dating.metafilter.com June 1, 2007 3:43 PM   Subscribe

This thread seems to be crying out for dating.metafilter.com!
posted by hoverboards don't work on water to Feature Requests at 3:43 PM (136 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

I don't know whether the powers that be have any interest in replicating the entire infrastructure of Yet Another Dating Community Website, so my feature request is this: under Preferences, add another Optional Field named "Interested in meeting:". Make it another free-form nuts-going affair, with a suggestion to put something like "men" or "women". Then anyone who fills it out effectively marks themselves as being available in some sense. They can use the rest of their profile for all the usual crap people write about themselves on dating websites, and maybe more detail about who they want to meet.

For the final piece of the puzzle, the software could be made to highlight nearby members who have marked themselves so, but that's creeping towards requiring actual code, which I'm guessing makes it less and less likely to be implemented.

So: why not just put the "Interested...:" line in your existing free-form profile text? Well, for a start, there are already optional fields for gender, occupation, etc. that could just as easily go in the profile body. More importantly, I don't think many people are likely to let the world know their dating inclinations without being prompted to share. At least, I haven't seen it in a profile yet. Having a specific place to let the world know you're looking invokes a context that would otherwise appear out of place or creepy.

And finally, since your habit of posting bitter, snarky rants is available to any prospective match, it might encourage you to be nicer to others :)
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 3:43 PM on June 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


You mean this isn't a dating site? Opps. My apologies to the ladies that I hit on. You know who you are.




Call me anyhow.
posted by dios at 3:55 PM on June 1, 2007


I dunno. I'd be worried about us breeding.
posted by jonmc at 3:56 PM on June 1, 2007 [6 favorites]


I'm just worried about you breeding, jon. Well, you and Todd Lokken.
posted by Plutor at 3:57 PM on June 1, 2007


Not necessarily with each other.
Unless you're into that.

posted by Plutor at 3:58 PM on June 1, 2007


I'm just worried about you breeding, jon.

Me & pips would make beautiful babies. beatiful, talkative drunken babies.
posted by jonmc at 3:59 PM on June 1, 2007


I think it's a great idea. And one that I would definitely use.

Although I'm betting the Wife wouldn't let me.
posted by quin at 4:02 PM on June 1, 2007


quin, thus mathowie's incentive for implementing this could be the sudden influx of squeaky-clean new members with no previously declared significant others and suspiciously amiable posting histories :)
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 4:07 PM on June 1, 2007


It'd be cool if there was some simple small thing we could do, like maybe just a part of user profiles that lists relationship status or something, you know?

Instead of doing the full-blown dating site clone thing.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 4:11 PM on June 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


Speaking from personal experience, this will not end well.

But I'm willing to give it another shot. There has to be some nerdy girl out there who can put up with me.
posted by loquacious at 4:11 PM on June 1, 2007


I say the same thing to myself every day, loquacious. If you spot one, let me know.
posted by brundlefly at 4:17 PM on June 1, 2007


Call me anyhow.

Not on your life.

Seriously, "Interested in" with a character limit of 255 would be sweet.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:18 PM on June 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


Wait, this ISN'T a dating site???
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:18 PM on June 1, 2007 [2 favorites]


Having users explicitly declare that they want to meet people could get things moving better than simply listing their relationship status. If my profile said:

Status: Single

Then it's a little too passive to inspire others to action. Whereas:

Interested in meeting: men.

says "email me!"
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 4:19 PM on June 1, 2007


If anyone can come up with something simple and sweet (like say, in user profiles), I could implement it in a matter of minutes. Adding a new field or two is trivial.

So what would it be? relationship status line? Add a dropdown for "interested in friends/lovers/furries"?
posted by mathowie (staff) at 4:19 PM on June 1, 2007


like maybe just a part of user profiles that lists relationship status or something, you know?

Yeah, and then we could add lists of our favorite bands and our favorite movies and favorite tv shows, and maybe we could even have our favorite music.mefi tracks playing on our user profiles, and also maybe leave comments on each other's user profiles too! That would be...

Um. Never mind.
posted by dersins at 4:21 PM on June 1, 2007


Sorry, that was an unnecessarily sarcastic way of saying "Please don't turn this into a half-assed social networking site. I like it just fine as an eighth-assed social networking site."

Not that my opinion matters, but still. I'm just sayin'...

posted by dersins at 4:23 PM on June 1, 2007


So what would it be?

