Which monster would you be?

October 31, 2003 6:32 AM

If you could be a movie monster, who or what would you be?
posted by clavdivs to MetaFilter-related at 6:32 AM (96 comments total)

I suppose television, literature and the comics could fit in the criteria. HAPPY HALLOWEEN METAFILTERIANS.

I would be the Wolfman.
posted by clavdivs at 6:34 AM on October 31, 2003

That immortally seedy slob Captain Hank Quiglan from A Touch of Evil.

Here, btw, is an interesting article on Welles's influence on Hitchcock.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:45 AM on October 31, 2003

King Geedorah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by rocketman at 7:06 AM on October 31, 2003

I'd be Pumpkinhead, here to take vengeance on clavdivs on behalf of all the people who are gonna think this is an inappropriate Meta post. Maybe it is, maybe isn't. What do I know; I'm just big and red with nasty sharp claws and a swelled up head. I'm not here to question it ... I'm just here to rip your liver out.

Keep away from Pumpkinhead unless you tired of livin',
his enemies are mostly dead, he's mean and unforgivin' ...
posted by Wulfgar! at 7:09 AM on October 31, 2003

* buys clav a pina colada at Trader Vics *

Pencil me in for Edward Scissorhands.
posted by yhbc at 7:12 AM on October 31, 2003

I'd be Dorian Metatalker, a horrible, hump-backed monster contorted into permanent deformity by gazing into the mirror that protrudes from his navel.
posted by stonerose at 7:18 AM on October 31, 2003

It's a tradition, Wulfgar!

And I'd be Jack Skellington.
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:22 AM on October 31, 2003

Dr. Decker from Nightbreed. A nasty bit of business, that.
posted by UncleFes at 7:42 AM on October 31, 2003

I saw "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" for the first time in years the other night.

'Gotta go with Charlie's ghost sheet, so very abstract. The kid was an artist before his time I say, and all he got was a bag o' rocks...
posted by bluedaniel at 7:44 AM on October 31, 2003

This vampire bat
this in-human beast
she ought to be locked up
and never released
posted by widdershins at 7:49 AM on October 31, 2003

It'd be cool to be The Blob.
posted by jonmc at 7:50 AM on October 31, 2003

Jack Black. He scares me.
posted by rushmc at 7:51 AM on October 31, 2003

The horrible media behemoth Beniffer from "Gili" and the upcoming "Jersey Girl."
posted by Dr_Octavius at 7:52 AM on October 31, 2003

I would be Mecha-King-Geedorah, and kick rocketman's ASS!

Actually, I'd probably be Evil Ash.
posted by jpoulos at 8:01 AM on October 31, 2003

Jack Black. He scares me.

Really? he's my hero and role model.
posted by jonmc at 8:03 AM on October 31, 2003

mmmm....Frankenhooker...Wanna date?
posted by dejah420 at 8:08 AM on October 31, 2003

Peter Loew... 'i am a vampire! i am a vampire!'
posted by poopy at 8:15 AM on October 31, 2003

I'd be Ultraman!

It's OK to be a good guy, right?
posted by vito90 at 8:20 AM on October 31, 2003

It'd be cool to be The Blob.

Having read about your eating & drinking habits, it's a credit to your metabolism that you're not ;-)
posted by i_cola at 8:35 AM on October 31, 2003

posted by Frasermoo at 8:42 AM on October 31, 2003

posted by monju_bosatsu at 8:48 AM on October 31, 2003

If I had to be a movie monster it would be one of the zombies from 28 days later.
posted by birdherder at 8:49 AM on October 31, 2003

Hannibal the Cannibal.

And I'd eat jonmc first, then miguel, and I'd wrap yhbc in foil for a late winter stew I love to make with cabbage. Them's good eatin'.
posted by ColdChef at 8:59 AM on October 31, 2003

posted by me3dia at 9:04 AM on October 31, 2003

I would definitely be one of the zombies from Omega Man.
posted by insomnyuk at 9:16 AM on October 31, 2003

I dunno, maybe Count Chocula? Or Roy Batty.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:17 AM on October 31, 2003

Or one of those little bastards from Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Oh man.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:18 AM on October 31, 2003

homunculi! *shiver*
posted by UncleFes at 9:24 AM on October 31, 2003

I'd be Super-irrelevant-NOT-Metafilter-related-chat-Zilla, and ya know what? I'd get away with it, cos of my super-low-user-number-non-Portugese-identity power!!

