Thank you for all the support and caring. June 15, 2010 10:56 PM   Subscribe

A year ago today, my wife passed away. I wanted to say thanks to all of Metafilter for the support I've gotten from the community.

Folks from MeFi have been one of the pillars of support and friendship that I've leaned on in occasional times of hardship in the past year since my wife unexpectedly passed away.

In addition to that, Matt paid her ER and ambulance bills with T-shirt funds, something that still just blows me away.

Thank you, everyone. I don't know how I can ever return the favor, but I'll give it my best shot.

Today is going to be rough, but I know that if things get really bad all I have to do is make a couple of phone calls and people will be at my door. With pie.

I really don't know what to say or how to say it other than "thank you".
posted by mrbill to MetaFilter-Related at 10:56 PM (41 comments total) 24 users marked this as a favorite

You are a real mensch, mrbill.
posted by joe lisboa at 11:00 PM on June 15, 2010

MetaFilter is a better place with you in it mrbill. <hugs>
posted by netbros at 11:04 PM on June 15, 2010

I am glad you are doing okay and I have been following your facebook and I'm happy you have good local friends in addition to all of us.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:06 PM on June 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Been thinking about you. I send you mental pie whenever you need it. I love this place.
posted by librarina at 11:12 PM on June 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

I've been thinking about you too. I'm glad you're hanging in there.
posted by rtha at 11:49 PM on June 15, 2010

We love you mrbill and we know you've grown a lot as a person in the past year! :) :)
posted by By The Grace of God at 12:09 AM on June 16, 2010 [2 favorites]

I know how good the people here are too. I'm so glad you've made it this far, and know we'll all be here for you.
posted by pjern at 12:23 AM on June 16, 2010 [3 favorites]

Every time I see your username on a comment, I think "I'm glad mrbill's still going strong". If there's any bad stuff going down or if the black dog's lurking about, it always gives me a little lift. By that I mean I feel a little inspired, or as though someone's just given me a slap on the back and said something encouraging. It's nothing huge, but it's not nothing either. Knowing what you've been through and seeing that you're still getting on with things makes whatever has been bothering me fall back into perspective.

I'm sure there are others here that feel the same way. So I'd say that counts as a best shot at returning the favour.

Anyway, stay strong and keep safe mate.
posted by GeckoDundee at 1:35 AM on June 16, 2010 [2 favorites]

mrbill, I too have felt the same warmth in my soul that the support of this community can bring on dark days. I'm sad for your loss but I'm glad you've been able to have Mefi pie. You doing well is what your wife would have wanted most - keep doing it.
posted by allkindsoftime at 1:37 AM on June 16, 2010

mefi is the reason for my existence - imho it exemplifies what the community offers, tangibly, a sense of community as insurance, whom you connect with everyday, as a lodestone (in times of plenty) because you know (and you ensure) that karma activates during times of need. dunno how to explain this concept but I've seen it everywhere, in the most challenging adn uncertain environments of adversity (during my dayjob's fieldwork) and never thought to see it so well manifested online. *trust* is embedded in community design principles. how'dja do that?
posted by hugbucket at 4:26 AM on June 16, 2010

Big, big hugs.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 5:03 AM on June 16, 2010

Sending good thoughts through the internet tubes to you!
posted by pointystick at 6:09 AM on June 16, 2010

I know it's a year later and I don't know you but I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you've gone through. I'm glad you've found some solace here. Take care.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:14 AM on June 16, 2010

I was unaware of your loss until this very moment. I'm sorry to hear it, but I am also happy to read that you are doing well, and that both MeFi and your "real life" friends have been there to support you.
posted by Forktine at 6:17 AM on June 16, 2010

mrbill, so sorry to hear (belatedly) about your bad news, and glad that you've gotten some comfort from our lovely online friends. I am baking you a virtual pie.
posted by theredpen at 6:18 AM on June 16, 2010

