MeFi Personals September 29, 2008 2:30 AM   Subscribe

This is the second time I've seen someone propose a MeFi personals section and I'd like to second the motion.

I'd guess that the community is big enough to warrant it now, plus it would strike me as a very viable money-generator.
posted by skylar to Feature Requests at 2:30 AM (138 comments total)

A good start might be filling out some more detailed information in your profile. Step 2: meetup!
posted by carsonb at 2:35 AM on September 29, 2008


Meetups make sense.

But it may be that I don't want to connect my personal opinions throughout the site over many years of use to a dating profile. Some users will be happy to have every detail of their online life connected to dating, others won't.

Also I don't feel the current profile feature is really designed for or suited to the dating experience. Plus I have never received a single piece of MeFi Mail despite being a regular user, so it's not as if many people are checking out my profile regularly anyway.
posted by skylar at 3:08 AM on September 29, 2008


TrainwreckFilter.
posted by Optamystic at 3:14 AM on September 29, 2008 [4 favorites]


It doesn't seem reasonable on the one hand for people to engage in (and presumably approve of) real-life MeFi meetups, yet to say that online tools to encourage friendships and dating from within the same community would pose a greater problem. That argument seems to carry with it a lot of old-fashioned prejudice about the internet versus "real life".
posted by skylar at 3:32 AM on September 29, 2008


I'm not following the Personals need, since it's easy to contact any Mefite that wants to be contacted and strike up a conversation that way.

But it may be that I don't want to connect my personal opinions throughout the site over many years of use to a dating profile.

See, to me that's the perfect way, while avoiding the scummy, meatmarket fee, of dating sites. You can really get a feel for a person's personality on Mefi.

Plus I have never received a single piece of MeFi Mail despite being a regular user,

You don't even mention whether you're male or female in your profile! Why flirt with someone if you don't know what they are? That just screams "leave me alone!"


Also I don't feel the current profile feature is really designed for or suited to the dating experience.

You can mention your age, sex, location and availability, link to pictures and music, and then add in whatever you feel is missing.

yet to say that online tools to encourage friendships and dating from within the same community would pose a greater problem.

The only "online tool" you need is an interest in someone and the ability to flirt. You have to take it from there.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:44 AM on September 29, 2008


Step 1: Get Facebook Account
Step 2: Link to Facebook account from your profile.
Step 3: Get your swerve on
posted by Optamystic at 3:48 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think there's a happy middle-ground here. Add a handful of personal info fields to the profiles: relationship status, interests, strange body piercings, etc. Make them searchable.

Also, for the record, I've always loved that use of the word "swerve".
posted by Plutor at 3:51 AM on September 29, 2008


Here's other angles (just playing devil's advocate... ):

- All kinds of trucks for all kinds of jobs.
- Those who own and/or run this site may not be interested in owning/running an online dating service. I don't know one way or another, and don't pretend to speak for them. It does seem like it might foster a lot of rail-jumping.
- That the community is large enough, and that it's handled other types of online communities well, and that it may be an additional revenue stream...these don't add up to 'we need personals!'.

I don't want to connect my personal opinions throughout the site over many years of use to a dating profile.
Also I don't feel the current profile feature is really designed for or suited to the dating experience.


So, let's use MeFi for dating, but oh no! not the MeFi I've helped create so far?
Profiles feature areas for relationship status (Single, Taken, Open), gender (which is free-form, go nuts!), XFN contacts, and a nice, fat 'tell us about yourself' area with unlimited space for you to wax romantic at length. I think that would work just fine. Anyway, if you're gonna insist on new profile formats that more closely match standards set at dating sites, why not just use dating sites with profiles that are already set up like you like?

Don't get me wrong. I need dates like a fat kid needs chocolate. The people of MeFi (yall are actually people, right?) are the sexiest people on the internet, and super smart to boot. I just think we already have all we need to get personal with each other.
posted by carsonb at 3:54 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Wait, MetaFilter isn't already a personals site?

Worked that way for me once! Surely someone else has been romanced because of a post they made to the blue…
posted by blasdelf at 4:04 AM on September 29, 2008


Brandon Blatcher "The only "online tool" you need is an interest in someone and the ability to flirt."

True, but i could never really love anyone who didn't have Firebug installed.
posted by Jofus at 4:09 AM on September 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


It doesn't seem reasonable on the one hand for people to engage in (and presumably approve of) real-life MeFi meetups, yet to say that online tools to encourage friendships and dating from within the same community would pose a greater problem.

That'd be true, if romance didn't cause the crazy to come out of even the most sane people.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 4:51 AM on September 29, 2008


Metafilter. Now it's personal.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:09 AM on September 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


We're all already sleeping with eachother. We thought you knew.
posted by jonmc at 5:21 AM on September 29, 2008 [3 favorites]


My flirt objects know whomsoevahthey are already.
posted by Wolof at 5:28 AM on September 29, 2008


Inbreeding should be discouraged.
posted by Sailormom at 5:35 AM on September 29, 2008


MeFlirt
posted by DU at 5:40 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oooo, turning MeFi into a dating site? You think MeTa callouts are fun now, just you wait!

jonmc: We're all already sleeping with eachother. We thought you knew.

