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Looking for a MeTa April 23, 2013 9:52 AM   Subscribe

Does anyone remember a MeTa about AskMe questions that really, really did not go the way the asker expected? I can't seem to find the post I'm thinking of. It would have been fairly recent, probably posted in the last year or so.
posted by capricorn to MetaFilter-Related at 9:52 AM (421 comments total) 27 users marked this as a favorite



There's been a lot of askmes that didn't go the way the poster expected and a lot of metas about those. The link above is going to be what you need.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:04 AM on April 23, 2013


I like the fact that there is such a sense of community here that all you have to do is say "the hat thread" and about 100 people will wince from the memory.
posted by The Whelk at 10:04 AM on April 23, 2013 [17 favorites]


Terrible enablers.
posted by boo_radley at 10:10 AM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thank you, beryllium! Mods, feel free to close this thread if you'd like.
posted by capricorn at 10:11 AM on April 23, 2013


hat hats hat hats ♫ hats (♪ hat?)
posted by beryllium at 10:13 AM on April 23, 2013


*winces*
posted by languagehat at 10:33 AM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


*gives langwedgie*
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:33 AM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


The hat thread was the single most intractable AskMe, moderation-wise, that I have seen since I started working here. It was bizarre.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:34 AM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


we have very strong opinions on things that go on heads and feet.
posted by The Whelk at 10:36 AM on April 23, 2013


(did Greg Nog ever share a photo of his cape?)
posted by The Whelk at 10:36 AM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Whelk: "we have very strong opinions on things that go on heads and feet."

Note to self: Show Whelk my porkpie shoes.
posted by boo_radley at 10:37 AM on April 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


Taters, hats and banjos the trinity of MeFi wince-inducing topics.
posted by 26.2 at 10:39 AM on April 23, 2013


The Whelk: "we have very strong opinions on things that go on heads and feet."

Solution: Naked Meetups.
posted by zarq at 10:42 AM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Why was the hat thread so awful?

(I'm thinking of the right one, right? Wearing hats indoors?)
posted by Solomon at 10:44 AM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Solomon: "Why was the hat thread so awful?

(I'm thinking of the right one, right? Wearing hats indoors?)
"

There's only one way to find out: click the link. Cliiiiick it.
posted by boo_radley at 10:47 AM on April 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


Meanwhile, the hat question remains unresolved....
posted by zarq at 10:49 AM on April 23, 2013


Oh also I read the prior MeTa that beryllium linked to and got all excited to see elizardbits posting again, then got sad to see how old that thread was, then got all excited again to see that elizardsbits is posting again for realsies.
posted by boo_radley at 10:49 AM on April 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


The hat thread. It doesn't show up so much after, but there were literally thirty deleted comments, from a pantyhose derail, to an asslessness-of-chaps derail, to directly insulting comments ranging from accusations of douchebaggery to sanctimoniousness. For whatever reason, otherwise normal AskMe commenters decided that it was not an AskMe thread but a blue thread, or something.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:51 AM on April 23, 2013 [14 favorites]


Metafilter: an asslessness-of-chaps derail
posted by The Whelk at 10:52 AM on April 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


For a second I was getting the hat askme and the hat FPP mixed up, and was wondering if I was just imagining participating.

Now THAT was a perfect storm: hats and PUAs.
posted by Gygesringtone at 11:02 AM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Well shoot, I meant to link to the post not my comment. I just got there by looking at the comment.
posted by Gygesringtone at 11:07 AM on April 23, 2013


Yea, this eBay thread is amazing. Your basic internet vigilantism, complete with collecting evidence, doxxing, public shaming, police reports, and so on.
posted by murfed13 at 11:08 AM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


This should really have been posted in meta.MeTa.metafilter.com.
posted by phunniemee at 11:13 AM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also holy shit, my wife does the "eggshells go back in the fridge" thing. It's like Amok Time whenever I want an omelet.
posted by boo_radley at 11:14 AM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


why on earth would you put empty eggshells in a fridge, i don't even
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:30 AM on April 23, 2013 [21 favorites]


Taters, hats and banjos the trinity of MeFi wince-inducing topics.

I am now humming this phrase to the tune of a song I heard once called "Music Sex and Cookies."
It's taters, hats and banjos,
Banjos, taters and hats,
You can give 'em to me all or one at a time
I don't care which one I get next time
I've tried therapy and LSD
And I've been lost but now I'm found
And it's taters, hats and banjos
Makes my world go 'round
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:32 AM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Speaking of hats, I was very tempted by some flat caps when I was in Ireland until it dawned on me that my day-to-day wear was already indistinguishable from a retired Irish farmer and the cap would do me no favors.
posted by The Whelk at 11:34 AM on April 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


The hat thread was the single most intractable AskMe, moderation-wise, that I have seen since I started working here. It was bizarre.

A friend of mine just mentioned it over e-mail and I started reading the thread and was seriously just thinking about how much the thread needed to be re-opened so I could yell at people about how wrong they are.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:35 AM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


cortex: "why on earth would you put empty eggshells in a fridge, i don't even"

"For the garden", she says! I say "put them in with the coffee grounds and satsuma peels"! She refuses and claims they'll stink up the place. Why can't we just put that coffee can outside on the deck, I wonder? Answer: BECAUSE IT MIGHT RAIN IN THE COMPOST MATERIAL.

* waves hands, jumps out window *
posted by boo_radley at 11:36 AM on April 23, 2013 [31 favorites]


Everyone knows that half of your eggshells belong in the pancake batter and the other half belong in the garbage disposal. That's the way my dad taught me, and I'm sticking by it.
posted by phunniemee at 11:39 AM on April 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


I say "put them in with the coffee grounds and satsuma peels"! She refuses and claims they'll stink up the place.

...And the coffee grounds aren't doing this?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:40 AM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wow. I went to the thread beryllium linked to and got lost in it and now I know, or at least I think I know, what Afterpants are and I can't help but think of After M*A*S*H when I think of Afterpants and in my head I'm making up one hell of a story about Hotlips, Klinger, and Col. Potter.
posted by bondcliff at 11:40 AM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


If it's no trouble I would like a comprehensive list of MeTa threads that didn't go as the poster intended.
posted by pdq at 11:41 AM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


I think the list of MeTa threads that did go as the poster intended would be shorter.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:47 AM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


phunniemee: "Everyone knows that half of your eggshells belong in the pancake batter "

what
posted by zarq at 11:47 AM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


What if I'm not making pancakes do I need to keep batter on hand just for eggshell disposal?
posted by shakespeherian at 11:49 AM on April 23, 2013


More recently was poor quarter life crisis guy, who hopefully has since learned that humans typically don't live to 128. Same poster also asked a question about his wife being overweight (and not joining him in triathlon training), which took a distinct turn after a Mefite pieced together that said wife was three months post partum.
posted by murfed13 at 11:49 AM on April 23, 2013 [12 favorites]


accusations of douchebaggery And I still stand by my comment.
posted by Ideefixe at 11:53 AM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Everyone knows that half of your eggshells belong in the pancake batter

everyone but everyone knows
you add calcium to your batters and doughs
using roasted and toasted and ground up bones
from your vanquished foes
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:55 AM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


You keep the batter in the fridge, shakes.
posted by griphus at 11:55 AM on April 23, 2013


won't he get cold though
posted by shakespeherian at 11:59 AM on April 23, 2013 [13 favorites]


Oh, so long as we're talking about hats: anyone have a good spring hat recommendation? I was going to wear my fall hat through spring but the dog got bored and now it (the hat, not the dog) has tiny chew marks invisible to all but me.

So obviously I need a new hat ASAP.
posted by griphus at 12:00 PM on April 23, 2013


Old-timey, brown leather football cap.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:01 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Only really a Fez will go with your beard.
posted by The Whelk at 12:02 PM on April 23, 2013


And for God's sake, don't take it off when you get inside!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:02 PM on April 23, 2013


Old-timey, brown leather football cap.

Perfect! Those are delicious. The dog will appreciate the gesture.
posted by phunniemee at 12:02 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


What breed of dog is it? Ceno?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:05 PM on April 23, 2013


She's a puggle-Cujo mix.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:06 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I have a sudden and profound desire for a Lemarchand's Box chewtoy.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:07 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


TO ETSY!
posted by griphus at 12:12 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


By the way, all chaps are assless, otherwise they're just pants.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:13 PM on April 23, 2013 [12 favorites]


Most of the chaps I know are assless, but I've been saying for a while that they need to do more squats.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:14 PM on April 23, 2013 [16 favorites]


I feel like I've made this comment before, but most chaps use the ass of the pants underneath them. Therefore assless chaps = chaps without supplementary ass. I mean, I get why it makes people pedantic but it seems like a critical distinction to me.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 12:17 PM on April 23, 2013 [12 favorites]


I pledged for Chaps Without Supplementary Ass, but after receiving a disturbing voicemail from alumnus Michael Shannon I thought better of it.
posted by griphus at 12:18 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


We had a marvelous TA when I took intro to archaeology who decided that appropriate attire for teaching an archaeology class full of 400 undergraduates was FANTASY. He had pretty long, curly red hair, and typically wore a large medallion on a leather string around his neck. He was fond of pirate shirts that billowed and didn't button until about the bottom of his sternum, and tall renfaire boots, and also, on one memorable day, a pair of assless chaps (fortunately, yes, supplemented by the pants he was wearing below the chaps). We called him Fancy Pants the TA and relished the days he lectured as the best of days.
posted by ChuraChura at 12:24 PM on April 23, 2013 [48 favorites]


This is the hat you want.
posted by arcticseal at 12:30 PM on April 23, 2013


Hellraiser hat - doubles as doggie chew toy.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:31 PM on April 23, 2013


My new life goal is to be referred to behind my back as Professor Fancy Pants.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:31 PM on April 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


(well, that's really two improbable life goals wrapped into one - but you get what I mean)
posted by en forme de poire at 12:32 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Now explain the expression 'This really chaps my ass'
posted by shakespeherian at 12:32 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I kind of want those hats which makes you people worse than useless.

Also, I believe that is the Amulet of Tenure your TA had. It's worth 15,000 GP, adds 10 ranks to Knowledge: Archaeology and allows him to cast "Grade While Drunk" once per day.
posted by griphus at 12:33 PM on April 23, 2013 [12 favorites]


What do we call men from England with underdeveloped derrieres? Backless blokes?
posted by The Whelk at 12:35 PM on April 23, 2013


ChuraChura, was Fancy Pants the TA a time-traveling young Dumbledore?
posted by Mizu at 12:39 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


The fanciest of pants!
posted by The Whelk at 12:42 PM on April 23, 2013


Slack Power!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:57 PM on April 23, 2013


Be the cock of the walk!
posted by The Whelk at 1:05 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


So he shopped here, then?
posted by emjaybee at 1:10 PM on April 23, 2013


It was the best of hats, it was the worst of hats, it was the age of fedoras, it was the age of ball caps, it was the epoch of hipsters, it was the epoch of cowboys, it was the season of douchebaggery, it was the season of hobo mouthbreathers, it was the spring of pantyhose, it was the winter of flip flops, we had assless chaps before us, we had chaps without supplementary ass before us, we were all going direct to Applebee's, we were all going direct to PF Chang's ...
posted by murfed13 at 1:14 PM on April 23, 2013 [7 favorites]


The fact that we're not mentioning monocles saddens me to no end.
posted by kinetic at 1:14 PM on April 23, 2013


If you want the real aristocratic flavor, you want a pince-nez.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 1:22 PM on April 23, 2013


I can't believe that in neither this nor the previous MeTa thread, not one brought up the fake accent question.
posted by deanc at 1:22 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


If you want the real aristocratic flavor, you want a pince-nez.

