This isn't the advice you're looking for

July 18, 2012 7:00 PM

Help me find AskMeFi questions where posters get advice that is nothing at all like what they would have expected.

Some vaguely remembered examples:

Q. Does this guy like me, if so how should I ask him out?
A. He's your phD supervisor and that would be the worst thing you could ever possibly do for your career, DO NOT ASK HIM OUT!

Q. How do I give my boyfriend the space he needs?
A. Sounds like he's got another girlfriend/wife/family, DTMFA!

They don't have to be just human relations questions, I will also accept things like (hypothetical example):

Q. What should I do on my upcoming trip to Bellingham, WA?
A. Haven't you heard, there has been a massive zombie outbreak in Bellingham, you should probably cancel.

Please help me find some more unexpected advice!!

posted by peppermintfreddo to MetaFilter-Related at 7:00 PM (542 comments total)

Would it be too meta if we responded to your request by giving you nothing like what you wanted?
posted by Chekhovian at 7:16 PM on July 18, 2012 [80 favorites]

Why?
posted by eyeballkid at 7:18 PM on July 18, 2012

Are you looking for examples where the advice was *good* advice, and really helped the asker avoid a dumb mistake?
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:24 PM on July 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I was actually just reading the one where the guy talked about his amazing self and his charming fedora and pinstripes and fake accent and he wanted to meet women for casual sex, and pretty much the one thing he seemed absolutely bedrock-certain about was that the problem was not his wondrous little ways, and then hoo boy.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:25 PM on July 18, 2012 [39 favorites]

Anonymous Banjo
posted by ChuraChura at 7:36 PM on July 18, 2012 [33 favorites]

"Wow, are you asking the wrong question. Run."
posted by kagredon at 7:44 PM on July 18, 2012 [16 favorites]

the Taters Saga comes to mind.
posted by elizardbits at 7:46 PM on July 18, 2012

The possibility of "No this is not real" was built into the question itself, but I liked that "Does this man own an ovine/canine abomination?" jawn.
posted by Greg Nog at 7:58 PM on July 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh, and the trunk cookies thing.
posted by elizardbits at 8:02 PM on July 18, 2012

Actually almost every sixcolors AskMe falls into this category.
posted by elizardbits at 8:04 PM on July 18, 2012 [23 favorites]

How do I get with my best friend's girl?

How screwed am I from eating food out of a microwaved bowl?

Is there such a thing as a "lambradoodle"?
posted by John Cohen at 8:22 PM on July 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

On buying WoW accounts: "You're not going to get what you want out of this idea. Think of some other way to vacation in badassery."

Why is my coworker so mean to me?
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 8:25 PM on July 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

What I personally wasn't expecting is how many of these questions I recognise and remember simple from their titles linked here. Scary.
posted by smoke at 8:27 PM on July 18, 2012 [15 favorites]

please come visit bellingham the zombies are gone and we could use some fresh brains
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 8:44 PM on July 18, 2012 [29 favorites]

i mean faces
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 8:44 PM on July 18, 2012 [29 favorites]

I want to throw a blanket fort party with open flames.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:54 PM on July 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Oh, man, this one. Guy wants to know if asking girls out "for drinks" but not drinking at all himself is creepy; does not react well when people tell him that it might be.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:00 PM on July 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

Q. Does this guy like me, if so how should I ask him out?
A. He's your phD supervisor and that would be the worst thing you could ever possibly do for your career, DO NOT ASK HIM OUT!
posted by axiom at 9:02 PM on July 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Whenever you ask a question, brace yourself. The answer, the right answer, is like a strong wind that will tear down your fragile sense of self. And here, only here, will you learn wisdom.

"I honestly believe it is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so." --- Josh Billings.
posted by SPrintF at 9:20 PM on July 18, 2012 [8 favorites]

Memorable ones for me are the portable gin and tonics one and the fedora guy.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:22 PM on July 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Why is my coworker so mean to me?

Oh wow. He called that question "Dealing with lunatics at work 101". WOW.

Also: I wasn't the asker, but I am to this day still totally baffled by the responses to Still rude to wear a hat indoors?
posted by davidjmcgee at 9:28 PM on July 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

I don't know why I remember this one but I sort of always liked the one where the guy got invited by a couple to participate in a threesome and the answerers all had to explain to him that yeah, probably this doesn't just mean you will have sex with the woman in front of the man.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:30 PM on July 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

OH GOD THE HAT THREAD.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:39 PM on July 18, 2012 [15 favorites]

The question that sparked the original taters mystery (now resolved!) is a pretty classic example of the "not what you wanted to hear" genre, but then again so are many relationship questions.
posted by lalex at 9:40 PM on July 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

You know, the weird thing is that I was thinking of a different "It's OK to date my professor, right?" question to which almost all the lady academics were all "Sure, if you never want to get a job" than the one already linked here.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:47 PM on July 18, 2012

Identicalify two XP user accounts?
posted by flabdablet at 9:47 PM on July 18, 2012

Also, who was that guy who tried to use AskMe to further his ebay scam, only to find THE WRATH OF THE INTERNET descend upon him?
posted by lalex at 9:56 PM on July 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh yeah that was great, the guy who asked like three variations on 'I bought a laptop and got a box of rocks, what have the scammers not thought of to make this the perfect crime?'
posted by shakespeherian at 9:57 PM on July 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ah, yes: airnxtz, ebay hero.
posted by davidjmcgee at 10:03 PM on July 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

Sometimes when I am feeling a bit of the old internets ennui I go back and read the airnxtz stuff and oh how I lol.

Also, wasn't there a "shoes in the house y/n?" thread that went tharn in the way of the hat one?
posted by elizardbits at 10:10 PM on July 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Why do some people wear shoes indoors?
posted by davidjmcgee at 10:13 PM on July 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ah, there is a long and happy history of shoes in the house.
posted by lalex at 10:14 PM on July 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I still have access to the shoes in the house google spreadsheet. I wonder if anyone actually analyzed the data.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:16 PM on July 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh yeah. lalex has it in the 'shoes' link. Egads.
posted by davidjmcgee at 10:16 PM on July 18, 2012

And yeah, okay, this is totally not even on the requested topic but let's all go back and read that "should I pay to replace a rude guest's shawl" thingy because oh man what are people even LIKE.
posted by elizardbits at 10:18 PM on July 18, 2012 [45 favorites]

I still have access to the shoes in the house google spreadsheet.

what
posted by lalex at 10:18 PM on July 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

And yeah, okay, this is totally not even on the requested topic but let's all go back and read that "should I pay to replace a rude guest's shawl" thingy because oh man what are people even LIKE.

That was one of the most satisfyingly resolved AskMes ever.
posted by lalex at 10:19 PM on July 18, 2012 [11 favorites]

My favourite part was the followup at the very end where the OP revealed that the rude guest in question had also made snide comments about their allegedly "obese baby".
posted by elizardbits at 10:20 PM on July 18, 2012 [14 favorites]

My high school friends behaved like internet trolls. Is my college where people care about anti-oppression work and identity politics a 'poisonous' place? Should I transfer?

OP seems open to learning initially, and there's some fantastic advice in there about confronting privilege for the first time and how to deal. Too bad the OP starts backpedaling and getting defensive upon reading the early comments.
posted by ActionPopulated at 10:22 PM on July 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

ugh why am i still awake you are all terrible enablers
posted by elizardbits at 10:22 PM on July 18, 2012 [27 favorites]

My favorite part was where the rude guest demanded white pepper for her soup. I actually had to look up white pepper.
posted by lalex at 10:24 PM on July 18, 2012

the rude guest's shawl question was resolved and I missed it?! dangit!
posted by batmonkey at 10:25 PM on July 18, 2012

So many questions get resolved a billion years after they're asked. I think this question is my personal favorite (update, second and even more awesome update).
posted by lalex at 10:32 PM on July 18, 2012 [44 favorites]

Yes, it was resolved.
posted by annsunny at 10:32 PM on July 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

After the pants was the afterpants
That was the first time I'd ever heard of afterpants.

I can't find a link to the "sit or stand?" question, but that was full of What is this I don't even.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:33 PM on July 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

White guy about to travel to India wants to know how to marry a beautiful, young Hindu woman.
posted by lamp at 10:48 PM on July 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

Wait seriously, what is the "shoes in the house google spreadsheet"? Is that a real thing?
posted by lalex at 10:49 PM on July 18, 2012

A recent question about how to make a baby with the least sex possible got at least one answer suggesting artificial insemination, which was deleted.
posted by ODiV at 10:53 PM on July 18, 2012

Thanks all for the above (and below, if applicable)... Sounds like I've got some hilarous reading to do if work would stop being so inconsiderately busy.

(This is my first venture away from the green, so am loving the general smartassery over here!)
posted by peppermintfreddo at 11:06 PM on July 18, 2012

*Dryly* My own question "What's a guy like you doing in a job like this."

I think people here should give the askers a -leetle- more credit. While I didn't know asking a question about cyberstalking, good intentions or bad, would be deleted, not everyone who asks a dubious question needs answers from people attempting to be therapists from their living rooms.

Those answering should just let those asking figure out whether action should be taken on their own. Weighing your decision and making the right choice is part of being an adult and sometimes, when I'm reading some of the questions (especially those about something random, like food or vacationing or sports), I think members on here take it upon themselves to be a bit too motherly.

Depending on my question being answered (heh, admittedly when it's less questionable) is why I come to Metafilter. If an asker wants your opinion, don't you think they'd....ask?
posted by DisreputableDog at 11:07 PM on July 18, 2012

MetaFilter: why am i still awake you are all terrible enablers
posted by no regrets, coyote at 11:10 PM on July 18, 2012 [22 favorites]

One of my favorites was the guy who clearly thought his girlfriend was being ridiculous. You see, she got angry that when she dimmed the lights and asked him to rub some lotion on her butt, he agreed... then switched on NPR to listen to some news.

He hasn't posted since, so I'm guessing he was unhappy with the answers he got.
posted by Superplin at 11:43 PM on July 18, 2012 [20 favorites]

I am 99% sure that fr0zen did not get the response she was looking for.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:49 PM on July 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

OH GOD NEEDS RABBIT-HOLE TAG
posted by trip and a half at 12:22 AM on July 19, 2012 [25 favorites]

John Cohen: "How screwed am I from eating food out of a microwaved bowl?
"

I really hope that he's okay.
posted by Deathalicious at 12:31 AM on July 19, 2012 [11 favorites]

I've posted plenty of such replies, to have them deleted by the mods. The most brazenly stupid deletion was a person that was worried that their prospective relationship partner was not sufficiently awed by the poster's artistic accomplishment and production, to whom I told in a more elaborate form to get over themselves and their artistic insecurities.
posted by CautionToTheWind at 2:41 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

A while back, regarding a school choral trip to Europe where my kid had a college orientation obligation and couldn't attend, I asked for advice about repaying scholarship money I had never applied for and received a lot of replies going completely off the rails that my kid should go to Europe.
posted by kinetic at 2:53 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

I don't like dogs and my spouse and I have longstanding conflict over our cats. What large un-doglike dog breed should we get?
posted by drlith at 3:31 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

The one I recall is where a poster wanted advice on how to trick craigslist into deleting classifieds that he found morally objectionable. Orthogallity provided an answer awesome in its futility that was just plausible enough that the poster may actually have tried it. It resulted in a metatalk thread.
posted by RichardP at 3:38 AM on July 19, 2012 [14 favorites]

...argh, that should have been "orthogonality".
posted by RichardP at 3:41 AM on July 19, 2012

Wow, Kinetic, I remember that confounding bunfight but didn't see your last update - I can't believe that insanity continued!
posted by smoke at 3:52 AM on July 19, 2012

Given the way you asked that question kinetic, the answers you got were entirely predictable. As you acknowledged in your own reply to that very question!
posted by pharm at 4:40 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Seriously though Kinetic, what about this trip? Is she going or not? Btw no other kids are going but I think she'd have fun.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:07 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Now you're just stirring Potomac :)
posted by pharm at 5:12 AM on July 19, 2012

We've had several questions were some guy (it always seems to be a guy, but I may have missed the ones asked by women) wants to know how to ask out a female waitress/barista/cashier/bartender etc at some place of business that he frequents. The majority of answers are "Don't do it. It's skeevy to ask out a woman at her work place. She's just being friendly because it's her job."
posted by nooneyouknow at 5:15 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Can I ever get revenge on a fraudulent eBay Seller?", in which the fraudulent eBay seller tries to determine if his marks can get back at him and triggers the MeFi Detective Squad instead.
posted by OmieWise at 5:25 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

"Why Did Hotmail Change My Settings?"

"Dude, they didn't. You're misunderstanding."

"Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about!"
posted by OmieWise at 5:32 AM on July 19, 2012 [17 favorites]

Oh god, metatalk just turned into TV Tropes. I am not getting anything done for a couple hours.
posted by sundaydriver at 5:55 AM on July 19, 2012 [24 favorites]

What happened with the eBay scam guy, anyway? Did the Bakersfield PD ever get back to mathowie?
posted by Diablevert at 5:57 AM on July 19, 2012

"He's Not Married" was great because everyone swore the guy the was either a complete fuckup or cheating scumbag. He was neither and everything ended swell.

People are often complex and learning about this via a third party (AskMe) doesn't always present a good picture of them, nor do they fit neatly into our preconceived notions.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:02 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

lamp: "White guy about to travel to India wants to know how to marry a beautiful, young Hindu woman."

I read it and then was shocked that it was Meatbomb. Given how much he's traveled around the world and how otherwise chill he seems, it just boggled the mind that he would ask a question like that. But I think I started to know more about him after he'd asked this question, and maybe MetaFilter has larned him?
posted by Deathalicious at 6:21 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

kinetic: "A while back, regarding a school choral trip to Europe where my kid had a college orientation obligation and couldn't attend, I asked for advice about repaying scholarship money I had never applied for and received a lot of replies going completely off the rails that my kid should go to Europe."

I remember the MeTa, and I still feel bad about the intrusive and inappropriate question/comment I made there.
posted by Deathalicious at 6:25 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

So I, uh, had one of these. God, that was a bad time. You wouldn't necessarily know it from reading the question, but I nearly died. Didn't get the answers I wanted, definitely got the answers I needed.
posted by Acheman at 6:25 AM on July 19, 2012 [54 favorites]

"I've posted plenty of such replies, to have them deleted by the mods. The most brazenly stupid deletion was a person that was worried that their prospective relationship partner was not sufficiently awed by the poster's artistic accomplishment and production, to whom I told in a more elaborate form to get over themselves and their artistic insecurities."

“Dear AskMetaFilter: What do I do when the admins here don't appreciate my extraordinary insight into human nature and they delete my valuable answers?”

DTMFA^†

† I don't think this needs to be spelled out.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:38 AM on July 19, 2012

Oh god, metatalk just turned into TV Tropes. I am not getting anything done for a couple hours

Weapon Of Mass Distraction.
posted by The Whelk at 6:59 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Is that the new Spearhead album?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:01 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

There was also the anon ask "I think my husband is trying to kill me" which, iirc, turned out to be an elaborate troll, no?
posted by elizardbits at 7:02 AM on July 19, 2012

And I really want to see the shoes spreadsheet too!
posted by elizardbits at 7:02 AM on July 19, 2012

I wonder how many song lyrics you could effectively work into AskMe questions?

" I always feel like somebody's watching me..."
posted by The Whelk at 7:06 AM on July 19, 2012

kinetic, how 'bout an update to the saga? The thread's actually open, so you could still drop one in there.
posted by item at 7:11 AM on July 19, 2012

Are we still talking about McCarren Pool?
posted by griphus at 7:12 AM on July 19, 2012

I read it and then was shocked that it was Meatbomb. Given how much he's traveled around the world and how otherwise chill he seems, it just boggled the mind that he would ask a question like that. But I think I started to know more about him after he'd asked this question, and maybe MetaFilter has larned him?

I have been logged out and lurking since June 26th, sort of transitioning from participation here. Came back specifically because of this.

I posted this question in a darkish time. I was on a short term contract in Korea, in a place I really hated, where I did not have any real life friends or social outlets to hand. I tended to sit up until the late late hours with a bottle of soju or two or three, interacting with the Internet.

Just for the record, it was an absolutely sincere question. If I wasn't now happily married with children it would still be on my to do list. I have a very strong fetish for Hinduism and Indian women... so sue me, I guess?

If I had my druthers I would have that question nuked because it keeps coming up, years after the fact, as this incredibly wrong and strange thing that I did. Whatevs, my cross to bear and I guess there are worse things people do - at least I do not wear a fedora. :)

Everyone has strange stuff going around in their heads. The trick is to avoid sharing the impolitic stuff with Metafilter when you are blind drunk.

Logging back out...
posted by Meatbomb at 7:14 AM on July 19, 2012 [50 favorites]

We've had several questions were some guy (it always seems to be a guy, but I may have missed the ones asked by women) wants to know how to ask out a female waitress/barista/cashier/bartender etc at some place of business that he frequents. The majority of answers are "Don't do it. It's skeevy to ask out a woman at her work place. She's just being friendly because it's her job."

These ones are great because there are just as many questions where the poster is encouraged to ask someone out in a work or professional setting or at least given advice on how to do it. Phrasing and word choice I guess. I can't understand it at all which is why I basically don't say anything personal to anyone I encounter at work (their's or mine or both). Just too risky.