?!??!! This is news to me. Jessamyn, we have to talk!!
/me makes the "memail me!" sign
posted by not_on_display at 5:43 AM on September 29, 2008


Dear God,

No.

Yr obdt srvt,

dnab
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:47 AM on September 29, 2008


You know, plenty of us internet denizens have managed to meet the people we date (or even marry!) on the internet, without the use of a formal dating site. Would you like to know the secret? You go and talk to people. You send them a quick email, you IM them, you comment on their output. You get to know them. You find out how you click mentally, and take it from there. It has a higher success rate in my social circle than meeting people randomly in a bar, or through match.com or whatever. I recommend it.

"Plus I have never received a single piece of MeFi Mail despite being a regular user,"

Well have you sent any?
posted by saturnine at 6:02 AM on September 29, 2008


There are sites outside of MetaFilter, you know. You should probably just join one of them.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:21 AM on September 29, 2008


(Don't get your peanut butter in my chocolate; I'm allergic.)
posted by Sys Rq at 6:22 AM on September 29, 2008


I like girls!
posted by orthogonality at 6:29 AM on September 29, 2008


Go nuts!
posted by not_on_display at 6:34 AM on September 29, 2008


I met my wife on the internet.

I was like"LOL, WUT?!" and she was all like "DTMFA"
posted by Jofus at 6:40 AM on September 29, 2008 [3 favorites]


I'd like to third or fourth this motion, or whatever.

I'm having a vision.

Mefis meet, date, break up, and then trash talk each other's askme posts. They post articles to the blue about each other's mental deficiencies. Factions develop. Dating begins across factions, resulting in more hilarity. Innocent "name my pet" threads become a battleground of the broken hearted. "What can I do in Chicago" threads become wastelands of painful memories... "you could go to that pizzeria on Street X, they have a canadian bacon and pineapple that compromised my judgment". People seeking advice on relationships find themselves surrounded by the bitterly single in a seething, writhing mass, and the whole human relationships tag is taken down by the moderators.



Oh. This could be beautiful.
posted by ewkpates at 6:45 AM on September 29, 2008 [8 favorites]


What's the deal with your nickname? How did you get it? ASL? If your nickname is self-explanatory, then tell everyone when you first started using the internet, and what was the first thing that made you say "wow, this isn't just a place for freaks after all?" Are you looking for contacts, or "contact"? Do you like leather? Was it a website? What are you wearing? Was it an email from a long-lost friend? Will you still respect me in the morning? Go on, spill it.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:02 AM on September 29, 2008 [5 favorites]


I can't wait to see the new kinds of relationshipfilter questions that pop up after dating.metafilter.com goes live.
posted by lilac girl at 7:04 AM on September 29, 2008


I like girls!

Is the feeling mutual?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:05 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Alvy, what's American Sign Language got to do with anything?
posted by Mister_A at 7:25 AM on September 29, 2008


This is more than the second (third?) time someone has requested dating.metafilter.com. I'm curious to see if the answer will change this time around.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:27 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


American Sign Language got to do with anything?

Limber fingers are nimble fingers.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:28 AM on September 29, 2008


I'm curious to see if the answer will change this time around.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero


Pinky, me and you are both taken, so it'd be kind of pointless for everyone else.
posted by jonmc at 7:39 AM on September 29, 2008


Kid, I don't believe I fought in Korea so you could muddy innocent websites with your romantic tailings. There were diverse objectives military and political, but I'll be damned if Meatfilter was one of them.

Hang your head.
posted by Your Disapproving Father at 7:40 AM on September 29, 2008 [5 favorites]


Happy medium: Add OKCupid and other dating sites to the list of Social Apps. Seriously, opening the door to unwanted flirting has too much potential to turn into harrassment and will go nowhere fast. If you intentionally link to a dating site, then you are specifically saying, "Hai! I can has dating?" (Single status does not imply that someone wants to be bludgeoned with dating requests).

Actually, screw the pony, this is a horse that I want (adding dating sites to the social apps).
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:42 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


So, Skylar who's the hotty that inspired this post? If you're too shy to MeMail him or her I can try to put a good word in for you. I can be your MetaWingman!!
posted by sambosambo at 7:46 AM on September 29, 2008


?!??!! This is news to me. Jessamyn, we have to talk!!

/me makes "shut up plz I'm at work" face

Ahem.

