Trying to find an AskMe answer about what to do if you're swamped by the press/paparazzi. August 23, 2012 9:37 PM   Subscribe

Trying to find an AskMe answer about what to do if you're swamped by the press/paparazzi.

It was a very long answer, possibly a Best Of Metafilter, and one of the suggestions was to leave a building at 3 or 5 AM, because the press will be asleep outside the building.

I know this sounds incredibly vague, but I've been trying to find it for over a year - I read it before I had a Metafilter account to add favorites in.

Thank you!
posted by facehugger to MetaFilter-Related at 9:37 PM (29 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Dahling, what I do is smile and turn my best side to the cameras.
posted by Cranberry at 11:47 PM on August 23, 2012 [3 favorites]


The only thing I find is this, paparazzi misspelled...also likely not what you had in mind.
posted by Namlit at 12:08 AM on August 24, 2012


I occasionally punch one in the face, they love it and it helps keep up my rogueish image.
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:03 AM on August 24, 2012


Two words: Ambien brownies.
posted by Splunge at 6:02 AM on August 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


eponysterical
posted by Eideteker at 6:16 AM on August 24, 2012


Wigs, sunglasses, dressing down, and service entrances. That's always worked for me.
posted by hippybear at 6:42 AM on August 24, 2012


You can do what Daniel Radcliffe did and ware the same outfit outside for six months so the photos couldn't be sold as ' new'
posted by The Whelk at 6:50 AM on August 24, 2012 [6 favorites]


You can do what Daniel Radcliffe did and ware the same outfit outside for six months so the photos couldn't be sold as ' new'
posted by The Whelk at 6:50 AM on August 24 [+] [!]


Sweet! I've totally got that covered!
posted by From Bklyn at 6:58 AM on August 24, 2012 [3 favorites]


Are you sure that wasn't Albert Einstein? Oh, that story was fake. But he actually stuck his tongue out in exasperation at photographers! I learned two things today! Now I want to find pictures of dapper Einstein.
posted by filthy light thief at 7:22 AM on August 24, 2012


Now I want to find pictures of dapper Einstein.

Not so hard.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:41 AM on August 24, 2012


I'm sorry that I don't have a link to the answer, but I usually just flicker out of existence, leaving only my grin behind before it finally disappears. Then I flicker back into existence at Whole Foods, or wherever else I happen to be going. Whole Foods is just an example. I was just using that as an example because they have pretty good prices on cashews there. So you might consider rematerializing there to get some cashews (roasted, salted). They're a pretty good snack. Hope this helps.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:44 AM on August 24, 2012 [3 favorites]


I seem to remember this, too, facehugger, but a boring scroll through my favorites reveals that I either did not favorite or do not have the patience to truly scroll through my favorites.
posted by crush-onastick at 8:52 AM on August 24, 2012




Well that's all good advice if you're attacked by a roving documentary crew but what about when the press gets wind that you're at the Groucho Club off your mind on mushrooms with a blazer full of olives and no pants and they've begun to surround the building? What then?
posted by The Whelk at 12:20 PM on August 24, 2012 [1 favorite]


Boy, do I hate when that happens.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:43 PM on August 24, 2012


Stay inside, obvs.
posted by maryr at 1:29 PM on August 24, 2012


But damian hirst will make me do more shots and I already can't see
posted by The Whelk at 1:31 PM on August 24, 2012 [2 favorites]


Just show him something shiny. That ought to distract him.
posted by maryr at 1:40 PM on August 24, 2012


Look it's Jude law's forehead

Look how shiny
posted by The Whelk at 4:38 PM on August 24, 2012


I think I remember this too. Was it posted by someone who was a professional 'handler'. Someone rich people hire to make their problems go away or at least help them minimize them as much as possible. He was giving advice on what to do yourself if you're not lucky enough to be able to hire him. Does that sound like it?
posted by marsha56 at 10:33 PM on August 24, 2012


If this is it, I think it may have been on the blue in a thread where a public person was in a current scandal. Searching MeFi for 'handler' turns up 416 comments. Sigh...
posted by marsha56 at 10:34 PM on August 24, 2012


(Cite for the radcliffe thing. Considering he's kind of huge dork I wouldn't be surprised if the idea came from the Einstein story.)
posted by The Whelk at 5:29 AM on August 25, 2012 [2 favorites]


marsha56, you're thinking of this comment:
Dear Tiger Woods, Christopher Lee, Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, Hugh Grant, Mark Sanford, and all other public figures who not only can't manage marital fidelity, but fail on a spectacularly public stage:

There are people for this. Sometimes we're called handlers. Or fixers. Body men. Executive assistants. Personal assistants.

It doesn't matter what title you use, but the job description is the same: we run interference between your squeaky-clean reputation, and all the nasty little peccadilloes that you simply can't stay away from which would otherwise ruin it.



We create labyrinthine layers between you and danger. The messier and nastier your compulsion, the more complex the layers and further removed you'll be. We know the wheres and hows of due diligence, alibis, pseudonyms, disposable phones, throwaway emails, and paper trail elimination. We drive non-descript cars. We have forgettable names and faces, although we remember everything. We have access to cash. We know which hotels have discreet staff, and which are never to be used. We know which of your habits need to take place in private facilities. Or other countries.



So make the call: your urge, or your career. If you can't give up the urge, hire a fixer. If you can't afford a fixer, give up the urge.

But you can't both satisfy the urge and succeed at the public career. You're not that clever, and you're too egotistical. You believe both that you can't possibly get caught... and that if you do, you can minimize the fallout. You're wrong on both counts. Stop embarrassing yourself, your family, and your constituents/fans.

Regards,
Every political aide in the history of time, back to Henry VIII and the Caesar dynasty
I don't think that's the one the OP is thinking of though, is it?
posted by heatherann at 5:48 AM on August 25, 2012 [3 favorites]


That's a fantastic post you found, heatherann, but no, it's not it. It was more on how to avoid the press than the people helping you avoid the press. I wish I could remember more details, but it was so long ago - it was one of the many amazing posts that convinced me to join Metafilter.
posted by facehugger at 8:23 PM on August 25, 2012


Myabe someone should ask it again? What ARE the effective paparazzi avoiding tips?

Joesph Gordon-Levitt start starting filming then back if you recall.
posted by The Whelk at 8:31 PM on August 25, 2012


Is it crucial to avoid them? Often the best approach is to be uninteresting, calm, boilerplate answers, or no answer with a friendly wave, walk on your way cheerfully. If it's simply an issue of too many interview requests, work out 2 or three clever responses to the most common questions (and they will be repeated ad nauseum) and just repeat them. Stay "on message." It feels canned but it works.

Or disguise yourself as a heavy set person of an obviously different race and gender, and let hilarity ensue. (Works best in lowbrow comedy movies)
posted by msalt at 12:05 AM on August 26, 2012


Also, what did you do?!?!? You can tell us, there are no writers on MeFi.
posted by msalt at 12:06 AM on August 26, 2012 [2 favorites]


just look like a gross monster all the time, very effective.
posted by The Whelk at 12:26 AM on August 26, 2012


[derail]
So I saw that letter was addressed to Christopher Lee, thought you were referring to the monster-movie star Christopher Lee, got worried, clicked the link, realized it was a different man with the same name, and felt relief.
[/derail]
posted by pxe2000 at 5:22 AM on August 26, 2012


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