SoAndSo added you as a contact. 6 days ago

January 23, 2014 10:54 AM

Occasionally people add me as a contact. Why do they do this?

Once in a while someone will show up in the sidebar of the site as having added me as a contact. Generally, I have not had any sort of conversation with this person and they don't send me MeMail or anything mentioning the add. So, being that I don't really use the "contact" feature of the site, can someone explain to me what someone gets out of having me as a "contact"? Is it any more than my activity shows up in their sidebar? I'm flattered if they just think I'm interested and want to see more of what I'm saying, but I'm wondering what other uses people have for the contact system.

posted by tylerkaraszewski to Etiquette/Policy at 10:54 AM (126 comments total)

I always just assume that it means they love and adore me. Why the hell not!

(I have like 5. But I'll take it.)
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:02 AM on January 23, 2014 [10 favorites]

I sometimes add people I haven't met as contacts if I've noticed that I seem to favorite their comments a bunch, or that we seem to appear in the same threads a lot and express similar viewpoints, or even occasionally if they write one or two really amazing comments that I really like quite a bit. Then their other popular comments will appear in my sidebar and I will sometimes check them out and as often as not they point me to an interesting thread that I would have missed otherwise.

If I have added anyone as a contact and they'd rather not be, just let me know and I'll remove you. No biggie. I certainly wouldn't want to freak anyone out!
posted by onlyconnect at 11:02 AM on January 23, 2014 [14 favorites]

I use it when I meet people (I add them as "met") or when I discover someone is a librarian (I add them as "colleague").
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:03 AM on January 23, 2014 [6 favorites]

Be flattered. It usually means someone wants to keep track of your posts and more favorited comments and answers. It can also mean you have an internet chum, if they add you as a warmer flavor of contact. You don't have to do anything or respond. I did get more friendly with some people I met here via the contact system, and that may happen to you, but it is not at all required or expected.
posted by bearwife at 11:03 AM on January 23, 2014

Is it any more than my activity shows up in their sidebar?

Probably just that. I should warn you though that a bunch of people are about to pretend-marry you. Don't be alarmed.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 11:03 AM on January 23, 2014 [23 favorites]

tylerkaraszewski
Linked by: 12 users

Can we start a pool on what this number is gonna be at by the time this thread dies off?
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:08 AM on January 23, 2014 [12 favorites]

Jeez, I just looked at my Contacts page for the first time in like forever; I must have used it when the feature was first introduced and then pretty much forgot it was there. I feel like I just dug up a time capsule.
posted by ook at 11:12 AM on January 23, 2014

Oh yeah, once in a blue moon I will add a contact just because I really like their user name. (Sylvia Plath's terrible fish, I'm looking at you!) Is that weird?
posted by onlyconnect at 11:17 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

Why do they do this?

I get asked this sort of question all the time. Why did this guy say this or do this? These are about people I have never met. My responses are either completely speculative or "Ask them. I'm not them, I couldn't possibly know."

I personally have only added people as a very casual means of following them.
posted by juiceCake at 11:18 AM on January 23, 2014

I use it in the intersection of a) when I notice, either by use of the infodumpster or just unconscious memory, that I've frequently liked someone's contributions to the site, and b) I remember to add them to my contacts while c) being at my computer. My intentions are 100% positive.
posted by gauche at 11:18 AM on January 23, 2014

Since Metafilter has no "follow" feature I basically use the contact feature as my follow feature; if I'm following someone it means I think they are interesting and/or smart and I want to be aware of the things they write.
posted by cairdeas at 11:19 AM on January 23, 2014 [7 favorites]

They like you. They really like you.
posted by davejay at 11:19 AM on January 23, 2014

My contact list:

A) posts about music
B) posts about art
C) doesn't post but comments are awesome
D) broke the water pitcher
posted by winna at 11:19 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

Witchcraft.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:24 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

If there is a user who I realise I'm consistently favoriting, then yeah, I'll add them as a contact.
posted by gaspode at 11:24 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

HELLO SPOUSE
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:28 AM on January 23, 2014 [9 favorites]

Add me to using it as a kind of "follow" feature. Of my 18 contacts, I've met six. There is no common thread among the remaining 12 except that those people have written enough things that I found interesting or amusing that I want to be sure to read other interesting and amusing things they say.