Drop-down menu:
I'd hit it
I'd not hit it
I'm already hitting it
I was hitting it but I'm not anymore
I'd hit its*

*For the poly folk!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:24 PM on June 1, 2007 [9 favorites]


Relationship status: [Taken; Available, Not looking; Available, Looking]

Interested in: [freeform]

Would be a start...
posted by vacapinta at 4:24 PM on June 1, 2007 [2 favorites]


I wouldn't be against something like that. But, it still doesn't mean there will be another MeFite in Billings, Montana.
posted by The Deej at 4:24 PM on June 1, 2007


It'd be cool if there was some simple small thing we could do, like maybe just a part of user profiles that lists relationship status or something, you know?

I'm picturing an Ajax drop down list...

Pick a reason to fuck:

double (penetration)
HTML/SWF/BDSM/display error
offensive content (please)
bring da noise
Demerol®
it puts the lotion on its skin
seeking other
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:29 PM on June 1, 2007 [2 favorites]


I'm totally into [freeform].
posted by brundlefly at 4:29 PM on June 1, 2007


Interested in: [freeform]

People to tell me I'm cool/brilliant/sexy?
other schmucks to get drunk with?
winning lottery numbers?
posted by jonmc at 4:31 PM on June 1, 2007


posted by mathowie So what would it be? relationship status line? Add a dropdown for "interested in friends/lovers/furries"?

Maybe just a line that says:

I am a: (drop-down menu)
Man/Woman/TG MTF/TG FTM/Decline To State

Who is: (drop-down menu)
Single/Married/In A Relationship

Interested in: (fill-it-in-yourself field)
Meeting Men/Meeting Women/Meeting Other Couples/Meeting Friends

For: (another fill-it-in-yourself field)
Dating/Polyamory/BSDM/Furrism
posted by fandango_matt at 4:31 PM on June 1, 2007


As something added to the 'distance to members nearby' area?
posted by acro at 4:46 PM on June 1, 2007


"this will not end well"

If there's a single phrase for any and all situations, that's got my vote. Hell, it's practically my motto.

Despite not living anywhere near any of the MeFi hotbeds, this has my vote.
posted by BigSky at 4:49 PM on June 1, 2007


Ooh, I like the "Interested in meeting:" idea. That has potential:

Interested in meeting: The guy who thought it would be a good idea to change the location of the horn in my car from the center of the steering-wheel to a little button near the edge. What the fuck is that? When I am angry and want to let someone know, I can't be hunting around for a button, I want to be able to slam my hand into the middle of the wheel and here a satisfying HONK! And don't get me started on the guy who moved the horn to the turn signal stem. He has a special place in hell waiting for him.
posted by quin at 4:50 PM on June 1, 2007 [7 favorites]


I've got a "I sit behind you in math class" sort of crush on a user who I keep running across online because she has accounts on four different websites I also use. But, I've never had a conversation with her and I am not the type to chat-up someone who probably doesn't even know I exist. (It doesn't help that my user name is different on 3/4 of those sites. I've always been shy and don't present a unified persona online like some people do.)

She's smart, beautiful, and a few years older than I am. She's also another Pacific Northwesterner, which is neat.

The maddening thing is that she lists herself as single on her flickr profile. I really don't know if she's looking or not. Gah!
posted by D.C. at 4:56 PM on June 1, 2007 [2 favorites]


the guy who moved the horn to the turn signal stem.

That's the turn signal "stalk," bitch. Don't go messing up my favorite auto-part name EVAR.

So, anybody Interested In: Guy who has a favorite auto-part name and gets all freaky on people who mess it up.

SORRY LADIES!!! TAKEN!!!!!
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 4:57 PM on June 1, 2007


If only there was some way to write totally freeform information into your profile!

Oh. Wait.
posted by Plutor at 4:58 PM on June 1, 2007


Huh.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:59 PM on June 1, 2007


Good grief, don't you think there's already too much drama for the rest of us to dodge and weave around here? With an official dating push, it's not difficult to foresee the massive increase in histronic MetaTalk and AskMe topics spawned by cooing lovebirds (bad enough) turned to mortal enemies firing sordid personal stories back and forth. Oh, and the cutesy couple/triplet/whatever in-jokes and winking every third post, please oh Powers, no.
posted by mdevore at 4:59 PM on June 1, 2007


Confidential to DC
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 5:00 PM on June 1, 2007


it's not difficult to foresee the massive increase in histronic MetaTalk and AskMe topics spawned by cooing lovebirds (bad enough) turned to mortal enemies firing sordid personal stories back and forth.

*blinks*

And that would be a bad thing? Think of the epic flameouts. It will be amazing. People will be airing each-others darkest secrets in an effort to destroy their former flame.

Magnificent.

That's the turn signal "stalk," bitch.

