Cortex followed us home. Can we keep him? March 7, 2007 9:17 PM   Subscribe

Cortex has been a great mod so far. I motion that he be granted perma-mod status. Can I get a second?
posted by klangklangston to Feature Requests at 9:17 PM (180 comments total)

I know that it may be a little premature, and that I am arguably taunting the parliamentarians, inciting "point of order" comments.
posted by klangklangston at 9:18 PM on March 7, 2007


You're out of order.
posted by Dave Faris at 9:19 PM on March 7, 2007


You had me at "Cortex".
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:27 PM on March 7, 2007


You had me at "Cortex".

I second this!
posted by inconsequentialist at 9:28 PM on March 7, 2007


I also vote "Yea"

We get to vote, right?
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 9:29 PM on March 7, 2007


Well, it's up to Matt, really, to decide. I lean towards fewer mods and more of the ol' community self-policing and public shaming and butt-paddling and rotten fruit throwing, being the anti-authoritarian crank that I am, but if there's a need, I guess there's a need.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:30 PM on March 7, 2007


Oh Jesus. I'm going to have to move back to LA if I want to keep seeing the sun.

Err, I mean, ok, sure. He's ok. Mainly because I think I know where he lives. Sweet Christ that looming head and towering popularity, though, it'll only be our own doom and undoing! Cue vh1 special
posted by loquacious at 9:30 PM on March 7, 2007


Which is not to say that cortex hasn't done a fine job, of course.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:30 PM on March 7, 2007


You're all assuming it's not a foregone conclusion. Neither Matt nor Cortex confirmed that it was a temporary thing, did they?
posted by Dave Faris at 9:33 PM on March 7, 2007


Fine job sure. But I dont think you get perma-mod until you have to defend one of your decisions in Metatalk. The boy is too young, I tell you...
posted by vacapinta at 9:34 PM on March 7, 2007 [1 favorite]


cortex has done a fine job, yep, yep. But if there's gonna be another moderator, I think the person oughta be in a different time zone than mathowie or jessamyn, and I'm not talking about the Midwestern U.S. either. Australia seems to be a pretty target.
posted by cgc373 at 9:35 PM on March 7, 2007 [2 favorites]


It's so cute when the users think they have some say in administrivia.
posted by BeerFilter at 9:43 PM on March 7, 2007 [2 favorites]


I motion that he be granted perma-mod status.

So say we all.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:48 PM on March 7, 2007


"You're out of order."

This whole damn website's outta order.

"Australia seems to be a pretty target."

Jessamyn's in Australia now. She can just stay there.
posted by klangklangston at 9:57 PM on March 7, 2007


I can again confirm that Matt asked me to help out in Jessamyn's absence and said nothing about anything beyond that one way or the other. If there were foregone conclusions, I wasn't privy to them.

And loquacious, I rent a Goodyear in LA that I'll have shadow you if you bolt. There's no escape.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:59 PM on March 7, 2007


Me and jessamyn could always use an extra set of hands, so it'd probably be a good idea to keep cortex around, plus he's done a great job.

I can't foresee there ever being a situation where we have someone like cortex going nuts and starting a mutiny and deleting everyone.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 10:18 PM on March 7, 2007 [1 favorite]


Cortex nuts! The delicious, crunchy new treat from Metafilter Foods®!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:20 PM on March 7, 2007


HAHA, I can edit and stavros can't! I'm drunk with power!!!
posted by mathowie (staff) at 10:25 PM on March 7, 2007 [14 favorites]


I like cortex quite a bit, but the "reason for deletions" posted on deleted threads are a bit too cute for me. There, I said it.

I'm all for clever, but that's not always the best quality for a mod. For instance, doesn't something like "Damn! Too slow!" inadvertently encourage the quick (and sometimes thoughtless) posting of breaking news stories that many have bemoaned around here as bad posts? Just sayin'.
posted by dhammond at 10:26 PM on March 7, 2007


HAHA, I can edit and stavros can't! I'm drunk with power!!!

*shakes fist, howls with fury*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:29 PM on March 7, 2007


This post was not deleted for the following reason: we like cortex.


posted by fandango_matt at 10:31 PM on March 7, 2007


For instance, doesn't something like "Damn! Too slow!" inadvertently encourage the quick (and sometimes thoughtless) posting of breaking news stories that many have bemoaned around here as bad posts? Just sayin'.

IIRC, mathowie has posted several similar deletion reasons since the beginning of when deletion reasons were initially given. I don't think it's encouraged all the zombg something is on CNN gottapostitgottapostit FPPs, nor has it discouraged them.
posted by cmonkey at 10:35 PM on March 7, 2007


I agree with the idea of another moderator in the Pacific Time Zone or thereabouts. So if cortex moves to Australia, all problems will be solved!
posted by misozaki at 10:44 PM on March 7, 2007


Agent Howie sat alone in one of the interview rooms deep inside The Agency's headquarters in Washington DC. He had been back in the States for about a day now, having recently been summoned back from his assignment deep undercover in the principality of Andorra. Upon his return to his palacial mansion, he had found orders summoning him to a meeting with Operative R the next day. And now the minute of the meeting with the head of The Agency was almost at hand.

How sat silently, hands together in his best suit, as the clock ticked over to 2pm.

The door to the room opened almost straight away and in walked Operative R. He was right on schedule, as always. But there was someone else with him; someone How had never before seen. But the security card that hung around the lanyard of his neck clearly indicated he was with The Agency.

"Matt!" said Operative R, smiling and holding out his hand. "Good to see you again. It's been too long!"

"Thank you sir" said How. He shook R's hand. "I agree, it has indeed been a long time."

"And may I be the first to say that the work you have done in Andorra is incredible. Every time the weekly mission update comes to my desk, I'm astounded at how much progress you have made."

How smiled, but he couldn't help feeling a little confused. "Thank you sir" he replied. "But may I ask, then... if that's the case, why have I been recalled?"

