"Mom, Dad -- why did Metafilter name me ----- ?" December 14, 2009 9:26 AM   Subscribe

So, this AskMe got me thinking about this and this.

What did all of you MeFites asking for baby name help end up naming your babies?
posted by zizzle to MetaFilter-Related at 9:26 AM (183 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

Snowflake. Well, that's her middle name, but we use it as a nickname.
posted by so_gracefully at 9:40 AM on December 14, 2009


Knowshon
posted by Zambrano at 10:04 AM on December 14, 2009


I went to HS with a girl who was somehow a hardline conservative even though she was the offspring of some wild hippies.

Her true middle name, and we stole her license one day to verify it, was "Crunchy." Not kidding.

Soon after that she stopped talking to all of us, including the guy she was making out with when we stole her license. I think she because some corporate lawyer or something.
posted by TomMelee at 10:04 AM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Yeah, well she probably thinks YOU because some corporate lawyer too!
posted by ORthey at 10:12 AM on December 14, 2009 [9 favorites]


I went to college with a woman who grew up on an herb farm in Iowa, whose parents gave her siblings and her all different hippie-ish last names, etc (I loved her name, actually, first and last). She ended up, despite not actually graduating from high school if I recall, getting a 4.0 in Econ (no small feat at this particular school), getting an MBA at Stanford, etc.
posted by Pax at 10:16 AM on December 14, 2009


Very clever trick by her parents, to get her to rebel into high-achievement.
posted by msalt at 10:26 AM on December 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


I've named my unborn children Normal, Khamir, Doctor, and Grandma (after my mom's mom, who passed recently). Thanks Yahoo! Answers!
posted by carsonb at 10:42 AM on December 14, 2009 [11 favorites]


My officemate has strange cousins. Their older two sons are named Anakin and Elessar. These two (aged 5 and 2) were allowed to name their little brother, and they chose Doctor.
posted by jacalata at 10:49 AM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Coincidentally, Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a boy today. Welcome to the world, Mason Dash Disick.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:53 AM on December 14, 2009


The first child I shall name Siegfried. The second: Roy.
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 10:55 AM on December 14, 2009


Ta-Nehisi Coates has an interesting set of posts about a related topic.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 10:57 AM on December 14, 2009


Datapoint: I have a weird (for my location in time and space) middle name, and my kids will be getting weird names - makes you STRONG, J Cash & S Silverstein were right (also easier to find on the internets)
posted by jtron at 10:58 AM on December 14, 2009


The first child I shall name Siegfried. The second: Roy.

The third shall be Tiger!
posted by Crabby Appleton at 10:59 AM on December 14, 2009 [3 favorites]


My middle name is Alf.

Not related to the TV show, sadly.
posted by Grither at 11:02 AM on December 14, 2009


I recently found out that one of my exes gifted his son with the fabulous name of Ieuen - apparently because of his love of some kind of vampire clan roleplaying game where they all hung out on campus, leaped at each other from behind trees, and spoke in very carefully crafted spooky accents.

Now that was a narrow escape.
posted by HopperFan at 11:06 AM on December 14, 2009


Ieuen

Pronunciation guide, please?
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 11:10 AM on December 14, 2009


All answers have been flagged for not answering the quest...oh, this is MeTa.
posted by desuetude at 11:16 AM on December 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


I had exactly the same reaction, desuetude.
posted by ocherdraco at 11:17 AM on December 14, 2009


It's supposed to be "YIGH yan", but I'm sure he fucked that up, just like everything else, including my car.

Yes I hold a small burning coal of bitterness in my soul
posted by HopperFan at 11:18 AM on December 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


I recently found out that one of my exes gifted his son with the fabulous name of Ieuen - apparently because of his love of some kind of vampire clan roleplaying game where they all hung out on campus, leaped at each other from behind trees, and spoke in very carefully crafted spooky accents.

Huh. Weird. I'm pretty sure I played that game in high school (I'm guessing Vampire: The Masquerade?), and I have no recollection of what that name is in reference to.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 11:20 AM on December 14, 2009


My cousins are Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Their sister is Anita.
posted by fixedgear at 11:20 AM on December 14, 2009 [6 favorites]


I think it may have been the name he chose for his character. Or something.
posted by HopperFan at 11:21 AM on December 14, 2009


I think it may have been the name he chose for his character. Or something.

Heh. I should name one of the eventual spawn "Clutch Nightshade," which was my character.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 11:22 AM on December 14, 2009


Heh. I should name one of the eventual spawn "Clutch Nightshade," which was my character.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi


Dear lord nooooo. But that, definitely, is the name of my next pet.

I found a funny story relating to roleplaying baby names:

"Why Role-Players Shouldn't Be Allowed to Breed.

Joey, an old junior-high friend of mine, became a mother at age 19. Now, Joey's full name is Joaleane (instead of the random 'y,' it's the attack of the random 'a'), so you'd think she'd know a thing or two about bad baby names. But no. Joey named her baby after her Vampire: The Masquerade roleplaying character and her favorite movie character.

Joey's little girl is named Kailis (pronounced KAY-liss) Trinity.

Star Trek fans out there are snickering already. Let me explain why:

On Star Trek, the name of the Klingons' God is Kahless--also pronounced KAY-liss. Joey, who only watched Star Trek back in junior high (and never paid that much attention anyway), couldn't figure out why the guys at the local RPG/comic store kept laughing and asking her if she was a Star Trek fan every time she'd mention her daughter's name. When I finally informed her that she'd named her daughter the Klingon equivalent of "Jesus," she just stared at me for five minutes and then groaned, "I am a terrible mother, aren't I?"

Moral of the story: Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be roleplayers."
posted by HopperFan at 11:25 AM on December 14, 2009 [9 favorites]


I was trying to figure out where Ieuen came from, and it's probably a variant of Ieuan. I had a little aha! moment when I saw that it was Welsh.
posted by TypographicalError at 11:28 AM on December 14, 2009


As anyone can see from my profile, my name is Heather. For refrence, in my fifth grade there were four other Heathers. Growing up when I yelled at my parents for giving me such a trendy name they always told me this great story about how I was named after my dad's Scottish friend's true love and how they'd never heard the name before. This always made me feel a little better. Then, a few years ago said friend came to visit and brought his love.

Her name is Mary.

Me: "You told me I was named after her! You named me after Heather Locklear didn't you?!?"

My Dad: "Huh. Yeah, probably."
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:32 AM on December 14, 2009 [14 favorites]


HopperFan: "Moral of the story: Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be roleplayers"

Or just make sure they also watch Star Trek. DUH.
posted by Plutor at 11:34 AM on December 14, 2009 [6 favorites]


I went to college with a girl named 9. She had a brother, 7.
posted by rtha at 11:35 AM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Not to mention that Kahless the Unforgettable is not a god, he's the first King and Emperor of the Klingon Empire. Talk about poor research.
posted by Plutor at 11:36 AM on December 14, 2009 [4 favorites]


Ieuan is a perfectly good Welsh name.