I pear at you disdainfully from my Lorgnette
posted by The Whelk at 1:30 PM on April 23, 2013


Oh dear. Are you going to peach me next?
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 1:36 PM on April 23, 2013


by the apple of my eye.
posted by The Whelk at 1:40 PM on April 23, 2013


hard core
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:45 PM on April 23, 2013


I do the eggshells thing this is why:

It takes, say, 2 joules of energy to put an eggshell, drippy and crumbly, in the trash. It takes 1 joule of energy to put it back in the container which is right next to where I'm cracking it. Then, when the eggs are gone, it takes 2 joules to throw the container away anyway. No fuss no muss. Being as lazy as I am takes a lot of careful forethought.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:51 PM on April 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


This thread was a rabbithole and at the bottom of the rabbithole were more rabbitholes. I love and hate you all in roughly equal proportions.

Wait, people other than my wife do the eggshell thing? I just thought she was a nutbar. Now I know the truth. You're all nutbars.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 1:52 PM on April 23, 2013


Payday is the best nutbar.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:55 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


I do put the orange juice pulp back in the fridge afterwards, which I guess is similar to the egg thing; I just strain the o.j. through my teeth, like a whale using its baleen on krill, 'til I have a nice big chunk of pulp behind my incisors. Then I let drop it back onto the shelf where the orange juice container was, where it lands with a satisfying "clud".
posted by Greg Nog at 1:55 PM on April 23, 2013 [14 favorites]


why on earth would you put empty eggshells in a fridge, i don't even

I generally think of myself as a slob. It's torture for me to clean and takes forever, and generally I barely get things off the floor even after a few weekend hours.

Then I read Metafilter and between stuff like this and people leaving cabinet doors open just because closing them means more work or something (??)

I feel like a clean freak. Thanks Metafilter!
posted by sweetkid at 1:56 PM on April 23, 2013 [9 favorites]


The Whelk: "I pear at you disdainfully from my Lorgnette"

I refuse to consider anything that is basically named "squinters".
posted by boo_radley at 1:56 PM on April 23, 2013


I just strain the o.j. through my teeth

That's just silly. The proper way to strain orange juice is through a mai tai.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:59 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


My behavior in The Hat AskMe is one of my bigger internet regrets.

I mean, NO HATS INDOORS 4 LYFE and all, but I was really mean about it. Damn.
posted by Sara C. at 2:00 PM on April 23, 2013


I refuse to consider anything that is basically named "squinters".

but that's the whole point god
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:02 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I imagine that you people who feel you have some inalienable right to see the top of my head unobscured by a piece of cloth when I am indoors also believe that tall people should walk on their knees when they are indoors so you can be sure of... whatever it is that your obsession compels you to witness?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:07 PM on April 23, 2013


/poke, poke
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:08 PM on April 23, 2013


*quietly places hat on head*
posted by shakespeherian at 2:09 PM on April 23, 2013


I mean, NO HATS INDOORS 4 LYFE and all, but I was really mean about it. Damn.

I did a search for my username in the hat thread and had the sigh of relief that I didn't contribute, because I am a "I know the social conventions, so if I am wearing a hat indoors it's probably to piss you off," sort of guy and I would have been mean about it too.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:09 PM on April 23, 2013


I did a search for my username in the hat thread and had the sigh of relief that I didn't contribute

I'm just going to leave this here.

It doesn't show up so much after, but there were literally thirty deleted comments

Ahem.
posted by murfed13 at 2:13 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


I mean, NO HATS INDOORS 4 LYFE and all, but I was really mean about it. Damn.

But someone was being WRONG on the internet. NO HATS INDOORS 4 LYFE is RIGHT.

(Please direct vitriol at me and not Sara C.)
posted by sweetkid at 2:32 PM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


If you're inside, take your hat off. If you're in a big lobby, fine, leave it on, but take it off in the staircase or the elevator.

If you're gonna settle in, take your shoes off. If not, leave 'em on. If you're not sure, leave 'em on.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:37 PM on April 23, 2013


If you're inside, take your pants off. If you're in a candle factory, fine, leave them on, but take them off in the staircase or the elevator.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:45 PM on April 23, 2013 [9 favorites]


I think the removing your hat indoors thing is a social convention that is actually backed by a more practical concern. Hats were not just for looking cool but to protect you from the elements, as such they most likely would have been covered with dust and dirt from the road or dripping wet from rain. Who wants someone dripping water all through their house off a filthy hat.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:45 PM on April 23, 2013


Etta James disagrees.
posted by ChuraChura at 2:46 PM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


My pants are dirtier than my hat by a long shot.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:47 PM on April 23, 2013


Wait, when have Banjos been controversial on Metafilter?
posted by drezdn at 2:47 PM on April 23, 2013


If you're inside, take a load off, Annie. If you've pulled into Nazareth, take a load for free.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:47 PM on April 23, 2013 [7 favorites]


I used to wear my banjo on my head, which was the fashion at the time.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:48 PM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


I think "you can leave your hat on" means my husband is going to be back soon so don't get too comfortable.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:48 PM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


Then why take your coat off real slow? Surely one should move quickly in such a situation.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:50 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


My behavior in The Hat AskMe is one of my bigger internet regrets.

It is my frequent vague recollections of that thread that always leave me surprised when you mention that you're not originally from NYC.
posted by elizardbits at 2:54 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


I always thought "you can leave your hat on" meant "you look real sexy in that hat, so why don't you keep it on for some sexytimes?"

I did not think it was a commentary on proper hat etiquette, and neither did I think it was a veiled reference to a furtive extramarital quickie.
posted by Sara C. at 2:58 PM on April 23, 2013 [7 favorites]


"posted by elizardbits "

WOOOOHOOO!!!!! YAY! Welcome back, 'bits!
posted by zarq at 2:58 PM on April 23, 2013 [18 favorites]


"I feel like I've made this comment before, but most chaps use the ass of the pants underneath them. Therefore assless chaps = chaps without supplementary ass. I mean, I get why it makes people pedantic but it seems like a critical distinction to me."

This only works if the chaps are lying on the floor or hanging in the closet, or otherwise not being worn. If they're on someone, they're going to have a "supplementary ass" in them, and the chaps themselves still have no ass, because they're chaps.

Perhaps your example would be better expressed as "pantsless chaps".
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:59 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


surprised when you mention that you're not originally from NYC

Because I'm such an asshole, in True New Yorker fashion?
posted by Sara C. at 2:59 PM on April 23, 2013


I did not think it was a commentary on proper hat etiquette

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG, ETTA JAMES IS MISS MANNERS CANON
posted by shakespeherian at 3:01 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Then why take your coat off real slow? Surely one should move quickly in such a situation

Good question. I'm open to other readings of the song.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:03 PM on April 23, 2013


neither did I think it was a veiled reference

No veils indoors, either? Wow - you're strict!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:03 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


hatiquette, cmon people
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 3:03 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]



surprised when you mention that you're not originally from NYC

Because I'm such an asshole, in True New Yorker fashion?


I feel like that's a compliment and now I want one.
posted by sweetkid at 3:08 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


WOOOOHOOO!!!!! YAY! Welcome back, 'bits!

That. I just.

That might not be the best possible nickname for that handle.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 3:08 PM on April 23, 2013 [11 favorites]


A:WOOOOHOOO!!!!! YAY! Welcome back, 'bits!

Q: What is... the first thing guys say after losing 50 pounds?

THIS. IS. JEOPARDY!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:12 PM on April 23, 2013 [17 favorites]


I think "you can leave your hat on" means my husband is going to be back soon so don't get too comfortable.

Not unless Randy Newman was married to another man in the early 70s.
posted by Gygesringtone at 3:13 PM on April 23, 2013


Randy Newman just doesn't like short people, remember?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:14 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Maybe the hat's supposed to make them look taller?
posted by Gygesringtone at 3:15 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


restless_nomad: " That might not be the best possible nickname for that handle."

I was thinking, "I love her to 'bits."

Why, what were you thinking?
posted by zarq at 3:24 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Does it give you unsettling mental images of a lizard's bits? disturbing pictures of saurian dong?
posted by Cold Lurkey at 3:30 PM on April 23, 2013


Also, I believe that is the Amulet of Tenure your TA had. It's worth 15,000 GP, adds 10 ranks to Knowledge: Archaeology and allows him to cast "Grade While Drunk" once per day.

No, grading while drunk is a class feature for teaching assistants. The advantage of the amulet of tenure is that it eliminates the risk involved by protecting your grading process against scrying.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 3:44 PM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


Cold Lurkey: "Does it give you unsettling mental images of a lizard's bits? disturbing pictures of saurian dong?"

No.


*reaches for brain bleach*
posted by zarq at 3:45 PM on April 23, 2013


Yes

*Reaches for Rule 34*

posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:49 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


We've finally achieved MeTa perfection with Dino Dong.
posted by The Whelk at 3:50 PM on April 23, 2013


Which one was the AskMe with the guy who just wanted to eat breakfast food for the rest of his life? Or like one big breakfast for the week or something? Something about the question made me sad, along the lines of the guy who was worried about microwaving his Cake in a bowl. And all the answers were like "no your breakfast plan is unhealthy what's wrong with you???"

Tried searching for it but no luck
posted by sweetkid at 3:55 PM on April 23, 2013


Yes

*Reaches over to the mouse to click the Bad Dragon bookmark*
posted by pullayup at 3:59 PM on April 23, 2013


Dragon Naturally Freaking
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:01 PM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


More recently was poor quarter life crisis guy, who hopefully has since learned that humans typically don't live to 128.

I wonder about him all the time! I hope he is doing well.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:59 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


sweetkid, was it this one?
posted by en forme de poire at 5:57 PM on April 23, 2013


The food questions that make me sad are the ones that ask about pills that provide complete nutrition. I feel like we've had several.
posted by OmieWise at 6:12 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


I was all set to link to the gif of a dragon fucking a GTI, but then I got to wondering about why dragons fucking cars a thing at all? Why do I have to pick and choose between various dragon car fucking scenarios just to illustrate a throw away joke? WHY IS THERE A SUBREDDIT CONCERNING ALL THINGS DRAGON CAR FUCKING?
Can anyone explain to me, without using the justification "because /b, is why", why this car fucking?
don't click unless you have left over brain bleach zarq
posted by Cold Lurkey at 6:21 PM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


Dragons appreciate hot tailpipe.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:27 PM on April 23, 2013


I was looking out my window last night at the lake, and I saw some ducks, but they were white ducks with blood red beaks, and I realized they were loons, and the two of them reminded me of The Whelk and elizardbits and that night we were in some thread talking about lakes and things and how it was the best thread ever and then I went to bed and read some Scotsman novel and it was really crappy and today has been really cold and I don't understand why spring is so brrr and I made soup but it just wasn't the same after all that's gone on and then I saw elizardbits posted and I started to cry. Because something nice had come back after all the shit that had happened last week.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 6:40 PM on April 23, 2013 [10 favorites]


Can anyone explain to me, without using the justification "because /b, is why", why this car fucking?

There were a few original images on this sort of thing back in 2007 which you can find in this article about it (don't worry that's not a direct link). That was just a "LOL FURRIES" sort of thing which got a bit of 4chan uptake because it was amusing.

