Six Colours Blue August 29, 2010 9:51 AM   Subscribe

This post is Pepsi-Blue. divabat isn't even trying to hide the fact. Smarties Australia paired 8 kids up with 8 artists to create art based on each Smarties colour ... getting the product name in twice in the lead sentence.

So what exactly is the current policy on FPPs that straight up link to advertising (and nothing else)? Are they allowed to stand if their quality (entertainment value) outweighs their evil (annoyance)?
posted by philip-random to Etiquette/Policy at 9:51 AM (132 comments total)

Judging from pretty much every time this has ever come up, I think pretty much yes.
posted by Stunt at 9:52 AM on August 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


Six Colours Blue

What does this even mean? What does this have to do with sixcolors, at all?
posted by enn at 9:55 AM on August 29, 2010 [5 favorites]


So what exactly is the current policy on FPPs that straight up link to advertising (and nothing else)? Are they allowed to stand if their quality (entertainment value) outweighs their evil (annoyance)?

Pretty much, yeah. Honestly, I find invasive or annoying advertising bothersome but that's a personal feeling. I find clever advertising clever if I don't have to watch it twenty times in a row. Neither of these things really has anything to do with site policy, though: if someone makes a post that happens to feature the produce of an ad firm, and people think it's a good post, it's a good post. If people don't think it's a good post, it will likely get deleted. That's really about as much policy as there is or has ever been.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:55 AM on August 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Expanded: As long as people are enjoying the content and it isn't a self-link of some sort, yeah, they pretty much stand. If they manage to piss everyone off or seem too sketchy, they don't.

Oh, and some people will get super pissed and decry the evils of marketing.

That's about par for the course anyway.
posted by Stunt at 9:55 AM on August 29, 2010


"Pepsi Blue" suggests a paid shill - "an ad or product endorsement for reasons other than just overall consumer joy." If you've got evidence that divabat is receiving payola, let's see it.
posted by zamboni at 9:56 AM on August 29, 2010 [6 favorites]


Are they allowed to stand if their quality (entertainment value) outweighs their evil (annoyance)?

Usually, yes. There is an open MeTa thread about this, actually. If we think it's SEO bullshit, we'll nix it. I don't think this is what divabat is up to. People may still think the post sucks anyhow [I haven't really looked at it] but the fact that it's an ad is not in and of itself a reaso to delete it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:57 AM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


What does this even mean? What does this have to do with sixcolors, at all?

It's a riff on Three Colors: Blue.
posted by zamboni at 9:58 AM on August 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


OK. I still wish people wouldn't pull banned members into threads that have nothing to do with anything for no other reason than lolsixcolors.
posted by enn at 9:59 AM on August 29, 2010 [9 favorites]


Err, that have nothing to do with them.
posted by enn at 9:59 AM on August 29, 2010


I still wish people wouldn't pull banned members into threads

We'll usually delete that sort of thing. If people could really not pick up the six colours thing, we'd appreciate it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:00 AM on August 29, 2010


Wouldn't it be worse if she did try to hide the fact it was an advertisement?

And wasn't there a Meta thread just a couple of days ago on this very same subject?
posted by smackfu at 10:01 AM on August 29, 2010


colours

Traitor!
posted by nomadicink at 10:02 AM on August 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's what it says in the title.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:03 AM on August 29, 2010


Oh, that looks harsh, sorry! Was a small joke, feel free to delete it and this.
posted by nomadicink at 10:03 AM on August 29, 2010


Seems fine to me. I'm definitely one of those "can't we PLEASE raise the bar for post quality" people, but I didn't think this was a bad post. If it was a single link to the Smarties homepage, that would've been crap, probably, but just because a post has advertising in it, that doesn't automatically make it bad if it's otherwise interesting.
posted by Gator at 10:04 AM on August 29, 2010


philip-random, if you're going to call out a post, you should link to the MeTa in the post you're calling out. Though after your comment there, it doesn't seem like this is a dispassionate response to advertising, so much as you just plain don't like the content. You knew about the previous MeTa that jessamyn linked since you commented in it, so why didn't you post in that thread again?
posted by oneirodynia at 10:06 AM on August 29, 2010


In the Talmudic lore of Metafilter it is related that there was once a time when mathowie, in his infinite wisdom, even chose to allow a self-link – and told the bewildered crowd that it was a quality self-link. Why, asked the Mefi Rabbis, was a self-link allowed? – for, they said, a self-link is well known to be the most serious of Metafilter violations! – and allowed by not a lesser mod than the mod of mods, mathowie!

It was in order to indicate to us two teachings: first, the quality of the link is the most important question that concerns us; second, there are no Metafilter laws which are absolutely immutable, not even the highest rule against self-linking. So even as you hem to the rule, be aware and alive to the possibilities, and focus only on the quality of the links.
posted by koeselitz at 10:10 AM on August 29, 2010 [68 favorites]


It seems to me that if you would pick this for a battle you must spend most of your time fighting. Not even worth flagging, much less making a MeTa post about, in my opinion.
posted by Daddy-O at 10:11 AM on August 29, 2010


"Pepsi Blue" suggests a paid shill

oops. My mistake. All apologies to divabat. I thought pepsi-blue was just an all purpose reference to thinly disguised advertising. I in no way felt that divabat was trying to put anything over on anybody.
posted by philip-random at 10:14 AM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]



Hmm, is there particular reason color/colours is spelled differently based on the country, yet both deemed ok? Does it happen in other languages too?
posted by nomadicink at 10:17 AM on August 29, 2010


philip-random, if you're going to call out a post, you should link to the MeTa in the post you're calling out. Though after your comment there, it doesn't seem like this is a dispassionate response to advertising, so much as you just plain don't like the content. You knew about the previous MeTa that jessamyn linked since you commented in it, so why didn't you post in that thread again?

