Cortex is now a full-time MeFi admin November 10, 2008 10:37 AM   Subscribe

Right this very moment, Cortex is sitting at home, sans-pants, watching the flag queue, poised with the ban-hammer, bemoaning his utter lack of head-sized doughnuts. Welcome to the Land of the Lost Full-Time MetaFilter Admins, Cortex!
posted by Plutor to MetaFilter-Related at 10:37 AM (191 comments total)

If I wasn't so blinded with fanboy-ness, I'd realize "sans pants" isn't hyphenated, and "cortex" isn't capitalized.
posted by Plutor at 10:40 AM on November 10, 2008


* weeping copious silent tears of joy *
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:41 AM on November 10, 2008 [5 favorites]


Hey! Living the dream.
posted by penduluum at 10:42 AM on November 10, 2008


Well damn, I am going to put up a Dawkins post in your honor. The central thesis of my post is that you should stay the heck out of the paint!

Congratulations!
posted by Mister_A at 10:48 AM on November 10, 2008


Right now, I actually have pants on and am putting together a couch from Ikea, but, yes. I'm deeply, deeply happy to be 100% Metafilter.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:52 AM on November 10, 2008


Missing the "woot" tag...
posted by Mister_A at 10:54 AM on November 10, 2008


So jealous. Mazel tov.
posted by amro at 10:55 AM on November 10, 2008


ohh - i'm glad i to have had comments removed by the newly full time mefite admin. i feel special. :)

good luck on the couch. those things are a beast.
posted by nadawi at 10:56 AM on November 10, 2008


Well, get to work adapting my recent murder ballad lyrics, slacker.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:56 AM on November 10, 2008


Congratulations, cortex! Yay for you and yay for Metafilter!
posted by Caduceus at 10:56 AM on November 10, 2008


Glad to see a bailout from an insurance company instead of a bailout for an insurance co for a change.
posted by AwkwardPause at 10:57 AM on November 10, 2008 [5 favorites]


sans-a-pants
posted by DU at 11:02 AM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


The office...scotch in the cupboard.

Ah, a benefit from working at home! Although scotch in the office seems to have been de rigeur in the '60s, as per most episodes of Mad Men.
posted by ericb at 11:02 AM on November 10, 2008


Yeah, but the slacker hasn't updated his blog for 2 days. Bet he would have if he was still in the corporate world.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:03 AM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Also, I'm a full-time MetaFilter user PLUS I draw a paycheck from the place I smilingly call "work". Beat that!
posted by DU at 11:03 AM on November 10, 2008


"It’s a wonderful, pants-optional world, and I am deeply grateful to have found may way to it."

Now that you've got some free time, a spelling course might be in order.

Just kidding, congrats!
posted by Grither at 11:04 AM on November 10, 2008


Congrats!
Best job in the world, best office!
posted by bru at 11:05 AM on November 10, 2008


Woo! And not a little Yay!
posted by Jofus at 11:05 AM on November 10, 2008


Good timing. I was recently hired to work from home full time writing comments to be deleted from MetaFilter. En Garde!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:06 AM on November 10, 2008 [22 favorites]


congrats, dude. Any more openings? For like official beer fetcher or Vaguely Disreputable-Looking Entourage Member? I'm available...
posted by jonmc at 11:07 AM on November 10, 2008


I can already hear the bong gurgling.
posted by plexi at 11:08 AM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Does this mean we can misbehave more since you have extra time?
posted by Justinian at 11:10 AM on November 10, 2008


Does this mean we can misbehave more since you have extra time?

NO IT FUCKING WELL DOESN'T.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:15 AM on November 10, 2008 [26 favorites]


What it means is that I can sleep in, and occasionally go out at night.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:15 AM on November 10, 2008


Congrats! I assume as full-time staff you will be submitting quarterly reports summarizing milestones reached in deletion reason humor and analyzing banning trends.
posted by Tehanu at 11:16 AM on November 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


Someone needs a beignet!
posted by Mister_A at 11:17 AM on November 10, 2008


All right! Congratulations cortex!