I can't really avoid the "because /b is why" but I understand it's not a good reason either.
posted by solarion at 6:41 PM on April 23, 2013


The food questions that make me sad are the ones that ask about pills that provide complete nutrition. I feel like we've had several.

Those make me sad too. Now I'm wondering why food questions make me sad.
posted by sweetkid at 6:42 PM on April 23, 2013


but srsly anyone remember this breakfast thing I am talking about
posted by sweetkid at 6:43 PM on April 23, 2013


I love love love food, but the complete nutrition pill question doesn't make me sad. Some folks just like different stuff than I do.
posted by Bugbread at 6:55 PM on April 23, 2013


It doesn't make me sad like, " I am superior" sad. It makes me like, existentially sad. Like sad trombone. I dunno how to explain it.
posted by sweetkid at 6:56 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Was it the one En Forme linked a few posts back, Sweetkid? You didn't respond to that one.

I have conflicting feelings about food pill questions; sometimes they sadden me, and sometimes I feel "man, eating is such a chore, that'd be a great idea".
posted by solarion at 7:02 PM on April 23, 2013


Does anyone remember the askme where the guy was looking for an explanation of how/why someone would be using his identity on a porn or dating site (sorry, can't remember which) so that he could prove to his wife that it wasn't him and then his wife showed up in the comments giving her side of the story and pretty much exposing him as a liar? Or did I just dream this? Or am I confused and conflating bits and pieces from different askme's?
posted by marsha56 at 7:06 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


are you thinking of ennui? It sounds like ennui.
posted by boo_radley at 7:06 PM on April 23, 2013


sweetkid, was it this one?

sorry I missed it! No it wasn't that one, it was this guy who said he loved breakfast food, and wanted to make one big breakfast each day or maybe just a giant breakfast to last several days? For some reason it sort of broke my heart and I'd like to see it again. To break my heart again? What am I?
posted by sweetkid at 7:07 PM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


Can anyone explain to me, without using the justification "because /b, is why", why this car fucking?

As a former roommate always said when confronted with a tale of bizarre sex - "...eh. Wiring is weird."

But it's put me in mind of a more serious tangent - there was this wonderful short story I read in an anthology once; a young woman who was the only survivor of some kind of nuclear holocaust. She was a student of robotics, and was halfway through building something when the bombs fell - she decided to spend her last few days of life creating first one robotic being, and then a second, in some desperate hope to re-establish life of a sort on Earth; and so she built them to resemble dinosaur-type creatures, but one male and one female. And in the second-to-last scene, there is indeed evidence of her creations gettin' it on. And the very last scene, just before she crawls into a hole to finally succumb to radiation sickness - she comes upon what looks like a giant metal egg, and there is something definitively inside. Life wins out; her species may be going extinct, but life has won out.

...So, um, the gif of a dragon fucking a car reminded me of that and so it wasn't mentally scarring. (cough)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:08 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Now I want to read that story, and not just so I won't be so scarred by the whole dragon thing.
posted by Gygesringtone at 7:26 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Found it - it's Love And Sex Among The Invertebrates by Pat Murphy. Apparently you can get it as a Kindle single.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:39 PM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


Sweetkid, are you thinking of this question?
posted by I'myourMuppet at 7:50 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


YES OMG YES THAT IS IT.
posted by sweetkid at 7:56 PM on April 23, 2013


oh and I answered in it and was sympathetic and encouraging to the OP. Oh I am eponysterical.
posted by sweetkid at 7:58 PM on April 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


I was just reading that thread yesterday because I accidentally clicked on the poster's profile while reading the "Can I live in a 24hr music practice space?" question and fell down the rabbit hole. I'm glad it ended up being good for something.
posted by I'myourMuppet at 8:01 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I desperately want to see the one with the porn accounts and the wife and the lying. Because I hate life, basically.
posted by Sara C. at 8:03 PM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


Sara C., feel free to favorite your own comment there.
posted by slogger at 8:06 PM on April 23, 2013


I feel we should derail slightly to talk about the AskMes which have started irl fights amongst our friends and families. LIKE THE FUCKING SOUP/CEREAL QUESTION.

i just wanna fite about that some more really
posted by elizardbits at 8:18 PM on April 23, 2013


CEREAL IS NOT SOUP
posted by sweetkid at 8:20 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


SOUP IS NOT CEREAL
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:23 PM on April 23, 2013


Cereal may not be soup but tacos are totes sandwiches.

My favorite was the guy who's girlfriend got an mms of a cock the day after she stayed out all night without calling, the guy was thinking maybe she cheated and it was the guy, and everyone in the thread was like "totally spam, women don't give out their numbers to strange cock havers" It made no sense on so many levels.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:24 PM on April 23, 2013


DISCRETE CONCEPT OF BREAKFAST CEREAL NOT A SUBSET OF SOUP RUBRIC 4 LYFE
posted by Sara C. at 8:25 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Quiche is or is not pie.
posted by Brody's chum at 8:34 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


The food questions that make me sad are the ones that ask about pills that provide complete nutrition. I feel like we've had several.

Last time I updated the Bachelor Chow section of the wiki, we we were up to eighteen. Some of those are more in the 'one perfect food' department, though.
posted by zamboni at 8:38 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Tacos are not sandwiches because the bread is connected, it's one of the pupa stages on the sandwich/wrap continuum
posted by The Whelk at 8:40 PM on April 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


But what about open face or "foldover" sandwiches? What about sandwiches served in a wrap or a pita?
posted by Sara C. at 8:43 PM on April 23, 2013


ewww pupa. And now you've ruined tacos.
posted by sweetkid at 8:45 PM on April 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


I don't need food pills. I need sleep pills. I'm not talking about pills that make me sleep; I'm talking about pills that induce chemical changes in my body equivalent to a full night's sleep, preferably over a really short timespan. Tired? Take these sleep pills and you'll be back in action in 15 minutes!
posted by Jpfed at 8:54 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


No, I think you're safe, the pupal form of a sandwich is an egg roll, or Hot Pocket.
posted by furiousthought at 8:56 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


WTF kind of tacos are you people eating. Those C-shaped corn chips with hamburger inside are not tacos.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:56 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


But what about open face or "foldover" sandwiches? What about sandwiches served in a wrap or a pita?

The same thing as far as the fossil record is considered.
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


the bread is still connected on a soft taco.
posted by sweetkid at 8:58 PM on April 23, 2013


The casserole pupates in egg roll form for the summer, and then a beautiful Reuben is born!
posted by furiousthought at 8:58 PM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


Wait, so if you Go from totally closed like an egg roll to two separate bread parts in a sandwich, then a taco is the nymph form in the cycle.
posted by The Whelk at 9:00 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


argh taco bell has infected peoples' minds with terminology
posted by shakespeherian at 9:01 PM on April 23, 2013


why because I said soft taco? Please explain the words you would like people to use, or whatever correct taco terminology is for the class.
posted by sweetkid at 9:02 PM on April 23, 2013


SOUP IS NOT CEREAL

EXCEPT FOR WHEN IT IS
posted by pompomtom at 9:03 PM on April 23, 2013


Wait, so if you from totally closed like an egg roll to two separate bread parts in a sandwich, then a taco is the nymph form in the cycle.

I can see that. But then what does that make nachos? Is that like when the wasp paralyzes the wild sandwich and has its larvae eat the still-conscious victim?
posted by furiousthought at 9:04 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


never mind i will just make myself a bread toast
posted by shakespeherian at 9:05 PM on April 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


STOP TALKING ABOUT TACO BUGS
posted by elizardbits at 9:12 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


DON'T CALL ME BUGS
posted by shakespeherian at 9:14 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT TACOS, ELIZARDS!
posted by Bugbread at 9:15 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


thing
posted by shakespeherian at 9:18 PM on April 23, 2013


you all know that chat is still operating, right?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:20 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


the man of twists and turns: "you all know that chat is still operating, right?"

Don't interrupt the performance art!

(See, this is a MeTa question about a MeTa question about AskMe questions that really, really did not go the way the asker expected, so we're trying to really, really make it not go the way the asker expected)
posted by Bugbread at 9:28 PM on April 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 10:00 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


REASONS!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:16 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


I suddenly miss alphabet threads.
posted by donnagirl at 10:41 PM on April 23, 2013


Absolutely.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:51 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


But what about open face or "foldover" sandwiches?

Okay one time in high school my friend asked me if I knew about "bendover sandwiches" and my mind went right into the gutter.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 10:52 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yea, this eBay thread is amazing. Your basic internet vigilantism, complete with collecting evidence, doxxing, public shaming, police reports, and so on.

Whatever happened to the ebay scammer, anyway? Did we get him arrested? I seem to remember one of the mods calling the cops.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 10:53 PM on April 23, 2013


I'm still not sure whether foldovers are an actual thing, or just something my mom made up after running short on bread.
posted by Sara C. at 10:56 PM on April 23, 2013


OMG ELIZARDBITS IS BACK YAY!
posted by infinitewindow at 10:59 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Actual thing. Unless I'm secretly your mom.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:02 PM on April 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think the taco taxonomy is all wrong here. You're all arguing what species a taco is in the sandwich genus, when really the taco is part of another genus altogether and you're just seeing convergent evolution. Because the sequence of: tostada --> taco --> burrito/enchilada makes a lot more sense than trying to fit tacos into anything involving leavened bread.
posted by LionIndex at 11:02 PM on April 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Crap. Insert "taquito" between the taco and burrito/enchilada evolutionary phases up there, please.
posted by LionIndex at 11:03 PM on April 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


So taquito is the missing lick?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:05 PM on April 23, 2013


OK I read to the bottom so two things:

1. I think Etta James could take a moment or two to watch a man take off his coat. That's why he oughta do it slow.

2. So glad I wasn't the one to go way back with the dragons fucking cars illustrations link. Had it ready, didn't need it. Wish it happened that way every time.
posted by carsonb at 11:08 PM on April 23, 2013


How many of the people that posted these questions and got answers they didn't want also posted in another ask me and gave advice that was unwanted?

If that ebay scam guy answers any of my ask mefi queries I'm calling the cops...
posted by Admira at 12:29 AM on April 24, 2013


If that ebay scam guy answers any of my ask mefi queries I'm calling the cops...

I can't see that ending well.
OPERATOR: Hello, 911.

CALLER: Hello? Hello? I need the police.

OPERATOR: Stay calm, please. What is the nature of your emergency?

CALLER: I asked for advice on the internet, and a complete fuckknuckle is giving me his opinion. Like, he's such an asshole. A-grade, 100% douche canoe. He's a self confessed eBay scammer - me and my internet friends totally exposed him, you know? And now he's all like, 'that guy's no good for you, man, DTMFA'. I mean, god.

OPERATOR: Stop. Just stop. Why are you doing this to me? I have an ulcer. Also I hate you. *CLICK*
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 12:38 AM on April 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


I have spent all day, in bed, (wearing the awesome SQ hat that arcticseal sent me) having Glandular Fever (mono) and enjoying the old threads so much. Just what I needed.
Unfortunately, I got lost in the old Meta thread Beryllium linked to, it was very disappointing to get to the end of it and realise there wasn't going to be an opportunity to post a picture of my irony-free baby wearing a hat, in response to Eyebrow's comment.
Now I get to catch up with this monster meta-thread. Love you Metafilter.
posted by Catch at 1:54 AM on April 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


This week has sucked. The discovery that elizardbits has returned to us from the void is some comfort although if I go into work and find that two of my coworkers have been slowly and painfully devoured by a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal that would also help.
posted by winna at 3:31 AM on April 24, 2013 [7 favorites]


greg nog: I do put the orange juice pulp back in the fridge afterwards, which I guess is similar to the egg thing; I just strain the o.j. through my teeth, like a whale using its baleen on krill, 'til I have a nice big chunk of pulp behind my incisors. Then I let drop it back onto the shelf where the orange juice container was, where it lands with a satisfying "clud".

