"Was the post on Ask Metafilter about ME???" February 4, 2009 11:44 AM   Subscribe

Busted by AskMe: have you ever posted a question about a relationship to AskMe, only to have the person you were writing about discover the post and call you out on it?

Intrigued by the fact that this recent AskMe post was deleted at the request of the poster, and further intrigued that the poster posted anonymously, and speculating that perhaps the reason the post was deleted was because the girlfriend discovered the post and realized that it was about her, I wonder: have YOU ever written an AskMe post about how to solve a problem in your relationship with your boss/SO/sister/whomever, only to have that person read your post, realize it was about them, and confront you about it?

How did it work out for you? Did it destroy your relationship? Perhaps it helped your relationship? I can see it going both ways.
posted by billysumday to MetaFilter-Related at 11:44 AM (158 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

I wouldn't assume it was closed because the SO found out, it may have been that he was just tired of hearing people trash her.
posted by piratebowling at 11:50 AM on February 4, 2009


I often post anonymous relationship questions about my love affair with myself, then find them, and call myself out on them. It gets quite messy.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:55 AM on February 4, 2009 [8 favorites]


What would be more embarrassing:

A) seeing a personal question on AskMe and publicly calling out your significant other for posting said question?

or

B) seeing a personal question on AskMe and publicly calling out your significant other for posting said question and then being wrong?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.
posted by ob at 11:58 AM on February 4, 2009


You're so vain I bet you think this post is about you.
posted by marxchivist at 11:59 AM on February 4, 2009 [42 favorites]


I suspect having your loved one called gross by a lot of commenters (myself included) is going to make you feel bad about the post. (That is why I think this post was deleted.)

And there has been at least one post here where the person the post was about showed up to bitch about their significant other. (The dude was spending his money on civics or something stupid like that. Anyone remember?)
posted by chunking express at 11:59 AM on February 4, 2009


Well, I've been staying with this couple for a while, and they keep trying to get rid of me. Seems like every week, there's some new question about "How can we get ol' Percy out of here?" I'm all, "Geez, I get the damn message already. I'm looking for a sublet, can you frickin' lay off, bro?"
posted by Percy the Scarab-Bedazzled Skull at 12:00 PM on February 4, 2009 [94 favorites]


ob, you bring up a good point. I wonder, then, on the other side of the divide, if anyone has ever read a question and thought, "Oh shit, that question is definitely about me, what do I do!" Has anyone ever confronted a loved one/coworker/sibling about a question on AskMe and, if so, how did it go? All answers go to ob, please.
posted by billysumday at 12:00 PM on February 4, 2009 [2 favorites]


My girlfriend can pick out anonymous things that I've written immediately, which means that I don't ask anonymous questions about her.
posted by klangklangston at 12:02 PM on February 4, 2009


Do skulls count?

On preview, what he said.
posted by dead cousin ted at 12:02 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I often post anonymous relationship questions about my love affair with myself

Dude, you could do so much better.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:03 PM on February 4, 2009 [14 favorites]


I assume all questions about significant others were posted about me, even the ones with the wrong genders (she's wiley, afterall!). I confront my woman on each and every one of them. She (and her sockpuppets) friggin deny it, but I know. I know.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 12:04 PM on February 4, 2009 [2 favorites]


My SO doesn't understand the purpose of a site like this, so I don't have to worry. :)
posted by Night_owl at 12:04 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


chunking express: The fr0zen/xteraco thread?
posted by timetoevolve at 12:07 PM on February 4, 2009 [9 favorites]


Is this about me?
posted by Sailormom at 12:08 PM on February 4, 2009


BTW, the answer to the question posed in the title of this post is:

"Well why don't you smell your ass and see?"

I think that I may also use that as my answer for all New Yorker Caption Competitions from now on.
posted by ob at 12:08 PM on February 4, 2009 [8 favorites]


I had an online journal before "blog" was a coined term. This was last century. My roommates and friends all loved it because they felt like celebrities. But I never used any names, not my own and not theirs. This was pre-google but I was paranoid even then about the ability for the dots to be connected by someone.

I lived in a group house then. Both of my housemates copied the idea and started their own online journals. One was very embarrassed when a co-worked found his descriptions of doing drugs and having consensual sex with a minor. The other was threatened with a lawsuit for liable when a co-worker read his online diary. They took theirs down, and I did the same. It was an important lesson about putting your personal business online.

And that other thread, he should have given her the stink-hand using her own butt.
posted by peeedro at 12:12 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I just really, really wish there were some way that a person who is RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A RESPONSE could get some sort of SIGNAL that the AskMe has been DELETED so they could stop typing all that shit out and previewing for NO GOOD REASON.
posted by pineapple at 12:13 PM on February 4, 2009 [14 favorites]


"Well why don't you smell your ass and see?"

Forget the New Yorker...I know what my AskMe will be this week!
posted by gnomeloaf at 12:16 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I stand by my comment in that thread. The similarity to another, more believable recent askme sets off my BS detector, or at least my "WTF-Is-Up-With-MetaFilter's-Freakishly-Low-Standards" detector, which has an alarm that plays SemiSonic's "Closing Time" at high volume and is hard to ignore.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:24 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


I like to pretend that every anonymous askme is written by my SO, and she does the same. It makes for fun conversations.
posted by speicus at 12:26 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I like to pretend that every anonymous askme is written by my SO, and she does the same. It makes for fun conversations.

