NOT raining on florence....honest!

April 4, 2007 9:27 PM

Observation... Preference for florence henderson? While I truly enjoy florence's entries as much as you all do, I honestly don't see them as being better than SO many other comments, yet she seems to always get a fav vote or four. Is there something I should know here? Sorry, flo, not meaning to bust, I luvs ya too. Just asking though?
posted by Penny Wise to etiquette/policy at 9:27 PM (233 comments total)

Flo is a dude, that might be a start.
posted by jessamyn at 9:31 PM on April 4, 2007

*makes popcorn, settles in*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:31 PM on April 4, 2007

Also flo is constantly hilarious, a proven oldtimer (meant in the mbest way) and rarely ever breaks character of the one liner.
posted by piratebowling at 9:38 PM on April 4, 2007

He's geniously funny.
posted by moira at 9:48 PM on April 4, 2007

Geniusly? I don't suppose spelling matters when you've made the word up.

You may be missing a lot of inside jokes and references.
posted by moira at 9:52 PM on April 4, 2007

floob!
posted by blue_beetle at 9:56 PM on April 4, 2007

urlsp!
posted by Kwantsar at 9:57 PM on April 4, 2007

You're that fucking clown from It, aren't you? I'm watching you.
posted by puke & cry at 10:01 PM on April 4, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Can I have some popcorn, stav? I got beer.
posted by cgc373 at 10:07 PM on April 4, 2007

Hiiya Georgie!
posted by miss lynnster at 10:07 PM on April 4, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I got beer.

Now it's a Florence Henderson Dance Party!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:11 PM on April 4, 2007

He's real big with the sock-puppets.
posted by Dave Faris at 10:11 PM on April 4, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I've been drinking, and I still don't understand what's going on here.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 10:13 PM on April 4, 2007

"If by covetousnesse or negligence, one withdraw from them their ordinary foode, he shall be penny wise, and pound foolish.'"
posted by tellurian at 10:32 PM on April 4, 2007

Ceiling cat is watching this with disdain.

               .__....._             _.....__,
                 .": o :':         ;': o :".
                 `. `-' .'.       .'. `-' .'   
                   `---'             `---'  

         _...----...      ...   ...      ...----..._
      .-'__..-""'----    `.  `"`  .'    ----'""-..__`-.
     '.-'   _.--"""'       `-._.-'       '"""--._   `-.`
     '  .-"'                  :                  `"-.  `
       '   `.              _.'"'._              .'   `
             `.       ,.-'"       "'-.,       .'
               `.                           .'
                 `-._                   _.-'
                     `"'--...___...--'"`

posted by killdevil at 10:36 PM on April 4, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Ceiling cat has been wantonly stretched by Metafilter.
posted by killdevil at 10:37 PM on April 4, 2007

This is stupid even by MeTa's standard, which seems to have gone completely to shit in the last week or so.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:01 PM on April 4, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

This is not a comment of IRFH or anyone else but...

well known users get more favorites than those who are not well known, amiright?
posted by serazin at 11:02 PM on April 4, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I favorited this post.

Everybody happy now?
posted by djgh at 11:02 PM on April 4, 2007

a proven oldtimer (meant in the mbest way)

It is always about "status".

And what Alvy said.
posted by MLIS at 11:03 PM on April 4, 2007

Well, I like him because he's very conscientious about the microfiber.
posted by melissa may at 11:05 PM on April 4, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

Lemme ask you, Penny Wise, do you have Wessonalilty? Do ya, huh?
posted by rob511 at 11:14 PM on April 4, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Tooting-Own-Flügelhorn Filter: I adapted IRFH's username as the title for my second-ever MeFi post, not that anybody noticed (sob)!
posted by rob511 at 11:23 PM on April 4, 2007

So... You're calling someone out for getting favorited?... What are you hoping to accomplish?
posted by amyms at 11:35 PM on April 4, 2007

That's it. From now on, I'm gonna toot rob511's Flügelhorn. Everybody got that?
posted by cgc373 at 11:51 PM on April 4, 2007

Realizing that the denizens of MetaFilter were internalizing the currency of favoritism, we made a decision to remove the inequalities of this system from the playroom Blue.
posted by exlotuseater at 12:02 AM on April 5, 2007

What a bizarre ... callout? Whatever this is.
posted by empyrean at 12:12 AM on April 5, 2007

Be careful with those favorites. Trust me on this one.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:17 AM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

From now on we should all just favorite ourselves. Problem solved!
posted by miss lynnster at 12:26 AM on April 5, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

question.

answer.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 12:30 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

From now on we should all just favorite ourselves.

I've been favoriting myself since I was a teenager, and I still haven't gotten tired of it.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:37 AM on April 5, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

Jesus Christ. This is what I get for trying to have a life and be social. I almost missed this shit.

You may be penny-wise, Penny Wise, but you're sure pound-foolish.
posted by loquacious at 12:51 AM on April 5, 2007

This is a joke, right? Penny Wise is another of Florence's sock puppets, right?
posted by Cranberry at 1:09 AM on April 5, 2007

Can you, like, flame out or something? So this won't have been a waste of my valuable 4am reading time?
posted by nasreddin at 1:17 AM on April 5, 2007

Miss lynnster has favorited me a few times, and I love her very much.
posted by fandango_matt at 1:25 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

My god, I have no idea if anyone has ever favorited me. I'm clearly missing out on the meta-essence of Metafilter. Or something like that.
posted by pjern at 1:32 AM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Maybe some exercise?
posted by maxwelton at 1:35 AM on April 5, 2007

As much as I enjoy It's Raining Florence Henderson, it would be so much more awesome if Florence Henderson was here. I'd favorite her. Even though my mom told me when I was a teenager that Florence Henderson was her mortal enemy.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 1:44 AM on April 5, 2007

Be good to mama.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:54 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Observation... Preference for florence henderson? While I truly enjoy florence's entries as much as you all do, I honestly don't see them as being better than SO many other comments, yet she seems to always get a fav vote or four. Is there something I should know here? Sorry, flo, not meaning to bust, I luvs ya too. Just asking though?

Who cares? I admit there are times when I see a comment with an unusually high number of favorites (say, between ten and thirty) for a comment I find at best mildly amusing. There are also times when a comment actually makes me laugh out loud, or at least snicker, and its only garnered a few--or even zero--favorites. I've also never favorited a comment I find to be funny: not because I disagree with the practice (I think as a rule everyone probably likes having a funny one-liner favorited by a few people), but because I use my favorites as a way to track threads I'd like to return to later if I don't have enough time to go through them thoroughly, or if I think I might like to share the link with someont at some point. As such, I don't want to sift through a thousand favorites so I can rediscover Jonson's "Christ of the Deep" post.

There are literally dozens of reasons people find things funny that you don't. The one I generally come back to, though, is a generational gap. I tend to fall under the median Metafilter age, I think, so my sense of humor (both the things I say or the things I enjoy) may be hit and miss. I think Demetri Martin is a fucking riot, for example, but I can see how he might not be it for someone that's not part of Generation Meh.

But, really, the most important thing to remember is that there are probably hundreds of other users like myself who think something you say is funny--possibly even funny enough to make us laugh out loud and scare those around us--but, for one reason or another, won't click that little plus sign by your name. But gosh darn it, people like you. Honest.