As an office-warming gift, I pledge not to complain in any way about the next 10 moderator decisions I would not have been able to let pass without making some kind of difficulty.
posted by jamjam at 11:17 AM on November 10, 2008


Mod for life!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:19 AM on November 10, 2008


I am not wearing any pants under the pants I am wearing - I am going to pretend I am a fulltime Metafilter mod.

Congratulations!
posted by rtha at 11:21 AM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


CORTEX HAS LEVELED UP

CORTEX HAS BECOME CORTOSAUR

+3 DEF AGAINST FIRE
+7 DEF AGAINST LION
NEW SKILL: SHIMMY
posted by Greg Nog at 11:23 AM on November 10, 2008 [61 favorites]


Slacks are really underrated. Also: trousers.
posted by mullacc at 11:23 AM on November 10, 2008


Funny: I never thought of Cortex as having a name. I blame jessamyn and mathowie for setting the precident.

And half an hour ago, the blog post was freely viewable under my own office's nannyware, and is now blocked -- Not under the Social Networking community like most blogs, but under the Sex category. Cortex, you sexy motherfucker you...
posted by lizzicide at 11:24 AM on November 10, 2008


Awesome. So you guys have a part-time opening now?
posted by Eideteker at 11:27 AM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


who the fuck is josh millard????????????????????????????????
posted by Damn That Television at 11:29 AM on November 10, 2008


Needs sanspants tag.
posted by ardgedee at 11:29 AM on November 10, 2008


I am not wearing pants.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:33 AM on November 10, 2008


Right now, I actually have pants on and am putting together a couch from Ikea

On company time?

Your blog seems to be blocked by websense due to the use of the word "sex." I'm not sure you're the type of character that should be working for a family website such as Metafilter.

Congrats, sir.
posted by bondcliff at 11:33 AM on November 10, 2008


Congrats, cortex!
posted by amyms at 11:39 AM on November 10, 2008


And half an hour ago, the blog post was freely viewable under my own office's nannyware, and is now blocked -- Not under the Social Networking community like most blogs, but under the Sex category.

Oh god dammit. It was like that for a while then appeared, recently, to no longer be blocked—which suggests that the email I wrote to them and never got a reply to might have actually worked.

Until now. Maybe time to make a phone call.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:41 AM on November 10, 2008


Finally, all of my flags will get the attention they deserve and be executed with the immediacy I require!

No more trying to make the best of... unreasonable demands.

Uh, are you new here?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:43 AM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Insurance company? I always pictured cortex working at a donut shop for his day job. Not sure why.

Anyway congrats.
posted by burnmp3s at 11:43 AM on November 10, 2008


Also, well-deserved congrats and thanks for the good work you've done so far, and will continue to do.

(If I was sucking up before, now I'm gonna make like a Australopithecus with a thigh bone filled with sweet, sweet marrow.)
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:46 AM on November 10, 2008


You work for us now, so GET ME A EX-PRESSO WIF ICE!
posted by dirtdirt at 11:48 AM on November 10, 2008


(Which is to say, "Cool! Congratulations!")
posted by dirtdirt at 11:48 AM on November 10, 2008


Congrats! Too bad that site is blocked by Websense!
posted by mattbucher at 11:49 AM on November 10, 2008


But what are you going to do now when it's time to screw around at work? "Ah, I'm sick of this shit, I guess I'll sneak in a little data entry."
posted by nanojath at 11:50 AM on November 10, 2008 [6 favorites]


Oh. So that's why you're playing less Halo?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:52 AM on November 10, 2008


Now you can get a cat!
posted by Mister_A at 11:54 AM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


How soon until the multi-screen projection "War Room" is installed so you can monitor 20 threads at once AND play some Fallout, all from the comfort of a MeFi embroidered logo motorized leather recliner?

Congrats on sloughing off the corporate skin!
posted by Burhanistan at 11:55 AM on November 10, 2008


Having full-time employees means mathowie has officially joined the ranks of The Man.