So you both have problems wiping/washing your asses? Sounds like you were made for each other.
posted by dead cousin ted at 12:29 PM on February 4, 2009


I have to say, probably the absolute worst reason to ever, ever get a dog is in hopes that the dog will eat your girlfriend's undies so that she will be forced to admit that she has a hygiene problem.
posted by Ms. Saint at 12:34 PM on February 4, 2009 [59 favorites]


Get a dog and "accidentally" leave her dirty underwear on the floor. The dog will eat it. Mention to your girlfriend that the more soiled an article of clothing is, the more appealing it is to the dog. ... With said dog that you got in step 3, give that dog regular baths. When your girlfriend notices a smell (which will be more noticeable since the apartment is very clean due to step 1) and tries to blame the dog, mention that you just washed the dog and it can't be that.

Genius.
posted by Krrrlson at 12:34 PM on February 4, 2009


I recall a thread where the OP made a post, I think it was about spending time at christmas or otherwise some kind of time management thing, and the op's sig-o popped in the thread to comment. It's happened a couple of different times that I've seen, actually.
posted by cashman at 12:37 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


timetoevolve: That thread is classic, and exactly what I was looking for, you Metafilter pussies. I wonder how their relationship survived such a weird over-the-interwebs argument, though, if it survived at all.
posted by billysumday at 12:41 PM on February 4, 2009


I often post anonymous relationship questions about my love affair with myself

DTMFA
posted by joe lisboa at 12:44 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


dog eating undies = canary in a coalmine?
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 12:47 PM on February 4, 2009


My cat licks my head.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 12:49 PM on February 4, 2009 [4 favorites]


I like to assume all the anonymous "What fantastic gift should I get to surprise my girlfriend?" questions are about me.

My SO tells me to my face when I smell like butt or feet or rotting dragon crotch, so I'm not worried on that front.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:57 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


How do the mods verify that the person asking for an Anonymous question to be deleted is the person who posted it? Could someone claim to be the poster of a question they didn't write and have it deleted it?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:58 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I think it's possible, sure.

On that other post...I'd spent all of a break writing up a how-to on that issue based on my success in that realm and posted just as it was deleted. And I hadn't composed in notepad like I normally do, so it was all lost. Dangit. I felt bad for the poster, his gf, and me all at the same time. Then I went and brushed my teeth and felt better, wishing I could send that to OP & OPgf.

If you're reading, OP on that hygiene thingie, there is hope! I'm sorry folks were abrasive about it.
posted by batmonkey at 12:59 PM on February 4, 2009


Not a relationship question, but an SO has answered a question before.
posted by Pronoiac at 1:01 PM on February 4, 2009 [2 favorites]


Good question, ThePinkSuperhero. I wonder if the mods could give anonymous posters a "pin number" or something for each anonymous question, and if you wanted to edit/add to/delete the thread, you'd have to type in the appropriate four number pin to prove that you are the original anonymous poster.
posted by billysumday at 1:02 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I was SURE that this post was written by my boyfriend.

I asked, he said it wasn't.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:03 PM on February 4, 2009


How do the mods verify that the person asking for an Anonymous question to be deleted is the person who posted it? Could someone claim to be the poster of a question they didn't write and have it deleted it?

We can verify anonymous authorship when we need to. Anyone found to be making that sort of false claim would be gone, period.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:04 PM on February 4, 2009


hellboundforcheddar, I dated a guy for a while who had a cat that did the same thing, only when there was something in his hair, though (water, hair wax, anything like that). It was kind of adorable to watch. The cat used to be a stray and was super anti-social, the guy was bordering on misanthropic, so they formed this weird, symbiotic relationship that was pretty sweet to see.
posted by piratebowling at 1:04 PM on February 4, 2009


A little while ago I deduced the identity of an anonymous questioner, a person I didn't even know was on Metafilter but who gave so many personal details that I was able to know who it was instantly. I have considered mentioning this to the person, so that their future questions will be more anonymous, but I feel that it would be weird. So I probably won't.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:31 PM on February 4, 2009


(The dude was spending his money on civics or something stupid like that. Anyone remember?)

That'll be fr0zen & xteraco.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:32 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


Busted by AskMe: have you ever posted a question about a relationship to AskMe, only to have the person you were writing about discover the post and call you out on it?

I don't think the person would admit it, you know?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:32 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


From the Ask that Potomac Avenue linked, regarding confronting the boyfriend about skidmarks in his bathrobe: He didn't say much but said he would "work on it."

Why wasn't this sidebarred?
posted by dirtdirt at 1:37 PM on February 4, 2009


I've been "attacked" on here (and on other sites, which he uses his profile to link to) by a petty ex. Sort of "OMG my ex-GF = baby-eater #1 psycho Bware!!!1" stuff. It's died down in recent years(!), but apparently the tirades against me continue IRL, if he chances to meet my friends.

