The best of Metafilter compilation*

July 8, 2016 4:14 AM

Back in 2009 someone posted this question asking members for the posts they'd include in a Best Of Metafilter book with all the best advice from the hive mind.

But that was 7 years ago. So I'd like to ask the question again, 7 years later: Can you give me the link to the best things you've ever read here, something that actually changed your view of the world or made you a better person?

Or just anything you would consider the best, most insightful, and helpful, that Metafilter has to offer.*

*Please note this will NOT actually be a literal compilation anywhere outside of this thread.

posted by Cozybee to Etiquette/Policy at 4:14 AM (26 comments total)

From the Green: little ways to make the world a slightly better place?
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:43 AM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced.

Nthing the Emotional Labor Thread

What single book is the best introduction to your field (or specialization within your field) for laypeople?

The Mefi Wiki is a good source of compilations, with links to Metafilter posts and outside resources:
* EatMe
* Get A Lawyer
* Homeless Survival Guide
* PayMe (Personal Finance)
* ReadMe
* There is Help
* Travel Guides
* WearMe
* YouWHAT
posted by zarq at 6:58 AM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]

Previously. Similar, but from the answerers' POV. Also similar.
posted by Bruce H. at 7:02 AM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

Miko on breaking up. It's in the 2009 thread referenced in the OP, but worth repeating, judging by the 1408 favorites.
posted by Bruce H. at 7:13 AM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]

It's an old comment and I've linked to it before but this is one of my favorite comments ever. It's a perfect example of how to respond to insults and cynicism graciously. It changed my behavior both on and off line and helped make me a less cynical person.

"Assume the best in people instead of the worst, it's nicer that way."

It really is nicer.
posted by bondcliff at 7:17 AM on July 8, 2016 [6 favorites]

rumposinc on the relationship a medical professional has with their cadaver: beautifully expressed, and I think about it all the time.

mothershock on Pema Chodron and stopping obsessive/repetitive thinking: really helped me, and I still link it all the time in AskMe.
posted by gladly at 8:19 AM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

Assume good faith. If good faith is obviously not the intent then always use kid gloves when responding. And the last one I'm still trying to implement more often: Learn the difference between "this needs a response" and "this needs a response from me."

Contract with yourself to produce for yourself every day, even if it means a certain amount of evening or weekend sacrifice.

So if you want to make a very big change in your community, one that will affect everyone to the good, start looking into how emergency services work in your part of the world.

You know, if you talk to people about what they know, they will always tell you the truth.

1. Never argue with an idiot, because they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
2. Don't try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
3. Mad people? Smile and wave.
4. It's not all about me.

I try to be my own hero. That may sound flippant, but 15 years ago when I was really trying to grasp a direction for my life, a friend wise beyond his years reminded me that no one is perfect, that heroes fall and white knights on horseback are rare. Instead, he said, I should identify those qualities I found heroic and good and valuable in anyone I admired, and cultivate them in myself. "You won't always succeed," he said, "but you'll be better for trying. Losers sit and wish. Heroes try. Be your own hero."
posted by zamboni at 8:34 AM on July 8, 2016 [4 favorites]

The poop milkshake analogy is one of the more recent greatest hits.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:40 AM on July 8, 2016 [14 favorites]

I too came here to recommend Poop Milkshake! Because it's illustrates a very common problem of people justifying red-flags in such a brilliant and easy to grok way.
posted by French Fry at 9:33 AM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

The poop milkshake analogy is one of the more recent greatest hits.

I JUST THIS MORNING explained Poopshake to my coworker friend. She hasn't stopped talking about it. Every time she walks by my desk she says "the more I think about it you are SO RIGHT about my Poopshake."
posted by phunniemee at 9:46 AM on July 8, 2016 [8 favorites]

Dee_Xtrovert's posts are amazing but that thread is a shit-show. Armchair tough-guys mansplaining and arguing with a woman who survived the war/starvation of Sarajevo.