Expect his jackboot upon our faces any day now.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 11:59 AM on November 10, 2008 [4 favorites]


Dude, this is the perfect time to start doing hard drugs!
posted by The Straightener at 12:00 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


oh my god! why do *i* feel so grown up all of a sudden?

does this mean metafilter is getting respectable?
posted by msconduct at 12:01 PM on November 10, 2008


You say that everytime.
posted by Mister_A at 12:04 PM on November 10, 2008


ALL HAIL CORTEX, PRIME MINISTER OF NOPANTSISTAN.
posted by rmd1023 at 12:06 PM on November 10, 2008


You mean... you haven't been full-time this whole time?

Wait, really?
posted by lunit at 12:08 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Mazel tov!
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:08 PM on November 10, 2008


Pictures, please.
posted by ColdChef at 12:09 PM on November 10, 2008


If my employe prepared for his full time job by building a new couch, I would be highly suspicious of his work ethic.
posted by Cranberry at 12:13 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yay - congrats!
posted by typewriter at 12:13 PM on November 10, 2008


If my employe prepared for his full time job by building a new couch, I would be highly suspicious of his work ethic.

Wouldn't you just know that 5lb tubs of dicklube were on sale, too!
posted by The Straightener at 12:18 PM on November 10, 2008


Good on ya, cortex. And since you're rocking the pantless look now, perhaps you're in the market for these?
posted by Lynsey at 12:20 PM on November 10, 2008


See, Josh, I told you if I kept picking fights they'd have to hire you full-time. Now howsabout that kickback?
posted by klangklangston at 12:21 PM on November 10, 2008


In before "I, for one, welcome ..."
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:31 PM on November 10, 2008


I, for one, welcome our new pantsless cortex overlords.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:32 PM on November 10, 2008


cortex, think of me as job security, my friend.
posted by Mister_A at 12:37 PM on November 10, 2008


Congratulations. I will second the "now you can get a cat!"
posted by Secretariat at 12:41 PM on November 10, 2008


Work at home, work elsewhere, doesn't matter. A comatose person could have a cat. What you need is a dog.

Also, vi forever! And consoles suck!
posted by Plutor at 12:44 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


A cat would eat a comatose person. Or sufficate him by sleeping on his face.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:47 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


It’s a wonderful, pants-optional world, and I am deeply grateful to have found may way to it. Thanks, Matt, for making this possible.

Who correct's you're typo's?
posted by vito90 at 12:47 PM on November 10, 2008




Congratulations, cortex!
posted by sveskemus at 12:51 PM on November 10, 2008


Does this mean you're going to be on the podcast now, Cortex?
posted by davejay at 12:57 PM on November 10, 2008


You do good work, sir. Congratulations!
posted by carsonb at 1:00 PM on November 10, 2008


Congrats! Welcome to pants-free employment (the very best kind).
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:00 PM on November 10, 2008


Huh. Cortex's own words make it sound like he's going to spend his days drinking scotch, listening to music, and surfing growed-up websites. And if mathowie gives him any guff, he'll stick it to The Man, (The Man now being mathowie).

Might wanna rethink this.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 1:02 PM on November 10, 2008


I bet it was my $5 that made all of this financially possible.
You can thank me now.
posted by cimbrog at 1:03 PM on November 10, 2008


Congratulations cortex.
posted by 517 at 1:04 PM on November 10, 2008


We'll expect 8 songs a day. It will be (willen haven be?) how Mefites will get their news until the unfortunate tuba accident of 2023.
posted by xorry at 1:11 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Awesome! Now I can flag a lot more comments!
posted by oaf at 1:17 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Slacking without slacks -- or even just sans-a-belt - that's livin'. Congratulations.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 1:23 PM on November 10, 2008


Pants. I'm for 'em. Congrats!
posted by MarshallPoe at 1:25 PM on November 10, 2008


.
posted by OmieWise at 1:32 PM on November 10, 2008


To steal my 7 year-old's favorite word - AWEsome!!!

Nice one.
posted by Nick Verstayne at 1:40 PM on November 10, 2008


congrats! blahblahblah i'll keep you busy blahblahblah comment deletion!
posted by shmegegge at 1:41 PM on November 10, 2008


cortex,
Do you get an official pony now?
posted by lukemeister at 1:41 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yay! Well-deserved.
posted by batmonkey at 1:41 PM on November 10, 2008


Be warned: Fallout 3 ends when you finish the main quest.