But IANYC TISNCA.
posted by solotoro at 11:29 AM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

I was just going to say, Foci, that we're half and hour and 30 comments into this thread and poor Tyler hasn't been enspousenated by anyone yet!
posted by carsonb at 11:29 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

I should warn you though that a bunch of people are about to pretend-marry you.

Spouses are grouses, but spice are nice.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:31 AM on January 23, 2014 [5 favorites]

I have three types of contacts: people who I know from outside, people I've met at meet ups, and people whose posts and comments I want to be notified of.

I like to flatter myself by imagining that people add me as a contact because they want to see my posts.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:31 AM on January 23, 2014

A+ tags.

I usually add people I really like, people I help, or people that add me first.
posted by deezil at 11:35 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

This FAQ entry talks a little about what utility comes from having someone as a contact.

I've added people in several categories -- people I've met, people who say they are academics or experts in something specific, and just people whose comments I noticed as being good for one reason or another.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:37 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

But, thinking about it, there are lots of people I've noticed who I haven't added, so it's a bit inconsistent there.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:38 AM on January 23, 2014

Oh yeah, I add contacts that I've met IRL, people who's sensibilities appeal to mine on a consistent and notable basis, and finally people who's contributions to the site I'd like to follow in order to refute their every assertion, mock their every grammatical and/or spelling error, and in general terrorize.

The latter usage is probably not site-sanctioned, but you know.
posted by carsonb at 11:39 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

I mostly add people who ask about why people add people.
posted by scalefree at 11:42 AM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

In addition to the completely positive reasons everyone has listed above, every once in a blue moon I'll add someone as a contact for my own personal lulz. Maybe someone who posted a really bizarre question once and I want to see what they come up with next. Or maybe someone who has a history of starting contentious, popcorn-worthy metas. These are generally temporary contacts, as I'll drop them as soon as my ability to be amused by their antics wears off.

I'm kind of a jerk though.
posted by phunniemee at 11:45 AM on January 23, 2014 [5 favorites]

Most of the people who link to me are people I've met at Meetups, and vice versa. Once in a while I link to someone I haven't yet met because I like the content of their posts or maybe they often post things I'm interested in and I don't want to miss one of, say, Brandon Blatcher's excellent space posts.

When people I've never met before link to me I often scratch my head and wonder why. A couple of weeks ago I received a nice MeMail from someone saying "I just added you as a contact because..." and it was really nice to find out why someone added me. I wish everyone would do that.
posted by bondcliff at 11:47 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

Sometimes I do it (like I'm about to do now, hi) when I thought I had already had that person as a contact, but then I discover I didn't.

In general, I add as contacts mefites I've met, mefites who say interesting things, mefites who make good posts, mefites who make me laugh. Like that.
posted by rtha at 11:50 AM on January 23, 2014

Hey -- he ain't Ralph.
posted by Madamina at 11:54 AM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

Horace Rumpole: " Probably just that. I should warn you though that a bunch of people are about to pretend-marry you. Don't be alarmed."

Foci for Analysis: "HELLO SPOUSE"

For reference, this incident is what those comments are referring to.

St. Alia took it well. :D
posted by zarq at 11:55 AM on January 23, 2014 [3 favorites]

I've actually added people as contacts whose viewpoints I despise ... just to keep tabs on them.

wolfdreams01, anyone?
posted by jayder at 11:57 AM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

hahha yes i did add wolfdreams to my contacts after that.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 12:00 PM on January 23, 2014

Well I completely forgot about this feature. My eye just skims over the sidebar like it's an ad for some reason. Do contact notifications show up anywhere else?
posted by yasaman at 12:00 PM on January 23, 2014

Quit talking about banned users please.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:01 PM on January 23, 2014 [8 favorites]

zarq: St. Alia took it well. :D

And continues to have fun with it, two and three years later.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:02 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

filthy light thief: " And continues to have fun with it, two and three years later."

Good for her! It could have gone down very differently.
posted by zarq at 12:03 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

It's all fun and games until your contacts need that 'favour' doing. Yeah, it's five in the morning and you're all out of gas, but you get the call. Sooner or later we all get the call tylerkaraszewski. Still, you just broke the first rule of contacts so hey, you might be okay.