Operative R nodded his head. "I thought you might feel that way, How" he said. "For all your talents you're never able to move beyond your own insecurities. You should realise by now, Agent, that The Agency dosen't punish those who do good work. You've been recalled because you have bigger, more important duties."

"And they are?" asked Howie.

"You've been recalled, Matt, because you are to lead the invasion of Andorra. The Agency feels it is time to make the move, all because of your hard work. You've gathered enough intel, and eliminated all the right people, to ensure our armies have a clear path into Andorran territory."

"I see. Thank you once again, sir!" said Howie, clearly ecstatic at the news. "But there is still some work to be done on the ground before the invasion could commence. Who will take care of that?"

Operative R gestured towards the stranger who had entered the room with him. "None other than this young gun" said R. "Agent Howie. I would like you to meet Agent Cortex."

Agent Cortex stood up and just as Operative R had offered Howie his hand minutes earlier, he offered Howie his. How did not take it.

"This whelp?" said How scornfully. "He barely looks like he's out of grade school! How can we trust him to finish the job in Andorra at such a critical stage?"

"Matt!" said Operative R. "It'll be fine. The work in Andorra is basically just tying up a few loose ends before the invasion begins. Besides, young cortex here has been doing plenty of research into your work so far, and offered plenty of suggestions too! And he's been all but modding Project Metafilter for the past month while you were off swanning around the Andorran countryside virually incommunicado*."

"He's been fiddling with Project Metafilter? Sir, I must object!"

Opeartive R stood to his feet and stared Howie down. "Agent Howie, that's enough! The decisions been made. Now I'm ordering you to start preparing battle plans for the invasion of Andorra. And I want you to formally introduce Agent Cortex to those sexless nerds that inhabit Project Metafilter. We'll need to keep them placid if the invasion is to succeed."

"Placid, sir?"

"Yes" replied R. "Cortex here is a pretty good singer so while his awesome tunes distract those pseudo-intellectuals, we'll be invading a small, virtually defenceless principality. It's the perfect plan!"

Howie had little choice left but to accept this. "Very well sir" he said, sighing. "I'll do as you say."

"Good" said R. "Now our next mission breifing is at 7pm tonight. I expect that by then Project Metafilter will know it's new overlord, yes?"

"Yes sir."

"Good." And with that, Operative R and Agent Cortex left the room.

Later, Howie sat at his office desk, scanning the contents of Thread 13812. He sighed as he began to type the words he didn't want to type into the comment box, but he had his orders, and whatever else, the invasion he had planned was not too far away.

"Hey everyone" Agent Howie typed. "I want you to meet cortex, your new mod. He's a really likeable guy and a talented singer. I'm sure he'll do the site proud"

Hitting the Post Comment button, Howie couldn't help but think that in at least some way, perhaps Operative R would be proven right. After all, music does soothe the savage beast...

See 'The Adventures of Agent How #121: Flower Child', wherein Agent Howie momentarily becomes a hippie doped to the gills on LSD to further investigate claims that one day he will rule the world.
posted by Effigy2000 at 10:50 PM on March 7, 2007 [16 favorites]


heh. I'd already added cortex into the bit of the mefi navigator greasemonkey script that highlights admin posts.
posted by juv3nal at 10:52 PM on March 7, 2007


Thus in keeping with the western traditions of bodily awareness that keeps our heads in the clouds and our bodies off somewhere we don't need to think about them, we celebrate the primacy of the Cortex. Why not the Foot or the Ass or the Genetalia? Do we not have enough brain derived authority? Shall we so rush to Dalekhood as to set the intellectual components of our being so far above the rest? Thus following in the footsteps of the Moderns, we value Concept and Braininess above the meat - the very sweating physicality - that carries and feeds our so-long-devalued bodies? Shall we so elevate Cortex above Corpus?

As the Victorians, as the Protestant extremists, as the PE-challenged everywhere, are we so quick to cast our epistemological lot with the Abstract, the Intellectual - the Thought rather than the Felt? What Felt could be so smooth as the touch of flesh, of squishing mud between our spreading toes, the Silken cloth of the Meaty Incarnate? And yet as the Athenians to Solon, we hand power to the Cortex ahead of the Involuntary Reaction, the Intuitive, the Brute and Transcendant Physical? The Forebrain above that of the Serpent or Trembling Mammal? The Grey Matter above the rest?

Thus, I propose the user "Meaty Incarnate" or "Ass/Feet/Genetalia" be granted such status before Cortex. Failing that he'd be fine.
posted by freebird at 11:02 PM on March 7, 2007 [2 favorites]


jesus christ
posted by keswick at 11:04 PM on March 7, 2007


Move cortex to Australia? How's your Latin?
Cor = heart, tex = um, Texas. Couple of time zones (and several worlds) away from Oregon. Subliminally,'Tex has been drawn to that state.

The next Friday Fireside Chat will feature 'Tex singing golden oldies:
The stars at night are big and bright (clap hands)
Deep in the heart of Texas...
posted by Cranberry at 11:05 PM on March 7, 2007


I would vote for iconomy or madamejujujive, myself. Melissa May comes to mind as well.
posted by y2karl at 11:15 PM on March 7, 2007


Mmm hmm.
posted by y2karl at 11:16 PM on March 7, 2007


Maybe we should elect him as the President of Cake...?
posted by miss lynnster at 11:23 PM on March 7, 2007


Hugs for cortex!
posted by saguaro at 11:44 PM on March 7, 2007


And while the rest of you are celebrating, poor keswick has had an anuerysm. You wanted him to flame out, didn't you? You were working so hard to get the maximum trollerific response, but it didn't work! There he is, sitting in the corner, in the fetal position, rocking back and forth saying something under his breath... I'm trying to make it out... "Time for Wapner?"
posted by wendell at 12:31 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


jessahowietex?
cortowiemyn?
matexamyn?
posted by Rhomboid at 12:37 AM on March 8, 2007


"matamyntex," if we must.
posted by booksandlibretti at 12:50 AM on March 8, 2007


We already discussed this, Rhomboid.
posted by grouse at 12:52 AM on March 8, 2007


Bardic will not be pleased.
posted by justgary at 1:05 AM on March 8, 2007


I thought we were all gonna get a turn?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:19 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


I nominate myself for admin status, replacing mathowie who, while we all appareciate his contributions, has outlived his usefulness. Who's with me?
posted by Justinian at 2:20 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


Thus, I propose the user "Meaty Incarnate" or "Ass/Feet/Genetalia" be granted such status before Cortex. Failing that he'd be fine.

