sack, some rope, a couple rocks and a pond

November 6, 2009 6:07 AM

The display of the second-to-last related question here is absolutely fantastic.
posted by Mayor Curley to MetaFilter-Related at 6:07 AM (85 comments total)

Heh. Nice.
posted by amro at 6:10 AM on November 6, 2009

Oh my.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:11 AM on November 6, 2009

Um...has something been fixed, or am I just slow this morning?
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:16 AM on November 6, 2009

Related Questions

Baby eczema September 18, 2009
So what do they feed kids in other countries, anyway? January 21, 2009
Tell me everything you know about infant formula! September 20, 2008
How Do I Ethically Dispose of Unneeded Infant... March 12, 2008
99 bottles of breastmilk down the drain January 6, 2007
posted by gman at 6:16 AM on November 6, 2009 [7 favorites]

Oh!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:19 AM on November 6, 2009

since that thread is now closed, perhaps post your answers here.
posted by gman at 6:20 AM on November 6, 2009

Thanks for tacking on a dead baby joke, those are always funny in the morning.
posted by bunnycup at 6:37 AM on November 6, 2009

Who's the sicko that's going to end up linking to Smackfu's masterpiece in here? Cause I'm not going to do it.
posted by dirtdirt at 6:37 AM on November 6, 2009

First, be smart from the very beginning...
posted by bondcliff at 6:37 AM on November 6, 2009 [11 favorites]

Who's the sicko that's going to end up linking to Smackfu's masterpiece in here? Cause I'm not going to do it.
posted by dirtdirt at 6:37 AM on November 6

That was scarabic, actually.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 6:42 AM on November 6, 2009

Whoops! Thanks!

damn S names.
posted by dirtdirt at 6:54 AM on November 6, 2009

Wow, first use of the 'babby' tag.
posted by box at 6:56 AM on November 6, 2009

That was scarabic, actually.

I am so disappointed right now.
posted by smackfu at 6:59 AM on November 6, 2009

I am so disappointed right now.

I promise I'll be right there with you
When you paint your masterpiece
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:00 AM on November 6, 2009 [5 favorites]

Irish stew.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:23 AM on November 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Cortex is smooth like a rhapsody.
posted by Sailormom at 7:30 AM on November 6, 2009

Tastes like chicken?
posted by cestmoi15 at 7:31 AM on November 6, 2009

Screenshot. Failblog. That's all I'm saying -- someone else can take the glory.
posted by lleachie at 7:39 AM on November 6, 2009

Oh jeez. I've been sitting here for about 5 minutes completely confused, even with gman's explanation. This is what I get for reading MetaTalk before I finish my coffee.
posted by Kimberly at 7:49 AM on November 6, 2009

Actually it's pretty easy, because these babby can't frigth back.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 8:11 AM on November 6, 2009 [8 favorites]

Two words:
MeFi Swap
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:17 AM on November 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Nobody puts babby in the coroners!
posted by WinnipegDragon at 8:19 AM on November 6, 2009 [39 favorites]

How many unneeded babbys could you take?
posted by blue_beetle at 8:34 AM on November 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Okay. Awkward.
posted by chinston at 8:35 AM on November 6, 2009

Who's the sicko that's going to end up linking to scarabic's masterpiece in here? Cause I'm not going to do it.

But there are some differences between that answer and the question of Ethically Disposing of Unneeded Infant. The former is about a dead body, probably assuming a juvenile or adult for disposal. With an infant, you probably don't need to go through all those steps for an infant, because there's a lower chance that the baby had any dental records (let alone any teeth), and tiny fingers make it harder to leave fingerprints of any consequence. And the smaller size means more places you can simply hide the corpse, letting nature do it's magic and hoping time will erase the clues for you. Another difference is the word "ethical" - are we talking about not upsetting religious practices or disturbing social norms? The question is a bit vague.

