Performance art? May 1, 2008 8:26 PM   Subscribe

What's going on with these two relationship threads?

Poster #1 asks if she should dump her boyfriend because, come on, she can get someone handsomer. (Turns out it's not the first time, or second time, she's considered getting rid of him.)

Poster #2 who -- OMG! -- turns out to be the boyfriend, asks how he can be better to this woman who is "beautiful, intelligent, funny, thoughtful, open-minded and communicative."

Someone recognizes that poster #2 lists poster #1 as a contact (and sweetheart), and poster #2 admits that yes, they're a couple.

Poster #1 closes account.

Poster #3 ponies up $5 TODAY and posts supportive comments in each of their threads. Which are promptly buh-leeted.

Either the Green is being gamed, or MySpace was full tonight.

Is it, perhaps, reasonable to kill the two AskMes out of respect, basically, for people who offered legitimate advice to people who don't seem all that legitimate?
posted by mudpuppie to Etiquette/Policy at 8:26 PM (100 comments total) 31 users marked this as a favorite

Ooooooh! Popcorn time, they're a-killing in MeTa!
posted by SassHat at 8:32 PM on May 1, 2008


Hey, this is a good one. What's the game, kiddos? Good catch, mudpuppie. Weirdness.
posted by Miko at 8:34 PM on May 1, 2008


Oh MY!
posted by Stewriffic at 8:35 PM on May 1, 2008


MetaGrassi: The Next Generation
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:40 PM on May 1, 2008 [14 favorites]


oh boy! I choose to believe that it's not performance art - I want it to be real. Because I spent some time today feeling sorry for the girl who gets sniped at all the time - and angry at the girl who thinks her boyfriend is wonderful but don't you agree I could get someone handsomer? Finding out that they are the same girl cheers me up!
posted by moxiedoll at 8:45 PM on May 1, 2008 [3 favorites]


Mudpuppie, thanks for posting this. I was severely peeved about this before contestant #1 left the stadium. Now I'm really pissed off. I invested my time and good will in those threads, dammit.

I would not kill the posts, however. I would kill the posters. With a big, big ban hammer.
posted by DarlingBri at 8:48 PM on May 1, 2008


Dear Aksme, how do i reconcile all of these contradictions in myself i don't want to be human kthxbai o and heers 5 bux
posted by not_on_display at 8:51 PM on May 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


Poster #1 has disabled her account...
posted by Burhanistan at 8:56 PM on May 1, 2008


If it's performance art, it has been done with a tremendous amount of care, since there's no apparent relationship between either of the two main accounts or between either of them and the new one, and the new account checks out to a living breathing human with a paper trail on the net.

I think the whole thing is kind of bizarre, but I think it's also all more or less genuine. I'm not sure there's any reason to close the existing askme questions (barring a request from the poster(s) to do so).
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:58 PM on May 1, 2008


Oh, you already said that. That said, these people are creepy and should go back to MySpace.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:59 PM on May 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


As you said in Poster #2's thread, this all does feel pretty darned icky. But if there is performance art going on, it feels to me like it's crafted by each of them to be directed at the other, saying things they can't quite say directly, or else leveraging whatever "oomph" they can through stating their side publicly and getting sympathy in some public forum - "Of course I'd never say so to your face but, well, I am thinking you're not quite hot enough for me" ... "Look, see, I know I'm not worthy of you but I'm trying, oh how I'm trying so hard to be and all these people support me!" ... in other words, I don't know that they're really trying to get anything out of us other than some audience or medium through which they talk to each other ...

Nevertheless, it's certainly an interesting little situation so thanks for pointing it out, huzzah for these random weird mefi blurps!
posted by zeph at 9:06 PM on May 1, 2008


I liked the ending of the original Degrassi series where everyone graduated and then died, got pregnant or got horribly injured in a traffic accident.

That is all.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:11 PM on May 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


I said "eww" about each of those questions without even opening them, and now I feel triple vindicated. Eww.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:14 PM on May 1, 2008 [2 favorites]


If it's performance art, it has been done with a tremendous amount of care, since there's no apparent relationship between either of the two main accounts or between either of them and the new one...