And I'm usually in a Central Asian timezone, so it works out perfectly.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:02 AM on March 8, 2007


Another vote for Cortex.

Because he's really brainy.
posted by Wolof at 3:21 AM on March 8, 2007


I've notice since Cortex has been a moderator, I've been getting more favorites, my teeth are whiter, and gosh darn it, people really like me.

I vote we shoot him.
posted by eriko at 3:26 AM on March 8, 2007


I'm all for cortex getting a permanent mod gig. Maybe then he'd have less time to record and post new songs to MeFi Music. Then those visiors to MeFiMu who only check out cortex's tunes (you know who you are ;-) might, just might check out, say micayetoca's, or drezdn's, or ageispolis', or nanojath's, or yours truly's, or fingers_of_fire's, or pyramid termite's, or Miko's (who'll hopefully be posting her 2nd song soon!), or sparkletone's, or chococat's, or...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:41 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


he hasn't responded to my email since he became a meficop. i say fire his ass.
posted by quonsar at 4:25 AM on March 8, 2007


I would think Cortex was dedicated enough to alter his sleep schedule in order cover the Australian incidents.
posted by Dave Faris at 5:01 AM on March 8, 2007


Let my voice be heard! I vote no, No, NO! to this proposal. For I fear that it may impact cortex's musical output, and that would be a crime against all humanity. For Grod's sake, people! Listen to reason! Get your head out of your asses! Demote cortex and we'll get some kick-ass angry protest music! Just think of it! Here are a few more exclamation points!!!!
posted by ColdChef at 5:23 AM on March 8, 2007


You see? You see? I betcha dollars to donuts ColdChef never clicks on any song that ain't by cortex! :)
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:27 AM on March 8, 2007


"Hell yeah, make cortex permanent!", he said as if he had a say in the matter.

cortex has done a fine job, yep, yep. But if there's gonna be another moderator, I think the person oughta be in a different time zone than mathowie or jessamyn, and I'm not talking about the Midwestern U.S. either. Australia seems to be a pretty target.
posted by cgc373 at 9:35 PM PST on March 7 [+] [!]


I think bugbread would make a good mod. He seems to fit the criteria: he's competent, level headed, and spends a lot of time here. He's not in Oz, but Japan is in the same time zone(s).
posted by Devils Slide at 5:43 AM on March 8, 2007


Anybody doing a pool on when the backlash is going to be?
posted by Wolfdog at 5:46 AM on March 8, 2007


In episode 189 of The Facts of Life, "Natalie goes under cover as an ROTC cadet to get a news story." And that's fine. Cortex is a great mefite. (But in the little-known director's version, she shaved her head and had sex with Hitler. Thrice.)

He can't wear both a fan hat and a mod hat at once. Nobody could. This will end in tears. But it'll be fun to watch along the way. Beyond that, I find it a little strange that Matthowie will go on at length about the technical side of an interface issue, but won't come out and declare your intentions regarding the big stuff. Man up and tell us. Us plebians await.

That said, my posts and comments have been fucking awesome as of late. Thank you. I accept this bucket of cocks on behalf of myself and my many sock-puppets. I'll try and keep up the good work.
posted by bardic at 6:01 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


* "your" = "his"
posted by bardic at 6:03 AM on March 8, 2007


This will end in tears. But it'll be fun to watch along the way.

Heh. I value your perverse opto-pessimism more than you know, man, however much I may disagree with the certainty of your conclusions.

(And hey, that episode had Wayne from Sabrina the Teenaged Witch.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:11 AM on March 8, 2007


jesus christ
posted by keswick


Well, I wouldn't go that far - sure, there's a resemblance, but the dude can't walk on water.

At least, I don't think he can.... waittaminnit, Jesus H. Shatner?!?

Oh crap.

posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:45 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


I can't foresee there ever being a situation where we have someone like cortex going nuts and starting a mutiny and deleting everyone.

Well, I can. And I'm drooling in anticipation.

Final MetaFilter: Mod of Apocalypse!

In other words: good decision, Matt.
posted by languagehat at 6:46 AM on March 8, 2007


I dunno. I had always considered Cortex to be more of rocker than a mod. Or a Ted, at the very least.
posted by psmealey at 7:06 AM on March 8, 2007


'perma-mod' sounds like a hair product.
posted by jonmc at 7:10 AM on March 8, 2007


I dunno. I had always considered Cortex to be more of rocker than a mod. Or a Ted, at the very least.

Have you seen his hair? He's a hippie.

*ducks*
posted by jonmc at 7:11 AM on March 8, 2007


Hey, the original cortex suck-up thread is still open, you know.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:14 AM on March 8, 2007


Hey, the original cortex suck-up thread is still open

Seriously. What, does this guy have beer-flavored nipples or something?
posted by psmealey at 7:22 AM on March 8, 2007


Mmmmm, beer...
posted by Roger Dodger at 7:34 AM on March 8, 2007


You can't possibly expect the Cortex cheerleading squad to go for more than seven days without starting a new adoration thread, can you?
posted by Dave Faris at 7:39 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


Lighten up a bit, Dave.
posted by Aloysius Bear at 7:43 AM on March 8, 2007


We're so cranky
Oh so cranky
Cranky vaaaaaay-caaaannt!
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:50 AM on March 8, 2007


Three is waaay harder to keep track of than two. Can we get some admin gold stars or something, so I can remember not to bad-mouth the "other" admin?
posted by misterbrandt at 7:54 AM on March 8, 2007


Sell your dismissivness somewhere else, Aloysuis. Not everyone thinks Cortex is the messiah.
posted by Dave Faris at 7:55 AM on March 8, 2007