Yeah, I know. I was shocked, too.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:46 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Fallout 3 is a GREAT game for a while (although it isn't very Fallouty). But it's trivially easy even on harder difficulties, probably so as not to scare away the konsole kids.

Wait, what are we talking about Fallout for?
posted by Justinian at 1:49 PM on November 10, 2008


Nice, this explains cortex's recent obsession with homelessness.

I've been reading metafilter for a long time, I remember when cortex was nothing more than this n00b with the long winded comments and boring anecdotes.

I remember when he was a few weeks away from graduation, still scalded from the time he got caught plagiarizing a classmate's code.

A week or so after he joined, he was already trying to make peace between other posters, being all rational and conciliatory.

I remember when he became an annoying contrarian serial meta poster, always sucking up to the man and acting as self appointed hall monitor.

Damn am I jealous. In the 7 years it took cortex to become a full time moderator, all I achieved was going from a perpetually stoned, socially conscious and active, politically motivated, world traveling designer in a third world country to coder in a top company in the US, singlehandedly writing apps that are used by millions every day, with a bunch of stock options, a wife, a top 5% income, a nice apartment in a managed building, and 2 bottles of rum on my desk at work to help me forget how I have become what I hated so much when I was 25.

Congratulations you donut loving bastard.
posted by dirty lies at 1:56 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yay, congrats cortex!
posted by Pronoiac at 2:00 PM on November 10, 2008


Ewww.
posted by Mister_A at 2:00 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


I bought donuts today for 'Dads and Donuts' at my daughter's school tomorrow.

I think I will have one in your honor. Congrats!!
posted by pearlybob at 2:01 PM on November 10, 2008


Good on ya, cortex. And since you're rocking the pantless look now, perhaps you're in the market for these?

I expected better from you, Lynsey. You've been around here long enough that that should have been a link to assless chaps.

I've already congratulated cortex over at his place, so here I'll just say: what are you standing around for? Get to work!
posted by languagehat at 2:03 PM on November 10, 2008


I am delighted for you cortex, and really pleased to be a member of this community.
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:05 PM on November 10, 2008


Podcast can has cortex now?

Also, congrats cortex!
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:05 PM on November 10, 2008


What I would like to see is a link to assed chaps.
posted by dirty lies at 2:13 PM on November 10, 2008


And now that he has more time for Metafilter, he can go on periodic business trips where he tracks down then kidnaps and tortures SEO link spammers, displayed on a live webcam via his Macbook.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:15 PM on November 10, 2008


Congrats, cortex! I'm always surprised that MetaFilter brings in enough money to pay staff, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
posted by grouse at 2:15 PM on November 10, 2008


Hiring on a downturn? Does this mean someone else is getting laid off? Is it me?

Also, why do I get the feeling that now that he's getting paid, we're going to see a lot less of him?
posted by blue_beetle at 2:28 PM on November 10, 2008


Congrats cortex! Although this does cut down the chances I'll run into you on the street again. Well, that and the fact that I live in Salem. But anywho, don't let the power go to your dome too much.
posted by friendlyjuan at 2:31 PM on November 10, 2008


Aw, languagehat, you know I live in California and since Prop 8 passed, much to my disappointment, we're gonna have to keep the assless chaps under wraps. Perhaps - perhaps when the folks it affects are able to get the California Supreme Court to keep Prop 8 from being enacted, we can have assless chap posts again. Until then, this'll have to do ya.

Didja notice all the rhymes in my post, didja?
posted by Lynsey at 2:45 PM on November 10, 2008


This is good.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:45 PM on November 10, 2008


I knew an assless chap, once. His legs went all the way up to here! *indicates neck*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:00 PM on November 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


Oh geez, now I have to be careful what I post on the blue? Yeah, congratulations, Josh. Confuckingratulations.