Bring me the still breathing body of the guy who added the horn to it, and I'll carve it in there so that I never forget the proper nomenclature again.

posted by quin at 5:12 PM on June 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


I don't come here for dating. And I don't read Ask for things like this, which are basically not interesting unless you are one of the parties involved. I read it for things like this, where science is used by the highly distributed hive mind to solve real world mysteries, fast.

I actually came here to post all that in it's own thread, but I'm leaving it here instead. I say, if you want a dating site, go to a dating site.
posted by Area Control at 5:13 PM on June 1, 2007


Oh, don't be such tools, this is exactly what the government wants us to do: we start a dating site, all hell breaks loose and little by little, we end up killing each other. They'll get rid of us, and best of all, we will have done all the dirty work for them. It's just their way of getting rid of the last bastion of free speech.


Sorry, it's been a week of listening to all sorts of conspiracy theories around here. It gets to you.
posted by micayetoca at 5:16 PM on June 1, 2007


Think of the epic flameouts. It will be amazing. People will be airing each-others darkest secrets in an effort to destroy their former flame.

I like epic flameouts too.

I honestly don't see any harm in a one or two line thing. That's not a full-blown social networking implementation, given that you could put down that you're looking and yet refuse to give out any way for members to contact you.
posted by Salmonberry at 5:20 PM on June 1, 2007


I think it's a grand idea, but I think there should be a little bit of searchability, no? A way to list everyone who's looking, essentially. I just wish there were more of me, or me-lings, malingering me-lings for the rest of you cockrockers.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:25 PM on June 1, 2007


I found it interesting that no one jumped on her for talking about specifically dating white guys when there was that whole "thing" with Meatbomb when he asked his question pertaining to a similar thing.

Maybe it was just the vibe.
posted by liquorice at 5:33 PM on June 1, 2007


Hell, even ratemyprofessor has a "hot" red pepper symbol next to the sexy teachers. We are lagging...
posted by RMD at 5:34 PM on June 1, 2007


If this gets me laid, I'm all for it.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 5:35 PM on June 1, 2007


I say, if you want a dating site, go to a dating site.

But the people here are way cooler/more interesting/whatever than people on dating sites! If it's just a line in the profile, only the people interested in participating can fill it in, and if the admins don't think it's a problem, what's the harm?
posted by leesh at 5:36 PM on June 1, 2007


I've had a secret crush on most of the people who posted in this thread. The dating feature would just make things too complicated for me.
posted by vronsky at 5:57 PM on June 1, 2007


What do you think of Facebook's system?

Status (check one): Single, In a Relationship, In an Open Relationship, Engaged, Married, It's Complicated.

Looking for (check all that apply): Friendship, Dating, A Relationship, Random Play, Whatever I can get.
posted by danb at 5:57 PM on June 1, 2007


I'm envisioning little symbols next to user names, similar to effigy2000's star. And a hot-or-not ranking system, also with a symbol. And maybe a Little Black Book, where other users can write "reviews," gossip, hearsay and outright slander.

-lekvar ♥♥♥♥♥⊕↑∴
posted by lekvar at 6:04 PM on June 1, 2007


I enjoy this idea, but I think some of my Ask MeFi questions would be a turn off to all the fine ladies of MeFi.

I mean, who likes a drunk who likes to fight and vomit a lot?
posted by Loto at 6:05 PM on June 1, 2007


At least we have the D♥teMe colour scheme all ready to go.
posted by hangashore at 6:08 PM on June 1, 2007


Oooo I know who D.C. likes.
posted by iconomy at 6:09 PM on June 1, 2007


I think you're onto something.

Take the Facebook drop-downs, and add a freeform "interested in" field. Make them visible only to members like email addresses are.
posted by blasdelf at 6:13 PM on June 1, 2007


A/S/L?
posted by qvantamon at 6:13 PM on June 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


Snark aside, I can't think of any real reasons not to have DateMe. We already have the user contacts, which, while not useful for finding true love, does reveal user's interpersonal relationships.
posted by lekvar at 6:16 PM on June 1, 2007


I've had a secret crush on most of the people who posted in this thread.

Dude, I'm married.
posted by jonmc at 6:17 PM on June 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


Hell, even ratemyprofessor has a "hot" red pepper symbol next to the sexy teachers. We are lagging...

Is that what that means? I thought it just meant that someone had an average that exceeded some threshold amount. So I... learned something.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:21 PM on June 1, 2007


Seconding what blasdelf said.
posted by puke & cry at 6:22 PM on June 1, 2007


I like to mentally add "hand, blow, " to jobs.metafilter.com and think of that as the dating site.

