Go with Goddess

October 1, 2009 3:06 PM

Looks like Mark has found his Goddess, but don't despair ladies, it may not be too late. He's "accepting backup replies."

This site has been up for one year and until June 2009 averaged about 150 visits per month, totaling about 2,000 visits over an entire year. Then, in the last week of June 2009, the number of visits exploded and by now has exceeded 150,000. I am extremely pleased about this, notwithstanding that the major factor propelling all this free publicity has been ridicule. There is an old saying, "All publicity is good." Clearly, I have emotionally engaged a large number of people, which is one of the objectives of my Global Vision.

I honestly think metafilter may have brought these two kids together. Let's hear it for everichon!

posted by cjorgensen to MetaFilter-Related at 3:06 PM (71 comments total)

Zoinks!
posted by everichon at 3:08 PM on October 1, 2009

notwithstanding that the major factor propelling all this free publicity has been ridicule

*sniff*

I feel so good about myself, right now. This is better than Kiva. I could be a fucking billionaire philanthropist of snark!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:10 PM on October 1, 2009 [3 favorites]

Section 7: "I am confident, but in case things don't work out, I am accepting backup replies from serious woman."

LAME.
posted by gman at 3:10 PM on October 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

She's going to take him for everything he has.
posted by Caduceus at 3:11 PM on October 1, 2009 [3 favorites]

I have found my Goddess by means of this website! She meets ALL of my extensive qualifications. However, she lives in Europe so we have a distance problem.

This one time at camp, I totally fucked this Canadian chick. She's probably going to visit me sometime.
posted by Skot at 3:12 PM on October 1, 2009 [5 favorites]

Good for him. Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:14 PM on October 1, 2009 [27 favorites]

Jeepers. For a second there, I thought you were saying everichon was Mark's lucky lady, which left me (and Mrs. everichon, no doubt) with a lot of questions.
posted by katillathehun at 3:16 PM on October 1, 2009

I still have not had the "MeFi spouses" talk with Mrs. Everichon.
posted by everichon at 3:21 PM on October 1, 2009

Hopefully she takes it better than Ralph.
posted by gman at 3:24 PM on October 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

Good for him. Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.

It's less the loneliness and more the everything else.
posted by fire&wings at 3:28 PM on October 1, 2009 [12 favorites]

Just to be fair, I've never heard anybody complain about how Ralph takes it.
posted by box at 3:35 PM on October 1, 2009 [4 favorites]

Accepting backup replies? How romantic.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:47 PM on October 1, 2009 [4 favorites]

I don't get it? Why is MetaFilter mocking an internet stranger about his webpage? Is there some more "meta" aspect that I'm unaware of?
posted by KokuRyu at 4:01 PM on October 1, 2009

As a sysadmin, I would like to know more about this "Goddess of Backup."
posted by Pronoiac at 4:01 PM on October 1, 2009 [17 favorites]

However this all plays out, I just hope no one murders anyone else in this scenario. All this "Divine Protection" business sounds sorta like bunker-talk to me and all his Goddess Qualifications sound impossible to live up to. Hopefully Mark just has Isolation Poisoning that'll get dialed back once he gets back into the human contact game. Hopefully he won't take it too hard when he finds out his Goddess is human after all.

Actually, that's my general hope for most real-life situations: No murder. No murder-suicides. No manslaughter, even.
posted by EatTheWeak at 4:04 PM on October 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

Actually, that's my general hope for most real-life situations: No murder. No murder-suicides. No manslaughter, even.

I'd like to additionally hope for no bankruptcy inducing fraud, but as I indicated above, I'm very dubious that anyone would answer the poor man's website in a serious way unless they were a con-person of some variety, especially considering that she's in Europe. I hope it in fact works out happily for them, like you, but I'm pretty much expecting him to lose everything. I guarantee he paid for at least part, and probably all, of her trip to Los Angeles.
posted by Caduceus at 4:18 PM on October 1, 2009

You know, you've got to give the guy credit for knowing what he wants. And putting that out in the universe.