Note: this also explains why dozens of my best comments never received favorites, as my legion of fans tend to be the silent type (I have, however, received a multitude of men's boxer shorts in the mail., several of which smelled subtly of Old Spice. You take your victories where you can get them.
posted by The God Complex at 1:59 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

)
posted by The God Complex at 2:00 AM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

If that scared you, this'll make it all better.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:01 AM on April 5, 2007

I totally did not +favorite that in an ironic way, I swear.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:01 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I did, ironically.
posted by The God Complex at 2:03 AM on April 5, 2007

Oh, I just looked through my favorites list, and apparently I did favorite a comment I found amusing once. Appropriate timing, Stavros!
posted by The God Complex at 2:05 AM on April 5, 2007

This might be as good a time as any to ask: Is this the most favourited comment in metafilter history?
posted by Catfry at 2:06 AM on April 5, 2007

No.

If Cortex were here, his response would look like this: "No, that isn't the most favorited comment in the history of metafilter. This one is."

This would be followed by much favoriting (probably in the neighborhood of thirty-seven). It would fall far short of the record, but it would be a valiant effort, one we'd all grudgingly admire over our scotches. Cheers.

Note: I don't drink scotch, but it seemed appropriate, and, if pressed, I'll drink everything up to and including powerful cough syrup.
posted by The God Complex at 2:12 AM on April 5, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

IRFH has a history of doing stuff like this (recorded here) that people tend to remember. Also, being consistently funny helps.

And 56 favorites is not even close to the most. The one were Steve Wozniak posted in the AskMe about him had around 250 favorites if I remember correctly (and obviously I'm too lazy to look up the link.)
posted by Rhomboid at 2:31 AM on April 5, 2007

Please don't breed.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:33 AM on April 5, 2007

I think the comment from woz is the most favorited, but I'm not sure.
posted by chillmost at 2:34 AM on April 5, 2007

ok, right. I didn't even think when I asked. Of course the woz must have gotten the most. I was halfway to make an argument about the favouriting system and that comment was sort of a springboard to my tirade, but then I got shy and simply posted the question.
posted by Catfry at 2:45 AM on April 5, 2007

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:21 AM on April 5, 2007

mathowie,

Can we have a feature that displays our favorited comments divided by our total comments as a percentage next to our names? I need another metric to help judge my value as a human being.

kthxbye
posted by SteveTheRed at 4:30 AM on April 5, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

Is there something I should know here?

Yes, yes there is. The Reptillians. Know all you can about them and share all you know. They are afraid of the light.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 4:34 AM on April 5, 2007

This is the second time I've favorited myself today. It is impossible for you to verify the first, however, as it is rather private.
posted by moonbird at 4:38 AM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Okay, I admit it. I'm talking about Flo in this comment. Calling him out for his constant quality of comments is perhaps the worst thing you could have done to me, Penny Wise. You bastard. By calling him out, you give him strength, power even! I can't beat a fully armed and operational posting station like that! What did I ever do to you, huh? Did I offend you in some way?

Is this about that locker thing back in high school? Because if it is, I thought we talked about it and were cool. At least I assumed we were as you said "We're cool." but I see now that still waters run deep on the mixed metaphors of the internet.

You've ruined my life! I was so close! How do you expect me to match Flo's output? I'm only one ordinary man, not some sort of humor savant like him.

If I didn't have my favorites/total comments ratio to fall back on when it's late at night and all those niggling worries crawl out of my pillow and assail my ears, I'd hunt you down. But still, they'll come. Beastly things made of self-doubt and worry, they slip into my thoughts, my dreams gnawing their way into my self worth, pulling at the threads of my sanity, and always whispering, whispering, whispering. But at least now I can picture what they look like as they dance across my brow and follow me into daylight hours, cackling over the keyboard as type this, calling to me that this smacks of desperation, of self promotion, and vaguely of cheese:

They look like you.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:12 AM on April 5, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

This callout reminds me of my crazy old uncle. He used to yell things at the T.V. like, "Those Doodletown Pipers are dull-as-lint!" Then the whole family would be like, "Uncle Barney, they are not! Everyone loves the Doodletown Pipers!" And then he would say something like, "No, no, no. Don't get me wrong! I love the Doodletown Pipers. They're weirdly but undeniably charming!"
posted by Otis at 5:21 AM on April 5, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

He's very funny. (IRFH, I never knew Uncle Otis.)
posted by OmieWise at 5:43 AM on April 5, 2007

The most sure fire way to get someone to say nice things about someone is to post a Meta thread saying "Person sucks amirite?" and then all the metazins will come out and say "No you're wrong. Person rules!" Conversely, the most sure fire way to get someone to say something bad about someone is to post a Meta thread saying "Person rules amirite?" and then all the metazins will come out and say "Meh. Person is so overrated! I am so bored with his schtick. A lot of people seem to like him, but I just can't see why." They will say it in their most dismissive too-cool-for-school voice. It will be very cutting.
posted by ND¢ at 6:01 AM on April 5, 2007

Man, things are getting weird around here.
posted by languagehat at 6:08 AM on April 5, 2007

what you mean 'getting,' kemosabe?
posted by jonmc at 6:17 AM on April 5, 2007

The most sure fire way to get someone to say nice things about someone is to post a Meta thread saying "Person sucks amirite?"

Someone needs to start a "I suck amirite" thread. Will Mefites' urge to disagree with the poster trump the urge to trash the poster?
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 6:31 AM on April 5, 2007

Although, Penny Wise got his first favorite here. Hard work pays off.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:31 AM on April 5, 2007

Someone needs to start a "I suck amirite" thread. Will Mefites' urge to disagree with the poster trump the urge to trash the poster?

Heads would be asplodin' aplenty!
posted by ND¢ at 6:33 AM on April 5, 2007

He's not half as funny as Pot & Kettle were.
posted by Dave Faris at 6:37 AM on April 5, 2007

just go with the flo, dude.
posted by jonmc at 6:38 AM on April 5, 2007

You're a wack-a-doodle Penny Wise. Everyone knows that IRFH is in the cabal. Maybe if you learn the secret hand-shake and start tithing to the cabal's beer fund, you'll get some favorites, too. Also you have to polish jonmc's Chuck Taylors.

Mwahaahaahaa
posted by Mister_A at 6:49 AM on April 5, 2007

To follow-up:

Must make poster feel bad.

Must disagree with poster.

But poster said he doesn't like himself so to disagree would make him feel good but must make poster feel bad...

But if he always lies then he must be telling the truth.

But if he is telling the truth then he is lying...

Lying ... feel bad ... disagree ... truth ... orange

NOTHING RHYMES WITH ORANGE!

*sparks*

*bzzzzzing sound*

*head asplodes*
posted by ND¢ at 6:49 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

*favorites ND¢*

See you at the meeting!
posted by Mister_A at 6:51 AM on April 5, 2007

OH MY GOD MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE! I AM IN THE CABAL!

There is no cabal.
posted by ND¢ at 6:53 AM on April 5, 2007

Maybe if you learn the secret hand-shake and start tithing to the cabal's beer fund, you'll get some favorites, too. Also you have to polish jonmc's Chuck Taylors.

It's not a cabal per se, more of a crime family. If you want to join you have to ask on IRFH's daughter's wedding day as he sits there petting a cat. I'll be standing next to him a la Tom Hagen. When Divine_Wino comes in to say that he hopes the first child will be a masculine child, then you gotta scram and go outside and watch rainbaby sing dirty tarantellas.
posted by jonmc at 6:55 AM on April 5, 2007

IRFH is so consistently hilarious that I hardly even favorite him anymore. I'll read something he's written, laugh out loud (to the annoyance of my cubemates), and move on, shaking my head and saying softly, "Oh that It's Raining Florence Henderson. What a card." He has to be super-ultra-mega funny to get a favorite out of me now. That's right, I take IRFH for granted.