Pronunciation guide, please?

Rhymes with Ryan, starts with a Y. Yiy-en, more or less.
posted by zamboni at 11:36 AM on December 14, 2009


Listen, I'd take hard and softcore taters, banjos, fedoras, or bacon ANY DAY over a racial slur. Seriously people.
posted by greekphilosophy at 11:36 AM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Good friend of mine has an RPG-related name as well: Shipon 82mm Johnston.
posted by barrett caulk at 11:38 AM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Le-a.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 11:41 AM on December 14, 2009


As I've mentioned elsewhere on MeFi, I was nearly named Amelia Barnswallow, but my mom was suddenly gripped by the fear that I would be called Mealy Mouth (seriously?) for the rest of my life. Instead, she gave me a name that most people spell wrong and shorten without my permission. Oh, and I have my own song, too. Just pretend my name is Scharonah.

So I finally get to the point where my partner and I are talking about kids, and everything's going swimmingly. We've agreed that the names will be mildly unique but gender-specific, easy to spell and pronounce, the works.

Then I realized that a hyphenated last name would be: B-M. Hmph.

(He's got his own set of problems. His legal first name is typically both a nickname and -- these days -- used by girls, but his credit cards have the usual full name on it. And neither he nor the Social Security Administration are sure how to spell his second middle name. We win.)
posted by Madamina at 11:44 AM on December 14, 2009


Not to mention that Kahless the Unforgettable is not a god

Indeed, the Klingons have no gods, having slain them ages ago. They were more trouble than they were worth.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:45 AM on December 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


If only poor Joaleane could have had some MeFi denizens in tight formation behind her to counter the attack of the sneering comic store clerks.
posted by HopperFan at 11:48 AM on December 14, 2009


Ieuan is a perfectly good Welsh name.

Yes, that it is. But this, sir, is a monstrosity.

"Ieuen, Most High Ieuen of the Semiramus"

I changed a couple of the words there to make a vague attempt at privacy, but I think you get the idea.
posted by HopperFan at 11:56 AM on December 14, 2009


"There are 3 ways of naming kids. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way."
posted by blue_beetle at 12:01 PM on December 14, 2009


I named my daughter Pagani Zonda F With The Optional Ceramic Brake Package.
posted by The World Famous at 12:04 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Vivian. 1) Distinctive and elegant. 2) Not teased-to-tears-at-school weird. 3) Also a man's name if she wants to screw with gender bias when she gets older.
posted by Slap*Happy at 12:12 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


I went to college with a woman who grew up on an herb farm in Iowa, whose parents gave her siblings and her all different hippie-ish last names, etc (I loved her name, actually, first and last). She ended up, despite not actually graduating from high school if I recall, getting a 4.0 in Econ (no small feat at this particular school), getting an MBA at Stanford, etc.

I love that her brother's name is actually John Lennon.

You stole my story!
posted by The Straightener at 12:12 PM on December 14, 2009


The third shall be Tiger!

"Watch out when you breastfeed. Kid's a biter."
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:12 PM on December 14, 2009


My father-in-law had the best reaction when we told him our son's name.

"[Three syllable traditional Irish name] James! That sounds like an outlaw!" If he ever decides to become a musician of the Johnny Cash variety, he can drop his last name and have quite the state name.
posted by zizzle at 12:14 PM on December 14, 2009


Umm. STAGE name that was. Yeah. STAGE.
posted by zizzle at 12:14 PM on December 14, 2009


My parents are actually, seriously, honest-to-God named "Dick" and "Jane." And they think it's cute, to the point that they considered naming our dog "Spot" and that my father sometimes jokingly introduced me as "Puff" when we were all at neighbors' parties.

They gave my brother and I fairly normal names -- but even though my parents vehemently deny it, I remain absolutely and unwaveringly convinced that, for at LEAST five minutes, they at least CONSIDERED naming me "Sally," after Dick and Jane's baby sister.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:19 PM on December 14, 2009


I love that her brother's name is actually John Lennon.

You stole my story!


I didn't remember that brother...only the ones with the Franken-lastnames. Yeah, I should have let you have that one, didn't you live with her??
posted by Pax at 12:21 PM on December 14, 2009


My middle name is Metta. With or without the extra "t" it seems like this should be the solution to all MeFites' "What should we name our baby" questions.
posted by radiomayonnaise at 12:27 PM on December 14, 2009 [3 favorites]


I have a friend named John Lennon.

And my paternal grandmother's name actually was "Meta", pronounced "may-tah". Apparently it is a short form of Margaret, of German origin. I think it's very pretty, if a little meta.
posted by Night_owl at 12:36 PM on December 14, 2009


I knew a guy in university whose parents let him choose his middle name when he was a kid (about three, I think). He picked Snuggles. That is the name he went by, and, as far as I know, continues to go by.
posted by carmen at 12:43 PM on December 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


I saw a file come across my desk in one job in which Mr and Mrs Jordan had named their son River.

I mean why don't you just call a kid Golan Heights or West Bank and be done with it
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 12:47 PM on December 14, 2009


I know a couple who gave their daughter the middle name Malign, spelled just that way, but pronounced "Ma-line." To them, it was just a made-up name that sounded trendy. I didn't have the heart to tell them that they named her "evil." I'm sure they know by now.

Because she offered a kitten as a blood sacrifice to Baphomet when she was only 18 months old.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 12:55 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


My maternal grandfather's first and middle names were Garland Kermit. He went by GK. I always liked that.
posted by vronsky at 12:56 PM on December 14, 2009


Surely there's some kid out there named Robert '); DROP TABLE Students .
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:58 PM on December 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


I know a couple who gave their daughter the middle name Malign, spelled just that way, but pronounced "Ma-line."

Erm... as opposed to what?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:09 PM on December 14, 2009 [5 favorites]


Ma Liggin, of course
posted by msalt at 1:12 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


I always thought Debris was a lovely name for a girl.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 1:15 PM on December 14, 2009


My former MeFi username was a family joke about what my father would've named me after a couple more scotch-and-sodas the night I was born (in reality, I was born at 11AM* and my mother had final say over baby names and never would've gone for it). It was considered funny in 1955 for its alliteration and my dad's ability to say it with a bad German accent that sounded more Yiddish. I voluntarily adopted in it in my ingenious (and successful) effort to break into radio by being an easily memorable character when regularly calling in to every non-political, non-sports talk show. I actually dropped it when I left L.A. to run a little automated radio station outside Fresno (which I sadly believed was the future of radio in 1978 and ended up driving me out of the biz and toward computer-based work) and used my real first and middle names, Craig Lee, was a my on-air-name. Then, upon returning to L.A., I discovered that another Craig Lee had become the local papers' preeminent Punk Rock music critic.