It seems too unrandom to me NOT to be some sort of performance. Maybe, as Zeph said, it's some sort of sly, passive-aggressive lovers' spat. But the involvement of the newly signed-up Person #3, in both threads -- which is the sum total of his involvement here -- seals the deal of suspicion for me.

It doesn't have to be a single perpetrator for it to be calculated. And, again, it just seems too un-random for it NOT to be calculated.

Then again, I'm bad at math. And I'm kinda pissed at having typed out a response that I actually spent time thinking about. But that's the way it goes, I guess. You never know if people will take your advice, and you never know if their questions are on the level.

So maybe, in the end, the solution isn't deletion of those threads but, rather, a note upon posting that says "Hey, if you're using AskMe to send soft jabs at your SO, get a fucking grip!"

In any case, something's hinky.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:16 PM on May 1, 2008


oh, you had to drag it to MeTa, didn't you, mudpuppie? i mean,you're beautiful, intelligent, funny, thoughtful, open-minded and communicative and all, but this is just another of those niggardly sides that you keep revealing from time to time.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:19 PM on May 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


Dude. I could do so much better than you. You're no adonis, and you know it.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:21 PM on May 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


Indeed, Ubu. This MeTa is like dipping a cup into a filthy overflowing toilet at a bar then putting it on nice high windowsill and telling everyone to go have a look at the piss.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:23 PM on May 1, 2008


This has potential, but they're no fr0zen and xteraco yet.
posted by Locative at 9:25 PM on May 1, 2008 [6 favorites]


Now that would be perfromance art
posted by nola at 9:27 PM on May 1, 2008


When MySpace is full, the emos will walk the Green...
posted by adamdschneider at 9:28 PM on May 1, 2008 [12 favorites]


Good sleuthing, mudpuppie. I know these kind of shenanigans "lower the quality of the site" but my gawd they're entertaining!
posted by amyms at 9:29 PM on May 1, 2008


If everyone could keep from pissing in the open threads for now that would be super. man that's weird, huh?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:31 PM on May 1, 2008


When MySpace is full, the emos will walk the Green...

Aim for the heart, it's the only way to be sure.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:31 PM on May 1, 2008 [3 favorites]


I'm just trying to find a good used car.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:32 PM on May 1, 2008 [3 favorites]


OK, this is weirdness, and yes, mudpuppie is looking a little deeper than your average bear.
posted by caddis at 9:33 PM on May 1, 2008


Burhanistan: in an Aussie bar, people would look up thirstily at the glass of frothy amber fluid and ask "Um, what's your point, mate?"
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:35 PM on May 1, 2008


And this is substantially different from the rest of RelationshipFilter how?
posted by pompomtom at 9:37 PM on May 1, 2008


This has potential, but they're no fr0zen and xteraco yet.

maybe this is them, post-therapy?
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:37 PM on May 1, 2008


but my gawd they're entertaining!

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I live for the grey.

/goes back to writing for finals
posted by tarheelcoxn at 9:42 PM on May 1, 2008


Ubu: they have bathrooms in Aussie bars?
posted by Burhanistan at 9:49 PM on May 1, 2008


Wait, strike that....they have bathrooms in Australia?
posted by Burhanistan at 9:50 PM on May 1, 2008


I wanted to go into the guy's question and point out that he should be strongly considering ending the relationship based on "omg I should get someone hotter rite" ... shrugging off the "eww" response in here ... but it turns out that it actually is kind of weird and creepy. The "haha we're just kind of open" is just so disingenuous and passive-aggressive and ... weird.

Oh well. I hope they ... quit posting about their relationship, anyway.
posted by blacklite at 9:53 PM on May 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


Woah, that is weird. And I totally don't buy his "oh, we communicate so well, ha ha" thing at the end. Dude, if your girlfriend is posting to the internet that she doesn't think you are all that hot, communication is the least of your worries.
posted by Forktine at 9:54 PM on May 1, 2008


Wait, strike that....they have bathrooms in Australia?

In a manner of speaking, Burhanistan. What we actually use are trained kangaroos: they hop around from person to person, and if you need to relieve yourself, you just piss into their pouch. All blokes carry in their pockets a sprig of eucalyptus leaves, to reward the kangaroo for pausing; this is how they come to be trained.