Just occasional nuggets of comedy that lighten my mefi experience.
posted by Catch at 1:40 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


25 things about me:
posted by fixedgear at 1:42 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I would call our relationship more parasitic.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 1:42 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


If I was dating or married to someone who regularly read metafilter, the only reason I'd post something about our relationship to askme, even anonymously, would be because I wanted them to find it.

"So, my girlfriend thinks it's totally my fault that the laundry isn't done, and I'm all like 'what the fuck, i did it last time. it's your turn.' I'm right, aren't I?" [more inside]

"I'm totally right."
posted by Anonymous at 4:51pm on February 4
posted by shmegegge at 1:54 PM on February 4, 2009 [18 favorites]


I'm continually disappointed that there aren't any anonymous AskMe's about me and how to cope with the fact that I am so infinitely awesome.

It's probably because I wash my butt.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 1:55 PM on February 4, 2009 [2 favorites]


dog eating undies = canary in a coalmine?

Well great; now I'm singing it.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:58 PM on February 4, 2009


"I often post anonymous relationship questions about my love affair with myself"

Dump The Masturbation Fiend Already.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 2:02 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


That'll be fr0zen & xteraco.

Holy shit! I just read this whole thing and man oh man is it shitty.

Another example of this:

http://ask.metafilter.com/87340/How-do-I-reestablish-my-wife%E2%80%99s-trust-in-me

http://ask.metafilter.com/87340/How-do-I-reestablish-my-wife%E2%80%99s-trust-in-me#1289737
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:06 PM on February 4, 2009 [5 favorites]


It is... not in the best interest of my safety to post such things, so no.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 2:12 PM on February 4, 2009


Another question: if AskMe had the ability to have closed threads, would they be used in an example like this? There were a ton of answers in that thread, given by people acting in (mostly) good faith. Should they be hidden away just because someone goes "gee, nevermind"? Especially when it's an anonymous question, where the lack of identifying details is *the entire point*.
posted by smackfu at 2:13 PM on February 4, 2009


The fr0zen/xteraco thread?

I am late to work because of that link. Holy hell.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:21 PM on February 4, 2009


And there has been at least one post here where the person the post was about showed up to bitch about their significant other. (The dude was spending his money on civics or something stupid like that. Anyone remember?)

There was another one that escalated into a full flameout when some guy posted about how his wife was an insufferable nag and she showed up and chewed him out about his ridiculous WoW habit or somesuch.

The one that always worries me is when you see the abusive relationship sanity check questions ("My kids are afraid to be alone with my wife, is this normal?", "My boyfriend smashes my stuff and calls me names") being seen by the other party and triggering an escalation before the asker can GTFO.
posted by rodgerd at 2:22 PM on February 4, 2009


I am late to work because of that link. Holy hell.

I can't check the link from where I am, but there should be a caricature ("I shouldn't have to get a job if I don't want to") somewhere here.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:35 PM on February 4, 2009


My very first (non-anonymous) question was about potentially breaking off my relationship; I'm now married to the guy. He isn't aware that I was thinking of breaking it off at the time, and AFAIK he's never checked my posting history. I don't think he even knows my username.
posted by desjardins at 2:36 PM on February 4, 2009


Sweet baby moses. I got my girlfriend a dog about 5 years ago. My girlfriend does not have a hygiene problem. I did not get her a dog so that it would eat her underwear. That thought has never occurred to me - ever. I am just posting this now in case at some future date she goes through me history to see what I have said about her. Hi Darling, I love you... and what are you doing looking up posts I made on metafilter years ago? I don't think I can trust you anymore... it's over.
posted by Elmore at 2:40 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


Please take me back baby.
posted by Elmore at 2:43 PM on February 4, 2009 [8 favorites]


I once found an AnonyMe from my then shiny new girlfriend. It was awesome because the gist of most responses was how awesome I am. Reader, she married me.
posted by stet at 2:44 PM on February 4, 2009 [19 favorites]


I wonder about this with Dear Abby. Even though she replaces names (sometimes hilariously), the letters are still shown as being from TICKED OFF IN MISSOURI and it seems there is a pretty decent chance that people occasionally come across letters written about them. I bet there are some stories there.
posted by ORthey at 2:45 PM on February 4, 2009


There was a humorous moment when someone asked where they could pick up some XYZ in the area, and the spouse popped into the thread to say "You should have called me honey, you can pick up up at ____."
posted by yeti at 2:47 PM on February 4, 2009


have you ever posted a question about a relationship to AskMe, only to have the person you were writing about discover the post and call you out on it?

Yep. It confirmed two things for me

- my SO at the time really did read MeFi even though he sort of said he didn't
- he really was being sort of a jerk about the issue in question (though a decent guy overall)

Should they be hidden away just because someone goes "gee, nevermind"?

In my personal opinion, no. In my modly opinion I can see how someone might think the better of a question they asked. So, every time we do this sort of thing -- remove an anonymous AskMe, or any AskMe at the poster's request -- there's always a small amount of email tut-tut about how it's not that cool to just get your answers and leave. I don't think anyone's done it more than once.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:49 PM on February 4, 2009


Wasn't there a metatalk in the past few days that was just KlangKlangston and his girlfriend having a really weird passive-aggressive 200-comment argument about their ability to express their emotions? Awkward.