I resumed using that other name when I became active on the Intarwebs, but MetaFilter was one of the few places nobody else had already taken it as a user ID. I adopted the punnish and malapropish 'oneswellfoop' as a backup and when MeFi signups opened up, I paid $5 to make sure nobody else became oneswellfoop. When I decided I really needed to outgrow that other name (still work in progress), I was glad I still had this ID as an outlet for my MetaFilterish tendencies (the hardest part of my old persona to quit).

Still, between Web VIP Newmark, Talk Show Genius Ferguson and Daniel-the-new-James-Bond (ignoring Sen. Larry), Craig is a much cooler name than it used to be when I was growing up, but it was still fun that my first cassette recorder had my name on it.

The point? Naming conventions change, considering what was considered kinda weird 54 years ago. But it's still good to have a back-up identity, like Zowie Bowie became Duncan Jones.

* 12 hours before James Dean's car crash on 9/30/1955, so no chance of me being named James Dean Wittler, even if my ultra-square parents had known who he was
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:28 PM on December 14, 2009


I remember Ma Liggin, from my childhood. Rumour about town was that she was a witch, forever rocking on her porch & muttering to herself, occasionally descending into expletives spat out like hiccups: "Cock! Shit! Fuck! Cunt!" she would babble out, audience or not.

It was the greatest test of boyhood courage to try to sneak up on her, although nobody really knew what we'd do once we got close, because not one of us had ever gotten that far. But we still loved to plan these raids: some said they'd grab her tea-brown dentures right out of her mouth & use them to turn their new puppy into a hybrid monster; others boasted that they would lift her seventeen piss-stained skirts, to see if she really did have scaly tentacles instead of legs.

But we never got close. The old hag never seemed to leave the porch, and in her babbling delirium could still somehow tell when any of us kids set foot on her lawn. That was when her grey & flaky claw would extend stealthily towards the button her permanently absent son had ordered installed for her one Christmas.

In an instant, a dozen powerful sprinklers would pop up from the lawn, soaking all but the quickest of us, as we fled in all directions, laughing & screaming at the same time, with a cackling cascade of "Fuck! Wank! Asshole! Fuck!" receding behind us.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:29 PM on December 14, 2009 [3 favorites]


My mother's family has a tradition of naming the first child of a marriage after the father. My grandmother was married twice and had children with each husband. Her first husband (my grandfather) was named Fred, so they duly named their first child, a girl, Freda. Years and a divorce later, the first child of the second marriage was named after her father, Alfred: Alfreda. So then there was a Freda and and an Alfreda in the same family. My dad and we kids all thought this was perpetually hilarious, but my mother (who was for the record the second born in the first marriage) never did, and would snap,"What's so funny about it? They're two different names!"

My dad used to call my cousin Heather "Heather Honey". I grew up assuming it was just a cute, alliterative term of endearment, until one day I was browsing through the Swan family Bible family record pages and found out that Heather's middle name was in fact Honey. And the time my parents went to Scotland they brought back some heather honey. Heather has a sister named Velvet, which everyone I know seems to think is a horrendous name, but I actually rather like it.

I went to school with an April Gale and worked with a Sandy Vallee.
posted by orange swan at 1:33 PM on December 14, 2009


Part of me wishes I had a rare name. But no. It seems that every fourth or so woman on her late thirties is named 'Sara'. Makes it obnoxious whenever I go to a restaurant or coffee shop where they take your name for your latte.

So, my current Latte Name is 'Týr'. (I don't make them write the accent though.)
posted by spinifex23 at 1:33 PM on December 14, 2009


There were three sisters at my elementary school named Spring, Summer, and Winter McFall.
posted by bunnytricks at 1:35 PM on December 14, 2009


i started to refer to my daughter as 'lester' while she was still a zygote. ms. lester quickly adopted it, and we went for several months of pregnancy convincing people that we were really going to name her lester when she came out.
posted by lester's sock puppet at 1:37 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oooh, also my (now following this incident ex-)friends Mark and Lisa Friesz just named their daughter Autumn. It's pronounced exactly how it looks. Freeze.
posted by greekphilosophy at 1:45 PM on December 14, 2009


Fort Devens, MA, circa 1975-6: I was active in the model railroad club on post, where we had a Captain Spock (distantly related to the famous baby doctor/author) and a warrant officer named (I kid you not) James Kirk. (The middle initial was something like R or G, *not* T. Dammit.)

So in our corner of the world it was sort of this odd sounding metaverse where we heard "Captain Spock" and "Mister Kirk" all the time. Jarring.

All that aside:

So we went to name our first daughter about that time, and settled on "Jennifer Lynn", at some length, trying to get something a little different. D'oh! Two months later, my mother-in-law sends us a copy of a newsletter from the International Order of Foresters with an article with the headline "Jennifer Lynn's the name".... detailing about six *other* couples who had named their daughters Jennifer Lynn in the preceding couple of months... completely independently.

You can't win the game, folks.
posted by pjern at 1:49 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Adolf Hitler Campbell.
posted by qvantamon at 1:55 PM on December 14, 2009


Jennyfivetina. JENNYFIVETINA!!!
posted by slogger at 1:56 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


The good thing about being a Hitler is that in the end every discussion is about you.
posted by qvantamon at 1:56 PM on December 14, 2009 [3 favorites]


I've known a Kelly Green and a Heather Grey.

My dad has the best gems, though. He told me the most recent by handing me a piece of paper with this written on it:

La-a

and asking how I would pronounce that name.






















Ladasha, of course.
posted by Pax at 1:58 PM on December 14, 2009


Pax, I guess you didn't see this thread or my reference to it earlier. It's an urban legend.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 2:09 PM on December 14, 2009



Pax, I guess you didn't see this thread or my reference to it earlier. It's an urban
legend.


Hm, that's funny, because he usually doesn't give me second-hand ones, only babies he sees. (he's a clinical teratologist and the chair of the department of pediatrics at a hospital).

I'll have to ask him. I wonder how many others he told me (Unique, Female, etc) were second hand...
posted by Pax at 2:13 PM on December 14, 2009


Don't forget Crystal Shandra Lear, Lemonjello and Orangello. If someone says they know someones cousins wife who went to high school with any of those names, you know they're full of shit.
posted by dead cousin ted at 2:26 PM on December 14, 2009 [3 favorites]


Ok, ok!
posted by Pax at 2:28 PM on December 14, 2009


The good thing about being a Hitler is that in the end every discussion is about you.

The bad thing about being a Wittler* is that in the end every discussion is about Hitler. It was the official childhood taunt of every male of my family.

* especially the no-H German spelling as opposed to the Brittish spelling with an H. In fact, I had distant cousins in Germany who probably got treated better for the name.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:33 PM on December 14, 2009


Well, I knew a real live Crystal Ball. She was pretty good-natured about it, claiming it was better than being named Lucille.

OK, I have teh dumb. What's funny about the -jello names - is there anything here beyond the silliness of jello?
posted by Quietgal at 2:50 PM on December 14, 2009


My mom went to High School with Panda (the sister) and Cocoa (the brother) their last name was Head. Apparently their mom knew they'd get teased no matter what with the last name of Head so she gave them really unique first names.