There was also the anon ask "I think my husband is trying to kill me" which, iirc, turned out to be an elaborate troll, no?

Here. Meta. Some people thought it was but there wasn't any actual confirmation from the poster. And the question stood which means the mods must have not been sure either.
posted by Mitheral at 7:14 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Huh. The one I immediately thought of turns out to have been deleted per poster's request. It was a human relations question where everyone, I think 100% of the responders, thought the poster had the wrong end of the stick. I'm kind of disappointed to see that he he didn't come back and say he was going to rethink things.
posted by BibiRose at 7:15 AM on July 19, 2012

I remember that poor sad shawl girl. I hope someone helps her grow up into a self-aware and gracious person. Cause the world does not need more nasty little things modeling themselves on reality celebrity.
posted by crush-onastick at 7:16 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Middle Aged Man's Dilemma: Extremely dissapointed about most of the responses. I should have known better. I am going to take a day or two, re-read the responses. Then decide if I should respond, or listen to my instincts and just leave this Forum. Pretend that I was not stupid enough to even THINK I could get civil answers on this or any online format. Really am offended at the name-calling and those name-calling and negative members have shown the true colors and flavor of this Forum.

MeTa with a fun unmod like pre-mod comment to lead off from cortex. (He was usually so measured even before he became a mod, and he tries to redeem himself with his last sentence...)
posted by OmieWise at 7:17 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

I remember that poor sad shawl girl. I hope someone helps her grow up into a self-aware and gracious person.

C'mon, she said she'd take cash...
posted by OmieWise at 7:18 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Just for the record, it was an absolutely sincere question. If I wasn't now happily married with children it would still be on my to do list. I have a very strong fetish for Hinduism and Indian women... so sue me, I guess?

Ya there was a lot of ... well I don't know what but that always seemed like a fairly innocuous question that seemed to push all the wrong buttons for some people. I've contemplated a few times asking the same question but replacing the racial preference with something allowed. Maybe a prefrence for blonds or Isralies.
posted by Mitheral at 7:21 AM on July 19, 2012

This particular MeTa thread was the best possible one to come across yesterday when I had jury duty, so thanks!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:24 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

"Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about!"
posted by OmieWise at 1:32 PM on July 19


First response:

Do you want mommy to kiss your boo-boo?
posted by smackfu at 7:37 PM on October 26, 2006

As soon as I stopped laughing I checked the date, sure that it would be at least five years ago, because that sort of richly-deserved and highly amusing snark would get deleted in about two minutes flat, these days. More's the pity.
posted by Decani at 7:25 AM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

When you finish building your time machine you will no longer have to worry about that sort of thing.
posted by elizardbits at 7:32 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Me: I sleepwalk. Can I train myself to do chores in my sleep?
AskMe: No. Also, stop sleepwalking before somebody winds up dead.
posted by the latin mouse at 7:33 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

The one where the woman had her cake ruined and she was asking if she had the right to feel upset and people were more angry than she was was great, but I can't find it.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:33 AM on July 19, 2012 [18 favorites]

Probably because one of the guests had already escaped from the Aperture Science testing facility.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:38 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

Middle Aged Man's Dilemma: Extremely dissapointed about most of the responses. I should have known better. I am going to take a day or two, re-read the responses. Then decide if I should respond, or listen to my instincts and just leave this Forum. Pretend that I was not stupid enough to even THINK I could get civil answers on this or any online format. Really am offended at the name-calling and those name-calling and negative members have shown the true colors and flavor of this Forum.

Is there an identifiable demographic that uses this prose style? It's quite common but it's such a weird combination of terse (missing subjects, verbs and pronouns) and windy. And then there's the casual illiteracy. An awful lot of the time when I see this style it turns out to be some cranky paterfamilias type who's pissed off at his wife and/or children. I would think that post was fake except that that seems like a hard style to produce unless it comes naturally.
posted by BibiRose at 7:38 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

CAKE
posted by elizardbits at 7:42 AM on July 19, 2012 [24 favorites]

Decani: "As soon as I stopped laughing I checked the date, sure that it would be at least five years ago, because that sort of richly-deserved and highly amusing snark would get deleted in about two minutes flat, these days. More's the pity."

Nah....that comment was in Metatalk. Definitely would've been deleted in Ask, though.
posted by Grither at 7:48 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also, this thread is making it very difficult to get anything done at work today.
posted by Grither at 7:51 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

As soon as I stopped laughing I checked the date, sure that it would be at least five years ago, because that sort of richly-deserved and highly amusing snark would get deleted in about two minutes flat, these days.

Dunno. It devolved into a flaming pile-on, which understandably can cause defensiveness. Sneering dismissal of a user's concerns are never a good way to educate and help them... instead of screaming, "Shuddup! We're right!", acknowledging reklaw's concerns and then walking him to the right conclusion rather than running him over with a bulldozer would have made for a MUCH better thread. I understand that takes patience and respect for someone with intelligence but without experience in the problem domain, but if that's too hard for you, maybe stay out of the threads that require it?

Then again, sometimes nerds can't help themselves - being right is more important than solving the issue. It's a pretty serious problem in IT as well.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:52 AM on July 19, 2012

My god, that cake destroyer lady thread is crazy. Like, she even puts rude shawl lady to shame.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:56 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

Okay, now I wanna hear some of cobaltnine's stories from the sleep lab.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:56 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I remember almost all of these.

There was the woman who wanted to ask out her banker; I can't remember if it had a happy ending though.
posted by Forktine at 7:59 AM on July 19, 2012

Damn what it is that makes my brain squirt pleasure juice whenever I read about someone being super rude
posted by theodolite at 7:59 AM on July 19, 2012 [33 favorites]

From the cake thread: She would be wearing the remainder of the cake if it were me. "Yes, your honour. I was trying to shove the fondant bees up her nose." :D :D :D
posted by zarq at 8:01 AM on July 19, 2012 [11 favorites]

your snark gland is excreting excess amounts of schadenfreudase.
posted by elizardbits at 8:03 AM on July 19, 2012 [16 favorites]

Sneering dismissal of a user's concerns are never a good way to educate and help them... instead of screaming, "Shuddup! We're right!", acknowledging reklaw's concerns and then walking him to the right conclusion rather than running him over with a bulldozer would have made for a MUCH better thread.

Yeah, keep in mind that reklaw had already yelled at folks in his AskMe, and then yelled at folks in the MeTa. He was also a user whose tone was rude in many circumstances. This is the dude who ultimately got banned (or closed his account, I can't remember) for posting the Hedwig Dies thread on a lark, and then getting fighty in the subsequent MeTa.
posted by OmieWise at 8:04 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

This question about staying away from a "toxic web forum" had an AMAZING seven-paragraph answer that was like, "I'm part of the webforum in question, and you've completely mischaracterized how you behaved over there," but it got deleted.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:08 AM on July 19, 2012 [9 favorites]

Greg Nog: "but it got deleted."

That's ridiculous. I get that the mods would want to prevent an inter-site fight, but people can't answer the question properly if they're being lied to.
posted by zarq at 8:11 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

greg wins the thread.
posted by elizardbits at 8:11 AM on July 19, 2012

OH god, that cake thread is unbelievable! I love it. And I loved the OP's level-headedness and then this line almost had me in tears laughing: "She'd pushed the bees down their sticks...impaling them Vlad-style,"

WTH is wrong with people? Hahah oh man. My sides hurt.
posted by Grither at 8:15 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

This is the dude who ultimately got banned (or closed his account, I can't remember) for posting the Hedwig Dies thread on a lark, and then getting fighty in the subsequent MeTa.

Yikes, yeah - but on the other hand, this isn't apparent from the two threads in question. Which is another reason not to jump onto pile-ons and grudgematches, it looks reeeeeeal bad to those without the background.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:16 AM on July 19, 2012

an AMAZING seven-paragraph answer that was like, "I'm part of the webforum in question, and you've completely mischaracterized how you behaved over there,"

I'm curious if the deleted answer was from someone who joined just to make that answer, or was from a longstanding MetaFilter member? Do you remember?

On preview:
Yikes, yeah - but on the other hand, this isn't apparent from the two threads in question. Which is another reason not to jump onto pile-ons and grudgematches, it looks reeeeeeal bad to those without the background.

Well, maybe. I argued in that thread somewhere that part of the problem for that user is that his jerkiness on the site was kind of a known quantity. In other words, he was reaping what he had sown. That might not look great, and it may not be great, but I do think it's one of the results of having persistent and unique usernames. If you come off all fighty all the time then you are likely to get some fighty back. At one point he says in that MeTa that he's only a jerk to other people when they really need it. I think some folks thought he needed it.
posted by OmieWise at 8:24 AM on July 19, 2012

Day 1,814: Still no update!
posted by gnomeloaf at 8:27 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also the taters thing from earlier reminded me:

In about 2003 or so, I had a friend who was going to come and stay at my place for a little while. One of the preparations I made was to rename the porn folder on my computer to something innocuous. I figured I'd just name it some random word. Earlier on that week, the person I'd been seeing had said something their grandmother used to say when a person was on to something: "Now you're digging where there's taters!" Which I had found charming and it stuck with me. So I picked that. Taters. That is what I named my porn folder. And that is what it's been named since then.

The thing is, I never actually told anyone about this and the friend in question never went looking on my computer, so this information never lived anywhere but my head.

A few years later I started lurking on Metafilter (I'd been reading it for a long time but not reading any of the comments) and the other sites (like this one!) and kind of getting a sense of the culture and it slowly dawned on me that people were using the word "taters" as a euphemism for porn.

For about a second - for like maybe one second - I had this reaction where I was like, wait, what the fuck? Is this what it feels like to be paranoid schizophrenic?

Then I realized it was just a Charles Fort-worthy coincidence. But still, wow.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:28 AM on July 19, 2012 [89 favorites]

Gnomeloaf: an update for what, exactly? In the thread you link to the OP says that they figured out who installed the camera and fired them.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:33 AM on July 19, 2012

I'm curious if the deleted answer was from someone who joined just to make that answer, or was from a longstanding MetaFilter member? Do you remember?

The account that posted the answer was one created just before they posted it; but it began with "I've been posting on MeFi for years", so I assume it was a regular user who bought a sockpuppet for this'un.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:34 AM on July 19, 2012

Both reklaw threads have some delightful insults - Lord Pall's use of both cockbag and cockboat in a single comment made my entire morning.

That was a very deserved ban.
posted by troika at 8:37 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

> I wasn't the asker, but I am to this day still totally baffled by the responses to Still rude to wear a hat indoors?

Can I ask why? I thought it was an interesting thread that had a lot of interesting answers; what was it that baffled you?
posted by languagehat at 8:39 AM on July 19, 2012

Oh, how about the thread about "how much name dropping is too much"? Would that count?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:43 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

EmpressCallipygos: Sorry, I should have clarified. WHAT ABOUT THE MISSING LIQUOR???
posted by gnomeloaf at 8:44 AM on July 19, 2012

The account that posted the answer was one created just before they posted it; but it began with "I've been posting on MeFi for years", so I assume it was a regular user who bought a sockpuppet for this'un.

Fascinating. Thanks.
posted by OmieWise at 8:44 AM on July 19, 2012

Oh, that weirdass namedropping thread! I just thought about that the other day.
posted by griphus at 8:45 AM on July 19, 2012

I forgot all about that ghastly tedious thread and that ghastly tedious person, oh my god.
posted by elizardbits at 8:48 AM on July 19, 2012

I forgot all about that ghastly tedious thread and that ghastly tedious person, oh my god.

In the MeTa, someone made a crack about whether anyone had seen Peter Dinklage's...."Dinklage," which is a euphemism I've really been meaning to start using.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:50 AM on July 19, 2012

Wait, there was a meta for that monstrosity? LINKPLZ.
posted by elizardbits at 8:52 AM on July 19, 2012

Well I was at Mettie's, sorry Meryl Streep's house a while back and Owens asks the question "How much namedropping is too much?", so I turn to Bill Gibson and I says-
posted by The Whelk at 8:52 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

The MeTa gets even more name-droppy.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:53 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

"These ones are great because there are just as many questions where the poster is encouraged to ask someone out in a work or professional setting or at least given advice on how to do it."

What you describe in your comment always amazes and dismays me. So much forceful certainty that there's only one, self-evident, correct response possible. Even when the thread is filled with numerous distinct and contradictory "self-evident" and "correct" responses.

I just re-read those meatbomb threads. I didn't remember them and was caught unaware when I came to my own comment — but I'm glad to see that my reaction now is the same then in that I am disturbed by how much (some) people project of their own subjective and limited experience into answering questions and, in doing so, feel fully entitled to be as hatefully judgmental as they probably always yearn to be.

The exact thing which seems to be a primary appeal of AskMe relationship questions for a large number of people is precisely what I don't like about it and which makes me just plain sad. I generally am suspicious of the tendency toward being judgmental but I will not pretend that I don't have my own weaknesses in this area. I do.

But, well, it tends toward criticizing either social and political institutions or, when it involves individuals, a particular example of a behavior. Not a diagnosis of moral character. AskMe human relationship questions — all the interpersonal stuff, not just romantic/sexual relationship — very frequently end up being a bunch of commenters deciding whether or not someone is a Bad Person. Not simply that there's a problem with a particular behavior. Or that there's some personality conflict that needs to be resolved or avoided — but, rather, that someone is a villain. These threads end up being stories with victims and villains and heroes (the commenters giving the advice?).

It sometimes seems to me that AskMe, in the case of interpersonal stuff, ends up being a sort of a partly interactive, partly voyeuristic drama that requires a coherent narrative with familiar story archetypes. Real people are reduced to two-dimensional outlines — of course the boyfriend is actually married and cheating on his wife, of course the poster is a sexist, colonialist looking to subjugate Indian women. It makes such a better story that way!

"Damn what it is that makes my brain squirt pleasure juice whenever I read about someone being super rude"

That you've identified a villain. Outrage truly does involve some strong brain chemistry which includes a stimulation of the pleasure centers. More specifically, identifying a particular villain gives the outrage a precise target who can be socially punished, so a function opposite to that of oxytocin is probably involved. See also: MetaTalk callouts.

"schadenfreudase"

This thread was worth it just for that. Although schadenfreude isn't quite right. Maybe contemptonin.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:55 AM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

what was it that baffled you?

Heh. I've started and stopped an answer to this question like nine times now and can't figure out a way to do it that doesn't maybe blow open the argument again. I mean... it just never would have occurred to me that people would be offended by anybody else's sartorial choices.
posted by davidjmcgee at 8:58 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Which is to say I would have thought it was a complete non-thing, and then suddenly it was REALLY FIGHTY and people felt REALLY STRONGLY and I didn't even know that was a thing people would feel anything about at all.

It was like the news-team brawl in Anchorman, you know? It got out of hand FAST.
posted by davidjmcgee at 8:59 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

I forgot all about that ghastly tedious thread and that ghastly tedious person, oh my god.

That was one of those threads where I ran into the next room to rant to the husband about it. "OMGWTFMEFITES!!!!"
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:00 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

it just never would have occurred to me that people would be offended by anybody else's sartorial choices.

I thought that was pretty much all we did here?
posted by The Whelk at 9:01 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I can just tell from the tone of your comment that you're wearing a cardigan. RUBE.
posted by davidjmcgee at 9:02 AM on July 19, 2012

Heh. I've started and stopped an answer to this question like nine times now and can't figure out a way to do it that doesn't maybe blow open the argument again. I mean... it just never would have occurred to me that people would be offended by anybody else's sartorial choices.

I was similarly baffled by this AskMe thread about my name, which to this day I regret participating in and always think about when people take things too personally on MetaFilter.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:02 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Which is to say I would have thought it was a complete non-thing, and then suddenly it was REALLY FIGHTY and people felt REALLY STRONGLY and I didn't even know that was a thing people would feel anything about at all.

Similar, in that it's about sartorial choices that a few people seemed to feel real strongly about: can I wear a cape?
posted by Greg Nog at 9:07 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I wanted to arrive dramatically at a meetup wearing a cape immediately after that question was asked.
posted by elizardbits at 9:12 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

Cape, fedora, walking stick, bowtie, kilt, everything all at once.
posted by The Whelk at 9:13 AM on July 19, 2012 [13 favorites]

I forgot all about that ghastly tedious thread and that ghastly tedious person, oh my god.

You know it's not an anonymous question.
posted by OmieWise at 9:13 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I wanted to arrive dramatically at a meetup wearing a cape immediately after that question was asked.