Plus, it's Halloween, and as we all know, in the US all bets are off for Halloween, right?

This is America, right? Right??
posted by dash_slot- at 9:25 AM on October 31, 2003

This is America, right? Right??

No, it isn't.
posted by timeistight at 9:33 AM on October 31, 2003

joan crawford.
posted by whatnot at 9:46 AM on October 31, 2003

coldchef, I'm flattered. I think.
posted by jonmc at 9:55 AM on October 31, 2003

Really? he's my hero and role model.

Then by extension, you scare me.
posted by rushmc at 9:58 AM on October 31, 2003

Boo!
posted by jonmc at 10:00 AM on October 31, 2003

if tv counts--witchiepoo! : >

(if tv doesn't count, maybe The Fly/Jeff Goldblum version--truly horrible)

waves to jon as I eat men's pocky at my desk at work
posted by amberglow at 10:05 AM on October 31, 2003

or maybe the blob/50s version--oozily horrible
posted by amberglow at 10:08 AM on October 31, 2003

Including television, does this mean we can include the entire cast and crew of Cop Rock?
posted by bluedaniel at 10:15 AM on October 31, 2003

Vampire, no doubt in my mind. Imagine the potential for manupilating markets with immortality? I'd make Gates look like a trailer park mogul.
posted by Dean_Paxton at 10:21 AM on October 31, 2003

jonmc, you may be flattered, but I'm some weird cabbage stew. I second the "I think" part of your riposte.
posted by yhbc at 10:25 AM on October 31, 2003

I gave up being scary about a year and a half ago.
posted by konolia at 10:29 AM on October 31, 2003

Kathryn Janeway.

"Neelix! Bring me another mug of coffee and a carton of Lucky Strikes. NEELIX! NEEEEEEEEEEEEELIX! Muah hah hah haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

Sorry. Mulgrew's voice just scares the doo-wah-diddy out of me. Always has, even when she was Mrs. Columbo.
posted by WolfDaddy at 10:34 AM on October 31, 2003

Men's Pocky, you say?
posted by jonmc at 10:38 AM on October 31, 2003

haha WolfDaddy! my ex and i used to have a ball mimicking janeway saying 'pecan pie'.
posted by poopy at 10:44 AM on October 31, 2003

Lorne

But I'd rather date him.
posted by ursus_comiter at 10:57 AM on October 31, 2003

I'd be any of the Disney princesses. They scare me a lot.



posted by dness2 at 11:00 AM on October 31, 2003

They scare everyone dness2. As well they should.
posted by dejah420 at 11:08 AM on October 31, 2003

You mean to say this thread has gone almost fifty posts and nobody has said "Quonsar"?

Yer slippin', kids.
posted by briank at 11:19 AM on October 31, 2003

hester prynne! yay halloween.
posted by ifjuly at 11:25 AM on October 31, 2003

Captain Hank Quiglan

I saw 'RKO 281' the other day and was going to pick Hearst.
I remember something Burroughs wrote about Hearst and his two house rules. Always come for dinner and do not talk about death. Why Death?, because Hearst was playing death and that gave him 'power' over others. As Burroughs wrote. " Someone comes down to dinner in a skeleton suit, the old man could lose his position".

Quonsar is Orson Welles heading east in a black vehicle, a fat sack of burgers wrapped in faded hand written mapquest directions with no color lines cause his magenta went dry.
He will not be armed but he could be dangerous if you poke him with a hockey stick or wear a Bush mask and startle him.
I say this with no inside knowledge and will restart my copy of "The Thing", prepare the Halloween preparations and decide what happens to this goat.

my secret dress up choice?
without a doubt he would make a great addition to any halloween gig.

Oh master?!
Oh and...

Happy Halloween
posted by clavdivs at 11:43 AM on October 31, 2003

Sorry clav, but O'Herlihy's got nothin' on Angus Scrimm!