Note. This is a lie.

posted by stet at 2:50 PM on February 4, 2009 [5 favorites]


So it was anonymous. And then also deleted at their request. So you rushed right over here to get us all to look at it.

That user must be in seventh heaven right now.
posted by DU at 2:53 PM on February 4, 2009 [4 favorites]


Maybe it was billysumday who posted the anonymous question!
posted by smackfu at 2:57 PM on February 4, 2009


That user must be in seventh heaven right now.

Not unless seventh heaven is full of people who don't wipe their butts. And to be fair, I had enough tact (read: probably still not very much tact) to link to the post below the fold.
posted by billysumday at 2:57 PM on February 4, 2009


No one's going to confess? (oh, on preview, the stories have started coming. cool.)

I once found one about me. I'd been told it existed and went looking. The comments were the expected mix of DTMFA and thoughtfulness, neither of which bothered me since it was obvious that the people opining about me were random internet strangers (god bless 'em) responding to second-hand information from someone who hadn't known me for that long.

The weird part was the glimpse out of someone else's eyes you get from the question's framing. You know how when you read relationshipfilter, you sometimes answer "hey, it sounds like you're assuming This when it might really be That, it sounds like you're seeing the situation This Way and maybe you could try seeing it That Way?" It was illuminating to realize he'd seen me This Way, and after that point, I began to see the viewpoint more in that situation and others. The whole thing didn't work out and ended not too long thereafter, though for other reasons.

Anyway, that's my story. Who's next?
posted by salvia at 3:10 PM on February 4, 2009 [8 favorites]


And to be fair, I had enough tact (read: probably still not very much tact) to link to the post below the fold.

And just to be clear, that's not super cool either. I know that part of how the site works means that if stuff's not really deleted it's fair game for linking to and talking about, but taking something that someone specificallly asked to be deleted and then linking to it from here is sort of "eh" territory. We didn't feel strongly enough about it to nix this thread, but it wasn't something we were psyched about either.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:10 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


A friend explained to me that the perfect hippie hygiene solution is to switch to Eastern / Indian style poop cleaning instead of using paper.
  • you are saving Gaia by not using dead trees to clean your ass
  • while you are down there anyways you might as well do a quick rinse of your cockanballs and / or beaver
  • now you have no choice, you must wash your hands after you do the poop making - look, you are already much cleaner than you used to be!
  • bye bye skidmarks - your underwear will now last about twice as long as it used to... and less washing machine usage helps reduce dependence on foreign oil
But the big bonus is that this new regime means that your sexy bits are squeaky clean each and every day. And as the main stink zone is now neutralized you can then space out your full body wash to about 50% of previous frequency.

Hell, if you do a quick wash on your armpits once in a while, and wash your hair in the sink, you can go full frontiersman / Frenchman style and basically never shower again, further conserving Gaia's precious fluid reserves.

BIG WIN!
posted by Meatbomb at 3:13 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


jessamyn: Please feel free to remove the link. The deleted thread got me thinking about the question, and I threw the link in for relevance, but at the end of the day it's only a starting off point for the question and isn't necessary or essential for the post. Apologies for poor etiquette, I figured the few people who read MetaTalk would have already read the AskMe post.
posted by billysumday at 3:14 PM on February 4, 2009


Oh yeah, my friend also explained that with this system you don't even really need underwear anymore - one less tool of oppression in the Man's arsenal!
posted by Meatbomb at 3:17 PM on February 4, 2009


Not unless seventh heaven is full of people who don't wipe their butts.

Technically, I think people who don't wipe their arses inhabit the circle of Purgatory reserved for the slothful and indifferent—recognising the duty to do good but failing to act.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:17 PM on February 4, 2009 [7 favorites]


Even my non-anonymous AskMe questions aren't really about me. Oh, crap - did I just say that out loud?!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:24 PM on February 4, 2009


I remember very clearly a couple years ago one in which a husband posted anonymously asking about some issues, and his wife came in (on her normal account) to say, I saw this and I knew it was about me and I confronted him and he admitted it and here's my side of the story, which included some pretty pointed criticisms of the husband, which changed the dynamic of the thread quite a bit, and eventually the husband (who had given up the pretense and was just posting under his usual account) came back and said okay, I'm sure you all think I'm a jerk now but let's just say this is more complex than the two sides you're seeing and my wife and I are working this out between us.

I can't remember if it got deleted or just petered out and got lost to the ages.
posted by nanojath at 3:36 PM on February 4, 2009


I do wonder when people are super-honest and specific, whether they've fudged details to avoid it being identifiable or if they're just comfortable posting it. I've had friends call me and say "hey, I read your anonymous AskMe!" without me mentioning I'd posted, which was fine and kind of good to talk about, but it made me realise how easily traceable everything is.
posted by carbide at 3:37 PM on February 4, 2009


But the big bonus is that this new regime means that your sexy bits are squeaky clean each and every day.

Listen, I'm for the freedom to be you and me, and I specifically do NOT intend to be all, "Americans wipe their butts like THIS and Indians wipe their butts like THAT, amirite? lulz".