This thread has been brought to you by the word "baleen"! And kids, if that mental image made you spit out your tea all over your keyboard, then just remember, never read metafilter at work.
posted by greenish at 4:04 AM on April 24, 2013


Guys! I have a hybrid species to report! This place near me sells cheeseburger spring rolls!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:09 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


I just snurked and woke up my nursing baby.

But more importantly, what about samosas, blintzes, empanadas? WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE EMPANADAS!
posted by Specklet at 5:14 AM on April 24, 2013


I hope Jazzwick is better.
posted by Deathalicious at 5:41 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


when have Banjos been controversial on Metafilter?

Read this. Marvel at it. Sit back and ponder the majesty of it all.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:49 AM on April 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


Read this. Marvel at it. Sit back and ponder the majesty of it all.

The "upgrade my expletives" question now makes a lot more sense, knowing who it was coming from-- although that that question was answered pretty much completely in earnest. I would have much more expected such a question to be the precise sort of one that "doesn't proceed as expected" in which commenters write long discourses on the American class system and how "upgrading" your expletives is not class but rather kind of downgrades you to "small town rural everyman trying to be 'klassy,'" which would then spark rigorous debate and argument.
posted by deanc at 6:06 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Sara C.: I'm still not sure whether foldovers are an actual thing, or just something my mom made up after running short on bread.

PB&J foldover is my Midnight Snack of choice, assuming we do not have ice cream in the house.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:21 AM on April 24, 2013


in which commenters write long discourses on the American class system and how "upgrading" your expletives is not class but rather kind of downgrades you to "small town rural everyman trying to be 'klassy,'" which would then spark rigorous debate and argument.

Especially since dislike of "climbers" is itself a form of classism. It's beautiful.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:34 AM on April 24, 2013


I would have much more expected such a question to be the precise sort of one that "doesn't proceed as expected" in which commenters write long discourses on the American class system and how "upgrading" your expletives is not class but rather kind of downgrades you to "small town rural everyman trying to be 'klassy,'" which would then spark rigorous debate and argument.

I think everyone was just having way too much fun cussing creatively.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:35 AM on April 24, 2013


If you want the real aristocratic flavor, you want a pince-nez.

I'm so aristocratic, I wear two monocles.
posted by usonian at 6:58 AM on April 24, 2013


But more importantly, what about samosas, blintzes, empanadas? WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE EMPANADAS!

I believe empanadas fall into the "hand-pie" genus, which also includes pasties, English pasties, Cornish pasties, meat pies, Clark's pies, Kings pies, fried pies, Hubig's pies, samosas, calzones, bolani, turnovers, tourières, pastelillos, pastels, pastes, pastechis, pastelitos, panadas, empanadilla, Jamaican patties, karipap, carimañola, pâtés, and, yes, even Hostess Fruit Pies and Hot Pockets.

Pierogis, on the other hand, belong to the separate and distinct "dumpling" genus, due to the need to be eaten with a fork. This also includes perogi, pierogy, perogy, pierógi, pyrohy, pirogi, pyrogie, pyrogy, piroshki, pirozhki, vareniki, kirniki, derelye, bryndzové pirohy, colţunaşi, ravioli, tortellini, kreplach, jiaozi, mandu, manti, pelmeni, qatayef, börek, MoMo, schlutzkrapfen, kärntner nudeln, maultasche, qattab, gyoza, shumai, pepeau, shuijiao, zhengjiao, guotie, wonton, Singapore fried dumplings, tihlos, souskluitjies, melkkos, potetball, klubb, kløbb, raspeball, komle, kumle, kompe, kumpe, kodla, kudle, klot, kams, ball, baill, komperdøse, kumperdøse, kompadøs, ruter, ruta, raskekako, risk, klotremat, krumme, palt, piepalt, kloß, nockerl, knöpfle, galuska, idrijski žlikrofi, uszka, ushki, vushka, vushki, and kozhakkattai.

Blintzes fall into the batter-based "crepe" genus. Here you can also find the good ol' pancake, along with galettes, crispa, flapjacks, Johnnycake, raggmunk and rårakor, pannekake, pfannkuchen, pannenkoeken, pannkaka, pandekager, pannenkoek, flensje, pannekoek, palatschinken, omletten, palacsinta, palačinka, panqueques, dosas, bánh xèo, injera, rosti, roti, blini, and the Dutch baby pancake.

Tacos are not sandwiches because the bread is connected

This is a difficult question, because we get into the torta territory, which are bread-based like common American sandwiches. But on the other end of the spectrum, tortilla-based tacos, tostada, tournados, etc., come in a maddening variety, with and without sauce, in hard and soft shells made of either masa (nixtamilated corn meal) or bleached wheat flour. And don't even get started on the great quesadilla debate, where the American version does not even remotely resemble the Mexican version that is more like a deep-fried, crispy-shelled hard taco covered with a dollop of Mexican crema.

This field of inquiry clearly needs more exploration, which will happen today at El Ranchero Taqueria around noon.
posted by slogger at 7:22 AM on April 24, 2013 [38 favorites]


Aren't soft-shelled tacos (which are wrapped around) really a kind of burrito?
posted by zarq at 7:27 AM on April 24, 2013


Pierogis, on the other hand, belong to the separate and distinct "dumpling" genus, due to the need to be eaten with a fork.

This is just not true.
posted by Mitheral at 7:33 AM on April 24, 2013


Sorry, Mitheral. Clearly my Western biases are showing here in failing to include chopsticks.
posted by slogger at 7:38 AM on April 24, 2013


Perogies can be eaten just find out of a bowl with ones hands; preferably with a second bowl at hand filled with sour cream.
posted by Mitheral at 7:43 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Honest to god you can just fill a slop trough with pierogi and sour cream and I'll eat it like the happiest pig on the farm.
posted by griphus at 7:44 AM on April 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


(Then become violently ill because I forgot to eat my weight in Lactaid directly beforehand.)
posted by griphus at 7:45 AM on April 24, 2013


Pierogies are clearly the "bridge pastry" that clearly marks the transition between east and west, wonton and calzone.
posted by deanc at 7:48 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Relevant to this tangent.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:50 AM on April 24, 2013


Although, Slogger, I also note you do not include egg rolls in your treatise above. Would you consider that part of the crepe genus, or an entirely new genus?

For the record, I actually did try the cheeseburger spring rolls alluded to above. They weren't bad, although I personally would have gone with a sharper cheddar rather than American for the cheese but I tend to be that way with pure-bred cheeseburgers too so that's probably just me.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:53 AM on April 24, 2013


That's a great question, EC. On one hand, the shell of an egg roll (and spring roll, and other variants within) is made of a simple flour and water dough. The construction and ingredient assortment of an egg roll, and indeed its pedigree, place it closer to the dumpling family. But the handling ability of the final product make it more akin to the hand pie. Yet the cylindrical shape draws some similarities to the crepe family. Perhaps today's research shall take me to House of Hunan instead of El Ranchero.
posted by slogger at 7:59 AM on April 24, 2013


everyone but everyone knows
you add calcium to your batters and doughs
using roasted and toasted and ground up bones
from your vanquished foes


Worst Leonard Cohen remix ever. Or best, maybe.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:11 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


I gave up foldover sandwiches because I always ate two of them, which meant I might as well just make a regular sandwich. I think tostadas are a variation of pizza, and nachos are just shattered tostadas.

Eggshells go in the garbage disposal or at least the compost heap, what is wrong with you people. Throwing them into the sink is not more work.

I have no hat-related opinions, unless it's sweaty and dirty enough to be gross. We have everything in rotation at our house:a genuine top hat, cowboy hats, various fedora-ish things, sun hats, and trucker hats with rude slogans on them. That's a fight I would never take on. If you are that smelly and gross that your hat is disturbing, I will just make you eat outside on a tray table and then please go take a shower for God's sake, you smell disgusting.
posted by emjaybee at 8:12 AM on April 24, 2013


According to wikipedia, an Empanada is a type of pie. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:22 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


garbage disposal

Oooh look at Mr. Fancy with his garbage disposal and his yard for his compost heap and his spats and tuxedo.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:23 AM on April 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


I actually did try the cheeseburger spring rolls

I deep-fry stuff all the time, and when I recently realized you could just buy plain egg-roll wrappers in the grocery store, I started experimenting with all kinds of cool-ass American-style egg-rolls. Cheeseburger was one of them, and it was mighty fine! But I think my favorite was tuna melt egg-rolls, which narrowly beat out chicken tikka masala egg rolls.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:24 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


chicken tikka masala egg rolls.

GIVE

IT

TO

ME
posted by The Whelk at 8:25 AM on April 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


Greg you are some kind of terrorist.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:28 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


That sounds like a delicious type of pie because eggrolls are pies too because cultural armageddon.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:28 AM on April 24, 2013


DEEP FRIED PIZZA ROLLS
posted by griphus at 8:28 AM on April 24, 2013


Pie is a dessert. Any who disagree report to the ovens at once (to bake apple pies until you learn your lesson).
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:29 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Underground culinary terrorism: Spice Club.
posted by The Whelk at 8:35 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


The first rule of Spice Club is the spice must flow.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:36 AM on April 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


Greg Nog: " But I think my favorite was tuna melt egg-rolls"

Served with Noggler sauce and a side of home-style D'reets, no doubt.
posted by boo_radley at 8:36 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I want you to fry this

as deep as you can.
posted by griphus at 8:36 AM on April 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


Slogger,

I don't really have time for this but:

Perozki's are hand pies (a sub category of pastries), which are defined not only by the ability to be picked up, but the crust. Some empanadas (I believe the Spanish ones) are not hand pies, but rather a meat pie, being much to large to pick up. Some hand pies are meat pies, and some meat pies are hand pies, but the two aren't interchangeable.

The dumpling category has nothing to do with having to be eaten with a fork, and everything to do with how they're prepared. There are three different distinct groups of dumplings, the noddle like dumplings, the stuffed noddle variety and the biscuit dumpling, all of which are defined by being cooked in a liquid, and then generally served in that liquid.

Noddles at first glance MIGHT be considered dumplings, but some stuffed noddles can be prepared by other methods than submersion. Perogies, and egg rolls and are in fact, stuffed noddles, as are wontons, but depending on how it;s cooked, something can be both a stuffed noddle and a dumpling

Pates on the other hand, may include a pastry crust, but don't have to, and are in fact a type of chacuterie. Which includes

All of these things have overlap, and silly things that sort of fit most of the definition, but not all of it, but if you really want orderly classification of foods stick with the French.
posted by Gygesringtone at 8:37 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Also, Who's got two thumps and having deep fried won tons tonight?
posted by Gygesringtone at 8:42 AM on April 24, 2013


Who's got two thumps

If there's more than a minute between each thump it usually means your heart stopped
posted by Greg Nog at 8:43 AM on April 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


Some of us need to check our unexamined prescriptivism!