Oh man even now it's sending me into an ebay fugue where I'm like "Holy shit I should totally get that cape"
posted by Greg Nog at 9:14 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

this is for you greg
posted by The Whelk at 9:16 AM on July 19, 2012

That one is too long and will get caught up in his bike.
posted by elizardbits at 9:16 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

you can cosplay as drapes
posted by The Whelk at 9:17 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

<edna mode>No capes! Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids. November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when his cape snagged on a missile fin! Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine! Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes! </edna mode>
posted by zarq at 9:18 AM on July 19, 2012 [15 favorites]

There was the thread where a woman came in to ask how to be more sensitive in recognizing her friends' racism, because her Asian boyfriend (maybe fiancee?) was getting upset. Then her updates made it clear that he was flying off the handle because she wasn't yelling at her friends for totally innocuous comments (I think one of them was being sick of Linsanity). And that he was trying to stop her from having any friendships outside of him, and was generally a controlling asshole. She had the thread deleted (so no link) and we didn't hear from her for a while. Then, happy ending! She posted another question saying that they had broken up.
posted by Ragged Richard at 9:28 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Loss for words with the tag dangerdangerwillrobinson really stood out to me. Because the tag seemed more appropriate for the poster than the subject of his question as it played out. If his relationships haven't gone any better since, he ought to hire flex as his coach going forward for all her good work in that thread. I hope he was able to make the changes he realized were needed - it's very hard to hear that sometimes you just can't have what you want, and that's one thread where I feel that tough love worked, and Ask got through to the poster, and that maybe some good came of it. He wasn't undeserving of this person, just not "there" yet in his communication skills. And I hope he's found someone to have a good relationship with, if that's what he wants.
posted by peagood at 9:28 AM on July 19, 2012

Heh. I've started and stopped an answer to this question like nine times now and can't figure out a way to do it that doesn't maybe blow open the argument again. I mean... it just never would have occurred to me that people would be offended by anybody else's sartorial choices.

So I think the disconnect is between how people view being polite. I always figure that manners are more about treating other people decently than following hard and fast rules. And I just don't see any harm other than perceived slights to people who obviously grew up in with different signals of respect than me. Which is something I try and avoid, but isn't on the same level as say, wearing muddy shoes on nice carpet.On the other hand, I know plenty of folks who ARE very concerned with the minutia of etiquette, and they're pretty much just people like everyone else. I think it's the same kind of divide as "ask\guess" cultures, but one that doesn't have a cool two word name so doesn't get brought up as much.

Of course, I'm saying this as someone who actually developed the habit of putting his keys in his hat the second time I locked myself out of my apartment wearing a hat, but no pants. So, I might just be trying to excuse my own hat wearing barbarism. In my defense, my main (as opposed to say, my fishing and hunting hat, or my grilling cap, or my winter hat), is a really well crafted hat (hand made and everything), not a baseball cap, and I do generally take it off during meals.
posted by Gygesringtone at 9:28 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

EmpressCallipygos: "Oh, how about the thread about "how much name dropping is too much"? Would that count"

Hah, I apparently had a "best answer" in that thread!
posted by Grither at 9:30 AM on July 19, 2012

OMG I hope this guy didn't marry his fianceé. Based on his responses, it sounds like he really didn't know that he actually had other options and was expecting us to say "sorry dude, suck it up you have to marry her." It's questions like this where I like to this that Mefi really and truly helped someone.
posted by Melismata at 9:31 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I remember a thread that was just a horrible (possibly abusive? I don't recall) marital situation the OP was trying to "fix." She actually ended up leaving the husband at the end. I was sort of proud of all of us on that one.
posted by griphus at 9:34 AM on July 19, 2012

That question was so depressing.
posted by elizardbits at 9:34 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Cape, fedora, walking stick, bowtie, kilt, everything all at once.

Like my mother always said: after getting ready, always remove one anachronistic accessory before leaving the house.
posted by griphus at 9:35 AM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

You always forget the monocle.
posted by elizardbits at 9:36 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

Fob watch.

I own ....two.
posted by The Whelk at 9:37 AM on July 19, 2012

I said I just asked a question IN GOOD FAITH but all I got was b.s. May this Forum die.
posted by headnsouth at 9:40 AM on July 19, 2012

"I was similarly baffled by this AskMe thread about my name, which to this day I regret participating in and always think about when people take things too personally on MetaFilter."

I can see why it bothered you and perhaps why you regret it. Even so, yours was a valuable contribution, as was each of those by people with that name who actually have vast life experience that makes them authoritative on the subject.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:41 AM on July 19, 2012

Here's the shoes-in-the-house meta, with a link to the spreadsheet.

And I didn't see if someone had this one, but here's the shawl question.

I get that the mods would want to prevent an inter-site fight, but people can't answer the question properly if they're being lied to.

It was really, really over the line in terms of AskMe etiquette and a situation that we really don't ever want to see repeated. And actually, most of the answers given were, as I recall, just as valuable no matter what the actual situation was on the third party site.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:43 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

The Whelk, god... you just reminded me of a horrible past work situation. As lead IT dude, I was in charge of a move from traditional keys to RFID keys which came attached to retractable string devices called, of course, fobs. In every single email (of many) discussing this new system, everyone but me wrote it as FOBs. I don't know why they thought it was an acronym, but the worst offender was my manager, so I had to just work in a blind rage for several months.

And that's why I am okay with The Whelk using fobs.
posted by gilrain at 9:44 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Fancy Object Bit
posted by The Whelk at 9:46 AM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

In every single email (of many) discussing this new system, everyone but me wrote it as FOBs. I don't know why they thought it was an acronym...

It could be that they simply had never heard the word "fob" before and thought that such a strange term must be an acronym for something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:48 AM on July 19, 2012

Growing up in an immigrant community, "FOB" was short for "fresh off the boat" and it's still the first place my head goes whenever I hear "fob."
posted by griphus at 9:49 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

I'm entirely certain that's what it was, EC, and assumed at the time. I am ashamed to admit such a compassionate read of the situation did not quell my rage.
posted by gilrain at 9:50 AM on July 19, 2012

Wasn't there just an askme on FOB/fob?

oh god have i become unstuck in time
posted by elizardbits at 9:50 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

I get that the mods would want to prevent an inter-site fight, but people can't answer the question properly if they're being lied to.

It became super-duper ugly immediately and whatever the truth was about the other site, it didn't have much bearing on ways to answer the OPs stated question. I'm not that stoked that people would misrepresent a situation for the purposes of getting a more or less sympathetic response from AskMe, but realistically it happens all the time and people who sign up with one-off accounts to basically attack the OP is totally out of line, not okay and insta-delete territory. There were many ridiculous aspects to that question, but taz's response was not one of them.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:50 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

This goddamn thread just ate my entire lunch hour.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 9:52 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

I am just looking for a used car...what is all this?
posted by subbes at 9:52 AM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

oh god have i become unstuck in time

All Tomorrow's AskMes.
posted by The Whelk at 9:52 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

jessamyn, I vaguely recall the laptop-give-away-want-back one you referenced but now I want to reread and can't find it again. Anyone know which that was?
posted by vegartanipla at 10:14 AM on July 19, 2012

I'm amazed at the number of these that I remember, even when I didn't say anything in any of them.
posted by rtha at 10:14 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

This goddamn thread just ate my entire lunch hour.

It is 115pm and the only work-related thing I have done so far today is show up.
posted by elizardbits at 10:15 AM on July 19, 2012 [59 favorites]

restless_nomad: "It was really, really over the line in terms of AskMe etiquette and a situation that we really don't ever want to see repeated."

I can see (now that I have more info) that someone signing up for an account (or a sock) specifically to attack an OP of a question is exactly the sort of thing you'd torpedo.

But I have to say, given recent events re: holdkris99 I'd really prefer to know that if I answer a question in good faith, I'm not being trolled. If someone is deliberately misrepresenting themselves in a question, I think the community is better off knowing it.

Under normal circumstances there's no way of knowing, of course. But in a situation like this where someone with knowledge is weighing in... man, I'd much rather know before taking the time to answer.

On preview:

jessamyn: " It became super-duper ugly immediately and whatever the truth was about the other site, it didn't have much bearing on ways to answer the OPs stated question.

OK.

I'm not that stoked that people would misrepresent a situation for the purposes of getting a more or less sympathetic response from AskMe, but realistically it happens all the time...

Yeah, but most of the rest of the time we don't have someone with knowledge of the situation weighing in.

Out of curiosity, if the person had contacted Team Mod via the contact form instead of challenging the OP in public, what would you (collective 'you', not you personally,) have done?

...and people who sign up with one-off accounts to basically attack the OP is totally out of line, not okay and insta-delete territory."

Again, I didn't know that before I commented. Was a (hopefully reasonable) assumption on my part that the person was a member, not a one-off sock.
posted by zarq at 10:17 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: The only work-related thing I have done so far today is show up.
posted by Rangeboy at 10:17 AM on July 19, 2012 [12 favorites]

There was the thread where a woman came in to ask how to be more sensitive in recognizing her friends' racism, because her Asian boyfriend (maybe fiancee?) was getting upset. Then her updates made it clear that he was flying off the handle because she wasn't yelling at her friends for totally innocuous comments (I think one of them was being sick of Linsanity).

Oooh, yeah, I remember that one. That was weird. It's sort of like a funhouse-mirror version of this thread, where the poster was asking for advice on how to handle her best friend getting upset about the poster's fiancé saying some bigoted things, to which the majority opinion seemed to be "maybe get your fiancé to stop saying biogted things?"
posted by kagredon at 10:18 AM on July 19, 2012

Out of curiosity, if the person had contacted Team Mod via the contact form instead of challenging the OP in public, what would you (collective 'you', not you personally,) have done?

I suspect we would have said something along the lines of "We understand it's really frustrating to have to see this person misrepresenting the situation, but AskMe is not the place to challenge the details, sorry."

Because the question was "How do I disengage from this situation that's making me unhappy?" not "Are these people actually bullies?" The former isn't super affected by the details of the interpersonal dynamics - of course both sides feel they're in the right, whatever, doesn't really matter. (And the random person who dropped by did not actually make a stellar case that zero bullying was going on. Clearly there it was a problematic relationship in both directions.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:26 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think you all should know that I own and wear a cape! And it is made of cashmere!

Well, okay, wool-cashmere blend, and it's for winter, but still. Cape!

I feel so bad for that cashmere-shawl girl, though. She sounded young, insecure, and lacking in social experience and grace. The two most common outcomes are that she's too clueless to ever realize how she's sabotaging her life and the lives of those around her; or that she DOES realize it and has to go through writhing embarrassment to recover. Either way, ouch.

What was the one with the Christian guy trying to rescue his girlfriend who had terrible problems (appearing to stem from untreated mental illness) and everyone posted, "Whoa, dude, you can't help her, this is out of control."? I posted in that thread like four times but I can't find it. It was really sad.

Also, semi-related, I commented on the blue one time about "toddler gym" and a couple people got totally hysterical that I was making my kid go work out at the gym (toddlers & tiara style, I guess!) ... when in fact it is literally a gymnasium that the facility opens up for toddlers in the winter so they can run in circles and kick balls around indoors when the playgrounds are covered in ice. But it totally derailed the entire thread of the conversation while people freaked out about the idea of making your toddler jog on a treadmill and work his lats. If I ever refer to it again I guess I'll call it "toddler indoor mayhem area."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:26 AM on July 19, 2012 [11 favorites]

Oh, other ones that stuck with me as being a little at odds with the asker's intentions (stated or otherwise):

"If you show up at an emergency room (in the US) with a limb in a tourniquet and claim that you got injected/infected/poisoned/exposed to something fatal on that limb (dimethylmercury for example, but others exist), will they amputate it on request?" At first this seemed to be a "satisfy my curiosity" kind of question, to which the answer was a resounding no. But then the asker followed up by basically asking, "Okay, but what if they can't be sure and either they have to do it or you die? What then?" It wasn't unbelievably weird or anything but it kind of seemed like they were looking for a specific answer to a kind of strange question, and it left me faintly puzzled.

"Is it unreasonably controlling of me to ask my girlfriend to not initiate online contact with a specific set of ex-boyfriends, namely those that she has cheated on her (ex-) husband or other boyfriends with?" He was pretty clear about what his question was, but he also included the fact that his girlfriend has this pattern where in pretty much every relationship she's ever had (and she's apparently had a lot), she winds up cheating if it goes longer than a year. Consensus (including me, so it's maybe a moot point to say I agree with the consensus) was that he might want to think a little harder about his declarations of trust for her and that the Facebooking with past dalliances is kind of not the real problem here. The OP followed up by clarifying that he had been prepared from the beginning to ignore suggestions that he should maybe not be with someone who cheats on almost everyone she dates. "Sheesh, people." Indeed.

"How to decide between current partner and new prospect" which included the statement, "I feel secure in this position for I do believe it can be done without deceit or malice." Bear in mind that doing it without deceit would involve hanging out platonically with this girl (whom he met only the previous weekend, who was in a committed relationship of two years, and who gave no indication she was attracted to him) for six months, in order to figure out whether or not he should leave his girlfriend of two years to be with her or just be single again, and telling both the new girl and his current girlfriend that this was his plan. "Hey honey, just gonna go hang out with Jane tonight. Yeah, I'm still not sure whether or not I should dump you for her. I'll tell her you said hi. What should we do for dinner tomorrow night?" The answers diverged from his question in the sense that he didn't seem to be using the same definition of "deceitful" as pretty much anyone else in the world.

"Why does my wife zing me all the time?" broke my heart a little because the asker seemed like he genuinely wanted to make the situation better but was completely oblivious to how condescending and pedantic to his wife he sounded in every example he gave. Even at the end of it, things sounded a little more hopeful but he still couldn't quite let go of the need to be as least partially right: "I've tried to stop experiencing some of our interactions on such a prickly level. That is, if I say "A" and she says, "B" or even just "A-", I say, "Well, yes, possibly B I suppose," which honestly struck me as only slightly better and will still drive his wife up a goddamn tree, but progress is progress and all, and I hope they figured it out eventually.

"Morning Medicine?" was one of those times when the asker specifically said they were only looking for health problems that might arise from doing a shot when they wake up, not social ones. Response was kind of mixed, and Jessamyn put it as diplomatically as it could possibly be put - that everything else aside, the asker might not be an alcoholic but was kind of sounding like one, what with her talk of eye-openers in the morning. Any fears of that these sounded like warning signs of a possible unhealthy relationship with alcohol were allayed when the asker first got defensive about their drinking ("I mean, if I said I was considering having an espresso in the morning, would I be getting concerns about my mental health?"), and then ultimately decided that the only way to know whether to try it or not (in the face of a good-sized thread full of reasons not to try it) was to just go ahead and try it - but since there were so many alarmist answers, the sensible thing to do would be to keep the drinking secret from coworkers. Problem solved! But seriously, I'd like to think the asker maybe tried it once and realized it's not a great idea and stopped.

Finally: The OP never followed up on The great Renminbi caper, but I'd say it certainly fits in here, if only because the OP clarified this was being done to avoid paying gift tax in China but they're certain this is not a scam - except there is no gift tax in China and the plan is identical to money laundering.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:27 AM on July 19, 2012 [17 favorites]

Eyebrows, was that this thread that Melismata mentions above?
posted by elizardbits at 10:29 AM on July 19, 2012

FOBs - if you have read a newspaper article about the US war in Afghanistan, it's Forward Operating Base..
posted by k5.user at 10:30 AM on July 19, 2012

people freaked out about the idea of making your toddler jog on a treadmill and work his lats.

Well, obviously. That's kind of a fucked up priority to have; toddlers should start with a foundation of squats and deadlifts, not cardio and lat-work.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:30 AM on July 19, 2012 [33 favorites]

Everyone needs to deadlift while quitting carbs and freezing dinners for the week.
posted by The Whelk at 10:32 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

While wearing a fedora, The Whelk. I now have three; you can borrow one if you want.
posted by rtha at 10:34 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

But it totally derailed the entire thread of the conversation while people freaked out about the idea of making your toddler jog on a treadmill.

Who else are we going to get to turn the spits? The dogs? Geese?
posted by Gygesringtone at 10:36 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

i secretly wish I could wear hats but I've got a big, weird head and nothing looks right
posted by The Whelk at 10:37 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

gnome minions
posted by elizardbits at 10:38 AM on July 19, 2012

headnsouth: "I said I just asked a question IN GOOD FAITH but all I got was b.s. May this Forum die."

Wow -- I had to do a little research and check some ages/dates after reading that one because I was almost certain that the husband/OP in that situation was Drew Peterson.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:38 AM on July 19, 2012

May I suggest a variety of stylish and whimsical fascinators?
posted by elizardbits at 10:38 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

The dogs? Geese?

Lambirdoodles?
posted by davidjmcgee at 10:39 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

burnmp3s: "I was similarly baffled by this AskMe thread about my name, which to this day I regret participating in and always think about when people take things too personally on MetaFilter."

That thread is just....wow....

(Still, I found myself strongly agreeing with the sentiment that "There aren't enough Quentins.")
posted by schmod at 10:39 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

What was the one with the Christian guy trying to rescue his girlfriend who had terrible problems (appearing to stem from untreated mental illness) and everyone posted, "Whoa, dude, you can't help her, this is out of control."? I posted in that thread like four times but I can't find it. It was really sad.

I'm pretty sure it was this one that you're thinking of. Yeah, it was really sad. Like, I can empathize with the guy really easily but it didn't make it any easier to see this thread in which he was just Not Getting It and being told by the most unanimous chorus I've ever seen that he needs to leave or, at the absolute minimum, she needs to get to a trained mental health professional.

He spent a lot of the thread seeming to be certain that their love would be enough to overcome these problems (while being told that no, anything other than leaving or getting her to a therapist would be a complete, inevitable disaster), and it ended with them talking, and she said whatever he needed to hear in order to not leave, and she agreed to talk to a priest. So...not in therapy and he's not leaving, but he believes their love will be enough to overcome these problems.