And yet, I still feel compelled to point out that my sexy bits are squeaky clean each and every day, despite not doing the Indian-style toilette. It's simply not either/or, is what I'm saying.

No ifs, hands or butts about it.
posted by pineapple at 3:39 PM on February 4, 2009


Wipeout!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:40 PM on February 4, 2009


Genius.

Only if it was the girlfriend getting him to wash the dog.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 3:44 PM on February 4, 2009


If cleanliness is next to G-dliness, there's not a dirty butt within spitting distance of 7th heaven. And that's the spitting distance of G-d.

They're down there in purgatory with their stinky butts all crowded together in an elevator listening to Muzak and trying desperately not to mention the smell.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:45 PM on February 4, 2009


It's simply not either/or, is what I'm saying.

It is if you are a lazy hippie like my friend. I am not in any way suggesting that this is the solution for one and all, but it is an excellent way for lazy hippies to stay nice and clean, is all.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:02 PM on February 4, 2009

I just really, really wish there were some way that a person who is RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A RESPONSE could get some sort of SIGNAL that the AskMe has been DELETED so they could stop typing all that shit out and previewing for NO GOOD REASON.
posted by pineapple at 3:13 PM on February 4
This would be spiffy in the Live Preview. It could check after a thousand keystrokes == 500 words, or after five minutes spent editing a comment, or some mixture of the two.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 4:03 PM on February 4, 2009


Fuck anonymous, it's an asshole.

Fuck anonymous. It's an asshole.
posted by gman at 4:15 PM on February 4, 2009


Ever since I gave up on psychiatrists and joined Scientology, my ass cleans itself with no wiping!
posted by klangklangston at 4:23 PM on February 4, 2009 [2 favorites]


I think I can safely say that this is the first time I've stopped reading a MetaTalk thread so I can change my underwear.
posted by Locative at 4:33 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


You wear underwear while reading MetaTalk?
posted by graventy at 4:44 PM on February 4, 2009 [6 favorites]


I go commando. Problem solved.
posted by Science! at 4:44 PM on February 4, 2009



That'll be fr0zen & xteraco.


ah, yes. He threatened to kick all of our asses, I believe, because we rightfully called him a deadbeat loser.

Say, did anyone receive their promised ass kicking? Occasionally, I see a tricked out Civic in the neighborhood. Excitedly, I put my coat on and run outside, and it always turns out to be the idiot Dominos delivery kid. And that guy has a job, so I know its not xteraco.
posted by jerseygirl at 4:47 PM on February 4, 2009 [25 favorites]


I wear undies only if the dog hasn't already gotten to them.
posted by billysumday at 4:47 PM on February 4, 2009


Metafilter: anal nerds.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:50 PM on February 4, 2009


Hello Cleveland! We are the Anal Nerds!!
posted by billysumday at 4:51 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


That fr0zen & xteraco thread is precisely the reason I want to be able to favourite deleted threads.
posted by gman at 5:02 PM on February 4, 2009


ah, yes. He threatened to kick all of our asses, I believe, because we rightfully called him a deadbeat loser.

Ah yes, he announced his plans to be in the soda aisle at Shaws the next morning, and made it clear that he was enough of a Bad Motherfucker that he would take all comers, bitchez! Just as soon as got his Sierra Mist on!
posted by scody at 5:10 PM on February 4, 2009


Does dating a Mefite count? Then, yes.
posted by parmanparman at 5:19 PM on February 4, 2009


I knew that AskMe wasn't about me because my SO and I like to play "Smell This Stinky Part of My Body" and knock each other out. Warning this game is for professionals only!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:20 PM on February 4, 2009


I have to say, probably the absolute worst reason to ever, ever get a dog is in hopes that the dog will eat your girlfriend's undies so that she will be forced to admit that she has a hygiene problem.

Dunno, what if she gets another dog to protect 'em?
posted by grobstein at 5:42 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


What, are you kidding me? We got called out for it in the podcast.
posted by NortonDC at 5:47 PM on February 4, 2009


It's not a proper hygiene problem until your dog starts refusing to eat your girlfiend's undies.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:48 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


It's not a proper hygiene problem until your girlfriend's undies eat the dog.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 5:58 PM on February 4, 2009 [11 favorites]


It's always fun to see new folks get introduced to fr0zen and xteraco. I'm not sure if anyone specifically pointed out the MeTa thread about their AskMe, and since it's so long, I just wanted to highlight languagehat's The Ballad of fr0zen and xteraco. I don't think cortex ever ended up putting it to music like he threatened to, unfortunately, but it is still genius.