This little callout thingie here has me scratching my head.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 7:00 AM on April 5, 2007

I really think we need to change the subject. Let's rate the Superhunks. The way I see it, it goes:

1. Me
2. ?
posted by COBRA! at 7:02 AM on April 5, 2007

Not a boy child per se, just a masculine one, hairy knuckles and that.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:03 AM on April 5, 2007

I really think we need to change the subject. Let's rate the Superhunks. The way I see it, it goes:

1. Me
2. ?

No. Substitute ME for 'me,' my friend. Meaning me, of course.
posted by jonmc at 7:05 AM on April 5, 2007

Okay and also now here, is listening please: what’s the deal with Florence being everybody’s favourite and not me? If I didn’t know any better (and I really do), it almost seems like this member is a highly participatory, long-standing, positively contributing, endearing and also consistently entertaining poster with a knack for online comic delivery and good relational skills, and also the time and willingness to contribute extensively to the spirit and life of the community, while using his quasi-celebrity status in a relatively low-key manner and remaining generally well-liked for all these reasons, when CLEARLY this is not the case because I am the person who wants this role please. I makes a billions of great comment, but everybody favour the Florence.

And also, personally, I think that a gender-non-specific username consisting of a series of non-sequitirs is kind of off-putting. Is somebody telling Florence Henderson that it’s raining? Or is it literally raining Florence Hendersons from the sky? Or is it a metaphor for an overabundance of Florence Henderson, as it “it’s raining cats and dogs?” Is Metafilter really the place for these kind of bizarre, haphazardly strung-together sequences of words? No it’s NOT and I want streamlined usernames and a clearly defined hierarchy of betterness that includes me very near to the top, but not so close that I start coming under regular scrutiny and have to start posting things people like.

Sincerely,
- Guilder, the country across the sea, the sworn enemy of Florence.
posted by Milkman Dan at 7:08 AM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

re: Superhunks:

I understand that chicks dig Fabio; please correct me with maximal nerdly indignation if this is incorrect.
posted by Mister_A at 7:10 AM on April 5, 2007

*turns to Don IRFH*

You want I should have 'matteo' clemenza whack this Milkman Dan gamoosh?
posted by jonmc at 7:10 AM on April 5, 2007

COBRA!, Though I can't argue with you at number one, what's up with ? at number 2? Have you seen that guy lately? He's put on a lot of weight.
posted by Kwine at 7:11 AM on April 5, 2007

"Is somebody telling Florence Henderson that it’s raining? Or is it literally raining Florence Hendersons from the sky? Or is it a metaphor for an overabundance of Florence Henderson, as it “it’s raining cats and dogs?”"

I prefer to imagine that it's raining Florence Hendersons from the sky. But I also sort of hear someone whispering to Florence Henderson that it's raining. It's both! And it's also meaningless! That's what makes it the bestest username evar. In my humble opinion, of course.

I could happily expand on this if you like. Now that matt has corrected that pesky character limit on comments, I feel the wind underneath my wings.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:18 AM on April 5, 2007

No. Substitute ME for 'me,' my friend. Meaning me, of course.

Everybody here who's such a smokin' hot superhunk that they've been playing a rock show at a scuzzy bar and had a worn-down hooker walk through the place and casually lift up her skirt towards the stage to flash the band, please rate your hand.

Oh. I see. Advantage, COBRA!

what's up with ? at number 2? Have you seen that guy lately? He's put on a lot of weight.

Superhunkdom's not all about the intangibles. Sometimes being more tangible helps.
posted by COBRA! at 7:24 AM on April 5, 2007

In much the same vein as that optical illusion where people either see two faces or a vase, I had never thought of someone telling Florence Henderson that it's raining as a possible, nay, more sensible interpretation. My eyes they hath doth been opened!
posted by TwoWordReview at 7:28 AM on April 5, 2007

I think the comment from woz is the most favorited, but I'm not sure.

I love that it currently has 255 favorites.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 7:31 AM on April 5, 2007

Is 255 imbued with special awesomeness, or is just some huge number?
posted by Mister_A at 7:41 AM on April 5, 2007

255.
posted by Milkman Dan at 7:46 AM on April 5, 2007

Ahh now I get it:

In StarCraft, the maximum number of kills a unit can obtain is 255, and after using a map editor, the maximum upgrades to attack/armor/shields is 255.

posted by Mister_A at 7:48 AM on April 5, 2007

Man these reverse callouts are wicked. Look what it did to TKChrist. Never heard from the guy again. Well played, penny wise, well played.
posted by vronsky at 8:00 AM on April 5, 2007

Flo is good stuff. He's sharp, he has timing, he's got a wonderful absurdist streak that he knows how to contain and use. And despite the occasional nitpick on my part, he's got great meter.

Recognizable posters are probably going to get some bonus favorites from the favorite-happy crowd (I, like The God Complex, rarely favorite laugh-out-loud comments, since I use mine more for tracking interesting things), out of a sort of popular-visibility feedback mechanism, but it'd be overstating it badly to suggest that there's any fundamental misrepresentation in his favorite counts. He's just goddam funny enough to get an extra 10% vig.
posted by cortex at 8:00 AM on April 5, 2007

I feel the same way about Celine Dion.
posted by breezeway at 8:03 AM on April 5, 2007

Mister_A Starcraft has that limit because 255 is special, not vice versa.

hint, try counting from 0
posted by Skorgu at 8:04 AM on April 5, 2007

Mister_A: "Is 255 imbued with special awesomeness, or is just some huge number?"

It's the maximum value that an unsigned eight-bit (one byte) integer can have. Woz is a computer-type, so it's a happy coincidence.
posted by Plutor at 8:04 AM on April 5, 2007

I'm with cortex. Flo's funniness is absolutely humbling. He's up there with ColcChef in on The MeFi Funny Fuckers Mount Olympus.
posted by jonmc at 8:10 AM on April 5, 2007

But, sadly, only in the mid-7000s on the Superhunks countdown.
posted by COBRA! at 8:12 AM on April 5, 2007

Or is it a metaphor for an overabundance of Florence Henderson, as it “it’s raining cats and dogs?”

I'm not sure "it's raining cats and dogs" means what you think it means.
posted by occhiblu at 8:20 AM on April 5, 2007

I just stepped in a poodle.
posted by jonmc at 8:22 AM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

If we're doing the IRFH interpretive dance, then I always read it as a play on It's Raining Men, with the implied hallelujah that comes next, not the declarative "hey Flo, it be raining yo".
posted by Rhomboid at 8:27 AM on April 5, 2007

skorgu 'n' Plutor:

So what you are really trying to tell me is:

In Warcraft II, the maximum mana for any magic unit is 255.

Or in other words, 255 is just some huge number.
posted by Mister_A at 8:28 AM on April 5, 2007

For God's sake, IRFH...can you please post a comment so I can favourite it?
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 8:31 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I once saw IRFH walk across water to heal an injured swan. IRHF then turned into an eagle that battled crime.
posted by boo_radley at 8:39 AM on April 5, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

I try to spread my favorites out, giving some to the n00bs, like a pat on the head that's both encouraging and patronizing. Then sometimes I'll give them to the oldsters, so they remember that, for the most part, I've been there in the trenches with them, fighting off camwhores, promoting Pretty Flowers, and posting to cult threads.

