MetaFilter Debate Society.

November 5, 2006 4:38 PM

MetaFilter Debate Society. Who would you pick for you side? Who would be the ideal opponent(s)?
posted by ericb to MetaFilter-Related at 4:38 PM (64 comments total)

My side: Yoda and Abe Lincoln.

Opponents: Scarlett Johannson, Nia Long, Anglina Jolie and Lucy Lu.

Don't worry, we WOULD take prisoners.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:54 PM on November 5, 2006

Dibs on dhoyt. The other guys can have jenleigh.
posted by cortex at 4:55 PM on November 5, 2006

*runs to giant robot marmoset, jumps in and takes off to form MeTatron's right arm*
posted by loquacious at 4:57 PM on November 5, 2006

Pot and Kettle. Or the reverse. Whatever.
posted by brain_drain at 4:59 PM on November 5, 2006

Wait a minute, you want to encourage crappy debate style us-vs-them posturing on mefi?
posted by mathowie (staff) at 5:00 PM on November 5, 2006

I pick mathowie!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:02 PM on November 5, 2006

Well, I want a giant robot marmoset - but debate (formal and otherwise) is a fine, storied and intellectual pursuit. When its good. When its bad its just bad.
posted by loquacious at 5:03 PM on November 5, 2006

I pick mathowie!

Game over, dude. Insert coin.
posted by loquacious at 5:03 PM on November 5, 2006

If only someone had the power to close this thread!
posted by jonson at 5:10 PM on November 5, 2006

I'd pick jessamyn but she'd tell me to eff off. Oh well.
posted by snsranch at 5:18 PM on November 5, 2006

I pick anonymous, just to get the sympathy vote.
posted by gsteff at 5:26 PM on November 5, 2006

Allies? Who needs allies? I'm a one-man debating machine, baby!
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 5:33 PM on November 5, 2006

(But I'll take Scarlett Johannson if she's available.)
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 5:37 PM on November 5, 2006

What style of debate? Extemporaneous, where you pretty much carpet-bomb the opponent with laundry lists of every conceivable point, or Lincoln-Douglas, where you act like you are actually trying to convince someone?

If it is the first style, I totally call EB and Bugbread. If the second--well, I need to think about it.
posted by LarryC at 5:49 PM on November 5, 2006

Jessamyn, if you're going to pick gods for your side, then so will I.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 6:01 PM on November 5, 2006

I think I'd take two or three of the higher-numbered Astro Zombies.
posted by Kwine at 6:06 PM on November 5, 2006

At St. John's College during Reality Weekend, there's a sophistry contest¹. One year, a number of my classmates were very eager for me to take up our class's banner, but I really didn't feel like I could put my heart into arguing for something I believed to be false. Even though it would have been a very absurd and funny assertion.

This is the sort of thing that we johnnies think is a blast while we're drinking, screwing, and doing drugs for four days non-stop. As well as "epicycle races", doing Euclid proofs as quickly as possible from memory, and vomiting.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 6:07 PM on November 5, 2006 [1 favorite]

Jessamyn, if you're going to pick gods for your side, then so will I.

Dude! You'd somehow work in links to that catgirl porndrama in a very solemn dual-obituary thread for Richard Feynman and Stephen Hawking!
posted by loquacious at 6:09 PM on November 5, 2006

Look again; no catgirls anywhere in that image. (Scandalous: you don't recognize Urd, Skuld, and Belldandy? How utterly unhip you are!)
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 6:23 PM on November 5, 2006

I'd like to have that fucked chicken corpse on my side.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 6:35 PM on November 5, 2006

then so will I.

Holy shit are you creepy.
posted by popechunk at 6:37 PM on November 5, 2006

If anyone picks me for their team, I should warn you that I'll probably go on a bender the night of the big event. Keep that in mind.
posted by jonmc at 6:41 PM on November 5, 2006

A bottle of Stoli. I would then proceed to a drunken, profanity-laden tirade while making many highly graphic allusions about my opponent taking liberties with his neighbor's emus.
posted by clevershark at 6:48 PM on November 5, 2006

Look again; no catgirls anywhere in that image. (Scandalous: you don't recognize Urd, Skuld, and Belldandy? How utterly unhip you are!)

Deepest apologies, but I have absolutely no desire to be dragged into a nuanced semantical debate about your image collection of overtly or subtly sexualized prepubescent girl cat/vampire/maid/onion/mutant pufferfish/genetically engineered biorobot/gothic squid/ninja metermaid characters.
posted by loquacious at 6:51 PM on November 5, 2006 [2 favorites]

tell me more about these ninja metermaids...rrrrowr
posted by jonmc at 6:54 PM on November 5, 2006

Oh, for crying out loud. I forgot that none of you have the faintest trace of a sense of humor. Pardon me while I put my "pompous lefty who is fashionably dismissive and sardonic" face on.