I have no idea what the sheilas do, because they stay at home all day so we never see them do their business. Probably something similar, but with a fluffy wombat to sit on.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:56 PM on May 1, 2008 [23 favorites]


You'd better hope those kangaroos don't ever unionize.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:06 PM on May 1, 2008


this is why I don't watch tv anymore
posted by ddaavviidd at 10:07 PM on May 1, 2008


When you get drunk in Australia, does the room spin the other way?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:08 PM on May 1, 2008 [43 favorites]


Nah, we've solved that one: we just strap ourselved to a BBQ rotisserie, switch it on, and the spinning is completely negated.

Problem is, we haven't yet worked out how to stop the beer from spilling as we rotate.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:18 PM on May 1, 2008


Your beer spills because you're living upside down!
posted by amyms at 10:20 PM on May 1, 2008 [3 favorites]


You should all invest in sippy cups.

Manly sippy cups.
posted by winna at 10:21 PM on May 1, 2008


or we could just steal beer from the babies; drink it straight from their bottles!
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:23 PM on May 1, 2008


Surely babies drink beer too weak for adults.

They probably guzzle light beer. Or worse, near-beer!
posted by winna at 10:24 PM on May 1, 2008


I just want to say that I have never considered pissing in a marsupial's pouch.
posted by frecklefaerie at 10:28 PM on May 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


I just want to say that I have never considered pissing in a marsupial's pouch.

My dad always said you should try everything at least once. But he's Welsh and those dirty buggers are game for anything.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:49 PM on May 1, 2008 [2 favorites]


They're also statistically over-represented in the Darwin Awards.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:40 PM on May 1, 2008


Some people, when they realize they're in shitty, fucked-up, unhealthy relationships, wake up one day and think, "oh my god, how do I change this?" Other people in the same boat wake up one day and think, "oh my god, how do I get more of this?"

I've decided that these two charmers, both being of the latter category and evidently clinging to each other out of fear of being alone the way a toddler might cling to a parent, make a perfect match for each other. They should smoke, fuck other people, and insult each other to their hearts' content -- it helps prevent them from making other people miserable.
posted by scody at 11:49 PM on May 1, 2008 [5 favorites]


Okay, so, you know how in that '90s movie Crash they get into car accidents to get off?

Yeah.
posted by katillathehun at 12:35 AM on May 2, 2008


It better be goddamn performance art, cause otherwise "Ria" is one awful human being. Posting that you might leave your SO because you think you can get someone more attractive when you know your SO reads Metafilter? Jesus, why not just post that he's fat and has a tiny penis? Please, please, please consider never posting on Metafilter again.
posted by Justinian at 1:13 AM on May 2, 2008 [4 favorites]


Justinian: Jesus, why not just post that he's fat and has a tiny penis?

Look, Justinian, how many times do I have to say "I'm sorry" before you accept my apology? I honestly didn't think you'd mind.
posted by Kattullus at 1:57 AM on May 2, 2008 [9 favorites]


Oh, and on subject...

It's an open relationship. Polyamory is a drama factory. Sometimes the oilspills wash up on the shores of AskMe.
posted by Kattullus at 2:07 AM on May 2, 2008 [3 favorites]


They're both revolting.
posted by hjo3 at 2:15 AM on May 2, 2008


Nah, we've solved that one: we just strap ourselved to a BBQ rotisserie, switch it on, and the spinning is completely negated.

This is why so many Australians are tanned. And crispy.
posted by Sparx at 3:08 AM on May 2, 2008



Oh, and on subject...

It's an open relationship. Polyamory is a drama factory. Sometimes the oilspills wash up on the shores of AskMe.


That's on subject?
posted by rdr at 4:15 AM on May 2, 2008


Yeah, rdr, as scody mentioned, Ria and mockdeep where in an open relationship. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's been my vicarious experience that there's more drama in open relationship than non-open.
posted by Kattullus at 5:06 AM on May 2, 2008


Lots of good answers in the AskMe threads. Maybe somebody else will benefit from reading them, so the time's not totally wasted, eh?

My take is they are both immature, if it's real at all (her wording sounds formal and stilted, kind of strange for a young woman in the throes of deciding whether or not to break up with a guy). If he is nitpicky and realizes it and is going to therapy, more power to him. If she can't look beyond someone's exterior, she is in for a big surprise when she gets old and her looks go south. Maybe he'd be "better looking" if he weren't so nitpicky.

