January 29, 2006

7:27 PM

Do we really need a post about the longest poop? 'Cause it seems in incredibly poor taste. Yes, the article was read. Yes, the point was taken. But jeez!!! (And no, I don't care about the lack of NSFW, as it's pretty obvious from the title)
posted by Brandon Blatcher to etiquette/policy at 7:27 PM (70 comments total)

poop envy.
posted by null terminated at 7:29 PM on January 29, 2006

Do you have some sort of modesty or disgust with your own bodily habits? Do you wince when you have to turn around to flush? Lighten up, dude!
posted by cellphone at 7:30 PM on January 29, 2006

if only there was some sort of flagging system, where one could register ones discontent with a post without having to go to MetaTalk... sigh...
posted by jonson at 7:32 PM on January 29, 2006

I'd say we need a post about the longest dookie much more than we need another post on how much Bush suxs. Besides, do you really need to CLICK on a post about the longest shit if you don't like to read about shit? This isn't church. Or Sunday dinner at the Waltons.
posted by spicynuts at 7:38 PM on January 29, 2006

wwmjjjd?
posted by crunchland at 7:48 PM on January 29, 2006

The MeFite who couldn't stop.
posted by homunculus at 7:49 PM on January 29, 2006

Brandon Blatcher, just take a deep breath and ponder what you are writing about, using this medium teh internet and then ask yourself, "In the scheme of things, does this shit really matter to my world?"
posted by alteredcarbon at 7:53 PM on January 29, 2006

That's not a panda.
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:56 PM on January 29, 2006

The fake turd doesn't bother me half as much as the "Art" tag.
posted by lobstah at 8:01 PM on January 29, 2006

I'd say we need a post about the longest dookie much more than we need another post on how much Bush suxs.

Hear hear hear!
(He does sux, btw. Am I conjugating correctly?)
posted by Aknaton at 8:02 PM on January 29, 2006

I stand corrected...fff did Not use the "Art" tag...thank you.
posted by lobstah at 8:11 PM on January 29, 2006

knittedpoopcozy
posted by hortense at 8:15 PM on January 29, 2006

Odd, I figured the Post Police would have been all over this one like flies on shit.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:22 PM on January 29, 2006

on top of it all, it's fake poop. I could buy a buncha rubber turds and lay em on a bowling alley, too. I'm not impressed and I ain't just talkin' shit.
posted by jonmc at 8:24 PM on January 29, 2006

Lodurr, is that you?
posted by Rothko at 8:28 PM on January 29, 2006

My poops are bigger than jonmc's.
posted by loquacious at 8:36 PM on January 29, 2006

jonmc: I could...

But you didn't.
That's what makes it ahhht, dahhhling.

There's a quote along those lines, but damned if I can remember it or who said it. I'd be double-damned if I believed it, anyway.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:40 PM on January 29, 2006

Cyberspace meets fiberspace.
posted by Rothko at 8:43 PM on January 29, 2006

I'd like to see jonmc try that rubber shit thing on League Night !
posted by lobstah at 8:45 PM on January 29, 2006

Do we really need a post about...

Yes, fuck you. As long as people like you are around to prescribe boundaries on what we REALLY NEED, you're goddamn right we need every moment of off-color joy we can get.

I hate the tyranny of "what we really need." Every time someone gets a bug up their ass about something they don't like, they feel as if they can make an argument for its destruction just by asking "do we really need this?" as if MetaFilter were some kind of utility pumping heat into our houses, oxygen into our lungs.

We don't really need MetaFilter at all, friend. But have you heard the news? Unless you're living in a broke-dick landscape of bleak, utilitarian horror, the world is going to throw stuff at you, like scatalogical humor, which you don't "really need" but which makes it all a little more interesting.

If someone can get a cheap laugh and the tone of the place can be kept street-level and unpretentious, it's all to the good. Stop prancing about demanding only the haughtiest of references, only the most "needed" of links.

It's life. It's messy. It's fun. Get into it or get the fuck out of the way.
posted by scarabic at 8:54 PM on January 29, 2006

Don't bring this shit to MeTa.
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 8:55 PM on January 29, 2006

Do we really need a post about the longest poop?

Yes.