Just humour me though... Flip the blinds and check the road outside your apartment.
The guy eating Krispy Kremes in that white Corolla?

Yeah. He's a contact.
posted by 0 answers at 12:05 PM on January 23, 2014 [7 favorites]

Adding as contact is usually a tipping point thing for me -- I'll see a great comment and think, "You know, this is the nth interesting thing that person has said, and I really should add them." In most cases, especially in the last few years, I have sent a short MeFi mail along to note the comment as well as the add.

P.S. to tylerkaraszewski: Love the tags on this MeTa!
posted by MonkeyToes at 12:13 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

I add people as contacts when I meet them in real life, when they add me as a contact, or when I enjoy the stuff they post/the stuff they say in their comments. I try to minimize the third and I try to meet as many people in real life as I can. I can't do anything about the second, but it's good for my experience of the site, as people tend to add me who have sensibilities similar to my own.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:15 PM on January 23, 2014

I mostly add people when I meet them in person, since I've been to meetups all over and it helps me remember people better. Having a broad range of contacts also gives me a nice little random sprinkling of questions and threads to check in on that I might not have seen otherwise.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 12:16 PM on January 23, 2014

I've actually added people as contacts whose viewpoints I despise ... just to keep tabs on them.

*Cough*hisblogisariot*Cough*
posted by octobersurprise at 12:16 PM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

I add contacts either because I want to follow them or because I met them.

Anyway, this is conveniently timed, as I was actually just contemplating either sending a mod note or starting a MetaTalk to inquire as to whether "muse" needs to be in the "Romantic" section as I undertook some contact adding just now. I use it to mean "your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter" in a pretty non-romantic sense, but I still have that little tinge of "well I hope this isn't weird" whenever I select it because of which category it's under.
posted by invitapriore at 12:21 PM on January 23, 2014 [4 favorites]

A+ tags

See, that's the kind of thing that can get you contacted by the whimsical. Truly, those are excellent tags.

In terms of idiosyncratic usage of contact categories, I use "muse" more in the sense of "this is who I want to be like when I grow up." A "crush" tends to make me giggle a lot.
posted by EvaDestruction at 12:26 PM on January 23, 2014

I keep trying to designate the man of twists and turns as "Cultivator of My Idiosyncratic Personal Micro-culture," but I don't see that option listed.
posted by MonkeyToes at 12:31 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

invitapriore: Anyway, this is conveniently timed, as I was actually just contemplating either sending a mod note or starting a MetaTalk to inquire as to whether "muse" needs to be in the "Romantic" section as I undertook some contact adding just now.

The contact form is based on the XHTML Friends Network (creator/form), which "puts a human face on linking," where "muse" is simply defined as "Someone who brings you inspiration." I see it as an outlier that can overlap with romantic leanings, so instead of creating another category with one option, it got added to the romance category.

I have actually had similar thoughts on "crush," but in the lines of "man crush" as in "a crush-like but non-sexual feeling of attraction toward and admiration for a man," but disregarding gender.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:32 PM on January 23, 2014

> I sometimes add people I haven't met as contacts if I've noticed that I seem to favorite their comments a bunch, or that we seem to appear in the same threads a lot and express similar viewpoints, or even occasionally if they write one or two really amazing comments that I really like quite a bit.

Same here. Also for people I've met in person.
posted by languagehat at 12:33 PM on January 23, 2014

Check out this image, which shows the Contact Activity bar on the far right

People you have contacted will appear in that sidebar, so you can be noticed when they've made a post, made a comment that's gotten over 12 favorites, a best answer in AskMefi and a few other things I can't recall at the moment (anyone?). For instance, Miko usually makes interesting comments about US history, so I favorited her in the hopes of seeing more of those comments.

It's not a perfect system. In the above example, I'm seeing a lot of contributions that Miko makes that have nothing to do with history, but that's ok for me. YMMV on what you take from other users contribute.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:46 PM on January 23, 2014

I don't use contacts much, but I added bonerman26 to kind of applaud the $5 joke that he/she represented, and was promptly added back. It did occur to me then that if anyone went looking, the single mutual contact between us would suggest to them that it was me what created the account, but it wasn't. I have no idea who it is.
posted by George_Spiggott at 12:51 PM on January 23, 2014

People you have contacted will appear in that sidebar, so you can be noticed when they've made a post, made a comment that's gotten over 12 favorites, a best answer in AskMefi and a few other things I can't recall at the moment (anyone?).