(Seriously, YOU WIN AT JOB LOTTO! Good on you!)
posted by not_on_display at 3:02 PM on November 10, 2008


Wait a minute, cortex is a person? Shit, I thought he was a mod bot...

Cograts real person cortex! (I still don't know how you failed the Turing Test...)
posted by ob at 3:10 PM on November 10, 2008


Assed chaps are, how to say, pants. Asslessness is the sine-qua-non condition of chaps.
posted by boo_radley at 3:29 PM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


Well damn, I am going to put up a Dawkins post in your honor.

Mister_A,
Until I clicked on your link, I was using all my limited brainpower to figure out the connection between Richard Dawkins and cortex. Now I know it's all about the Chocolate Thunder donuts.
posted by lukemeister at 3:39 PM on November 10, 2008


Oh, fuck. Now where am I going to hang out while smoking crack naked on weekdays? I'm not allowed in the library anymore. Jessamyn said so.

Yo, cortex. That new couch better not be white.
posted by loquacious at 3:45 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Welcome home!!!
posted by odinsdream at 3:46 PM on November 10, 2008


I will add my congrats and be working on a much longer wish list of all kinds of new add-ons for you to moderate...hehehehehehehe....
posted by bjgeiger at 3:48 PM on November 10, 2008


This thread needs more less pants.
posted by baphomet at 3:49 PM on November 10, 2008


It's a bittersweet moment for me, as Matt said I would get the next full time position.* But nevertheless all the best to you brother.

*He didn't actually say it, but his aura pulsated in a pretty deliberate way.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:51 PM on November 10, 2008


Does this mean you're going to be on the podcast now, Cortex?

I second this question.
posted by danb at 3:57 PM on November 10, 2008


Folks, the pantslessness of our beloved mod is not a lifestyle choice but a purely rational economic decision. MetaFilter does not pay its mods enough to buy another pair of pants, so cortex has to make his current pants last as long as his current job. Assuming he ever gets to leave the house.

Congratulations!
posted by Quietgal at 3:58 PM on November 10, 2008


I am gonna try some podcasting, yeah. Now that I won't be at work when Matt and Jess normally record 'em, it makes sense to give it a shot.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:00 PM on November 10, 2008


Pffft, cortex is awesome enough to give a Turing Test a little extra credit.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:06 PM on November 10, 2008


Holy crap, there is a payroll around here? Wow.

Congrats, cortex.
posted by paisley henosis at 4:13 PM on November 10, 2008


Huh. I didn't realize Mathowie hated cortex so much that he'd put him on full-time admin. Surely that's in the realm of unusual and cruel punishments. Fight it, cortex! Start a fund, we'll try to save you!
posted by five fresh fish at 4:15 PM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


There's a lot more we'll learn about cortex now. For example, cortex would have to be one of the most considerate husbands ever. He doesn't like to hear his wife struggling with the vacuuming, so he alternates between the following:

a) Goes out to his shed and plays with his instruments, or
b) Turns up the volume on the computer.
posted by netbros at 4:21 PM on November 10, 2008


Sun dress, tea dress, or are we talking about one of those long billowy winter types of dresses? Or even a nice, bright red Monroe type; with a black ban-hammer on front?
posted by buzzman at 4:32 PM on November 10, 2008


That's pretty darn cool. Good on ya!
posted by Stewriffic at 4:47 PM on November 10, 2008


Where are the donuts?

I was told there would be donuts....
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:49 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


I have left, or will at some point leave, a really vile and trollish comment in one of the many active threads here on Metafilter for you, cortex. Nobody flag it or draw it to his attention in any way - let's see what this fellow is really made of!
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:09 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Arsecandle.
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:10 PM on November 10, 2008


Oh man I did it wrong!
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:10 PM on November 10, 2008


Arsecandling and Arsecandle Industries.

I suppose it's something like earcandling, only more so.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:43 PM on November 10, 2008


"I am gonna try some podcasting, yeah."