Who knows. I wonder about them sometimes. Absent any information, I can only hope they worked it out in some constructive, healthy way.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:40 AM on July 19, 2012

OH GOD ALSO what was that askme where someone compared not liking babies to not liking dogs?
posted by elizardbits at 10:40 AM on July 19, 2012

by the most unanimous chorus I've ever seen

Yes indeed. You know when you're in trouble when mathowie uses the word "dude. ..." in a comment.
posted by Melismata at 10:42 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Dr. Who Fascinator
posted by The Whelk at 10:42 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: The only work-related thing I have done so far today is show up.

Not that it's a high bar or anything, but this thread is handily the best clip show ever.
posted by gauche at 10:42 AM on July 19, 2012 [12 favorites]

It's settled then: gnomes riding lambridoodles are what I'm going to use for all my spit turning needs.
posted by Gygesringtone at 10:43 AM on July 19, 2012

In this question someone was writing an editorial for a school newspaper and asked for Hitler quotations that would support his opponent's position. I suggested that this wasn't an optimal strategy, and other respondents agreed. His editorial eventually ran without the quotation.
posted by googly at 10:45 AM on July 19, 2012

I would like to waste my very first MetaTalk Comment by saying how much I have enjoyed this thread today, and have been following it all morning... and now afternoon!
posted by RainyJay at 10:45 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

OH GOD ALSO what was that askme where someone compared not liking babies to not liking dogs?

Was that the one where the woman complained about having to share her friend with her new born baby? And the example of changing a baby's diaper on restaurant table was used?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:46 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

YES YES
posted by elizardbits at 10:47 AM on July 19, 2012

Was that the one where the woman complained about having to share her friend with her new born baby? And the example of changing a baby's diaper on restaurant table was used?

Oh. Man. I remember that one. It also spawned a gigantic MeTa.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:48 AM on July 19, 2012

a literal shitstorm, if you will.
posted by elizardbits at 10:49 AM on July 19, 2012

FAMOUS MONSTER, elizardbits, yes, that was the one. I must have missed it because I've been supervising lunch while reading this thread so jumping back and forth a bit. (BUT NOW IT'S NAPTIME! YAY!) It's so sad; that's probably the thread that's stuck with me the most, and I wonder if they're well frequently.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:49 AM on July 19, 2012

It's not this one, but that one did spawn a 724-comment MeTa.
posted by griphus at 10:50 AM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

That may indeed be the one, Griphus.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:51 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think it is that one; the dog analogy is in the MeTa comments.
posted by lalex at 10:51 AM on July 19, 2012

In that case, I'd like my finder's fee in small, non-consecutive bills.
posted by griphus at 10:52 AM on July 19, 2012

(Still, I found myself strongly agreeing with the sentiment that "There aren't enough Quentins.")

I'm getting ready to do a full legal name change soon and haven't really settled on a middle name. I'd be happy to take Quentin just to up the tally.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 10:54 AM on July 19, 2012

Eyebrows McGee: "Also, semi-related, I commented on the blue one time about "toddler gym" and a couple people got totally hysterical that I was making my kid go work out at the gym (toddlers & tiara style, I guess!) ... when in fact it is literally a gymnasium that the facility opens up for toddlers in the winter so they can run in circles and kick balls around indoors when the playgrounds are covered in ice. But it totally derailed the entire thread of the conversation while people freaked out about the idea of making your toddler jog on a treadmill and work his lats. If I ever refer to it again I guess I'll call it "toddler indoor mayhem area.""

I remember that thread. My toddlers were going to a "My Gym" near us twice a week at the time and I couldn't help but laugh at the outraged responses you were getting. I mean, my kids' gym class had story time, circle time, a ball pit, trampolines and stuff to climb on. It's not like they were doing pushups.:)

Although you know... if my gym had trampolines, story time and a ball pit I bet I'd like going a lot more....
posted by zarq at 10:54 AM on July 19, 2012 [14 favorites]

So, tucked into your glittery manthong then. I see.
posted by elizardbits at 10:54 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

That was technically a response to griphus but it also works as a delightfully hilarious response to zarq.
posted by elizardbits at 10:55 AM on July 19, 2012 [25 favorites]

Stripper boot camp is colorful but intense.
posted by The Whelk at 10:56 AM on July 19, 2012

(says the man killing time before his halloween costume required boxing class)
posted by The Whelk at 10:56 AM on July 19, 2012

elizardbits: "That was technically a response to griphus but it also works as a delightfully hilarious response to zarq. "

MANTHONG THE MAGNIFICENT: WORST TODDLER BIRTHDAY PARTY CLOWN EVER
posted by zarq at 11:00 AM on July 19, 2012 [28 favorites]

my business plan :(
posted by griphus at 11:01 AM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

MANTHONG KNOWS NOT OF DISAPPOINTMENT. MANTHONG IS ALWAYS CCC, CONFIDANT, CALM, and COOL.
posted by The Whelk at 11:01 AM on July 19, 2012 [14 favorites]

I told you to match with gold sequined giant clown shoes but did you listen? No you did not.
posted by elizardbits at 11:02 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

zarq: "My toddlers were going to a "My Gym" near us twice a week at the time and I couldn't help but laugh at the outraged responses you were getting."

The other thing is, you know (based on the level of hysteria and whatever-you're-doing-is-terrible-parenting-ism) that in another thread, those are the same people who would be all like, "AMERICAN CHILDREN ARE FAT AND LAZY THEY NEED TO RUN AROUND MORE, PUT THOSE KIDS ON A TREADMILL, YOU ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:07 AM on July 19, 2012 [10 favorites]

This thread is the best thread - a trasure trove!
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:07 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's not this one, but that one did spawn a 724-comment MeTa.

I started a sentence, "How many baby's..." in that thread and it still stings.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 11:09 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

I could not believe people admitted to changing diapers on restaurant tables in that thread I mean dear god.
posted by lalex at 11:11 AM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

IIRC people did not just admit to it, they defended it vehemently as an acceptable action.
posted by elizardbits at 11:17 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

EmpressCallipygos: I wish I could, but I'm not committing those stories to the internet because they are pretty unique. Let me just say that if anyone shares a bed with someone with a significant sleep disorder, the kind that has them up and moving? First floor bedroom and no prickly bushes outside the window.
posted by cobaltnine at 11:25 AM on July 19, 2012

Best thread ever, serious. So hard to look professional while choking back snort-laughs.
posted by thinkpiece at 11:30 AM on July 19, 2012

a trasure trove!

Or treasure trove. Trashure trove?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:32 AM on July 19, 2012

If someone is deliberately misrepresenting themselves in a question, I think the community is better off knowing it.

If we think someone is out and out lying to the community about something that actually matters then we will absolutely step in as diplomatically as possible and make sure that doesn't happen. We did this in the holdkris99 situation as soon as we knew about it, we did it with Scott Adams, and we've done it in other times in the past. It can be tough to try to work this stuff out diplomatically when people are, quite publicly, making a big deal about it. When in doubt, drop us an email. A few people did this during the holdkris99 thing and in each case we said that we had the same information that they did which was not much and we'd hold off on making any sort of donations until we'd seen an obit/had some confirmation.

most of the rest of the time we don't have someone with knowledge of the situation weighing in.

The "knowledge of the situation" amounted to a he said/she said set of hurled accusations and offsite drama dragged in to AskMe. It was far from "oh here are the dispassionate facts of the matter" We used to be a lot more hesitant to delete OP comments in AskMe that just seemed to be fanning the flames, we are much less hesitant nowadays.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:32 AM on July 19, 2012

Also the shoes in the house MeTa is immediately followed by the Tao Lin banning MeTa and now there is zero chance of me accomplishing a single thing today, thanks metafilter.
posted by elizardbits at 11:38 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh man, the diapers. I was about to post a link to that thread.

What was the one with the Christian guy trying to rescue his girlfriend who had terrible problems (appearing to stem from untreated mental illness) and everyone posted, "Whoa, dude, you can't help her, this is out of control."? I posted in that thread like four times but I can't find it. It was really sad.

I checked back on that thread for the longest time, hoping he would update it. I hope he's in a better situation now.
posted by Room 641-A at 11:40 AM on July 19, 2012

I bet that the poster of this question didn't expect it to be deleted. Then again, asking the internet what to six hours after your roommate has woken up blind and vomiting is a truly unbelievable course of action. Associated MeTa.
posted by Dasein at 11:41 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Unrelated: Should I drink someone's trash-booze?
posted by griphus at 11:44 AM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

This thread is the best thread - a trasure trove!

Not to call any particular person out, but I don't understand this sentiment. Most of these threads are bad things happening to people or people behaving badly. Don't see how that's a treasure trove.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:46 AM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Eyebrows McGee: "The other thing is, you know (based on the level of hysteria and whatever-you're-doing-is-terrible-parenting-ism) that in another thread, those are the same people who would be all like, "AMERICAN CHILDREN ARE FAT AND LAZY THEY NEED TO RUN AROUND MORE, PUT THOSE KIDS ON A TREADMILL, YOU ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS.""

Hah! Yes, absolutely.
posted by zarq at 11:47 AM on July 19, 2012

There was this thread, where the question was, "What's up with my wife's confusing, frustrating communication issues?" and the almost-unanimous answer was "Actually, it sounds like YOU have confusing, frustrating communication issues." The anonymous OP followed up but never seemed to even grasp the direction of the responses, gah.
posted by peachfuzz at 11:50 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ex running the show, from a woman complaining that her boyfriend's 13-year-old son had the gall to spend afternoons and evenings at his (divorced) father's apartment instead of at his mother's house, alone (his mother worked nights). Based on the asker's history, I'm pretty sure this was also an "asking for a friend who is actually me" situation.
posted by The Gooch at 11:53 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'd forgotten we had Scott fucking Adams trying to game Metafilter. You mods live strange and wondrous lives. So glad I don't have your job.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 11:53 AM on July 19, 2012

This is a kind of scuzzy MeTa.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:54 AM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'd forgotten we had Scott fucking Adams trying to game Metafilter

I think it's moments like that when I wonder how, exactly, the mods restrain themselves from banning everyone and burning the place to the ground.
posted by griphus at 11:57 AM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I feel like I ban everyone when I go to sleep and unban them when I wake up again. Is this solipsistic?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:59 AM on July 19, 2012 [58 favorites]

Who is Scott Adams, and where do I read about his shenanigans here?
posted by Grither at 12:00 PM on July 19, 2012

Is this solipsistic?

That depends: do you believe Metafilter continues to exist while you are sleeping? If so, then it follows that you've simply banned yourself.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:03 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think it's moments like that when I wonder how, exactly, the mods restrain themselves from banning everyone and burning the place to the ground.

I like to think that they suddenly remember that Adam fucking Savage posts to AskMe fairly often and that some semblance of karmic balance has been attained.
posted by zombieflanders at 12:04 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Scott Adams, and associated MeTa.
posted by davidjmcgee at 12:10 PM on July 19, 2012

"plannedchaos: your comments would be more readable if you could differentiate the quoted text from your own comments."

Wait, real life does foreshadowing now?
posted by griphus at 12:12 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

griphus: "Unrelated: Should I drink someone's trash-booze?"

Oh, that has one of my favorite AskMe answers of all time (which somehow I hadn't favorited till now). The inimitable scody:

This isn't frugal, it's a subplot on an episode of Hoarders.

posted by ocherdraco at 12:13 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

restless_nomad: "Because the question was "How do I disengage from this situation that's making me unhappy?" not "Are these people actually bullies?" The former isn't super affected by the details of the interpersonal dynamics - of course both sides feel they're in the right, whatever, doesn't really matter. (And the random person who dropped by did not actually make a stellar case that zero bullying was going on. Clearly there it was a problematic relationship in both directions.)"

OK. I think part of my problem here is I'm not seeing the full situation because the comment was deleted. It's hard to judge what's happened without source references.

jessamyn: " If we think someone is out and out lying to the community about something that actually matters then we will absolutely step in as diplomatically as possible and make sure that doesn't happen. We did this in the holdkris99 situation as soon as we knew about it, we did it with Scott Adams, and we've done it in other times in the past.

True.

The "knowledge of the situation" amounted to a he said/she said set of hurled accusations and offsite drama dragged in to AskMe. It was far from "oh here are the dispassionate facts of the matter" We used to be a lot more hesitant to delete OP comments in AskMe that just seemed to be fanning the flames, we are much less hesitant nowadays."

Ah. Okay. Thanks.
posted by zarq at 12:17 PM on July 19, 2012

Thanks davidjmcgee!

How did that one person know it was Scott immediately? Time travel??
posted by Grither at 12:25 PM on July 19, 2012

I posted this MetaTalk (5 years ago! wow!) about an unexpected answer to someone looking to buy dry ice in the Chicago area.
posted by The Deej at 12:28 PM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

If MeTas counted, there'd be a million of these.
According to this MeTa, Metatalk threads go either like this:

Person with a beef: I think X was inappropriate for Y reason. Who's with me?
Inevitable response #1: Who cares? Your concern is dumb.
Inevitable response #2: Joke
Inevitable response #3: You care about that? You must be such a jerk.
Person with a beef: I'm not a jerk. I just think Z.
Inevitable response #4: lol jerk amirite?
Inevitable response #5: JERK!
Inevitable response #6: You know who was a JERK? Hitler!
Person with a beef: Don't call me Hitler!
Inevitable response #7: JERK! HITLER!
Inevitable response #8: Jerks make me so mad! I'm going to cut off your head and piss on your neck because you're a JEEEERRRRKK!
Moderater: I think A about post X. I'm closing it/not closing it. I'm closing this MeTa.

Or like this:

Person with a beef: I think X was inappropriate for Y reason. Who's with me?
Inevitable response #1: I don't see it.
Inevitable response #2: I don't get what you're saying.
Inevitable response #3: I don't see it either.
Person with a beef: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL YOU PEOPLE?
Inevitable response #4: I don't see it either and now you're being a dick.
Inevitable response #5: Yeah, that was pretty dickish there.
Inevitable response #6: You know who was a DICK? Hitler!
Person with a beef: I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE ALL WRONG AND WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN AND THERE'S NO ONE AROUND I'LL GO BUCK ON YOUR ASS WITH A KNIFEY KNIFE KNIFE.
Inevitable response #7: ...
Inevitable response #8: Dude, go outside, but preferably in a place with no people around.
Moderater: I think A about post X. I'm closing it/not closing it. I'm closing this MeTa.
posted by pH Indicating Socks at 12:28 PM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

How did that one person know it was Scott immediately?

Someone was defending Scott Adams. Who else could it be?
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:29 PM on July 19, 2012 [16 favorites]

I've found so many gems of answers in these:

Please don't consume a divorced and/or dead man's liquor you found in the trash next to pharmaceutical literature.
posted by griphus at 9:31 AM on September 30, 2010 [39 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:30 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Those scripts are good, but misses one of my favorite variations:

Person with a beef: I think X is inappropriate, or possibly it's Y that I don't like, but it's hard to tell because I'm not writing very clearly!
Inevitable Response #1: What?
Inevitable Response #2: What are you saying?
Mod Response: No, seriously, what are you trying to say? This is super unclear.
Inevitable Response #3: I think Beef is trying to say N instead of X. Maybe?
Inevitable Response #4: That doesn't make sense either, though. There's no N in linked thread C.
Inevitable Response #5: Beef, what are you saying?
(Hours pass. Person With a Beef never posts.)
Inevitable Response #N: DAMMIT, BEEF.
Person With a Beef: Oh, sorry, I got busy. I'll clarify in a bit, but right now I'm going to a rodeo-barbecue-work-sleep-Nascar-type-theatrical-hybrid-event.
Inevitable Response Response #1: Yeah guys, calm down, Beef is going to respond later!
(Another day passes. Beef never responds. Thread exeunts stage left with crickets.)
posted by Drastic at 12:34 PM on July 19, 2012 [10 favorites]

The laptop-give-away-want-back one.
posted by jamaro at 12:36 PM on July 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

And now there's a poop question in Ask? Man, this day just keeps getting better!
posted by Grither at 12:40 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

This deleted askme was from a guy who seemed to want validation of his schizophrenia. Meta
posted by Melismata at 12:42 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to link to my answer in the laptop giveaway one (but now you know why I remembered it).
posted by jamaro at 12:43 PM on July 19, 2012

Most of these threads are bad things happening to people or people behaving badly. Don't see how that's a treasure trove.

This is a kind of scuzzy MeTa.

Aw, come on, I think this is more along the lines of "what a long strange trip it's been," not "oh haha your misfortune!" I mean, this is all Us, not Them.
posted by thinkpiece at 12:45 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

griphus: "Unrelated: Should I drink someone's trash-booze?"

Oh my god. He read through all those responses and still thought it was a good idea to drink an assortment of unknown liquids found in a [ritzy] dumpster.
posted by schmod at 12:47 PM on July 19, 2012

Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to link to my answer in the laptop giveaway one (but now you know why I remembered it).