When the Messiah comes, you'll know it. Suddenly your MetaFilter experience will be authentic and valid.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:12 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


Dave, weren't you going to try being less of a jerk? Not snarking, just asking. I'm always hoping for the best.
posted by languagehat at 8:19 AM on March 8, 2007


The Year is 2010. An embittered cortex, ground down and worn out from dealing with the petty hassles of day-to-day modding, posts his final three songs to MetaMusic:

"Fuck All Y'all"

"I've Had Enough Of This Shit"

"Matthewchen Can Kiss My Ass"
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 8:19 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


languagehat, you're always hoping for the best flameout. We know you, man.
posted by cgc373 at 8:41 AM on March 8, 2007


At least I'm trying, you nannering school marm. When are you going to attempt it?
posted by Dave Faris at 8:48 AM on March 8, 2007 [2 favorites]


No Seymour, you're failing.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:51 AM on March 8, 2007


At least I'm trying, you nannering school marm.

See, that's what I mean. I don't see any particular evidence of your trying. But thanks for responding so pleasantly and appropriately!
posted by languagehat at 8:56 AM on March 8, 2007


Mmm, nanners and peanut butter and school marms.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 9:03 AM on March 8, 2007


See, that's the problem with making an admission like I made ... that I realized I had trouble controlling my responses to jackasses and judgemental fools like you. I can make 100 normal replies here, but I make one comment that somehow offends your sensibilities, and I'm a failure. Well, fuck that shit. Go pass judgement on someone else, little Lord Fauntleroy.
posted by Dave Faris at 9:06 AM on March 8, 2007


I thought we were all gonna get a turn?

I suggested that but Dave Faris didn't like it.
posted by timeistight at 9:12 AM on March 8, 2007


Related
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:12 AM on March 8, 2007


Dave, I haven't bothered to read your history, but every comment I notice of yours is usually rather mean spirited or cantankerous sounding. Maybe it's just exaggeration on your part for effect, but it doesn't really come through well. All the best.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:22 AM on March 8, 2007


You can't possibly expect the Cortex cheerleading squad to go for more than seven days without starting a new adoration thread, can you?

Will I get a cute little skirt and matching pom-poms? Can I be a the top of the pyramid? I've been losing weight

You girls haven't been practicing without me, have you?
posted by timeistight at 9:24 AM on March 8, 2007


Sorry timeistight, but there have been some doubts as to your commitment to Cortex Motion.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:27 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


I haven't bothered to read your history, but every comment I notice of yours is usually rather mean spirited or cantankerous sounding.

Maybe that has more to do with your noticing than my messages? Or maybe the messages that aren't mean-spirited don't get noticed around here -- sort of a perpetual downward spiral, isn't it? But, nah. Don't even look at my posting history. There's no reason to make an informed opinion. Have a nice day.
posted by Dave Faris at 9:40 AM on March 8, 2007


Dave Faris the elephant was curious.
His caretaker, Matt, had just exited the
room, but she had left a light on in her small pen.
Dave investigated; it was a small light, brown with
lots of white squiggles on it and a little bit of yellow, too.
Dave examined the light even more closely. Some of the
squiggles were thicker than the others. Some were leaning
over to the right , and even though he tilted his head he was
still unable to make out what they meant. A few of them
even blinked at him. Jumbo became confused by the
squiggles – they were just a bunch of random things
to him. His confusion led to a brief moment of
panic, and loudly “RAOR!” he trumpeted
Again, a loud “RAOOR!” resounded,
and as             it            did so

tiny,           um,          plop-

pings                          sound-

ed at                          the sur-

face            of the        floor.

Matt           saw the       mess

sighed          loudly and     swept up.


posted by cog_nate at 9:47 AM on March 8, 2007 [14 favorites]


That's some poetic broccoli right there.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:53 AM on March 8, 2007 [2 favorites]


Someone needs a hug.
posted by Devils Slide at 10:00 AM on March 8, 2007




88 comments about 3 Moderators?
posted by grateful at 10:04 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


Devils Slide writes "I think bugbread would make a good mod. He seems to fit the criteria: he's competent, level headed, and spends a lot of time here. He's not in Oz, but Japan is in the same time zone(s)."

Thanks for the vote of confidence, but unfortunately the reason I spend a lot of time here is that I work long, low-load night shifts...which means that, although I'm in Japan, my online time is the same as Europe and America.
posted by Bugbread at 10:08 AM on March 8, 2007


Ahh, I see.
posted by Devils Slide at 10:10 AM on March 8, 2007

Seriously. What, does this guy have beer-flavored nipples or something?
Not yet.
posted by scrump at 10:13 AM on March 8, 2007


Or maybe the messages that aren't mean-spirited don't get noticed around here -- sort of a perpetual downward spiral, isn't it?

That's right on. It's only once or twice that I've found the content of an arbitrary sample of someone's posting history to confirm some nasty tick in an eye-catching comment; usually it's, oh, huh, I guess that was just unusually spiky.

It may be time-consuming and less than vindicating when you're piqued, but reading Joe User's posting history can be a very humanizing experience. The sort of thing that everyone could do a little of—especially those of us who do a fair amount of arguing.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:26 AM on March 8, 2007


Fuck off, cortex!
posted by Mister_A at 10:26 AM on March 8, 2007


(And it's not that the mean-spirited comments are the only ones that get noticed—it's that the mean-spirited comments are more often associated with the speaker than interesting light-hearted stuff, I think.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:27 AM on March 8, 2007


cortex, give me a motherfucking star. Like, today. Right by my fucking name.
posted by four panels at 10:57 AM on March 8, 2007


I don't really have a dog in this hunt, given that I'm in the same UScentric time zone as all 3 moderators, but I do want to cast another vote for a mod on the other side of the planet. I think it's been working well for mecha, for one thing and then, imagine the chaos if cortex and jessamyn and mathowie were all asleep at the same time and . . and. . . I don't know, godzilla stomped the server or something? Aliens invaded? Who would be able to keep the newsfilter pared down in the event of a 3 am alien invasion?
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:59 AM on March 8, 2007


Congratulations cortex. I look forward to supping of the amber ale from your udders.