About the ninth time I heard my mom tell this story (I was about 14) I piped up with:
"At least she didn't name her son Richard."
My mom had never thought of that and just about wet herself laughing. It was my shining moment of teenage wit.

A kid at my High School: Dayton Raper.
posted by TooFewShoes at 3:11 PM on December 14, 2009


Don't forget Crystal Shandra Lear, Lemonjello and Orangello. If someone says they know someones cousins wife who went to high school with any of those names, you know they're full of shit.

What about Ben and Ilene Dover? Next you'll be telling me my cousin didn't go to school with I.P. Freely and Haywood Jublome.
posted by The Bellman at 3:15 PM on December 14, 2009


Mike Hunt?
posted by fixedgear at 3:26 PM on December 14, 2009


I'm really confused by that Kailis story, the moral of which seems to be that naming your kid after your Vampire: The Masquerade character and the main character of The Matrix is fine as long as your kid doesn't accidentally share a name with a Star Trek character. Can anyone shed some light on this?
posted by Ian A.T. at 3:27 PM on December 14, 2009


An old bf of mine was adamant that, should we reproduce [shudder], the offspring would be named Auftyn, regardless of gender. Unsurprisingly, that revelation significantly shortened his bf shelflife. Like I'm going to name a kid a fucking adverb, for god's sake. A preposition, maybe:

"Hi, I'm OverUnderSidewaysDown Blank."
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:45 PM on December 14, 2009


I have personally known a Penny Lane.

And my spouse worked with a Richard Trickle who, yes, insisted on going by "Dick."
posted by misha at 4:13 PM on December 14, 2009


I'm still relieved that I managed to convince my husband that Zucchini wasn't going to work as a name outside of Japan and that Elliot Mason was.
posted by gomichild at 4:23 PM on December 14, 2009 [3 favorites]


My roommate who is sitting next to me laughed hysterically at "Ladasha" - it turns out that he's actually seen this before too, in which the hyphen is pronounced. Ladasha... hee hee.
posted by honeybee413 at 4:28 PM on December 14, 2009


fixedgear: "Mike Hunt"

No lie, that was my junior high algebra teacher.
posted by mindless progress at 4:35 PM on December 14, 2009


And my spouse worked with a Richard Trickle who, yes, insisted on going by "Dick."

The NASCAR driver? Or another one?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:38 PM on December 14, 2009


Speaking of Richards... I've met a Richard Dix that went by Dick, and a Dick Richards. Also, a friend of mine in high school once confided to me that his mother briefly considered naming him Dusty until it was pointed out that his name would've been Dusty Surfus.
posted by neewom at 4:41 PM on December 14, 2009


Dick Power track bike.
posted by fixedgear at 4:50 PM on December 14, 2009


Hey! I asked a variation of this question:

We went with Ravi John.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 4:53 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


I know a couple who gave their daughter the middle name Malign, spelled just that way, but pronounced "Ma-line."

Erm... as opposed to what?


Argh. I wrote that wrong. They pronounced it Ma-lin, with a short A, instead of ma-line.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 4:53 PM on December 14, 2009


I went to summer camp with a friend, Justin Case.
posted by ericb at 5:00 PM on December 14, 2009


My dad was a psychiatrist, and not surprisingly treated an exceptionally high proportion of people with very strange names, including a Sylvester and a Sandy Clause. As he always said, bad parents were good business for him.
posted by bearwife at 5:04 PM on December 14, 2009


My roommate who is sitting next to me laughed hysterically at "Ladasha" - it turns out that he's actually seen this before too

Sigh.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:09 PM on December 14, 2009


A girl at my school was named Chastidy Burns.


My boyfriend's neighbor is named Peter. His dad is named Rod, and Rod's dad is named Dick.
posted by coppermoss at 5:09 PM on December 14, 2009


A girl at my school was named Chastidy Burns.

Ha! I've known a Charity Burns.

And an Anita Johnson.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:11 PM on December 14, 2009


Pater Aletheias: "They pronounced it Ma-lin, with a short A, instead of ma-line"

Malign /ma-line/ has a schwa and a long I. Did they pronounce it with a schwa and a short I, or a short A and a long I, or a short A and a short I? I NEED CLOSURE.
posted by Plutor at 5:21 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


My friend tried to sell me once on the "Le-a" name. She spent a few minutes trying to find paper and a pen to write the name down and spun the whole story about a woman who came in to her work with "Le-a" on her nametag and my friend called her Leah and the woman gave her the smackdown because "just 'cause there's a dash don't mean it's silent!"

I told her that the woman had no right to be so indignant that it was completely reasonable for her name to be mispronounced. After all, I'd have pronounced it "Le-hyphen-a."
posted by lilac girl at 5:23 PM on December 14, 2009


[comment removed - I can not actually believe I have to tell people to not make child rape jokes in this thread but here we go.]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:24 PM on December 14, 2009


announcing the birth of

meatbomb_kuujjuarapik_nog_display
posted by not_on_display at 5:42 PM on December 14, 2009 [2 favorites]


Re: Child rearing: I think I'll probably try to raise my kid fundie or conservative Catholic Christian, just because it seems like all the interesting celebrities and friends of mine were either raised that way and left it, or were raised Jewish.

Consider that Lady Gaga went to Catholic school, and Katy Perry was raised by a pastor who wouldn't let her hear secular music and she used to produce gospel music under her birth name Kate Hudson. Then she went and embarrassed her parents and Jill Souble by releasing a crappy, yet gay-friendlier than average pop song. Even if the music just ends up being one of those mediocre songs they play at middle school dances, it's okay. In my twilight years, I could use the finances from a young starlet to keep me in a good active adult community.

As I'm a liberal Christian, I feel like it's acceptable to do that. Raising a kid Jewish just to get them to be interesting just feels wrong.

Granted, if the crisis of faith doesn't occur, then I've got a preachy kid on my hands who wants to give out Chick tracts at the mall. I guess I could wait until she goes off to college and send the people in the GLBT alliance some cash to recruit her. I hear they're good at that.

Also, I'm not sure how to do the big reveal that I actually think gays are awesome and that I don't think God is so narcissistic that He limits heaven to the people who choose to believe in him and worship him just so. Assuming the child hits it big and runs away to go on tour, I'll probably fake getting mad and not talk to her for a few weeks, then call her up and be like "Surprise! It was all just a joke! Yes! I do mean my parenting style! I never believed half the things I told you! I don't think you're going to Hell at all!"

Also, since she'll just change it anyway, I'll name her Jill or Tiffany or something like that.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:43 PM on December 14, 2009


My father likes to tell the story of his father's middle name. As a child, the explanation he was always given for his father's (admittedly unusual) middle name was that his grandmother, my great-grandmother, had fallen helplessly in love with a character from classic literature and had given his name to her son. Beyond that, however, my dad didn't know the significance or even the origin of his father's middle name until he was in high school, when he had to read the text for an English class.