Didn't help in my career, though.

posted by qvantamon at 6:27 PM on June 1, 2007


I meant to say "hand, blow, [random body part]"
posted by qvantamon at 6:28 PM on June 1, 2007


"Dude, I'm married.:

So my fantasies of us playing air guitar to Mountain songs together are not to be? Damn... all the good ones are taken.
posted by vronsky at 6:42 PM on June 1, 2007


With an official dating push, it's not difficult to foresee the massive increase in histronic MetaTalk and AskMe topics spawned by cooing lovebirds (bad enough) turned to mortal enemies firing sordid personal stories back and forth. Oh, and the cutesy couple/triplet/whatever in-jokes and winking every third post, please oh Powers, no.

Yeah, something horrible like this might happen (for the tenth or eleventh time).

It's just a couple OPTIONAL! fields in your profile, which people can use or ignore in the future. It's not like we're all rats in a box being force to copulate (that'd be version 2).
posted by mathowie (staff) at 6:51 PM on June 1, 2007 [9 favorites]


What's wrong with trying to meet people in person through meetups if you wanna date a mefite so bad? Get out there, people! Apparently I'm in the minority on this though, so whatevs.
posted by piratebowling at 6:52 PM on June 1, 2007


Why shouldn't we try it for a few months? Make it opt in and if it's causing too many problems kill it. What's the worst that could happen, really?

And D.C., in the same vein, man up and approach this woman. Life's too short to spend hanging back and thinking about the could be's.
posted by orange swan at 6:54 PM on June 1, 2007


Relationship status: None Of Your Fucking Business
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:55 PM on June 1, 2007


Hah, mathowie seems to feel the same way as I do.

I am afraid but ready. And lonely. Oh so lonely.
posted by orange swan at 6:56 PM on June 1, 2007 [1 favorite]


And don't get me started on the guy who moved the horn to the turn signal stem. He has a special place in hell waiting for him.

80's Ford Mustang, I presume?
posted by davejay at 6:57 PM on June 1, 2007


I think it's a little bit weird, but I'm married so what do I care?

And I think it could lead, in the worst case, to some hysterics (and some aaaaawkward askme shenanigans), but it's not like we don't end up with hysterics and awkwardness now and then anyway, and it'd probably be a pretty similar self-selecting group, so I can't really muster a lot of objections.

Plus, if things go badly, I'll probably get to ban a few people.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:03 PM on June 1, 2007 [5 favorites]


liquorice,

In that 'thing' with Meatbomb, he was calling out a poster's blatant attempt to use the powers of this site in a way that was prejudicial to the business interests of (probable white) heterosexuals.

Here, we're getting together and trying to find a way to best use the site so we can help a young black lady who happens to be interested in white guys.

See the difference?

Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Nice pics!!!

A/S/L?
posted by BigSky at 7:10 PM on June 1, 2007


Yeah, something horrible like this might happen (for the tenth or eleventh time).

Those curtains actually are sort of horrible. Stuff like that really shouldn't be encoura-

Oh. You mean the lovey marriage thing. Awww.
posted by CKmtl at 7:14 PM on June 1, 2007


Are we talking about the same thing?

I think it'd be a nice feature, by the way. I'd love to meet some interesting people on here. even though i've been rebuffed over and over again
posted by liquorice at 7:21 PM on June 1, 2007


Not to intentionally delay the Jabber server rollout, here's a reference to a 'JEP' ~like a 'LDAP profile'..? link
posted by acro at 7:24 PM on June 1, 2007


They moved the horn because they put an airbag in the middle.
posted by aubilenon at 7:31 PM on June 1, 2007


As goes Ampersand, so goes the filter.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:32 PM on June 1, 2007


This document specifies how to represent and manage profile data about IM users and other XMPP entities using the XMPP Data Forms extension.

(XEPs, previously known as Jabber Enhancement Proposals - JEPs)
posted by acro at 7:43 PM on June 1, 2007


If you do add something make it freeform. Being forced to tick boxes and classify ourselves sucks I reckon. My relationship doesn't fit conventional boxes and I'm happy with that. And make it so that if it's not filled in it just doesn't show on the profile (I think some things are like this already?) so it doesn't look awkward if a user doesn't fill it in. Which I wouldn't because my posting history makes my happy relationshipness pretty obvious.

Something as simple as 'Relationship Status: (free form, go nuts)' to match the gender box would be fine. Extra info can go into the 'tell us about your username' bit that's already there. The instructions could be broadened a little to encourage people to be more freeform, not just limited to their username story.