But I'm not sure how he could have all of these criteria and at the same time imply that he isn't being controlling - though perhaps on a planet of 6 billion it stands to reason that there are a few women out there who really, naturally do just fit the description, and could also be into him.
posted by anitanita at 4:19 PM on October 1, 2009

Accepting backup replies? How romantic.

Well, it just goes to show...
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:20 PM on October 1, 2009

That is a very odd personal ad. I'm glad he's found some happiness, though.

One point of note: "Huge heart that loves unconditionally." I'm pretty sure that word does not mean what he thinks it means.

Accepting backup replies? How romantic.

Considering how many criteria his "goddess" needs to meet, I'm pretty sure romance isn't exactly a high priority for him.
posted by zarq at 4:20 PM on October 1, 2009

It's less the loneliness and more the everything else.

Yeah, online dating is almost a billion dollar industry in the US alone, and it's second to pornography in terms of paid content on the Internet. There is no shortage of people on the Internet who are looking for a date. The reason why the site is funny is that it goes overboard on some of the worst personal ad tendencies (too much detail, weird requirements, crazy rants on unrelated topics, etc.). A lot of people have had hopelessly specific and weird requirements for a potential partner, and some of those people have ended up finding someone right for them one way or another, but not many of them have done it so publicly.
posted by burnmp3s at 4:24 PM on October 1, 2009

Ah, he's a keeper fer sure! Lucky girl, uh, lady, er...merry prankster!
posted by snsranch at 4:25 PM on October 1, 2009

I honestly think metafilter may have brought these two kids together.

Then we'll be to blame if they decide to breed.
posted by jonmc at 4:34 PM on October 1, 2009

"which is one of the objectives of my Global Vision."

Sorry, that's something that comic book villains say.

(Thinking that might be one of the reasons I never succeeded in business.)
posted by klangklangston at 5:07 PM on October 1, 2009

I still have not had the "MeFi spouses" talk with Mrs. Everichon.

Hey! Hey! I got to Brandon Blatcher first, you here?! All the rest of you fucking concubine strumpets can wait in line!

just because, you know, who makes jokes about The Good Earth anymore?
posted by Navelgazer at 5:09 PM on October 1, 2009

I really love that someone has found love, but backup... goddesses? Not a huge fan of that.
posted by kate blank at 5:10 PM on October 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

Baby's got backup.
posted by telstar at 5:14 PM on October 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

If she has been a prostitute, that is GOOD!! We can discuss it at length.

I am so regretting missing this link the first time around. The snark is backing up and oozing out my pores. It's not pretty.

Good for him. Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.

His loneliness: Definitely not funny. His strategy for resolving it: Hilarious.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 5:18 PM on October 1, 2009 [4 favorites]

Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.

A lonely guy walks into a bar. He drinks until they cut him off. No one talks to him but the bartender, who pretty much ignores him, too. He stumbles home, and falls asleep on the couch in front of the TV. Every night.

"I should have just let them kill me," Hitler thinks to himself.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:48 PM on October 1, 2009 [4 favorites]

Mr. Obama is probably the smoothest, most "convincing" puppet they have yet installed into the White House (the liberals got massively hypnotized and duped).... but if you look carefully you can see Obama's subtly camouflaged marionette strings. VERY scary. (Five of my African-American friends—three women and two men—agree with me on this.)
posted by drjimmy11 at 6:02 PM on October 1, 2009

I sure would like to know all of the details about the goddess he found.
posted by Daddy-O at 6:16 PM on October 1, 2009

God-damn Mary Magedalene was smokin'.
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:17 PM on October 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.

It isn't, but then, some people are lonely for a reason.
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:20 PM on October 1, 2009

Good for him. Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.

Well, if he's happy with the publicity and pleased with the outcome, I'm going to take him at his word. I could be way off base here, but I tend to get the feeling a guy like this is smart enough to know what level of ridicule he signed up for by putting it all out there. Maybe 10 years ago a case could be made for someone being oblivious to possible negative reaction.

There's plenty of lonely people on the internet. He wasn't singled out because he's lonely, but because he's a big bag of contradictory hammers and is oblivious to this fact.