My grandfather's name was Harold Grendel Cusick.
posted by Captain Cardanthian! at 5:50 PM on December 14, 2009


Holy CRAP, both of mine were just mentioned.

I totally used to play soccer with a Justin Case, and one of the kids in my middle school was Michael Hunt. True story, he was always in trouble, and TRUE STORY we had this battle axe of a vice principal who LOVED to scream his name into the intercom.

MIKE HUNT to the office IMMEDIATELY, Mike HUNT to the OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.

Oh, the lol's.

My mom's a crazy geneologist, she once showed me a birth certificate for a long deceased relative of mine (mid 1800's) named (and I'm sure I'm spelling it incorrectly) Astorpheus Alcibiodese. (Alsi-bio-deze).
posted by TomMelee at 5:59 PM on December 14, 2009


In my high school there were three sisters in different grades, Faith, Hope, and the youngest, in my class, Paula.

My middle name, from an old family tradition, is my mother's maiden name. Which is what banks use as a security word (GRRR!)

My brother-in-law has a friend named Frank Sinatra.
posted by Drasher at 6:00 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


The weirdest name I went to school with was some chick named "cinnamon dollar", which I don't think has any other meaning besides being really strange. I've known several people named Mike Hunt though. I think it's fairly common. But hell, my name is Bob so I don't have a lot of room to complain.
posted by dead cousin ted at 6:23 PM on December 14, 2009


I used to shop at a Kroger grocery store at which my groceries were often bagged by a clerk named Wachovia (apparently, it was a popular name in Georgia).

I no longer shop at that Kroger, but I'm dying to know if she has changed her name to Wells Fargo.
posted by Andy's Gross Wart at 6:25 PM on December 14, 2009 [4 favorites]


rtha! I know Nine!!! She has a daughter named Deka!
posted by serazin at 6:29 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


Andry's Gross Wart, a family friend is named Wells Fargo, and he does indeed bank at Wells Fargo.
posted by barnacles at 6:43 PM on December 14, 2009


I know a Sue Reale and a Jem (short for Jeremy) Stone.
posted by vickyverky at 6:47 PM on December 14, 2009


their intention to name their kids Jesus and Batman

I was almost Bart to my older brother's Brett. Apparently, Dad was a big Maverick fan, but Mom put her foot down.
posted by mediareport at 7:27 PM on December 14, 2009


I had an old co-worker who, with her husband, decided to name her daughter Akira. Apparently her husband remembered the name from a Japanese textbook. They only later A) realized it's a man's name and B) saw the movie. If I had heard the name before the baby was born I would have clued them in, but after the fact there's not much you can do.
posted by Tesseractive at 7:46 PM on December 14, 2009


Right:

* My paternal grandfather's first and middle names were "Revilo Oliver" -- "Revilo" is "Oliver" spelled backwards. He utterly hated it.

* My best friend in kindergarten was a girl named Krishna, who was NOT Hindi and whose parents were NOT hippies. They just liked really unusual names (Krishna was almost named "Dulcinea," after the DON QUIXOTE character, until they saw the name "Krishna" in an article about sled dogs and decided they liked it better). Krishna's brother and sister are Theoden (yes, after the king of Rohan) and Guinnevere. Krishna now has a son and daughter herself, named Daedelus and Portia.

* The absolute most out-there name I ever heard attached to a person I actually and sincerely met was "Cantad Hoopachu Svensgaard." His usual defense for his name was "my parents were hippies, and each one blames the other one." His friends called him "Hoopy."

* Waaaaaay back in my ancestry, I have a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great aunt or something like that who was named "Freelove." And this was during the days when Puritans named their kids after particular virtues they wanted their kids to emulate. So Freelove must have been born to the town courtesan or something.

...Me, if I ever have kids, I'm going to give them fairly traditional-yet-ethnic Irish names like Sean or Meghann or something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:04 PM on December 14, 2009


There's a guy running around here (the military guys have their names on little patches on their jackets) called Dick Strong. Yes, Dick, not Rick or what have you. Hee hee.

I'd say something, but he's either the kind of person who would enjoy that, or he's heard it a zillion times and hates it. Either way, pass.
posted by ctmf at 8:10 PM on December 14, 2009


I'm the youngest of three brothers so missed getting either of my grandad's excellent old-time names as a middle name and ended up with Philip, which I have a horrible suspicion was after the Queen's famously idiot racist consort, though mum denies that vehemently.
posted by Abiezer at 8:10 PM on December 14, 2009


Tesseractive, your old co-worker has nothing to worry about, actually, because Akira is a super common name for boys but can also be used for girls in Japan. I had a classmate in high school named Akira (a girl), and there was a girl Akira in my son's class in kindergarten, too. It's a pretty cool name for a girl, actually.
posted by misozaki at 8:31 PM on December 14, 2009


TomMelee, Alcibiades was a famous Greek guy.

My lineage includes a man whose mother fell in love with Lord Byron's poem Childe Harold's Pilgrimage and named him Childe.

Supposedly there are also distant cousins named Harold and Alexander Weiner, who go by Harry and Sandy.

We have the last name Hall in some parts of our family, and the joke is always whether to name the next kid "Tajma".
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:45 PM on December 14, 2009 [1 favorite]


rtha! I know Nine!!! She has a daughter named Deka!

Metafilter makes this planet even tinier!
posted by rtha at 8:51 PM on December 14, 2009


I have been waiting years to tell this story:

When I was in high school we had an annual event that involved hosting students from other schools at our homes. The club that hosted the event had a member with the last name Weiner and another with the last name Hyman.

The day of the big event, someone got on the PA and said, "May I have your attention please? Everyone who is staying in the Weiner household will be moving to the Hyman household."

I've often wondered if that housing change was made just so that announcement could be made.
posted by brina at 9:15 PM on December 14, 2009


Apparently my parents considered naming me Barbara-Ann, after my mother and great grandmother, so I dodged a bullet on that one. If I ever get a sex change and decide to work in porn, however, I will re-name myself Philip Oliver O'Pennings.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 9:24 PM on December 14, 2009


My maiden name is Nicholls, and I'm told my Mom thought long and hard about giving me the first name Grey. My Dad's response, "Well, why don't we just name her Shiny, then."

They picked something more classic that I've been happy with.
Thank you, Dad!
posted by lilywing13 at 9:52 PM on December 14, 2009


I was recently on a conference panel with a very cool young woman named Unique. Her last name is a fairly common name ending in -son. She's a recent college grad. I wanted to send her a thank you note after the conference, and thought I might find her on Facebook. I typed in "Unique blahblahson" into Facebook and got over 100 results. Not so Unique, as it turns out.
posted by gingerbeer at 10:41 PM on December 14, 2009


Most uniquely named people I have met: three sisters named Season, Story and Toy.
posted by koselig at 1:19 AM on December 15, 2009


I asked on here (I think I did) about suggestions for our son. I'm American, and my wife is Japanese, so we wanted a good hybrid-y name that sounds good in both languages.