Honestly, I forgot. It's been a crazy past few days (non-site related). And my commenting in that thread was more of a derail-ish "I'm sick of zombie culture" than, "I'm sick of advertising." As my previous comment suggests, my FAIL here is having the wrong definition of pepsi-blue, so when I did MetaTalk search before posting, it didn't find the recent thread.

I apologize. I used some jargon sloppily, without understanding its proper meaning. I will seek not to do this again in the future.

You're right though about my take on the Smarties ads not being dispassionate. I HATE THEM. Cute kids, I don't mind. Cute artists, I want to strangle ... particularly as they're the ones old enough to know better (ie: aiding and abetting the cynical shoving of sweetness down folks' throats).

And as for the Six Colours Blue title, zamboni is correct. No reference was intended to any MeFite past or present. That is, sixcolors (good? bad? ugly?) is not on my radar.
posted by philip-random at 10:26 AM on August 29, 2010


oops. My mistake. All apologies to divabat. I thought pepsi-blue was just an all purpose reference to thinly disguised advertising. I in no way felt that divabat was trying to put anything over on anybody.

For what it's worth, I read the phrase as fairly broad and non-specific about the intent and agency of the poster regarding the content—it definitely means at least "this is sort of an ad, innit?" but often means little more than that, and sometimes means even less in a joking "ha ha, I pretend to accuse you of shillery" sort of way.

The origination of the phrase is tied (as I recall, very vaguely) to what was an actual aggro web turfing campaign by Pepsi regarding their doomed Blue product, and jokes made about that in the mefi thread at the time, which evolved into the "X Blue" trope over time. Most injokes of that sort get more vague as time goes by.

So, thanks for clarifying where you were coming from, but also no real worries. The main lesson here is that using an oblique bit of local jargon instead of just saying "hey, this is what's bothering me" can be kind of a bad way to set up a community discussion.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:26 AM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


I think unless you think the author of the post is self-linking or being compensated for linking there is pretty much no ground to stand on here. Go through the last x fpp's and show me the ones that don't, somehow, lead to a commercial concern. Admittedly, this one is directly an advertisement, but commercialism is everywhere and trying to excise it from Metafilter would be like trying to separate the Ovaltine brand chocolate flavored malted breakfast drink powder from the milk in which it was mixed. Impossible.
posted by dirtdirt at 10:51 AM on August 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


And, I know you, Philip-Random, don't think Divabat is shilling. I mean the general you, here.
posted by dirtdirt at 10:53 AM on August 29, 2010


"Pepsi Blue" suggests a paid shill

no it doesn't. I don't think there's anything wrong with the fpp, but Pepsi Blue is a reference to a thread where someone linked directly to the announcement of Pepsi Blue. The post was largely reviled for basically linking to product advertising, but it was not a shill.

It's also largely not an issue any more. It was just a kind of funny thing that the post was shitty.
posted by shmegegge at 10:56 AM on August 29, 2010


Hmm, is there particular reason color/colours is spelled differently based on the country, yet both deemed ok? Does it happen in other languages too?

Ah. Good question.
Let me have a quick search for you.
Unlike many other professional linguists, I am only an amateur, but I'll do my best.
My Wikipedia skills are pretty good, so give me a moment!
I think I've found the answer.
Naturally, it's a collection of pages due to the complexity of the subject matter.
If others want to check over the results though, that would be appreciated.
Unfortunately, I'm not one hundred per cent sure.
My results are as follows:

Noah Webster's dictionary specifically, but generally because of spelling reform. There was even a Simplified Spelling Board.

I recall that there was a rather epic MeTa on this, where demographics were chucked about to try and show that one way of spelling was better than the other, but I couldn't find it during a brief Google.

Subliminal message brought to you by the OED. of which there was this recent news.
posted by djgh at 11:16 AM on August 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


For what it's worth, I thought the Six Colours: Blue was a play on the movie title and the fact that --where I come from, anyway -- Smarties come in six colours (I just walked to the corner store and bought a box to confirm). I expect Mefi to work Kieslowski and Nestle both into its references.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:16 AM on August 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


Looks like we have a consensus that the original post is adifying enough to keep.

Not the official spelling anywhere AFAIK
posted by lukemeister at 11:32 AM on August 29, 2010


There are BLUE Smarties??
posted by pineapple at 11:33 AM on August 29, 2010


Yes, there are blue Smarties.
posted by maudlin at 11:43 AM on August 29, 2010


It was in order to indicate to us two teachings: first, the quality of the link is the most important question that concerns us; second, there are no Metafilter laws which are absolutely immutable, not even the highest rule against self-linking. So even as you hem to the rule, be aware and alive to the possibilities, and focus only on the quality of the links.

I think we need a book of these.
posted by empath at 12:11 PM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


Advertising and Marketing are not evil. (unless intentionally misleading)
posted by blue_beetle at 12:34 PM on August 29, 2010


(unless intentionally misleading)

not many ad campaigns out there that don't on some level mislead. it's as simple as "our product is best" when it usually isn't, or "drink this and you'll become somehow more hip", when you won't. We're just so used to the bullshit that it washes over us, leaving a barely perceptible film.

advertising that tells what movie is playing where and when -- that I'm fully in favor of. The rest is just chronic pain. I wish it would go the f*** away but I seem to be surviving regardless.
posted by philip-random at 12:42 PM on August 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

no it doesn't. I don't think there's anything wrong with the fpp, but Pepsi Blue is a reference to a thread where someone linked directly to the announcement of Pepsi Blue. The post was largely reviled for basically linking to product advertising, but it was not a shill.
Original Pepsi Blue post. Unless there was some wholesale deletion (mods?), there's no riot over commercial interest. Corresponding MeTa archive: no mention of Pepsi.

