how come people are always asking questions "for a friend"?

January 24, 2006 5:22 AM

Ok, here's a question about AskMeFi questions: how come people are always asking questions "for a friend"? Is it that they are REALLY asking for themselves and pretending to ask on behalf of someone else? Or are people really that helpful? Am I a total jerk for thinking that if one of my friends wanted to post a question to AskMeFi I would tell them to create their own account, it's $5 for pete's sake? What piece of the puzzle am I missing here?!?
posted by elisabeth r to MetaFilter-Related at 5:22 AM (54 comments total)

Why does it matter? I don't think it's productive to get wound up over who the questioner is.
posted by selfnoise at 5:28 AM on January 24, 2006

This comment is from a friend who doesn't want to spend $5.
posted by blue mustard at 5:53 AM on January 24, 2006

I have no friends, so I had to pony up for myself.
posted by NinjaPirate at 5:56 AM on January 24, 2006

I don't think someone would specifically ask their friend to post a comment to AskMe, but if someone knows their friend has a problem and they want to help them, they might think of posting the question on their own, in order to get advice/information they can use to help their friend.
posted by leapingsheep at 6:06 AM on January 24, 2006

Am I a total jerk for thinking that if one of my friends wanted to post a question to AskMeFi I would tell them to create their own account, it's $5 for pete's sake?

Yeah, frankly that does sound like the attitude of a jerk, since you ask. What do you do when one of your friends asks you to pass the salt—tell them to hire a maid?
posted by languagehat at 6:08 AM on January 24, 2006

Sorry, but this is a dumb use of Metatalk. Can you really not figure this out? My last AskMe question was posted "for a friend;" he doesn't have internet access.

Am I a total jerk for thinking that if one of my friends wanted to post a question to AskMeFi I would tell them to create their own account

Yes.
posted by mediareport at 6:10 AM on January 24, 2006

I asked my friend and she said to tell you that this is a dumb quasi-callout.
posted by rxrfrx at 6:12 AM on January 24, 2006

I have friends who don't use Metafilter. Some of them have been known to have questions. If one of them asked me, and I thought AskMe was the right place, I would post it for them.

Also, back when I had a car, I would sometimes give rides to my friends who didn't, instead of asking them to spring for $5 for a taxi rides. Also, when I have friends over for dinner, I offer them food that I have purchased and prepared, instead of insisting that, if they want to eat something, they can damn well can order takeout.

I guess I am just crazy generous, and some day, it will be the ruin of me.
posted by yankeefog at 6:18 AM on January 24, 2006

Or are people really that helpful?

Yes, I think that they are. If someone you know is puzzling over something or needed to know something important, and you knew of this great place to ask, wouldn't you ask for them? Or would you tell your friend/relative/whatever to spend 5.00 so that they could ask themselves? See, that would never even occur to me. Odd.

You're obviously a helpful person, since you've posted a lot of answers to AskMe, so I'm not sure why you find it so hard to believe that others are helpful as well.
posted by iconomy at 6:22 AM on January 24, 2006

Where is this coming from? Why would either of those scenarios (pretending to ask for a friend or actually asking for a friend) be a problem?
posted by Gator at 6:24 AM on January 24, 2006

Am I a total jerk for thinking that if one of my friends wanted to post a question to AskMeFi I would tell them to create their own account, it's $5 for pete's sake?

Well, I might if I had already used my question for the week. Otherwise, why not post it for a friend?
posted by grouse at 6:33 AM on January 24, 2006

I've asked questions for a friend and for my brother. It is about being helpful -- and it's also about showing off a bit, saying, "Well, I have a really cool resource we can ask, and I bet you I'll have a good answer in two hours."

Why do I not encourage them to get a $5 account? Well, I take the community seriously. The quality of the participation here matters. If we had oodles of people logging on to ask one question and then never being seen again, I think AskMe would be less interesting.

What has happened instead is that my friends pick up on the frequency with which I say "I learned it on MeFi" or "I got the answer from AskMe", and start poking around on their own. I've got a couple on the verge of joining. Others aren't interested. And I think that's perfect -- it becomes a self-selecting group of participants, which helps reinforce the quality.
posted by Miko at 7:01 AM on January 24, 2006

look, this friend of mine got this really nasty UTI. how does he tell his wife now?
posted by PenguinBukkake at 7:02 AM on January 24, 2006

and by the way, can I crash on somebody's couch for the night? maybe two?
posted by PenguinBukkake at 7:03 AM on January 24, 2006

I have friends who don't use Metafilter. Some of them have been known to have questions. If one of them asked me, and I thought AskMe was the right place, I would post it for them.