I sort of feel that the site has a lot of tools in place to facilitate meeting people which is really all a personals site is most of the time. However making it officially a personals site in some fashion would involve a lot more oversight, attention and rejiggering of something that has a lot of mechanisms for that sort of thing in place already. So to restate sort of what carsonb said

How to Make MeFi Into a Personals Site

1. add a pic to your profile
2. add your relationship status to your profile
3. add other social sites you're on to your profile
4. go to meetups or propose a meetup in your area
5. add contacts when you see people contributing in ways you think are appealing
6. be charming and interesting and open on the site generally, and at meetups

In short, the profiles work for what they're supposed to do and they also work okay to help people meet each other. So, while I can see maybe having a few more fields to facilitate more dating-specific profile stuff, a lot of that stuff is in place already if people just use it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:49 AM on September 29, 2008 [5 favorites]


be charming and interesting
It was looking quite promising up until this. What about shagsfortroglodytes.metafilter.com?
posted by Abiezer at 7:53 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


You know, I've rooted for DateMe in the past, but now I think I'm against it. We have user functionality to find and get to know single people in our locales if we want to. Taking MeFi any further in that direction wouldn't do much good. I don't like the idea of us being able to say, send smiles or winks out in large numbers. Unlike on Lavalife or even Facebook, we're going to go on interacting with each other after any failed courtship mechanizations. Let's not muddy the waters by giving people the tools to approach people in large numbers in some artificial way.

But then maybe I say this just because I've given up hope myself.
posted by orange swan at 7:57 AM on September 29, 2008


shagsfortroglodytes

I understand Bertha Butt is still available...
posted by jonmc at 7:58 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]



Doesn't the frequency of "Can I eat this?" AskMe posts count?
posted by lothar at 7:58 AM on September 29, 2008


Jessamyn while obviously you command the awesome respect of us MeFi mortals, the same argument you make could be applied to any of the sections on the site - why not have a section on the profile for people seeking or offering work, or wanting to boast about their latest project, or whatever? I don't think the profile section is really the hub of the interactivity on this site - it's the subsections, mostly AskMeFi and MeFI of course - that really power the interactions.
posted by skylar at 8:08 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


DateMeta, MeatFilter or MetaStalker ? That is the question.
posted by y2karl at 8:13 AM on September 29, 2008


/me makes the "memail me!" sign

Dude's flashing some kind of gang sign! Get 'em!
posted by quin at 8:15 AM on September 29, 2008


*Cough*DoMe*Cough*

I've made that joke, like, seven times already when this issue's come up. At the risk of sounding out of touch with the sexual mores and social habits of today's young people, why don't you guys try leaving the house once in a while?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:17 AM on September 29, 2008


*pokes* skylar.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:17 AM on September 29, 2008


...and on subject: are the profiles searchable? Specifically, could I go and see how many single people are within 100 miles of me? It seems like this might be a fairly simple addition that would allow people to use the site for dating purposes without adding an entire section.
posted by quin at 8:21 AM on September 29, 2008


Drop it quin, I'm just not into you.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:23 AM on September 29, 2008


the same argument you make could be applied to any of the sections on the site

Perhaps, but I think what I was saying was "the profiles section of the site already does a good chunk of what a Personals section would do and it's right there, go use it"

The user profiles page doesn't/can't do what music does [provide storage and a player for user-generated music] and couldn't really do what jobs does [have an RSS feed and map of jobs by/for MeFites] and would seem to require and outlay of mod time/effort in a direction that we sort of think would be reinventing the wheel on the web [there are a lot of good sites out there that do this well, at best we'd be doing it badly] which is another reason I think it's unlikely to happen.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:27 AM on September 29, 2008


I never figured you for a love-em-and-leave-em type.

*sniff*

Fine. I bid you adieu.
posted by quin at 8:28 AM on September 29, 2008


I think quin is onto something. Even without creating an explicit DateMe subsite, a faceted search on profiles that found members within radius N miles + relationship status=available + orientation=as appropriate (that would need to be a new field) would pretty much cover it.

I'm not in the dating market myself, but I can see why the idea appeals to people. This is a community with a lot of smart, opinionated people who may not agree with each other but often come at the world with something of a shared perspective. It's the same reason that PoliticsFilter is so unstoppable—we like talking about politics, and we like talking about politics with each other.

If more fields were added to profiles (such as "professional skills" or whatever), or just a controlled vocabulary of keywords, faceted searches MeFi profiles could be used for other kinds of localized matchmaking as well—cycling partners, potluck groups, sewing circles, etc.
posted by adamrice at 8:38 AM on September 29, 2008


What about adding a simple, "Available" wiki page, sort of like the gamertag page, where Mefites that are single just put in their names (maybe names and gender)?

That would be easy enough to do, and if someone was single and looking, happened to read some fantastic comments by another Mefite and wanted to meet up or get to know him/her better, clicking on the wiki would let them know if the person was interested in that sort of thing.