"BOY!!!!!"
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:47 AM on October 31, 2003

Because I've always wanted to flatten Tokyo.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:57 AM on October 31, 2003

More than 30 years after his death, Buster Keaton returns to Muskegon each fall.

spends winters here
posted by clavdivs at 12:43 PM on October 31, 2003

I would be a Republican.
posted by xmutex at 12:52 PM on October 31, 2003

Because I've always wanted to flatten Tokyo.
posted by mr_crash_davis

You're gonna have to go through me, big boy...
posted by vito90 at 12:54 PM on October 31, 2003

As soon as I can find a chainsaw to cut off my legs so I can fit into the costume I'm going as a Critter. It will be extremely horrifying. I'm sure all the "traveling by rolling like a giant ball" bit will make me dizzy after a while.

The other option was a giant insect alien from Five Million Years to Earth, but that costume was taking too long to create. Better to saw my legs off.
posted by batgrlHG at 1:08 PM on October 31, 2003

Count Floyd, from SCTV.

Wasn't that SCAAARY?!!!
posted by sharpener at 1:13 PM on October 31, 2003

homunculi! *shiver*

Boo!
posted by homunculus at 1:14 PM on October 31, 2003

A touch screen voting machine! Bwah ha ha ha ha!
posted by homunculus at 1:20 PM on October 31, 2003

homunculus wins! ; >
posted by amberglow at 1:24 PM on October 31, 2003

I'd probably be a big scaly thing à la Godzilla with a classic name like DE-STRUK-TORR. But on the weekends I'd call myself "Shekky" and I'd do a stand-up routine. 'Cuz I wouldn't want everyone to hate me.

(Actually, like clavdivs, my totem has always been the Wolfman.)
posted by Shane at 2:03 PM on October 31, 2003

(Now that I think of it, I might have stolen that last comment from an Arthur Adams/Art Clokey Gumby comic. But just the "call me Shecky" part, I think. Sorry.)
posted by Shane at 2:09 PM on October 31, 2003

I wish everyone would keep their grubby paws off my totem. At least clean your fingernails first.
posted by WolfDaddy at 2:17 PM on October 31, 2003

At least clean your fingernails first.
why? is it a red-hanky totem?
posted by amberglow at 2:25 PM on October 31, 2003

or


posted by hama7 at 2:27 PM on October 31, 2003

hama : > (and poor sigmund--he was so misunderstood)
posted by amberglow at 3:10 PM on October 31, 2003

posted by moonbird at 3:24 PM on October 31, 2003

Christine.
posted by liam at 3:29 PM on October 31, 2003

Michael Jackson.
posted by Hackworth at 4:01 PM on October 31, 2003

I would be George C. Scott's character from 12 Angry Men, because he is a terrifying reminder of the flaws in our justice system! God, I have goosebumps just thinking about it!
posted by Hildago at 4:38 PM on October 31, 2003

posted by y2karl at 4:47 PM on October 31, 2003

One of them...now HUSH!
posted by filmgoerjuan at 6:00 PM on October 31, 2003

Who ever heard of a friendly seamonster
Lovin and laughin his life away?
posted by hama7 at 6:34 PM on October 31, 2003

Boo!
posted by languagehat at 6:58 PM on October 31, 2003

Wow. I can't believe nobody wants to Imohtep from the Mummy films. Or Agent Smith! Yeah.

Or maybe one of those creepy aliens from Dark City.
posted by weston at 7:44 PM on October 31, 2003

Clav, are we allowed rethinks?



I'd prefer to be either one of the two scariest-ever characters from Robert Aldrich's brilliantly unsettling Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? The story of what happened between Bette Davis and Jane Crawford on the set is just as scary, but I can't find a fuller version of it online.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:21 PM on October 31, 2003

er, Joan Crawford, I didst mean.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:23 PM on October 31, 2003

NIXON (CONT'D)
When they look at you, they see what
they want to be.
(then)
When they look at me, they see what
they are ...


Clav: Sir, Miguel can change his choice right?"

Nixon: "Who is it?"

Clav: "Bette Davis sir"

Nixon: "ah, ah, aow right, you ah, put through for me"
posted by clavdivs at 8:31 PM on October 31, 2003

hama: psst

and miguel--no thanks for the nightmares coming up tonight
"I've written, a letter, to daddy...."
posted by amberglow at 9:08 PM on October 31, 2003

Amberglow - please hold me tight! I know you're gay and I'm not (yet, anyway) but circumstances dictate! Our reputations be damned! :)

I've written a letter to Daddy
His address is Heaven Above
I've written dear Daddy we miss you
And wish you were with us to love!