Woohoo! Does this mean we could have MORE podcasts? FYI: that would be great.
posted by saturnine at 5:46 PM on November 10, 2008


Congrats man.
posted by metastability at 5:48 PM on November 10, 2008


Metafilter: It's recession-proof.
posted by scblackman at 5:54 PM on November 10, 2008


Am I the only one who wants to know which IKEA couch he purchased?
posted by deborah at 6:10 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Does this have anything to do with that electronic ankle bracelet you have to wear now due to the pants incident?
posted by Sailormom at 6:22 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Now that I won't be at work when Matt and Jess normally record 'em
But the beauty of this is that you will.
posted by scrump at 6:27 PM on November 10, 2008


You're the best of the bearded moderators. Always have been. I swoon right at you. Fast! I weaponize swooning in your honor.

Alls I know is, you better have that damn chicken pot pie for the wife done and set out coolin' by 6pm sharp.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:54 PM on November 10, 2008


Right now, I actually have pants on and am putting together a couch from Ikea

I'm also a pantless employee, and I can say from experience that putting together flat-pack furniture is one of those rare times when you really do need to put the pants back on.

Those butt end joints can give you a very nasty nip if you aren't paying attention. And when you can crack out the bong at any time of the day or night, the times when you aren't payng attention can be many and varied -- especially in the first few months.

So, my advice for a happy work life is this:

At the computer -- let your parts flow free
Doing janitorial tasks -- get the pants back on
Going shopping on company time -- at your own discretion here, depending on your tolerance for prison
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:27 PM on November 10, 2008


Yay! Huzzahs! Congratses, cortex!

I don't know whether I should feel better or worse about pestering cortex about some obscure minutiae of MetaFilter history over IM now that it's not while he's working for an insurance company.

Better.

No, worse.

Better.

Okay, worse.

Surely better, now that he kinda gets paid for this kind of nonsense.


No, worse... he could be doing something useful, like... uh... writing songs or something.

posted by Kattullus at 7:44 PM on November 10, 2008


I am very pleased that an activity I still see as "fucking off" is now fully supporting not one, but two, people (have y'all forgot that mathowie quit his day job a while back?). This clearly bodes well for "fucking off" as a career move.
posted by yhbc at 7:59 PM on November 10, 2008


I think it's four people; I work here too (crummy 73 cents on the dollar) and so does pb.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:21 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


My emphasis was on the "fully", jess; but I didn't mean to leave you or pb out.
posted by yhbc at 8:25 PM on November 10, 2008


(crummy 73 cents on the dollar)

[not canadaist]

posted by cortex (staff) at 8:29 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Congratulations, cortex!
posted by onalark at 8:33 PM on November 10, 2008


Oh yes, I also lifeguard, that's right.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:33 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


i call canada-ist on preview no i dont
posted by not_on_display at 8:34 PM on November 10, 2008


do you get paid in pancakes

love

sgt (age 6)
posted by sgt.serenity at 9:34 PM on November 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


DONUT NATION! DO-NUT! DO-NUT! DO-NUT!
posted by taz at 10:23 PM on November 10, 2008


*patiently waits for stats on everything*
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:29 PM on November 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


I am once again SO late for this party, but let me say:

As you graduate from the cubicle world to Work 2.0, CONGRADUATIONS!!!

If I'd known you were working for an INSURANCE company, I'd have had a lot more sympathy for you. An insurance company job almost stole my soul in the late '80s and my father, who worked in the insurance biz for 30 years... well, I'm still not convinced he ever had a soul, but I digress.

At least it did wendell for you.

And I know there are slackers without pants, but are there panters without slack?

Just DONUT do anything I wouldn't D'oh! (And DONUT do a lot of things I would)
posted by wendell at 12:32 AM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


Congrats cortex!
posted by zarah at 12:50 AM on November 11, 2008


Good on ya, 'tex!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:53 AM on November 11, 2008


Vermont is part of Canada, right?
posted by lukemeister at 1:13 AM on November 11, 2008


This rocks! Congrats cortex!
posted by vacapinta at 1:36 AM on November 11, 2008


Did he get the memo about the full-time mod hair length (above the collar), and the compulsary name change (from Millard to Metard)?