I know, of course, that you could always just Mefi mail the person, but if the other person was already in a relationship, that could get embarrassing.
posted by misha at 8:44 AM on September 29, 2008


Instead of making it dating-specific, what if the "nearby users" page were changed to list more information about people from their profiles that just happened to be useful for dating purposes? So instead of a cloud list of usernames and distance, we get a table with:

photo username realname location occupation gender taken? IM AlsoOn
posted by grouse at 8:49 AM on September 29, 2008


Is this the right place to post that Metafilter got me pregnant?

Five years ago I met NortonDC at a DC meetup, and now here I am married to him and almost twenty weeks pregnant with a teeny little girl. It can happen to you, too. Here is how I did it. YMMV.

1. Go to a meetup in your area. Have fun at the meetup. Do not get too drunk. Do not stalk anyone. Be friendly. Wear a skirt if you like skirts. (Tho I was non-seriously dating other people at the time. I'm just saying for me the old adage about finding someone when you weren't really looking was true.)

2. Actually I can't really advise people on how we got from the meetup to an actual relationship and marriage. You are on your own here. Good luck! Be brave! Be the best version of yourself that you can manage! I will say that when we were first getting to know one another I certainly "stalked" NortonDC by reading his past comments and posts. That was a very valuable resource that you won't get at a lot of other websites. A++, would stalk again.

3. You're pretty much on your own re getting knocked up, too. But AskMe is always there for you if you need it.

4. But can I offer a few suggestions on what we do for coexisting somewhat peacefully on Metafilter together? NortonDC and I are very different people with opinions that diverge on a lot of issues. So we have developed a few pseudo-ground rules, such as the following: If your beloved is getting piled on in a thread, try not to pile on them too, even if you sort of agree with the pile on. Disengage. It's hard enough to get into a back alley fight at Metafilter where the odds are against you, never mind having your own "et tu, brutus" moment in there as well.

5. In the same vein, if you find your beloved is getting piled on in a thread, it may be okay to go in and speak up for them or otherwise defend their honor, even if you disagree with them. Because you have a better insight into why they are making a particular argument than the faceless folks who are arguing with them. But I don't recommend doing this too often. Once a year, maybe? It's a nice gesture, but folks probably want to stand or fall on their own.

6. You can try not to write things about one another that you won't be embarrassed by later. I failed at this miserably when we first started dating. I'm more circumspect now. But even so, here I am on Metatalk joking that Metafilter got me pregnant, so wtf do I know? Why are you even listening to me? You are probably better off eshewing all this advice and going your own way on this.

But still, think about going to a meetup.
posted by onlyconnect at 8:58 AM on September 29, 2008 [12 favorites]


Also, it would be really nice if the relationship status was free form. Though I'm married ( oh um, uh, hi quin), I AM NOT TAKEN and will not use that indicator, in silent protest.

And grouse's idea is cool.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:01 AM on September 29, 2008


Is this the right place to post that Metafilter got me pregnant?

Only f you're giving birth to a bouncing baby flameout.

(congrats)
posted by jonmc at 9:07 AM on September 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


I was non-seriously dating

I always found the term 'serious' when applied to dating to be weird. People would ask me, 'are you in a serious relationship?' and I'd say "No, I'm in a silly relationship. we hit eachother upside the head with rubber chickens, spray seltzer, that kind of thing...'
posted by jonmc at 9:09 AM on September 29, 2008 [11 favorites]


I can't wait to see the new kinds of relationshipfilter questions that pop up after dating.metafilter.com goes live.

If I recall correctly, someone mapped this out to humorous effect in a previous DoMe thread.

And while we're sorta on the subject of the "Mefites Near You" function, it might be more useful if it filtered out members who haven't posted in, say, the last year. Those of us in high-density areas have a lot of noise in their results.
posted by Bookhouse at 9:12 AM on September 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


Is this the right place to post that Metafilter got me pregnant?

No, that'd go under 'Bugs' or 'MetaFilter gatherings', I think. Have you tried resetting your cookies?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:18 AM on September 29, 2008 [4 favorites]


Please also add an indicator of whether or not you're receptive to flirtation, regardless of relationship status. This would be exceedingly useful to me, a fact to which several Philly MeFites can attest.

This should change at least daily, akin to the "mood" feature on LJ.

Ohwait. No.
posted by desuetude at 9:19 AM on September 29, 2008


Oh god, I only realized the impropriety of the cookies reference when I posted that, please don't hate me or think I'm a creep. All the best to you guys!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:20 AM on September 29, 2008


Is this the right place to post that Metafilter got me pregnant?

I smell a screenplay.

Kate Hudson can play Jessamyn. Matthew McConaughey can play Mathowie.

I'll be played by Andy Rooney.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:22 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'll insist on Jack Black.
posted by jonmc at 9:25 AM on September 29, 2008


Is this the right place to post that Metafilter got me pregnant?