I removed the lonely and solonely tags, even though I think this was an inside reference to the Akon song, and not a personal attack.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:24 PM on October 1, 2009

She's going to take him for everything he has.

Which I think is pretty much nothing, despite his big talk. As I dug around the website, it seemed to me that his Giant Business Empire was largely imaginary.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:34 PM on October 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

He might not get taken; he might have just found someone as out there as he is. It happens. That guy who dresses up like Peter Pan, down in Florida, he's got somebody. Still, reading that website, the following dialogue comes to mind:

Jack Scagnetti: I want you to kiss me and squeeze my nipple.
Mallory: You're so specific.

posted by adipocere at 6:46 PM on October 1, 2009

It isn't, but then, some people are lonely for a reason.

Still, putting up innocuous websites looking for one's soulmate sure beats quietly building up enough hate and crazy to go shoot up a gym.

I delete most negative replies without response. But some negative replies are FUNNY, and after my friends and I finish laughing at them, I occasionally reply just for fun! If you feel compelled to direct ridicule at me, go ahead and see if you are LUCKY enough to get a reply from me! LOL. Please be advised, however, that your ridiculous ridicule cannot touch my happiness.

Cat's okay in my book.
posted by nanojath at 6:55 PM on October 1, 2009 [4 favorites]

I have seen BDSM websites (both male and female) that are far, far worse than this guy's.
posted by desjardins at 8:03 PM on October 1, 2009

Am I the only one that wonders if this guy is getting together with a mefite? I mean, this guy is plugging along at 150 visitors a month for a year, then everichon makes his post, and less than 3 months later he's found his Goddess.

So who spoused him? Confess.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:05 PM on October 1, 2009

I missed the original post concerning Mark Emerson.

Loved this part of his website:

Extremely passionate tantra master who does not ejaculate (except on rare occasions). Stay fully hard through multiple male orgasms without ejaculating. Can and will genuinely DELIVER "so many times you lose count," as stated above. Vasectomy (but I can have it reversed).
posted by jayder at 8:22 PM on October 1, 2009

I, for one, had tears in my eyes when I found out he made his match. There is hope for everyone.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:28 PM on October 1, 2009

Good for them both, I guess. Yay?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:35 PM on October 1, 2009

Like other people said, it warms my heart to think that maybe there's someone out there for everybody.
posted by box at 8:43 PM on October 1, 2009

I wish nothing but the best for dude and his goddess.
posted by box at 8:44 PM on October 1, 2009

I never trust anybody who refers to himself as a visionary.

That being said, the only people I've met that have described themselves as visionaries (on their LinkedIn profiles, no less) are male.

She's going to take him for everything he has.

If she does, it's because he deserves it. I hope she takes his dustbuster, his blender, and his cat if she leaves him. Everything and everybody deserves some semblance of normal. All this guy needs is some humility and touch of reality.
posted by anniecat at 8:50 PM on October 1, 2009

Metafilter: a big bag of contradictory hammers

Good luck to them.
posted by lysdexic at 9:52 PM on October 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

as long as she leaves his amplifier.
posted by From Bklyn at 11:58 PM on October 1, 2009 [4 favorites]

In the original thread, honest knave links to his revolutionary business plan. Home page has stuff like "Minimum donation to endear AngelBase Hearts: $540 (US)". It appears his revolutionary business plan is owned by a church he's set up and he takes donations, not investments.

Also;
The Legacy of the Angels has no "legal embodiment". Its embodiment is entirely spiritual. It is unincorporated and owns no property. All of the tangible affairs of The Legacy of the Angels are carried out by its Angelic Realms and its Angelic Missions.

The Angelic Realms are corporations sole, incorporated in Nevada. Holy Realm of Surrendered Service is an Angelic Realm of The Legacy of the Angels. One of the main jobs of the Angelic Realms is to organize and manage Sacred Industrial Projects, such as AngelBase. The Chief Angel is in charge of the Angelic Realms.