Congrats anyway, dude. Hope it's worth it.
posted by Devils Slide at 1:39 AM on November 11, 2008


You're the best of the bearded moderators.

Now that hurts.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:08 AM on November 11, 2008


matt needs to hire some full-time posters as well. there has been a marked dearth of FPP per day in recent months.
posted by krautland at 2:10 AM on November 11, 2008


You all make me sick. Remember what this guy did to paphnuty.
posted by Catfry at 2:46 AM on November 11, 2008 [3 favorites]


Hey, I got fired, too! I also have a fish in the pants I'm not wearing.

Congratulations!
posted by trip and a half at 3:20 AM on November 11, 2008


Can you get tenure?
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:15 AM on November 11, 2008


(But seriously, congrats Cortex and this is Good News for Metafilter, though not for John McCain)!
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:15 AM on November 11, 2008


I'm at work. I clicked the link in the first post, and got
"[firm's] IT Security Policy restricts access to this web page.
Reason: The Websense category "Sex" is filtered."

I am so curious right now.
posted by Infinite Jest at 5:54 AM on November 11, 2008


Congratulations, cortex!

I think it's four people; I work here too (crummy 73 cents on the dollar)

You've made this joke before, jessamyn. Is it true?
posted by anotherpanacea at 6:22 AM on November 11, 2008


Statistically it is true, panacea.
posted by Mister_A at 6:54 AM on November 11, 2008


However, since jessamyn gets paid in maple syrup and eggs, it is hard to compare her compensation directly to that of the other mods. This pie chart may help.
posted by Mister_A at 6:57 AM on November 11, 2008


Oh yes, I also lifeguard, that's right.

Lifeguard and mefi mod - isn't that...redundant?
posted by rtha at 7:20 AM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


anotherpanacea: "You've made this joke before, jessamyn. Is it true?"

1) I'm not certain Jessamyn is a paid employee. I think that cortex and jessamyn were, last week, both unpaid volunteers (not sure about pb). I may be mistaken, and I have no knowledge either way whether this has changed.
2) If I'm wrong about #1, she probably doesn't get paid as much as cortex since it's not her full-time job.
3) If it were, I'd be extremely surprised if Matt wasn't paying everyone the exact same pay grade.
4) If he wasn't, there'd be an uprising.
posted by Plutor at 7:27 AM on November 11, 2008


Oh, and I forgot about Poland vacapinta. I think he's unpaid also.
posted by Plutor at 7:28 AM on November 11, 2008


Jessamyn is very much a paid employee. I was a paid part-time employee too, but now I am a paid-more full-time employee. pb get the scratch as well.

All of it in giftcards.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:34 AM on November 11, 2008


I get paid by the companies whose products I plug here at every given opportunity.
posted by sveskemus at 7:44 AM on November 11, 2008


You know Cortex you should really try pants
posted by Mastercheddaar at 7:50 AM on November 11, 2008


I knew a med student who went to some med school in the Caribbean. He worked in a bar, but the owner didn't have enough money to pay him a proper wage so he was mostly paid in shots of hard liquor.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:52 AM on November 11, 2008


Oh sure, it all starts off with happy feelings and congratulations, but this is like the beginning of some psychedelic horror movie where our hero cortex gets that promotion he's always wanted, and by the end of the long slippery slope of moral conundrums, he's covered in blood and tattoos of the list of those he has yet to kill.

Or as we call it in my office, "casual Friday".

[I'm happy for you. Congrats]
posted by quin at 7:52 AM on November 11, 2008


I always wondered how the hell you managed to admin and hold down a day job. Now I don't have to wonder anymore!
posted by absalom at 8:00 AM on November 11, 2008


all flag and no fave makes cortex a dull boy
all flag and no fave makes cortex a dull boy
all flag and no fave makes cortex a dull boy
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:04 AM on November 11, 2008 [2 favorites]


So you guys have a part-time opening now?

Well, I know cortex does!

Don't delete me, bro!
posted by slimepuppy at 8:33 AM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


I am gonna try some podcasting, yeah. Now that I won't be at work when Matt and Jess normally record 'em, it makes sense to give it a shot.