FYI, the whole 'Mod Trinity' thing is just a figure of speech.

I'll be played by a young Christopher Walken.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:28 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


3. You're pretty much on your own re getting knocked up, too. But AskMe is always there for you if you need it.

Easy for you to talk. I'm thinking you weren't entirely on your own when you got knocked up. Nor did AskMe play a material part.
posted by orange swan at 9:32 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


And yeah I think faceted search is a great idea for this reason as well as others.

Kate Hudson?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:33 AM on September 29, 2008


you're more an Amy Irving type, I think.
posted by jonmc at 9:35 AM on September 29, 2008


I'd say Robin Weigert.

I shall be played by Philip Seymour Hoffman.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:36 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Lili Taylor, maybe?
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:48 AM on September 29, 2008


the big thing I think of every time this idea comes up is an imaginary scenario wherein assholes go digging through the personals profile of a mefite they're having an argument with in order to make some shitty and embarassing personal attack. an example:

mefite #1: I can't believe you think [x] about [y]. you're wrong blahblah.

mefite #2: well maybe you're too busy taking it in the ass from tall skinny guys to think about [y] properly.

mefite #1: ... what?

mefite #2: lolpersonals.

and so a place where people expose their private lives more than they otherwise might becomes a place where some asshole exploits that exposure. i'm against it.

Perhaps, but I think what I was saying was "the profiles section of the site already does a good chunk of what a Personals section would do and it's right there, go use it"

as i said, i'm against the idea, but this seems plainly untrue to me. personals sites offer robust search functionality based on things like personal interests, sexual preference, finances, personality types, and things like that. they give you the ability to pull up a sample of people that fit particular criteria. mefi does none of these things.
posted by shmegegge at 9:51 AM on September 29, 2008


"Lili Taylor, maybe?"

Ann Cusack, definitely.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 10:01 AM on September 29, 2008


I want to be played by Michelle Yeoh. I know this will seem odd, as I'm not Chinese, a woman, or capable of her level of asskickery, but I believe that bold, unexpected casting moves can make the film.

If she is unavailable, I will also accept Tom "Tiny" Lister, Bea Arthur, or Peter Dinklage as my cinematic stand in.
posted by quin at 10:06 AM on September 29, 2008


If you've ever made love in an echo chamber, you know how loud it gets. Just sayin'.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:34 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


2. add your relationship status to your profile

That's all well and good except for the fact that I can't do that because its a drop-down with only 3 options, none of which encompass my situation. When, for the love of all things good and right with this beautiful addiction of a website, will we FINALLY change this to a free-form-go-nuts field just like location, occupation, and gender. I mean come on, seriously. We're cutting edge and forward thinking enough that gender is a free-form field, but we've limited relationship status to 3 values. Come on.

/rant
posted by allkindsoftime at 10:34 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


The biggest debit I see to the idea - beyond all the ones Jessamyn and others have noted - is that at $5, we would turn into the cheapest dating site on the web. Think about how that might shape the character of the site in a negative way if that became a primary reason for people to join. Horribile dictu.
posted by madamjujujive at 10:35 AM on September 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


You can say that again!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:35 AM on September 29, 2008


(meant for BP)
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:36 AM on September 29, 2008


Look, I'm not, y'know, looking for anything, but if hot MeFites sent me nude pictures of themselves? I could give them the appropriate paperwork guidelines for publication. Just sayin'.
posted by klangklangston at 10:37 AM on September 29, 2008


I demand to be played by Danny Trejo. In real life. I think I'd get more done with my day if I were Danny Trejo. Does Danny Trejo have writer's block? He did once, and he strangled it and fed it to his dogs.
posted by Bookhouse at 10:42 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Minnie Driver (for jessamyn; I'd be a Janeane Garofalo I think)
posted by By The Grace of God at 10:42 AM on September 29, 2008


Cool Papa Bell: Kate Hudson can play Jessamyn. Matthew McConaughey can play Mathowie.

For the movie, I want either Chris Elliott or George "the Animal" Steele to have my role. More likely, they'll cast Rick Moranis like they always do. Poor guy's been typecast. (Good call on the Ann Cusack, AIOM!)

And: seconding onlyconnect. I met my love at a meetup. Except I'm not pregnant or married, hopefully. I strongly urge you to go to the next meetup within 100 miles of where you live, skylar. At the very least you'll meet interesting off-kilter people, and be able to connect names to faces, and maybe you'll say to yourself at some point during the evening, "Wait, that's THAT asshole? My god, he/she's cute and nothing like his/her online persona/ae!"
posted by not_on_display at 10:44 AM on September 29, 2008


I can't do that because its a drop-down with only 3 options, none of which encompass my situation

After single, taken, or open, what's left? Not snarking, I'm genuinely curious as it seems fairly comprehensive.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:45 AM on September 29, 2008


Actually, screw the pony, this is a horse that I want

Are we really proposing that kind of hook-up site?
posted by shiu mai baby at 10:47 AM on September 29, 2008


You can say that again!