So I'm all over this, right? Onto the Angelbase page where it says "hey, join up" and so I click and get "Could not connect to database: Access denied for user 'angelbasesqluser'@'216.119.125.136' (using password: YES)"

He forgot to bring his database into the LIGHT.
posted by Salmonberry at 12:21 AM on October 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

Actually, cancel my "it appears his revolutionary" statement ...the more I read and try to figure this out, the more confused I get. He could be the most responsible businesperson ever and a mad genius....or, something else. I'm feeling a little dizzy now.
posted by Salmonberry at 12:25 AM on October 2, 2009

I've never heard anybody complain about how Ralph takes it.

Ralph doesn't take anything. Ralph just dishes it out.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:42 AM on October 2, 2009

However, she lives in Europe so we have a distance problem.

My money is on Eastern Europe. I've had email from those women too.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:46 AM on October 2, 2009 [2 favorites]

Good for him. Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.

Good for him. Making fun of people for being lonely is not so great. I think that is different from making fun of people who claim that they are about to become a billionaire by transforming;
Computers
Science
Arts and Entertainment
Prisons
and Taxation into the LIGHT. (While providing Destiny Support.)


I used to think that I had high standards when it came to dating, but I never expected that, "She believes what I'm saying is coming from God."

Also, she should be a BRAVE former prostitute and have and have good posture.
Must have a trim waistline. No exceptions.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 1:35 AM on October 2, 2009

What I honestly don't get is why he's wanting a backup. I mean, shouldn't there really be enough of him to satisfy multiple women?

The webpage I'd really love to see would be his ex-wife's.

And that Angelbase page...I'd rather "invest" my money with Bernie Madoff.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:56 AM on October 2, 2009

Sites like this make me very sad...for myself, because I'm single and I don't think I'm nearly as crazy as the people who find love with those insane websites.
posted by xingcat at 5:50 AM on October 2, 2009 [3 favorites]

as long as she leaves his amplifier.

As I understand it, that wire and wood won't do him any good.
posted by namewithoutwords at 6:01 AM on October 2, 2009

"They'd spoil another couple..."
posted by Solomon at 6:27 AM on October 2, 2009

As we say in the South, there's a lid for every pot.
posted by orrnyereg at 7:35 AM on October 2, 2009

EatTheWeak : Actually, that's my general hope for most real-life situations: No murder. No murder-suicides. No manslaughter, even.

Why does everyone insist on setting the bar so freakin' high? How are we supposed to have fun at meetups if everyone keeps imposing these damn stupid restrictions all the time...
posted by quin at 8:45 AM on October 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is one of those situations where I can't stop wondering what would this person have done before the Internet and where this energy would have manifested itself.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:01 AM on October 2, 2009

Before the Internet, instead of displaying their uniqueness at great length on websites, guys like Mark would go out with unsuspecting non-Goddess-material women and typically not get around to revealing the majesty of their Huge Global Vision until . . . oh, usually the third date, over dessert and coffee.

That'll put you right off your tiramisu, lemmetellya.
posted by FelliniBlank at 9:15 AM on October 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

Sites like this make me very sad...for myself, because I'm single and I don't think I'm nearly as crazy as the people who find love with those insane websites.

Oh honey bucko, you don't want the kind of love he is attracting, trust me.

This is one of those situations where I can't stop wondering what would this person have done before the Internet and where this energy would have manifested itself.

In college I used to be a freelance typist. One of my jobs was for a horrifically creepy guy who was writing a book using Biblical quotes to support his idea that children should be introduced to sex by older- much older- people. One time this puffy, sweaty 50-something maggot with his terrible comb-over showed up at my apartment with his girlfriend. She was close to his age, had long unwashed greasy black hair and sat on the couch drinking her can of beer while wordlessly waiting for him. Fortunately she was able to keep herself entertained by belching. Loudly. Those two love birds were a match made in heaven because no one else on earth could possibly be attracted to them.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:16 AM on October 2, 2009 [2 favorites]

Good for him. Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.
posted by jessamyn at 3:14 PM on October 1

I don't think he'd be so lonely if he weren't a overbearing, controlling, misogynist lunatic who looks like the unholy fragile-X offspring of Warren Jeffs and Jared from Subway.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 9:40 AM on October 2, 2009 [6 favorites]

'Destiny Support" doesn't sound like a bad thing. I just wouldn't buy it from this guy.
posted by dortmunder at 9:46 AM on October 2, 2009

I don't think he'd be so lonely if he weren't a overbearing, controlling, misogynist lunatic with delusions of grandeur.