We decided on Kai (櫂), which fits the now 9-month old to a T.
posted by zardoz at 1:20 AM on December 15, 2009


Tesseractive: There's always Akira Hokuto
posted by jtron at 1:32 AM on December 15, 2009


Did a delivery to a home lavishly decorated with rooster doo dads, their last name Cocks-like the rooster.

Went to school with Jim and his sister Crystal Dick.

Named my son's Cyrus Leander Tallyho and Lincoln Darwin.
posted by pianomover at 3:12 AM on December 15, 2009


Ok, I'm glad to hear the name that made me raise my eyebrows (well, one eyebrow at least) isn't all that weird.

I mean, I want to name my kid Samus, so I shouldn't really be talking...

Also, ulotrichous's kids have really cool names (unusual, but easy to spell) but I'll let him show up in this thread if he wants to.
posted by Tesseractive at 4:44 AM on December 15, 2009


I've always wanted to name my children Balthazar and Millicent, but none of my partners have thought much of that idea. Guess I'm going to have to keep on looking.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 5:01 AM on December 15, 2009


I doubt she's going to answer in here, so I'll do it for her. My friend mere asked about one syllable girls' names and ended up going with Eve.

In other news, when I taught preschool, there were three girls named QuessSadde, QuessSymphonee and Quessonthyme. And their brother, Patrick. There was also a girl named NyQuilla.

NO. LIE.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:09 AM on December 15, 2009


Oh, my grandfather and his brother were named Stephen Walter Lastname and Walter Stephen Lastname. (That is, once my grandfather's name was finally changed on his birth certificate from Baby Boy, years into his life).

I also knew a Cinnamon in college and my next door neighbor dated an Apple (way before Gwyneth). I went to law school with a Tree (although that was a nickname - but everyone called him that).
posted by Pax at 6:12 AM on December 15, 2009


No unusual names in my family, although apparently my father is named after a Canadian Destroyer.
posted by Nice Guy Mike at 6:13 AM on December 15, 2009


My best friend in high school was one of two Vietnamese kids in our ridiculously lily-white rural Connecticut school district. Her name, when spoken aloud, was properly pronounced as: Sue My Hoe. She, fortunately, found this hilarious, and really enjoyed correcting the uptight WASPs.
posted by amelioration at 6:22 AM on December 15, 2009


My uncle went to school with Bluebell Duck.

My old roommate named her son Christopher Robin xxxxx, which I thought was both a bit precious and a bit cruel (playground teasing), though I guess he could have kept the middle name secret.

A lot of the oldest sons in my father's family have been given the same name as either the first name or middle name - it is my uncle and cousin's middle name and was my grandfather's first name. It is derived from a Welsh ancestor's name and clearly it is a variation on the name Mahlon, but someone changed the spelling to Maylin for some reason lost to the mists of history. (You can understand why my grandfather went by a nickname derived from a shortening of his last name for most of his life.) Since I'm a woman, I think it might have been cool to have been given this a middle name, but they went instead with my aunt's first name as my middle name.

I think it is quite cool that an archaeologist co-worker gave his sons the middle names of Clovis and Folsom (the Blackwater Draw site near Clovis, NM and the Folsom site in NM are the names of 2 famous archaeological sites in the U.S. and Clovis and Folsom are type names for stone points from these sites)
posted by gudrun at 6:44 AM on December 15, 2009


My old roommate named her son Christopher Robin xxxxx, which I thought was both a bit precious and a bit cruel (playground teasing), though I guess he could have kept the middle name secret.

I went to college with two Christopher Robin xxxxxxs. Both reported that they didn't really suffer much, in fact, both totally dropped into conversation with girls who thought it was cuuuuuute and yes, this kinda worked.
posted by desuetude at 6:49 AM on December 15, 2009


I think it is quite cool that an archaeologist co-worker gave his sons the middle names of Clovis and Folsom...

Not an archaeologist and I see that these are middle names, but when I see Folsom what springs to mind is "Prison Blues."
posted by fixedgear at 7:04 AM on December 15, 2009


At school, our chemistry textbook was written by Norman Conquest.
posted by pocketfluff at 7:04 AM on December 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


The NASCAR driver? Or another one?

Completely different Richard Trickle.

Also, Bluebell Duck is an aMAZing name.

And I knew a Christopher Robin xxxx too, but at the time I was too young to get the reference.
posted by misha at 7:08 AM on December 15, 2009


The aforementioned boyfriend kinda sorta wants a kid named Doolittle, both because of the Pixies album and Loretta Lynn's husband. He loves the way it sounded when she/Sissy Spacek said something like, "Ah luhv yew, Dew."

I'm not entirely opposed, but I do refuse to have a kid nicknamed "Doo-Doo."
posted by Madamina at 7:35 AM on December 15, 2009


Not an archaeologist and I see that these are middle names, but when I see Folsom what springs to mind is "Prison Blues."

Yeah, many archaeologists are kind of macho types, so I don't think this would bother him much, but considering the company they keep, everyone will get the reference/source, and most schoolmates will either not know or be fairly clueless about either the prison or the famous Folsom site.

I forgot to mention that when my friend was doing geneaology research she found an ancestor named Green Pease.
posted by gudrun at 7:37 AM on December 15, 2009


Madamina, since my parents are WWII generation, when I hear the name Doolittle I think of the famous pilot Jimmie Doolittle (who would not be a bad person to be named after).
posted by gudrun at 7:43 AM on December 15, 2009


I still pitch Danger as a middle name practically every chance I get. No one has bitten yet, but a friend has assured me that they are just waiting till the second kid.

In return, I've promised to teach that child how to be an action hero. Because with a moniker like that, you've got to be able to walk the walk.
posted by quin at 8:01 AM on December 15, 2009


My maternal grandfather's name was Vernal, because he was born on the Vernal Equinox. His brothers (and sister) included Elgin, Percival and Orphea (Orpheus, feminized). His father was college-educated schoolteacher in the middle of nowhere and apparently used his kids' unusual names as an opportunity to teach the kids of his Appalachian neighbors about astronomy, mythology, literature and history.


All of this I enjoyed, growing up, because my father's side of my family is largely made up of Toms, Bills, Joes, Johns, James and Mary Katherines/Mary Francises about as far back as anyone can remember.
posted by thivaia at 8:08 AM on December 15, 2009


I have a good friend (female) who's middle name is "Ransom." I'm not sure even she knows why.

I also went to elementary school with a Dan Nation and a Wendy Weathers. The worst part about Wendy's name is that she had a twin sister... named "Beth." That's right. The parents looked at their twin daughters and decided, "we're just going to fuck with one of you."
posted by Navelgazer at 8:17 AM on December 15, 2009


I still pitch Danger as a middle name practically every chance I get.

My husband insisted on this for an incredibly long time.

