Seeking a wedding reading found on Ask May 30, 2016 9:43 PM   Subscribe

I'm seeking a poem I found on Ask, suitable for a wedding reading, that talked about love as a series of repeated, mundane, day-to-day acts of service. Do you know the poem I've lost?

Hi all, I'm getting married on 6-11-16 (it's a palindrome) to a great guy! Very excited. It's so soon!

Sometime in the last 3 months, while researching wedding readings on Ask, I read a poem that I loved... but I cannot for the life of me find it now. Here is what I remember - do you know the poem?
* I believe it was written by a woman
* The poem was approximately 20 - 35 lines long
* It was written in verse, but I don't think it rhymed
* It talked about love as a day-to-day concept and an act, not a grand/sweeping emotion
* I believe there was a part about how love was shown when, even though you had a bad cold, and the kid wasn't sleeping/was up all night puking, and the dog got out and you had to chase it back down (etc etc), in the morning you get up and make breakfast and take out the garbage for pickup... because that is love and commitment, to a shared life

Any tips?
posted by samthemander to MetaFilter-Related at 9:43 PM (27 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

This one?
posted by Joseph Gurl at 10:53 PM on May 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


Christ, that can't be right!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 11:02 PM on May 30, 2016 [25 favorites]


oh, I don't think I gave enough detail. the love poem I'm looking for did not include a depiction of crying yourself to sleep next to your incompatible partner, or reference the "marriage-tomb," or idealize suicide as an escape from a failed marriage. The linked poem would indeed be a memorable wedding reading for the right bride & groom! ;p
posted by samthemander at 12:00 AM on May 31, 2016 [58 favorites]


It's almost certainly not this, but it's maybe not a million miles off. Maybe. Yes, I'll marry you my dear by Pam Ayres
posted by Hartster at 1:43 AM on May 31, 2016


Very long shot, but is it the Elizabeth Gilbert linked piece here?
posted by alby at 4:47 AM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


Not a poem, but I think I saw this via MF? About love/marriage being a series of mundane Wednesdays, with a partner who passes 'the traffic test,' in which you root for traffic when you're in the car together because it will give you more time to hang out.

Enjamb that baby up and you've got a wedding reading.
posted by cocoagirl at 5:40 AM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]


oh, I don't think I gave enough detail. the love poem I'm looking for did not include a depiction of crying yourself to sleep next to your incompatible partner, or reference the "marriage-tomb," or idealize suicide as an escape from a failed marriage. The linked poem would indeed be a memorable wedding reading for the right bride & groom! ;p

I don't know, OP, are you sure the poem you're thinking of isn't the Neon Wario tweet that goes: "Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering! It's a wife sentence! I can't believe she's gone"
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:49 AM on May 31, 2016 [14 favorites]


Do you remember whether the poem was linked from the comments, or reproduced in its entirety (in the comments)? That might help narrow the search.
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:05 AM on May 31, 2016


Probably not this one, either?
Definitely not this.
posted by wonton endangerment at 8:27 AM on May 31, 2016


Maybe Atlas by U.A. Fanthorpe? The poet is female and it begins, "There is a kind of love called maintenance." Almost used it in my own wedding.
posted by possibilityleft at 8:31 AM on May 31, 2016 [24 favorites]


Maybe Atlas by U.A. Fanthorpe?

Oh, that is lovely. Thank you!
posted by MonkeyToes at 8:41 AM on May 31, 2016


Cripes. Maybe it was Atlas and I imagined the detail about a kid puking? Can't be sure, but I do love that one. Holding out hope that someone else knows the poem I've lost.

I believe it was copy-pasted in full into the Ask thread, but at this point I begin to question my sanity.
posted by samthemander at 9:03 AM on May 31, 2016


chalkbored mentioned "Atlas" here, in case the post rings a bell for you.
posted by MonkeyToes at 9:53 AM on May 31, 2016


MetaTalk: at this point I begin to question my sanity.
posted by metaBugs at 10:17 AM on May 31, 2016 [9 favorites]


[cracks nuncles]

Is this close?
posted by clavdivs at 12:52 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


"How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog", from the thread clavdivs links above, seems in a similar vein.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:36 PM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]


Ooooh, I read "How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog" at a wedding last year--it got lots of laughs, and a round of applause. Terrific piece (thanks, Ask MeFi!).

Also, congratulations, samthemander!
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:57 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]


Sorry to be inside baseball but it's so much easier to love the Dog poem when you didn't go to school with its author and watch him treat women* like exactly that mammal -- I guess what I'm saying is that at times poems can be all surface charm that glibly glosses a fairly ugly reality.

But -- um you know -- happy getting married! Lots of love poems to love out there, keep looking till you find the one that makes you happy.

*NOT ME, thank Christ this is a personal but not Personal aside
posted by melissa may at 6:47 PM on May 31, 2016 [7 favorites]


[OP here]
OK, it may be a poem in my imagination alone. So be it. However, I really appreciate your help in trying to track it down. Thank you, all!

clavdis, that is indeed close, as that is the other reading we are planning to have.

joesph gurl, thanks for the giggles. :)
posted by samthemander at 9:18 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


Maybe your imagine was triggered from this quote from American Wedding?

"Jim, I had trouble finding the words to tell you how I feel. And I realized something. Love isn't just a feeling. Love is something you do. It's a dress, a visit to band camp. A special haircut. Jim, you've given me everything I ever wanted, and it is my solemn vow to give everything I am to you."

The Art of Marriage is also along the same lines.
posted by sparklemotion at 9:51 AM on June 1, 2016 [2 favorites]


Ah! This explains those favorites on an old comment :-) I should know to come looking to MetaTalk when that happens...

Congratulations on your impending nuptials!
posted by stoneweaver at 1:37 PM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]


This one?

True Love by Judith Viorst

It is true love because
I put on eyeliner and a concerto and make pungent observations about the great issues of the day
Even when there's no one here but him,
And because
I do not resent watching the Green Bay Packer
Even though I am philosophically opposed to football,
And because
When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the middle of the street,
I always hope he's dead.

It's true love because
If he said quit drinking martinis but I kept drinking them and the next morning I couldn't get out of bed,
He wouldn't tell me he told me,
And because
He is willing to wear unironed undershorts
Out of respect for the fact that I am philosophically opposed to ironing,
And because
If his mother was drowning and I was drowning and he had to choose one of us to save,
He says he'd save me.

It's true love because
When he went to San Francisco on business while I had to stay home with the painters and the exterminator and the baby who was getting the chicken pox,
He understood why I hated him,
And because
When I said that playing the stock market was juvenile and irresponsible and then the stock I wouldn't let him buy went up twenty-six points,
I understood why he hated me,

And because
Despite cigarette cough, tooth decay, acid indigestion, dandruff, and other features of married life that tend to dampen the fires of passion,
We still feel something
We can call
True love.
posted by guy72277 at 6:43 AM on June 3, 2016 [4 favorites]


Maybe don't read that last one, unless his mother is disliked by just about everyone, or she adores you, because the wedding day is not the day to discuss who the new husband should choose to save from drowning. Just saying, as a married man.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:42 AM on June 3, 2016 [5 favorites]


Who the hell irons undershorts? Good lord.
posted by koeselitz at 1:48 PM on June 3, 2016 [2 favorites]


I do like that last poem, but the reading will be done by his mother, so probably not the right fit.
posted by samthemander at 3:31 PM on June 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


You could always modify the poem, or let his mom change it, with final approval from you both. And congrats on your upcoming happy day!
posted by filthy light thief at 5:42 PM on June 3, 2016


Married!!!
posted by samthemander at 1:56 AM on June 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


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