I disagree that an Aussie timezone moderator is needed. Life at Mefi gets very slow in this here southern afternoon/evening. There are occasional spazzmoidal posts that wait a while for deletion but really, jessamyn and mathowie (and now cortex) pop in irregularly to cover things pretty adequately. It's probably more beneficial on average having the 3 of them on deck together when it's high posting time in the States.

Dave Faris, you are a bristly person and hard to hug. I will try anyway, but no tongues. Please to smile more.
posted by peacay at 11:07 AM on March 8, 2007


Oregon/Pacific time rules, plus wherever jessamyn is
posted by Cranberry at 11:08 AM on March 8, 2007


Dear MetaFilter member,

Please don't take this
the wrong way
but you seem like
kind of a jackass
just sayin'
no need to get defensive
dickhead.

Warmest huggy regards.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 11:35 AM on March 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


Apparently, you can't just boss cortex★ around.
posted by four panels at 11:59 AM on March 8, 2007


★★★★★★★

I'm a seven-stare general!
posted by Mister_A at 12:03 PM on March 8, 2007


Yes I did mean stare, and if you don't get it, you're dumm.
posted by Mister_A at 12:04 PM on March 8, 2007


Wolfdog writes "Anybody doing a pool on when the backlash is going to be?"

Can I have 0-1 minutes after permanency is announced?

Kirth Gerson writes "the original cortex suck-up thread is still open, you know."

I was thinking it was a bit early for a performance review, even on internet time.
posted by Mitheral at 12:06 PM on March 8, 2007


So, I think public humiliation is the best moderator and can never be replaced by admins.

Having said that, it seems pretty clear that the asshats and spammers have figured out that the best time to post is right after the west cost goes to bed. Doesn't an Australian or Asian admin make all kinds of sense?

mattamynthewondercortex?
posted by roll truck roll at 12:28 PM on March 8, 2007


Dear MetaFilter member,

Please don't take this
the wrong way
but you seem like
kind of a jackass
just sayin'
no need to get defensive
dickhead.

Warmest huggy regards.


You got that email, too?
posted by YoBananaBoy at 12:56 PM on March 8, 2007


a mod on the other side of the planet

I know - let's just make cortex stay up all night - that should do it! Congrats, cortex.

y2karl, iconomy or Melissa May both sound great if there is a future need. Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I would suck at this.
posted by madamjujujive at 1:20 PM on March 8, 2007


Doesn't an Australian or Asian admin make all kinds of sense?

Yes, it does, to me anyway. Although it's not exactly an epidemic, there have been instances of spammers and assholes (not that spammers aren't assholes) taking advantage of the moderators' snooze time to wreak havoc on the site until Matt or Jessamyn wakes up, sees the bazillion flags, and mops up. An Australian/Kiwi/Asian moderator seems to be the best answer to this problem, and there certainly are plenty of capable, fair-minded Mefites who'd be good candidates for the fourth mod position. Hell, it doesn't even have to be someone from Oceania or Asia; it can be a nocturnal American or European.
posted by Devils Slide at 1:22 PM on March 8, 2007


Or what mjj said. You just have to keep cortex amped up on crystal meth, although you run the risk of him dismantling the site piece by piece overnight.
posted by Devils Slide at 1:30 PM on March 8, 2007


The obvious solution is a flag activated alarm clock, comment/post gets more than 15 negative flags and it starts blaring both kinds of music at top volume until an admin takes care of it.
posted by Mitheral at 2:06 PM on March 8, 2007


All of you aussies clamoring for a down under mod. You should hear cortex say "let's throw another shrimp on the barbie." Spot on I'm telling ya. Spot on.

And why the Dave Faris pile on. I've noticed his posts and comments in the blue and he seems like a good guy to me. And "nannering schoolmarm", that was a nice jab. I'm sure even l-hat thought so. I remember Nabokov using the same slur in "Speak, Memory" several times.
posted by vronsky at 2:09 PM on March 8, 2007


although you run the risk of him dismantling the site piece by piece overnight his wife totally murdering him.

The swingshift mod concept makes some sense, though mefi does seem to cycle down a lot in the wee hours of the US day; a savvy spammer would get the most life out of a 1AM PST post, sure, but it's still just a few hours during the least trafficked portion of the day.

I remember Matt saying in podcast #2 that he goes to bed pretty late these days; I don't know how early Jessamyn gets up usually, but the PST-EST differential at least cuts down the unattended window a fair bit.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:12 PM on March 8, 2007


Obvious solution: cortex publishes his cell phone number in his profile. If there is trouble, someone everyone could phone him 24/7.
posted by Cranberry at 3:08 PM on March 8, 2007


I knew there was a good reason that I don't have a cellphone.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:15 PM on March 8, 2007


Savvy spammers choose 1AM PST!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:23 PM on March 8, 2007


Note to 'Tex: hard-wired phone is OK
posted by Cranberry at 3:26 PM on March 8, 2007


I nominate myself for permanent mod! And for numerous kiss-ass threads! No need to thank me! But if you need to you can do so in the numerous forthcoming kiss-ass threads!
posted by Kwine at 4:10 PM on March 8, 2007


Dave Faris, you are a bristly person and hard to hug.
You and all the others moaning about his being grumpy forget that he is usually right. We need more people who are willing to tell it as they see it, not less.
posted by dg at 4:14 PM on March 8, 2007


dg, nobody needs more people who can tell it like they see it, unless those people can also see it clearly. Dave Faris does okay, and a lot of us around here do okay, but let's not encourage speaking up for the sake of getting our voices heard; let's encourage people to pay attention instead. That's my vote, anyway.
posted by cgc373 at 4:24 PM on March 8, 2007


We need more people who are willing to tell it as they see it, not less.