That and Batzorig for a first name, which is an actual Mongolian name. But still....Batzorig Danger is either the best name ever or a train wreck waiting to happen.
posted by zizzle at 8:23 AM on December 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


My wife's grandmother's middle name was Rosebud. She got teased quite a bit when Citizen Kane was in the first run theaters. Luckily for her, she was in a strict Adventist compound & probably didn't know who Orson Wells was. Oh, yeah, she predated the movie by about 50 years.
posted by beelzbubba at 8:29 AM on December 15, 2009


Our son (when he was <10) was set on the name Geechetta and something else unpronounceable for a girl name. Checked in with him from time to time afterward & he was still pretty firm on that. My guess is that the name functions as excellent birth control for his partner.
posted by beelzbubba at 8:34 AM on December 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh, and I had a class with a statistics major whose first name was Random.
posted by coppermoss at 8:49 AM on December 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


And speaking of Star Trek...

Coincidentally, Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a boy today.

I heard a few radio commercials over the weekend for the latest installment of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, a show I have never watched nor have any desire to watch. But whenever I heard the announcer mention the name of the show, for a fraction of a second my brain would hear it as Keeping Up with the Cardassians, which I would totally watch.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:57 AM on December 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


Old family names are good, but my great-grandfather's didn't get passed down. It was Adolph.

I worked for someone named Martha Nan Mailman. I just loved saying that name.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 9:06 AM on December 15, 2009


I actually just met a couple at a holiday party who named their son 'Ender'. Not sure if I'd name my kid after someone who (unintentionally, it's true) committed genocide...
posted by darsh at 9:26 AM on December 15, 2009


if i had kids in my 20s, they'd have been named Bilbo and Galadriel.

That might also explain why I didn't have kids in my 20s.
posted by empath at 10:10 AM on December 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


My friend worked in a free clinic in a very economically depressed area. A woman brought her baby in for a checkup and my friend asked for the baby's name. "vuhginna." Can you spell that please? "vuhginna. V-A-G-I-N-A."
posted by killy willy at 10:25 AM on December 15, 2009


Astorpheus Alcibiodese.
Revilo Oliver

I think I've seen these in Harry Potter somewhere.
posted by cmgonzalez at 10:27 AM on December 15, 2009


if i had kids in my 20s, they'd have been named Bilbo and Galadriel

A friend of mine's middle name is Bilbo.
posted by Pax at 10:28 AM on December 15, 2009


My friend worked in a free clinic in a very economically depressed area. A woman brought her baby in for a checkup and my friend asked for the baby's name. "vuhginna." Can you spell that please? "vuhginna. V-A-G-I-N-A." (killy willy)

Cite please.

Seriously, these friend of a friend stories are vicious and lame, whether they're targeting people because of their race, ignorance, redneckness or anything else for that matter. As I've said before, it's one thing to say "Man, that's a weird name" and another to tell an anecdote (which is always from "a friend" and never backed up by facts) that's essentially "Hey, man, look how stupid these people are. I mean, they named their kid Vagina."
posted by ocherdraco at 10:30 AM on December 15, 2009 [7 favorites]


I'm naming my next pet Lemon Jello.
posted by quin at 10:38 AM on December 15, 2009


Cite please.

I can MeMail my friends name and phone number, if you'd like.

This story as always been more "that's incredibly sad" rather than "LOLuneducatedminority" to me. My mistake for not couching it in those terms.
posted by killy willy at 11:01 AM on December 15, 2009


This is all true; it has been confirmed by Snopes. I am a obstetrician serving what you might call an "urban" area, and the names I see these parents giving their children are a crime. Dogfart D'Angelo. Oranjello Hatefuck. Vagina Incest Anime Pornstar Trojanzzzz.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:02 AM on December 15, 2009 [3 favorites]


This story as always been more "that's incredibly sad" rather than "LOLuneducatedminority" to me. (killy willy)

But do you see how it's just as problematic to retell these stories regardless of whether you think it's sad or stupid?
posted by ocherdraco at 11:08 AM on December 15, 2009


I just named my biggest seamonkey 'Lemonquin'
posted by kuujjuarapik at 11:08 AM on December 15, 2009


I can MeMail my friends name and phone number, if you'd like. (killy willy)

And actually, yeah, why don't you. I'm curious what their response will be.
posted by ocherdraco at 11:12 AM on December 15, 2009


Hello?
Yes, this is ochedraco calling from MetaFilter.
Err..how can I help you?
killy willy gave me your number, I'm just following up on something.
Uh..ok.
That story you tell, about the kid named Vagina?
Uh..yeah?
Is that told in good faith?
posted by fixedgear at 11:24 AM on December 15, 2009 [3 favorites]


Yes, Vagina, there is a Santa Claus.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 11:33 AM on December 15, 2009 [2 favorites]


Elf [pointing to list]: "Yes, Santa Claus, there is a Vagina."
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:41 AM on December 15, 2009 [1 favorite]


sigh, my father always joked he wanted to name me Jacqueline Danielle. But my mother put her foot down that he was not going to name me after the very thing that was ruining their marriage.
posted by sweetmarie at 1:24 PM on December 15, 2009


There was a prominent Revilo Oliver - a classicist, cryptographer, Holocaust denier and white supremacist who helped found the John Birch Society, then quit it for being too soft, and helped found the National Alliance. He committed suicide in 1994.

The name gets thrown a lot in palindrome articles, ha ha Revilo Oliver, and I'd like to see that stop.
posted by msalt at 1:49 PM on December 15, 2009


In my mom's career as a childbirth nurse, the worst name she ever saw was Harlem Geto.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:51 PM on December 15, 2009


I currently work with a girl named Ninja.

A fact which I think is absolutely fantastic.

Lemonquin is certainly a fine name for the king of the brine shrimp. (and kind of a good looking word on its own, actually)
posted by quin at 3:32 PM on December 15, 2009


For all the "Danger" lovers, there is a comedy troupe called The Firesign Theater that Mr. gudrun and his brother love and can quote extensive passages from their material. One of the characters they do is "Nick Danger, Third Eye".
posted by gudrun at 3:47 PM on December 15, 2009


And actually, yeah, why don't you. I'm curious what their response will be.

I am dying to know how this conversation goes.
posted by empath at 4:08 PM on December 15, 2009


Mother Shotglass works in a state agency where she comes in contact with a lot of disadvantaged young mothers. She once met a girl who on paper was named "Chloe" unfortunately, the mother insisted that it was pronounced like Shiloh. Ch-Loe That poor kid.
posted by mrsshotglass at 5:15 PM on December 15, 2009


I once knew -- first-hand, used to work with him -- a guy whose given name, which I'm sure was perfectly reasonable in Korean, was Dai-Yung. (No, I didn't work with the evil one. Only the good one.)
posted by tangerine at 5:32 PM on December 15, 2009


When my daughter was four, she announced that she was going to name her children Smelly, Belly, Jelly, and Marshmallow. I made her pinky-swear to this. Every year or so I remind of her contractual obligation. However, she does have an out. She can name her daughter or son after our ancestor-- Harbottle Grimston.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:20 PM on December 15, 2009


You're related? I just read about him in Sarah Vowell's excellent The Wordy Shipmates.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 6:38 PM on December 15, 2009


I still pitch Danger as a middle name practically every chance I get. No one has bitten yet, but a friend has assured me that they are just waiting till the second kid.