I'm kind of scared for my son for when he goes to college in a couple of years if this is what's waiting for him.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 5:20 AM on May 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


I hereby challenge these to posters to a fight in the nearest Shaw's Supermarket.

That's the traditional thing to do, right?
posted by Rock Steady at 5:22 AM on May 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


This controversy totally needs pictures.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:15 AM on May 2, 2008


This controversy totally needs pictures.

This is the boyfriend.
posted by inigo2 at 6:31 AM on May 2, 2008 [2 favorites]


Yuck.
posted by Divine_Wino at 6:34 AM on May 2, 2008


They're both revolting.
posted by hjo3
butler: My lord, the AskMe natives are revolting!
master: they are, indeed. 
posted by micayetoca at 6:52 AM on May 2, 2008 [3 favorites]


Wow, that fr0zen/xteraco thing linked to by Rock Steady is amazing. Y'all shoudl check it out if you missed it the first time around like I did.
posted by Perplexity at 7:01 AM on May 2, 2008


Wow mudpuppie nice spotting!
posted by gomichild at 7:28 AM on May 2, 2008


Yes, but a little soda water should get it right out.
posted by Koko at 7:33 AM on May 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


They are up to something. The writing is off somehow ... calculated, and similiar. And I fell for it and replied to mockdeep. I am now cranky.
posted by thinkpiece at 7:38 AM on May 2, 2008




Did Ria ever show up at that meetup?
posted by Viomeda at 8:03 AM on May 2, 2008


I passed right over the, "OMG he's not hawt enuff 4 me" AskMe because just the idea had me so riled up I felt that I couldn't reply helpfully--and now I am even more creeped out, because I know a girl who goes by the nickname of "Ria." Ugh. Stop messing with my head, AskMe!
posted by misha at 8:03 AM on May 2, 2008


Does she, erm, dance on the sand?
posted by Viomeda at 8:04 AM on May 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


dance on the sand? for example, in Rio de Janiero?
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:14 AM on May 2, 2008


"or we could just steal beer from the babies; drink it straight from their bottles!"

And let the dingos take the babies!

"because I know a girl who goes by the nickname of "Ria.""

Dia?
posted by klangklangston at 8:16 AM on May 2, 2008


What we actually use are trained kangaroos: they hop around from person to person, and if you need to relieve yourself, you just piss into their pouch.
posted by UbuRoivas


Well, dang, UbuRoivas, that's the kind of thing I'm looking for in my "cultural misperceptions" AskMe!
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 8:24 AM on May 2, 2008


Did Ria ever show up at that meetup?

That's along the lines I was thinking; they're mainly trying to generate a little advance interest to improve the chances of each of them going home with someone new when they show up together at the next meetup.
posted by jamjam at 8:27 AM on May 2, 2008


Ria and mockdeep where in an open relationship. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's been my vicarious experience that there's more drama in open relationship than non-open.

This is my experience as well, although the ratio of drama in a monogamous vs poly relationship is really sort of a frying pan vs fire situation. Meanwhile, I've decided that life's just a whole lot more pleasant when you don't play on top of the fucking stove.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 8:55 AM on May 2, 2008


Where are people getting 'open relationship' from? All I heard was 'we're very open with each other.' Not necessarily the same thing. (Both of them used the same words, in fact, which increases my own suspicion.)
posted by Viomeda at 9:04 AM on May 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


This is why answering anything in Relationship questions is just an exercise in mass egowankery, and reading it is akin to studying how other people eat their boogers in semi-public. Who is the audience for the "advice" of the answerers? Just say no.
posted by meehawl at 9:06 AM on May 2, 2008 [3 favorites]


Ah. I see. Just finished reading one of Ria's fucking novels. Jesus, she writes a lot.
posted by Viomeda at 9:07 AM on May 2, 2008


Open relationships are one of those little MetaHotButtons, like removing foreskins or cat claws.
posted by caddis at 9:08 AM on May 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


meehawl is right. I'm never answering in Relationships again. Ever never. I sometimes get the feeling people are doing character sketches, or role-playing or doing research for their novels. It's like a writing exercise.
posted by thinkpiece at 9:14 AM on May 2, 2008


Ewww, I just took a sip of water from this glass on the windowsill and it tastes really bad.
posted by quin at 10:18 AM on May 2, 2008 [2 favorites]


While looking up a cite for the nose picking study, I followed this link. Now follow his link from the word "bogeys" and it's...