Ambrosia Voyeur's idea of searchability would take it to the next level. This would allow members to actively search for a date rather than randomly trawl profile pages in the hopes of finding something. All it needs is a page listing all members actively looking, with profile links, relationship statuses and maybe email addresses for each person. Individual users could choose to be listed on this page by ticking a check box in the profile edit page. If the listings could be limited by location or other variables than that would be cool too, but possibly not mandatory in case someone is looking for cybersex or traveling or, I don't know, whatever it is you crazy kids do on the internets these days.

I totally wouldn't use this. But it would be easy enough to add a small layer of usability to the site without breaking the other functions or bothering those of us who aren't interested.
posted by shelleycat at 7:48 PM on June 1, 2007


I am afraid but ready. And lonely. Oh so lonely.

I've met orange swan and she's gorgeous. In fact, I developed a bit of a crush on her on the spot. But then I'm like twice her age or something. Anyway, it's a travesty—a travesty, I say—if she's actually lonely and not merely being ironic. Although many of we mefites are lonely and ironic, which is probably a revolting combination to everyone else.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:50 PM on June 1, 2007


No, we're not. My mistake. I thought you were referencing this.

But that's a bit of a stretch.

Carry on.
posted by BigSky at 7:50 PM on June 1, 2007


Don't you pretty much have to have some kind of picture upload feature associated with any kind of dating site? (Not to be shallow or anything...)

Anyway, I think you're right -- with a couple of extra db fields and a little slicing and dicing in terms of how you do searches, and you're pretty much there.

OkCupid breaks it down like this:

Relationship Status: (Dropdown)
Single
Seeing Someone
Married

Looking For: (Check Boxes)
New friends
Long-term dating
Short-term dating
Activity partners
Long-distance penpals
Casual encounters (sex partners)
posted by ph00dz at 7:55 PM on June 1, 2007


Seconding what shelleycat said. At minimum, a simple checkbox to opt in to a list page and then free-form after that. Anything else is a bonus.
posted by vacapinta at 7:56 PM on June 1, 2007


it's the simmering sexual tension that makes mefi what it is, if we were all going to be overt about it, then i predict the mefi dark age will soon be upon us.
posted by sgt.serenity at 7:57 PM on June 1, 2007


I was going to say nearly everything as shellycat, but probably not as well. Except for the part about not using it.

The picture-less thing is a good point. The easiest workaround is probably a flicker account.
posted by philomathoholic at 8:08 PM on June 1, 2007


Didn't Matt mention a while ago he's looking at adding a profile picture? It would be the obvious addition.
posted by shelleycat at 8:12 PM on June 1, 2007


Yeah, something horrible like this might happen (for the tenth or eleventh time).
It's just a couple OPTIONAL! fields in your profile


Welp, snark gives implicit permission to respond in kind. Not always taken, and usually shouldn't be, but what the hell...

Big whoop-dee-doo. If you owned a singles bar that had 50K people coming through it (likely >200K given the unregistered lurkers and flybys, but anyway), you would have a thousand marriages between visitors by now. No extra credit for a dozen marriages given the number of people who congregate at the site. That is, no credit unless you actively tried to fix them up.

In fact, given the MetaFilter demographic, I would expect the marriage count here to be higher than ten or eleven; maybe all the drama and BadRelationshipFilter is an inhibiting factor to romance? Perhaps society is being served in ways here I hadn't thought about? Now that, I would congratulate you on.

OK, that was crabbier than usual. I knew I shouldn't have missed that last nap. Here, I'll make it up to you. Next ten single people looking for love, I'll sponsor in their MetaFilter registration fees. Work for you?
posted by mdevore at 8:16 PM on June 1, 2007


where all the white wimmin at?
posted by Stynxno at 8:19 PM on June 1, 2007


Hows about a profile option that says "Display DateMe info? Y/N" If Y, then the following two freeform fields are added: "A little bit about me:" and "Who (or what) I am looking for:"
posted by Rock Steady at 8:26 PM on June 1, 2007


where all the white wimmin at?

Man, you've been biting your tongue on that so long. I'm proud of you, stinky.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:36 PM on June 1, 2007


It's OPTIONAL people!

I say it should be fill in the blank - like the other fields we have now for gender, job etc.

Looking for: [openended]

could also be used for anything, like "i'm looking for original vinyl Motown" or "I'm looking for checkers partners" or whatever so the anti-dating people wouldn't feel left out.
posted by serazin at 8:41 PM on June 1, 2007


Man, you've been biting your tongue on that so long. I'm proud of you, stinky.

i'm just happy someone is paying attention to me.
posted by Stynxno at 8:50 PM on June 1, 2007


Get out there, people!