In return, I've promised to teach that child how to be an action hero. Because with a moniker like that, you've got to be able to walk the walk.


Unless your first name is "Afraid Of."
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 7:14 PM on December 15, 2009


I still pitch Danger as a middle name practically every chance I get. No one has bitten yet, but a friend has assured me that they are just waiting till the second kid.

Well, for a near-synonym see Oliver Hazard Perry. Who pretty well lived up to his middle name.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:44 PM on December 15, 2009


A man who ended up governor of Texas named his daughter Ima. His name: Jim Hogg.

But Ima Hogg never let it stop her one bit; Texas philanthropist, lived into her nineties, never married because she didn't want to -- hell of a woman.
posted by dancestoblue at 10:28 PM on December 15, 2009


My grandfather has the same name as his brother. It came about because my great-grandfather's first wife like the name and used it for her first son. They divorced, great-grandpa married my great-grandma, a notoriously strong willed woman, and she insisted that since she was a child her first son would be called Hilton.

And as much as I love my mother, she has shocking taste in names sometimes. Mine is okay (both my grandmothers) but my little brother's name is a mildly common girls name. Common enough that I was in the same grade as a girl with his name, and one of his girlfriend's sister's did as well. The oddest thing is that he likes it as a girls name...

That's probably not the worst she's come up with - when I was pregnant she was gunning for 'power names' (learnt her lesson for my little brother I guess). The power name she came up with (after I slapped down Optimus Prime YET AGAIN) - Garnet. Garnet. For a boy or a girl! We could nickname them Garn! This led to my partner and I imitating each other calling "Garn! GARN! GARN GET YOUR MA!" off the back verandah.

We did end up going with a gender neutral name. Not one that frames the inadequacies of the Australian accent though.
posted by geek anachronism at 1:06 AM on December 16, 2009


At one time, I worked for a community center doing a lot of outreach into very rural, very low income Appalachia. We ran a lunchtime activity and nutrition center, as a lot of our kids' only real meal of the day was school lunch---and there's no school lunch in the summer.

So anyway, I was pretty well known in the area---we had no church component or forced classes or anything to participate, we literally just offered a safe place for the kids to eat and play. Anyway, I'm out wandering a trailer park one day hitting up parents to bring them to the program, and I came up to a house with about 15 kids in the front yard. Something like 8 of them were brothers and sisters. Interestingly, the mom and dad had about 12 kids, and during the school year, 4 lived with dad in WV and 8 lived with mom in CO. Then in the summer, they'd switch. This father worked midnights, and when he got home in the morning he would literally kick the kids out of the house and lock them out till about 6pm. Ages ranged from 5-15. So if they ate before he got home, good for them. If they didn't, too bad. There was a local ice cream/short order joint nearby run by the grandparents of one of our other families, and grandma took it upon herself to feed the kids...multiple meals...every day. So long story short, our program was really what they needed. (One of the kids got hit by a car one day because he was playing at the edge of the 45mph road near their house. Bad news.)

So anyway, this very sterotypical adorable little girl walks up to me, hands on hips, hair askew and missing several teeth. Something like a young Ramona Quimby---but brunette. Anyway, she had an issue with her r's that made them sound w's. She walks right up and asks me what I want. So I'm talking to her, and her big sister comes over and we're just chatting up a storm, and I look at her and say "What's your name?"

And she looks me square on in the eyes, hands on hips "Huntaw". (Hunter.)
"Nice to meet you Hunter."
Grunt.
"What's your last name, Hunter?"
"Duntuw"
"Duntuh?"
"Duntuw."
"Ooooh, Huntuw Duntuw. Excellent. Do you have a middle name?"
"Puntuw."
"Well Huntuw Puntuw Duntuw, it's is excellent to meet you..." and away we went.

Obviously, her name wasn't Huntuw Puntuw Duntuw. Freaking hilarious though. Anyway, we started picking them up and bringing them in for the program, and I made it a HUGE point that when she got introduced to ANY adult, that she was introduced like this "This is Trouble." "No I'm not!" "Oh Right. This is Huntuw Puntuw Duntuw." Very straight faced. She thought it was most excellent. The more vacant college volunteers....it went right over their heads.

I really, really, really miss Huntuw and the rest of her family. I often think about her and hope for the best. Sorry for the semi-derail.
posted by TomMelee at 5:17 AM on December 17, 2009 [5 favorites]


I went to school with a kid named Bean Bag Amerika.
posted by fancyoats at 12:29 PM on December 17, 2009


Whoops, it was actually Beanbag Amerika -- one word. Sorry!
posted by fancyoats at 12:31 PM on December 17, 2009


The power name she came up with (after I slapped down Optimus Prime YET AGAIN) - Garnet. Garnet. For a boy or a girl! We could nickname them Garn! This led to my partner and I imitating each other calling "Garn! GARN! GARN GET YOUR MA!" off the back verandah.

I have an Uncle Garnet. I never thought it was such a bad name. Or maybe I only thought that because Uncle Garnet's first name was definitely preferable to his middle name: Bevis.
posted by orange swan at 1:41 PM on December 17, 2009


A good baby naming rule is: your child should be able to walk into a boardroom at the age of 40, introduce himself or herself, and not have everybody snicker.

I like unusual names, but if I ever get a chance to name a child I will stick to names that a) are culturally appropriate; b) actually exist; c) are straightforward to pronounce and spell; d) aren't just a misspelling of a common name; e) are not on the most popular baby names of the year lists; and f) pass the boardroom test.
posted by orange swan at 1:48 PM on December 17, 2009 [5 favorites]


I have an Uncle Garnet. I never thought it was such a bad name.

Imagine it with the Australian broad A. Gaaaaaaaaahn!
Here's a lengthy blogpost on why Garn would sound funny to Australians.

Heh. Garn.
posted by zamboni at 3:01 PM on December 17, 2009


Yet another reason why it's a good thing I never reproduced is that I find it 100 times more depressing to imagine a (grown-up) child of mine walking into a boardroom than to imagine people there laughing at her/him.
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:12 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]


My son's middle name really is Danger. Yes, I am That Guy.

So far, it seems to fit him well!
posted by streetdreams at 8:22 PM on December 17, 2009


A good baby naming rule is: your child should be able to walk into a boardroom at the age of 40, introduce himself or herself, and not have everybody snicker.

I have two rules when thinking about names for my potential offspring - the name has to hold up when being announced as "Winner of the Olympic Gold Medal/Starting QB for the New England Patroits, it's... THIS DUDE!" and still be equally appropriate should the sprog's career path turn towards "The Senate has voted to confirm the next Supreme Court Justice - THIS DUDE."

Dude of course being a gender-neutral term in this scenario.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:24 PM on December 17, 2009


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