I've thought about you often, too. I'm very glad to hear you're doing okay. *hugs*
posted by zarq at 7:02 AM on June 16, 2010

I remember this happening just a short time after I joined, and I was very impressed at the strength of the community's care. I hope you are doing well. Do something special today.
posted by SLC Mom at 7:10 AM on June 16, 2010

In addition to that, Matt paid her ER and ambulance bills with T-shirt funds

That right there is reason enough to buy a T-shirt. This place is pretty awesome.
posted by rocket88 at 7:22 AM on June 16, 2010

You're a good egg, mrbill. You've got lots of people in your corner, sending you good thoughts today, looking forward to seeing you at the meetup this weekend.
posted by *s at 7:34 AM on June 16, 2010

mrbill, I'll be thinking of you today. Lots of supportive pie heading your way on the intertubes.
posted by arcticseal at 7:34 AM on June 16, 2010

Lots of hugs and good thoughts.
posted by mrs. taters at 7:37 AM on June 16, 2010

Every time I see your username on a comment, I think "I'm glad mrbill's still going strong". (GeckoDundee)

Me, too! Hugs for mrbill.
posted by ocherdraco at 7:39 AM on June 16, 2010

I like this place. Hugs for all.
posted by quin at 7:41 AM on June 16, 2010

mrbill, it's so hard to communicate with a stranger over the internet in any meaningful way, but I am both sorry for your loss and touched by your thanks. I'm also quietly hopeful for a better future and some measure of peacefulness on the horizon.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:10 AM on June 16, 2010

Also thinking of you today and sending you all the white light and positive vibes that I can.
posted by OolooKitty at 8:25 AM on June 16, 2010

Dear mrbill, it's hard to imagine what you've been through this last year, it must have been so difficult for you, the shock and loneliness, a new marital name, widower. Your wife of 11 years was only 34 when she died, you'd just moved into your charming Fifties House together, decorated it, made it home, just settled in and then wham. I'm glad for her that she had a peaceful, swift death, at home, where she was loved, safe, comfortable.

It's no surprise to me that MetaFilter was and has been there for you. I also know that loving community support, caring, warm generosity during crisis. It is life affirming and strengthening. Wow, So mathowie took care of your ambulance fee? That makes me cry with gratitude. What a mensch he is. So inspiring and basically deep down good.

The grieving process is the hardest in the first year, especially with all the anniversaries, special days, holidays. The second year of grieving may feel somewhat strange in the gradual dissolving of the grief, less crying, less loneliness, because it may feel as if the person who died is not being honored in seemingly being 'forgotten'. But in having loved you and being loved by you, they will always be a part of you, not ever forgotten, and it's okay to gradually move on, have your own life again, to go out, play, have fun with old and new friends.

From your blog you've said you've been making changes in yourself too this last year, making healthier choices.

You sound like a loving, caring person. I'm so sorry for your loss, glad loving friends of all kinds have been and are there for you.
posted by nickyskye at 8:59 AM on June 16, 2010 [13 favorites]

Come back to #bunnies any time, bud.
posted by Eideteker at 9:33 AM on June 16, 2010


Glad to be a member of a place that helped. Stay strong.
posted by bearwife at 9:59 AM on June 16, 2010

mrbill, I missed this thread the first time around, but just spent a while reading back through the original AskMe and MeTa. I can only say that I'm so, so impressed by your strength and grace and, of course, by this community. What a place.
posted by Rallon at 1:28 PM on June 16, 2010

thanks for posting this update, mrbill. I'm so glad to hear about your progress, and I concur wholeheartedly that Metafilter is an amazing community quite literally filled with some of the nicest people in the world. Sending lots of love your way.
posted by scody at 1:47 PM on June 16, 2010

I've been thinking of you a lot lately, mrbill. I'm so glad you're doing okay, and that Metafilter's been able to offer a smidge of solace.
posted by hot soup girl at 4:06 PM on June 16, 2010