I would give a favorite or two to members of the cabal, but there is no cabal.

Sometimes I favorite things just because it's a big blog of text that I assume is either insightful or hilarious.

There are times where I wield my favorites as a way to remind myself that I should probably read this eventually, as it might be interesting.

There are times though where I wish there was a minus sign with a violent passion I usually reserve for hating Cingular/AT&T (as much as it goes against the nature of Mefi).
posted by drezdn at 8:42 AM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I, for one, think that favorites ratios should be included in a person's username like this:

posted by drezdn (362/319) at 11:42 AM on April 5 [+] [!]

Drezdn would be an example of someone who loves more than he is loved... and we would fave accordingly. I, for one, love drezdn so much more than I am loved by drezdn. "If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me."
posted by anotherpanacea at 8:51 AM on April 5, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Wait, also, before we totally lose the thread in that jovial we're all fools down here kind of way. Is this the stupidest callout ever, ever? If there are one or more dumber than this (I know it's subjective, but I trust you guys) can someone let me have the link, please?
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:51 AM on April 5, 2007

Nah, you've got it. Stupidest callout ever - this callout, it vibrates not, neither does it sing.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:59 AM on April 5, 2007

For God's sake, IRFH...can you please post a comment so I can favourite it?

You are woefully ignorant of call out etiquette. You never comment in your own call out until at least six hours after it begins. This gives people time to long for your presence, but doesn't let your call out slip from the top two or three spots. You just watch your call out, refreshing every eight seconds or so. It is akin to watching your own funeral. You get to find out what everybody thinks of you. This is a great time for working on your friends and enemies list. Then, around hour six or so, you come in and say something along the lines of "Wow, my very own call out. And for x. I can't believe it. I would have responded earlier but I was asleep/in a meeting/out with friends. Anyway, I guess I can address a few of the things I've seen when scanning this thread..." Then you let loose with the replies that you have had in your head for the last six hours just busting to come out, but they are tempered by your waiting and editing them during that time. So it is a pretty great comment. Then you don't comment again at all. Then you bookmark your call out and look at it for the next ten years off and on whenever you feel like you aren't getting enough attention on the internet and say to yourself "I was a big man once."
posted by ND¢ at 9:04 AM on April 5, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

OMG
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:06 AM on April 5, 2007 [79 favorites has favorites]

The most sure fire way to get someone to say nice things about someone is to post a Meta thread saying "Person sucks amirite?" and then all the metazins will come out and say "No you're wrong. Person rules!"

arcticwoman sucks, amirite?
posted by arcticwoman at 9:09 AM on April 5, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Yep, you're right.
posted by iconomy at 9:10 AM on April 5, 2007

Well, I suppose that will probably end up being me.
And I'm thinkin' "trashing" will probably win if matteo & tkchrist are around.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:11 AM on April 5, 2007

arcticwoman sucks, amirite?

eh, she's ok.
posted by jonmc at 9:14 AM on April 5, 2007

I'm starting to think ebk is on to something...
posted by dios at 9:22 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Dear AskMetaTalk,
Would you guys be really mad if I favorited the Woz comment?
posted by Mister_A at 9:23 AM on April 5, 2007

OMG
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:06 PM on April 5 [12 favorites +]
[!]

No! No! Stop! I'm making a list, you bastards!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:23 AM on April 5, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

r_i_b, sounds like a good opening line for a story. I'm picturing Santa up in his workshop, drunken elves cavorting, etc.
posted by Mister_A at 9:26 AM on April 5, 2007

This thread finally nudged me into finding out whether Florence Henderson is a real person or just a funny made-up name. Real person, in case anyone else was wondering, from off the telly.
posted by jack_mo at 9:27 AM on April 5, 2007

it would be so much more awesome if Florence Henderson was here.

Florence Henderson was on a game show with my old Greek professor--Jeopardy or 25,000 dollar pyramid; I don't remember which. It would be awesome if he were here, too.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:28 AM on April 5, 2007

Who cares if your professor was Greek? [NOT GREEKIST]
posted by Mister_A at 9:28 AM on April 5, 2007

I've never favorited posts, and not because I don't like certain posts. I just don't like popularity contests. And since I connect via Blackberry (which is painfully slow) I have to make careful choices about what I click on, and I'd rather engage in the site via comments than via Hall of Fame balloting. Plus, there's so much I don't see on the site that for me to mark favorites would do nobody any justice. I'm also so far behind in starting that I'd feel bad about what I haven't favorited, and I'd feel obliged to go back to historical threads and select the comments I like best. Then I'd get behind on my current reading. Oh, and I'm one of those people who tries to narrow down favorite things to those which are truly my favorite ever, and I'm afraid of diluting my perceptions by just flinging the term around willy-nilly.

All that said, I do think it's nice when someone favorites one of my natterings, and I appreciate it, and I feel a little bad about responding in kind. Maybe one day I'll start, but it's just not my style, at least not yet.

I think It's Raining Florence Henderson is cool, and deserves all the applause he gets.
posted by breezeway at 9:32 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

From the Telly? I always thought Florence Henderson was a nurse or something. Saving the lives of zany teenagers from a blended family during the Crimean war or something... Wait, why is it raining?
posted by arcticwoman at 9:34 AM on April 5, 2007

One of my favorite things about IRFH's handle is that it got me thinking about Florence herself, and that whole sort of expired genre^* of super-wholesome TV/Movie moms, and I managed at one point to replace Doris Day in my mental image of The Man Who Knew Too Much with Florecence Henderson. And she was just singing Que Sera Sera at the top of her lungs in the embassy, and then Alice joined in and man was that a weird thing for Hitchcock to do.
posted by cortex at 9:35 AM on April 5, 2007

Real person, in case anyone else was wondering, from off the telly.

What about that Hitler guy? Any info there?
posted by Armitage Shanks at 9:35 AM on April 5, 2007

It's Raining Nightingales, arcticwoman?
posted by breezeway at 9:36 AM on April 5, 2007

^*As we're now well into the realm of post-wholesome TV moms, who can these days be roughly broken into three categories: sexy, sassy mom; snarky, sassy mom; Murphy Brown.
posted by cortex at 9:36 AM on April 5, 2007

What about Mrs. Hilton (mildly retarded mom) ?
posted by Mister_A at 9:38 AM on April 5, 2007

Confession: I often get It's Raining Florence Henderson and stavrosthewonderchicken mixed up. Their names both end with a vowel+N sound, have almost the same amount of syllables, and when I read their respective handles at the bottom of a comment, the cadences 'sound' the same to my mind's ear. There's also the undeniable sex appeal, but that's probably something I should keep to myself.

*Updates MetaSlash lj*

FWIW, miss lynster, I got yer back.
Yeah, you're screwed.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:41 AM on April 5, 2007

Imagine you're at a party. Some person at the party is cracking everyone up. Now, let's further imagine that you're not jealous of this (even though you totally are) and that you're actually just intellectually curious (even though you're actually just trying to figure out why everyone isn't fawning over how awesome YOU are.) when you go over to a group of people who are laughin at Mr Hilarious and ask "So why's everyone laughing with this guy? He's not THAT funny."