She's best of the web, but that thread is kind of the worst of Metafilter.
posted by French Fry at 9:48 AM on July 8, 2016 [7 favorites]

Eyebrows McGee's John J Harvey anecdote has everything (9/11-related for anyone who doesn't know).
posted by comealongpole at 10:18 AM on July 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

Slightly missed point of this thread there, sorry. No explicit advice involved in said anecdote, except a reminder that some things we lived through are the stuff of stories and history to others, I suppose.
posted by comealongpole at 10:21 AM on July 8, 2016

Respectfully agree to disagree
posted by Michele in California at 11:57 AM on July 8, 2016 [2 favorites]

"If you're going to be critical, you need to think harder about whether your comment is interesting, productive, and adds to the discussion."

"Do not stay in a relationship with someone to whom you feel superior."
posted by soelo at 2:38 PM on July 8, 2016

In fairness I think credit for the Poop Milkshake analogy should be given to the person who invented it, W. Kamau Bell (Scroll to about 5:00)
posted by The Gooch at 3:39 AM on July 9, 2016 [3 favorites]

In fairness I think credit for the Poop Milkshake analogy should be given to the person who invented it, W. Kamau Bell

OMG thank you! I was pretty sure I didn't produce that idea entirely on my own like Athena from the forehead of Zeus, but I absolutely could not place where I had heard it before. So yes. Credit to W. Kamau Bell in its entirety.
posted by KathrynT at 10:23 AM on July 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

uh, is there any utility in editing my original comment to give credit to Bell? or is that not a thing?
posted by KathrynT at 10:25 AM on July 9, 2016

I don't think so; it's been a long time and we generally let old comments be, let the history be what it was, even if there are errors etc. You could put a note on your profile page if you were inclined to, might be a way to handle it?
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:32 AM on July 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

Comealongpole, if a comment stuck in your head (in a positive sense) enough for you to think to link it in a metafilter compilation than that comment would fit the criteria of what I'm looking for, even if it doesn't have explicit advice...
posted by Cozybee at 4:52 AM on July 10, 2016

The ask vs guess thread; I had never realized that there were two different styles.
posted by gt2 at 6:59 AM on July 10, 2016

Pineapple, on the myth of "seeking closure" at the end of a relationship:

..."seeking closure" is usually a euphemism for "please, dumper, give me one more chance for a conversation over coffee or wine and you'll see how wonderful I am and we'll fall back in mad love again."

But in reality, the dumper provides all the "closure" he/she owes at the point where he says, "I don't want to be with you any longer."
posted by The Gooch at 4:03 PM on July 10, 2016

All of my comments...especially this one.
posted by sexyrobot at 6:25 PM on July 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

I often go back and reread this heavily favorited answer, if only to remind myself of the variance in human experience. The asker was requesting advice on how to stop judging and losing respect for her female friends who allowed men to treat them poorly. The answer brilliantly illuminates the lifelong struggle some people face who aren't lucky enough to be born and raised with a solid foundation of love and support. Highly recommended.
posted by bologna on wry at 9:49 AM on July 11, 2016

I've long thought that decathecting's analogy to explain sexual harassment is one of the best I've ever read:

Imagine, for a moment, that a significant portion of the population believed, based on your looks, that if they encountered you in public, you owed them a dollar. These people are total strangers to you, but they believe fervently that any time they see you in public, you are obligated to give them a dollar. They're willing to make polite conversation with you in the hopes that you'll willingly give them the dollar, but if you don't they're willing to follow you down the street and bug you about it until you fork it over. And if even that doesn't work, they're constantly scheming for ways to pick your pocket or steal your stuff in order to get the money that is rightfully owed to them by you and everyone who falls into the category of people like you who have spurned their dollar-seeking advances over the years....

posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:51 PM on July 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

LOTR in Limericks (content subject to change)
posted by Michele in California at 5:08 PM on July 14, 2016 [1 favorite]