That's okay, your answer was awesome.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:47 PM on July 19, 2012

Yay, thanks, jamaro! I thought I had read this, but actually I guess I hadn't because it is far more -um, no?- than it was in my head.
posted by vegartanipla at 12:52 PM on July 19, 2012

Grither, we aim to please.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 12:56 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

griphus: "Unrelated: Should I drink someone's trash-booze?"

o.O
posted by zarq at 1:01 PM on July 19, 2012

Oh my god. He read through all those responses and still thought it was a good idea

That question pained me more than I can say, because in almost any situation, my answer is "Free alcohol? YES! DO IT"

But the dude doesn't even drink, so it's not like he'd even know whether there was actual booze in there, or paint thinner. So I had to gingerly recommend against it. It felt like someone was doing an experiment on me to see if they could find the ONE TIME i would recommend against drinking out of the trash.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:03 PM on July 19, 2012 [19 favorites]

"I found these interesting-looking steaks in the dumpster out back of the liposuction clinic! What would go well with these delicious free steaks!"
posted by elizardbits at 1:13 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'm still waiting for the story about the time Greg Nog was inadvertently roofied.
posted by jamaro at 1:13 PM on July 19, 2012

okay i just made myself barf a little inside my mouth

sry mefi
posted by elizardbits at 1:13 PM on July 19, 2012

Well thank goodness you didn't barf inside your ear. Or your belly button! Or, heaven forbid, your toenail!

I kid.
posted by ocherdraco at 1:16 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

elizardbits: ""I found these interesting-looking steaks in the dumpster out back of the liposuction clinic! What would go well with these delicious free steaks!""

Hang on... I have a cookbook here that is good for this sort of thing. It's called, To Serve Somethingorother....
posted by zarq at 1:18 PM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

Please don't consume a divorced and/or dead man's liquor you found in the trash next to pharmaceutical literature.
posted by griphus at 12:31 PM on September 30, 2010 [41 favorites −] [!]

I'm totally adding this to the "wisdom I must impart to my children."
posted by thinkpiece at 1:18 PM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

elizardbits: "I found these interesting-looking steaks in the dumpster out back of the liposuction clinic! What would go well with these delicious free steaks!"

Hell of marbling in these beauts!
posted by gilrain at 1:20 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Not to call any particular person out, but I don't understand this sentiment. Most of these threads are bad things happening to people or people behaving badly. Don't see how that's a treasure trove.

I like reading this kind of stuff.

That probably says something about me, but I don't knwo what.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:42 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh, poor dargerpartridge. I was looking for that thread when he asked his recent AskMe about where he could move that would be Evangelical enough for him, and when I couldn't find it I thought I was misremembering, but sadly no.

dargerpartridge, if you read this, you're in my thoughts. Seems like you've had an awfully challenging time for the past while.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:42 PM on July 19, 2012

Oh remember this anonymous question "For some reason, my wife and I have some major communication problems, even after ten years of being together." They guy thinks his wife has cultural or personality issues preventing effective communication. Metafilter... disagrees.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:58 PM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

I like reading this kind of stuff.

Honestly, so do I. My mother recently texted me to complain that AskMe was preventing her from getting her paperwork done, so at least I come by it honestly. (Mom's a therapist, and therefore also makes her living listening to people's fascinating and sometimes sordid lives.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 2:06 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Metafilter is a valuable resource for making my personal crazy seem less acute.
posted by elizardbits at 2:08 PM on July 19, 2012 [20 favorites]

I feel like I ban everyone when I go to sleep and unban them when I wake up again. Is this solipsistic?

Wait a minute, who said
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:17 PM on July 19, 2012

I'm still waiting for the story about the time Greg Nog was inadvertently roofied.

SMALL TEXT INCOMING because I could see it being potentially triggering to read a story about roofies, even though it worked out fine in this particular instance; scroll past if you do not desire to read it.

I had just picked up about 24 pounds of honey at the Union Square farmer's market, with which to make mead. On the way home, my friends mentioned that they were going out for drinks at a bar near to my apartment, so I went and joined them.

While we were there, we started chatting with this tiny hyperkinetic woman who I saw at happy hour on occasion. At some point, it looked like she was leaving, despite having almost all of a beer left. I was like, "Are you taking off?" and she said, "Yeah, there's this totally sketchy dude who keeps talking to me, and I'm getting a really weird vibe from him, I feel like I gotta get out of here."

So she left, and left her drink there (like, an entire pint!), and I was like, "Oh, sweet, free as in beer," and drank it.

Not long after that, I was talking to my friends, and started to feel very odd. My friends were like, "Whoa, you don't look so good," and I was like, "Yeah, I don't feel so good," despite not having had a whole lot to drink.

I drink a fair amount; I have reasonably made my way home from bars without really remembering doing so; I have woken up to discover my suit pants inexplicably stored in the freezer. I know from alcohol-induced stupors. But this felt very different then mere drunkenness; kind of like knowing how to operate a car at 65 mph, then having to operate a rowboat at 65 mph instead. I was kind of baffled as to how I felt so out of sorts after a pretty modest amount of beer. And then I made the connection between the sketchy guy whom my acquaintance had mentioned, and the beer I'd consumed.

"Oh mnan, I wander if they was somethingn in her drink? Her drink I drank" I said. My friends asked if I was okay. "DON'T KNOW," I said, "But I should prorbably go home?" My friends asked if I needed help carrying the 24 pounds of honey home. "No I am very good at carrying things," I assured them.

And then I wobbled home, carrying a huge jar of honey in each hand, my legs stubbornly refusing to work as smoothly as they usually do but nevertheless locomoting me back into my apartment, where I immediately went to bed.

I was, and am, upset there was a sketchy guy at the bar trying to drug some poor woman. But at the same time, out of all possible people to be on the receiving end of this awful pharmaceutical assault, I'm very very happy it was a large-ish bearded honey-carrying dude instead of someone more likely to be subsequently victimized.

And that's the story of how I like free beer very much.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:17 PM on July 19, 2012 [169 favorites]

I had just picked up about 24 pounds of honey at the Union Square farmer's market . . .

You New Yorkers and your drug slang.
posted by Think_Long at 2:22 PM on July 19, 2012 [12 favorites]

Also I very much like this analogy:

. . .kind of like knowing how to operate a car at 65 mph, then having to operate a rowboat at 65 mph instead.
posted by Think_Long at 2:23 PM on July 19, 2012

Metafilter: suit pants inexplicably stored in the freezer.
posted by jamaro at 2:25 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

And this guy, an ex-pat in China, was having problems with his friends and family to the point where Darlingbri had to tell him, Jesus Christ. You do realise you don't get points for being right, yes?.
posted by Melismata at 2:31 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wow, Greg Nog. Just...wow! Glad you and your honey got home safely.
posted by rtha at 2:41 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

But was the mead okay
posted by shakespeherian at 2:43 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

It was drunk too

GET IT

GET IT
posted by elizardbits at 2:45 PM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

lol me
posted by elizardbits at 2:45 PM on July 19, 2012 [25 favorites]

So three quarters of the way through the 724 Adults Only Party Meta, and I get to the bit about "bless your heart." Is there some sort of initiation where you have to go to a long and angry MeTa and explain that Southerners might not mean that particular phrase literally?
posted by Gygesringtone at 2:45 PM on July 19, 2012

Aw, come on, I think this is more along the lines of "what a long strange trip it's been," not "oh haha your misfortune!" I mean, this is all Us, not Them.

I dunno; I certainly don't think there's any sort of malice at work, but a lot of these probably represent difficult circumstances for the Askers, and using them as fodder for a zany clipshow probably wasn't something they signed on for. Obviously the 'Well, you posted it to the internet' exists, but I wouldn't want to see something I wrote, even anonymously, riffed on here. Given a choice between being told to go fuck off/myself/a duck, which is The Thing Which Must Not Be Said 'round these parts, or having something from my past that I'd rather not see dredged up for laughs, I'd take the former. I'm not claiming to be the absolutely most sensitive saint who ever sainted sensitively, but I think it's one thing to share WTFs and LOLs with friends in IRC or FB, etc., and another for it to be a free for all on the site with a mod in there like a dirty shirt, to boot.

/Captain Bring-Down
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:48 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I think some people here, after whatever meta it came up in (there was one) use "bless your heart" non-organically as a less-likely-to-be-deleted "fuck you." This annoys me, because "fuck you" is not actually a literal translation, and my lives-in-Texas ear always has trouble figuring out the exact degree of hostility intended.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 2:48 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Is there some sort of initiation where you have to go to a long and angry MeTa and explain that Southerners might not mean that particular phrase literally?

An initiation, you say? For some sort of cabal? Nonsense.
posted by kagredon at 2:49 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Alvy why don't you go outside for a bit.
posted by adamvasco at 2:53 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well, bless your heart, adamvasco.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:56 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

wait i don't get it
posted by shakespeherian at 2:58 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think it's one of those things where you say something, and mean the opposite. Like "I would never drink dumpster daiquiri." So the Alvy wasn't REALLY blessing anybody's internal organs, but instead wishing them ill.
posted by Gygesringtone at 3:02 PM on July 19, 2012

Just recently something reminded me of the boyfriend who left the door unlocked. He wanted advice on how to stop sabotaging his relationship; he got (mostly) "your girlfriend is nuts."
posted by DestinationUnknown at 3:17 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

and my lives-in-Texas ear always has trouble figuring out the exact degree of hostility intended.

And my Raised-In-The-South brain points out this is the intent.
posted by absalom at 3:23 PM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

Well, yes. I'm mostly annoyed that it seems to have *spread*.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 3:30 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Is there some sort of initiation where you have to go to a long and angry MeTa and explain that Southerners might not mean that particular phrase literally?

It is not restricted to 'bless your heart.' To wit:

Two genteel Southern ladies are sitting on the porch in the summertime, drinking sweet tea.

"See that horse over there? My daddy bought that horse for me."

"Well isn't that nice."

"See that car over there? My daddy bought that car for me."

"Well isn't that nice."

"See this house right here? My daddy bought this house for me."

"Well isn't that nice."

"Did your daddy ever buy anything for you?"

"My daddy sent me to charm school."

"What was charm school like?"

"They taught us to say 'Well, isn't that nice,' instead of FUCK YOU!"
posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:33 PM on July 19, 2012 [11 favorites]

Is there some sort of initiation where you have to go to a long and angry MeTa and explain that Southerners might not mean that particular phrase literally?

MetaFilter's fascination with this phrase needs to be blessed in the fucking heart.
posted by fleacircus at 3:49 PM on July 19, 2012 [13 favorites]

I said 'bless his heart' in an email at work recently, where really everyone involved was sitting there trying to think of an adequate response that did not involve four letter words and cc-ing the guy's manager and fire, and it was a huge hit - totally derailed the conversation from 'that guy ought to be burned alive with all his puppies' into 'wait, you're not southern are you?' and I said 'kind of, I'm from really far south'.
posted by jacalata at 3:53 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

The cake-wrecking lady thread is one of my favorites. I still wonder from time to time if the OP has ever run into her again, and if so, what happened.
posted by sarcasticah at 4:33 PM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

I hope the OP slapped her with an oven mitt and demanded satisfaction.
posted by elizardbits at 4:44 PM on July 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

Turns out she never had that recipie again.
posted by The Whelk at 4:45 PM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

Wow, that thread was heartbreaking to read. The last few OP updates, where first he reported "a miracle" because the abusive fiance agreed to talk to a third party (a pastor, not a mental health professional), and then his tone changed from gratitude for the community's support to divorce stats and the suggestion that "people in perfectly good situations give up."

Readers, he married her.
posted by headnsouth at 4:51 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

The recipe she posted for the chai spice butter cake sounds delicious.
posted by lalex at 4:51 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Here's a link to the cake thread: http://ask.metafilter.com/124186/Party-foul-or-reason-for-jihad
posted by basketballandinternet at 4:54 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why are priests such calm and patient people?

Because they have to deal with our souls every day.
posted by Jehan at 5:01 PM on July 19, 2012

I remember AmbroseChapel getting bent over a magic trick, but I don't want to put in the work to find it.
posted by klangklangston at 5:03 PM on July 19, 2012

Assuming this happened to you where you live now, Greg Nog, every "roofied in New York" story I know has happened to a bearded guy drinking somebody else's drink.

(Okay, it's only two - but still...)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:08 PM on July 19, 2012

Why are priests MetaMods such calm and patient people?

Because they have to deal with our souls arseholes every day.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 5:10 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

The cake-wrecking lady thread is one of my favorites. I still wonder from time to time if the OP has ever run into her again, and if so, what happened.

I love ND¢'s comment in a related meta.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:12 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

"I remember AmbroseChapel getting bent over a magic trick, but I don't want to put in the work to find it."

I've read this wrong three times now (in three ways!) and I don't think I wanna be right.

Those magic tricks, they always disappear after the final act.
posted by iamkimiam at 5:25 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

A trick is something a whore does for money micheal.
posted by The Whelk at 5:27 PM on July 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

I'm so vain paranoid I always think this quote is about me.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 5:30 PM on July 19, 2012

You don't have to mark me as best answer just say that you care....
posted by The Whelk at 5:31 PM on July 19, 2012

A trick is something a whore does for money micheal.

Or cocaine.
posted by bquarters at 5:31 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

What's candy?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:44 PM on July 19, 2012

What's candy?

Something kept in vans by Bad People.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 5:50 PM on July 19, 2012

Not to derail but I just lost quite a bit of time reading these. Trying to remember whether it was candy or cocaine...then remembering everything else. Love AD.
posted by bquarters at 6:07 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Not to derail but I just lost quite a bit of time reading these. Trying to remember whether it was candy or cocaine...then remembering everything else. Love AD.

Both. It's in the pilot episode, the non-broadcast version involves swearing and cocaine, the one that aired on fox replaces it with Candy.
posted by Gygesringtone at 6:09 PM on July 19, 2012

The "bless your heart" thing irritates me, because I don't think I've ever heard a member of my Southern family say it to convey any kind of negative meaning at all. The worst connotation in my family would be "poor thing", but not meant in a snide way.
posted by Coatlicue at 6:15 PM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

Assuming this happened to you where you live now, Greg Nog, every "roofied in New York" story I know has happened to a bearded guy drinking somebody else's drink.

Again in small type to not make light of something potentially terrible but:

I'm convinced I was given something in a bar in NYC..but I'm a small female. Plot twist- it was in a gay bar and I believe it was to make me LEAVE since I think the guy liked my (male) friend. Again, I'm no stranger to excessive drinking- although no suit pants in the freezer- yet..but I remember stairs being all out of proportion and scared that I wouldn't be able to make it home in a taxi...even though I left pretty much immediately afterwards. I was so relieved to wake up the next day, in my own apt, with my wallet, sanity and all body parts intact. My friends don't believe me, but I've never had a sudden reaction like that before and I'm so glad nothing worse happened.

Although in hindsight (ie right now) maybe I actually DID drink the wrong drink...my friend's. Hmm, still not a bearded man though.
posted by bquarters at 6:22 PM on July 19, 2012

I've always taken "bless your heart" to mean "I'm saying something nice to your face right now, but as soon as you go I'm going to have more to say to anyone who sits still long enough to hear it."
posted by mudpuppie at 7:10 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Was that the one where the woman complained about having to share her friend with her new born baby? And the example of changing a baby's diaper on restaurant table was used?

Oh. Man. I remember that one. It also spawned a gigantic MeTa.

Wow, that was a walk down memory lane. What a barn burner.

I have a question for the mods that I've been thinking about for awhile, but haven't asked because I hadn't, until now, had an example of what I was thinking of. That thread on AskMeta was crazy, and the MeTa was crazy, and there was a lot of overlap between the subject matter of the two. People used the MeTa to discuss their thoughts on the topic of the thread- to answer the AskMeta question, kind of. It seems to me like that is discouraged these days- people are more encouraged now to keep their "answers" in AskMeta and keep MeTa for, well, the "meta" discussions. Is that an official policy shift, or more of an unofficial way of managing a site that has gotten a lot bigger over the years?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:11 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Nothing intentional really, but what we don't want is for the MeTa thread to become a sidebar of "all the awful things we wish we could tell the OP but are against the rules of AskMe" We see that sort of thing happening more in MeTa because of deleted MeFi threads though, to my mind. So, for example, a thread in MeFi gets deleted. Someone contest the deletion and then uses the open MeTa thread to start talking about the topic that wasn't okay for MeFi. We've been more conscious of doing that more often, that "Hey don't bring that up here just to have a shadow MeFi thread please"

So there's nothing we're doing on purpose as a conscious shift but the "MeTa thread as place for snarky dishy private club discussion" doesn't work as well when the site is larger and more contentious and a little less "Hey we're all friends here" But it still happens from time to time, but more for talking about the AskMe topic and less for dishing on individuals in the original thread.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:16 PM on July 19, 2012

"I've read this wrong three times now (in three ways!) and I don't think I wanna be right.

ambiguity ≈ comedy
posted by klangklangston at 7:36 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I had forgotten about that craigslist prostitute thread. That was so funny. Mostly because of the very entertaining wfrgms, who I now see has a disabled account. :(
posted by triggerfinger at 7:57 PM on July 19, 2012

ambiguity ≈ comedy

lol wut does that mean?
posted by stebulus at 7:59 PM on July 19, 2012

OMFG i had never read the cake thread before and i just what is this i don't even
posted by radiosilents at 8:27 PM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

It was worth revisiting the "Is her excessive temper a red flag..." thread for this line: This began as a post to throw my concerns into the sea but I didn't expect a ship full of bottles to come back. And, forgive me, but holy crap - for magstheaxe's answer.
posted by peagood at 8:33 PM on July 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

This is the magic trick thread klangklangston mentioned.
posted by Falconetti at 9:21 PM on July 19, 2012

What I really love about Greg Nog's roofie story is that it starts with him mentioning that he had just purchased about 24 pounds of honey.