How do you imagine that would go over? Even after you got the strange looks and qualified it with a hurried "I mean, I think he's great! I'm just asking, is all."

Yyyyeeeaaaahhhh, good luck with this.
posted by shmegegge at 9:58 AM on April 5, 2007

From now on we should all just favorite ourselves. Problem solved!

way ahead of you.
posted by shmegegge at 10:00 AM on April 5, 2007

It doesn't hurt that he has the best username in the history of the internet.
posted by merelyglib at 10:00 AM on April 5, 2007

OMG

Flagged.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:17 AM on April 5, 2007

(even though you're actually just trying to figure out why everyone isn't fawning over how awesome YOU are.)

I really don't think that's fair. Penny Wise has practically zero comment history to even possibly favorite. To say she(?) posted this because she was jealous is leaping to conclusions. Besides, it gave us an opportunity to be silly and celebrate the flojo. What's the point of being a dick about it?
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 10:20 AM on April 5, 2007

MetaFilter:OMG Flagged.
posted by Mister_A at 10:25 AM on April 5, 2007

I'M THE MOST LESS FUNNY THAN I USED TO BE.
posted by quonsar at 10:34 AM on April 5, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Whenever I think of IRFH . . .

I think of beautiful blue sky suffused with white clouds, while Golden Drops of Wesson Oil gently fill the air softly refracting the sun's light and gilding the air.







And chicken. Lots of fried chicken.
posted by MasonDixon at 10:35 AM on April 5, 2007

It's not 255... It's -1.
posted by Roger Dodger at 10:36 AM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I really don't think that's fair. Penny Wise has practically zero comment history to even possibly favorite. To say she(?) posted this because she was jealous is leaping to conclusions. Besides, it gave us an opportunity to be silly and celebrate the flojo. What's the point of being a dick about it?

fair enough. I wasn't trying to be a dick, but i should have toned it down a bit. still, what are we supposed to take from this if not "why does everyone like flo? he doesn't deserve it!" sure, there's a qualifier at the end, but anyone looking to avoid being flamed would tack that on at the end insincerely. it's entirely possible that this person really didn't mean to diss flo, and so I should have been more judicious in my wording, but it's very difficult to see this as just a curiosity thing.
posted by shmegegge at 10:39 AM on April 5, 2007

IRFH's username makes me think of Magritte, but with FloHo replacing the man in the bowler hat.
posted by eyeballkid at 10:42 AM on April 5, 2007

it's raining florence henderson!
hallelujah!
posted by eyeballkid at 10:43 AM on April 5, 2007

Ah, Magritte.
posted by cortex at 10:45 AM on April 5, 2007

Well, I just learned something. I'd always assumed that Florence Henderson was one of the Weathergirls, so every time I saw IRFH's name it kind of put me in a happy place ("Hallelujah!"). Now that I see she's some annoying sitcom actress, I feel let down.

But learning that my countryman Paul Schafer wrote that great song has cheered me up somewhat. So it goes.
posted by timeistight at 11:13 AM on April 5, 2007

Favoriting, my ass. I've come close to asking tkchrist to marry me more than once for his hilarious comments. Don't tell his wife. Or my boyfriend, for that matter.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 11:19 AM on April 5, 2007

Now that I see she's some annoying totally awesome sitcom actress

I mean, for god's sake, she was in a Weird Al video. And Shakes the Clown. And she cameoed as herself on Police Squad!
posted by cortex at 11:21 AM on April 5, 2007

The All-New Florence Henderson Official Site.
posted by ericb at 11:25 AM on April 5, 2007

And she cameoed as herself on Police Squad!

Oh my god I misread that as something I don't really want to think about.
posted by COBRA! at 11:26 AM on April 5, 2007

I never actually saw IT before... I read it, and it scared the crap out of me until the end. I won't spoil it for anyone else, but when I found out what IT really was I was actually less scared. Stephen King seriously needs to get over his retarded phobias. I mean, c'mon.
posted by Deathalicious at 11:26 AM on April 5, 2007

That's usually the way with King, though. The last book of his I read was Desperation which, ***SPOILER ALERT*** while by no means perfect, had a great scary set up with lots of creepy atmosphere and a truly menacing, damn near omnipotent villain in the redneck Sheriff (or whatever he was called). But then, as always, in the last 100-or-so pages, we find out the villain is actually not at all what he appears to be, and is really some kind of fog from space that's been trapped in a mine for a couple thousand years, or some shit (I'll admit -- it's been a while since I read it) and it completely dulls the edges of an otherwise sharp little horror story, turning it to mush. It's also why movies based on his books usually suck.

It's Raining Florence Henderson, on the other hand, is always good to the last drop.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:53 AM on April 5, 2007

"I prefer to imagine that it's raining Florence Hendersons from the sky."

Me too, but with my luck it would be raining Florence Henderson and I'd only have a fork.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:04 PM on April 5, 2007

I mean, for god's sake, she was in a Weird Al video. And Shakes the Clown. And she cameoed as herself on Police Squad!

Sorry cortex. Star Wars and the Brady bunch are where I part ways with your generation.
posted by timeistight at 12:06 PM on April 5, 2007

Scram, oldster. ;>
posted by jonmc at 12:16 PM on April 5, 2007

Actually, Star Wars, the Brady Bunch, Massively multiplayer online role-playing games, punk rock and the Lord of the Rings are just some of the ways, but the Brady Bunch is pretty high up there.
posted by timeistight at 12:18 PM on April 5, 2007

From the all new Florence Henderson Official Site FAQ:

Do you wear dentures?
I do not wear dentures! I am very proud of the fact that I have all my own teeth. However, I do advertise for Polident because other members of my family use the product and love it. I never claim to use the product myself in the commercials!
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 12:30 PM on April 5, 2007

What's the point of being a dick about it?

For some people, dickitude is its own reward.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:21 PM on April 5, 2007

Florence Henderson is awesome. She was on Bill Mahr's Politically Incorrect and stole the show, I thought. Plus she had an affair with the actor playing the oldest son on the Brady Bunch while the show was in production, some style points there.
posted by maxwelton at 1:22 PM on April 5, 2007

Don't forget: Without us MetaNobodies, there wouldn't be anyone to favorite all you MetaSuperStars.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 1:47 PM on April 5, 2007

All these years I thought Florence Henderson was Florence Johnston (on the far left). Which makes more sense "It' Raining"-wise because the Bradys lived in a split level house, but the Jeffersons lived in a deluxe apartment in the sky.
posted by ND¢ at 2:08 PM on April 5, 2007

What this thread needs is a bucket o' cocks.
posted by Mister_A at 2:22 PM on April 5, 2007

What it needs is to be raining buckets of cocks.

Or a Reigning Bucket of Cocks.

Your choice.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:31 PM on April 5, 2007

Where do we redeem our favorites?
posted by Burhanistan at 2:32 PM on April 5, 2007

It's also why movies based on his books usually suck.

movies based on books suck in general. they are like pasteurized processed imitation cheese food product compared to real cheddar.
posted by quonsar at 2:36 PM on April 5, 2007

Remember that really awesome HP Lovecraft movie?

trick question
posted by Mister_A at 2:37 PM on April 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

you saw alone in the dark, too!?
posted by shmegegge at 2:39 PM on April 5, 2007

Remember that really awesome HP Lovecraft movie?