Just kidding. But: To generalize from usage, we could note the verb "to sandwich", which pretty clearly means to put something between two pieces of something. A broader meaning of sandwich-making as a practice, that harkins back to its origins, is to make something more easily packaged, transported, and eaten by hand without benefit of cutllary. This second category might include such foods as tacos, burritos, and their descendants, but would arguably exclude noodles and moist dumplings.
posted by Mngo at 8:44 AM on April 24, 2013


What if I just eat uncooked ramen from the package

is that a sandwich
posted by shakespeherian at 8:45 AM on April 24, 2013 [12 favorites]


you had me until you mangled the word "cutlery."
posted by sweetkid at 8:45 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also anyone who thinks pie is only for dessert doesn't get to have any of this delicious shepherd's pie. Unless they eat it for dessert.

Suckers.
posted by griphus at 8:47 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


And now you've made it ethically impossible for me to edit it, lest the flow of the thread be lost to histary.
posted by Mngo at 8:47 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


The only sandwich around here is made of me+dragon bread with a car filling suckers.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:48 AM on April 24, 2013


Oh, and everyone should always check their unexamined prescriptivism. Pharmacists are busy people and mistakes happen you want to make sure you get the right medicine.
posted by griphus at 8:48 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


Hey Kids--Buy my used cereal forks!


S U C K E R S

posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:49 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is just a bunch of sausages floating in milk.
posted by griphus at 8:50 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Anyone who thinks pie is only for dessert won't be able to help me get revenge on Saturninus and Tamora.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:50 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


And now you've made it ethically impossible for me to edit it, lest the flow of the thread be lost to histary.

Now I feel like a jerk. I should go to the jerkary.
posted by sweetkid at 8:50 AM on April 24, 2013


OMG that was so bad
posted by sweetkid at 8:51 AM on April 24, 2013


S U U C C K K E R R S
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:51 AM on April 24, 2013


Pie is a dessert.

Mr. Breakfast will fight you.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:54 AM on April 24, 2013


Putnams invented the cheeseburger springroll?

I mean, I love my affordable rent, the hummingbirds in my windows, the tomatoes ALREADY growing in my garden, etc. but WHY ON EARTH DID I LEAVE BROOKLYN?

(I'd say to recommend they use the Cabot "Super Sharp Cheddar", but I think it might not melt as well and make the spring rolls too oily.)
posted by Sara C. at 9:08 AM on April 24, 2013


I've never been able to get any of Cabot's cheeses to melt well.
posted by griphus at 9:11 AM on April 24, 2013


WHY ON EARTH DID I LEAVE BROOKLYN?

NO IDEA COME BACK
posted by sweetkid at 9:12 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I certainly love where this thread has gone, but noddles? Is this a thing? I thought it was a typo on the menu!
posted by blurker at 9:15 AM on April 24, 2013


Also, how could Empanadas possibly not be in the pie subcategory. They are hand pies. Sometimes you see fancy ones made of puff pastry that are more like a turnover and headed towards the world of blintzes. But for the most part they are made with pie pastry and stuffed like a hand pie because hand pies is exactly what they are.
posted by Sara C. at 9:17 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't know what's going on in this thread but I am confused and hungry but I can't eat because I don't even know what a sandwich is anymore fucking postmodernism
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:20 AM on April 24, 2013 [11 favorites]


I've never been able to get any of Cabot's cheeses to melt well.

It is in my list of 'weird tests for witches' that I would make people take if I ever inherit a tiny country like in an eighties comedy.

'You can get Cabot cheeses to melt smoothly? Witch! Witch! Your punishment is to become my chief melty-snack technician! Mwhahaha etc!'
posted by winna at 9:23 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Putnams invented the cheeseburger springroll?

I dunno if they invented it, but they sell it.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:28 AM on April 24, 2013


if I ever inherit a tiny country like in an eighties comedy

yea what was with that? and then in the nineties it was all animals who were like really good at sports.
posted by sweetkid at 9:29 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


there's nothing in the rules that says a dog can't inherit a duchy
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 9:31 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't even know what a sandwich is anymore fucking postmodernism

Now I'm envisioning Wylie Dufresnie opening up a deli where all the sandwiches are all "deconstructed" - like, a Reuben would be a couple of rye berries, a curl of freeze-dried corned beef and a Swiss cheese Cheeto nestled in a bed of shredded raw cabbage and this aerosol can of Thousand-Island-Dressing-airfreshener you puff into your face.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:33 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


"If you give a dog a duchy..."
posted by slogger at 9:34 AM on April 24, 2013


I had Everything Bagel ice cream at WD50 and it was AMAZING and I don't care if that makes me some kind of asshole.
posted by Sara C. at 9:36 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh, funky flavor ice cream is different and is to be endorsed. It's just that if I'm spending $35 or whatever for a sandwich, I want it to be a damn sandwich.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:39 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think my Paleo diet is going to make me need to remove this thread from Recent Activity. Or maybe reading about food can be almost like eating it.
posted by sweetkid at 9:40 AM on April 24, 2013


Empanada comes from the verb empanar, which means "to wrap [in bread]".

I'm not sure what that means vis a vis the taco evolutionary map.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 9:41 AM on April 24, 2013


Australopithecines totally ate tacos, I am a paleontacoist and I have done important research.
posted by elizardbits at 9:46 AM on April 24, 2013


I'm going out for Mexican. My fat butt thanks you.
posted by Specklet at 9:53 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


What exactly is a hand pie? We already have a word for this concept - turnover.

Empanada: Type of turnover? Yes. Type of pie? Nope.
posted by nooneyouknow at 9:53 AM on April 24, 2013


What exactly is a hand pie? We already have a word for this concept - turnover.

Empanada: Type of turnover? Yes. Type of pie? Nope.


A hand pie is a pie, made with pie pastry and not pizza dough or puff pastry or bread or tortilla or anything else other than pie pastry, constructed so as to be eaten with the hands.

A turnover, in my experience, a square of puff pastry with fruit or jam in the center, folded over into a triangle and baked.

I seriously don't understand how an empanada could be anything other than a hand pie and suspect that people who don't get this have never actually encountered one and should maybe just stay out of it.
posted by Sara C. at 10:05 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Sara C. is correct and also making me hungry
posted by sweetkid at 10:06 AM on April 24, 2013


A hand pie is a pie

No, it is a turnover.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:10 AM on April 24, 2013


I'm not sure how you guys are able to look so closely and delve into the various and sundry differences in these foodstuffs when THERE ARE PERFECTLY GOOD EMPANADAS SITTING RIGHT THERE AND NOT BEING EATEN. Seriously, this fact really calls your credibility as certified empanada eaters into question.
posted by phunniemee at 10:10 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was once offered a Cornish Pasty with the line "C'mon it's just like an empanada!"

Those people where LIARS.
posted by The Whelk at 10:14 AM on April 24, 2013


Gah, it nuked the link to an exhaustive entry on the history of pie. Here you go.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:16 AM on April 24, 2013


Pasties always make me think of nipple covers, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
posted by slogger at 10:17 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


slogger: ""If you give a dog a duchy...""

YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A PRINCIPALITY


Trivia: there's only one sovereign duchy left in the world. You'd be giving your dog Luxembourg.
posted by boo_radley at 10:18 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


ANSWERS.COM DOESN'T COUNT THAT'S LIKE USING YAHOO FOR SEARCH
posted by slogger at 10:18 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Where are all these supposed "turnover" eaters located? I'm not snarking, I'm actually curious. Because I've also seen calzones referred to as Pizza Turnovers, which is stupid because a calzone is its own specific thing, not a "turnover" (which as I said is puff pastry filled with something sweet and folded into a triangle).

Is there some midwestern place where "turnover" can also apply to something savory made with other types of pastry besides puff?
posted by Sara C. at 10:19 AM on April 24, 2013


And where do Totino's Pizza Rolls fit in? They're like a mini-calzone, yet the wrapper is very much like an egg roll, and the overall execution is disgusting.
posted by slogger at 10:22 AM on April 24, 2013


Does a greek pizzeria in RI count? Because they got a lot of spinach and mushroom turnovers. (Altho it's up in the air whether it's called a turnover or pie... some place uses on term one the menu, another the other, and a third will call them spanakopita. All bets are off when it comes to spinach and pepperoni rolls.)
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:24 AM on April 24, 2013


slogger: "And where do Totino's Pizza Rolls fit in?"

And then the sectarian violence began.
posted by boo_radley at 10:26 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


So what, did the MetaFilter timezone just hit lunch time?
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:28 AM on April 24, 2013


A CALZONE IS A PANZEROTTI DAMMIT.
posted by yellowbinder at 10:28 AM on April 24, 2013


And where do Totino's Pizza Rolls fit in?

My mouth, like seven at a time.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:29 AM on April 24, 2013 [9 favorites]


LASAGNA: THE MISSING LINK

Scientists have just begun new investigations into this fascinating form! Is it truly a member of Pastadae, as has been conventional wisdom for over a century, or will genomic analysis reveal that it is actually a transitional form of Sandwichidae? What does this mean for ravioli? Keep reading Scientific American to find out the latest.
posted by furiousthought at 10:30 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


If Lasagne is the missing link, it's the missing link between pasta and casserole. See also Baked Macaroni.
posted by Sara C. at 10:31 AM on April 24, 2013


I'm not arguing that pie has been thought of as only dessert for all of history, nor that the term "pie" traditionally only meant "sweet surrounded by crust" ever in reality. What I am proposing is nothing less than a linguistic revolution. Let's forget all these pointless pretend subsets of pies and declare martial law on gastronomic phraseology with one basic equation. It's simple. It's so simple that only a fool or a genius realizes its existence is a tautology.

PIE = DESSERT

Say it with me.

PIE = DESSERT

Believe it and it will become real.

PIE = DESSERT

Everything else is undifferentiated "dinner"

PIE = DESSERT

We can be gyros. Just for one day.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:33 AM on April 24, 2013 [7 favorites]


I would pay cash dollars for a Pizza Hut Priazzo right about now.
posted by usonian at 10:33 AM on April 24, 2013


All bets are off when it comes to spinach and pepperoni rolls

Oh, I'm totally calling a pepperoni calzone a "pepperópita" (πεπερόπιτα) next chance I get.
posted by deanc at 10:34 AM on April 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


I would pay cash dollars for a Pizza Hut Priazzo right about now.

How do you... how do you usually procure them?
posted by shakespeherian at 10:34 AM on April 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


Oh man I miss the 5 cheese P'ZONEs I would get with extra cheese dipping sauce back when I was 10 years younger and so much fatter.
posted by yellowbinder at 10:35 AM on April 24, 2013


How do you... how do you usually procure them?

First, you invent a time machine.
posted by usonian at 10:40 AM on April 24, 2013


One of my favroute school lunches – as a ten year old in the Scottish education system, at least – was the macaroni cheese pie. This was a scotch pie casing filled with macaroni cheese and topped with breadcrumbs. Perferable served with chips. Sorry, Italy.

There was also the "American Bean Pie". No idea how the name came about, and nowt to do with the Nation of Islam*, particularly because it was stuffed with pig lips and arseholes. Same scotch pie casing, cheap unidentified meat, topped with a curl of mashed potato and some baked beans in tomato sauce which always seemed to develop a hard, chewy surface layer, having spent a morning under the hot lights in the school cafeteria. It was fucking horrible.


*Weirdly, those scenes in The Wire where Brother Mouzone is told to "go back to slingin' bean pies" always bring up this mental image for me.
posted by Len at 10:41 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


How do you... how do you usually procure them?

First, you invent a time machine.