It looks like MeFi didn't immediately seize on it and rampage with torches and pitchforks. I think the pepsi blue label may have come from events happening outside of metafilter - the larger Pepsi Blue blog campaign. A cursory googling suggests that usage in MeFiland went from suggesting a post was "pepsi blue-ish" to simply labelling it "pepsi blue". If our usage of it has changed, and it no longer means potential shill, but "post related to a commercial product", we should probably change the FAQ:
Pepsi Blue has become a sort of catch-all catcall for something that's a possible shill posting on MetaFilter - that is, an ad or product endorsement for reasons other than just overall consumer joy.
posted by zamboni at 12:49 PM on August 29, 2010


Wow, I had for some reason thought that whole thing happened at least a couple years later. 2004 or so.

And there was no quick pickup on the joke either, that's interesting; there's one direct reference to Pepsi a few days after the original thread on the blue (and a reply to that) and then nothing again until like six months later when it gets mentioned as tired already in another thread.

Then it shows up a bit in 2003, starting with a metatalk post in March and another in April. The reference's heyday on Metatalk at least looks like maybe late 2003-2006 or so, though it seems to still have a lot of currency on the blue.

This is all just from glancing searches, though, if someone wants to dig in in more detail have at it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:02 PM on August 29, 2010


(I should say, no quick pickup on the joke as local metacommentary jargon on the grey. For whatever exceptionalist reason that's my first-blush evaluation of injokes. But it doesn't look like it really got much use on the blue either for most of 2002 at least.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:04 PM on August 29, 2010


Unless there was some wholesale deletion (mods?)

That predates all of us except mathowie. I can only vaguely remember that thread. And yeah it does look like the general idea of Pepsi Blue-as-catchphrase has shifted somewhat, though I still think of "shill" as part of it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:06 PM on August 29, 2010


Would now be a good time to mention the difference between UK/Australia/other places "Smarties," which are perhaps something like US Sweet-Tarts(??), and American "Smarties," which are those weird little chalky things rolled in a tube of cellophane?
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:08 PM on August 29, 2010


Yeah, there's no record of flags or deletions in there and my guess is nothing got removed if it didn't turn into any kind of conversation in Metatalk at the time. But I don't think flags existed yet, and the deletions back then may still have been "it goes away forever" things as well in which case the modern code wouldn't find a deleted comment in the db to report in the first place. So we'll basically never know for sure.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:11 PM on August 29, 2010


I wish Smarties paid me to shill, at least then I'll never have to worry about my supply of cheap chocolate.

I posted it because I thought the concept and the videos were brilliant - I did worry about the Pepsi Blue-ness of it, but then figured that I would have posted it anyway even if it wasn't a commercial project, so why not? Might as well acknowledge directly where it's from.
posted by divabat at 1:17 PM on August 29, 2010


This is a bad callout and I'm glad to see philip-random apologized for it. For what it's worth, divabat's occasional tendency to focus intelligently on advertising has a long history of producing wonderful posts here.
posted by mediareport at 1:18 PM on August 29, 2010 [8 favorites]


Huh, that's not the Pepsi Blue thread I remember. I thought it was a marketing language post, like how amazing this new Pepsi Blue was, and we were all going to be so impressed by it, and it clearly was a shill posting it. It sounded weird and clearly didn't belong on metafilter. Did I completely make that post up in the intervening years? Stranger things have happened.
posted by Hildegarde at 2:36 PM on August 29, 2010


Would now be a good time to mention the difference between UK/Australia/other places "Smarties," which are perhaps something like US Sweet-Tarts(??), and American "Smarties," which are those weird little chalky things rolled in a tube of cellophane?

I thought Smarties were more like little mini M&Ms in other countries where in the US, yeah, they're little rolls of bite size chalk nuggets. (US Sweet-Tarts aren't much better - they're bigger and yeah, tart, but they're hardly a high quality confection.)
posted by sonika at 2:38 PM on August 29, 2010


This comment is Dr. Pepper magenta.
posted by jonmc at 2:44 PM on August 29, 2010


What Americans know as Smarties were always called Rockets in Canada when I was growing up. They were inescapable at Hallowe'en, as I recollect.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:53 PM on August 29, 2010


Smarties vs. Smarties
posted by hippybear at 2:59 PM on August 29, 2010


Smarties, the US flavorless chalk miniature sweet-tart kind, are awful. Sweet-tarts are better but...

One Spree to rule them all and in the sugar bind them.
posted by Babblesort at 3:12 PM on August 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


Since we've all decided that M&Ms are better than Smarties, it's now time to discuss Cheetos vs. Hawkins.
posted by deborah at 3:29 PM on August 29, 2010


Oh god:

Violet Smarties are currently dyed with cochineal, a derivative of the Cochineal insect which is listed in the ingredients as carminic acid. It is produced by crushing female Cochineal insects.

posted by mykescipark at 3:29 PM on August 29, 2010


Remove the middleman and crush the bugs between your teeth!
posted by The Whelk at 3:30 PM on August 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


I didn't mean to, but I got drunk just now. It all started when I drank to much, and now I'm habing truble t;yping. Shoulbe i Stop or sould i kep drimpming? Check yes for no, and check no jor yes. Thamps ;you beem aare reaaaaal hep.
posted by nola at 4:10 PM on August 29, 2010


Smarties, the US flavorless chalk miniature sweet-tart kind, are awful

You take that back! I love those things.
posted by cj_ at 4:18 PM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


drjimmy11: "Would now be a good time to mention the difference between UK/Australia/other places "Smarties," which are perhaps something like US Sweet-Tarts(??), and American "Smarties," which are those weird little chalky things rolled in a tube of cellophane"

Covered.
posted by pineapple at 4:28 PM on August 29, 2010


Oh man, Spree. Hadn't thought about those in years. Almost want to go and buy some RIGHT NOW. Almost.
posted by sonika at 4:29 PM on August 29, 2010


the young rope-rider: "They are small chalky pieces of happiness, the white cliffs of delicious, teeny-tiny little buttons of yum"

You people are on crack. American Smarties are a waste of dental health, compared to their vastly more brilliant chalky-candy counterpart: NECCO Wafers.
posted by pineapple at 4:33 PM on August 29, 2010


Would now be a good time to mention the difference between UK/Australia/other places "Smarties," which are perhaps something like US Sweet-Tarts(??),

They are nothing like SweeTarts. The inside is chocolate, like an MnM.