I very much enjoyed this thread, you guys. You people have good jokes. It totally cheered me up after the Bill McKibben says you're all gonna die you suckers thread. Thanks for lifting the doom cloud!
posted by thehmsbeagle at 9:23 PM on July 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is the magic trick thread klangklangston mentioned.

Wow. I just. That is like weapons grade pissy right there.
posted by elizardbits at 9:28 PM on July 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Just to bring the whole thing full circle, it appears that the poster of the magic trick question disabled his account after posting the epic child-free parties MeTa.
posted by lalex at 9:31 PM on July 19, 2012

Man this thread made my night, with all of the varying emotions. How in hell had I not read the Cake Thread or the Shawl Thread before? I have two thoughts on them (beyond the general WTF is wrong with these people bits.)

1. I get a massive kick out of reading or hearing stories of beyond-the-pale rudeness, and I think I've figured out why. On what seems like an unrelated note, I play a lot of Civ, and I almost always feel bad about getting into war with anyone, even though it's AI and that's largely the point of the game. But for some reason if I run into, say, Spain, I've just got it in my head that Spain is so historically awful that I don't feel bad about what I do to them. I think that's why I get so much enjoyment from Shawl-Lady and Cake-Lady. They have gone so far beyond what is possibly acceptable, and in such creative ways, that polite society is more or less justified in saying "fuck 'em." A bad part of my brain really loves that feeling.

2. I feel like all human relationships threads could really use a reference to Ask-vs.-Guess at the top. Even if only so we can define that, no matter the values of either side of that, Shawl Lady is really bad at being an asker, and Cake Lady is really bad at being a guesser.

3. (yeah, it's three points now.) The shawl thread update showed what really was the perfect way to handle things: take the associate (fiancee of the offending party) out for drinks to be both discrete and friendly, and trust him to handle things on their end.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:37 PM on July 19, 2012

Congrats, peppermintfreddo. I just spent hours reading an ancient thread that was entertaining but irrelevant to anything outside of my fevered brain.

Not being facetious. Good question that opened the floodgates. If MetaFilter would kindly stop functioning for a couple weeks so I can catch up, I'd appreciate it.
posted by wallabear at 9:42 PM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

I just learned how David Blaine does his floaty trick via one of these here ancient asks! This is the first magic trick I've ever been able to do! Awesome!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:53 PM on July 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm still pissed about that goddam cake. I was married to a really talented cake decorator for about 6 years, and that shit is hard, takes an obnoxious amount of time and is very stressful. I literally could not be in the kitchen when a wedding cake was being made (she freelanced after quitting her restaurant job) both for fear that I might screw something up by breathing on it, and of being stabbed by an icing anointment utensil. She lost one in a van on the way to a wedding years before I met her, and I think it was one of the defining tragedies of her life, not too far down from her mom's premature death.

I can't believe mean cake ruiner bitch didn't get hurt.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:03 PM on July 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Thanks, peppermintfreddo, I didn't have anything else to do today anyway. I know there's thread I read recently that fits here, because I distinctly remember when reading the answers, "that's not what he/she asked" but for the life of me, I can't bring it to my foggy mind. Maybe later.
posted by patheral at 10:12 PM on July 19, 2012

That magic trick askme takes some sort of prize for someone getting bent way out of shape over nothing.
posted by winna at 4:16 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Help me pretend to be British!

Aside from their definition of 'British' being 'posh Bertie Wooster type', which is bizarre for actual members of the UK, I'm glad they were told that this is likely to be annoying.
posted by mippy at 4:36 AM on July 20, 2012

I remember AmbroseChapel getting bent over a magic trick, but I don't want to put in the work to find it.

I was all, oh, I know exactly what thread this is, and then looked it up, and it wasn't Ambrose. It was PeterMcDermott and me.
posted by phunniemee at 5:27 AM on July 20, 2012

Oops, just read all the comments after. Never mind.
posted by phunniemee at 5:32 AM on July 20, 2012

Mostly because of the very entertaining wfrgms, who I now see has a disabled account. :(

Worth mentioning: Banned, not disabled. Great guy in person, oft-excellent Ask contributor, occasional abusive community member. Tough to reconcile the first two with the third.

Every once in a while I'll see a newer account and get to thinking it might be a BND for him, but I don't actually think he's still around (though I wish he was!)
posted by SpiffyRob at 6:12 AM on July 20, 2012

I just want to know how to pronounce his name, dammit. Is it WIFFERGUMS or not.
posted by elizardbits at 7:29 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I believe his profile used to say it was pronounced "Fuck Texas."
posted by zarq at 7:32 AM on July 20, 2012

Oh WHOA. Totally missed all that stuff.
posted by triggerfinger at 7:33 AM on July 20, 2012

I'm reading this with equal parts amusement -- so many good posts! -- and anxiety -- will I find one of my Anonymous AskMes linked here?
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:42 AM on July 20, 2012

Spiffy, he wrote a page-long screed on his profile accusing the mods with being Nazi Brownshirts and was a creeper to Jessamyn. I find it hard to square those actions with a descriptor of him as a "great guy."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:49 AM on July 20, 2012

The answers to my lovely bride Jayed's first AskMe question were unexpected (to her) in the sheer volume and passion of the answers for pretty trivial question inspired by a conversation we had about language. (NOTE: it was not an argument, or any attempt on my part to "correct" or change her, despite the assumptions of some of the answerers.)

When she saw how many answers were coming, and how detailed, thoughtful and passionate they were, she was quite surprised. I just said "Welcome to MetaFilter, Sweetie!"
posted by The Deej at 8:57 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

That's funny, whenever I've used that exact same phrase, it was in a completely opposite context:

"What the fuck? Did you read this? What the fuck is going on? Who would write this? Who would think this?"
"Welcome to MetaFilter, Sweetie!"
posted by griphus at 8:59 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

That's funny, whenever I've used that exact same phrase, it was in a completely opposite context:

"What the fuck? Did you read this? What the fuck is going on? Who would write this? Who would think this?"
"Welcome to MetaFilter, Sweetie!"

Yeah, there's some of that too!
posted by The Deej at 9:06 AM on July 20, 2012

EC, that is quite literally what I said:

Great guy in person, oft-excellent Ask contributor, occasional abusive community member. Tough to reconcile the first two with the third.

He was an abusive community member on site. He was a very nice guy in person. This was hard to reconcile. We are not in disagreement.
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:08 AM on July 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Lest there be any confusion: I saw the screed. Dude deserved to get banned. I wish it didn't have to go down like that, but it was a no-brainer after that. I just wish that it hadn't happened, and that, given his ability to be a very positive community member at other times, he'd re-emerge in a BND with all of the good and none of the bad.
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:13 AM on July 20, 2012

Oh man even now it's sending me into an ebay fugue where I'm like "Holy shit I should totally get that cape"

Update I just won an auction for a cape on ebay and may the gods have mercy on my soul
posted by Greg Nog at 9:21 AM on July 20, 2012 [18 favorites]

*crack of lighting*
posted by The Whelk at 9:23 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

*raptor cries in the distance*
posted by elizardbits at 9:26 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Maybe we should all get capes instead of a t-shirt, mug, or patch!
posted by annsunny at 9:27 AM on July 20, 2012

I know we meant iron-on or sew-on patches but now I am thinking EYEPATCHES and goes pretty well with capes.
posted by elizardbits at 9:28 AM on July 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

For the record, I am not crying. Just wanted to be clear on that.
posted by rtha at 9:28 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

elizardbits stop with the dinosaurs you are awake now.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:28 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

*quickly checks ebay for velvet lined ermine capes*
posted by The Whelk at 9:28 AM on July 20, 2012

Wait, would the eyepatch have [+] or [!] on it?
posted by moonmilk at 9:29 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Depends if you're a good mefite or an evil mefite
posted by The Whelk at 9:29 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

The eyepatches should be reversible.
posted by RainyJay at 9:31 AM on July 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

The official MetaFilter cape must be emblazoned with "my other cape is a fedora."
posted by griphus at 9:33 AM on July 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

Yeah, you should be able to patch everything EXCEPT your eye.
posted by moonmilk at 9:34 AM on July 20, 2012

This one still feels all Twilight Zone-y to me, but: the Ask where someone said "Hey, I'm 37 weeks pregnant and think I might need to dump my shiftless boyfriend... should I?" starts out with a bunch of DTMFA before people apparently started reading through her long intro--after which, the responses were mostly "Wait, you threw a HAMMER at him? Are you nuts?" (Special bonus: a MetaTalk with one of the greatest one-liners ever.)
posted by psoas at 9:41 AM on July 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

but what's the rule if you do live in Super Mario Brothers 3?
posted by The Whelk at 10:08 AM on July 20, 2012

but what's the rule if you do live in Super Mario Brothers 3?

jump in a boot and bounce away
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:13 AM on July 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

COME BOUNCE AWAY
COME BOUNCE AWAY
COME BOUNCE AWAY WITH MEEEE
posted by The Whelk at 10:19 AM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

(No I don't know what I'm on about either)
posted by The Whelk at 10:19 AM on July 20, 2012

Greg Nog, you must show us the cape!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:37 AM on July 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Use mom-voice.
posted by griphus at 10:42 AM on July 20, 2012

Having just begun a sixcolors greatest hits re-read the day before this thread was posted, thank you all for providing more material.

Help me reclaw my cat
posted by yellowbinder at 11:25 AM on July 20, 2012 [8 favorites]

psoas: " (Special bonus: a MetaTalk with one of the greatest one-liners ever.)"

I'll see that action and raise you.
posted by zarq at 11:29 AM on July 20, 2012

I own two capes.

She said smugly.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 11:39 AM on July 20, 2012

OMG I forgot about sixcolors. For every. single. question she posted, she did not like the answers. We know this, because she fought us incessantly in all of them.
posted by Melismata at 11:59 AM on July 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

That reclawing question is great.
posted by Grither at 12:07 PM on July 20, 2012

And then there was the ultimate question. As they claim.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:17 PM on July 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

There would not be enough marijuana on the planet for everyone to get as high as you are right now
posted by The Whelk at 12:18 PM on July 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

And the perfect answer: There would not be enough marijuana on the planet for everyone to get as high as you are right now.
posted by Melismata at 12:19 PM on July 20, 2012

This one still feels all Twilight Zone-y to me, but: the Ask where someone said "Hey, I'm 37 weeks pregnant and think I might need to dump my shiftless boyfriend... should I?" *snip* (Special bonus: a MetaTalk with one of the greatest one-liners ever.)
posted by psoas at 11:41 AM on July 20 [1 favorite +] [!]


I totally missed the meta on that one.
posted by patheral at 12:33 PM on July 20, 2012

I would absolutely wear an eyepatch instead of getting a fake eye, if I ever suffered that misfortune.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 12:35 PM on July 20, 2012

Oops, I missed that line in the metatalk... seems i participated. My memory sucks.
posted by patheral at 12:35 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

While there were definitely questions brought up here that made me cringe for the Asker (or their erstwhile targets), bringing back the name-dropping MeTa was worth the whole question for me. I had to fight myself to be productive for almost two days as I read back through that whole crazy thing.

I know we're supposed to do our chit-chatting elsewhere, and the MeTa posts that draw reflexive conversation are maybe not the best possible use of the site. But I do so love seeing the way some of those conversations unfold. Sure, it's predictably partly because of the people who take life on with a gleeful glint in their eyes, but the ones I wouldn't ordinarily get the chance to appreciate really make me value the more free-wheeling interactions we have here.

Many new favourites were added from very old conversations. Seeing pre-mod commentary from almost the whole team was a treat, too. Realised I terribly miss some people who have been gone a while. Resisted laughing again and again...and failed a lot, too, which is why I had to pretend I was choking with laughter over extra words in website content at one point yesterday, and then had to close my "brain break" window completely, as I kept abusing the privilege and people were beginning to wonder if maybe they should volunteer for form-testing duty if it was so damned hilarious all of a sudden.

But, OMG, that cake thread burns me up every single time. Even though I laugh at parts (Vlad's bee victims!), I just want to find the middle-aged manic pixie dream girl who perpetrated such vile devastation and make her help with tediously detailed tasks that will then be summarily and senselessly destroyed at the least satisfying moment in the most boggling fashion.

There are some hilarious people here. Not always the ones that get a lot of airplay. Enjoy your enhanced favourites totals in the gift shop, y'all.

I use "bless your heart" non-maliciously and un-ironically, so it's frustrating to see so many validating the twisted usage. argh.
posted by batmonkey at 12:51 PM on July 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

HAHAHA, the name-dropping thread! I vaguely remember it, but I don't think I really read it when it was posted.

Oh, And Meatloaf sat in front of me at the New Yorker Theater, round the corner from my house. I was sixteen. He was a large, scary man.

Meatloaf's daughter went to my high school (a few years older than me, I had no idea who she was) and once we had some sort of carnival-like thing at school and some parents worked at it. And he was in charge of one game, I think shuffleboard. And when I went up and...shuffleboarded, or whatever it's called, he was sort of mean to me. I've never felt compelled to tell anyone that story until now. So I guess I win that name-dropping contest, eh?

(Also I always amused myself by imagining that the "God-forsaken town" in "I Won't Do That" was my God-forsaken town.)
posted by DestinationUnknown at 1:05 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

yellowbinder: " Help me reclaw my cat"

The MeTa post for that one is here and leads us to: "Do you think a super strong person could yank off his own head?"
posted by zarq at 1:43 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

The MeTa post for that one is here and leads us to: "Do you think a super strong person could yank off his own head?"

wait wait where are the un-circumcision threads?
posted by lalex at 1:51 PM on July 20, 2012

lalex: " wait wait where are the un-circumcision threads?"

Hiding. Like a frightened turtle.
posted by zarq at 1:56 PM on July 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

To be annoyingly detailed about it, his name is Meat Loaf, not Meatloaf. He was reportedly known as Coach Loaf when he was a coach for his daughter's sports team.
posted by Lexica at 2:00 PM on July 20, 2012

Ha, Lexica. Some name-dropper I'd make. Like I said in the High School thread, I didn't really care about the details of the cool kid stuff.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 2:08 PM on July 20, 2012

Did the cake ruiner ever explain her actions?
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:27 PM on July 20, 2012

This girl asked, "my boyfriend is mad at me because I chose to ditch him on New Year's Eve for my best friend who takes precedence in my life. I'm about to go talk to him, what should I say?" The answer was, um, you were kind of a jerk there.
posted by Melismata at 2:55 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Greg Nog: "Oh man even now it's sending me into an ebay fugue where I'm like "Holy shit I should totally get that cape"

Update I just won an auction for a cape on ebay and may the gods have mercy on my soul"

YOU MUST WEAR IT WITH YOUR KILT AND POST PHOTOS OR YOU WILL BE FORCED TO WEAR FEDORAS IN A NON-IRONIC MANNER FOREVAR
posted by deborah at 3:25 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm so glad to finally know the meaning of "taters"! After, what, 4 years on this site?

Has anyone posted a link to that question by the guy who wanted to move to Europe to be a writer, but his question was written in the most bloviating and pretentious style that everyone just focused on that? Lordy, that guy was annoying.
posted by apricot at 5:36 PM on July 20, 2012

This is the OP from the Shawl question here to update. So, crazy girlfriend of co-worker got more and more wacky as time went on. Eventually she emailed the HR person at my husband's firm and demanded a copy of his review, gave us a 5 min monologue about how we need to provide filtered water to the employees and asked to put up a wallpaper border in the associate's shared office. So weird. The associate and shawl lady have since broken up. The associate is doing well at my husband's firm, and is generally a good guy (who just can't establish boundaries). Now, the standing joke at dinner parties is about white pepper.

Cheers!
posted by Nickel Pickle at 5:49 PM on July 20, 2012 [113 favorites]

Thanks for the update, Nickel Pickle. I've been wondering about that poor associate and the young lady, hope she gets some help in the future.
posted by dragonplayer at 5:55 PM on July 20, 2012

Is it possible to wear a fedora non-ironically? Wouldn't you strain something?
posted by Scattercat at 6:19 PM on July 20, 2012

apricot: you must be thinking of this question from "a [possibly] promising writer of literature... looking for a location/situation conducive to writing either abroad or elsewhere in the US". (I admit, I was unable to read the entire question. I found it by googling "writing europe move pretentious site:ask.metafilter.com").
posted by jacalata at 6:20 PM on July 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

(even more notable for how well he edited it down the next week)
posted by jacalata at 6:27 PM on July 20, 2012

If Janelle Monae wears a cape, then wearing a cape must be an approved procedure.
posted by winna at 6:59 PM on July 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

There was a gay man who asked for advice about his relationship, argh I can't remember the details well enough to search for it. He was so blatant in refusing to listen to our advice that I actually sent a note to the mods (I was a n00b-ier user back then), saying um, this guy is kind of unbalanced. He said things like no, I will NOT seek therapy and I will NOT compromise and I just want everything back the way it was, and nothing else. It might have been that his partner just wanted to be roommates, but I'm not sure. Sorry that's not more helpful!
posted by Melismata at 7:12 PM on July 20, 2012

"Is it possible to wear a fedora non-ironically?"

Yes! If you look like a 1950s banker to start with, and it is winter, and you are wearing a suit and a wool overcoat, and you work in banking or law or a similarly conservative industry, and you are walking somewhere and do not want ski-hat hat-head. But it has to be a real old-timey fur-felt fedora, not a hipster slim-brim fedora.