So very glad we were able to be there for you when you needed us. We're still here for you, of course. Thanks for the update! {{{{{mrbill}}}}}
posted by Lynsey at 6:33 PM on June 16, 2010

Glad to see you pop up again! I hope your egg toys were cool and not some lame puzzle or smurf figurine. Something you got to put together, at least :)
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 6:50 PM on June 16, 2010

<3 R.I.P. Amy. *hugs all around but especially for mrbill*
posted by IndigoRain at 7:48 PM on June 16, 2010

Thanks to everyone, again. It's fun being ambushed on IM once I finally got out of bed and started goofing around online for the evening. 8-)
posted by mrbill at 8:00 PM on June 16, 2010

It feels great to be even a minor player in a community that commits so many acts of unrequired kindness. I bet in total the payback those who helped you received in good karma and feelings exceeded the wonderful gifts your received by a hundred fold. So really, mrbill, thanks for being there for us.
posted by Carbolic at 9:32 PM on June 16, 2010

I come to mefi to read about the impending apocalypse and listen to all the grumpy people gnash teeth about it...then, there's this.

I am sorry for your loss mrbill, I am sorry I did not say it before.

Thank you mefi.

[people are good]
posted by M Edward at 9:54 PM on June 16, 2010

posted by brujita at 12:05 AM on June 17, 2010

*hugs* *pie!* *more hugs*
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:46 AM on June 17, 2010

Thanks to everyone (online and offline); the 16th wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had expected it to be. Warning: mental dribble ahead - can't sleep and am feeling wordy.

Tonight I hosted my first-ever party; invited a bunch of local friends over and we sat around to play Rock Band, watch silly movies, talk about overseas pharmacies, try "Flavor Tripping" with those miracle berry things, and just have some good old-fashioned social interaction. This also left me with enough 2-liters of various soft drinks to last at least a couple of weeks, and enough corn/potato chips to last till mid-week, as I grossly overprepared for the number of people who visited or wanted snacks. If anyone is in Houston and wants an invite to the next low-key shindig, let me know.

On Tuesday (payday), I paid off one of the bits of credit card debt that Amy left me with. Three months from now, two other bits of debt will be gone (and I can wear the fancy expensive watch she "bought" me with a clear conscience). Tiny steps, but damn it feels good. I'll finally be able to start putting money in savings (almost $1K/month) instead of scraping by from paycheck to paycheck.

I now have someone coming in once a week (on Saturdays) to clean house. I ended up hiring my ex-girlfriend Kathy, the lady who I dated from September to December of last year. She had also lost a spouse, and helped me heal in ways that I can never fully express or really appreciate. Although we're no longer in a romantic relationship, we're still close friends and won't allow anyone that either of us dates to change that. I like that I can trust her with a house key, that she knows where everything is and goes already, and that if she sees me walking around in my underwear that I don't have to worry (after all, it's nothing that she's never seen before...) It's amazing how much having a clean (or "presentable, but lived-in") house makes on your overall mood. I don't come home from work now and get depressed after walking in the door. The past couple of weeks Kathy has brought her current boyfriend along; he's a good guy, treats her well, and we get along great (they both attended the party tonight). Last week I fixed his laptop and this week I think we're going to go browse at a local gun store while she cleans.

A year ago, I lost my wife. In the twelve months since then, I've met more interesting people, made more new friends, and had more interesting experiences than at any time previously in my thirty-five years on this planet.

I can't say "things are good" just yet, but I can say "things aren't bad", and they're hovering near "okay" - and MeFi has a large part in that. Again, thank you.
posted by mrbill at 3:49 AM on June 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

The past couple of weeks Kathy has brought her current boyfriend along; he's a good guy, treats her well, and we get along great (they both attended the party tonight). Last week I fixed his laptop and this week I think we're going to go browse at a local gun store while she cleans.

I totally love this.
posted by rtha at 7:16 AM on June 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

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