Happy birthday, Cortex! April 26, 2015 12:31 AM   Subscribe

I hope you got the weekend off to play. We know the queue is there for just that reason. To let the mods have downtime, just like folks. And let us all cool off despite the season. Your first birthday as our dear leader. Hope this has made your life sweeter. We'll also see you on the "Tweeter." Dear Cortex, nothing could be neater! Happy birthday, dude!
posted by Lynsey to MetaFilter-Related at 12:31 AM (99 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

I was going to bake cortex a cake, but the batter was so tasty that the cats and I ate it. (I really don't have any cats.)(Or any cake batter.) But Happy Birthday anyway.
posted by Cranberry at 12:36 AM on April 26, 2015


Don't click on this cake!

HB, cortex!! *<|:o)
posted by taz (staff) at 12:43 AM on April 26, 2015 [19 favorites]


Hippo birdy two ewes,
Hippo birdy two ewes,
Hippo birdy, dear Cortex...
Hippo birdy two ewes!

If I was clever I would make a picture thingy made up of lines and x's and it would be a hippo, a bird, and two sheep, but I'm not clever so I can't. But I would if I could.

Have a wonderful birthday.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 1:03 AM on April 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


CONGRATS ON LIVING A YEAR GOOD JOB NOT DYING

I WOULD ENDORSE YOUR DECISION TO DO THAT AGAIN IN THE FOLLOWING YEAR
posted by NoraReed at 2:22 AM on April 26, 2015 [26 favorites]


Happy birthday to a top lad and a righteous dude!
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 2:33 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy anniversary of your birth, cortex !!!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:48 AM on April 26, 2015


Hail Cortex โ…  Maximus! Long may he mod!

* commissions bust of cortex wearing a laurel wreath for the dies natalis *
posted by XMLicious at 3:50 AM on April 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Happy older day!!
posted by nevercalm at 3:59 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday Mr. Cortexiphan!
posted by adrianhon at 4:09 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy Birthday! Tonight I will eat cake and drink gin in honour of your birth. You are so welcome. Have a great day!
posted by billiebee at 4:17 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday to Cortex the Killer (mod)!
posted by porn in the woods at 4:39 AM on April 26, 2015


IT'S CORTEX DAY! EVERYONE CELEBRATE!
*DANCE PARTY*
posted by rmd1023 at 5:13 AM on April 26, 2015


Hip hip hooray! Happy birthday!
posted by travelwithcats at 5:34 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday!
posted by ocherdraco at 5:34 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday! If I were smarter, I'd have made a Markov chain generator to write this happy birthday wish for you.
posted by ambrosen at 5:59 AM on April 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Happy birthday!

Also, a plate of beans question. This is the first birthday of Cortex as MetaFilter Emperor. So is this year, in MetaFilter terms, AD (Age of the Dude?) 0, or AD1? Which would also determine if last year was BC (Before Cortex) 0, or BC1?
posted by Wordshore at 6:01 AM on April 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Hip hip!
posted by anotherpanacea at 6:05 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy cake and candles day, Maximum Leader! The MeFites are assembled to dutifully sing a song in your honor.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:32 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday to you!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 6:45 AM on April 26, 2015


HARPING BEEFDAY
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:00 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday!
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:11 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy Birthday! Hope you get a giant donut ๐Ÿฉ (or equivalent).
posted by pb (staff) at 7:24 AM on April 26, 2015


I'd wish you a happy birthday but I'm too busy rowing, so here, have a poem instead.
posted by languagehat at 7:28 AM on April 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


HB
posted by Obscure Reference at 7:37 AM on April 26, 2015


Aw, thanks everybody. I am constitutionally incapable of sleeping in at this point in my life, so I got up and had a birthday bearclaw and some tea and am gonna do a little genetic football simulation programming and then yammer to griphus for a couple hours about how WolfCop actually has some good moments despite also not really being a very good movie at all.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:46 AM on April 26, 2015 [15 favorites]


"As you ramble through life, whatever be your goal;
Keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole." -- some dude on the internet

Happy birthday!
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:47 AM on April 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


Happy Birthday!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 8:25 AM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday - hope you get that prezzie you've been wanting.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 8:26 AM on April 26, 2015


All the MeFi*-approved emojis wish you a Happy Birthday:

๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ง ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ง ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง ๐Ÿ‘ฌ ๐Ÿ‘ญ ๐Ÿ‘ฏ ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ’‹โ€๐Ÿ‘ฉ ๐Ÿ‘จโ€โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ‘จโ€โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ’‹โ€๐Ÿ‘จ ๐Ÿ’ฉ


*pron. MEE-fye
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:47 AM on April 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


Happy birthday!
posted by capricorn at 8:55 AM on April 26, 2015


no hippo emoji yet, so I'll have to wish you "hamster birdy"
๐Ÿน๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

(the original... I'm so old I once got the 1975 version card)
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:45 AM on April 26, 2015 [4 favorites]