And lastly, you all are sick monsters for assuming that the baby is dead and needs to be "disappeared." Maybe someone wanted a pleasant way to give the infant to a loving, supportive family who could give the child everything it needs for a chance in this cold, cruel world. Is it ethical to "ding-dong-ditch" the baby on a church doorstep, or leave it for rich relatives (who, recently lost their own child, tragically enough) to find? Is adoption that ethical in all situations?
posted by filthy light thief at 8:51 AM on November 6, 2009

First, be smart from the very beginning. Give all the teeth to the tooth fairy. That will earn you a few extra bucks. Burn any extra baby shower invitations you have left, and disfigure the Fisher Price playset. Clean up any drool, poop and/or vomit lying around. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes that) might introduce a legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. They would have to check their infant offender database for matches. An unidentified body can, in a pinch, be dressed in hand-me downs and dropped in an inflatable backyard pool somewhere where the police will be less likely to question it. I don't recommend that disposal method, I'm just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.
posted by battlebison at 8:51 AM on November 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'd actually like to not go too far down this road if it's okay with everyone.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:54 AM on November 6, 2009 [6 favorites]

Horace Rumpole: Irish stew.

This is just to say
posted by shakespeherian at 8:55 AM on November 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

First, be smart from the very beginning...

*KiffKaff*
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:05 AM on November 6, 2009

I would put the child in a balloon but then IT TURNS OUT THE CHILD WASN'T IN THE BALLOON.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:09 AM on November 6, 2009 [4 favorites]

I'm pretty sure Swift took care of this issue in 1729.
posted by haveanicesummer at 9:34 AM on November 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

Irish stew.

Sing rickity-tickity-tin!
posted by Melismata at 9:37 AM on November 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

redux:

you can't fuck a rock
microwave
doritos
a pitchfork
an erection
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:53 AM on November 6, 2009

jessamyn: I'd actually like to not go too far down this road if it's okay with everyone.

   ||
   /\
  /  \
 /    \
/ ROAD \
\CLOSED/
 \    /
  \  /
   \/
   ||
   ||
   ||

posted by FishBike at 9:54 AM on November 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

jessamyn: I'd actually like to not go too far down this road if it's okay with everyone.

Yeah, sadly the jokes write themselves and are too easy, so maybe people will let it go as low hanging fruit.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:15 AM on November 6, 2009

I was more thinking "jokes about dead babies don't go over so well here, so maybe people could have a heart" instead.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:19 AM on November 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

      ||
     /  \
  ==)    (==
 ==) ROAD (==
 ==) OPEN (==
  ==)    (==
    \    /
     \  /
      ||
      ||
      ||

posted by davejay at 10:24 AM on November 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

Let me please point out that I just about posted a link to dead baby joke dot com ... but I didn't.

Does this make me a better a person, or have I just failed that by bothering to even mention this? Would this be a good AskMe?

By the way, I just saw Where The Wild Things Are, and I suddenly can't look at small children (babies on up) without being amazed. So much going on. Great movie.
posted by philip-random at 11:01 AM on November 6, 2009

I'd actually like to not go too far down this road if it's okay with everyone.

Sorry.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:02 AM on November 6, 2009

      ||
     /  \
  ==)    (==
 ==)GOATSE(==
 ==) AHEAD(==
  ==)    (==
    \    /
     \  /
      ||
      ||
      ||

posted by special-k at 11:30 AM on November 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

WinnipegDragon you . ...absolute ....fucker
posted by The Whelk at 11:41 AM on November 6, 2009

Goatse jokes? That's humor I can get behind.
posted by Saydur at 11:45 AM on November 6, 2009

hmmmm... there are some comments which are not_on_display anymore.
posted by gman at 12:13 PM on November 6, 2009

Goatse jokes? That's humor I can get behind.

I think that is stretching it.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 12:34 PM on November 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

Goatse jokes? That's humor I can get behind.

I think that is stretching it.

Try not to be huge assholes, OK?
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:39 PM on November 6, 2009 [4 favorites]

you are so fuckin' anal.
posted by gman at 12:47 PM on November 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

butts lol.

i hate myself so much right now
posted by The Whelk at 12:51 PM on November 6, 2009

Well, I guess you could just put the baby in there.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:50 PM on November 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

I'd actually like to not go too far down this road if it's okay with everyone.

Seriously. Babies are sooooo gross.
posted by loquacious at 2:44 PM on November 6, 2009

The infant-[bottle]-disposing AskMe is further notable for the snide, useless, petty premise-questioning. I'll keep that one in mind next time someone complains about that phenomenon.
posted by palliser at 3:12 PM on November 6, 2009

I get why that's supposed to be funny but it's not.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:21 PM on November 6, 2009

I get why that's supposed to be funny but it's not.