Yeah! Stick it to the man! Up against the wall, motherfucker! Speak, brother! Tell it like it is!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:25 PM on March 8, 2007


Waddayamean he's usually right? He was wrong about my "auction off admin rights" idea.
posted by timeistight at 4:38 PM on March 8, 2007


And "nannering schoolmarm", that was a nice jab. I'm sure even l-hat thought so.

Oh, absolutely. I basically like Dave; I thought I was offering a constructive reminder, but I won't try that again!
posted by languagehat at 5:40 PM on March 8, 2007


I nominate myself for permanent mod! And for numerous kiss-ass threads! No need to thank me! But if you need to you can do so in the numerous forthcoming kiss-ass threads!
posted by Kwine


But! Excessive use of exclamation points is an automatic disqualification! Dude!

In fact, it may be grounds for partial murdering, or a slothful rogering.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:03 PM on March 8, 2007


Is there a word in German for when someone makes fun of you for being a doofus when you are being a humongous doofus on purpose? Schwartzenkirthgersonfloppen maybe?
posted by Kwine at 6:25 PM on March 8, 2007


YOU ARE ALL OUT OF ORDER

I MOTION FOR SOME ROBERT'S RULES UP IN THIS PIECE
posted by spiderwire at 7:10 PM on March 8, 2007


We need more people who are willing to tell it as they see it, not less say what I'm thinking, but can't or won't articulate it.

But that's just how I see it.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:43 PM on March 8, 2007


Shit. This thread won't die, will it?

That's what I get for stupid MeTa.
posted by klangklangston at 9:47 PM on March 8, 2007


You had me at "Shit.".
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:52 PM on March 8, 2007


you shit me at "had."
posted by Hat Maui at 10:21 PM on March 8, 2007


Shit. This thread won't die, will it?

it's called a filibuster goddamnit


see *this* is what you get for the parliamentarian lingo
posted by spiderwire at 12:44 AM on March 9, 2007


So, we're gonna meet back here in, what? Five or six days, for the next "We just love Cortex so very very much that you might almost say we're gay for him" post?

Ok. See you then!
posted by Dave Faris at 3:34 AM on March 9, 2007


Jessamyn's in Australia now. She can just stay there.

Don't think I haven't considered it.....
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:46 AM on March 9, 2007


I don't really know anything about cortex or about you other than what I've read of the things both of you have said on this site, Dave, mate. But from that limited information sample, I've got to say I'd much rather have a beer with cortex. [NOT RACIST]

I know what you're getting at with your cranky contrarian stylings, of course -- it's distasteful how people tend to line up to automatically mouth the cock (or other gender-specific genitalia) of perceived authority figures. I'm with you there. It's a little icky, a little sad, all that.

But it's human nature, man. You might as well rail angrily against farts. Farts ain't never gonna go away.

Don't think I haven't considered it.....

Dear god, me too. But here I am in the land of the morning... calm.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:49 AM on March 9, 2007


Is there a word in German for when someone makes fun of you for being a doofus when you are being a humongous doofus on purpose?

Klüleß
posted by psmealey at 3:58 AM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


Wait, we're allowed to give oral sex to the mods too? Damn if MetaFilter isn't the best $5 I've ever spent.

*sprays breath freshener, gets in line*
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 5:33 AM on March 9, 2007


Is there a word in German for when someone makes fun of you for being a doofus when you are being a humongous doofus on purpose? Schwartzenkirthgersonfloppen maybe?

RACIST!

it's distasteful how people tend to line up to automatically mouth the cock (or other gender-specific genitalia) of perceived authority figures

But that's not what's going on here, ferchrissakes. People genuinely like cortex (or "cortex," if you're going to go all "nobody knows you're a layer of gray matter on the internet" on me) and appreciate the things he's done around here. If someone not so liked and appreciated, say User X (and believe me, I'm manfully resisting the temptation to use an actual username here), were to be given the Reins of Rack and Ruin, there would immediately be a "Why does X get to be a mod when he's an asshole?" thread and people would line up with the crosses and the torches and the inverted pitchforks and Matt would have to retract and apologize and donate huge amounts to the Aged MeFites Benevolent Society and User X would have to go into the witness protection program and move to a Pacific island soon to vanish beneath the waves if global warming continues.

In short, DF is being knee-jerk nasty for no good reason, and there's no point abetting him with irrelevant distaste.
posted by languagehat at 5:54 AM on March 9, 2007 [3 favorites]


But that's not what's going on here, ferchrissakes.

Yeah, duh. Or not entirely anyway. But that's what Dave-o's on about, and I was trying to be empathetic and shit. Sue me.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:59 AM on March 9, 2007


*calls lawyer*
posted by languagehat at 6:23 AM on March 9, 2007


*Thumbs through phone book looking for the Aged MeFites Benevolent Society. Doesn't find it. Slumps in despair.*
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:37 AM on March 9, 2007


But that's not what's going on here, ferchrissakes.

Count the number of one-line "me too for cortex!" posts above. I suppose these could be people who "genuinely like cortex," but jeez, it's unseemly. And I don't know how we could determine to anyone's satisfaction whether these one-liners count as "genuine like" or merely "lining up to mouth." I suppose its a Rorschach, but a little skepticism for pep rallies is certainly not out of place, especially here.
posted by Mid at 6:43 AM on March 9, 2007


"So, we're gonna meet back here in, what? Five or six days, for the next "We just love Cortex so very very much that you might almost say we're gay for him" post?

Ok. See you then!"

Is somebody feeling left out?

"Count the number of one-line "me too for cortex!" posts above. I suppose these could be people who "genuinely like cortex," but jeez, it's unseemly."

I noticed a series of mod decisions both on AskMe and on MeFi that I thought were solid, and they kept having cortex's name next to 'em (though the supposition that he was pruning in AskMe is only inference, based on Jess's leave). I've agitated for a third mod for a long time, and cortex seems like a good choice. So I made a MeTa supporting the choice and asking for it to be permanent. It's not because I particularly want to mouth his balls or anything. And I can't speak for all of the "me too" comments, but I'd imagine that it's similar. It's not meant to be a pep rally, and I'm sure that I'll disagree with him sooner or later and both regret this MeTa and call him a pig-fucker or something. But that's not now, so it doesn't really matter.
posted by klangklangston at 6:58 AM on March 9, 2007


SAVE FARIS
posted by saraswati at 7:01 AM on March 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


FROM HIMSELF
posted by Aloysius Bear at 7:06 AM on March 9, 2007


Mid writes "jeez, it's unseemly."

