. Here. Sorry.
posted by jokeefe at 11:54 PM on October 21, 2006

kfx is a terrible writer. He piles on the ten-dollar words without quite knowing what they mean, his sentences rarely make sense when considered as a whole, and his imagery is just grabbed at random.

His work is precisely the kind of self-important "poetic" blather that drunks come up with, and is full of insights that maybe, just maybe, a fifteen-year-old boy would find deep. Cops are just thugs who work for the System, man! Oh please.

He's made a variety of different cries for help on various part of MeFi, some more literal than others, but one thing that's presumably enabling him in his alcoholism is a succession of people who say "wow, you may be a poor troubled soul, but you're a terrific writer".

He's not. If you think that you have no idea what good writing is, or you subscribe to the "I didn't understand it, but it sounded real meaningful" school of criticism.

You'd be doing him a bigger favour if you told him "you display a number of the skills of a good writer, but, presumably because you're wasted all the time, your actual work is pretentious garbage".
posted by AmbroseChapel at 12:03 AM on October 22, 2006

but, presumably because you're wasted all the time, your actual work is pretentious garbage

I don't think this is cause and effect in most cases. I'm not speaking of kfx in particular, because I don't know him, but I think that a lot of cowards cloak themselves in booze, pretension and Nihilism. Later in life, they'll blame everyone else for their failures ("the world is too mediocre for me to thrive"), but the truth is they were too scared to really try.

This seems to be the fate of most of the people in my creative writing program.
posted by Bookhouse at 12:59 AM on October 22, 2006

I'm a little perplexed at how much wrath a guy who's posted 31 whole comments is able to incur here. But, you know, see guy doing something different! must crush! Taken as fiction, no, the comments aren't really something I'd publish if I had the power, but taken as comments, more interesting than most of us drips, so why not let him play around? I don't see how it's become oppressive.
posted by furiousthought at 2:06 AM on October 22, 2006

Yeah, what furiousthought said.
posted by languagehat at 5:38 AM on October 22, 2006

Being praised beyond one's perceived abilities is a cardinal sin around here. Remember what your mother taught you: if you can't say something dismissive, don't say anything at all.
posted by cortex at 7:20 AM on October 22, 2006

"Remember what your mother taught you: if you can't say something dismissive, don't say anything at all."

Fuck that, my mother was a drunk.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:04 AM on October 22, 2006

kfx is a terrible writer. He piles on the ten-dollar words without quite knowing what they mean, his sentences rarely make sense when considered as a whole, and his imagery is just grabbed at random.

I don't like MetaTalk. This is why.
posted by poweredbybeard at 11:09 AM on October 22, 2006

It is pretty pathetic. Someone thanks someone else for comments they liked, and a bunch of other people feel obliged to drop in to say NO THEY SUXX0RS!!! You'd think the average comment at MeFi would put Hemingway and Faulkner to shame. But I'm sure that's true of the average comment by the critics, who are doubtless the purest of stylists.
posted by languagehat at 12:08 PM on October 22, 2006

Some of those CommentFables are pretty damn good. That one...not so much.
posted by lobstah at 12:41 PM on October 22, 2006

Welll... posting Meta with the intent of drawing attention to a poster or a single post kind of elicits a referendum on whether or not other people agree. I think kfx's posts are strong enough to cause strong reactions, for good or ill.

This thread could have been a pileon of other members chiming in to note their appreciation (I remember one related to one of y2karl's music posts that was exactly like that), but this particular thread was never going to be that way. I like something different as much as anyone else here, and I've certainly noticed kfx's posts, but I can't unconditionally praise them.
posted by jokeefe at 2:03 PM on October 22, 2006

This thread is useless without Haikus.
posted by meehawl at 8:00 PM on October 22, 2006

meehawl wants haikus
no one likes a useless thread
break out the pancakes.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 5:36 AM on October 23, 2006

An elephant shits
inline images abound
useless without pics.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 5:38 AM on October 23, 2006

cold fusion error!
a post falls in the forest
does it make a sound?
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 5:43 AM on October 23, 2006

The selfsame shitters --
now: "It's pretty pathetic"
Need a mirror, 'hat?
posted by Ogre Lawless at 1:17 PM on October 23, 2006