Come again?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:49 AM on September 29, 2008


Thanks, don't mind if I do.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:53 AM on September 29, 2008


at $5, we would turn into the cheapest dating site on the web. Think about how that might shape the character of the site in a negative way if that became a primary reason for people to join.

quoted for "holy shit that's a really good point."
posted by shmegegge at 10:53 AM on September 29, 2008 [3 favorites]


That Plenty of Fish site is free, although it has a pretty ugly UI, and people with huge chips on their shoulders who can't spell and have an almost pathological fear of "Mind games".

Don't judge me.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:58 AM on September 29, 2008


at $5, we would turn into the cheapest dating site on the web. Think about how that might shape the character of the site in a negative way if that became a primary reason for people to join.

If everyone agrees to go Dutch, and takes a shower, I don't see what the problem is.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:03 AM on September 29, 2008


After single, taken, or open, what's left? Not snarking, I'm genuinely curious as it seems fairly comprehensive.

I've tackled that question before.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:24 AM on September 29, 2008


To wit, the choices "male" and "female" ought to be "fairly comprehensive" for the gender field but we're cooler than that.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:25 AM on September 29, 2008


Wait, that's THAT asshole?

See, this is why I don't go to meetups. I'm afraid of both being "THAT asshole" and meeting "THAT asshole."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:37 AM on September 29, 2008


That's all well and good except for the fact that I can't do that because its a drop-down with only 3 options, none of which encompass my situation.

Then add it to the big space where you can type anything you want to. Or put it in the gender section. The main reason we don't want to turn the site into a dating site, more than any other reason is that I don't want to deal with eight million feature requests from special single snowflakes who think that if we could just change the name of one form entry field they might be able to find that special someone. And I'm the unmarried mod.

In short, there's enough of that going on just keeping the existing parts of the website afloat. I don't mean to be dismissive, I've been a single user of MeFi for almost as many years as I've been a coupled user of MeFi and I've often though "gee, I spend so much time here anyhow, might be neat if there was a way I could connect in real life with people..." but my conclusion was and still is: there is, but it's a little more subtle (and to me, a little more rich) and requires a little more effort than just checking boxes and deciding that "straight but not narrow" explains your orientation more than "het" or "cat+girl" or whatever you think needs to go in that box.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:39 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


And in the light of this entire thread, how many MeFi mails have I received? Just the one. You know who you are - thanks. Could everyone else please flood my inbox?
posted by skylar at 11:54 AM on September 29, 2008


I've tackled that question before.

O hai, thats me under ur linked comment!

Anyhow, at the risk of seeming insensitive*it would appear that if you're single and not looking, entering something in the Status box is pretty much irrelevant anyway, unless every morning you have to delete the hundreds come-ons in your inbox that begin "I hope I'm not bothering you, but I noticed that you don't have your relationship status marked in your profile, and was wondering... ".

Monkeying with it would just lead to headaches: "MeFite X, I am not your 'ideological chewtoy', please remove me from your relationship status immediately!" "I feel that Gary should not have 'No bitches just hos plz lol' in his relationship status space." "I divorced this guy two years ago, and he still says we're married, just now he added '... to a lifesucking harpie."

*FWIW, I was a single and not looking MeFite for a long time too, and never bothered with Status before or after my swinging bachelor days ended -
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:58 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Then add it to the big space where you can type anything you want to. Or put it in the gender section.

Neither of those fields have anything to do with the relationship field, but if that's the directive, so be it. I still think the field is limited unnecessarily. I don't think MeFi needs nor should have any kind of dating function, and I don't see how making one field free-form for the sake of uniformity with others around it would in any way lead down "that road." Anyway, I appreciate that you guys have a lot on your hands and you do a damn fine job with what you have as it is, I just don't understand how this would add to that workload. Maybe I'm dense.

Alvy seems to think it would cause headaches too, but we haven't had that problem with the other free-form fields.
posted by allkindsoftime at 12:17 PM on September 29, 2008


Looking for somebody to ultimately sour my Metafilter experience by making horrible memories of our encounter wash over me every time I visit the site. Ideally, I should feel like I did when I got pantsed in junior high, but I am willing to accept feeling like I ate a bad burrito.

Also, WIlliam Sanderson should play me, or that guy that killed Cyrus in The Warriors.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 12:24 PM on September 29, 2008


If you're not neck-deep in ass because of MetaFilter, you're doing it wrong.
posted by roll truck roll at 12:50 PM on September 29, 2008


Does it have to be my own?
posted by whir at 12:55 PM on September 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


pineapple that compromised my judgment

Yawn. I can't even get out of bed for this anymore, I hear it so often.
posted by pineapple at 1:23 PM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'd like to request that Matt rent a football stadium somewhere near a North American air travel hub and pair us off by user number one decree. I could use a reprieve from my own company but have little confidence that this DateMe site that people keep suggesting would be effective for me. Thank you. I eagerly await my future couplehood.
posted by TimTypeZed at 1:26 PM on September 29, 2008


Jessamyn hates single people.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:58 PM on September 29, 2008


Won't somebody please think of the AskMe whining if MetaDateFilter were created?
posted by Cranberry at 2:01 PM on September 29, 2008


Can MarkovFilter be tweaked to allow more than one username?