Translation: "There's something happening which I don't like. Instead of chalking it up to a difference of opinion, I'm going to assume that its badness is absolute, and you're all in the wrong."
posted by Bugbread at 7:25 AM on March 9, 2007


I told cortex to fuck off, so I am way more hardcore than all y'all and I win this thread.

-User X

PS Hi cortex!
posted by Mister_A at 7:29 AM on March 9, 2007


cortex seems like a good choice

He is. He's good natured, responsive, reasonable and gives verbose explanations of what he's done. Perfect choice.

Let the record show that he is no pig-fucker. At least not at the moment.
posted by psmealey at 7:29 AM on March 9, 2007


Mid writes "jeez, it's unseemly."

Translation: "There's something happening which I don't like. Instead of chalking it up to a difference of opinion, I'm going to assume that its badness is absolute, and you're all in the wrong."


Translation for klangklangston: It's retarded!
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:54 AM on March 9, 2007


Aww, Kirth, you try so hard, and yet you just can't get the tone right. Perhaps you're retarded?

(For extra fun, say it "wicked re-tahr-did" like a Bostonian).
posted by klangklangston at 8:33 AM on March 9, 2007


This may help:

Wee Todd Did.
I am Sofa King.
Wee Todd Did.
posted by Mister_A at 8:48 AM on March 9, 2007


I'm actually the 4th mod here - i'm just very lassez faire.
posted by sgt.serenity at 8:50 AM on March 9, 2007


say it "wicked re-tahr-did" like a Bostonian

You're from out of town, aren't you? No Bostonian would pronounce that second R.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:59 AM on March 9, 2007


Jessamyn is a pass-first, run the offense, doesn't need shots, creative point guard in the John Stockton mold.
cortex is your basic wing player with good size who plays lockdown defense and hits open threes-think Big Shot Rob Horry in his prime.
mathowie is the star off-guard who can create his own offense and takes all the big shots. Lots of choices here...let's say Dwayne Wade.
sgt. serenity rebounds, throws down elbows and the occasional put-back dunk. How about, Larry Nance? Or more recently, P.J. Brown?

Y'all are a shot-blocking center with low post moves (Robert Parish? languagehat?) away from contending for the title.
posted by Kwine at 9:10 AM on March 9, 2007


Keswick is Bill Laimbeer.
posted by Mister_A at 9:13 AM on March 9, 2007


So, I think public humiliation is the best moderator and can never be replaced by admins.

That trick never works.
posted by norm at 9:24 AM on March 9, 2007


Translation: "There's something happening which I don't like. Instead of chalking it up to a difference of opinion, I'm going to assume that its badness is absolute, and you're all in the wrong."

Thanks for the translation, but that's pretty much not what I said, at all. In fact, I expressly noted that there might be a difference of opinion that could never really be resolved to anyone's satisfaction. (E.g., "I don't know how we could determine to anyone's satisfaction whether these one-liners count as "genuine like" or merely "lining up to mouth." I suppose its a Rorschach . . . ." Not sure how you get "its badness is absolute" and "you're all in the wrong" from that.
posted by Mid at 9:31 AM on March 9, 2007


your mom is bill laimbeer
posted by keswick at 11:03 AM on March 9, 2007


He doesn't have a uterus, silly.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:08 AM on March 9, 2007


The man did have his own videogame. O, but that we could all say as much...
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:12 AM on March 9, 2007


Count the number of one-line "me too for cortex!" posts above. I suppose these could be people who "genuinely like cortex," but jeez, it's unseemly.

1) Yeah, I think they're people who genuinely like cortex. He's a likeable guy.

2) Why is it "unseemly"? Is it unseemly when people get congratulated after good things happen to them? Is it unseemly for people to be other than shitty to each other? I don't get it.

3) Does anyone who's pushing the "suck-up" line seriously think cortex is making a list of everyone who left nice comments and saying with a smirk, "Hah! These shall be left in peace! Those who said nothing shall be moderated, and those who said bad things... well, they'll get what's coming to them! Hahahahaaa!" Does anyone seriously think people are leaving nice comments because they think they'll somehow benefit from it? Because that would be seriously retarded. Or retahded. [NOT ANTI-BOSTON]
posted by languagehat at 11:15 AM on March 9, 2007


pro-council it is. Yea.
(and congrats to The Madam for the Goldstar)
posted by clavdivs at 11:20 AM on March 9, 2007


"Hah! These shall be left in peace!
(hee-hee)
posted by clavdivs at 11:22 AM on March 9, 2007


Hey without Bill Laimbeer, those Pistons would never have won their championships. At least I didn't say you were Rodman.
posted by Mister_A at 11:27 AM on March 9, 2007


Fuck Bill Laimbeer.

And fuck all the "unseemly" people; God forbid people express enthusiasm and sincerity on MeTa. If y'all weren't a bunch of killjoy sooks, maybe you'd get some props once in a while too.

That 'lol ur gay 4 him' shit's beneath you, Crunch Farts - get over it. Take a nap, go camping, scrawl up some new 'Crunchland Method For Coping With Being Passed Over'.



Oh, and fuck Boston most of all.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:42 AM on March 9, 2007


Mid writes "Not sure how you get 'its badness is absolute' and 'you're all in the wrong' from that."

It was the "its unseemly" part, where you seemed to ascribe a characteristic to what's happening, as if that characteristic were independent of your opinion about it. It's the difference between "I'm hot" and "It's hot": the first just says how you feel. The second says the same thing, but in such a way that it seems to be a description of fact, which would be true whether or not you were even there to observe it.