Hey, what happened to the B I link buttons?
posted by Rock Steady at 6:02 PM on February 4, 2009


That fr0zen & xteraco thread is one of the few times I've been a little ashamed of MetaFilter. I'm not sure why that is. The ShameSpiral beatdown had a similar effect on me.
posted by stubby phillips at 6:14 PM on February 4, 2009 [2 favorites]


I don't think cortex ever ended up putting it to music

I felt kind of weird about that one, in the end. I enjoyed the hat's lyrical adaptation, but actually taking the time to put it to music ended up feeling to me like maybe carrying the joke a bit too far, bordering on meanspirited. It would've been fun to cover that tune, but yeah.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:19 PM on February 4, 2009


wow. buzzkill. sorry.
posted by stubby phillips at 6:19 PM on February 4, 2009


SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT STUFF AND IT MAKES ME SAD

I HAD A DOG ONCE BUT IT GOT OLD AND DIED
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:23 PM on February 4, 2009 [7 favorites]


I thought that thread was a low ebb too, stubby, and had no trouble explaining why. The fact that someone may seem quite objectively not such a great person doesn't justify outright shitty behavior, especially in AskMe. The MeTa, while well-intentioned, just turned it into a free-for-all. If I was treated like that anywhere I'm sure I'd make a damn fool of myself too.
posted by nanojath at 6:28 PM on February 4, 2009


I don't think cortex ever ended up putting it to music like he threatened to, unfortunately, but it is still genius.
Clearly, we need a SongSmith contest for this.
posted by DWRoelands at 6:31 PM on February 4, 2009


my cat is old. he won't die, however.
posted by stubby phillips at 6:40 PM on February 4, 2009


Clearly, we need a SongSmith contest for this.

Man, I'm pretty swamped in school. Can't someone else put the contest together.
posted by clearly at 7:11 PM on February 4, 2009 [13 favorites]


(The dude was spending his money on civics or something stupid like that. Anyone remember?)

That'll be fr0zen & xteraco.


Ok that is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my whole goddamn life. Why have I lived so long and not been made aware of this until tonight?

"i just had to spam it up, coz i hate metafilter pussies"!!!

I feel like I've just been picked up in a chaffuerred Lols Royce and driven first to a Lollerskating rink, and then to an amusement park where it's free rides on the Lollercoaster all night long!!
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:58 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


also when I read "dude was spending his money on civics or something stupid like that," I honestly pictured him wasting all kinds of cash on voter outreach.
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:59 PM on February 4, 2009 [29 favorites]


I HAD A DOG ONCE BUT IT GOT OLD AND DIED

I had a Budgie but it died/
Goodbye/
Leggy Blonde, goodbye
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:01 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


That thread to which showbiz_liz linked was a pretty dramatic little episode ... someone memorably described the wife's comment as a "the call is coming from inside the house!!!1" moment.
posted by jayder at 8:13 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I seem to recall there was a metatalk thread arising from that one that went into bizarre speculations about wine-fuelled pornoboats. Can't manage to conjure it up in Google though. Anybody?
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 8:38 PM on February 4, 2009


I asked one of those "Should I tell my friend I want to date her?" questions. She read it, guessed it was me, and told me as much when we were together. Previously I had discovered she was unavailable because she posted something on AskMeFi about her boyfriend at the time.

To recap: MeFi is a terrifyingly integral part of my life.
posted by phrontist at 9:48 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


The rectum, as a (w)hole, should be entirely wiped out.

this works better when recited aloud in a disengaged, well-rehearsed monotone, much like the instructional voiceovers found in 60s 8 mm films
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:51 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


So, does anyone have a picture of xteraco's Civic?
posted by brundlefly at 10:13 PM on February 4, 2009


bizarre speculations about wine-fuelled pornoboats

Do you mean wine-fueled pornobouts?

If there's a pornoboat I want to be on it.
posted by jayder at 10:23 PM on February 4, 2009


brundlefly: check the related meta thread.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:30 PM on February 4, 2009


Yeah, looks like the linked pictures were taken down. All I can see is the embedded image of the tiny, pointless wipers on the hood. Just seeing that is such a tease. I feel like I'm chained in Plato's cave, except instead of the true nature of reality outside it's a really douchy car.
posted by brundlefly at 10:57 PM on February 4, 2009 [11 favorites]


Man, I just reread the fr0zen / xteraco thread, which I read as it was happening back when I was lurking. I remembered it as at least somewhat funny, but with distance, it just seems very, very sad. I wonder where fr0zen is now.

Much respect to scody and notjustfoxybrown and timeistight and the other commenters who participated so articulately in that thread.
posted by salvia at 10:58 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


What's funny about it is xteraco's over the top assholery (and it is very funny). He's like a spoof. fr0zen's involvement with him, OTOH, is genuinely sad. I cringed with nearly every comment she made.
posted by brundlefly at 11:05 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]


That'll be fr0zen & xteraco.

ah, yes. He threatened to kick all of our asses, I believe, because we rightfully called him a deadbeat loser.

Say, did anyone receive their promised ass kicking?


I know MetaFilter is too peaceful for this, but it would have been highly amusing to see this handled the Bullshido way:

1. Get him to agree to a fight and sign a waiver.
2. Beat him.
3. Post the video to YouTube.
4. Laugh at him, again and again.
posted by ignignokt at 11:11 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


I think people who don't wipe their arses inhabit the circle of Purgatory reserved for the slothful and indifferent—recognising the duty to do good but failing to act.

IAN: Uh, hey... [Reads name tag] Trevor? You're like the admin here, right? I'm Ian, new here. I sorta expected to suffer for that time I let that old lady walk in front of a bus and when I walked past that guy who was having a seizure, but being surrounded by these people for God knows how long seems a bit overly harsh, don't you think?