Yes, I do.
posted by puke & cry at 2:53 PM on April 5, 2007

I once saw Florence Henderson on TV literally chugging Wesson Oil. And ever since then I have been firmly in the Florence Henderson Is Awesome Club.
posted by theredpen at 2:56 PM on April 5, 2007

Plus she had an affair with the actor playing the oldest son on the Brady Bunch while the show was in production, some style points there.

Did you really date Greg Brady (Barry Williams)?

"That whole thing with Barry got blown way out of proportion. I guess in a sense it was a date, because Barry thought it was. But of course, I had no idea that his intentions were to 'date' me. It has made for a good story though!"

Did you date Florence Henderson?

"I had a crush on Florence Henderson throughout the filming of our show. I did get up the nerve to ask her out on a date, and she accepted. We had a great time but it is safe to say my expectations were different than hers."

posted by ericb at 3:15 PM on April 5, 2007

I just cannot believe that NOBODY commented on/caught my link to Florence Henderson as a singing dominatrix. You people are WORTHLESS.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:36 PM on April 5, 2007

My bad. Guess I have some explaining to do when she gets here ("I Saw U" ads are awesome!).
posted by maxwelton at 3:44 PM on April 5, 2007

It's true, I am all about the undeniable sex appeal, but I'm no Florence Henderson.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:04 PM on April 5, 2007

Feeling more enlightened than Buddha in a bucket of recycled acid rain.
posted by Penny Wise at 5:57 PM on April 5, 2007

Is anybody besides me slightly concerned that IRFH has not posted another comment anywhere in MetaLand in the nine hours since his "OMG" here?

Flo! Come back! Everything's cool! We love you and we've just emailed a flesh-eating virus to Penny Wise so he/she/IT won't bother you anymore! At least post something to your own blog just to tell us you're not too traumatized!
posted by wendell at 6:35 PM on April 5, 2007

Speaking of OMG, Paul Shaffer wrote "It's Raining Men"?! I was born and raised in the town that begat "It's Raining Men"?

Well, it beats "Fortune Teller", but damn, how flipping surreal.
posted by myopicman at 7:12 PM on April 5, 2007

It appears we need a chatfilter.

Or is that MeTa's new role?
posted by five fresh fish at 7:29 PM on April 5, 2007

I shared a stick of gum with Sonny Bono.
posted by Dizzy at 7:32 PM on April 5, 2007

This is so wierd. It's like asking your new boss at the end of your first job review "Well, how can I get a four out of five next time?"

Except there are thousands of these bosses and they don't tell you anything worthwhile and then you realize that you're still asleep and the review hasn't happened yet and MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! OMG MAKE IT STOP RAINING FLORENCE HENDERSON!

At least that's what I hear. (hope this ain't a double)
posted by lysdexic at 7:35 PM on April 5, 2007

I shared a stick of gum with Sonny Bono.
posted by Dizzy

Did you get firsties, or secondies?
posted by Balisong at 8:05 PM on April 5, 2007

Firsties.
Sonny was weak.
It was Juicyfruit.
He had such soft hands.
posted by Dizzy at 8:07 PM on April 5, 2007

Whenever I see IRFH's username, I imagine Florence Henderson floating down from the sky, with the ends of that proto-mullet-wacky-70s-flip hairstyle catching the air like The Flying Nun's habit.
posted by amyms at 8:36 PM on April 5, 2007

Whenever I see IRFH's username...

Whenever I see it, the logic circuits in my brain churn and grind and can't make sense of it. So I just give up thinking about it and all of a sudden edges and colors look crisper and more vivid.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:44 PM on April 5, 2007

Yeah, but Robin Williams called me "Bill Tilden" because of the sweater I was wearing and Casey Kasem yelled at me on a live PBS pledge drive and Gary Owens wrote me an endorsement of my comedy as "funnier than Lorne Greene and Jack Lord combined!" I really should have had more brushes with celebrity than I have... oh, I was once in the express line of a supermarket in L.A. right behind Laker player Harold "Happy" Hairston.
posted by wendell at 8:55 PM on April 5, 2007

I've prayed next to Hakeem Olajuwon in a mosque several times.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:02 PM on April 5, 2007

Irene Ryan was my fouth cousin.
(Granny from The Beverly Hilbillies)
posted by Balisong at 9:04 PM on April 5, 2007

I thought she was your thid cousin, tice removed.
posted by Dizzy at 9:24 PM on April 5, 2007

In my local coffeeshop, I shook hands with sumo champion Musashimaru. His was by far the largest hand I ever shook.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:28 PM on April 5, 2007

I handed Timothy Leary an ashtray once.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:02 AM on April 6, 2007

Let's see... what other names can I drop? Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds once hit on me by grunting at my chest. Milton Berle once called me Robert (he had his reasons). The Blasters once played Marie Marie at me during a soundcheck. Bono once kissed me on my cheek. And John Fogerty is quite literally my mortal enemy FOREVER.

FOGERRRRRRRRRRTTTTYYYYYYY!!!!
posted by miss lynnster at 12:14 AM on April 6, 2007

I cannot imagine, in my flightiest fancy, a single reason to call you Robert.
Say the word and Fogerty is toast.
Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 12:24 AM on April 6, 2007

I met Michael Moore once. He is very friendly and very fat.
posted by Deathalicious at 3:42 AM on April 6, 2007

Steven Segal rode in my family's minivan while on a fact-finding tour about railguns for a movie he never made.

WHAT WERE YOU REALLY UP TO, SEGAL!!??
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:20 AM on April 6, 2007

Did he (Segal) talk all gravelly and ass-kickularly, or was he kinda like, "Oh hey! There's a Wegman's! I love Wegman's."

Oh and here is my brush with fame: Shot a video with John O'
Hurley (aka Jay Peterman). This was in the years between Seinfeld and the dancing thing, so his quote was still in a relatively accessible range. By accessible, I mean only a little bit more, per day, than I made in a year at the time. Any way, he's a lovely chap, John O'Hurley is.
posted by Mister_A at 5:55 AM on April 6, 2007

I once hung out with a 300lb junkie who claimed he played a 300lb junkie in a Segal movie once.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 6:01 AM on April 6, 2007

I have partied my ass off with Eddie Munster.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:15 AM on April 6, 2007

I spent an afternoon on an East Village rooftop with Burning Spear.
posted by breezeway at 6:53 AM on April 6, 2007

I almost collided with Mark E. Smith in a doorway and we were both wearing white button down shirts and dark brown pants.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:55 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Ron Jeremy walked up to a friend and me at a bar in the Palms and asked if we knew what the bar's name was... We didn't know. He shrugged and walked away.
posted by Bugg at 6:59 AM on April 6, 2007

The only celebrity I have seen is Muhammed Ali, and I saw him twice, thirty years apart.
posted by theredpen at 7:03 AM on April 6, 2007

Randomly, I do believe that if Florence Henderson herself showed up and began commenting in this thread, it would be even better than the time the Woz showed up. Flo? Are you out there? I know you're lurking.
posted by Bugg at 7:04 AM on April 6, 2007

FirstJewishPresidentFilter:I have shaken Ed Rendell's hand more times than any other hand, just about. He is a hand-shaking whore. Most recently I shook his hand in front of the Bellevue during the Broad Street Run (last May). More like slapped his hand as I was running and he was not.

Oh, I forgot this one: GiantWhiteDudFilter: Once sized Shawn Bradley for RollerBlades. LOL! He was on the Sixers at the time but this shot from his Mavs days is fairly illustrative of Bradley's style.
posted by Mister_A at 7:05 AM on April 6, 2007

I held the door open for Alan Alda once.