Thank God! I've been looking for an arbiter of taste. Please tell me absolutely what I should be laughing at.
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:34 PM on November 6, 2009

Happy to be of assistance. I can also provide judgment on shoes, hair styles, and boyfriends.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:38 PM on November 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Try not to be huge assholes, OK?

I think you need to have a good, hard look, deep inside yourself.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:37 PM on November 6, 2009

Anus.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:59 PM on November 6, 2009

Butt
posted by The Whelk at 5:00 PM on November 6, 2009

Cheeks.

Derriere.

End.

srsly do I have to do this myself?
posted by The Whelk at 5:05 PM on November 6, 2009

Fanny.
posted by gman at 5:12 PM on November 6, 2009

Fanny.

Glutes.

Heiny.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:13 PM on November 6, 2009

It. As in Hitting.
posted by The Whelk at 5:15 PM on November 6, 2009

I wonder if Sir Mix-a-Lot has ever been goatsed.
posted by qvantamon at 5:16 PM on November 6, 2009

Inadvertent dead baby jokes + (Goatse jokes)(ASCII illustrations) + Lots of Ass-Related Puns = joyous ME!

Thanks everybody for making my night, if not my November. I really appreciate you lowering the bar of the typical discourse around here just as an early birthday present for little old me.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:17 PM on November 6, 2009

Goatsestiltskin isn't as good a fairy tale as you might think.
posted by haveanicesummer at 7:23 PM on November 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Junk-in-the-trunk
posted by yhbc at 7:52 PM on November 6, 2009

Kiester.
posted by yhbc at 7:52 PM on November 6, 2009

Keister?
posted by yhbc at 7:53 PM on November 6, 2009

Low-Rider Reason.
posted by The Whelk at 8:32 PM on November 6, 2009

Keister?


I hardly know er..
posted by aubilenon at 8:34 PM on November 6, 2009

the latin for goatse is anus horribilis
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:12 PM on November 6, 2009

the latin for goatse is anus horribilis

I thought that was Glenn Beck's nickname in college.
posted by davejay at 10:25 PM on November 6, 2009

Did people think "dead" when they read "unneeded infant" before the context of this thread? Because it strikes me that the humour in not "needing" an infant is in the image of trying to get rid of a live baby as though it were an object, and in what possible "need" for an infant could be so temporary as to expire within a few months. I didn't make any connection with death until reading the comments in the thread.
posted by carmen at 6:27 AM on November 7, 2009

Because it strikes me that the humour in not "needing" an infant is in the image of trying to get rid of a live baby as though it were an object

Yeah, that's the what I was thinking, as in:

Slap some stamps on that sucker and pop it in the nearest mailbox
Tie a few balloons on and watch your troubles float away
Pretend you bought it at Nordstroms-- they accept all returns, no questions asked
Hand it out on Halloween to one of those trick-or-treating adults
Find a good sized nest, replace the eggs and any hatchlings, wait to make sure the adult birds are fooled into raising it as one of their own.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:06 AM on November 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wow. That's my question.
posted by anastasiav at 7:14 AM on November 7, 2009

I was wondering when you'd show up to defend it.
posted by gman at 7:20 AM on November 7, 2009

Wow. That's my question.

If you still have it, my folks will probably take it. They'll meet you in the parking lot of the Yarmouth Hannaford's for the hand-off.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:43 AM on November 7, 2009

I was wondering when you'd show up to defend it.

As the one who complained about the AskMe thread itself, I just want to clarify that I was criticizing the jerky answers, not anastasiav.

Also tuchus.
posted by palliser at 9:11 AM on November 7, 2009

bum
posted by Sys Rq at 9:39 AM on November 7, 2009

There's already an alphabet game of orifices over at Lewistate's dissertation thread. Y'know, if you need MOAR BUTTS. LOL.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:12 AM on November 7, 2009

Y'know, if you need MOAR BUTTS. LOL.
posted by grapefruitmoon

Ahem.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:20 AM on November 7, 2009

Y'know, if you need MOAR BUTTS. LOL.
posted by grapefruitmoon

Ahem.

Damnit.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:12 AM on November 7, 2009

Thanks for the yucks, but this thread has really hit bottom. I mean, it's just ass-tired. I could go on. I won't go on.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:13 PM on November 7, 2009

Guess what?
posted by davejay at 5:34 PM on November 7, 2009

what?
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:40 PM on November 7, 2009

That's what.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:02 PM on November 7, 2009

Chicken butt.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:16 PM on November 7, 2009