And besides, at a certain length, shit loses it's gross value, and becomes an object of morbid curiosity alone.
posted by delmoi at 8:55 PM on January 29, 2006

That link, sadly, fits the definition of best of the web. Interesting and different stuff just gets drowned out these days among all the commerce and politics, and most of what is interesting has already been done, leaving us with ... poop.
posted by caddis at 9:03 PM on January 29, 2006

This just proves my friend's theory that any conversation left unchecked will eventually discuss poop.
posted by loquacious at 9:05 PM on January 29, 2006

He did it to piss you off.

You lose.
posted by LarryC at 9:11 PM on January 29, 2006

I thought that post was about the loongest pop.
posted by Falconetti at 9:28 PM on January 29, 2006

If I could take all of scarabic's post, and rewrite it in a nicer, friendlier way, I would.

Instead, all I can say is:

what scarabic said.. without all the "fuck you" stuff in it.

If you don't like the post, flag it. If you clicked on something called "the longest poop" and expected it to be work safe, you are bad at the internets.
posted by twiggy at 9:28 PM on January 29, 2006

I would probably have left out the "fuck you" stuff if it hadn't been my ninth diatribe on the same subject. People just love that "do we really need X?" format for censoring that which puts a twist in their knickers and they keep on coming back for more. For god's sake, do your homework and make an argument for or against. Don't just raise your hands to heaven and cry "Sheesh. Is this what we've come to?" What? Is what what we've come to? There's no default sense of morality or taste, so make your case in a substantive way or move on.
posted by scarabic at 9:38 PM on January 29, 2006

Well, at least it was done in Metatalk. Usually people like this take a big poop within the thread.
posted by Rothko at 9:51 PM on January 29, 2006

I'm always keen on a good poop story once in a while. I totally clicked through to the MeFi thread before even reading this one.

The fact that she calls herself an artist for creating such a timeless work of breathtaking importance makes it all the funnier.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:00 PM on January 29, 2006

*goes to the can to summon the muse*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:00 PM on January 29, 2006

This callout sucks a huge curly cigar.
posted by exlotuseater at 10:16 PM on January 29, 2006

And besides, at a certain length, shit loses it's gross value, and becomes an object of morbid curiosity alone.

And what length would that be, opbjectively? I mean, how many feet?
posted by arcticwoman at 10:26 PM on January 29, 2006

metafilter has officially jumped the shark into blortville.
posted by quonsar at 10:37 PM on January 29, 2006

does anyone else hit ctrl-f, then type mathowie instantly after clicking on any Metatalk post?
posted by matkline at 10:38 PM on January 29, 2006

We're all Blortoslavians now.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:40 PM on January 29, 2006

Ich bin ein Blortoner.
posted by fandango_matt at 11:04 PM on January 29, 2006

This call-out is such a waste. It's offal.
posted by MrZero at 11:05 PM on January 29, 2006

We're all adult here, right? That means we can deal with a little bit of poop, right?
posted by brundlefly at 11:13 PM on January 29, 2006

Ich bin ein Blortoner

My laugh for the day.
posted by dgaicun at 11:38 PM on January 29, 2006

Well, there you go!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:53 AM on January 30, 2006

Dude, I didn't want to see or read anything about a long poop, so, hey, guess what, I didn't. You might try the whole concept of not clicking that which does not interest you. (I still reserve the right to trash lame newsfilter though.)
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:00 AM on January 30, 2006

fandango_matt writes "Ich bin ein Blortoner."

That's amazing. Great response time! *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
posted by moonbird at 5:45 AM on January 30, 2006

Aw, thanky. Here's hoping it becomes someone's avatar.
posted by fandango_matt at 5:52 AM on January 30, 2006

Real Blortoner's know what fandango_matt really mean and no one thought he was saying we are all a bunch of shits. Just for the record.

And what caddis said. I've no interest in this post but it comes closer to "best of the web", sadly, than most newsfilter posts do.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 6:51 AM on January 30, 2006

Agreed. To those who cry, "Does MetaFilter really need posts about X," I would suggest taking a trip through the archives. Specifically, the 1999 archives, when it was mostly just Matt posting a link or two every day or so. Not that I'm pining for the fabled Good Old Days or anything, but just, y'know, look at the kind of links that this site was built upon.
posted by Gator at 6:57 AM on January 30, 2006

And besides, at a certain length, shit loses it's gross value, and becomes an object of morbid curiosity alone.