That's most of them - you'll see when someone adds you as a contact (or your contacts add other people as contacts), then when one of your contacts makes a post on any sub-site, when those posts get to or above 12 favorites, when comments to any sub-site get to or above 12 favorites, and when an AskMe answer is flagged as "best."
posted by filthy light thief at 12:56 PM on January 23, 2014

When you look at your Contact Activity in the sidebar on the main Metafilter.com page, you'll see an unobtrusive link at the bottom of the list that says, "All Activity."

That page looks like this. The column on the right shows filters for the list. The threshold for people's favorite counts showing up on the sidebar is 12.
posted by zarq at 12:57 PM on January 23, 2014

what are pokes
posted by elizardbits at 1:00 PM on January 23, 2014 [4 favorites]

I added elizardbits as a contact but I removed her after a week only because my sidebar was always filled with a bunch of "elizardbits made a comment with X favorites", pushing everything else off the sidebar.

Sorry, elizardbits. It wasn't personal.
posted by bondcliff at 1:02 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

elizardbits: "what are pokes"

*waggles eyebrows*
posted by zarq at 1:04 PM on January 23, 2014

Proof that there really is such a thing as being too clever for your own good.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:04 PM on January 23, 2014

bondcliff, I got around that problem by setting the whole NY-humorist crowd as contacts, so that whatever gets through is really good
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 1:04 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

$20 SAIT
posted by Elementary Penguin at 1:07 PM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

When un-contacting a fellow MeFite, it is customary to employ a messenger to deliver the news in person, by saying, in grave and somber tones, "FrodoLives27 no longer wishes to retain you as a contact," then shattering a symbolic plate and scattering a handful of symbolic beans.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:08 PM on January 23, 2014 [15 favorites]

You can also send them a link to this video just in case
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 1:10 PM on January 23, 2014

I use "muse" in the classical sense.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:14 PM on January 23, 2014 [6 favorites]

bondcliff, I got around that problem by setting the whole NY-humorist crowd as contacts, so that whatever gets through is really good

as a side bonus, the "noise" is hilarious
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 1:27 PM on January 23, 2014

Also I like to assume that people add me for awesomeness.

Pretty much.

Incidently, great enspousing notwithstanding, I find that my uptight protestant upbringing prevents me from adding anybody as anything other than a contact, because it seems a bit forward to add them as a friend if you've never met them. Anybody else suffering from that?
posted by MartinWisse at 1:41 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

For people searching through the usual repositories of information, here's the FAQ on contacts, and the new Contact page I made on the wiki, based largely on the FAQ, but with a few revisions and additions.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:45 PM on January 23, 2014

Incidently, great enspousing notwithstanding, I find that my uptight protestant upbringing prevents me from adding anybody as anything other than a contact, because it seems a bit forward to add them as a friend if you've never met them. Anybody else suffering from that?

Me too, it seems so forward! I am not shy in real life but apparently I'm shy on the internet. I don't even have an uptight protestant upbringing to blame.
posted by aka burlap at 1:47 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

I assume they're just telling me who will be joining my ever growing army of the night.
posted by The Whelk at 2:04 PM on January 23, 2014

I like to flatter myself by imagining that people add me as a contact because they want to see my posts.

For what it's worth, this is precisely why I added you. Well that, and the voodoo. But it was mostly to follow posts.
posted by smoke at 2:09 PM on January 23, 2014

I use "muse" in the classical sense.

Right? It's not romantic, it's Romantic.
posted by Elsa at 2:12 PM on January 23, 2014 [4 favorites]

I add people when I realise they are in my city (which doesn't have very many MeFites), or if they are in the same career as me. I figure those things might come in handy sometime, but in reality, I haven't ever used the information for anything.
posted by lollusc at 2:17 PM on January 23, 2014

Oh, OR if I have actually had a personal connection/correspondence with them, obvs.
posted by lollusc at 2:17 PM on January 23, 2014

I've added everyone I've met, as best as I can recall, and people who have interests similar to mine, and people whose contributions I really enjoy and appreciate, and people I admire, and also for a long time I've followed back anyone who followed me, which was an interesting way to get to know people I might not otherwise. Because a lot of people do lurk the site and don't comment much, it's nice to see that they showed up and contacted me, and then I can check out their profile and stuff they've said.
posted by Miko at 2:42 PM on January 23, 2014

This thread reminds me of a pony request I had a while back, but held back from mentioning because I was told pb was under the weather. I had forgot about it until a meetup a few weeks back, and now this thread reminded me again. So ...