Now I'm thinking of sour chalky candies with chocolate inside, and that is nasty.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:36 PM on August 29, 2010


color -- colour
blue -- bleu
gray -- grey
trunk -- bonnet
etc

Dave Barry called these incorrect spellings "metric spelling" and that works for me
posted by dancestoblue at 4:43 PM on August 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


that's trunk -- boot
hood -- bonnet

ahem
posted by carsonb at 4:55 PM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


Don't forget jewelry -> jewellery.
posted by Faust Gray at 4:57 PM on August 29, 2010


color -- colour
blue -- bleu
gray -- grey
trunk -- bonnet
etc


If I'm following you correctly, I believe the actual equivalents to be:

Trunk - Boot
Hood - Bonnet
posted by djgh at 5:04 PM on August 29, 2010


Ha, in the (apparently nine) minutes I "quickly" check Wikipedia, I see carsonb beat me to it.

Stupid magpie tendencies, although I now know more about the imperial system than before.
posted by djgh at 5:06 PM on August 29, 2010


Although shouldn't it also be blue - blue?

Or is that a Canadian thing due to the use of French as well?
posted by djgh at 5:07 PM on August 29, 2010


Incorrect spellings? Why you rassin frassin....

I loved Smarties as a kid. Never even heard of M&Ms until the movie ET came out, when they were suddenly all over the place. Woolworth's had a promotion and I tried some, but they weren't very good. Probably weren't flavoured with the right kind of crushed bugs like our candy.
posted by Kevin Street at 5:13 PM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


it's as simple as "our product is best" when it usually isn't,

Anyone try this trick on the telly and they have ME to answer to. Or at least have to send me a comparison chart.
posted by mippy at 5:18 PM on August 29, 2010


Never even heard of M&Ms until the movie ET came out, when they were suddenly all over the place

Um, those weren't M&Ms.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:24 PM on August 29, 2010


Mmmm.... Spree.

I haven't eaten them in probably ten years and my mouth is literally watering thinking about them.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:24 PM on August 29, 2010


Why are smarties better than men?

They come in different colours.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 5:27 PM on August 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


US Smarties: I have fond memories, but I think as a grown-up I can admit they are objectively pretty terrible. Maybe it's just the packaging- that crappy little clear paper was always half falling off by the time you got them. They barely seemed professionally wrapped- more like some squad of little old ladies was locked in a basement somewhere rolling them by hand.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:27 PM on August 29, 2010


the quality of the link is the most important question that concerns us

The link having been made by the person who made the item does not reduce the quality of the item. Thus a self-link can indeed be high quality. The reason for this rule is to avoid self-promotion.

Ads, on the other hand, start at a quality of -30 and have to be really really really really really mindblowingly AWESOME just to get up to 0.
posted by DU at 5:28 PM on August 29, 2010


"Um, those weren't M&Ms."

Well, that explains it! Guess I'm still an M&M virgin.
posted by Kevin Street at 5:46 PM on August 29, 2010


There's probably some progression. I'm thinking of how I look at these things, absent flag queues.

1. Is post truly horrible? That is, a post can be so bad it doesn't matter if it's a self link or not, we'd just delete it as fast as we could [I can think of the Jerry Garcia IMG posted to the front page of MeFi on Jerry's birthday as an example offhand]. If not, go to 2.
2. Is the post SEO-douchey seeming from a new/unknown poster? If so, investigate and if it's spam/SEO/self-link, delete/ban. If not, go to 3.
3. Is post awesome? If so, go to 7, else go to 4
4. Is the post a Bad Post for MeFi for lesser reasons [axe grinding, super thin, tough topic done badly, recent double post, outragefilter, supposed to be in AskMe, dumb ad with no real upside]. If so, delete or keep an eye on flag queue, else go to 5.
5. Is post pretty weak/deleteworthy and also a first post? If so delete and send a nice email about where the post went. If not, go to 6.
6. Is post going to something decent but is phrased in some terrible irredeemable way that is making everyone fight with each other? If so, try to contact OP to fix, or delete with a "try again tomorrow" note. Else go to 7.
7. Congrats, your post is live. I hope it goes well.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:49 PM on August 29, 2010 [4 favorites]


Well, that explains it! Guess I'm still an M&M virgin.
Jessamyn is saying they were Reese's Pieces in ET. You're more likely to have had M&Ms in the UK than Reece's Pieces.
posted by GeckoDundee at 6:07 PM on August 29, 2010


Canada, actually - but yeah, I understand what she meant. It was a case of mistaken candy identity. They have M&Ms around here, but Smarties are the dominant phenotype.
posted by Kevin Street at 6:14 PM on August 29, 2010


There's probably some progression....(steps 1 through 7)

You know what would be awesome? If the MeFi front end included some JavaScript to display this process in action (suitably slowed down, with images of animated computers "thinking," etc.).
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 6:30 PM on August 29, 2010


So Canada got Reece's Pieces after ET? I get it now.

Smarties? Rockets? They're Swizzles (which are apparently called "Fizzers" now). There's a page here which includes a bonus cross section comparison of Smarties v M&Ms.
posted by GeckoDundee at 6:49 PM on August 29, 2010


uncanny hengeman: "Why are smarties better than men?

They come in different colours
"

I read your username as 'Henny Youngman' by mistake, but right now it fits.

Why yes, I AM older than dirt, thanks.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 7:02 PM on August 29, 2010


do not start.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:04 PM on August 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Smarties made of chocolate? Why...why...that's just crazy!
posted by slogger at 7:06 PM on August 29, 2010


Kevin Street: “Well, that explains it! Guess I'm still an M&M virgin.”
GeckoDundee: “Jessamyn is saying they were Reese's Pieces in ET. You're more likely to have had M&Ms in the UK than Reece's Pieces.”