Happy birthday!
posted by Nolechick11 at 9:47 AM on April 26, 2015


I raise a horn of grog to you!
posted by rtha at 10:28 AM on April 26, 2015


Many happy returns! (I wanted to create a Garkov "happy birthday" strip, but after refreshing numerous times to get just the magic phrase, I couldn't find the perma-link function.)
posted by Doktor Zed at 10:30 AM on April 26, 2015


This is totally illegal the cortex does not age.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:36 AM on April 26, 2015


Many very happy returns of the day!
posted by Lexica at 10:39 AM on April 26, 2015


AD (anno donutus)
posted by nevercalm at 10:39 AM on April 26, 2015


HUZZAH!
posted by Navelgazer at 10:53 AM on April 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


I raise a skull filled with Calvados for you!
posted by Namlit at 11:08 AM on April 26, 2015


This is totally illegal the cortex does not age.

He does, however, grow glorious blossoms once a year, so we might as well celebrate that.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:20 AM on April 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


Happy Birthday! Tony the Pony says hey. He says to call him sometime, but I'm not sure if he meant that or if he just felt kind of obligated for old times' sake.
posted by ctmf at 12:45 PM on April 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Happy birthday!
posted by tickingclock at 1:01 PM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday! Tonight I shall flood my personal (pre-frontal) cortex with single malt in celebration.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 1:33 PM on April 26, 2015


I am constitutionally incapable of sleeping in at this point in my life,

This is not the worst part of getting older but it does feel like the biggest way my body has betrayed me.

Happy birthday!
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:41 PM on April 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Happy Cortex, Birthday!
posted by AugustWest at 2:16 PM on April 26, 2015


I think it's really time for another birthday rhyme. So cut yourself a lime and feed it to a mime. For it would be a crime not to wish you a happy birthday.
posted by klausness at 2:37 PM on April 26, 2015


Soon.
posted by ColdChef at 2:41 PM on April 26, 2015 [26 favorites]


Bon anniversaire.
posted by Michele in California at 3:17 PM on April 26, 2015


Awww man I want a bear claw and I just can't find them in NYC. Happy birthday anyway I suppose.

Tonight I will eat cake and drink gin in honour of your birth.
billiebee, do you offer this service to other mefites as well?
posted by moonmilk at 3:41 PM on April 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


๐ŸŽถYou're the birthday,
You're the birthday,
You're the birthday boy or girl!
๐ŸŽถ
posted by cooker girl at 4:05 PM on April 26, 2015


nevercalm: "AD (anno donutus)"

CE (cronut era)
BC (before cronut)
BCE (bear claw era)
posted by double block and bleed at 4:06 PM on April 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


Oh, I almost forgot: happy birthday!
posted by double block and bleed at 4:07 PM on April 26, 2015


Happy birthday!
posted by oceanjesse at 4:12 PM on April 26, 2015


I hope you got the weekend off to play.

Actually, next weekend we're moving (to Spuyten Duyvil in the Boogie Down Bronx), so me, pips and two of my friends spent the day packing. Tomorrow Junkluggers comes.
posted by jonmc at 4:36 PM on April 26, 2015


Happy Day friend!! ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ‚๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฉ
posted by pearlybob at 5:45 PM on April 26, 2015


* faces in the general direction of cortex and drinks whiskey in a ritualistic manner *

* continues to drink less ritualistically while facing other directions *
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:58 PM on April 26, 2015 [4 favorites]


Happy birthday!
posted by cotton dress sock at 6:51 PM on April 26, 2015


(and of course happy burfday, dude)
posted by jonmc at 7:14 PM on April 26, 2015


Many happy returns. You are the menschiest.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:15 PM on April 26, 2015


Soon

That reminds me: ColdChef, when the time comes, would you do me the honor of turning me to ash? Preferably, after I die, but I'm open to other ideas. Whatever fits your schedule and mood. Kthxbi!

Also, Happy Birthday, Cortex! Wasn't sure how many candles to get you, so I had ColdChef turn me into a bonfire.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:01 PM on April 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


Happy birthday, cortex!

(Btw, a birthday bearclaw sounds excellent. I may borrow that idea for next time...)
posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 9:50 PM on April 26, 2015




Happy birth-day! hungh!
Happy birth-day! hungh!
Grief, terror and despair!
People dying ev'rywhere!
Happy birth-day! hungh!

[a voice, as in the distance] One year closer to death!
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:42 PM on April 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh hey, I get to share a birthday with Cortex. Hope yours was nice, too! And gefeliciteerd!
posted by Too-Ticky at 12:43 AM on April 27, 2015


Happy birthday, mate.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:24 AM on April 27, 2015


billiebee, do you offer this service to other mefites as well?

I am available for birthdays, weddings and bar mitzvahs. Just drop me a memail.
terms and conditions apply
posted by billiebee at 1:46 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


Happy birthday!