TREVOR: Silence, n00b! [Claps twice, briskly] Queue up, people - you know the drill, eight inches max between you and your neighbors! Hey Gary, I said eight inches, scoot up there, show the new guy how to do it! We good? Alright, begin the touching of the toes! I want to see deep bends and deep breaths! In through the nose, out through the mouth, people! And a one, and a two, and a...

IAN: Oh shit.

GARY: Indeed. Say, have you been assigned a buddy for Baby Elephant Tuesdays yet?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:19 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]


Jebus, ignignokt. Don't you know that the fourth point is always "Profit!"?!??

Then again...in this case, "Laugh at him, again and again, and profit!" would be an acceptable departure from the usual run of things.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:56 PM on February 4, 2009


2. Beat him.

A slight revision: figure out who the tallest MeFite is and place them both in a pit with broadswords.
posted by brundlefly at 1:27 AM on February 5, 2009


That'll be fr0zen & xteraco.

In all fairness, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and thought people were being unfair for calling him a deadbeat, until I saw his comments- whereupon I thought the caricature was completely fair.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:52 AM on February 5, 2009


I have had that happen. I posted someone's name into an askme and the person googled themselves and called me up. this was a photo rep I described as nice, so it wasn't a big deal. she just wanted to find out who it was that put her in touch with that photographer who called her.
posted by krautland at 4:36 AM on February 5, 2009


when I read "dude was spending his money on civics or something stupid like that," I honestly pictured him wasting all kinds of cash on voter outreach.

Same here.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:35 AM on February 5, 2009 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: Those types of people who goto those websites to look at mutalated bodys and shit... fuckin sick.
posted by klue at 6:00 AM on February 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


How is the call is coming from inside the house thread not closed? And only one extra comment after the wife replied. That's an impressive level of restraint for metafilter.
posted by chunking express at 7:00 AM on February 5, 2009


Interestingly, mrleec asked a question a few months later in which he addressed issues in his marriage and some odd story about someone logging on as him to access porn. Makes you wonder, though, since he knew that his wife reads Metafilter, if he was just doing it to prove something to her. Or whether it was actually her trying to figure out a way to login into his Yahoo! account to see how much porn he was watching. It's like a mobius strip of shame.
posted by billysumday at 7:29 AM on February 5, 2009


Meh. It seems silly to dissect it now. People are screwed up. People have complicated relationships. People are people. We're mostly water and occasionally alcohol.

Plus, we've got better things to do. I have a feeling someone's had an open jar of mayonnaise on their counter since Seinfeld premiered and they have some nagging doubts if it's still edible. I want to help this person today. ("yes. Eat it. And use your iphone to blog about your ER visit later.")
posted by jerseygirl at 7:41 AM on February 5, 2009


"SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT STUFF AND IT MAKES ME SAD

I HAD A DOG ONCE BUT IT GOT OLD AND DIED


You're a grief junky and this is hysterical over-reaction.
posted by klangklangston at 8:48 AM on February 5, 2009


I once asked Metafilter how to handle the process of unplugging my dad from life support. He ended up living, against all odds. Several months later he was googling some of my screennames to see what I had been up to on the internet (hi Dad!) and found the thread. That was a pretty emotional phone call.
posted by vytae at 9:23 AM on February 5, 2009 [19 favorites]


Yo, cortex, I hate to say it, but that dog that died? It might have been from this. RECORD THE SONG BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

Seriously, it's been two and a half years, they've got more serious things to worry about and will never notice a little spoofing on MeFi Music. Which nobody ever visits anyway.
posted by languagehat at 9:27 AM on February 5, 2009


I once asked Metafilter how to handle the process of unplugging my dad from life support. He ended up living, against all odds. Several months later he was googling some of my screennames to see what I had been up to on the internet (hi Dad!) and found the thread.

Wow.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:55 AM on February 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


Everyone, say hello to vytae's dad. *Waves*
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:33 AM on February 5, 2009 [4 favorites]


*Chuckles at vytae's jokey comment*

*Sees ThePinkSuperhero's reponse. Goes "Huh?"*

*Thinks "It can't be... " -- nonetheless decides to check vytae's AskMe history*

HOLY SH*T!!!
posted by AwkwardPause at 10:42 AM on February 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


Brundlefly & others, here's a surviving photo of xteraco's SOOPER KUSTOM civic. If you change the last two digits in the link you can see a bunch of blurry closeups of indistinct parts. His cardomain.com profile doesn't seem to exist anymore, but the photos are still there.
posted by echo target at 11:17 AM on February 5, 2009 [5 favorites]


As of last month xteraco has a new car .
posted by asockpuppet at 11:31 AM on February 5, 2009


The fr0zen/xteraco thread?

wow. how did I miss that?
posted by Frasermoo at 11:37 AM on February 5, 2009


Fuckin' metafilter pussies. Pussies!
posted by fixedgear at 11:46 AM on February 5, 2009


Brundlefly & others, here's a surviving photo of xteraco's SOOPER KUSTOM civic.