No, no; first, be smart from the very beginning....
posted by griphus at 10:43 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Potomac Avenue: I'm not arguing that pie has been thought of as only dessert for all of history, nor that the term "pie" traditionally only meant "sweet surrounded by crust" ever in reality. What I am proposing is nothing less than a linguistic revolution. Let's forget all these pointless pretend subsets of pies and declare martial law on gastronomic phraseology with one basic equation. It's simple. It's so simple that only a fool or a genius realizes its existence is a tautology.

PIE = DESSERT


Sir, I will not tolerate your Americo-centric attempt to erase centuries of British history in which a pie - preferably served with two veg, maybe some gravy – is WHAT'S FOR FUCKING TEA, and not some rarefied new world dessert option with whatever those pecan things are. It's pastry, with a load of fucking meat, not necessarily of verifiable origin, inside it, and it shall ever be thus.

TEACH THE CONTROVERSY.
posted by Len at 10:46 AM on April 24, 2013 [10 favorites]


macaroni cheese pie

I would slaughter untold millions for one of those.
posted by elizardbits at 10:53 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


This was not an awesome day to bring a giant salad for lunch.
posted by clavicle at 10:54 AM on April 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


Perhaps -- and I am just speculating here -- but perhaps pies is the family from which come genus such as hand pies, dessert pies, &c, &c. In turn, pies would belong to the order of flour-based doughs and batters, where they would sit along side items such as pastas and noodles, crepes, quickbreads, &c, &c. Indeed, I must take this question to my colleagues in the taxonomy department of the Snackological Institute.
posted by slogger at 10:56 AM on April 24, 2013


This was not an awesome day to bring a giant salad for lunch.

Baked chicken and broccoli I'm dyin here
posted by sweetkid at 10:58 AM on April 24, 2013


*smugly enjoys yogurt with almonds*
posted by The Whelk at 10:59 AM on April 24, 2013


I have seriously just been shoveling jelly rings into my mouth since 10 AM
posted by griphus at 11:00 AM on April 24, 2013


ah, youth
posted by sweetkid at 11:01 AM on April 24, 2013


jelly rings or jelly CENTIPEDES
posted by elizardbits at 11:02 AM on April 24, 2013


elizardbits: macaroni cheese pie

I would slaughter untold millions for one of those.


I haven't had one for ages, but what's not to like? Fat and carbohydrate in a handy, portable carbohydrate casing, with more crumb-sized burnt carbohydrates on top.

There are plenty of chip shops here who will go one better, and deep fry it for you, as well, in case like you really feel like punishing your enemies arteries.
posted by Len at 11:03 AM on April 24, 2013


I should also clarify that the deep-frying isn't some fancy-ass optional, only-available-to-the-regulars-in-the-know extra. It's just that if you've got ten litres of 200ºC fat on the go, why not cook your pies in that, rather than wasting the money on having an oven as well?
posted by Len at 11:05 AM on April 24, 2013


Fun fact all gummy foods are actually formed from compressed centipedes which for humanitarian reasons are still technically alive.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:08 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


haha I have cold pizza in the fridge
posted by Sara C. at 11:15 AM on April 24, 2013


zarq: "Aren't soft-shelled tacos (which are wrapped around) really a kind of burrito?"

What? No.

Clearly you have been in New York too long and need to come visit somewhere that they do proper burritos. We can do a side-by-side comparison of some of the best soft tacos and burritos in the Bay Area. (And then, for comparison, some of the best crispy tacos in the Bay Area.)
posted by Lexica at 11:17 AM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


I got my usual ham and cheese from Subway, but I also was treated to a couple of chocolate covered strawberries as a special treat because it is secretary's day.

I'd rather have had a day off, but they were good strawberries...
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:22 AM on April 24, 2013


Subway tastes like sadness.
posted by slogger at 11:24 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


No, the Steak and Cheese is one of the yummiest things ever. I will concede that that chemically smelling bread smell smells like sadness though.
posted by yellowbinder at 11:25 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I must confess an irrational and probably self-destructive fondness for Subway's seafood salad. It's actually kind of hard to find, because I am apparently the only person on the planet willing to eat it.

(I also like gas station tuna fish sandwiches.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 11:27 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh I just thought of how Tim Hortons used to have the best tuna fish ever but they discontinued it like 5 years ago. Now I'm sad like I am when I remember that all the Arby's in town have shut down.
posted by yellowbinder at 11:28 AM on April 24, 2013


I love Subway. Ergh whatever.
posted by sweetkid at 11:28 AM on April 24, 2013


restless_nomad: I also like gas station tuna fish sandwiches.

Yaaaaaas. I have a theory that the jankier looking the establishment, the better the tuna salad.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:30 AM on April 24, 2013


yellowbinder: Now I'm sad like I am when I remember that all the Arby's in town have shut down.

Worst Country and Western song ever.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:30 AM on April 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


All the Arby's in town
have gone and shut down:
There's no more relief
in prime Angus beef.
I would lay it on the line
for that big red neon sign -
but Arby's is gone.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:39 AM on April 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


Lexica: "Clearly you have been in New York too long"

YEP!

I asked my wife (who grew up in a Texas border town) that question this morning and she said the same exact thing. GMTA :)
posted by zarq at 11:51 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


GMTA

what
posted by sweetkid at 11:51 AM on April 24, 2013


GMTA = Great Minds Think Alike

My wife has only been able to find excellent authentic Mexican food in Queens at one place. She misses it.
posted by zarq at 11:54 AM on April 24, 2013


GMTA

what


It stands for:

_G_ reat
_M_inds
_T_hink
_A_like.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:54 AM on April 24, 2013


Only go with zarq's comment because now that I look at the pretty formatting I worked on it acutally looks kinda condescending and I totally didn't mean it like that so I'll stop.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:56 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]




Yeah, Mexican food isn't that great in NYC. I do recommend Original California Taqueria on Court Street though.
posted by sweetkid at 11:56 AM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'll try it. Thank you!
posted by zarq at 11:57 AM on April 24, 2013


Also there's Guerrero, which is just a bodega that makes amazing fucking tacos, and they have a big bin of chicharróns you can just grab one out of.
posted by griphus at 12:00 PM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


please note that I am from Northern Virginia and have no Mexican/Latino heritage at all so grain of salt on my recos. But Original California Taqueria remains totally unhipstered and nonfancy and I have good memories of stopping there when I lived in Cobble Hill.
posted by sweetkid at 12:01 PM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


GMTA

what


My brain parses all acronyms containing the letters M T and A as some variant on DTMFA.

It makes using the automatic teller at the bank really weird.
posted by phunniemee at 12:02 PM on April 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


My brain parses all acronyms containing the letters M T and A as some variant on DTMFA.

I see MTA, as in Metropolitan Transit Authority.
posted by sweetkid at 12:03 PM on April 24, 2013


GMTA is my favorite self-defeating bit of business. Nobody ever understands the acronym.

Also, I'm suspicious of this purported big bin of chicharróns because IME that is not something you want to allow public finger access to.
posted by carsonb at 12:05 PM on April 24, 2013


Honestly calling it the "MFTMA" isn't that much of a stretch.
posted by griphus at 12:06 PM on April 24, 2013


Gcharlie and the MTA.
posted by SpiffyRob at 12:26 PM on April 24, 2013


I also like gas station tuna fish sandwiches.

Me too! I've always felt vaguely ashamed of this, because a) it seems to be intentionally courting gastrointestinal distress, and b) I will eat these when there are vastly better options available, because, I dunno, there's just something intensely satisfying about gas station/7-11 tuna salad sandwiches. But hey, at least I don't eat gas station/7-11 sushi!
posted by yasaman at 12:56 PM on April 24, 2013


I do recommend Original California Taqueria on Court Street though.

If you're ever close to or across the Hudson, I also recommend Taqueria Downtown in Jersey City (which apparently just re-opened post-hurricane!), though I am making this recommendation as a white guy from the Northeast who probably doesn't know shit.
posted by en forme de poire at 1:26 PM on April 24, 2013


I also like gas station tuna fish sandwiches.

I went out and bought a tuna sub for lunch and had no idea why until I looked at Recent Activity. I'm onto your viral social media marketing, Cousins Subs.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 1:55 PM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


GTMTA - Next Stop VICE CITY
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:09 PM on April 24, 2013


I also like gas station tuna fish sandwiches.

Every so often, when the stars align just right, a falafel wrap will appear in my local Cumberland Farms' cold case. This is exciting because the only other source of falafel I know of is 35 minutes away.
posted by usonian at 2:44 PM on April 24, 2013


You guys! Here I am stuck in bed, and I won't be happy now until I get a kebab. This is going to take fiendish cunning to achieve, a lot of favours called in, and I will probably have to use tears.

Is the kebab/shawarma a link between the taco and sandwich?
posted by Catch at 3:17 PM on April 24, 2013


Catch, I was about to ask if you were in New York, and then I saw you're not. :( Sorry. There's a great halal food truck two blocks from my office. If you were closer, I could totally deliver a kebab.
posted by zarq at 3:25 PM on April 24, 2013


Aaaw, thanks zarq! That is sweet of you.
Actually, I just remembered that it is ANZAC day, so nothing will be open until the afternoon here. It seems fitting to commemorate A-day by going out for Turkish food.
posted by Catch at 3:27 PM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Clearly you have been in New York too long and need to come visit somewhere that they do proper burritos. We can do a side-by-side comparison of some of the best soft tacos and burritos in the Bay Area. (And then, for comparison, some of the best crispy tacos in the Bay Area.)

Well, OK, but your definition of "proper burrito" is pretty debatable there. You'll note that the main picture in the straight-up burrito wikipedia article is most definitely not one of those Bay Area ricey-foily things.
posted by LionIndex at 4:04 PM on April 24, 2013


I hate you all so much, this kept me up until after 5am going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.

As a side note though, tel3path posted one of the funniest things i've read on the internet in one of the threads several levels deep in there(i think in the MeTa of one of the ask threads) but i can't find it again :( damn you unslept brain.
posted by emptythought at 4:12 PM on April 24, 2013


Do you remember vaguely what it said? Maybe someone here can find it for you. That's one of the things we do here.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 4:30 PM on April 24, 2013


not at all, the bizarre dreams i had afterwards erased any concrete memories of it's contents. I just remember it waking up my girlfriend because i was chuckling in my blanket fort under the covers with my iphone at the asscrack of dawn.

I'm actively searching for it now, and i have some real time to kill while i'm slowly testing a weird, intermittent network bottleneck issue at work.
posted by emptythought at 4:43 PM on April 24, 2013


found it! turns out it was directly in the main thread. It all became a jumble in my head after a few hours i guess.

The really interesting thing to do would be to make a lunge for the girlfriend's pants and then come back and tell us how it went. I look forward to many future questions regarding medical bills, lawsuits, restraining orders, addiction programs, who owes what for debts incurred by your substance-abusing ne'er do well of an ex, GPA damage control, and how hard it will be to get a full-time job out of college considering [insert bad experience laundry list here].

I'm kind of bored with my own life, so I say go for the third thing. I'll just sit here and keep refreshing the page.


This speaks to my attitude towards internet advice so much. I can be serious if people are asking a serious question, but if someones going "is it a bad idea to try and jump my car over a river dukes of hazard style?" i will always be the one saying "nah dude, fuck it, try it. just make sure you have a camera".
posted by emptythought at 4:47 PM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


> My wife has only been able to find excellent authentic Mexican food in Queens at one place. She misses it.