Then we could see what sort of stuff the spawn of two or more users would spew, if those same two or more users dated and procreated.
posted by CKmtl at 2:05 PM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Won't somebody please think of the AskMe whining if MetaDateFilter were created?

::thinks::

Ok, I'm on board!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:19 PM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Single White Dickbag seeks same for links to Rick Astley videos and complaints about how the Simpsons used to be better
posted by Damn That Television at 2:24 PM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Case study: fr0zen and xteraco
posted by milkrate at 2:45 PM on September 29, 2008


If you go to a meetup and I meet you there, and I think you're a catch, I go all Metafilter Madame on you. Maybe it's because I played Yente in the high school play, maybe I just like to make whoopie, even if it isn't my own. The post-meetup networking doesn't have to end with members, you know. We have to look out for team Mefi in the wide world of dating!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 3:09 PM on September 29, 2008


I mostly played Pente in high school.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:20 PM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


O negative, by the way. Rockstar blood.
posted by NortonDC at 4:22 PM on September 29, 2008


[ ]Fantastic comment
[ ]Double comment
[ ]HTML/display error
[ ]Offensive/sexism/racism
[ ]Noise
[ ]Derail
[ ]It breaks the guidelines
[ ]OMFG SO WET/HARD FOR YOU!
[ ]Other

Simple, non?
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:40 PM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Eponysterical much?
posted by NortonDC at 4:44 PM on September 29, 2008


Won't somebody please think of the AskMe whining if MetaDateFilter were created?

Not to mention the MeTa callouts when the relationships go sour...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:48 PM on September 29, 2008


... Don't flags send notifications to the mods? I don't like them that much.
posted by bettafish at 6:45 PM on September 29, 2008


Case study: fr0zen and xteraco
posted by milkrate at 5:45 PM on September 29


And that, I think, should fairly conclusively end this pony-wishing.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 6:51 PM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


What if we had a themed meetup that was singles only? It might give an outlet for those looking to meet people on Metafilter, without turning it into a full blown personals site.
posted by whoaali at 7:35 PM on September 29, 2008


Could everyone else please flood my inbox?

That's what she said.

No, seriously, that's what she said.
posted by crossoverman at 7:37 PM on September 29, 2008


What if we had a themed meetup that was singles only?]

Any "singles-only" meetup should include at least some percentage of marrieds. Happily marrieds, to give them hope. And unhappily marrieds, to, well, keep them realistic.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:38 PM on September 29, 2008


So.. a normal meetup, really.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:30 PM on September 29, 2008


What if we had a themed meetup that was singles only? It might give an outlet for those looking to meet people on Metafilter, without turning it into a full blown personals site.

But how do we filter out the teases? Easy! We don't let them in.

And sometimes the guys are tapped-out, but check the Meet-up Thread, 'cause you're hanging out at Fuck Mountain!

/GOB

Seriously though, all my Mefi-crushes live in distant towns as far as I know, so I would be A-OK with a D.C.-area singles' night, where it was understood that anyone was welcome, but that there'd be a whole lot of flirtin' goin' on.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:44 PM on September 29, 2008


Oh, and I'd want either Michael Cera or Rory Cochran to play me. Maybe both in different moods, I'm Not There style.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:48 PM on September 29, 2008


giggity.
posted by not_on_display at 9:40 PM on September 29, 2008 [3 favorites]


Alvy seems to think it would cause headaches too, but we haven't had that problem with the other free-form fields.

Without presuming to speak for the Admins or their intent when setting up the profile pages, I realized that the free-form, go nuts options are primarily for people to talk about themselves while the social options like Relationship Status and Contacts are more constricted, possibly to discourage asshattery like we're discussing - and even then, I'm pretty sure that some folks who have me listed as 'sweetheart' or 'muse' were being passive aggressive dinks.

And IIRC, there've been a few times when people have written something shitty about a fellow MeFite in the free-form field. Not that that's an argument for or against free-form or option-only or that it happens all the time, just an observation. I think the set up strikes a good balance between giving people autonomy and a place to share more about themselves while discouraging the rancorous goings-on and personal fracases which occasionally flare up from spilling out from MeFi and MeTa threads to fester in the relative privacy of a user page.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:25 PM on September 29, 2008


Its worth noting that evidentally the meetups are singles-oriented, at least in my one experience, where I thought about going to a local one and had someone who was coordinating it take offense at a joke I told and then accuse me of wanting to go to the meetup to cheat on my wife (all of this was in the getting-ready-to-meetup thread; needless to say I decided that wasn't the kind of person I wanted to meet in person.)