Ahahahahahaha!

Oh, you're serious?
posted by blm at 8:51 PM on June 1, 2007


. . . And D.C., in the same vein, man up and approach this woman.

Yeah, but I've seen female friends deal with unsolicited attention from random guys on the net. I don't want to be one of those guys.

On the other hand:
The sea is warship grey
It whispers "Fool!" then slides away
Black coastline slumbers on
Seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her


And, despite my little outburst here, I'm against making MetaFilter too social networky. "Best of the web" and "It's all about the links," right?

Iconomy: Gold star for you.
posted by D.C. at 9:06 PM on June 1, 2007


Seconding what shelleycat said. At minimum, a simple checkbox to opt in to a list page and then free-form after that. Anything else is a bonus.

I disagree with shellycat's freeform-only approach. If you want search ability, it helps if there are only 5-10 answers for a couple things, then it could be a simple hyperlink to open a page of the last 50 people that also have that setting.

If you want free form fields, there won't be too many collisions when searching for full random phrases.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 9:06 PM on June 1, 2007


From Jabber's *unofficial* user profile extension
6.8.1. Birth Day-of-Month
6.8.2. Birth Month
6.8.3. Birth Year
6.8.4. Description
6.8.5. Eye Color
6.8.6. Gender
6.8.7. Hair Color
6.8.8. Height
6.8.9. Weight
6.9. Extended Personal Data Aspects
6.9.1. Areas of Expertise
6.9.2. Avatar Data
6.9.3. Clubs
6.9.4. Dietary Preferences
6.9.5. Hobbies
6.9.6. Interests
6.9.7. Languages Known Less Well
6.9.8. Languages Known Well
6.9.9. License Plate Number
6.9.10. Marital Status
6.9.11. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
6.9.12. Photo Data
6.9.13. Profession
6.9.14. Religious Affiliation
6.9.15. Sexual Orientation
6.9.16. Smoker
6.9.17. Wishlist
6.9.18. Zodiac Sign (Chinese)
6.9.19. Zodiac Sign (Western)

posted by acro at 9:13 PM on June 1, 2007


Might have to do something about the $5 barrier.
posted by acro at 9:14 PM on June 1, 2007


I think Rock Steady has it, as far as what prompt would get good responses for the profile page. On top of that, you could have drop-down menus with only very simple choices, for searchability. Anything "other" could be explained in the longer responses on the profile page.

I am a: M... W... Other/Won't say

Looking for: M... W... Either... Other

For: Sex only... Casual dating... Something longterm... Other
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:32 PM on June 1, 2007


Might also include age in the searchable fields.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:33 PM on June 1, 2007


If you want search ability, it helps if there are only 5-10 answers for a couple things, then it could be a simple hyperlink to open a page of the last 50 people that also have that setting.

That does make sense. I guess I'm mainly against expecting some kind of drop down to quantify what you already are (i.e. in a relationship or not and what kind). But you can get around that by ignoring it altogether, just have a check box for 'interested in dating' (which would put you on the list) then some generic choices about what kind of date you want and what kind of date might want you. Then someone can filter down to people who might match then go look at the profile page for more info. Encouragement to write more in the space we already have would facilitate further connections, but I guess it's that initial search and filter that's important.

It would be cool if it was all ajaxy so that clicking on the 'looking for love' box shows all the further drop downs, but they're hidden as a default.
posted by shelleycat at 10:08 PM on June 1, 2007


but I guess it's that initial search and filter that's important.

Oh, and more importantly it's the search and filter that's currently missing. Because there's nothing stopping someone writing in their profile now 'please email for dates' or whatever.
posted by shelleycat at 10:10 PM on June 1, 2007


Not only is mathowie right that "relationship status" and "looking for" couldn't be open-ended if this is going to actually be useful, but wouldn't "gender" need to stop being open-ended? After all, most people aren't bisexual.
posted by jejune at 5:03 AM on June 2, 2007


Presumably people interested in dating could figure out for themselves that properly specifying their gender was necessary (or, for the truly slow, a hint could be added - when you select 'show DateMe info', the new fields would come up, and so would a reminder to properly set your gender).
posted by jacalata at 5:18 AM on June 2, 2007


Presumably people interested in dating could figure out for themselves that properly specifying their gender was necessary

The point is that gender would need to be searchable, which it's currently not. It's not good enough to say that people would "properly specify" it if that just means they would write "male" or "female."
posted by jejune at 5:25 AM on June 2, 2007


You mean people won't be able to find me for sexing if I specify “Yes, please.”?
posted by blasdelf at 5:48 AM on June 2, 2007


I like the idea of freeform fields with an opt-in checkbox, but I also understand that's about the least useful arrangement. I think it could work with a "Show nearby DateMe profiles" or "show profiles near " and then manually searching what comes up, but that doesn't satisfy all you crazy kids with your cyberomance.