I also took pictures of other people standing next to him (oddly enough, I was getting paid to do this).
posted by drezdn at 7:33 AM on April 6, 2007

I've jammed with Iggy Pop and Pat Simmons from the Doobie Bros. (not at the same time!) exchanged emails with Dave Gregory from XTC, and played 2 songs on an Iain Matthews album. I print T shirts for Joe Ely, and he's a damn nice guy.

Denzel Washigton was shooting a film a block from my shop some years back, and while I didn't meet him, I caught a glimpse of him driving by the set one day. There was a whole throng of women across the street, being held at bay by a couple of cops, all shouting "Denzel! Denzel!" at the top of their lungs.

What is it with fame?
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:41 AM on April 6, 2007

Iggy Pop was in the Doobie Bros.?

Sorry, couldn't resist
posted by Mister_A at 7:50 AM on April 6, 2007

A litle onion powder (not onion salt) greatly improves scrambled eggs.
posted by flabdablet at 7:53 AM on April 6, 2007

That's him rolling in shards of glass on
"China Grove".
posted by Dizzy at 7:53 AM on April 6, 2007

I jammed Iggy Pop's father into a doobie once.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 7:54 AM on April 6, 2007

Justin Wilson is my second cousin twice removed and my right elbow has been between Cybil Sheppard's ass cheeks. (Bit of an exaggeration. She was singing at a benefit dinner and dancing around among the tables. I had my hand on the arm of my chair such that my elbow was sticking out and she vigorously backed into it.)
posted by Carbolic at 8:57 AM on April 6, 2007

Hmmm, let's see...

I got to go bowling with Mark Roth once.

I was in the same airplane to Cleveland with Don King (and his hair).

I passed Jerry Seinfeld in the revolving door at Ogilvy (I was going, he was coming).

Oh yeah, I once saw a bum take a shit right in the middle of the sidewalk during lunch hour. That one was probably the best.
posted by slogger at 9:04 AM on April 6, 2007

I met Black Francis/Frank Black/Charles Thompson.

At a Kinko's.

In Chatsworth, CA.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:05 AM on April 6, 2007

My wife works with a former NBA Tall White Guy. The Dudster, specifically.
posted by cortex at 9:31 AM on April 6, 2007

My step dad and I spotted Rod Steiger at the Waldorf circa 1982, and stalked him (just for a few seconds, to make sure it was really him) as he walked around the lobby and into the gift shop.
posted by Devils Slide at 9:43 AM on April 6, 2007

My wife works with a former NBA Tall White Guy...

In the interest of fairness, he was a thoroughly nice guy, and a decent shot-blocker.
posted by Mister_A at 9:48 AM on April 6, 2007

Oh, no doubt.
posted by cortex at 9:52 AM on April 6, 2007

Okay, since it seems an appropriate thread... I shall tell the dreaded FOGERTY story. Ready kids?

I used to work as a Club Host at the House of Blues in LA when it opened. Basically, I would sit around, drink coffee, point out the restrooms, and guard stools in the stantioned-off VIP area. And then see free shows. There were hardly any places to sit in the HOB, and even if there had been a million stools available, somehow people just feel that they NEED to sit on the stools in the special roped off area. So I was there to make sure only the people on my list did so. And that nobody stole any of the stools before those special people showed up.

Yes, I was very important.

Anyhow, so on the night of a Rev. Horton Heat show, this guy walks up in a RED SUEDE FRINGE JACKET (still can't get over that) with a nice looking lady. I see that it's John Fogerty & think to myself that one of my college friends would be very excited. Well, crusty old be-fringed rock guy tells me "We want to sit here." I explain to him what my job is and that these seats are reserved. He proceeds to ask me if I know who he is and to tell me that he's played on the stage before and the owner knows him. I tell him that I appreciate that but there are only 5 seats left and those have been reserved by VIP HOB members who will be coming down right after they finish their dinner. He says he doesn't care, that he should get them. His companion looks embarrassed & I felt bad for her more than anything. I mean, he was being an ass & I could tell she wanted to hide.

So, after a bit of runaround I did something stupid. I tried to be nice. I said, "Ok listen, these seats do not belong to you. They belong to other people. But if you agree to leave them when those people show up -- and I mean when I say jump you do -- then I'll let you sit in them for the moment. And if they don't show up I will let you stay there." He grunted & pushed past me which was when I KNEW I'd made a giant mistake.

Naturally, five minutes later I got a call on my headset saying there was a party of 5 coming down. I was like "Oh fuck." I walked over to Fogerty & told him I was really sorry but that the people were coming. He ignored me. I said we had a deal, and he said, "We're not moving." I tried again. Nothing. His companion stood up and he motioned for her to sit back down.

This is when he worked my last good nerve. All bets were off and I was angry. Soooo, even though I knew who he was, I did what I thought would get him to move. And I am not exagerrating.

I said, "I'm sorry Mr. Henley but you're going to have to move."

Sooo, crusty old be-fringed rock guy leapt to his feet & screamed "I am NOT DON HENLEYYYY!!!!" at me. Then he grabbed his woman by the hand and very literally dragged her all the way out of the back entrance of the club. I watched him the whole way. Then I radioed the restaurant to send the party of 5 down, happy that I'd resolved my self-created problem.

I went on vacation the next week. When I came back I wasn't on the schedule any more. I asked someone why. I was told, "Wow, you really made someone mad."

It was worth it.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:03 AM on April 6, 2007 [76 favorites has favorites]

Totally awesome!
posted by Burhanistan at 10:09 AM on April 6, 2007

Oh, and Dizzy? The "Robert" thing was because I had lost my nametag at the HOB so I just grabbed up a discarded one in the office that said "Bob." For about a year, I was known as Bob by the customers there... one time a regular saw me on the street & called out "Bob!" and I ACTUALLY TURNED AROUND. Anyhow, Milton Berle was there to see Steve Allen (yes, at the House of Blues. Don't ask me!) and he looked at my nametag up close and then looked at my face, put his hands in the air & exclaimed "ROBERT!" as though I was his long lost son. About ten minutes later he got lost on the way to the bathroom and I had to search the entire building for him.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:12 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I know ND¢. He is shorter in real life than he is on the internet.
posted by ND¢ at 10:14 AM on April 6, 2007

It is possible, given complex Southern genetics, that John Fogerty is a distant cousin of mine.

Jeff Beck told me I was pretty once at a bar in NYC and in another bar, my then boyfriend told Richard Butler (the Psychedelic Fur, not the UN Weapons Inspector, unless they're the same guy - wait. Are they the same guy?) that he could not count how many times we had had sex to the sound of his voice. Richard Butler looked embarrassed. Also, with that same boyfriend, we saw William Burroughs eating Fritos at LaGuardia airport. He didn't finish his Fritos and so we took them out of the trash after he left. I don't remember what happened to the Fritos after that although I do know that we discussed auctioning them, chip by chip, to serious Burroughs fanatics who might also love Fritos.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:22 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I wound up in a booth at the back of a West Village bar with Billy Crudup, Kristen Johnston, and Eric Bogosian after a benefit event we were all involved in. Ms. Johnston asked if I was a hanger-on, so I launched into a wild yarn about my involvement in a Cairo hash deal that took me through the Old City during a jubilee celebration for the Muhammed Ali Mosque, along twisted back alleys with butchered goats hanging in the awnings and up crooked stairs into a tiny dark apartment, where we sat in a curtained room while an old lady prepared coffee and sweets for us and giant bricks of plastic-wrapped hash were laid out for the Australian couriers while wide-eyed children peered around the draperies; I pulled out a deck of cards and showed the assembled Cairenes and Ozzies an impossible mind-reading card trick based entirely on luck-of-the-draw, which, for the first time in my life, worked, stunning the stoned dealers and sending the children into fits of giggling and gaping. Mr. Crudup said I was "the man," so I turned to Ms. Johnston and said, "There it is: I'm either the man, a hanger-on, or the entertainment here. What do you think?" and then ordered a round of drinks for the table.