I would like to choose which categories of contacts I see on the sidebar. I too link to everyone I meet IRL, but that doesn't mean I want to see all of their activity on the site. The ideal for me would be to display the activity from people I mark as "muse."
posted by terrapin at 2:50 PM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

I only add people with whom I have had sex.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:51 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

The contacts page is a list of people invited to my fancy cannibal dinner party.
posted by The Whelk at 2:51 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

AWESOME! Fresh Gastropod Delight!

Please be sure to baste yourself with extra virgin olive oil prior to boiling and sauteeing.
posted by zarq at 2:57 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

I only add people who have chairs that I really admire.
posted by The Riker Who Mounts the World at 2:57 PM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

I remember someone did some maths and worked out that I was amongst the top contact-adding-type-dudes on the site or something. Anyway, I got all self conscious and stopped.

*waves cheerfully*
posted by Jofus at 2:57 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

JOFUS!
posted by terrapin at 2:59 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

Spouses are grouses, but spice are nice.

Pony request: please add "grouse" as relationship type.
posted by Going To Maine at 3:13 PM on January 23, 2014

I generally link to people that I've met, and to people who have contributions that I find interesting enough that I want to see them in my sidebar so I don't miss them.
posted by dotgirl at 3:19 PM on January 23, 2014

I add people when I figure out they're in Alaska---I figure it's the closest I'm likely to come to a meetup.
posted by leahwrenn at 3:32 PM on January 23, 2014

MoonOrb: "zarq were you replying to JohnnyGunn or The Whelk?"

Ha!

The Whelk. :)
posted by zarq at 3:32 PM on January 23, 2014

The contacts page is a list of people invited to my fancy cannibal dinner party.

Wait, "invited to" or "served at"?
posted by Elsa at 3:34 PM on January 23, 2014

Yes.
posted by The Whelk at 3:35 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

I RESCIND MY FAVORITE.

In spirit.
posted by Elsa at 3:36 PM on January 23, 2014

I add people I've met, and people whose comments I often give favorites to, because the sidebar helps me see more of their comments.
posted by graymouser at 3:39 PM on January 23, 2014

Occasionally people add me as a contact


Caught yourself some spouses, too, eh? They grow like mushrooms around here.
posted by Namlit at 3:40 PM on January 23, 2014

This thread reminds me of a pony request I had a while back, but held back from mentioning...

No, you asked about this in July 2012 but I'm not sure I got back to you. We discussed it then and we just discussed it again today. We're leaning against it right now. The contact activity sidebar is already the slowest thing on the homepage for members and adding another sorting criteria could bog it down further. And presenting the XFN options for filtering is another challenge. It's not a great system to begin with so we're not thrilled with the prospect of building a complex dedicated page simply for choosing who appears on the front page sidebar.

If there's a particular type of activity you don't like you can filter that out. But for now, if you add someone as a contact you'll see them in your contact activity.
posted by pb (staff) at 3:41 PM on January 23, 2014

Is it any more than my activity shows up in their sidebar?

As others have said above, in various forms: when I add someone as a contact, it's because they say things that I want to hear, or even that they seem to be someone I'd like to hear more from. That might mean they say things I agree with, things I disagree with and I want to challenge my own views, things that are funny, things that are heartfelt, that they live in my region and I want to see meet-up updates from them, or just that I think they're swell and want to see more of their input than I would otherwise.
posted by Elsa at 3:47 PM on January 23, 2014

Or that I want to keep track of their whereabouts to avoid being fancy-cannibalized by them, MISTER THE WHELK.
posted by Elsa at 3:47 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

I add people I know from other places, both physical and online, and people who live in, or lived in, places I've lived in or used to live or might want to live, and people who I think make really good/interesting/etc. comments, or are really interesting/etc. people, and people who have hobbies and interests and preferences and suchlike that are similar to mine. I add public library workers who talk about their library work, though not with the dedication or completeness that Jess brings to this task. I participated in at least one and probably more than one of those spouse MeTa posts.