On reflection, I'm reading far too much into your word choice, and I apologize.
posted by Bugbread at 11:44 AM on March 9, 2007


I have fucked Boston. It wasn't that great.
posted by psmealey at 11:46 AM on March 9, 2007


"You're from out of town, aren't you? No Bostonian would pronounce that second R."

The "r" is still there. It's just shifted forward in the mouth (from, what, a linguapalatial glide to a more aveolare glide). It's distinct from the "ah" sound, and is different in the middle of words than at the end (there tends to be more "r" in "park" than in "car," though there's still an r in both of them).
posted by klangklangston at 11:48 AM on March 9, 2007


bug -- no big deal, I wasn't all that clear.

At bottom, isn't this just your classic high school drama, where the prom king is a really nice guy, everyone knows he's a really nice guy, but a few malcontents hang around the back of the gym smoking and mumbling about how everyone is a conformist because they like the prom king? But what I can't quite get a grip on is: aren't we all basically the malcontents in the back of the gym by virtue of being people who actively participate in an on-line community -- i.e., dorks? So, then, when everyone starts "me too-ing," it just tears asunder my whole we're-cool-because-we-don't-like-prom-kings sort of vibe.

Yes, this is juvenile.
posted by Mid at 12:00 PM on March 9, 2007


Heh. You know, if it helps any, me and my geek-ass friends skipped the prom and watched zombie movies in my parents' basement instead.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:08 PM on March 9, 2007


oh 'tex! That is so sad! All you boy geeks who didn't realize that there are geeky girls who would have loved to go to the prom dressed in Duct tape gowns of course.
posted by Cranberry at 12:31 PM on March 9, 2007


Skipping the prom is only sad if you secretly wanted to go the prom but didn't. Some people just plain didn't have any interest in going, which makes skipping the prom about as sad as skipping the season finale of Lost.
posted by Bugbread at 1:10 PM on March 9, 2007


The "r" is still there. It's just shifted forward in the mouth (from, what, a linguapalatial glide to a more aveolare glide). It's distinct from the "ah" sound, and is different in the middle of words than at the end (there tends to be more "r" in "park" than in "car," though there's still an r in both of them).

Oh, bullshit. I suggest you go watch the beginning of Two if by Sea, and listen for the second R in Denis Leary's shouted "Retard!" If you hear one, you're hallucinating. Also see a certain languagehat's rendering of the Bostonian pronunciation: retahded.

I won't ever say you are yourself retarded, because you obviously are not, but boy do you have a tin ear. The "tone" you try and establish with your customary name-calling is not working - it just makes you seem a fleering, cacaphonous lout. If anybody besides you is amused by it, I would be surprised.

You can, and have, done better. More of that, please.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:13 PM on March 9, 2007


And no, my references to sucking-up are not serious. Cortex is OK in my book.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:17 PM on March 9, 2007


Kirth Gerson, it's inhumane to suggest anybody ought to watch Two If By Sea. Having seen the picture myself, I want to warn anyone who thinks they want to see it, for whatever reason, but especially if they're not expecting a movie about Denis Leary and Sandra Bullock squatting in rich people's houses so they can make off with their high-priced artworks while learning that they really are good for each other romantically, that you ought instead to rent something entertaining, like The Ref.
posted by cgc373 at 1:25 PM on March 9, 2007


Talk nerdy to me, cortex.

I must take exception with one statement:

"Fuck Bill Laimbeer".

Alvy, I would not fuck Bill Laimbeer with your dick and Keswick pushin'.

That is all.
posted by Mister_A at 1:27 PM on March 9, 2007


But does The Ref have someone saying "retard" in an authentic Boston accent? (Seriously - I haven't seen it.) Notice I didn't say klang should watch the whole of Two if by Sea, just the beginning. Leary also manages to get a Neon to burn rubber in that sequence.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:36 PM on March 9, 2007


Neonim are peppy little cars, Kirth Gerson. I had a 5-speed Neon that could still light the tires up after a quarter million miles. Mitsubishi motor FTW.
posted by Mister_A at 1:40 PM on March 9, 2007


Well, okay, to illustrate a point of pronunciation, and so long as nobody has to watch the whole thing, sure, watch the "retard" bit from Two If By Sea, fine. But stop there. It's bad, I tell you. Bad like recent Michael Jackson. Bad like Joanie Loves Chachi.
posted by cgc373 at 1:59 PM on March 9, 2007


"I won't ever say you are yourself retarded, because you obviously are not, but boy do you have a tin ear. The "tone" you try and establish with your customary name-calling is not working - it just makes you seem a fleering, cacaphonous lout. If anybody besides you is amused by it, I would be surprised."

My customary namecalling? Who started this "retarded" bullshit in this thread?

As for a sociolinguistic explication of /R/ in Boston, see: http://www.ling.osu.edu/NWAV/Abstracts/Paper47.pdf. The /r/ in the middle of retarded is softened, but not fully dropped, and if you listen, you can tell the difference between dropped-r sounds and either the /ah/ or long /a/.

But hey, if I'm fleering and cacaphonous, you're a mewling marm, a perpetually snippish priss. And retarded.
posted by klangklangston at 2:16 PM on March 9, 2007


cortex is mod?
posted by Mister_A at 2:37 PM on March 9, 2007


Let's just say that he has more Paul Weller albums than a boy his age should.
posted by klangklangston at 2:39 PM on March 9, 2007


That's a nice clipping, Mister_A. If I were the sort to buy up sockpuppets, I'd definitely pick up "a thousand battling mods".
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:49 PM on March 9, 2007


The thought of rampant sockpuppet mod mobs frightens me. I need my blanky.
posted by cgc373 at 3:05 PM on March 9, 2007


I have fucked Boston. It wasn't that great.

Were they on tour?
posted by spiderwire at 6:42 PM on March 9, 2007


OK, when I wrote that I swear I hadn't seen this yet.
posted by spiderwire at 8:11 PM on March 9, 2007


« Older MetaTalk comment redirect   |   Deep in the heart of Texas Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments