Why so many Penis Questions?

March 6, 2009 3:07 AM

I've just been noticing a recent pattern in Ask, which got me thinking about patterns in ask. Possibly NSFW.

Guys with penis problems.

Two of those were from yesterday, one from Tuesday, and one from a week ago Sunday.

Anyway I guess the specific pattern isn't really what interests me... It's just that previous asks don't seem to provide an answer for posters even when they seem, to me, relevant.

I see this with other topics too, like people who haven't had much sexual/dating experience or depression, though I guess those make more sense to me.

Anyway I apologize in advance if this is either chatfilter or should be in ask itself. I'm not really looking for an answer though, just a considered discussion on what this happens with some topics.

posted by gryftir to MetaFilter-Related at 3:07 AM (63 comments total)

confirmation bias.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:23 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

maybe it's an enabling thing, similar to the phenomenon of suicide clusters (if that's a real thing) but in a positive way. People with potentially embarrassing problems see other people ask similar questions (and get helpful answers) and so feel able to ask their own.
posted by patricio at 3:30 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

International Impotence Month.

aka Worst Holiday Ever.
posted by lucidium at 3:31 AM on March 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

International Impotence Month.

Not hard to celebrate.
posted by maxwelton at 3:43 AM on March 6, 2009 [57 favorites]

Well, the economy is in a downturn and traditional treatment options just aren't as affordable as they were, say a year ago.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 3:48 AM on March 6, 2009

What I've noticed is a cluster of people posting their questions to the blue or the gray instead of the green. I think there have been about five of them in the last week.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 3:53 AM on March 6, 2009

At the police press conference, it was revealed a crate load of Viagra had been stolen from a distribution depot - the police are looking for hardened criminals, and that anyone who steals Viagra will face stiff penalties.

Then, there's the elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man answered, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good."

The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I'm over 80 - I don't need them for sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
posted by netbros at 4:02 AM on March 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

So...what's your question? People (two of whom are women, btw) have questions about sex. This is new to you?
posted by DU at 4:13 AM on March 6, 2009

International Impotence Month is pretty fuckin' impotent to some of us.
posted by gman at 4:17 AM on March 6, 2009

I've been noticing a trend of bad answers in response to penis questions.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 4:22 AM on March 6, 2009

I'm not really looking for an answer though, just a considered discussion on what this happens with some topics.

When I get that itch to scratch, I always check out Google Trends. But it looks like the penis trend is curving downwards, so I think you have a case of the biases.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:29 AM on March 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

I always ask my penis questions on Yahoo! Answers.
posted by gman at 4:29 AM on March 6, 2009

A simultaneous orgasm is usually harder to achieve when two people barely know each other.
posted by gman at 4:46 AM on March 6, 2009

As the guy famous for his Clenis liked to say, "It's the economy, stupid!"
posted by orthogonality at 4:54 AM on March 6, 2009

It seems that when you're worried about your penis and/or vagina, you don't want anything less than an answer for what you perceive to be your completely unique penis and/or vagina problem. Hence the lack of satisfaction with any earlier questions, no matter how similar.
posted by CRM114 at 5:02 AM on March 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

I think CRM114 has hit the nail on the head. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try and get the image of a hammer striking my penis out of my head.
posted by Pollomacho at 5:16 AM on March 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's not much a trend really. The enormity and variation of interesting sexual questions on Ask is pretty impressive, but that's to be expected because even using your own account it's a private way to get advice about intimate issues. It's not the best way mind you, not by a long shot. The askers would be much better served by going to a mainstream, vetted sex information resource an MD or psychologist in the specialty. Or failing those options, the man or woman standing alone in the cereal isle of your local grocery store between 11AM and 4PM EST.