"Harumph. Harumph. Boy am I superior to him in every way. Harumph."

There, that's better. ...no, it isn't, because it doesn't fit me. (It's too small.)
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 6:56 PM on November 5, 2006

I pick dios, delmoi, rhomboid, and their ilk. That way I look absolutely rational, when really I'm a complete psycho nutbar with a penchant for superhero fantasies.
posted by Kickstart70 at 7:00 PM on November 5, 2006

I'd pick that quiet kid who everyone makes fun of and whose name no one remembers. You know, the one who is left standing by him or herself after the team captains pick everyone else for their team. That's the MeFite I'd pick because in a thrilling win for the underdog, he'd score precious points for my team in the dying seconds of the debate, just getting us over the line. Then we'd pour Gatorade on him and hoist him on our shoulders while the crowd cheers.

Yeah, yeah, that's who'd I'd pick.
posted by Effigy2000 at 7:02 PM on November 5, 2006

Lileks summarized this beautifully one time:

It’s almost as if you have two options:

1. I disagree with my opponent's position, and therefore I shall oppose it.

2. I disagree with my opponent's position, and therefore I believe he has sex with goats.

The second option is ever so satisfying to the lone iconoclast: the fact that the mainstream media does not report the rumors about midnight goat-deliveries confirms your worldview. And the faintest whiff of goatiness whets your enthusiasm, confirms your juicy suspicions.

But of course the sheeple won’t believe it - which just proves how smart you are.

Is it possible for us to disagree about things without accusing each other of moral depravity? Sometimes a joke is just a joke.

Can we not give each other the benefit of the doubt? Perhaps not. Charles Krauthammer:

To understand the workings of American politics, you have to understand this fundamental law: Conservatives think liberals are stupid. Liberals think conservatives are evil.

posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 7:04 PM on November 5, 2006

I'd pick that quiet kid who everyone makes fun of and whose name no one remembers. You know, the one who is left standing by him or herself after the team captains pick everyone else for their team. That's the MeFite I'd pick because in a thrilling win for the underdog, he'd score precious points for my team in the dying seconds of the debate, just getting us over the line. Then we'd pour Gatorade on him and hoist him on our shoulders while the crowd cheers.

Yeah, yeah, that's who'd I'd pick.
posted by Effigy2000 at 11:02 AM ACST on November 6

I just geve that kid a wedgie.
posted by Pollomacho at 7:05 PM on November 5, 2006

Gave, I gave him a wedgie. Shut up, nerd.
posted by Pollomacho at 7:06 PM on November 5, 2006

I pick you to be on my team. we can take 'em, right?
posted by carsonb at 7:14 PM on November 5, 2006

But I don't want to be on your team, Effigy2000.

Besides, I'll probably be cleaning my guns the night of the debate.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:26 PM on November 5, 2006

I want to be on the drunken irish team. You know that one? That's drunk? And probably irish?
posted by supercrayon at 7:28 PM on November 5, 2006

I would pick for my side, Colin Ferguson. And we would take down the villainous liar, Colin Ferguson, on the other team.
posted by Eideteker at 7:29 PM on November 5, 2006

edverb and monju_bosatsu
posted by hototogisu at 7:45 PM on November 5, 2006

Will that cat in the ceiling be watching this mass debate?
posted by bunglin jones at 7:58 PM on November 5, 2006

I'm with the drunken Irish team, supercrayon. We got Flann O'Brien, motherfuckers! Somehow I get the feeling jonmc might be there as well.
posted by Football Bat at 8:25 PM on November 5, 2006

hototogisu, I am flattered and would be happy to join your debate team. I require a $100,000 retainer, and bill my time in quarter-hour intervals at $300 per hour. I will forward you an engagement letter shortly.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 8:59 PM on November 5, 2006

I'll stay out of the debate because I know at some point an elephant will shit an American flag onto me.
posted by twirlypen at 9:03 PM on November 5, 2006 [1 favorite]

Will that cat in the ceiling be watching this mass debate?