It is very easy to tell whether you've had M&Ms or Reece's Pieces. Reece's Pieces are delicious, and made of peanut butter. M&Ms are somewhat inferior (but not bad) and made of chocolate.
posted by koeselitz at 7:30 PM on August 29, 2010


carsonb: "that's trunk -- boot
hood -- bonnet

ahem"

well, you got the idea, anyways, plus they may as well call it a bonnet as well as any other silly word they dream up.....

posted by dancestoblue at 7:44 PM on August 29, 2010




pineapple: "the young rope-rider: "They are small chalky pieces of happiness, the white cliffs of delicious, teeny-tiny little buttons of yum"

You people are on crack. American Smarties are a waste of dental health, compared to their vastly more brilliant chalky-candy counterpart: NECCO Wafers
"

Ah, NECCO "wafers". As a kid I made the mistake of purchasing these abominations more than once. Each time I expected candy goodness and each time I was not only disappointed but actively disgusted. I don't know why I'd buy them more than once. But I did.

I am more aware of their evil now. And it reminds me of a story. The chocolate flavor that is more like dirt. The weird menthol taste of just about any one "wafer":

The Disgusting English Candy Drill
from Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow

“He was my good health,” she often says. “Since he passed away I’ve had to become all but an outright witch, in pure self-defense.” From the kitchen comes the smell of limes freshly cut and squeezed. Darlene’s in and out of the room, looking for different botanicals, asking where the cheesecloth’s got to, “Tyrone help me just reach down that—no next to it, the tall jar, thank you love”—back into the kitchen in a creak of starch, a flash of pink. “I’m the only one with a memory around here,” Mrs. Quoad sighs. “We help each other, you see.” She brings out from behind its cretonne camouflage a great bowl of candies. “Now,” beaming at Slothrop. “Here: wine jellies. They’re prewar.”

“Now I remember you—the one with the graft at the Ministry of Supply!” but he knows, from last time, that no gallantry can help him now. After that visit he wrote home to Nalline: “The English are kind of weird when it comes to the way things taste, Mom. They aren’t like us. It might be the climate. They go for things we would never dream of. Sometimes it is enough to turn your stomach, boy. The other day I had one of these things they call ‘wine jellies.’ That’s their idea of candy, Mom! Figure out a way to feed some to that Hitler ‘n’ I betcha the war’d be over tomorrow!” Now once again he finds himself checking out these ruddy gelatin objects, nodding, he hopes amiably, at Mrs. Quoad. They have the names of different wines written on them in bas-relief.

“Just a touch of menthol too,” Mrs. Quoad popping one into her mouth. “Delicious.”

Slothrop finally chooses one that says Lafitte Rothschild and stuffs it on into his kisser. “Oh yeah. Yeah. Mmm. It’s great.”

“If you really want something peculiar try the Bernkastler Doktor. Oh! Aren’t you the one who brought me those lovely American slimy elm things, maple-tasting with a touch of sassafras—“

“Slippery elm. Jeepers I’m sorry. I ran out yesterday.”

Darlene comes in with a steaming pot and three cups on a tray. “What’s that?” Slothrop a little quickly, here.

“You don’t really want to know, Tyrone.”

“Quite right,” after the first sip, wishing she’d used more lime juice or something to kill the basic taste, which is ghastly-bitter. These people are really insane. No sugar, natch. He reaches in the candy bowl, comes u with a black ribbed licorice drop. It looks safe. But just as he’s biting in, Darlene gives him, and it, a peculiar look, great timing this girl, sez, “Oh, I thought we got rid of all those"--a blithe, Gilbert & Sullivan ingenue’s thewse—“years ago,” at which Slothrop is encountering this dribbling liquid center, which tastes like mayonnaise and orange peels.

“You’ve taken the last of my Marmalade Surprises!” cries Mrs. Quoad, having now with conjuror’s speed produced an egg-shaped confection of pastel green, studded all over with lavender nonpareils. “Just for that I shan’t let you have any of these marvelous rhubarb creams.” Into her mouth it goes, the whole thing.

“Serves me right,” Slothrop, wondering just what he means by this, sipping herb tea to remove the taste of the mayonnaise candy—oops but that’s a mistake, right, here’s his mouth filling once again with horrible alkaloid desolation, all the way back to the soft palate where it digs in. Darlene, pure Nightingale compassion, is handing him a hard red candy, molded like a stylized raspberry... mm, which oddly enough even tastes like a raspberry, though it can’t begin to take away that bitterness. Impatiently, he bites into it, and in the act knows, fucking idiot, he’s been had once more, there comes pouring out onto his tongue the most godawful crystalline concentration of Jeez it must be pure nitric acid, “Oh mercy that’s really sour,” hardly able to get the words out he’s so puckered up, exactly the sort of thing Hop Harrigan used to pull to get Tank Tinker to quit playing his ocarina, a shabby trick then and twice as reprehensible coming from an old lady who’s supposed to be one of our Allies, shit he can’t even see it’s up his nose and whatever it is won’t dissolve, just goes on torturing his shriveling tongue and crunches like ground glass among his molars. Mrs. Quoad is meantime busy savoring, bite by dainty bite, a cherry-quinine petit four. She beams at the young people across the candy bowl. Slothrop, forgetting, reaches again for his tea. There is no graceful way out of this now. Darlene has brought a couple-three more candy jars down off of the shelf, and now he goes plunging, like a journey to the center of some small, hostile planet, into an enormous bonbon chomp through the mantle of chocolate to a strongly eucalyptus-flavored fondant, finally into a core of some very tough grape gum arabic. He fingernails a piece of this out from between his teeth and stares at it for a while. It is purple in color.

“Now you’re getting the idea!” Mrs. Quoad waving at him a marbled conglomerate of ginger root, butterscotch, and aniseed, “you see, you also have to enjoy the way it looks. Why are Americans so impulsive?”

“Well,” mumbling, “usually we don’t get any more complicated than Hershey bars, see..."