.
posted by brundlefly at 11:54 AM on February 5, 2009


Wow, that was incredible. I feel so sorry for fr0zen.
posted by graventy at 12:12 PM on February 5, 2009


man, I'm always surprised by people's reaction to that thread. sure, xterac0 presents himself really badly ("I shouldn't have to work if I don't want to!") but more than anything, that thread shows off what a pack of complete dickholes we can be. More than anything, I feel sorry for the both of them for having had to deal with us.
posted by shmegegge at 12:41 PM on February 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


As of last month xteraco has a new car .

Ok, the stalking is creepy.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:42 PM on February 5, 2009


As of last month xteraco has a new car.

Looks fancy; good on him. Sounds like he must've gotten his act together.

Unless, of course, it was bought on credit.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:01 PM on February 5, 2009


That's one bitchin' Tercel.
posted by dunkadunc at 2:02 PM on February 5, 2009


Could do with a rear stabilisation fin.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:19 PM on February 5, 2009




Yeah, his car is he one in the background.
posted by fixedgear at 4:01 PM on February 5, 2009


i think i figured out why this makes me feel so undignified:

1) i drive a civic.
2) i bought it on credit.
3) there have been times in my life when i've been unemployed.
4) i've been goaded into a fight or two on the internet.
5) i'm not as smart or learned as some metafilterians (meticlorians?) seem to be.
6) i probably hold some views that may be unpopular here.

so you see, it's all about me: stubby phillips. when we smack down and then periodically revile somebody who has a lot in common with me, i feel attacked. by me and my friends.

i always humbly (but everso proudly) declare that i'll get around to judging people as soon as i'm perfect. maybe what i really mean is i'll judge them as soon as i'm more perfect than they are.

luckily, i guess, that's not likely to happen soon.
posted by stubby phillips at 5:10 PM on February 5, 2009


Yeah, get back to me when you can put cash down for a 43 year old Beetle.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:21 PM on February 5, 2009


I realize we're debating a thread from 2006 here, and while I sometimes feel bad about certain pile-ons, I don't see that thread (at least the first 2/3 of it) as being just a bunch of "YOU SUCK" to xteraco. I see people increasingly worried about fr0zen and increasingly insistent about how they say so.

periodically revile somebody who has a lot in common with me, i feel attacked

stubby phillips, you may have financial issues and differing opinions. But unless you also give your partner the silent treatment and blame her for (or let her take the blame for) the statements of internet strangers and even accuse her of a sordid affair because one offered to be her next boyfriend, and unless after talking to you about a major problem caused in large part by you she would rush to post a lists of the lessons she's learned about how to be a better partner and essentially beg everyone [1] to stop being so mean to you, then I have no problem with you or your civic, be it with or without rear spoiler and custom underglow.

[1] This might be an overstatement. You can't exactly tell her tone of voice.
posted by salvia at 10:02 PM on February 5, 2009


I once asked Metafilter how to handle the process of unplugging my dad from life support. He ended up living, against all odds. Several months later he was googling some of my screennames to see what I had been up to on the internet (hi Dad!) and found the thread. That was a pretty emotional phone call.

Nothing that couldn't be solved by a little Phil Collins.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:06 PM on February 5, 2009


*waves to vytae's kickass dad.*
posted by dabitch at 3:45 AM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


I wonder about this with Dear Abby.

I had a friend who's extraordinarily specific question was published in Dear Ellie (Ann Landers' replacement in The Toronto Star) and his girlfriend and a dozen of her friends recognized it immediately. There was hell to pay, but they didn't break up (immediately/because of that).
posted by cranberrymonger at 8:25 AM on February 6, 2009


Ehhh, that Dear Abby line was quoting ORthey from up-thread.
posted by cranberrymonger at 8:26 AM on February 6, 2009


I wonder about this with Dear Abby.

When I was in High School, I worked in my father's warehouse. We would arrive before everyone else to open up, and then spend an hour or so drinking coffee and reading the paper. When my father passed the paper to me, the Dear Abby column had been cut out, so I asked to read it. Reluctantly, he drew the folded scrap from his pocket and gave it over.

The column was about sexual incompatability in a marriage, and he had helpfully underlined many passages. Yikes. Clearly, we would never again speak of this again.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:27 AM on February 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


I wonder about this with Dear Abby.

When I was in High School, I worked in my father's warehouse. We would arrive before everyone else to open up, and then spend an hour or so drinking coffee and reading the paper. When my father passed the paper to me, the Dear Abby column had been cut out, so I asked to read it. Reluctantly, he drew the folded scrap from his pocket and gave it over.

The column was about sexual incompatability in a marriage, and he had helpfully underlined many passages. Yikes. Clearly, we would never again speak of this again.
posted by StickyCarpet


Whoa son, that was for your uncle, no reason to jump to conclusions. Now take out the garbage.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:57 AM on February 6, 2009


I have to say, probably the absolute worst reason to ever, ever get a dog is in hopes that the dog will eat your girlfriend's undies so that she will be forced to admit that she has a hygiene problem.

No, that is the *second* worst reason. Just like $100 spent on therapy is, according to Guy Clark, the second best hundred dollars you'll ever spend.
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:39 AM on February 7, 2009


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