I recommend you keep your mouth shut until there's a lull in the conversation, and then start singing something about your long hard journey at the top of your lungs (but very far away from the microphone) until they think of something to say again.

this is what I do for a living, feels like some days
posted by davejay at 10:10 AM on November 11, 2008


cortex: "Jessamyn is very much a paid employee. I was a paid part-time employee too, but now I am a paid-more full-time employee. pb get the scratch as well."

Well, shit. Good for Matt. Good for all of us.
posted by Plutor at 10:39 AM on November 11, 2008


You're getting paid more now? You're still getting dented cans of food, though, right?
posted by Pronoiac at 11:10 AM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


These new ones have better dents.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:23 AM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


It's a dents dents revolution.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:41 AM on November 11, 2008 [2 favorites]


Bravo!
posted by homunculus at 2:04 PM on November 11, 2008


Kudos to cortex! Now, how about a mod in the Asia-daytime timezone? Say, someone in Tokyo? or Seoul?
posted by gen at 3:23 PM on November 11, 2008


[Some comments removed. This isn't here for you to air your pants-optional prejudices. Please don't do this here. Thanks.]
posted by wfrgms at 3:54 PM on November 11, 2008 [3 favorites]


Kudos to cortex! Now, how about a mod in the Asia-daytime timezone? Say, someone in Tokyo? or Seoul?

I have decided after long deliberation I would sell my soul and/or firstborn child for a shot at a Metafilter gig. An unpaid one even; I enjoy feeling useful. Sadly, my soul is mortgaged to the hilt, and I'm not sure what's going to happen on the whole kids front, but still.

Then again, were the mathowie-miracle to happen, it might inspire me to actually move the family back to North America after all these years, which would defeat the whole geographic purpose of giving me the tap on the shoulder in the first place.

Sigh.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:12 PM on November 11, 2008


2) If I'm wrong about #1, she probably doesn't get paid as much as cortex since it's not her full-time job.

We're both what passes for full-time. Full-time is sort of a misnomer though because working here is a combination of all-the-time and "oh hey I'm going hiking today so can someone keep an eye on things?" This gets complicated because I have other jobs too and until recently, so did cortex (hooray again!). All of us have blurry work/life boundaries; it's hacker ethic work.

Lifeguard and mefi mod - isn't that...redundant?

That's actually exactly the same joke I make about lifeguarding and librarianship. I basically have one skill.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:22 PM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


Mazel tov, cortex!

*is late to the thread and is wondering what exactly 'pants optional prejudices' are*
posted by elfgirl at 7:22 PM on November 11, 2008


That's actually exactly the same joke I make about lifeguarding and librarianship. I basically have one skill.

You realize that means your career life is not complete until you've worked as a prison guard.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:49 PM on November 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


jessamyn: That's actually exactly the same joke I make about lifeguarding and librarianship. I basically have one skill.

Glowering at people until they stop doing what they shouldn't be doing?
posted by Kattullus at 9:54 PM on November 11, 2008


If jessamyn ever glowered at me I would cry. I'm getting teary just considering the idea that she might glower at me.
posted by cgc373 at 10:37 PM on November 11, 2008


Statistically it is true, panacea.

Well, the statistics I've seen suggest the gender gap in pay is at 76%, so 73 cents on the dollar sounds like a very specific number to be throwing around.

Perhaps it reflects the exchange rate for dented-can-to-pancake transactions?
posted by anotherpanacea at 4:02 AM on November 12, 2008


I, too, am surprised to learn that "cortex" is not his real name :-) Kudos to him - and to MeFi.
posted by davidmsc at 8:31 AM on November 12, 2008


Hey! I want to be pants-less. Oh wait. Hey...I want to be paid to be pants-less!

Congrats Cortex, couldn't happen to a nicer brain.
posted by dejah420 at 3:10 PM on November 12, 2008


You guys get 6 more employees, then there's Dental and 401k!

Grats Cortex. ZOMBIE THREAD GO.
posted by cavalier at 11:25 AM on November 17, 2008


braaaaaaiiinnnss
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:14 PM on November 17, 2008


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