I also once insulted Annie Lennox in an airport by shouting to her then-husband, Dave Stewart, who was carrying a guitar case and luggage while she strode ten feet in front, surrounded by a fawning entourage, "Mr. Stewart; I'm a really big fan!" Ms. Lennox whipped around and looked at me with true hate in her eyes.

When I was a kid, I met Eddie Murray and Al Bumbry at a photo-op event; my older brother had written a poem about Mr. Bumbry for a third-grade project, his poem was sent to the Orioles' front office, and we were invited to meet the O's. Sammy Stewart was there, and Rick Dempsey and Ken Singleton, I think, but my memory gets fuzzy when I think of those pennant years.

When I was in high school, I met Sugar Ray Leonard at a a party on Wes Unseld's lawn.
posted by breezeway at 10:58 AM on April 6, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

"Sonny was weak.
It was Juicyfruit.
He had such soft hands."

And a head to match.

Pity, that.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:19 AM on April 6, 2007

I had beers with Nic Cage one night, and met John Popper because his limo had broken down at a rest area in central Illinois. I was driving home from seeing my mom, who was dying.
posted by tr33hggr at 11:30 AM on April 6, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I like butter.

Shit, wrong thread!
posted by moss at 11:36 AM on April 6, 2007

My mother had dinner with Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize.

Let's see. Shopped at Tower Books with Harry Anderson (who is surprisingly tall). Shopped at Tower Records with whatever that Seattle Seahawk/bad movie star Brian Bosworth, who was surprisingly short, though as wide as he was tall.

My business partner checked into a hotel only to find he was standing next to Halle Berry, and says she's the only female celebrity he's seen who is as smoking hot in person as she is on the screen.
posted by maxwelton at 11:47 AM on April 6, 2007

One time, I got really high in Madeleine L'Engle's apartment. It was surreal; the woman owns a fucking floor on the Upper West Side.

My friend hotboxed Dan Aykroyd's personal elevator and broke it because there were too many people in there; he also hooked up with Guiliani's daughter.
posted by nasreddin at 12:11 PM on April 6, 2007

Ooooh! You just reminded me of another great one!!!! Geez, I never get to tell these!!! It doesn't even really matter if anyone scrolls this far down into the thread to read them... it's just kinda fun to flash back to my old life. Cuz I SWEAR I did not make this stuff up & even I find them hard to believe. It's just that LA is a freakshow sometimes... especially when I had my House of Blues job during its heyday. It was like the Studio 54 of the early 90s in LA.

Okay, so one of many uber-weird HOB nights... Roger Clinton was booked, I guess they thought people might come because he was the President's brother, but nobody could sell tickets so they were being given away on the street. The place was totally empty. So I'm standing at the restaurant host's stand chatting when suddenly Joey Buttafuouco comes in with his wife, like he owns the place. They eat at the bar and then she goes back to their hotel and he stays there, leaning against one wall and then another waiting for chicks to recognize him. Everyone pretended not to, but we were actually freaking out... seeing Joey Buttafuoco was far more surreal to us than seeing Sylvester Stallone or Prince. Same night, Kato Kaelin walks in too.

So I'm standing at the outside VIP entrance talking to a bouncer about this... saying "Jesus, it's as if it's famewhore night! I can't believe Joey Buttafuoco is here!" and I hear a voice say "Joey Buttafuoco is here?" I turn around and it's George Clooney. Circa 1995 or so he didn't have that Caesar haircut yet but he was already on ER and OH MY GOD the man was SOOOO my type then. I had crushed on him since Facts of freaking Life, people!

I tried to be really cool as I had a conversation with him about the craziness going on inside... but then I suddenly stopped myself and said, "Y'know? I really have to go inside and work now." because I realized that I was about to lose control and jump on him. And mauling strangers is honestly not my normal behavior so it kind of freaked me out that I was battling my inner slut this way.

Okay so flash forward a year & I'm at a Christmas party at a bar in Beverly Hills. I turn around and see Rosemary Clooney having dinner with her husband across the room. I had JUST watched Holiday Inn & I was SOOO excited that I charged drinks to her table even though I had about $40 in the bank. I ended up sitting with her and thought I'd be cool and bring up that I had met her nephew George. When I did, her head whipped around and she said, very sternly, "Don't you trust him...!!!"

On one hand I was taken aback, thinking "Jesus, what the Hell did he do that has his aunt so riled up!?" but on the other hand I was really excited that she would've thought I actually had a chance with George Clooney.

*****

Oh, and another time I was leaning against the host's stand and I felt something soft bump into my head. I turned around & it was Wilt Chamberlain's butt.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:20 PM on April 6, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

Upon rereading my last thread... actually, EVERY NIGHT was famewhore night, really.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:22 PM on April 6, 2007

thread = comment
posted by miss lynnster at 12:22 PM on April 6, 2007

thread = comment

Actually, the hot new term is "blog." Love the stories!
posted by languagehat at 12:31 PM on April 6, 2007

Yea breezeway and miss lynnster have some awesome stories indeed!

I once met Roslyn Yalow, which was amazing for a 10-year-old science geek kid, let me tell you. She is a lovely woman.
posted by Mister_A at 12:41 PM on April 6, 2007

"I felt something soft bump into my head. I turned around & it was Wilt Chamberlain's butt"

Yeah, you and 20,000 other women.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:07 PM on April 6, 2007

Actually it was 30,000 wasn't it? And I don't think it was the back of their heads & his butt that were bumping. Unless I've been doing things wrong all of these years...
posted by miss lynnster at 5:22 PM on April 6, 2007

Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 6:14 PM on April 6, 2007

Since you are generally covered in strained peas, I think you've probably got the details figured out just fine for yourself, Diz.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:22 PM on April 6, 2007

Sweet peas, Dizzy. Sweet peas are keys in to the pleasin'. Of course you knew that.
posted by cgc373 at 9:55 PM on April 6, 2007

Miss lynnster, you are my new tkchrist. Do you know karate, or any ninjas?
posted by vronsky at 6:50 AM on April 7, 2007

Peas before,
Percocet during,
Playtex gloves after.
Check!
posted by Dizzy at 6:58 AM on April 7, 2007

No. And no celebrities peed on me during the making of these stories.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:08 AM on April 7, 2007

quonsar writes "movies based on books suck in general. "

And if you need proof of that look no further than Starship Troops, the movie based on the illustration on the front of the book.

Back on topic I fixed Wilf Carter's refrigerator.
posted by Mitheral at 3:02 PM on April 11, 2007

Don't knock "Starship Troopers" out of hand. It's a deliberately bad movie poking fun at facism and going to war with faceless enemies.
posted by Burhanistan at 4:09 PM on April 11, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]