But more importantly: do we really need a dating site, when we have Projects? I mean, all the (ahem) self-linking you want, no strings attached...
posted by davejay at 12:40 AM on September 30, 2008


davejay, I've been to about ten meetups now, and none of them have been "singles-oriented" in my opinion.
posted by grouse at 1:01 AM on September 30, 2008


Oooh, in MetaFilter the Movie, I'm gonna be played by Scarlett Johansson, based on the number of times people have told me I look like her. I think it's just because we both have big lips and boobs.

(Yes, the modifier works for both nouns.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:16 AM on September 30, 2008


I want to also second grouse; although I happened to meet my gf at a meetup, none of the meetups I've attended had a "singles event" feel to them, nor was I going to meetups with "get laid" on my agenda (other than it normally is).

But if you keep an open mind, you may get to dance with Eideteker!
posted by not_on_display at 4:57 AM on September 30, 2008


none of the meetups I've attended had a "singles event" feel to them

Agreed, and I've been to more of them in different places than maybe anyone else. The meetups I've been to tend to reflect sort of the median MeFi population, techy geeky dudes. Put another way, going to a meetup to cheat on your wife would be a bad way to go about wife-cheating.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:44 AM on September 30, 2008


MeHot or MeNot?
posted by Pollomacho at 6:08 AM on September 30, 2008


Its worth noting that evidentally the meetups are singles-oriented, at least in my one experience

Yeah, I don't think this is the case in general either. You may have had bad luck and maybe a specifically bad (or at least fumbled) interaction in that thread you mention, and that sucks and you have my sympathies. Don't count meetups out based on one bad first impression.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:07 AM on September 30, 2008


I've been to about ten meetups now, and none of them have been "singles-oriented" in my opinion.

The ones I've been to have seemingly been gay-oriented. Sigh.
posted by orange swan at 10:10 AM on September 30, 2008


I can't decide between "not that there's anything wrong with that" and "why are all the good-looking social gathering organization threads..."
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:15 AM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


It's never the ones you hope. Think. Never the ones you think.

/Barry Zuckercorn
posted by Navelgazer at 10:26 AM on September 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


orange swan: The ones I've been to have seemingly been gay-oriented. Sigh.

I can't tell if that's a dejected sigh or a heart-throbbing sigh. Please specify in your profile page. The Cabal will scan all profiles and identify your match based on 273 areas of compatibility. Your match will then be subliminally directed to attend the next meetup and ... holdonasec... someone at the door...

Hi, what can I do for yEAAAAGHgggggghhh....(gurgle)


[this acount has been disabled]

posted by not_on_display at 11:22 AM on September 30, 2008


orange swan, don't listen to him.

There is no Cabal.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:54 AM on September 30, 2008


"why are all the good-looking social gathering organization threads..."

Years ago, I was on the bus and overheard a conversation between two tweenybopper girls. They couldn't have been older than 11 or 12...

Girl A: "*sigh* There just aren't any good boys around, y'know?"
Girl B: "Yeah, seriously. All the good ones are taken or gay."

It took all over my will power not to collapse in fits of laughter.
posted by CKmtl at 11:56 AM on September 30, 2008


I remember saying things like that when I was that age, CKmtl!

There's a Canadian Cabal, Navelgazer. But I will say no more lest my body is found somewhere on Yonge with its lungs containing traces of bacon.
posted by orange swan at 12:11 PM on September 30, 2008


Meetups? Community? Romance? I'm confused.

From what I can tell, I have all of *18* users nearby and I don't think there have ever been any Hawai'i meetups. Not a great 'dating pool'.

OK ... I know I lurk more than I comment, so maybe I just don't get this 'personals' question. I think it is also because I -- like most here in Hawai'i just don't spend much time online. MEFI is my link to great minds, good laughs, etc, but ... sigh ... you are all sooooo far away!!

(hmmm, it's raining today ... nice break from all that beach time)

Why don't you Mefites just plan a meet-up here ! (Hey, even the ultimate frizbee ppl do it.) I'll add my couchsurfing link to my profile (byot - bring your own tent).

Plan the visit soon, though -- before the planes stop flying.
posted by Surfurrus at 12:45 PM on September 30, 2008


Surfurrus: From what I can tell, I have all of *18* users nearby

That's out of the people who specified on their profile their lat/lon. There are probably more if you count all users, plus lurkers.
posted by not_on_display at 2:13 PM on September 30, 2008


To those advising on the not-really-singles thing: thanks for the perspective. I admit that whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth, so it's good to hear it was an atypical thing.
posted by davejay at 3:55 PM on September 30, 2008


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