Really? Man, fifteen years ago there was a shitload of great Mexican in Queens. I guess all the Mexicans left town? One more reason not to feel sorry for leaving NYC, I guess.
posted by languagehat at 5:16 PM on April 24, 2013


Now that I think about it, the best burrito I ever had in my life was in Utah, somewhere around Bountiful iirc. Its perceived perfection may have been due in part to my incredible relief at finally not being the only non-white person in the room, though.
posted by elizardbits at 5:19 PM on April 24, 2013


Slap*Happy: "No, it is a turnover."

How would a butter tart fit into the spectrum then? And I'm not talking about the weedy looking specimens pictured on a google search; I mean the half pound monstrosities you get on road trips when you stop at a seedy looking, non-chain gas station.

elizardbits: "I would slaughter untold millions for one of those."

Even better: Grilled Macaroni Cheese sandwich.
posted by Mitheral at 5:53 PM on April 24, 2013


Mitheral: "Even better: Grilled Macaroni Cheese sandwich."

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME.
posted by stennieville at 6:20 PM on April 24, 2013


Shopsin's lunch counter at Essex Market in the Lower East Side makes Macaroni & Cheese pancakes.
posted by Sara C. at 6:33 PM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


LionIndex: "Well, OK, but your definition of "proper burrito" is pretty debatable there. You'll note that the main picture in the straight-up burrito wikipedia article is most definitely not one of those Bay Area ricey-foily things."

"Proper burrito", not burrito auténtico. It's a slightly different axis on the multidimensional graph of burrito quality.

Or, in Venn diagram form, "proper burrito" may be a larger set that includes burrito auténtico. Whatever it is, it most certainly does NOT include those… things… that Chipotle sells. (Made the mistake of getting one a few weeks ago. To quote Bill Hicks, "I'm not proud; I was hungry." Problem was, afterwards I was hungry and several dollars poorer as I gazed morosely at the mostly-uneaten, structurally-deficient, untasty thing in front of me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm avoiding you forever no matter how hungry I am.)
posted by Lexica at 6:54 PM on April 24, 2013


I will never understand people who insist that a poor specimen of a food they enjoy is simply not, in fact, that food.

Chipotle's on you, San Francisco style burrito fans. You may not like it, but it's yours all the same.

I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered southwestern-style riceless burritos with mostly just beans and cheese where there's none of this anxiety about what surprise ingredients are going to be inside. That's my least favorite thing about the San Francisco approach. You either end up with the Subway-esque Chipotle workflow, or you end up with BURRITO SURPRISE, eating slowly, bite by bite, waiting for another SURPRISE ingredient to hit your taste buds.

I don't fucking need to be surprised. Give me some beans, some cheese, maybe one basic and predictable salsa. That's a burrito.
posted by Sara C. at 7:08 PM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Man, fried mac & cheese has ruined all other cheeses macaroni for me. It's everything macaroni & cheese should be (made with sharp cheddar of course), but combined with delightful crispy bits and with none of the sogginess endemic to oven-baked mac & cheese.

Shit! Now I'm hungry.
posted by Turkey Glue at 7:21 PM on April 24, 2013


burritos with mostly just beans and cheese where there's none of this anxiety

This is one of the few ways that my quality of life was lowered moving from Texas to California. Beans, cheese, and I'm a glutton so sour cream. For breakfast? Egg, bacon or sausage, cheese. Ideally purchased from a gas station, pushcart, or someone's grandmother, but obtainable from more commercial outlets. That's it. Not the size of a newborn, not stuffed with french fries or a double handful of really mediocre guacamole. No rice.

Sometimes the pain gets really bad and I just can't take it anymore and I go to Taco Bell I'm so sorry. It's certainly no Taco Bueno, but you do what you must.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:25 PM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was at the dollar store the other day, and I was feeling lazy and really didn't want to go across the street to buy groceries, so I bought a couple odd items. One was an individually wrapped macaroni and cheese Hot Pocket.

It was totally worth the dollar.
posted by vegartanipla at 7:32 PM on April 24, 2013


God I miss cheeseburger Hot Pockets.
posted by griphus at 7:34 PM on April 24, 2013


I FINALLY GOT TO TRY DEEP FRIED MAC AND CHEESE TODAY!!!

It was okay.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:46 PM on April 24, 2013


"Proper burrito", not burrito auténtico. It's a slightly different axis on the multidimensional graph of burrito quality.

No, no, no! You're doing this totally wrong. Here's how this is supposed to go: First, you posit the Mission Burrito as the greatest thing ever created and act like it's the only kind of burrito anyone should ever bother to eat, possibly even claiming that burritos were in fact invented in San Francisco. You did a decent job of that. Second, a Southern Californian like myself comes along and insults your silly assembly line burrito and claims a burrito consisting of nothing but meat, guacamole, and a tortilla that you have to open your goddamn self to put salsa in is far superior and, indeed, a solidified form of the nectar of the gods. Third, we argue about it until everyone goes to bed and totally forgets about it the next day because nobody really cares.

You're being far to accommodating and reasonable and I won't stand for it! I have thrown down the gauntlet! It is your duty to pick it up!
posted by LionIndex at 7:46 PM on April 24, 2013 [4 favorites]


No true burrito would be made from a gauntlet.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:50 PM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is a great piece of writing about burritos. Though I do live in East LA, so maybe I'm biased.

I have not eaten at any of the places mentioned in the article -- I go to El Tepeyac, one of the few things worth walking to from my house.
posted by Sara C. at 7:51 PM on April 24, 2013


slogger: ""If you give a dog a duchy...""

YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A PRINCIPALITY


The startled squawk of joy I just made further reduces the dreadfulness quotient of this week.

Also I just got a book about the historical terms used in hunting and you will all be interested to learn that baby bears are in fact born when the mama bear 'bringeth forth a piece of flesh imperfect and evil shapen, and the mother licketh the lump, and shapeth the members with licking'.

I was unaware of this before!
posted by winna at 8:07 PM on April 24, 2013


LionIndex: "No, no, no! You're doing this totally wrong."

Aw, dang, my bad! How about we have a beer and argue about it at length? Chips and guac, maybe?
posted by Lexica at 8:27 PM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Here's one in progress.
posted by Mitheral at 8:31 PM on April 24, 2013


Sara C.: "I will never understand people who insist that a poor specimen of a food they enjoy is simply not, in fact, that food.

Chipotle's on you, San Francisco style burrito fans. You may not like it, but it's yours all the same.
"

Given the cited definition of a burrito — "a wheat flour tortilla wrapped or folded into a cylindrical shape to completely enclose a filling" — no, the thing they served me at Chipotle was not a burrito. It was a tortilla loosely squeezed around some rice and beans and stuff, but it by no means completely enclosed the filling. Burrito-wise, it was a complete and total structural failure.

And that's not even getting into the issue of the ice-cold guacamole they use, which is a sin against the taste buds. Eesh.
posted by Lexica at 8:33 PM on April 24, 2013


Ooo. Mac and Cheese Muffins featuring caramelized onions.
posted by Mitheral at 8:35 PM on April 24, 2013


Chipotle burritos are delicious if you a) skip the rice, b) get the carnitas (the other fillings are vaguely ok, but the carnitas is good) and c) get a fuckload of sour cream and cheese.

Of course, step c might be the most important thing on that list. Everything is delicious with enough sour cream and cheese.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 8:57 PM on April 24, 2013


If you wish to debate the definition of pie from first principles, you must first invent the universe.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:59 PM on April 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


restless nomad, the barbacoa is also an acceptable chipotle choice.

no, the thing they served me at Chipotle was not a burrito. It was a tortilla loosely squeezed around some rice and beans and stuff, but it by no means completely enclosed the filling. Burrito-wise, it was a complete and total structural failure.

Chipotle is killing taco del mar in my town, and i can't stand it. What they made was what a chain fast food burrito should be. It had, you know, structural integrity.

I went in to chipotle because i wanted a giant burrito and figured it would be kinda similar, after i realized the taco del a block up had abruptly closed forever in the middle of the week. I ended up with a falling apart heap barely even wrapped up in a piece of tin foil that wasn't even big enough(taco del always double wrapped to make it easy to hold and eat!). And i couldn't even bite through the rubbery tortilla, that perplexingly was from a freshly opened package i watched the lady tear open and slap in the little tortilla warmer grill. Everything was freshly put on the line, i was apparently getting the tier 1 best possible experience... and it was pathetic.

I also have no interest in a burrito without rice. Rice adds variety, and gives it more structure than it just being a slightly intestinal seeming tube of bean and meat mush. I can agree with step C on your list nomad, but rice is critical. Just not their rice.

I can't even quite understand how they managed to fuck it up so bad when taco del mar basically had it down with their ok, but not great ingredients. But they've done it, somehow.
posted by emptythought at 11:11 PM on April 24, 2013


Elizardbits is back! Yay!

I have no idea how the AskMes-of-the-past thing turned into all this stoner food, but yay!
posted by houseofdanie at 11:36 PM on April 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


This is a bit late in the thread, but -

plain egg-roll wrappers in the grocery store

Whenever I had leftover wonton wraps (from making wontons) I would put a spoonful of nutella inside, wrap around into a triangle shape, deep-fry and serve with vanilla ice-cream.

Generally speaking, though, this would end with me eating most of a jar of nutella in one sitting and the actual wontons not being consumed at all.
posted by zennish at 12:38 AM on April 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


I...I think the mac and cheese pancakes is my Bridge Too Far. It's the only thing anyone's brought up in here that I've looked at and thought, "I don't know about that...."

My cousin had deep-fried mac and cheese as one of the finger-food hors d'ouvres for her wedding before the dinner, and that plate was picked clean within minutes. The caterers had to go back into the kitchen for seconds and thirds.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:12 AM on April 25, 2013


If you really want to trick out a burrito, make your own tortilla shells with lard. It sounds questionable and the dough feels weird, but they are so soft and the extra fat makes them deliciously savory. I would eat lard tortilla hot off a skillet plain. Flour tortillas from the store taste like gummy cardboard in comparison.

Also acceptable are tortilla shells from a mercado or taco stand. Reyna Foods in Pittsburgh makes them with tomato basil, hot cayenne, and other flavors that are a worthy substitute for homemade.

(Between this and fried macaroni, I'm pushing my grossest recipes pretty hard. Also, I don't know if I should hate myself for saying "trick out a burrito".)
posted by Turkey Glue at 6:00 AM on April 25, 2013


How would a butter tart fit into the spectrum then?

Pie. It's a deep dish mini-pie, and in French, tarte can mean pie or tart, so canadian cuisine can call it a tart regardless.

We can start arguing about tarts vs. pies now, if you want.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:09 AM on April 25, 2013


Are tamales in the dumpling genus?

And what about bread products that have been stuffed with filling after they've been baked or fried? Where do stuffed sopapillas fit in here? It can't be related to the handheld thing, because you can get the kind that are handholdable, but the stuffed sopapillas at Mary and Titos are an exemplar of the stuffed sopapilla form and they are definitely something you need a fork to eat.