Well, see for yourselves. It's a small world after all!
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 10:29 AM on May 2, 2008


I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged into their scanners, or why.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 10:42 AM on May 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


Do the cats' brains explode?
posted by waraw at 10:52 AM on May 2, 2008


Do the cats' brains explode?

What happens to a cat defurred?
posted by Skot at 11:06 AM on May 2, 2008 [10 favorites]


I hate myself.
posted by Skot at 11:07 AM on May 2, 2008


I read this somewhere re an Amy Winehouse album:

I have a weak spot for girls like Amy. It's like my life isn't interesting enough unless I'm being treated like shit by a beautiful woman who hates herself. Owning this is probably considerably cheaper than the real thing.

Feels relevant here somehow...
posted by Skorgu at 11:38 AM on May 2, 2008 [4 favorites]


I propose banning all questions about relationships. I love staring slack-jawed at a bloody trainwreck as much as the next person, but when it comes to most of these questions, if you have to ask, you're not going to understand the answer.
posted by electroboy at 12:37 PM on May 2, 2008


Plus the asker NEVER provides all the information you need to provide helpful advice. Novels could be written -- novels have been written -- with all that's left out of this kind of plea for advice. LIKE PHOTOS??????
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:59 PM on May 2, 2008


Well, see for yourselves. It's a small world after all!

Eww. I did not say anything about nose-picking!
posted by languagehat at 1:27 PM on May 2, 2008


Eww. I did not say anything about nose-picking!

No you did not. And I was rather startled to see the link there while searching for a link to put into a MeTa thread. Creepy, huh?
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 2:02 PM on May 2, 2008


Hmm, I feel bad for this guy. Seems like there are a lot of these relationships where the girl just dumps on the guy, and of course there are a lot of bad relationships where the guy just dumps on the girl as well.

I guess there's not much that can be done about this.
posted by delmoi at 2:38 PM on May 2, 2008


Here are some ideas.
posted by danb at 3:38 PM on May 2, 2008


BLAST HER.
posted by puke & cry at 7:20 PM on May 2, 2008 [2 favorites]


I just want to say that I have never considered pissing in a marsupial's pouch.

Y'know, awhile ago I was watching arerun of CSI and I realized that they had done shows about furries, chubby chasers and adult babies and I got the feeling that they had some employee combingthe internet for odd fetishes to write episodes around. I thought that maybe i could create a new fetish, propogate it on the Web and see how long it would take to get worked into a plotline. My first idea was marsupialism, people who want to be carried or carry someone ina body pouch. ialso considered taking scat to it's outer limit and creating a subculture of people who don't want to be crapped on or crap on somebody but who rather want to be crap and to that end create giant gastrointestinal tracts that they travel through. Then there was amoebaism, people who want to split in two to create another life, and starchies people who want to be cleaned and pressed and travel in circles on that carousel doohickie you see in the dry cleaners. Then there were people who get aroused by deep-frying who depending on whether they were the fryers or the fryees were known as FryDaddies and FryBabies.

I have too much free time, I guess.
posted by jonmc at 8:20 PM on May 2, 2008 [8 favorites]


^I have too much free time, I guess.

Or, not enough.
, he responded on MetaTalk, way after the thread had fallen asleep.
posted by not_on_display at 11:01 PM on May 2, 2008


Or, not enough. YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
posted by 2or3whiskeysodas at 3:36 AM on May 3, 2008 [3 favorites]


Have they done an episode about Tabitha Sorensen passing gas on cakes? If so, yeah, that pretty much proves your theory.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:11 AM on May 3, 2008


(Soren, I mean.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:32 PM on May 3, 2008


This is the boyfriend.

Dude, what's she complaining about? That guy is so hot, he's even been seen on dates with Cher!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:09 AM on May 4, 2008


I like pancakes!
posted by po at 1:12 AM on May 5, 2008


po: Who doesn't?
posted by drezdn at 7:29 AM on May 5, 2008


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