Instead of a stamp I've put kisses
The postman said that's best to do
I've written a letter to Daddy
Saying I...love...YOU!

Now when I'm very good, and do as I am told
I'm mama's little angel and daddy says I'm good as gold
And when I'm naughty and answer back and sass
I'm mama's little devil, and daddy says I've got the brass.

Oh I wish that you could tell me,
Cos I'm much too young to know......

(Bette catches sight of her aging visage in the mirror) SCREAMS!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:58 PM on October 31, 2003

you trying to kill me miguel? everythng about that movie creeps me out...even the campy, funny parts ("but you are blanche! you are!") here's a synopsis for anyone who doesn't know it.

and this is interesting too...
posted by amberglow at 10:19 PM on October 31, 2003

Gozer the Gozerian. Of course I would come in one of the prechosen forms.
posted by will at 12:19 AM on November 1, 2003

I'd be a pirate ghost, but on closer inspection, I'd actually be a trick accomplished with flour, black light and some cleverly-placed mirrors, the discovery of which will scuttle my plans to buy the old orphanage. And I would have got away with it too, if not for you meddling kids.

Or, I could be a classic giant robo-terror with a name like DE-CON-STRUK-TOR! And as I'd destroy cities, I'd make comments like, "The neo-poststructural modalities implied in this building's use of geometry fail to obscure the fact that superficial echoes of 1930's era Modernism, though intended as pseudo-nostaligic subliminal romanticism, actually serve to reinforce the dominant dialectical material/technognollicism of the military-industrial-patriarchal complex. SMASH!!!!"
posted by arto at 12:57 AM on November 1, 2003

i'd like to be the hulk because i enjoy jumping and breaking things. to do it on the same scale he's able to would be super thrilling.
posted by t r a c y at 5:40 AM on November 1, 2003

Oh yeah. I'd be the Monty Python bunny.
posted by konolia at 5:47 AM on November 1, 2003

Gee thanks, Miguel. Just the ADS for that Baby Jane movie used to scare the crap outta me as a child.
posted by konolia at 5:56 AM on November 1, 2003

I can't believe nobody mentioned Bela Lugosi

anyway, all due respect to mr Lugosi, I'd like to be a werewolf
the Lon Chaney jr version, of course ...

btw I recently met
posted by matteo at 6:09 AM on November 1, 2003

Bela Lugosi's son bought my grandparents' used Toyota. True story.
posted by macadamiaranch at 7:02 AM on November 1, 2003

*instantly imagines deep, sinister, echoing and foreign-sounding voice saying "Home..I have no home! Hunted! Despised! Living like an animal! The Toyota is my home now."*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:14 AM on November 1, 2003

the heartbreak of psoriasis
posted by quonsar at 2:23 PM on November 1, 2003

"Zagreus waits at the end of the world
for Zagreus is the end of the world.
His time is the end of time,
and his moment time's undoing.

Zagreus sits inside your head,
Zagreus lives among the dead.
Zagreus sees you in your bed,
and eats you when you're sleeping.

Zagreus at the end of days.
Zagreus lies all other ways.
Zagreus comes when times amaze.
And all of history is weeping."
posted by feelinglistless at 2:55 PM on November 1, 2003

Karl Rove.
posted by LouReedsSon at 8:24 PM on November 1, 2003

I'd be Lacan.

And because I doubt anybody is reading this thread any longer, it being a couple days past Halloween and all, this comment can just sort of sit and stew in the unconscious of MeTa... and we'll see what happens when it's throroughly cooked.
posted by jokeefe at 1:15 PM on November 2, 2003

the philosopher? why's he a monster? the phallus thing?
posted by amberglow at 1:54 PM on November 2, 2003

mmm... stewed Lacan...
posted by languagehat at 4:24 PM on November 2, 2003

homunculus wins! ; >

No, Cathy wins.
posted by homunculus at 10:53 AM on November 3, 2003

joe
im still cleaning up the goat at deans.
halloween is but once a year (sigh)

Lucan is interesting costume

(puts on pot of coffee)
posted by clavdivs at 12:52 PM on November 3, 2003