Also maybe it's possible to make a separate category for stuff made with tortillas by virtue of the tortillas being an independent unit, as opposed to bread, which is sliced? I know you get a lot of sandwiches on buns or baguettes or similar small loaves, but those still have to be sliced so the sandwich stuff can go inside. Burritos, tacos and wraps all seem slightly more comparable because the starchybreadthing is a valid unit on its own. This way you don't end up accidentally classifying enchiladas in a weird category or, even worse, classifying rolled enchiladas separately from flat enchiladas when they have far more in common with each other than anything else in their categories. Also when you are separating stuff with a "tortilla-like" bread unit you don't end up putting quesadillas in the same category as grilled sandwiches, which would be weird.
posted by NoraReed at 9:01 AM on April 25, 2013


I remembered another classic "not going as expected" thread: a guy asks, "I have security clearance and can't talk about anything. What do I say to women I meet?" The answers he starts getting are along the lines of, "if you actually had security clearance, you would know the answer to this question."
posted by deanc at 9:15 AM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Not specifically an AskMe but there was that one gloriously unexpected MeTa derail where cortex just wanted to talk about QWOP again.

qwop qwop qwop qwop
posted by elizardbits at 9:23 AM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


QWOP represents the totality of the human condition.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 AM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


QWOP

Whassat?
posted by sweetkid at 9:27 AM on April 25, 2013


QWOP.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:31 AM on April 25, 2013


First let me just say: I know how to spell noodle. I really do, see: noodle, noodle, noodle. I have no idea what happened with the noddle thing, but man is that embarrassing.

If you really want to trick out a burrito, make your own tortilla shells with lard. It sounds questionable and the dough feels weird

Lard's authentic. It also makes the best pie crusts on earth, and subbing it in for the butter in this piroshki dough recipe is sure to make you a better person.
posted by Gygesringtone at 9:32 AM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


behold
posted by elizardbits at 9:32 AM on April 25, 2013


OK the best part of that is that cortex's derail had the living fuck flagged out of it.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:34 AM on April 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


elizardbits: " cortex just wanted to talk about QWOP again. "

is it Qwopsmas already? Or Qwopza?
posted by boo_radley at 9:57 AM on April 25, 2013


I too am late in the thread and slightly off topic, but...

Guys! I have a hybrid species to report! This place near me sells cheeseburger spring rolls!

The Pub near my house has a sign outside that once every couple weeks advertises "Buffalo Crab Rangoons". There are several layers of description that may not be accurate in that dish name, I think.

Also, I had what were called "Redneck Tacos" at trivia this week and they contained at least three different animals, plus cheese. And pickles. And, of course, beans. (They also lasted me three full meals.)
posted by maryr at 11:01 AM on April 25, 2013


"Buffalo Crab Rangoons"

Oh HELL yeah I'm makin' those
posted by Greg Nog at 11:04 AM on April 25, 2013


With buffalo? Or crab?
posted by maryr at 11:07 AM on April 25, 2013


Most buffalo have crabs. The aren't very regular with washing their rangoons.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:10 AM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


that one gloriously unexpected MeTa derail where cortex just wanted to talk about QWOP again

Let's be clear: I always want to talk about QWOP again, that's just the one thread where I actually did. If you want an understanding of the inside of my head, just imagine that the first comment on every Metatalk post is me saying e.g. "I see where you're coming from, but I really feel like you need to consider that QWOP".
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:11 AM on April 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


I imagine it's a wonton filled with blue cheese mixed with cream cheese, then served with buffalo-wing sauce? Like a lot of crab rangoons out there, I bet there's no actual crab.

Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo crab
posted by Greg Nog at 11:12 AM on April 25, 2013


Indian (North American) Tacos take the awesomeness that is bannock and laden it with all the stuff you'll find in a regular convential taco. They are pretty awesome.
posted by Mitheral at 11:13 AM on April 25, 2013


Those are the tacos that use all parts of the burrito, right?
posted by maryr at 11:25 AM on April 25, 2013


Greg Nog: "I imagine it's a wonton filled with blue cheese mixed with cream cheese, then served with buffalo-wing sauce? Like a lot of crab rangoons out there, I bet there's no actual crab."

Most likely. I've had buffalo chicken rangoon and that was how it was made. Only there was actual chicken meat wrapped up in the wonton roll with the cheeses.
posted by zarq at 11:35 AM on April 25, 2013


Like a lot of crab rangoons out there, I bet there's no actual crab.

There is crab rangoon somewhere that uses actual crab?

That seems wrong for some reason.
posted by bondcliff at 11:35 AM on April 25, 2013


There is crab rangoon somewhere that uses actual crab?

It FUCKED me UP! I was with a vegetarian, and we were ordering Chinese, and I was like, "Oh, do you like crab rangoon?" and she was like "Uh, well, I don't eat crab" and I was like, "Oh no, it's just cream cheese," and she was like, "That cannot possibly be true."

So we had this big argument and finally I ordered it, smug as you damn please, and when I broke it open, there was actually crabmeat (or rather, imitation crabmeat) inside. And she was like, "SEE?" and I was like, "BABY THIS USUALLY DOESN'T HAPPEN"

and then I was somewhat put out as I ate all of the crabby crab rangoon.

But not too put out

because it was delicious.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:42 AM on April 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


bondcliff: " There is crab rangoon somewhere that uses actual crab?"

Yep. Crab Rangoon is apparently a dish that some restaurants make with crab or imitation crab meat, and some make without.
posted by zarq at 11:53 AM on April 25, 2013


I won't ask about lobster sauce.
posted by bondcliff at 11:55 AM on April 25, 2013


In the evening, when all has gone quiet,
and the walls of my room become drab;
when I can't even look at another dull book,
I imagine the buffalo crab.

It's as wide as a great tractor-trailer;
it's as tall as a full-grown sedan.
It can quote from King Lear with a voice that's as clear
as a bell or a bellmaker's plan.

In the morning, when I have slept little,
and my neighbor is walking her lab,
my fantasies range, and nothing is strange -
no, not even the buffalo crab.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:05 PM on April 25, 2013 [6 favorites]


Oh, man - years ago while visiting my Irish friend, we hit a fast food kebab place for something to eat after a night at a pub. I ordered something called the "Mexican taco kebab" - it came in a pita, and had raw shredded carrot, raw shredded cabbage, and some ground-meat-in-a-sauce sloppy-joe-consistency thing that was seasoned in some way that resembled no taco I had ever had in my life before or since. It was vile, and I picked at it and only managed to get down about half. And on top of it, the thing gave me food poisoning and I was up half the night expelling it from more than one orifice.

My experience with Mexican food in Ireland has thus been disappointing.

(Cajun food in Ireland, however, was a different and much happier story.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:14 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]



In the morning, when I have slept little,
and my neighbor is walking her lab,
my fantasies range, and nothing is strange -
no, not even the buffalo crab.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 15:05 on April 25 [1 favorite +] [!]


I almost dropped an eponysterical there because my brain somehow inserted crustacean into that user name.
posted by slogger at 12:30 PM on April 25, 2013


Buffalo lobster? That's where I'm a Viking.
posted by zamboni at 12:36 PM on April 25, 2013


I almost dropped an eponysterical there because my brain somehow inserted crustacean into that user name.

How the messenger shivered that morning,
as if clapped in a frozen dark cell!
"The crustacean Etruscans are coming,
and the rustic crustaceans as well!"
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:48 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Falling down the QWOP rabbit hole did no good at all for my high temp and racing pulse.
posted by Catch at 2:04 PM on April 25, 2013


I am a fan of all Rangoons, with or without crab, as long as they use cream cheese. (If I never bite into a cheddar Crab Rangoon again, it will be too soon.)
posted by usonian at 3:52 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I go to El Tepeyac, one of the few things worth walking to from my house.

El Tepeyac? More like El Tepeyuck! Try My Taco in Highland Park. Get the burrito de borrego and their wonderful, homemade horchata.
posted by amapolaroja at 11:24 PM on April 25, 2013


...just imagine that the first comment on every Metatalk post is me saying e.g. "I see where you're coming from, but I really feel like you need to consider that QWOP".

No need to imagine it.

(Hacky greasemonkey script, written over lunch break.)
posted by frimble at 2:37 AM on April 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


My Taco in Highland Park

I can't walk there from my apartment, living as I do in Boyle Heights.

I actually prefer Ciro's, which is down the street from El Tepeyac, but they have weirder hours (WHAT IF I NEED TAQUITOS ON A MONDAY? WHAT THEN??????) and no outdoor seating. I have a dog with separation anxiety, so if I'm looking for a change of scenery and don't feel like piling into the car, El Tepeyac it is.

I could, however, theoretically walk to Al & Bea's. Not a light stroll like either El T or Ciro's is, but a nice constitutional for sure.
posted by Sara C. at 9:56 AM on April 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I just don't understand why amapolaroja would leave their taco in the park in the first place. This is more AskMe "should I eat it" territory than anything.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:11 AM on April 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


well someone left the cake out in the rain, so a taco in the park was bound to happen
posted by sweetkid at 10:21 AM on April 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


No need to imagine it.

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING.
posted by slogger at 10:33 AM on April 26, 2013


You know, I've been making MacArthur Park jokes for years and years, always indirectly, via first Dave Barry's column and later Brak's bridge dalliance in I Love You Baby.

And then, the other day, buying some organic fuckin' chicken thighs in New Seasons, I actually finally heard it, specifically what I'm guessing was the Donna Summer version of it, for the first time and oh my god that song really is terrible, and also it was a total CVS Bangers moment.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:46 AM on April 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh, no, now it's in my head.

I think said Donna Summer version was on the playlist at some retail store I worked in during high school/college. Why, I do not know, it being the WORST SONG OF ALL TIME.
posted by Sara C. at 10:55 AM on April 26, 2013


I just put on a you-tube version, in hopes of killing the earworm, and I have to say.

This song is so tuneless that the half-muttered songs I make up for my dog ("we are putting the food into the boooooooowl/and you will run into your kennnnnnelllllll/because it's DINNERTIME!") sound like catchy pop hits in comparison.

I mean, who hears this song and thinks "OH MY GOD I MUST PUT IT ON MY NEXT ALBUM"? And how much cocaine needs to be involved?
posted by Sara C. at 11:00 AM on April 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's stuck in my head too and I'm sorry everyone
posted by sweetkid at 11:02 AM on April 26, 2013


I literally did not believe the person who told me that "Jurassic Park" was a parody and not a Weird Al original.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:18 AM on April 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I must be lucky: I recognize "MacArthur Park" whenever I hear it, but I never remember the tune.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:35 AM on April 26, 2013


Here is the sure-fire cure for any earworm.

You are welcome.
posted by slogger at 11:57 AM on April 26, 2013


Sara c. I understand. I wish I had restaurants to walk to but instead I drive all over LA.
posted by amapolaroja at 8:22 PM on April 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I drive all over LA, too, but sometimes it's nice to know that I'm offsetting at least some of that gigantic platter of carb I'm about to eat.
posted by Sara C. at 8:29 PM on April 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Our closest restaurant is a greasy, burger joint. Not really worth the walk most days.
posted by amapolaroja at 8:36 PM on April 26, 2013


Are foldover sandwiches just half-sandwiches where you didn't bother to actually cut the bread? Or some other bread stuff combination I can't figure out?
posted by grapesaresour at 9:20 PM on April 26, 2013


you take one slice of bread, add sandwich ingredients, then fold over the slice to make a "sandwich" of sorts.
posted by Sara C. at 9:28 PM on April 26, 2013


It's like a bread taco. A braco.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:23 PM on April 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just hollow out a boule of bread with a good crunchy crust and fill it with whatever you desire.
posted by The Whelk at 5:25 PM on April 27, 2013


You would all recognize MacArthur Park forever if you'd just think of the dinosaurs.

(This is my second Weird Al reference on MeFi this evening. Do these things come in threes?)
posted by maryr at 8:55 PM on April 28, 2013


PS: I like to think that claymation of Al's hair was the inspiration for Brave.
posted by maryr at 8:57 PM on April 28, 2013


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