A lot of people don't know about the Retail Based Sex Therapist program, but the same SCHIP law that provides insurance for some kids, in two sub-clauses, requires each state to place a RBST in the cereal isle of each grocery store. The rules that settled the location and store type are complex and relatively mundane, thus don't need to be discussed here. However if you have a sexual problem and want anonymous advice, go do a little shopping and ask your RBST, these wonderful men and women look like they're shopping for cereal, but they are literally waiting for you to ask them about your problems.
posted by Science! at 5:16 AM on March 6, 2009 [4 favorites]

You bastard I just tried this and an old lady beaned with a box of Grape Nuts.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:26 AM on March 6, 2009

Which was oddly apropos...wait a minute maybe this does work!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:28 AM on March 6, 2009

I can't speak for those guys, but I know that my penis is a unique and special snowflake. Previous questions and answers could never apply.
posted by Plutor at 5:38 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'd lean on the side of confirmation bias, and was going to mention what Plutor said - people have a tendency to overestimate their uniqueness and refuse to apply solutions to other people's problems to themselves because the mitigating and extenuating circumstances are just too important to be discarded. (6 month relationship as opposed to casual dating? Whole other game.)
posted by Phire at 5:44 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try and get the image of a hammer striking my penis out of my head.

The hammer is my penis.
posted by desuetude at 6:33 AM on March 6, 2009 [5 favorites]

blueballpeen amirite
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:02 AM on March 6, 2009

This is a cluster, not a pattern, and is normal for randomly distributed events.
If your penis exhibits patterns or clusters, see a doctor.
posted by rocket88 at 7:12 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Something like one third of all people have penises, so you're bound to see penis-oriented penises on the penis from penis to penis. Penis? Penis.
posted by Mister_A at 7:14 AM on March 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

I don't think this is confirmation bias. But as rocket88 points out, this could still be a coincidence.
posted by grouse at 7:22 AM on March 6, 2009

I read the obits this morning. A woman with the maiden name of Penix died. I just wanted to share that with y'all.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:32 AM on March 6, 2009

Why did I think reading this at work was a good idea.
posted by chunking express at 7:50 AM on March 6, 2009

No more scaling!
posted by Pollomacho at 8:10 AM on March 6, 2009

woahwoahwoah. are you. telling me. that no one. has mentioned. taters, yet?
posted by shmegegge at 8:16 AM on March 6, 2009

Perhaps there's a recruitment drive for the Pen 15 club.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:17 AM on March 6, 2009

Two weeks from today, after about 300 askme posts, you will see another penis problem. You will slam your hands on your desk and exclaim loudly "God damn those mefi penises".

But if you think about people(men and women)...and how much of their time is devoted to penises, you will realize "oh shit...these people are not as obsessed with penises as I am".

Then you will go to your fridge and tear down all the penis posts from Dan Savage's column.
posted by hal_c_on at 8:34 AM on March 6, 2009

The word penis is not NSFW.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:24 AM on March 6, 2009

Get out of my head, hal_c_on.
posted by gman at 9:39 AM on March 6, 2009

I wish I was better at ASCII art so I could make a penis out of words, thus making a NSFW "word penis" to defy jessamyn.

But I am not, so I cannot.
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:50 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I really hope this isn't my fault. Penis.

Then again, it's penis to be so penis about penis.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:44 AM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Damn you SpiffyRob. Damn you to penis.
posted by Mister_A at 10:51 AM on March 6, 2009

If I'm gonna be impotent, I gotta dress impotent!
posted by klangklangston at 11:12 AM on March 6, 2009

Why so many Penis Questions?

Because calling it a tummy banana doesn't really make people take your "unique" problem seriously.
posted by ob at 11:17 AM on March 6, 2009 [5 favorites]

I read the obits this morning. A woman with the maiden name of Penix died. I just wanted to share that with y'all.

If I went to school I woulda totally razzed her. I'd be all, "More like Phoenix, haha! With the ashes and the burning and the rising!"
posted by Mister_A at 11:31 AM on March 6, 2009

The word penis is not NSFW.

I know. But still, I could not resist. And then it was all "cumming my mouth" this and "hand job" that.
posted by chunking express at 11:33 AM on March 6, 2009

Ballpeen hammer always makes me laugh, and it's safe for work!
posted by thinkpiece at 11:41 AM on March 6, 2009

I could draw a word penis if I visited Pen Island...
posted by SpiffyRob at 11:44 AM on March 6, 2009

But it looks like the penis trend is curving downwards

Mine curves upwards.
posted by JeffK at 12:05 PM on March 6, 2009

By gum, it is fun to say "penis."
posted by Mister_A at 12:08 PM on March 6, 2009

The penis mightier than the sword.
posted by rocket88 at 12:34 PM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's become our lingam franca
posted by Abiezer at 1:02 PM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's serendipity. I swear, every time I have a question and think about how to post it, in the next few days somebody beats me to it. (puts on tin foil hat)

BTW do you like bottom freezers or top freezers or side by side for your refrigerators? (ha!)
posted by zengargoyle at 1:26 PM on March 6, 2009

Don't say penis. It's a like a hill billy or special needs name or something.

