scody is really the best.
But it should have been called the "abplanalp valve" and aerosol cans should be called abplanalps.
I must stop here for a moment and explain that I had been on a lot of interviews in that awful suit by that time -- editorial assistant gigs, museum office assistant gigs, marketing assistant gigs for various businesses -- and I had botched every single interview in one way or another. I screwed up the typing test (which is pretty much the main requirement for an editorial assistant), or I'd show up late after having left my resume on the train, or I'd be asked why I wanted to be a marketing assistant in a small manufacturing firm specializing in heating coils and I'd answer honestly that, actually, I didn't want to do any such thing; I was on my way to becoming a Famous Writer but that I needed a job in the meantime to pay off my student loans. I did not get any second interviews.
So I show up in my terrible suit at the address. And it's the Ailes Production Co.
Now, I was enough of a dyed-in-the-wool lefty at the age of 22 to know who Roger Ailes was; I was the kind of girl who had a Lee Atwater dart board in her dorm room, for god's sake. I grew up in a household where, when I was a small child, I was told that it was Nixon personally throwing garbage at the feet of the crying Indian.
I considered simply not going to the interview, but then I wouldn't be sent out for any other interviews by my job agency. So I decided that I would go in and fuck up. You know, just be so obviously poorly suited (and not just because of my bad interview suit!) for the job. Fine. It would be over, I would maybe go poke around the Strand for awhile, then go home. So I squared my shoulders, took a breath, and walked in.
Tall, beautiful, dynamic, engaging, friendly, thoughtful, accessible, intelligent, passionate, conscientious, strong, brave, clever, wry, fun at parties and a goddamned hypocrite.
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