Ditto. Not everyone falls in love with a particular site like I do. Some people don't even use the Internet that much.
posted by JanetLand at 7:05 AM on January 24, 2006

back when I had a car, I would sometimes give rides to my friends who didn't, instead of asking them to spring for $5 for a taxi rides.

Give someone a lift, and they ride once. Teach them to build a car, and they ride for life.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:07 AM on January 24, 2006

Run them over with a car and they never bother you again.
posted by jonmc at 7:08 AM on January 24, 2006

Some people don't even use the Internet that much.

UNPOSSIBLE!!!one!

also, JANETLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Stynxno at 7:17 AM on January 24, 2006

Why should it matter who one is asking the question for? Is there anything wrong with "Indira Gandhi appeared to me in a vision and told me to ask why Golda Meir gets better post-death press"?
posted by davy at 7:23 AM on January 24, 2006

When do we get to see elephant pictures?
posted by caddis at 7:26 AM on January 24, 2006

JanetLand: "Some people don't even use the Internet that much."

And yet, you call them "friends"?
posted by Plutor at 7:31 AM on January 24, 2006

My friend wants to know how the heck we're going to get a good flameout from this thread?
posted by blue_beetle at 7:35 AM on January 24, 2006

posted by iconomy at 7:36 AM on January 24, 2006

Old and busted: Elephant butts. New hotness: giraffe butts.
posted by Gator at 7:39 AM on January 24, 2006

Hey jerk-face, what business is it of yours who the question comes from? They could all be anonymous for al I care, and since I don't really know any of you they more or less are.
posted by furtive at 7:41 AM on January 24, 2006

I posted a question for a friend. (No, not for a friend wink wink nudge nudge, but for an actual friend).

In this case, I don't think it was so much a matter of the friend not wanting to pay the 5 bucks. There were probably several factors, but one was, I'm pretty sure, her feeling that she didn't know the site and/or the community very well. She wouldn't know the proper etiquette for such things, wouldn't know where the lines were. And in this case, it was an extremely personal question. For her, it would have been like walking into a room full of strangers and asking them to recommend a a good sexual position.
posted by Clay201 at 7:41 AM on January 24, 2006

doggie style.

we are a very friendly community
posted by jonmc at 7:42 AM on January 24, 2006

Maybe the friend has no idea WTF AskMeFi is, or MeFi for the matter, and the AskMeFi poster thought "hey I can help my friend", and posted it "for the friend" but not to the knowledge of the friend..

Or maybe the poster said "hey, friend, I have this great resource that might help you, want me to post a question?" and the friend said "yes".


In summation:

1) There are legitimate reasons for "for a friend" posts.

2) Yes, you have the attitude of a jerk.
posted by twiggy at 7:42 AM on January 24, 2006

I've asked two questions for two different friends. Is it the language "for a friend" that's bothering you? You wouldn't know if they omitted it, so what's the problem?
posted by agregoli at 7:48 AM on January 24, 2006

I think this was a case of "bored at 2:30 in the morning and staring at Metafilter without anything to post"-itis.
posted by mediareport at 7:59 AM on January 24, 2006

Am I a total jerk for thinking that if one of my friends wanted to post a question to AskMeFi I would tell them to create their own account.

Yes? Is there any other possible answer?

I've posted questions for friends a couple of times before. What do I care? These people really needed help, and I had a way to get help for them. Just computer stuff both times. If I really wanted to post some sort of sensitive question, I wouldn't pretend it was for a friend, I'd post anonymously.
posted by jdroth at 7:59 AM on January 24, 2006

Did someone say doggie style?

And I thank elisabeth r for asking this question. I've often wondered how many "for a friend" queries are euphemistic, but was too afraid to ask (with good cause apparently).
posted by If I Had An Anus at 8:01 AM on January 24, 2006

Your Offer of Gum Seems Rather Disingenuous
posted by leapingsheep at 8:02 AM on January 24, 2006

They might not want to wait a week to post. The friend might be a Luddite and not use the web(gasp!). On preview, They might not want to see the lovely giraffe butts.
posted by theora55 at 8:04 AM on January 24, 2006

Why does Stephen Colbert hate bears so much?
posted by The Jesse Helms at 8:07 AM on January 24, 2006

Do we really want to encourage all these anonymous, problem-laden friends to join MetaFilter? I prefer the proxy method...
posted by daveleck at 8:10 AM on January 24, 2006

I've often wondered how many "for a friend" queries are euphemistic, but was too afraid to ask (with good cause apparently).