FTFY. Although I don't find his self-presentation or sense of style attractive (pleated pants paired with sandals and a would-be jaunty hat are not the way to the Sidhedevil's heart), I know lots of really pleasant guys who look like that who have sweet, lovely partners.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:49 AM on October 2, 2009

Yeah, it's really not the lonely thing. I've been rereading this dude's site since this MeTa reminded me of it and remember what a shrieking bag of creepy Mark is. I'm still convinced that he's not at all interested in an actual human woman - Mark wants a femmebot, not a person for his partner. The list Optimus Chyme began and that Sidhedevil amended sums up my reaction to him pretty well. He claims he wants an independent woman while at the same time dictating what length her hair should be, that his GLOBAL VISION must enthrall her and that the only messes permissible in her home are those caused by small children. Ick. Ickickick.

Also: I'm not a pet person. Physical contact with animals (especially dogs) drains my energy. That's cause dogs can smell creeps, dude! They're onto you!

Maybe this is just Isolation Poisoning, but this might also be a terminal case.
posted by EatTheWeak at 10:11 AM on October 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

This one time at camp, I totally fucked this Canadian chick. She's probably going to visit me sometime.

So you're saying you wish we could meet your girlfriend, your girlfriend who lives in Canada?
posted by alasdair at 2:24 PM on October 2, 2009

It's all a bit weird really, but the I-will-make-you-impervious-to-physical-harm schtik really bothers me. Whatever, it's not my life and I hope he's happy with whoever he's with.
posted by scrutiny at 2:33 PM on October 2, 2009

I don't get it? Why is MetaFilter mocking an internet stranger about his webpage?

"If you have to ask, you'll never know."
posted by Lutoslawski at 4:35 PM on October 2, 2009

Making fun of lonely people is not so great actually.

Wow. Nobody's making fun of him for being lonely, they're making fun of him for coming off as a self-aggrandizing jerk. Or are you saying the fact that he's lonely should shield him from any mockery?
posted by hifiparasol at 5:28 PM on October 2, 2009

I kinda take the above two quoted questions a bit personally, since I refocused the spotlight on this kook (but for the record all spite/hatred/snark should really be directed at everichon). I kid!

I wasn't making fun of the guy for the fact that he was lonely. In fact, rereading his whole site I can't imagine anyone coming away with the impression that this guy is lonely. If you forced me, at gunpoint, to come up with a shitload of adjective to describe this guy, lonely wouldn't make it in the top 100!

Mark never uses this word, and I just don't see him as lonely.

And as far as mocking a stranger...I'm sorry, but once I know how you have sex (and for how long), what you want in a woman, and that you think our President is a subtle puppet, well, I don't consider you a stranger.

And if I thought you were a total nutter...I'd probably still give you a pass, but this guy is mould in my book, and needs the light of day shined on him.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:41 PM on October 2, 2009

If you forced me, at gunpoint, to come up with a shitload of adjective to describe this guy, lonely wouldn't make it in the top 100!

The the lonely and solonely tags you chose to add to this post were a little strange.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:52 PM on October 2, 2009

Most of the tags were cut and pasted from the original post, and once you objected I removed the ones that offended you pretty promptly. I don't think the original post was going after Mark for being lonely. I took it as a joke, which is why I repeated it.

I did add the OMG and fedora tags, but I have to admit, the fedora is the one thing I have in common with this guy. I'd consider it a secret shame, but I like these hats. I don't care what the rest of metafilter says...fedoras are cool!
posted by cjorgensen at 8:03 PM on October 2, 2009