You will look like you missed the memo from the Kennedy era that men don't wear hats anymore, but you will not look like a douchey hipster!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:58 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have a fedora! (I do not wear it ironically? I do not know how to wear a thing ironically; it's either on me or it's not and either way I look spectacular.) But I only ever wear it when it's snowing or cold and rainy, for the functional value of a protective brim keeping the rain off all non-overcoat-covered parts of me.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:02 PM on July 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

Grandfathers, in general, can wear fedoras non-ironically. It makes my heart go squee! if they also wear a button-down sweater.
posted by annsunny at 8:11 PM on July 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I never mind fedoras on women (especially butch women) because they are by definition wearing them ironically. And not in a hipster way, either, really.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 8:17 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Scattercat: "Is it possible to wear a fedora non-ironically? Wouldn't you strain something?"

restless_nomad: "I never mind fedoras on women (especially butch women) because they are by definition wearing them ironically. And not in a hipster way, either, really."

I have no idea if she's wearing it ironically or not, but I've seen a photo of rtha wearing a fedora and she looks wonderful.
posted by deborah at 8:30 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have worn a fedora non-ironically. I hope you don't think less of me, but I think I made it work.
posted by Specklet at 8:44 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

you must be thinking of this question from "a [possibly] promising writer of literature... looking for a location/situation conducive to writing either abroad or elsewhere in the US".

....His AskMe had footnotes. Three footnotes.

Holy testicle Tuesday.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:49 PM on July 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

> I've seen a photo of rtha wearing a fedora and she looks wonderful

rtha is the poster girl for non-ironic fedora wearing.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:50 PM on July 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I am blushing non-ironically.
posted by rtha at 8:55 PM on July 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

I am blushing non-ironically.

I can't decide if I'm happy or sad that I didn't make the remark I was thinking about. On the one hand, making people turn interesting shades of purple is fun. On the other... *glares at "staff" tag*
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 8:59 PM on July 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

The only stuff I do ironically is things I say. I don't wear things ironically or drink or eat things ironically or watch or listen to things ironically-- I still don't really understand how that works. How do you enjoy doing something you don't enjoy? In any case, I own several hats, some of which are fedoras, none of which I wear ironically, and it's because I think they look nice.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:00 PM on July 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

I think the irony is on the level of wearing a costume - i.e. "I am dressing tonight like a person who would wear this kind of hat." It's another layer of self-consciousness, and as things become less "hip" and people start wearing that stuff because they've seen people wearing it and think it looks cool, the irony decays rapidly.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:04 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

you must be thinking of this question from "a [possibly] promising writer of literature... looking for a location/situation conducive to writing either abroad or elsewhere in the US". (I admit, I was unable to read the entire question. I found it by googling "writing europe move pretentious site:ask.metafilter.com")

That's the one, Jacalata! I don't know why I couldn't find it. Wow, that guy.
posted by apricot at 9:27 PM on July 20, 2012

I have a picture of my baby wearing a fedora. It's pretty adorable. I'll see if I can locate the pic. He's not wearing it ironically; he's wearing it very excitedly because he's like, "WHAT US ON MY HEAD??? OH GOD IT'S COVERING MY EYES WHERE DID THE WORLD GO -- MOM! YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE MAGIC! THERE'S THIS THING ON MY HEAD!!"

Anyway hats are exciting when you're six months old is what I'm saying.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:54 PM on July 20, 2012 [13 favorites]

I think the irony is on the level of wearing a costume - i.e. "I am dressing tonight like a person who would wear this kind of hat." It's another layer of self-consciousness,

Yeah, that is never actually working the way wearer thinks it is. A strategy best avoided.
posted by bongo_x at 9:55 PM on July 20, 2012

Also for a long time when I was young, I thought fedora was synonymous with feather boa, and books about the 20s and 30s are way weirder when you think all the gangsters and detectives and bankers are pulling pink feathery scarves low over their foreheads to look menacing.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:58 PM on July 20, 2012 [10 favorites]

Mae West Noir.

I actually have a picture of myself in a fedora, a screen test for a student film that I later used as a basis for a art school exercise for rendering B&W. So everyone you see in a Fedora looks as dorky as this
posted by The Whelk at 10:09 PM on July 20, 2012

For the record I think 18 year old Whelk looks damned menacing in B&W if he bothered to take off his work flannel and shave. I was always a bad actor
posted by The Whelk at 10:09 PM on July 20, 2012

Holy shit, I think that writer of literature AskMe was written by Ignatius J. Reilly.
posted by 1000monkeys at 10:52 PM on July 20, 2012 [4 favorites]

asked to put up a wallpaper border in the associate's shared office

I'm sure it would have been a very tasteful border, no obese babies or anything like that.
posted by sarahnade at 11:27 PM on July 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

and tons of white pepper!

thanks for updating us Nickel Pickle!
posted by lalex at 12:29 AM on July 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

So sad. I got to the end of the airnxtz/ebay scam thread, and he was still going strong with his scam. Was there ever any justice? I feel like I just read a really great but incomplete detective novel ...
posted by Jonathan Livengood at 3:14 AM on July 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

My husband wears fedoras non-ironically, and he looks wonderful in them. It helps that he's six foot five; people tend to see the underside of the hat. And he always takes them off inside.
posted by tomboko at 5:20 AM on July 21, 2012

Oh, I just remembered this question, about the dude who appeared to want to become an academic on a whim, which (rightfully!) sent grad students and former-grad-students into a fucking whirlwind of "YOU HAVE NO IDEA BRO"

The rationale for the response was summed up most beautifully, I thought, in this comment from LobsterMitten.
posted by Greg Nog at 6:35 AM on July 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

I thought for sure you were talking about this.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 7:01 AM on July 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

....His AskMe had footnotes. Three footnotes.

Which were almost longer than the question.
posted by Melismata at 7:16 AM on July 21, 2012

I thought for sure you were talking about this.

Oh man, I love OPs who mark their own responses as the best answer. It's like "I AM CAPTAIN OF THE HMS WANTON SMUGGERY AND HERE IS MY FLAG FLYING HIGH".
posted by elizardbits at 7:24 AM on July 21, 2012 [10 favorites]

I would say the one that got the most unexpected response was the AskMe where the schoolteacher came in to ask how to "fix" her autistic nephew, because he wasn't operating at what she considered to be a socially acceptable level...and explosion in 3,2,1. That one was not funny at all.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 7:39 AM on July 21, 2012

We've had a million of those 'I want to go to grad school for poorly defined reasons' and the loud chorus of 'For the love of God! No!' is always comforting to me.

And I liked grad school. But even so, hearing that people want to go is like watching the group of people in a horror movie say brightly 'let's split up and search for the source of the mysterious hollow groaning!' you know what comes next will be a grisly spectacle of despair which you are powerless to avert.
posted by winna at 8:31 AM on July 21, 2012 [17 favorites]

Link please about the schoolteacher and the nephew?
posted by Melismata at 9:15 AM on July 21, 2012

elizardbits: " Oh man, I love OPs who mark their own responses as the best answer. It's like "I AM CAPTAIN OF THE HMS WANTON SMUGGERY AND HERE IS MY FLAG FLYING HIGH"."

I now really, really want to see a Kate Beaton portrait of the captain of the HMS Wanton Smuggery. Preferably with his ship.
posted by Lexica at 9:26 AM on July 21, 2012 [9 favorites]

> Grandfathers, in general, can wear fedoras non-ironically.

Ah, so that's how I'm able to get away with it. Although frankly I looked great in a fedora even before I became a grandfather.

Also, I can confirm that rtha does, in fact, look wonderful in a fedora.
posted by languagehat at 9:35 AM on July 21, 2012

I am totally picturing Pizarro right now and I am astonished that she's never drawn him.
posted by elizardbits at 9:35 AM on July 21, 2012

Oh, my lord, villanelles at dawn, I'm not sure if that was Peak Dunning-Kruger or someone who was at the beginning of a bad patch mentally/neurologically, but holy fuck.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:40 AM on July 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

While I was waiting for coffee water to heat, this one popped into my head. Hoo, boy.
posted by rtha at 9:44 AM on July 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

Man, 4cheez is on FIRE in that thread.
posted by elizardbits at 9:44 AM on July 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

> Link please about the schoolteacher and the nephew?

This one, maybe?
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:30 AM on July 21, 2012

rtha, they eventually got divorced, apparently.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:32 AM on July 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh good lord I wasted an hour reading the saga of fr0zen and xteraco.


i shouldnt have to get a job if i dont want one! still makes my brain explode.
posted by winna at 10:36 AM on July 21, 2012 [6 favorites]

Holy crap Eyebrows McGee, I missed that one!! I thought the latest episode was this. (Meta link).
posted by Melismata at 10:38 AM on July 21, 2012

This is the link for the divorce question.
posted by winna at 10:39 AM on July 21, 2012

Aw yeah, "the guy with the car." epic.
posted by Occula at 11:08 AM on July 21, 2012

rtha, they eventually got divorced, apparently.

Oh, I remember seeing that, yeah. Not surprising, I guess. I hope they're both doing better. Growing up is fucking hard.
posted by rtha at 11:11 AM on July 21, 2012

This one was pretty good - OP essentially claimed that his Myers-Briggs personality type excused him from doing any work that wasn't thrilling. Metafilter disagreed.
posted by Ragged Richard at 12:14 PM on July 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

....seduction coach?
posted by elizardbits at 12:32 PM on July 21, 2012

OH OKAY like a sports coach not a sexy sex bus.
posted by elizardbits at 12:32 PM on July 21, 2012 [12 favorites]

Too sexy for your transportation?
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 12:39 PM on July 21, 2012

relationship/seduction coach
bounty hunter/surety recovery agent
also i want to learn sign language at some point

He was clearly meant to be a poet.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 12:39 PM on July 21, 2012

I remember one thread going like "How can I can accept my friend's new May/December romance?" and then the friend turned out to be a thirtysomething guy Internet-dating a 14-year-old. The thread went "WHOA WHOA WHOA" really fast.
posted by nicebookrack at 1:07 PM on July 21, 2012

Oh my god, fr0zen and xteraco, wow. I always forget just how much of a wreck that was until I see it again and then wow.
posted by the young rope-rider at 1:22 PM on July 21, 2012

Link please about the schoolteacher and the nephew?
posted by Melismata at 11:15 on July 21 [+] [!]

Actually, it was Aspergers, not autism. It took me a while to find it.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 2:29 PM on July 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wasn't there also something where a guy was asking for how to deal with relationship problems his and his partner's different Myers-Briggs types, and AskMe basically said "uh, it sounds like the actual problem is that you're kind of a jerk"?
posted by kagredon at 3:08 PM on July 21, 2012

Found it.
posted by kagredon at 3:13 PM on July 21, 2012

While I was waiting for coffee water to heat, this one popped into my head. Hoo, boy.

Yeah, that didn't go so well.
posted by Dasein at 4:52 PM on July 21, 2012

Oops, I see that got covered.
posted by Dasein at 4:54 PM on July 21, 2012

Still not entirely convinced that fr0zen/xteraco wasn't elaborate performance art.
posted by The Gooch at 6:49 PM on July 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

I’m not familiar with the Myers-Briggs test, or I’ve ignored it. I find it funny that these people refer to the types without explanation, as if everyone knows what they are talking about. Are they giving these at school or something? It’s pretty hilarious how seriously they seem to take them, sounds like a "I just got out of school" thing.
posted by bongo_x at 9:28 PM on July 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

My swim coach herded the whole team into a room and made us take it in high school. It was kind of baffling. I don't remember her explaining her rationale at all, but I do remember that pretty much nobody was surprised by the results.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:30 PM on July 21, 2012

"Oh good lord I wasted an hour reading the saga of fr0zen and xteraco."

Huh. My comment in that thread was my single most favorited comment I ever made as EB. I always had mixed feelings about it, really. Interesting that the thread was eventually deleted at the poster's request.

*just read the divorce post*

Aw, that makes me sad. But also...not, in that this was obviously long overdue. But I'm still sad for fr0zen.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:41 PM on July 21, 2012

My swim coach herded the whole team into a room and made us take it in high school. It was kind of baffling. I don't remember her explaining her rationale at all, but I do remember that pretty much nobody was surprised by the results.

It's used by some corporations as a team building exercise and to help improve management skills. A few friends who work for Fortune 500 companies have participated in events where they've been asked to take the Myers-Briggs questionnaire, then discuss the way they interact with their co-workers and subordinates.
posted by zarq at 9:45 PM on July 21, 2012

"I’m not familiar with the Myers-Briggs test, or I’ve ignored it. I find it funny that these people refer to the types without explanation, as if everyone knows what they are talking about. Are they giving these at school or something? It’s pretty hilarious how seriously they seem to take them, sounds like a 'I just got out of school' thing."

Well, it should be said at the outset that the Big 5 is the only personality typology that has any scientific validation at all.

But, anyway, MB is interesting and popularly useful for exactly the same reasons that a bunch of other personality typologies are interesting and popularly useful. Most of them are built around intuitive, commonsensical notions of personality types — that's problematic scientifically, but it sure appeals to people's intuition and experience.

MB has four oppositions: introversion/extroversion, sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling, and judging/perception. IMO, the first and third are the most reasonable and reliable, while the second and fourth do seem to correspond to something empiric about people but are suspect in their formulation. Regardless, I'm very strongly introverted and very strongly "intuitive" (whatever that really means) and in my experience the MB understanding of the implications of that corresponds well to my personality and to my experience of other people's personalities. I also think it's interesting that the T/F dichotomy is somewhat reliable in most people and seems meaningful, but that in my case it's especially meaningful in that I consistently score right in the middle, straddling the dividing line, and that is descriptively accurate (though my online social identity in a place such as MeFi strongly emphasizes the T side) and also partly the result of a deliberate choice to value both modes equally and attempt to balance them. And the J/P is sort of interesting in my experience, too, as I tend to be slightly put off by people I've known who are J types, and I'm pretty strongly P, whatever that really means. Of course, the thing to keep in mind in that case is that the terminology is deeply loaded, probably creating a strong affirmation bias.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:56 PM on July 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

My swim coach herded the whole team into a room and made us take it in high school.

I was thinking college, but now that you say that I do remember some sort of thing like this in High School. My counselor was trying to tell me that according to some test (that I was actually initially interested in) I wouldn’t really be good at anything and should set my sights low, like pumping gas as a career. I was ignoring him because I was so distracted thinking what an ass he was, and I already had firm plans of Rocking Out and Drinking (which I was pretty good at). He really was an ass.
posted by bongo_x at 9:57 PM on July 21, 2012

The "bless your heart" thing irritates me, because I don't think I've ever heard a member of my Southern family say it to convey any kind of negative meaning at all. The worst connotation in my family would be "poor thing", but not meant in a snide way.

This is probably one of my least favorite things that goes on here. It's also really disappointing when I see some people so gleeful about the fact that they've found a way to convey snideness and nastiness to other MeFites, in a way that they think nobody can object to.
posted by cairdeas at 12:16 AM on July 22, 2012 [16 favorites]

"I’m not familiar with the Myers-Briggs test, or I’ve ignored it.... Are they giving these at school or something?

Ivan beat me to it, but I'll just add that I studied personality testing and theories of personality, and Myers-Briggs never came up. It's not something that's coming out of academic psychology, at least not in my experience. It's much more of a corporate/business thing, it's far more popular in management theory than in psychology (which is where it actually comes from, its based on Jung's theories).
posted by Infinite Jest at 1:19 AM on July 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Were there ever (or are there any still) businesses that had applicants/employees take the MMPI?

It seems like a lot of already-somewhat-scientifically-dubious psychological diagnostic tools have been faddishly taken up by businesses (and government) and widely misused. Well, the polygraph immediately comes to mind, of course.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:30 AM on July 22, 2012

I’m not familiar with the Myers-Briggs test, or I’ve ignored it. I find it funny that these people refer to the types without explanation, as if everyone knows what they are talking about.

I'm the samew with the 'love languages' thing. What does this mean?
posted by mippy at 6:53 AM on July 22, 2012

That one's based on a book, The 5 Love Languages.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:30 AM on July 22, 2012

I think the basic concept of love languages is useful, though, in a way that I think Myers-Briggs isn't. It describes behavior, not personality, and is specific enough that I think it can be eye-opening for people who are dealing with miscommunications. (One of the most useful things I ever did in a relationship was say, very early on, "I don't care about getting presents and I am rock-bottom terrible at giving them. If they are important to you, let me know and I will make a special effort, but if not, don't go out of your way.")
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:55 AM on July 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

I had an ex who was supposed to take the Meyers-Briggs as part of law school orientation and then they'd give him advice on how to approach his law school years with that in mind. I was totally like "Man I would NOT do that" and he didn't see a problem with it, so went ahead. I don't know if it was super helpful for him but I do remember that his results [and it's one of those tests where whatever you "score" there are good/bad things about it, it's not like some are better than others, not really anyhow] was the exact opposite of me, like if I was ENTJ (can't remember, but something like that) he was ISFP and I was like "How do we even manage to prepare dinner together?"
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:55 AM on July 22, 2012

(One of the most useful things I ever did in a relationship was say, very early on, "I don't care about getting presents and I am rock-bottom terrible at giving them. If they are important to you, let me know and I will make a special effort, but if not, don't go out of your way.")