“Oh, try this," hollers Darlene, clutching her throat and swaying against him.

“Gosh, it must really be something,” doubtfully taking this nasty-looking brownish novelty, an exact quarter-scale replica of a Mills-type hand grenade, lever, pin and everything, one of a series of patriotic candies put out before sugar was quite so scarce, also including, he notices, peering into the jar, a .455 Webley cartridge of green and pink striped taffy, a six-ton earthquake bomb of some silver-flecked blue gelatin, and a licorice bazooka.

“Go on then,” Darlene actually taking his hand with the candy in it and trying to shove it into his mouth.

“Was just, you know, looking at it, the way Mrs. Quoad suggested.”

“And no fair squeezing it, Tyrone,”

Under its tamarind glaze, the Mills bomb turns out to be luscious pepsin-flavored nougat, chock-full of tangy candied cubeb berries, and a chewy camphor-gum center. It is unspeakably awful. Slothrop’s head begins to reel with camphor fumes, his eyes are running, his tongue’s a hopeless holocaust. Cubeb? He used to smoke that stuff. “Poisoned. . . .” he is able to croak.

“Show a little backbone,” advises Mrs. Quoad.

“Yes,” Darlene through tongue-softened sheets of caramel, “don’t you know there’s a war on? Here now love, open your mouth.”

Through the tears he can’t see it too well, but he can hear Mrs. Quoad across the table going “Yum, yum, yum,” and Darlene giggling. It is enormous and soft, like a marshmallow, but somehow—unless something is now going seriously wrong with his brain—it tastes like gin. “Wha’s ‘is,” he inquires thickly.

“A gin marshmallow,” sez Mrs. Quoad.

“Awww. . . .”

“Oh that’s nothing, have one of these—" his teeth, in some perverse reflex, crunching now through a hard sour gooseberry shell into a wet spurting unpleasantness of, he hopes it’s tapioca, little glutinous chunks of something all saturated with powdered cloves.

“More tea?” Darlene suggests. Slothrop is coughing violently, having inhaled some of that clove filling.

“Nasty cough,” Mrs. Quoad offering a tin of that least believable of English coughdrops, the Meggezone. “Darlene, the tea is lovely, I can feel my scurvy going away, really I can.”

The Meggezone is like being belted in the head with a Swiss Alp. Menthol icicles immediately begin to grow from the roof of Slothrop’s mouth. Polar bears seek toenail-holds up the freezing frosty-grape alveolar clusters in his lungs. It hurts his teeth too much to breathe, even through his nose, even, necktie loosened, with his nose down inside the neck of his olive-drab T-shirt. Benzoin vapors seep into his brain. His head floats in a halo of ice.

Even an hour later, the Meggezone still lingers, a mint ghost in the air. Slothrop lies with Darlene, the Disgusting English Candy Drill a thing of the past, his groin now against her warm bottom. The one candy he did not get to taste—one Mrs. Quoad withheld—was the Fire of Paradise, that famous confection of high price and protean taste—“salted plum” to one, “artificial cherry” to another... “sugared violets”... “Worcestershire sauce”... “spiced treacle”... any number of like descriptions, positive, terse—never exceeding two words in length—resembling the descriptions of poison and debilitating gases found in training manuals,” sweet-and-sour eggplant” being perhaps the lengthiest to date. The Fire of Paradise today is operationally extinct, and in 1945 can hardly be found: certainly nowhere among the sunlit shops and polished windows of Bond Street or waste Belgravia. But every now and then one will surface, in places which deal usually other merchandise than sweets: at rest, back inside big glass jars clouded by the days, along with objects like itself, sometimes only one candy to a whole jar, nearly hidden in the ambient tourmalines in German gold, carved ebony finger-stalls from the last century, pegs, valve-pieces, threaded hardware from obscure musical instruments, electronic components of resin and copper that the War, in its glutton, ever-nibbling intake, has not yet found and licked back into its darkness.... Places where the motors never come close enough to be loud, and there are trees along the street. Inner rooms and older faces developing under light falling through a skylight, yellower, later in the year....


Yeah, that's right, THAT flavor.
posted by Splunge at 8:02 PM on August 29, 2010 [6 favorites]


The Treaty of Gravalia
posted by Babblesort at 8:30 PM on August 29, 2010


The question is not whether the post is Pepsi-Blue, but rather, when you eat your Smarties, do you eat the red ones last? Do you suck them very slowly, or crunch them very fast? Eat those candy-coated chocolates, but tell me when I ask, when you eat your Smarties, do you eat the red ones last?
posted by KokuRyu at 8:45 PM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


Violet Smarties are currently dyed with cochineal, a derivative of the Cochineal insect which is listed in the ingredients as carminic acid. It is produced by crushing female Cochineal insects. Its presence means that Smarties are neither kosher, halal nor vegetarian.[6][7]
posted by KokuRyu at 8:48 PM on August 29, 2010


Splunge, you've just reminded me of the vileness of Turkish Delight and Maynard's Wine Gums. Which almost cancels out my notion that Cadbury alone can render English sweets superior, as an oeuvre.
posted by pineapple at 9:00 PM on August 29, 2010


the vileness of Turkish Delight

But it always sounded so good in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. Then again, the Narnia books also taught me not to trust swarthy Calormene-types, so it probably shouldn't be surprising that Lewis was also wrong when it came to confections.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:09 PM on August 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


But it always sounded so good in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

That was what I thought right up until the day I tried some. To think that little shit sold out his own brother and sisters for that chalky shit. No wonder Santa had to set him straight.
posted by nola at 9:17 PM on August 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


I like those Japanese gummy candies with the bean inside. Dunno what they're called. But they're sweet, soft, and powdery--good-feeling in the mouth.

Necco wafers taste like wafer-thin tums.