I suppose ultimately what I would like most is something different from the standard dating profile options. So many in this thread have already expressed their dislike for being so quantified, what we need is something unique as the MeFites that use it.

posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:00 AM on June 2, 2007


I like leaving it freeform, for all the reasons stated above, but perhaps the hint could say that for people to find you in a gender based search, your gender description must include either 'male' or 'female', and the search can get those two words by regex or something. Anyone who mucks around with that, say by including both, will have to get manually filtered by the searcher, but it should work to say 'male but still considering' or 'female cross dresser'. And people who don't care can search without specifying gender, casting their net wide enough to catch the member who is 'mostly about the fishes'.
posted by jacalata at 6:09 AM on June 2, 2007


How about sliders? I'm envisioning something like:

I identify as: Male |------------------------------------| Female
I'm attracted to: Men |------------------------------------| Women
Who identify as: Male |------------------------------------| Female
For: Casual Sex |------------------------------------| Long-term Relationship

And then you can set numerical (more than X, but less than Y) parameters on your search. There should also be some sort of "Other Info" freeform field to let people know your specific kinks/quirks.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:34 AM on June 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


I like that, but would it be possible to adjust it so that you can select a range of values? I identify as (whole female half of spectrum) or I'm looking for (anything less than halfway to a longterm relationship and slightly past casual sex).
posted by jacalata at 6:57 AM on June 2, 2007


Plate of Bean Dating; I love it!

I am an ad hominem seeking a strawman for plo chops and casual trolling. Turn-ons include pancakes, mushrooms, ponies, vibration, cameras, nice things, and Miguel Cardoso. Turn-offs include Pepsi Blue, newsfilter, the period, and of course, there's [more inside].
posted by taz at 7:19 AM on June 2, 2007 [4 favorites]


like we're all rats in a box being force to copulate

Yeah, that's what I want. Let's do that.
posted by evilcolonel at 7:35 AM on June 2, 2007


This is an excellent proposal.

Interested in: sharing my drugs with hawt chicks
posted by Meatbomb at 7:46 AM on June 2, 2007


I'm married, so I have no personal stake in this, but anything that makes flameouts more likely and encourages cortex to ban people is OK with me. Full speed ahead, and damn the torpedoes!
posted by languagehat at 7:46 AM on June 2, 2007


Rock Steady - that is perhaps one of the best ways I've ever seen to deal with the graphical representation around the fluidity of gender and sexuality. Bravo.
posted by FlamingBore at 7:46 AM on June 2, 2007


[farnsworth] I'm beginning to think there will be no forced mating at all.... [/farnsworth]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:38 AM on June 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


One word for those who think that open-ended boxes will be useless: tags.
posted by philomathoholic at 10:09 AM on June 2, 2007


I added tags not too long ago to The Impersonals. A few people have already added a Metafilter tag to their profiles.
posted by the jam at 11:24 AM on June 2, 2007


One word for those who think that open-ended boxes will be useful: pork-felching.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:28 AM on June 2, 2007


Just think about how many more long-distance relationship AskMes we're going to see.
posted by baphomet at 1:22 PM on June 2, 2007


Thanks FlamingBore. Now that I think about it, you'd probably also want check boxes or a pull down for I am biologically: with Male, Female and Neither/Other/It's Complicated as options. Most people will want to know what kind of equipment they are going to find.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:06 PM on June 2, 2007


Most people will want to know what kind of equipment they are going to find.

MOST people, I think, would assume that whatever is in the sex/gender box is what they're going to find in the package.

yrs,

I am biologically with it's complicated
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:34 PM on June 2, 2007


Right, that's why I didn't put it in the first time.
posted by Rock Steady at 2:44 PM on June 2, 2007


You mean, I (and countless others) who have a virtual crush on miss lynnster could upgrade to having an actual crush on miss lynnster? Count me in!

Seriously, I think it's good idea.
posted by StrikeTheViol at 8:03 PM on June 2, 2007


You mean, I (and countless others) who have a virtual crush on miss lynnster could upgrade to having an actual crush on miss lynnster? Count me in!

Seriously, I think it's good idea.