Which one? The one with the tattooed face?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:09 PM on November 5, 2006

I'd take dios and bevets, and we'd take on God, Jesus and Mohammed, one after the next.
posted by furtive at 9:11 PM on November 5, 2006

Are things going to get better around here after your election is over?
posted by timeistight at 9:33 PM on November 5, 2006

I'd take Mayor Peace Love and Unity. He's the rest of you condensed.
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:38 PM on November 5, 2006

I would pick Socrates. We would totally kick everyone's ass and then he would kill himself. So, I wouldn't even have to share the spoils.
posted by oddman at 9:49 PM on November 5, 2006

Are things going to get better around here after your election is over?

Did they after the last few elections?
posted by Pollomacho at 10:10 PM on November 5, 2006

It'll be funny tomorrow when dios checks in to the Haggard threads and tells us how shrill and horrible and intolerant we all are, and that mefi can't "do" religion. He can't stand it when there's drama that doesn't involve himself around here.
posted by bardic at 11:04 PM on November 5, 2006

I pick languagehat because then he can baffle our opponents with cryptic foreign phrases at critical junctures in the debate. And I'm not talking about a limp little latin legalese or frou frou french repartee here - I'm talking serious and intense lingual opponent intimidation here.
posted by madamjujujive at 11:19 PM on November 5, 2006

I say, let 'em crash.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 3:16 AM on November 6, 2006

puke & cry
posted by slimepuppy at 3:45 AM on November 6, 2006

I'll take the rest of the Astro Zombies after Kwine has had his/her draft pick. There were 600 AZs yesterday but they hit their log-phase exponential increase this morning and now there's 6,772,343,898,222,070 of 'em. 71, 72, 73...
posted by jfuller at 4:32 AM on November 6, 2006

I'll take Hitler. Great orator, and likely to undercut Godwinning bullshit from the other side.
"You know who else had 'free-speech zones'? Hitler."
"No, actually, I did not."
"Oh."
posted by klangklangston at 5:52 AM on November 6, 2006 [2 favorites]

It'll be funny tomorrow when dios checks in to the Haggard threads...

Uh. Er. You're bringing that up apropos of nothing why?

can't stand it when there's drama that doesn't involve him

Oh. Okay.

~SCENE~
posted by cortex at 6:26 AM on November 6, 2006

klangklangston writes "I'll take Hitler. Great orator, and likely to undercut Godwinning bullshit from the other side."

hehe... good point.
posted by clevershark at 7:27 AM on November 6, 2006

I am taking dios, peeping_thomist and orthogonality. As long as the team can avoid internecine war, and the members argue the point as given not their personal opinion, there is no stopping this team. oh, and quonsar too.
posted by caddis at 7:33 AM on November 6, 2006

I take Ceiling Cat and the O RLY owl.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:48 AM on November 6, 2006

I'd pick that quiet kid who everyone makes fun of and whose name no one remembers. You know, the one who is left standing by him or herself after the team captains pick everyone else for their team. That's the MeFite I'd pick because in a thrilling win for the underdog, he'd score precious points for my team in the dying seconds of the debate, just getting us over the line. Then we'd pour Gatorade on him and hoist him on our shoulders while the crowd cheers.
Yeah, yeah, that's who'd I'd pick.
posted by Effigy2000

(Sniff) Thanks, Effigy. I'll try to do my debest at the debate.
posted by leftcoastbob at 11:24 AM on November 6, 2006

Paris Hilton.

Or the REVEREND Crash Davis.
posted by Alt F4 at 1:31 PM on November 6, 2006

I'd have my sock puppet pick me so that it would look like it was the captain of my team even though I'd be in total control. I could act out with impunity while it takes all the heat from my opponents for my asinine behavior. I call this the Cheney Gambit.

We'll also argue topicality until the judges cry if we end up as neg. Nothing impresses the judges more than a deft display of dissembly...
posted by Fezboy! at 1:39 PM on November 6, 2006

No one's picked loquacious?! Losers.
posted by deborah at 2:51 PM on November 6, 2006

I take Ceiling Cat and the O RLY owl.

No way. Not me. I like to watch.
posted by Ceiling Cat at 3:19 PM on November 6, 2006

Who wants to be on Team Neutral? We can never be defeated! Or win, for that matter.

Our uniforms are grey.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:58 PM on November 6, 2006

*Panting a little*

Sorry I'm late, guys. Who's left in the draft pool? Any winners there for me?

*Adlai E. Stevenson, Eugene V. Debs, and William Jennings Bryan look up hopefully.*

Well, then. Damn it.
posted by Iridic at 6:38 PM on November 6, 2006

On second thought I'll pick Hubert Humphrey.

I'll just let him go on and on and cut into my opponent's time.
posted by clevershark at 8:57 PM on November 6, 2006