Now... HALVAH! yum.
posted by not_on_display at 9:26 PM on August 29, 2010


Turkish delight and blancmange are the two literary dessert disappointments in my life. The promise in the text wildly exceeded reality.
posted by EvaDestruction at 9:27 PM on August 29, 2010


Real turkish delight is like a million times better than the crap they call turkish delight in most Western countries. In my opinion, anyway.
posted by lwb at 9:38 PM on August 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would hope so lwb.
posted by nola at 9:42 PM on August 29, 2010


Splunge: I'm MeFi spousing you for putting the English Candy Drill on MetaFilter.

It's the only way I can think of to favorite this more than once.
posted by hippybear at 9:43 PM on August 29, 2010


Smarties made of chocolate? Why...why...that's just crazy!

Silly American! Those chalky discs are called Rockets.

/rocketpants
posted by Sys Rq at 10:08 PM on August 29, 2010


Turkish delight and blancmange are the two literary dessert disappointments in my life. The promise in the text wildly exceeded reality.

That link is a linkerary disappointment. I mean, ffs, they play tennis!
posted by Sys Rq at 10:12 PM on August 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


... and some of their songs weren't completely awful.
posted by philip-random at 10:52 PM on August 29, 2010


DU: “The link having been made by the person who made the item does not reduce the quality of the item. Thus a self-link can indeed be high quality. The reason for this rule is to avoid self-promotion.”

Yeah, that's true – but does anybody else remember that time I was talking about? I'm almost sure there was a self-link once (or more times?) on Metafilter that was allowed to stand. I can't remember a damned thing about it besides that, though. Anybody?
posted by koeselitz at 11:10 PM on August 29, 2010


Also, if we're going to talk about English candy, I have to say that Licorice All-Sorts make life worth living.
posted by koeselitz at 11:11 PM on August 29, 2010


compared to their vastly more brilliant chalky-candy counterpart: NECCO Wafers.

I literally can't even parse this sentence. NECCO Wafers are one of the worst things in the candy world.
posted by cj_ at 12:24 AM on August 30, 2010 [3 favorites]


And the best thing about American Smarties is I can steal them all from a Halloween candy haul without the kids caring, unlike peanut butter cups.
posted by cj_ at 12:25 AM on August 30, 2010


Move over Diet Coke & Mentos! In this demonstration you'll find out what happens when you combine Pepsi, Necco Wafers, and a lighter. Don't try this at home! The reaction is pretty cool

HOW TO MAKE PEPSI NECCO FIREBALLS

-www.wonderhowto.com/how-to-make-pepsi-necco-wafer-fireballs-272789

theres a video
posted by clavdivs at 12:43 AM on August 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


that was so 3 years ago
posted by clavdivs at 12:47 AM on August 30, 2010


And the best thing about American Smarties is I can steal them all from a Halloween candy haul without the kids caring, unlike peanut butter cups.

if you touch my peanut butter cups i will cut you
posted by secret about box at 4:24 AM on August 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


If we're talking British candy, I have a slavish devotion to Lion Bars. When I did a semester abroad in England all of my friends and I became fans and hauled back giant bags of them. I have no idea why they aren't really sold in the US (although I have found a few suppliers). I'm dying to try a Peanut Butter Lion Bar, but apparently I will actually have to travel to England for that since it's a "limited edition" bar.
posted by miss-lapin at 5:36 AM on August 30, 2010


When I was growing up and reading the Chronicles of Narnia, I always thought Turkish Delight was turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy a la American Thanksgiving, which was always my favorite meal of the year. Imagine my surprise when I discovered what Turkish Delight really was, and that Turkish didn't mean turkey at all.
posted by Roger Dodger at 6:44 AM on August 30, 2010


Both my wife and I thought that hoarhound candy must be wonderful, given how much the Laura Ingalls loved it.

It is awful. Like a jar of molasses gone bad.
posted by DU at 6:58 AM on August 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


Yeah, that's true – but does anybody else remember that time I was talking about? I'm almost sure there was a self-link once (or more times?) on Metafilter that was allowed to stand. I can't remember a damned thing about it besides that, though. Anybody?

You're not crazy, but I'd have to go looking and I'm not sure where to start either. This would have been a good long time ago, several years at least, and basically came down to Matt being a big softy if I remember right. There was also I think at least one occasion later on where Matt declined to ban someone who had been around forever and been a good contributor but also made a dumb-ass self-link, and at least one I can think of where we went ahead and banned someone after all in the same context. Eleven years makes for some weird edgecases.

Back in prehistory it was actually indeed not considered a problem at all. It wasn't until after the first year or so I want to say that the subject became an established one at all, and the actual prohibition came along after that. I thought I did a roundup of the history and evolution of the self-link rule a while back, but damned if I can find it now.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:08 AM on August 30, 2010


Everyone simmer down; although we may have our differences about Necco Wafers and Smarties, I think we can all come together as one in our distaste for Circus Peanuts. (Do they even have those vile confections outside the US? Does anybody in other lands like them or is their lack of appeal a common thread binding all humanity?)
posted by TedW at 7:11 AM on August 30, 2010


Turkish delight! One of the funniest references I have heard:
"what did you think of the new Madonna album? (Hard Candy)
"It's ok, but something is off..."
"I don't think you can claim to be in touch with the youth of today if you reference one of the first and best "delights" of your candy store as being Turkish."
!
posted by Tchad at 7:18 AM on August 30, 2010


Everyone simmer down; although we may have our differences about Necco Wafers and Smarties, I think we can all come together as one in our distaste for Circus Peanuts. (Do they even have those vile confections outside the US? Does anybody in other lands like them or is their lack of appeal a common thread binding all humanity?)

Don't know about their availability in other countries, but the Straight Dope asked their readers to weigh in once.

Spangler offers a gelatin recipe which uses them. Presumably to make for someone you hate.
posted by zarq at 7:28 AM on August 30, 2010


I love Circus Peanuts - I always have. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you people who don't. I don't buy them often because if I do I'll eat the whole bag. I'm tired of you people acting like my favorite candy is some sort of disease.

and he meant 'viking' metaphorically - that he was an excellent, unstoppable, powerful dreamer.
posted by dirtdirt at 7:35 AM on August 30, 2010


I love Circus Peanuts - I always have.