(I liked mathowie's tweet)
posted by chavenet at 2:29 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I, for one, wish our new overlord a happy birthday.
posted by gingerest at 3:12 AM on April 27, 2015


It was the day after yesterday, a day all meeple hailed as the day of 0-day ascendance of the future and present leader of the Cortexian age into the light of the great fire-orb.

All meeple raised tankards of Gregnogian spirits in his honor. "All hail the great Cortex. Beneflections, Beignet, Cruelleres, Patistiers."
posted by mightshould at 4:29 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


Congrats on making one more revolution around the Sun. May you circle it many more times!
posted by Twain Device at 4:56 AM on April 27, 2015


Happy Belated Birthday, cortex!
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 7:06 AM on April 27, 2015


Thanks for all you do here, and happy birthday Cortex!
posted by Wretch729 at 7:51 AM on April 27, 2015


Happy Day After Your Birthday from someone you've never heard of!
posted by shiny blue object at 8:23 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


genetic football simulation programming

There are many ways I can parse this noun phrase and all of them are puzzling.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:48 AM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I hope your birthday was the happiest and that the upcoming year is even better!
posted by kimberussell at 10:54 AM on April 27, 2015


Happiest of days!
posted by blurker at 10:57 AM on April 27, 2015


Thanks again, everybody. It was a nice birthday and I'm looking forward to a good year.

There are many ways I can parse this noun phrase and all of them are puzzling.

sometimes you just need to use selection pressure to create a league of lopsided football clones
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:04 AM on April 27, 2015 [3 favorites]


A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU TODAY, CORTEX!
posted by carsonb at 11:07 AM on April 27, 2015


sometimes you just need to use selection pressure to create a league of lopsided football clones

oh that is just lovely
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:27 AM on April 27, 2015


cortex: "sometimes you just need to use selection pressure to create a league of lopsided football clones"

This is amazing.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:30 AM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORTEX
posted by griphus at 11:31 AM on April 27, 2015


Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:10 PM on April 27, 2015


cortex: "
sometimes you just need to use selection pressure to create a league of lopsided football clones
"

Finally the game touchback fans have been waiting for!
posted by boo_radley at 1:45 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I mean, every games is like 4-2, 6-2,2-0... it's amazing to watch
posted by boo_radley at 1:46 PM on April 27, 2015


but on the other hand, the Grackles have a great starting defensive lineup. I think they're going to give the Thrushes a run for their money.

...

Did I ever tell y'all the idea that I had that would pit all of my coworkers who play fantasy football against each other in a big virtual league? Fantasy Fantasy Football. It was going to be huge.
posted by boo_radley at 1:49 PM on April 27, 2015


I mean, every games is like 4-2, 6-2,2-0

They start off super dumb, and only have a chance to improve their rosters between games (by default that means firing 25% of the players, aka the worst one of the four on a team, every two games a team plays), so if you're watching the initial games in the league in real time it's gonna be a while before any of the teams start looking like they know how to run the ball.

If you use Skip Games to jump ahead a few dozen games, at least some of the teams will start looking like they understand which endzone they're supposed to be driving for.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:05 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm not complaining, though! It's like they're taunting the other team. I want you to add flopping as a mechanic.
posted by boo_radley at 2:18 PM on April 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


If you want to get really weird, go down to the fitness metrics and set everything to 0 except like yards to -10 and give 'em a few generations, and games will become sprints to see which team can give up the most safeties.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:22 PM on April 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


I wanna add trigonometry to their little lives!
posted by boo_radley at 2:29 PM on April 27, 2015


Oh and happy birthday, dogg.
posted by boo_radley at 2:29 PM on April 27, 2015


Happy and Healthy, baby. Happy and Healthy!
posted by Splunge at 4:23 PM on April 27, 2015


Happy belated birthday.
I hope you had a great one filled with friends, family, hugs, and lots of cake.
posted by Faintdreams at 8:25 AM on April 28, 2015


Happy birthday!
posted by needlegrrl at 8:32 AM on April 28, 2015


sometimes you just need to use selection pressure to create a league of lopsided football clones

Kinda disappointed it isn't a more truthful Pigeons vs Seagulls.

Oh yeah, happy two days after your birthday.
posted by maryr at 11:26 AM on April 28, 2015


It would be so cool to let this thread go for another 363 days. Each day, someone here would be faithful to post at least one comment until Cortex's next birthday. Then, at exactly 12:31am on 4/26/16, Cortex comes into the thread and says, "Boy, I just had the strangest dream," and archives the thread without further comment.
posted by SpacemanStix at 3:30 PM on April 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


Great idea above and, also, happy belated bday, oh excellent Cortex. Now I want to be a mod because you get the best bday greetings ever.
posted by Bella Donna at 11:37 PM on April 29, 2015


Happy belated, cortex!!
posted by sarcasticah at 5:32 PM on April 30, 2015


I AM HERE FOR THE SPANKINGS.
posted by loquacious at 8:52 PM on April 30, 2015


I am here to keep the streak alive! There's a streak, right?
Day 5
posted by dawg-proud at 6:52 PM on May 1, 2015


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