All right, you got me. I posted on my own behalf. I just didn't want everyone to know that I was taking trips to Vancouver and Houston and that I was looking for a specific poem about Auschwitz. Because I'm shy and retiring that way.
posted by orange swan at 8:13 AM on January 24, 2006

It is about being helpful -- and it's also about showing off a bit, saying, "Well, I have a really cool resource we can ask, and I bet you I'll have a good answer in two hours." - Miko

Yeah, that too.

I'm sure there are a coupel that are euphanistic, but I bet a lot of them really ARE for a friend. (Like on of mine saying I think my friend is about to get swindled. It really was a friend I was worried about)
posted by raedyn at 8:23 AM on January 24, 2006

Actualy I did just tell a friend to register for metafilter, not because I didn't want to ask a question for him, but because I thought he could get lots of questions about his bussness answered.

There are ton of questions I don't ask, just because I don't want to 'lose' my question rights if something else comes up. So I end up just not asking questions.
posted by delmoi at 8:45 AM on January 24, 2006

Your friend, who doesn't read AskMe, may not be ready to believe that it's as useful as it is. But you can show her for no additional cost to yourself, and less trouble than it would be for her. Not so strange really.
posted by Aknaton at 8:54 AM on January 24, 2006

I recall that I asked on behalf of a friend at least once, and I think maybe twice. But really, it seems like such a minor bit of 'helpfulness' that I'm unmotivated to check to see how many times I've done it.

And really -- askMe isn't worth $5 to most people, even if they might find it kind of useful. The last time I asked for a friend, she found a better answer on her own. So it would have been a waste of $5. (I did learn a few things myself, though, through the process of helping her.)
posted by lodurr at 8:59 AM on January 24, 2006

My friend doesn't believe that I'm right all the time, so I have to post his problems here to prove it.
posted by unknowncommand at 9:27 AM on January 24, 2006

What piece of the puzzle am I missing here?!?

That there are more important things in the world.
posted by anonpeon at 9:30 AM on January 24, 2006

The moral of this story is never to ask the grey if you're a jerk.
posted by grouse at 9:48 AM on January 24, 2006

Give someone a lift, and they ride once. Teach them to build a car, and they ride for life.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 10:07 AM EST on January 24

Run them over with a car and they never bother you again.
posted by jonmc at 10:08 AM EST on January 24

And that, kiddies, is what MetaTalk is for. That right there. (But if you can't do it right, don't try it.)

Thanks, guys, for making my day.
posted by languagehat at 10:45 AM on January 24, 2006

I'd have liked it better if there were one in between that said soemthing like: "... (And put the children of several divorce lawyers through college in the process.)" But then I'm demanding of my comedy. I want gold, dammit, not silver.
posted by lodurr at 10:54 AM on January 24, 2006

JanetLand writes "Some people don't even use the Internet that much."

Or even have internet access.

Plus the $5 buck fee is a hurdle that may not be worth the effort. First it is US$5 so people who don't maintain US dollar bank accounts have to mess with the conversion. Second you have to use PayPal to pay the $5; something not everyone has or wishes to have. And third US$5 is a significant amount of money for many people.
posted by Mitheral at 10:57 AM on January 24, 2006

If any of my so-called friends even try to ask me a question, I slap 'em. Buy a freakin' encyclopedia, ya cheapskate!
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:39 AM on January 24, 2006

I don't people are "always" asking questions for a friend, but I think the main reason is that if I asked a question on behalf of a friend and someone asked me a clarifying or otherwise question, I'd have to explain that I'm not the one with the question, so I may as well get that out of the way. It also would explain why the person might have a delay in responding to the answers, or why in follow-ups in the question why the questioner has no idea what they're talking about.
posted by apple scruff at 12:45 PM on January 24, 2006

grouse: "The moral of this story is never to ask the grey if you're a jerk."

My friend wants me to say that elisabeth is a huge jerk.
posted by Plutor at 5:31 PM on January 24, 2006

The moral of this story is never to ask the grey if you're a jerk.

So I have this friend who wants to know if he's a jerk....
posted by pompomtom at 6:59 PM on January 24, 2006

Plutor: My friend wants me to say that elisabeth is a huge jerk.

How dare you insult the Queen like that.
posted by lodurr at 7:35 PM on January 24, 2006

Aha! So we've sussed out that elizabeth r is actually "Elizabeth Regina"?

It tickles me no end to imagine the queen reading Metafilter, and wondering to herself, "what is the deal with these 'asking for a friend questions', it's $5 for pete's sake!"
posted by taz at 6:35 AM on January 25, 2006

I have a friend who wants to know if any of you have lives.
posted by craniac at 6:59 AM on January 25, 2006