At least once, I added somebody because I thought their posts were trainwrecks and I liked to watch. I don't follow that person any more. That was a long time ago, and I don't feel good about it now, but I add it in the interest of full disclosure.

I also add people, casually, haphazardly, when I notice it, that have the word 'box' in their usernames.
posted by box at 3:55 PM on January 23, 2014

Brandon Blatcher hit the contact cap of 500 in 2009.

That's one of my favorite MetaTalk posts.
posted by double block and bleed at 3:57 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

I love that thread cause I was still new to Metafilter but I just had all my wisdom teeth removed and was pretty freaking high on painkillers for 48 hours which turns out makes you not very nervous when posting in a long, goofy warm fuzzy thread.
posted by The Whelk at 4:02 PM on January 23, 2014

Brandon Blatcher hit the contact cap of 500 in 2009.

Jessamyn used her insider connections to get it lifted, so there's that. I don't think there's a limit now.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:33 PM on January 23, 2014

I use contacts for:
1) People I've met
2) Friends from the chat room
3) People who write hilarious comments worth reading even if I wouldn't otherwise read the rest of the thread
4) People who stir up a lot of drama and whom I keep track of so I can get in on the ground floor of their next AskMe and/or MetaTalk epic clusterfuck
posted by Jacqueline at 4:34 PM on January 23, 2014

I am always glad when I check my contacts and Brandon is still my spouse.

At this point it has lasted almost as long as my actual real life marriage did!
posted by winna at 4:48 PM on January 23, 2014 [1 favorite]

The contacts page is a list of people invited to my fancy cannibal dinner party.

Guess I'll have to crash the party. With vegan appetizers.
posted by peripathetic at 4:50 PM on January 23, 2014

I do it 'just because'. No rhyme or reason.
posted by dg at 4:51 PM on January 23, 2014

18% of people I've contacted have since disabled their accounts, the latest being IRFH :-(. Maybe I better stop doing that.
posted by dg at 4:58 PM on January 23, 2014

Maybe I better stop doing that.

Or you could use your newfound powers, you know, to crush your enemies. By enspousening them.
posted by graymouser at 5:01 PM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

I have very very few contacts. A couple are IRL friends, a few are online friends from various other places, and a couple are awesome MeFites whose comments and posts I really like.

(Did I mention how sad and small my contacts list is? Tiny! And lonely! I haven't even ever been espousened!)
posted by sarcasticah at 5:08 PM on January 23, 2014

Is this where I confess that, when I first joined, I added a bunch of random people as contacts because I thought they were interesting?

So, if I listed you as a contact, it might be for no particular reason but that I thought you made an interesting comment back in 2010.
posted by Sara C. at 5:08 PM on January 23, 2014

I very recently added you. It was because you write smart things, and I'd like to know when you write more smart things. Adding you as a contact brings some of your comments to my sidebar. (Including this MetaTalk post.)
posted by Houstonian at 6:43 PM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

I add interesting people or members I've met IRL. I don't add anyone in a negative manner as who needs more bad sentiment?
posted by arcticseal at 7:03 PM on January 23, 2014

With vegan appetizers.

Mmm, delicious bite-sized vegans. So tasty. And cruelty-free!
posted by elizardbits at 7:07 PM on January 23, 2014

I hope they are free-range vegans.
posted by elizardbits at 7:08 PM on January 23, 2014

I just add people I like, and people who add me. Although I'm a bit behind on that, actually.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 7:15 PM on January 23, 2014

I adore the people who add me, for whatever reason they are doing it. I'm really shy about adding people unless I've met them, but I'm always interested in having a more flavourful sidebar. When folks add me, I get a bit twitterpated and feel like the edges of the world got just tiny bit more bearable.
posted by batmonkey at 7:55 PM on January 23, 2014

I added samsara, because he has the most useful malware prevention guide I've ever seen, conveniently located in his profile (thank you, samsara)
posted by invisible ink at 9:57 PM on January 23, 2014 [2 favorites]

As most other people apparently do, I add people whose posts I've enjoyed.