I am totally stealing that, word for word, for my next go at dating. That has seriously been something I have never managed to articulate well.
posted by psoas at 10:14 AM on July 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

The "bless your heart" thing irritates me, because I don't think I've ever heard a member of my Southern family say it to convey any kind of negative meaning at all. The worst connotation in my family would be "poor thing", but not meant in a snide way.

I agree (although I can see the funny part) but it is pretty inaccurate in my experience. "Poor thing, he can’t help it if he’s not very smart" would be the worst possible connotation I can think of.
posted by bongo_x at 11:19 AM on July 22, 2012

yeesh, i see people complaining that this thread sucked down a morning and an afternoon - it took me four wonderful days to get through!

and in regards to the personality type, I believe the consensus is that they function based on the Forer Effecct - that personality descriptions can sound accurate even if they have no real relation to the actual person.

Also, a lot of them were, afaik, made up without actually testing to see if they are wrong, only to see if they are right.
posted by rebent at 5:33 PM on July 22, 2012

Greg Nog,

This is a story about the worst thing I ever did on Metafilter.

[cue celebrity name cape dropping]

The OP was waffling about it. One can't waffle about a cape. One must strike boldly! I debated whether to poison the well to throw the OP off their game. Instead, I waited a few days*, hoping that the OP wouldn't have a sudden burst of self-confidence. Then I bought it. Thus I confess that I am the reason you are missing it from your life. If you want to come to Minneapolis and try it on sometime, I am happy to let you borrow it.

The good: Wearing it [pic] makes me feel like a hobbit.
The bad: The advice about how inconvenient they are in cars is spot on.


* Coming soon to AskMe: "How long ought one wait before buying a cape that someone else links too in AskMe?"

(elizardbits, I totally wore it to my next social outing... nothing but praise :) )
posted by gregglind at 9:11 AM on July 23, 2012 [14 favorites]

I started to read that question and at first thought "eh, capes don't work well if you have to carry a bag or backpack, and they're impractical on a bike, and…" And then I read the comments, one of which explicitly said "no, don't wear it because you'll be mocked by the squares" and my reaction shifted to "WEAR THE CAPE AND FLY YOUR FREAK FLAG PROUDLY, MY FRIEND!"

Sheesh. I think I want a t-shirt with the Earl of Keith's motto on it.
posted by Lexica at 9:59 AM on July 23, 2012 [4 favorites]

Well, folks, it's been a long slog. At times, I wasn't sure if I'd make it. There were some good times - oh dear lord, the shawl thread! - and some hard times - NFLFan's poor wife! the Fr0zen debacle almost made me quit.

But here I am, at the (for now!) end of this epic thread. And all I can say is - am I actually supposed to work now?
posted by lunasol at 11:53 AM on July 23, 2012 [3 favorites]

Today, when the guy asked about neighborhoods in LA near his abusive mother, I fully expected everyone to say why are you transplanting your life to be near your abusive mother in the first place?! But they're sticking to answering the questions; the mods have trained us well.
posted by Melismata at 12:17 PM on July 23, 2012 [4 favorites]

his results [..] was the exact opposite of me, like if I was ENTJ (can't remember, but something like that) he was ISFP and I was like "How do we even manage to prepare dinner together?"

Pretty straightforward. You could actually focus on making dinner while he was busy *feeling* it. Or vice-versa, I can never remember.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:20 PM on July 23, 2012

the mods have trained us well.

You read that he's actually moving in with his mother, right? And a few people have given social service options and suggestions for dealing with an abusive and/or ill parent while at the same time managing to answer the question. Not everyone's moral calculus for dealing with bad situations is similar and there's some skill in being able to raise concerns while at the same time answering the question being asked.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:24 PM on July 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

...holy crap - for magstheaxe's answer.
posted by peagood at 11:33 PM on July 19


FFS, am I taking shit for that answer again?

I explained myself here, and I still stand by the answer I posted in fermt's thread. I was trying to reach fermt in a language I suspected he would understand.

Jeez louise, I wish Metafilter would try to understand how other people think, sometimes.
posted by magstheaxe at 10:22 PM on July 23, 2012

Maybe that was a good holy crap?
posted by 1000monkeys at 10:28 PM on July 23, 2012 [4 favorites]

magstheaxe I read that as a good holy crap, which made me click through to read your comment, which I then favorited with enthusiasm (along with 70 other people). You were able to speak to the OP in language that made sense to him, and he really needed that. I don't speak that language (in fact I find it terrifying), but that was best-of-the-web stuff.
posted by headnsouth at 6:58 AM on July 24, 2012 [3 favorites]

I too read it as a good "holy crap." It was a great answer.
posted by languagehat at 8:29 AM on July 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

Count me too as reading "holy crap" as "holy crap, awesome answer!"
posted by rtha at 8:43 AM on July 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yup. Good "holy crap".
posted by likeso at 8:53 AM on July 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

Okay, then, I apologize very much to peagood.

I get defensive about that answer, because I tried to reach out to fermt the best way I knew how, and given the way he framed some things, I suspected he was on a more fundamentalist side of Christianity. It seemed several people here supported me, but I also got some criticism. And I saw a little "LOLFUNDIES THEY SO CRAY CRAY" , which was not appreciated, as I count some evangelicals amongst my friends and family.

So I apologize for my knee-jerk reaction to peagood. I shouldn't have bit peagood's head off like that.
posted by magstheaxe at 9:11 AM on July 24, 2012 [6 favorites]

You know, if I sounded overly strident back then, I apologize. I understood better after you explained it how you were trying to reach them via a shared language, it made more sense. I certainly didn't mean it as lol anything, having fought off quite a few of my own metaphorical demons.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:38 AM on July 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

It might also be worth noting that sveskemus is from Denmark and doesn't speak English as a first language and I think is really asking if that's how things work in the US. I appreciate that there is a certain amount of nasty anti-religion chatter here that is grating and feels bad. At the same time I do not think that your interpretation of what he said is necessarily the way I would have phrased it. And I'm also in the "good holy crap" camp for what that's worth.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:40 AM on July 24, 2012

Devil's Rancher, thanks for the apology. It's appreciated.

jessamyn, thanks for the explanation. I've seen sveskemus's posts around Metafilter, and he struck me as rather fluent.
posted by magstheaxe at 12:45 PM on July 24, 2012

I meant "Holy crap!" in a good way - so sorry. I should have been more careful to be clear myself, especially when attempting to offer a compliment. I didn't follow the Meta thread until much later, didn't realize that you took some flak, and I never got back to clarify that I admired it. Please accept my apologies.

It was so well-written, with such a cadence I could hear it in my head, whether or not it wasn't well-received by some. I was actually going to ask how long it took you to write that? I am amazed at the amount of time and skill some spend on crafting an answer, and the quality of the work presented from some users is so amazing. That's a beautiful example of how someone got their mind around something and approached it from a different angle, and really took a chance and did it with skill. You were clear about what you were doing, and you were really good at it.

I apologize to all - I'm not very good at the gray/grey yet.
posted by peagood at 11:13 AM on July 25, 2012 [6 favorites]

Hey, peagood!

Thanks for clarifying what you meant. I sincerely apologize for jumping down your throat like that; I was wrong to do so.

I don't recall how long it took me to write that (I was at work when I composed it). I know it took a good while, but I was also working, so....

As for the cadence and what-not, meh. I grew up in a Missionary Baptist Church and am used to the rhetorical characteristics of traditional African-American preachers. Sometimes bits of that experience come through in my writing and my voice.
posted by magstheaxe at 12:23 PM on July 25, 2012

Here's a really good one of these that just landed a few minutes ago.
posted by hermitosis at 2:46 PM on July 25, 2012 [2 favorites]

I spotted that too.
posted by ocherdraco at 3:19 PM on July 25, 2012

Wow magstheaxe, that was an awesome answer.

I hope he was able to hear it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:01 PM on July 25, 2012

I enjoyed this one about (i) what sort of machete to buy for visiting a foreign country and (ii) how to learn knife fighting skills.
posted by subtle-t at 10:04 AM on July 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

An answer in the knife/machete one linked to the classic housepainting in France question. (As far as I can tell by skimming his other activity, he is not yet in France painting houses.)
posted by Forktine at 10:14 AM on July 26, 2012 [1 favorite]

I enjoyed this one about (i) what sort of machete to buy for visiting a foreign country and (ii) how to learn knife fighting skills.

jesus wept
posted by elizardbits at 7:27 AM on July 27, 2012 [1 favorite]

The France one made me sad because I wanted the answer to be 'yeah, do it!'. I moved to London with little money - although it was within the same country and I had a job lined up.

We don't have WWOOF or Peace Corps here (VSO mightr be similar). One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I didn't find the opportunities to live overseas for a bit. I wasn't academically together enough to apply for the Fulbright or Penn State scholarships, plus I was in a relationship (that should have been nipped in the bud some time before). I met a friend from 6th form on a train platform and he told me he was about to go and teach English in China. I didn't have the £500 needed to pay for the flight, which was a minimum requirement to get on the program. So I didn't go.

Of course in hindsight it wouldn't have solved all my problems or made me happier - dealing with mental illness is hard enough in familiar settings - but I would probably have enjoyed life a lot more than I did photocopying as an office temp. I had similar 'running away' feelings to the poster there, and I could not have afforded to take gap year travel really (my dad told me expressly that if I took a gap year, I was to withdraw all my savings and hand them over to him, because he said that I would never go back to doing a degree afterwards and the savings were supposed to pay for university, apparently). I could in theory take a sabbatical from work now, but I have a nice boyfriend and rugs and the fear that everyone in Europe is unemployed right now anyway. I can't help feeling that that particular door was closed when I wasn't looking.
posted by mippy at 8:37 AM on July 27, 2012

I remember the painting houses in France one and wondered if he ever made it to France.

I didn't see the machete thread before, but man, there's an OP who was set on getting his question answered...
posted by patheral at 8:48 AM on July 27, 2012

I really like that the dude didn't tableflip ragequit immediately after that thread. I am pretty sure I will never be able to answer any of his future askmes in anything resembling a productive and useful manner, though.

because lol
posted by elizardbits at 8:51 AM on July 27, 2012 [1 favorite]

The best part of the machete thread was the guy says he's "reasonably ok for self defense purposes" because of this "training" and then it comes out that he's been meeting with a friend once a week for less than a year. My dojo doesn't even let people do partner sparring drills with that level of experience, and this dude wants to learn how to machete-fight?
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:10 AM on July 27, 2012

Just finished reading the thread and this is a bit of a callback now, but...

I'd just like to point out that Manthong the Magnificent would be a) a good band name b) a great sockpuppet name and c) the greatest Halloween costume.
posted by maryr at 1:34 PM on July 27, 2012 [2 favorites]

Man, 4cheez is on FIRE in that thread.

He should come back.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 3:43 PM on July 29, 2012

...Who's 4cheez? I can't find evidence he even existed to begin with.
(Or is 4cheez a paphnuty sockpuppet?)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:04 AM on July 30, 2012

fourcheesemac. He left during a sexist thread. It was bad.
posted by likeso at 7:12 AM on July 30, 2012

Looking it up just now, interestingly, EmpressCallipygos was very active in that very thread. But it wasn't just a sexism thread, it was a rape thread. (It's very interesting that fourcheesemac is a cultural anthropologist but was arguing for an essentialist position — it must be very uncomfortable for him at conferences.)
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:39 AM on July 30, 2012

Ivan Fyodorovich: " interestingly, EmpressCallipygos was very active in that very thread."

This one? Lots of us were. Feminists, myself included, are often active in threads where those topics are raised. Out of curiosity, was her behavior in that thread otherwise remarkable?

fourcheesemac left a message in his profile before he left.
posted by zarq at 8:14 AM on July 30, 2012

No, I just mentioned it because she didn't recognize the reference to him, asked about it, was told he left and his last thread, and it was one she participated heavily in. Not any particular significance.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:41 AM on July 30, 2012

Aaaah. Okay. :)
posted by zarq at 8:59 AM on July 30, 2012

I just mentioned it because she didn't recognize the reference to him, asked about it, was told he left and his last thread, and it was one she participated heavily in.

Uh, that's because he was going by "fourcheesemac" in that thread and I didn't know "4cheez" was the wacky nickname.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:08 AM on July 30, 2012

Not sure if this one was linked above, but here's the perfect example:

Q. Does this guy like me, if so how should I ask him out?
A. He's your phD supervisor and that would be the worst thing you could ever possibly do for your career, DO NOT ASK HIM OUT!
posted by RainyJay at 9:35 AM on July 30, 2012

Uh, that's because he was going by "fourcheesemac" in that thread and I didn't know "4cheez" was the wacky nickname.

What? You don't keep track of the idiosyncratic and every-changing nicknames we use in place of nicknames people have chosen for themselves? No more mefi for you until you show us your spreadsheet!
posted by rtha at 9:37 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I didn't know "4cheez" was the wacky nickname.

that is because i made it up right then and there
posted by elizardbits at 9:52 AM on July 30, 2012

I cringe to think what my nickname around here might be. ;)
posted by zarq at 9:53 AM on July 30, 2012

Oh shit, that was not an invitation. *headdesk*
posted by zarq at 9:54 AM on July 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Aloysius"
posted by griphus at 9:55 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Zarqasaurus Flex.
posted by The Whelk at 9:56 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

The Notorious Z.R.Q
posted by zombieflanders at 9:58 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh god. *hides*
posted by zarq at 9:59 AM on July 30, 2012

The Specter Haunting The Heart Of The World.

Granted that's more of a code name.
posted by The Whelk at 10:02 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Zarky-poo.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:15 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Or Zarky-poodle.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:16 AM on July 30, 2012 [5 favorites]

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Zarq
posted by griphus at 10:21 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Zarchimedes
posted by Forktine at 10:35 AM on July 30, 2012 [2 favorites]

Zarqrise to Danglesword.
posted by likeso at 10:40 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

Bohemian Zarqsody
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:40 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I always just thought you were the nickname for Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish. Never mind the chronology of it.
posted by phunniemee at 10:47 AM on July 30, 2012

Gospel According to Zarq
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:51 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

EmpressCallipygos: "Or Zarky-poodle."

*snort* :D
posted by zarq at 10:52 AM on July 30, 2012

You really shouldn't snort poodles. Hypoallergenic or not, you get all sorts of fur stuck in your nose.
posted by maryr at 10:54 AM on July 30, 2012 [4 favorites]

Fran Zarqenton
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:05 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I can stop any time I want. *achoo!* I swear!
posted by zarq at 11:06 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

ER personnel have heard it all before. Please don't let feelings of shame stand in the way of getting the help you need, Poodlesnorter.
posted by likeso at 11:09 AM on July 30, 2012 [4 favorites]

Poodlesnorter is the kind of nickname that sticks...
posted by patheral at 11:36 AM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm adding it to my spreadsheet.
posted by rtha at 11:50 AM on July 30, 2012 [3 favorites]

Oh, you losers. I was favoriting him before it was cool. [/hipster Znarq]
posted by iamkimiam at 12:58 PM on July 30, 2012 [3 favorites]

Q: "Weird porn searches in brower dropdown history. Help me figure this out before it's too late?"
A:"That is crazy. You need a couples' therapist, not technical help."
posted by travelwithcats at 1:04 PM on July 30, 2012 [1 favorite]

This guy's wall of text was something about wanting to know what to do after cheating on his wife and getting kicked out. I think. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU is one of my favorite askme answers of all time.
posted by Melismata at 2:19 PM on July 30, 2012

This guy's wall of text was something about wanting to know what to do after cheating on his wife and getting kicked out. I think. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU is one of my favorite askme answers of all time.

Oh my. That is an INSANE post. It actually sounds like a slightly older version of fedora guy.
posted by triggerfinger at 3:12 PM on July 30, 2012

Converting my 10-year-old cousin to atheism through books?
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 5:13 AM on July 31, 2012

To his credit, though, he very quickly agreed with the repsonders that "yeah, you're right, aggressively trying to convert a little kid is a dick thing to do."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:44 AM on July 31, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is getting pretty far off the track of examples of posters getting "advice that is nothing at all like what they would have expected" and getting into sort of pointing and laughing territory on active threads, which isn't so great.
posted by taz (staff) at 6:35 AM on July 31, 2012 [7 favorites]

I came back to this thread. I lost another 3 hours reading Fedora Guy. Every time, it amuses me anew.
posted by subbes at 7:30 AM on August 2, 2012

This guy lives in western Canada, doesn't want to move, but is only attracted to people who are from New York City. "Do you think if I set my dating profile to New York, people will want to fly to western Canada to date me? Griphus puts him in his place here and here.
posted by Melismata at 2:14 PM on August 3, 2012

To everyone who said they spent a day/days/a week reading this, I see you and I raise you... I've only just finished reading this thread and all the links now!! And I asked the question.

Thanks for all the links, it's been awesome finding out about some of the interesting characters out there - I think my favourite was airnxtz, too bad he was never brought to justice. I love those posts that turn into a big long thing, the airnxtz saga reminded me of the time I spent reading through all the Kaycee Nicole stuff. This site is THE. BEST.

I asked this question because I genuinely love the unexpected twists, not to laugh at people for being clueless, so I hope no one has been offended by any of this!
posted by peppermintfreddo at 12:44 AM on August 4, 2012 [3 favorites]