Yep, me too. Great taste, great texture, and they're easy to keep putting down.

I don't think that I'm often in the minority in terms of mainstream preferences, but the fact that more people don't like these really surprises me.
posted by SpacemanStix at 8:22 AM on August 30, 2010


I like circus peanuts too, and smarties (the American version)... i despise Necco wafers though, but that's okay, my daughters will eat them.
posted by patheral at 8:38 AM on August 30, 2010


compared to their vastly more brilliant chalky-candy counterpart: NECCO Wafers.

I literally can't even parse this sentence. NECCO Wafers are one of the worst things in the candy world.
posted by cj_ at 3:24 AM on August 30 [1 favorite +] [!] Other [2/3]: «≡»


well, that's true, of course. What did you expect from a candy that comes wrapped all half-assed in wax paper? However, in terms of expectation and fulfillment, Good 'N Plenty are the real worst thing in the candy world because they Look! So! Pretty! and then you fling a handful in your mouth and CRUNCH! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGRGHGHGHGHGHG! Licorice!!1!!!!1 Ew.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:44 AM on August 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


cortex: “I thought I did a roundup of the history and evolution of the self-link rule a while back, but damned if I can find it now.”

Hmm. There seem to be 30 posts tagged with the selflink tag, apparently by back-taggers, mostly from the first two years of the site. The latest one, from 2004, coincidentally happens to have comments from my very first day as a mefite.

Pretty sure the one we're thinking of (I remember mathowie being a pushover about it, too, and people being a little upset) was later than that. I don't know, though.
posted by koeselitz at 9:01 AM on August 30, 2010


...even as you hem to the rule...

Do you mean hew to the rule?
posted by XMLicious at 9:39 AM on August 30, 2010


I did, didn't I? Now I realize I was confusing 'hew' with the fourth definition of hem here (not the third one, incidentally).
posted by koeselitz at 10:00 AM on August 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


Those of you that hate Necco wafers, try to find a package of all chocolate. As long you have something to drink, you may change your mind.
posted by soelo at 10:53 AM on August 30, 2010


|This would have been a good long time ago, several years at least, and basically came down to Matt being a big softy if I remember right.

Matt references one such event in relation to Hoder.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:54 AM on August 30, 2010


> I did, didn't I? Now I realize I was confusing 'hew' with the fourth definition of hem here

Huh, and here I assumed it was a simple typo.
posted by languagehat at 11:05 AM on August 30, 2010


Y'all're crazy. Turkish Delight is awesome. Harry & David's Aplets and Cotlets are reminiscent of it, but stuffed with things.

I had a thing for Necco wafers as a kid, except the licorice ones. They taste like something out of Miss Havisham's third-best pocketbook.
posted by catlet at 11:17 AM on August 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


languagehat: “Huh, and here I assumed it was a simple typo.”

Hee. No, it's worse. I've been saying "the yard seems to be hewed in by the hedgerow" for a while now.
posted by koeselitz at 11:24 AM on August 30, 2010


Part apologist and part explanation - I posted the original Pepsi Blue link for the sole reason that the godawful color looked like either windshield washer fluid or the ubiquitous fluid used to show the absorbency of diapers and maxipads. Like Heinz' green ketchup, it was preposterously disgusting and fascinating.

And for what it's worth, I did a quick browse through most of my posts and about 90% of them are now 404 errors or domain parking.
posted by plinth at 11:33 AM on August 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


And the best thing about American Smarties is I can steal them all from a Halloween candy haul without the kids caring

There is a REASON for this. Which is that they are nasty. It's like eating baby aspirin. The children are wise and they KNOW.

I had a thing for Necco wafers as a kid, except the licorice ones. They taste like something out of Miss Havisham's third-best pocketbook.

Yeah, this is true.
posted by pineapple at 12:24 PM on August 30, 2010


Traitour!

FTFY
posted by Mister_A at 12:48 PM on August 30, 2010


Smoking Smarties.

I did link to the differences between the US candy and elsewhere.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:03 PM on August 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


I have conclusive, scientific proof Circus Peanuts cause explosive reactions if they are stored for several weeks in the glove compartment of my father's Chevrolet.

For the same reason, it is important not to leave them in a hamster cage.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:47 PM on August 30, 2010


Splunge, you've just reminded me of the vileness of Turkish Delight and Maynard's Wine Gums.

Feh. Maynard's are squidgy nonsense for southerners. Lion, from Cleckheaton, are the real deal, in spite of Maynard's trying to suppress them.
posted by holgate at 3:08 PM on August 30, 2010


been going on for years... iirc there was some clothing company video ads a few years back that was pure porn and there was the attendant FPP about it. Shay? Shai? something like that.
posted by edgeways at 8:56 PM on August 30, 2010


if you touch my peanut butter cups i will cut you

Yeah?! The amazing thing about being an adult is I can BUY A WHOLE BAG OF THESE to "give out" on halloween, then keep all the ones that are left over (all of them, as it happens). So take that.

There is a REASON for this. Which is that they are nasty.

Well they are still better than Tootsie Rolls. Those things aren't even fit for me to steal from my children while they are in bed and I've had a few beers.

I seriously wonder who buys Tootsie Rolls to give out to children on Halloween. They must be sadists.
posted by cj_ at 11:05 PM on August 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


They must be sadists [...] Or unethical dentists

I'm not sure this is an OR operation.

I hope that was a baby tooth.
posted by cj_ at 11:17 PM on August 30, 2010


Actual Turkish Delight (and not the rose flavoured stuff, the ones with a bit of pistachio in the middle) is fantastic. My mom brought me some from Turkey and I suddenly understood poor Edmund's situation. That "Big Turk" stuff is absolutely nothing like Turkish Delight and should be banned.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:59 AM on August 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


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