I would add people I've met, if I had ever met any of you IRL. But all meetups I've seen would entail a flight and a hotel room, so no. *sigh*
posted by Harald74 at 1:58 AM on January 24, 2014

MISTER THE WHELK.

His business card (printed on only the finest paper) reads simply: Mr. T. Whelk
posted by Ghidorah at 2:11 AM on January 24, 2014

Is this where I go to complain that I have my wife listed as "met spouse muse sweetheart" and she just has me listed as "met"?
posted by SpiffyRob at 8:09 AM on January 24, 2014 [5 favorites]

No, that's AskMe.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:14 AM on January 24, 2014

I mostly add people who make a comment I like and indicate that they live in my state. Because Texas can feel like a vast wasteland of stupid and it comforts me to know there are other Mefites in it.

I don't know if this is an "approved" usage, but if anyone is on my list and don't want to be, you can always tell me.
posted by emjaybee at 8:14 AM on January 24, 2014

No, no, Mr. The Whelk is his husband. Nice fella.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 8:45 AM on January 24, 2014

I only add people as a "contact" if I am actively blackmailing them in respect of their many disgusting but undiscovered crimes against humanity, or alternately, if I think they are neat.

So if you've ever received a memail from me that struck you as a little confusing, my apologies - I sometimes mix up the two categories.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:32 AM on January 24, 2014

As a result of this thread I am just cold contacting the shit out of people for inscrutable and ever-shifting reasons

's fun
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:56 AM on January 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

As a result of this thread, I reviewed my contact list to confirm that it was only people I'd met in real life/had other contact with, and found one 'prize bull octorok'. I gained a sudden empathy for the OP.

Well played, pbo.
posted by Fig at 10:43 AM on January 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

Prize bull octorok now has a place at the fancy cannibal dinner party.
posted by The Whelk at 10:56 AM on January 24, 2014

I want to be akashiyaki
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:22 AM on January 24, 2014

Favorited for the Tags.
posted by PROD_TPSL at 12:30 PM on January 24, 2014

Incidently, great enspousing notwithstanding, I find that my uptight protestant upbringing prevents me from adding anybody as anything other than a contact, because it seems a bit forward to add them as a friend if you've never met them. Anybody else suffering from that?

Yep. This would also explain the fact I have all those onesided spouses (save for the brief metamoment Ralph was actually a Mefite. Trust me, it's probably for the best that it was brief. He makes ME look leftwing.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:39 PM on January 24, 2014

(While we are at it can I task someone else to remember our group anniversary this year? Unless the thrill really is gone, in which case there goes the dinner at Chris's Steak House.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:41 PM on January 24, 2014

No, no, Mr. The Whelk is his husband. Nice fella.

He is nice! But he's Mr. The Whelk*. For purposes of remonstration, The Whelk is MISTER THE WHELK.

*And yes, I have spoken of him by exactly that name once, when speaking of him to Mr. Elsa, a.k.a. The Fella. The conversation went like this:

Elsa: [NAME] said that! I thought it was a really good point!
The Fella: [blank look]
Elsa: [NAME]'s husband.
The Fella: [blank look]
Elsa: Mr. The Whelk. The Whelk's husband. At the beer garden yesterday.
The Fella: Oh, sure!

So now my life has become a place where we're more likely to know each other by our nonsense names, which is, let's be honest, kind of wonderful.
posted by Elsa at 3:21 PM on January 24, 2014 [5 favorites]

He's actually Doctor Mister The Whelk.

Really.
posted by The Whelk at 3:57 PM on January 24, 2014 [3 favorites]

Could he possibly achieve a military rank so I can start referring to him as Doctor Mister Brigadier General The Whelk? - thanks in advance -
posted by Elsa at 4:05 PM on January 24, 2014

He's a Major Major The Whelk.
posted by Going To Maine at 4:09 PM on January 24, 2014

I would add people I've met, if I had ever met any of you IRL. But all meetups I've seen would entail a flight and a hotel room, so no. *sigh*

So next time I'm in Stavanger, I should suggest a meet? That'd only be a day's worth of train rides, right?
posted by Margalo Epps at 4:45 PM on January 24, 2014