No no no no no no GOOD GOD NO.
posted by Stynxno at 8:38 PM on June 2, 2007


Sort of newly single.
posted by hermitosis at 8:57 PM on June 2, 2007


Here's an idea. Tags. You put tags on your profile, and you can see who matches your tags. People interested in dating could add that tag.
posted by delmoi at 10:19 PM on June 2, 2007


rimjobs.metafilter.com

What.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:04 AM on June 3, 2007


This might encourage GLBT/singles oriented meetups, which could be good.
On the other hand it might also cause orgy meetups.
posted by Demogorgon at 8:37 AM on June 3, 2007


You mean, I (and countless others) who have a virtual crush on miss lynnster could upgrade to having an actual crush on miss lynnster? Count me in!

Seriously, I think it's good idea.
posted by StrikeTheViol


You keep away from her, accursed mountebank!
posted by The Deej at 8:42 AM on June 3, 2007


Who are you, sir, to...oh, I see...but wait, the link is not returned! I may indeed a callow lurker be, but I have as much right to stand for miss lynnster's affection as any Mefite! "Accursed mountebank"? A slander! No dhoyt am I, nor no matthewchen! Should not the fair miss lynnster decide?
posted by StrikeTheViol at 7:56 PM on June 3, 2007


STV:
No, perhaps the link has not been returned! But that means nothing! I am confident that the only thing standing in the way of the fair miss lynnster's affection is that I am old, fat, bald, repugnant, talentless, charmless, illiterate, inconsiderate, homely, and quite dumb. That is but a small obstacle.

So.

Pistols at dawn. If I am not there, start without me.
posted by The Deej at 11:04 PM on June 3, 2007 [1 favorite]


I added tags not too long ago to The Impersonals. A few people have already added a Metafilter tag to their profiles.

It does seem that metafilter is expanding into an already occupied space. Maybe just a link to a The Impersonals profile would suffice, or maybe something more like the Flikr connection. That way, we can take advantage of a solved problem, by utilizing someone else's efforts.

That said, there would have to be a little more than just a link to an off-site profile. Like the "I'm date-able" checkbox, to allow for searching. Do we currently have any method of searching user profiles?
posted by philomathoholic at 12:08 AM on June 4, 2007


Wait, I thought that one meant you wanted to crush the contact. Like, between your raging fists.

I have to go modify some contacts now.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:51 AM on June 4, 2007 [1 favorite]


I identify as: Male |------------------------------------| Female
I'm attracted to: Men |------------------------------------| Women
Who identify as: Male |------------------------------------| Female
For: Casual Sex |------------------------------------| Long-term Relationship


That's very good. An XYZ axis would be even better.
posted by octobersurprise at 7:04 AM on June 4, 2007


HIGH-NUMBER LURKER seeks anonymous asker for mutual callouts, sock puppetry, and late-night banhammering. Let's break all the guidelines together. Box 40021.
posted by sonofslim at 2:36 PM on June 4, 2007 [2 favorites]


That's very good. An XYZ axis would be even better.

You're missing a dimension. Might I suggest color-coding.
posted by LordSludge at 7:13 PM on June 4, 2007


Isn't there a way to make a drop down box optional? for instance there could be a box for gender that allows you to type anything you want in it, but it would have a pull down that has some predefined standards. e.g. male, female, robot. This would allow the people that want to date pick the correct searchable tag and let everyone else type anything they want.
posted by magikker at 5:41 PM on June 5, 2007


This is easy. Like so:

WOULD YOU DATE ME?
(tick box)

Yes

No

Maybe

Ew, you have stinky feet

[check any that apply]
posted by liquorice at 5:53 PM on June 5, 2007


WOULD YOU DATE ME? (tick box)

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] I would but my wife might not like that

[ ] Not after how you answered that relationshipfilter question about the guy that drank too much.

[ ] Only based on the Flickr picture you have, dated 2005.

[ ] If you can get over your cat allergy.

[ ] If I can get over my cootie allergy.

[ ] If you promise never to mention me on MetaFilter ever.

[ ] If you promise not to mention your own sex life on MetaFilter ever.

[ ] Vi or emacs?

[ ] Promise to never ban me and I will always be true.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:34 PM on June 5, 2007 [1 favorite]


[X] I would but my wife might not like that I think you are a bit too cool for me.

[ ] Vi or emacs?

So if I check this box, which is it?

And my wife wouldn't like it.
posted by quin at 8:06 PM on June 5, 2007


I only date September gurls. Advise?
posted by vronsky at 11:04 PM on June 5, 2007


A September gurl or a gangsta bitch.
posted by vronsky at 11:57 PM on June 5, 2007


I can overthink:
A Plate of Beans [ . . \ . . . . ] Metafilter
posted by aubilenon at 3:40 PM on June 6, 2007


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