I had a floor mate in college who proved this on a regular basis. He was like 5'7", tops, and he'd regularly leave his evidence unflushed and, to be perfectly honest, I would have as well. It was like the Reptile Room at the zoo, this frightening python, coil upon coil, waiting to strike the next unssupecting bum.

Well, not exactly like the zoo, but if you streaked the zoo.
posted by yerfatma at 7:53 AM on January 30, 2006

Ich bin ein Blortoner.
I am a cream filled pastry called Blortoner?

Also, what scarabic said. Go lifehack yourself a pair of untwistable panties with a multitool and wire coat-hanger and let the artistic poop posting be.
posted by boo_radley at 9:29 AM on January 30, 2006

NOT SAFE FOR BOB
posted by jenovus at 9:40 AM on January 30, 2006

I would have posted earlier, but I was dropping the kids off at the pool.
posted by brain_drain at 11:11 AM on January 30, 2006

Do we really need Albanians? 'Cause I don't really like any of the ones I know. Yes, they're a many -splendored people. Yes, they're better than Macedonians. But jeez! (I don't really care that they're just a couple letters off from Elbownians, because that's clear just by looking at them).
posted by klangklangston at 12:26 PM on January 30, 2006

I'd be more in favor of this FPP if poop had anything at all to do with my daily life.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:35 PM on January 30, 2006

The previous brings to mind the appropriate comment from "If I had an Anus". Sigh.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 12:55 PM on January 30, 2006

at least someone gives a shit.
posted by the aloha at 1:02 PM on January 30, 2006

And: scene.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:20 PM on January 30, 2006

I think Brandon just trolled the shit outta y'all.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:23 PM on January 30, 2006

Well, something's trailing behind me.
posted by yerfatma at 4:16 PM on January 30, 2006

Do we really need a post about the longest poop?Do we really need a post about the longest poop?

What we need is to unclench.
posted by c13 at 5:04 PM on January 30, 2006

I think Brandon just trolled the shit outta y'all.

Nope. My uptight ass was just thoroughly grossed out and felt the need to project my point of view on the world, 'cause everyone thinks like me, right?

Thankfully, I've been humbled, realized how silly it wasand chilled out a bit. Though I'm still not turning on the lights when going to the bathroom.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:36 PM on January 30, 2006

Welcome to the Internets, Brandon!

!! WARNING WARNING !!

Do not click any link labeled "goatsex" or "goat.cx" or variations of such.

!! WARNING WARNING !!

Seriously. And don't look at TubGirl, either. It will destroy your brain.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:56 PM on January 30, 2006

no, we don't need it, but we also don't need you. We have lots of things we don't need, you efficiency expert, you.
posted by shmegegge at 6:05 PM on January 30, 2006

but we also don't need you

You're going to feel damn silly saying htat once the aliens reveal themselves.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:41 PM on January 30, 2006

You're the one that didn't want to read about them. I suppose you thought aliens were going to be cute and green, not a twenty-six foot rope of brown.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:24 PM on January 30, 2006

posted by Brandon Blatcher Though I'm still not turning on the lights when going to the bathroom.

So you're the one who's been peeing all over the seat!
posted by fandango_matt at 9:38 PM on January 30, 2006

posted by five fresh fish I suppose you thought aliens were going to be cute and green, not a twenty-six foot rope of brown.

"Poopa poopa, Solo?"
posted by fandango_matt at 9:42 PM on January 30, 2006

Well, it's better than most of the crap on the front page these days.
posted by dg at 1:22 AM on January 31, 2006

Greedo pooped first.
posted by yerfatma at 7:50 AM on January 31, 2006

HAN SHAT FIRST!
posted by fandango_matt at 9:04 AM on January 31, 2006

NOT SAFE FOR BOB

Why, I happened to LOVE the post!

But thanks for the thought...
posted by BobFrapples at 9:39 AM on January 31, 2006

posted by c13 What we need is to unclench.

I shudder to think of the world records that would be broken if certain MeFites were all to simultaneously unclench.
posted by fandango_matt at 12:18 PM on January 31, 2006