Virgina is nice grand mint julep sipping Southern Bell kind of name. When you toss penis in there. Well the contrast makes a penis feel small, unworthy of Vagina's refined attentions. Like an impoverished share cropper wooing the Plantation owners daughter.

Please use the more scientific and less undignified name of COLONEL MIGHTY LOVE SCEPTER.

You heard me. COLONEL MIGHTY LOVE SCEPTER!

Again. SAY IT AGAIN!

YES. NOW WE ARE STRONG!

FRANKLY, VAGINA MY DEAR, WE DO GIVE DAMN!

Um. Sorry. What were we talking about again?
posted by tkchrist at 1:45 PM on March 6, 2009

It's seasonal; y'know, springtime, when a young man's fancy turns to ...
posted by scruss at 1:46 PM on March 6, 2009

"Virgina."

I'm sitting there giggling at my typo and my coworkers peek in and ask me what's so funny. So I tell them.

Now I'm sitting here with five women saying "VER-GINAHHH" into the intercom at random every few seconds.

What have I done. My god. What have I done.
posted by tkchrist at 1:54 PM on March 6, 2009

Virgina is fer luvvers, hyuk hyuk.
posted by Mister_A at 2:00 PM on March 6, 2009

People like talking about their dicks in AskMe because people like talking about their dicks generally, as this thread ably shows.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:06 PM on March 6, 2009

But, enough about my penis. Let's talk about you for a while. What do you think of my penis?
posted by found missing at 2:14 PM on March 6, 2009

There could be something happening here.

Membership's gotten a bit younger, and younger men have been exposed to a lot more of the estrogenating compounds, such as bis-phenol A, than previous generations. Those things don't affect just sperm counts.
posted by jamjam at 4:22 PM on March 6, 2009

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy, it's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick,
So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas,
Hooray for your one-eyed trousers snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your Percy or your cock,
You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can slip it in your sock,
Just don't take it out in public, or they will put you in the dock
And you won't come back!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:50 PM on March 6, 2009

Membership's gotten a bit younger, and younger men have been exposed to a lot more of the estrogenating compounds, such as bis-phenol A, than previous generations. Those things don't affect just sperm counts.

Aw, that's just your lead-damaged brain talking.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:08 PM on March 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

The hammer is my penis.

When you have a penis in your hand, everything looks like something to nail.
posted by turgid dahlia at 1:10 AM on March 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

mental note: never go to the urinal at the same time as turgid dahlia.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:07 AM on March 7, 2009

But seriously, there are some bad answers in the most recent thread. Apparently when a penis is not following directions the way everyone would like it's someone's fault, and that someone is a woman. Apparently.

Okay, as you were.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 7:46 AM on March 7, 2009

Aw, that's just your lead-damaged brain talking.

Don't forget all that DDT, food coloring and preservatives, aluminum pans, and nuclear fallout.
posted by jamjam at 11:55 AM on March 7, 2009

Please hammer don't hurt 'em.
posted by klangklangston at 1:26 PM on March 7, 2009

And now, an extremely scientific look at how two different AI simulators react to a non-stop barrage of penises:

ELIZA
ELIZA: Hello, I am ELIZA. How can I help you?

SpiffyRob: penis

ELIZA: Please go on.

SpiffyRob: penis

ELIZA: Please go on.

SpiffyRob: penis

ELIZA: Please go on.

ELBOT
Since when is ELBOT blocked by SurfControl? Those guys are jerks.

Pony Request: When I have a good idea for a worthless comment, can I be shown, in realtime, the various reasons why that comment will be failure? SurfControl blocked sites necessary, inaccurate memory about a particular episode of Hey Dude, few too people familiar with the song I'm parodying, etc etc.

And no, I cannot shake the excess pee off of my own penis. Thanks.
posted by SpiffyRob at 10:59 AM on March 9, 2009