Metatalktail Hour: I want to get those stories recognized December 16, 2017 3:57 PM Subscribe
Inspired by the post about furries being a community that helps each other out, I want to pose this here: Tell me about a time MeFites reached out and helped you. I wan to get those stories recognized.
Note from r_n: hippybear had such a perfect Meta at the usual hour that I asked if he minded if I hijacked it! Usual Metatalktail rules apply - you don't have to stick to the topic, but please, no politics. Thanks!
Note from r_n: hippybear had such a perfect Meta at the usual hour that I asked if he minded if I hijacked it! Usual Metatalktail rules apply - you don't have to stick to the topic, but please, no politics. Thanks!
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's Request -- Brandon Blatcher
Since Eyebrows is probably bogged down by the Best Post Contest, can we make this the weekly MetaTalkTail thread?
posted by wheelieman at 7:13 PM on December 16, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by wheelieman at 7:13 PM on December 16, 2017 [2 favorites]
I am covering for Eyebrows tonight, and I think this is an excellent MetaTalkTail subject.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:19 PM on December 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:19 PM on December 16, 2017 [1 favorite]
Just remember folks, you can talk about stuff other than the topic at hand, except politics.
posted by wheelieman at 7:22 PM on December 16, 2017
posted by wheelieman at 7:22 PM on December 16, 2017
I've been having a serious personal crisis, and when I posted an ask about it recently the responses were incredibly compassionate and helpful. Then someone who shall remain anonymous unless they don't want to be reached out 1:1. That person has been a lifeline and accountability partner while circumstances mean most of my local friends can't be available for help. I'm pretty new here and am gratefully boggled by this level of support from strangers.
posted by centrifugal at 7:26 PM on December 16, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by centrifugal at 7:26 PM on December 16, 2017 [12 favorites]
Eyebrows helped me one night when I couldn't find the wiki part about who to call when you're in crisis, and I was. She sent me the number. Also, I found a goal buddy here to help my ADHD brain be more productive.
posted by Bella Donna at 7:59 PM on December 16, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 7:59 PM on December 16, 2017 [9 favorites]
the wiki part about who to call when you're in crisis
I posted about this previously but I'll mention it again. I also used the ThereIsHelp wiki when I was at a breaking point about a year and a half ago. Having that information accessible stopped me from doing something I would have regretted. Something so simple and yet it was so powerful.
posted by Fizz at 8:07 PM on December 16, 2017 [6 favorites]
I posted about this previously but I'll mention it again. I also used the ThereIsHelp wiki when I was at a breaking point about a year and a half ago. Having that information accessible stopped me from doing something I would have regretted. Something so simple and yet it was so powerful.
posted by Fizz at 8:07 PM on December 16, 2017 [6 favorites]
MeFi has always been a resource at critical points, but as far as MeFites reaching out...
A few years ago a MeFite saw I was applying to grad school and recommended I look up a colleague of his. Turns out I’d actually already cold emailed said colleague, but still. I was having a lot of... academia-is-a-fucked-up-place-sometimes angst about picking a boss for the next 5-6 years of my life, but that colleague of a MeFite is now my super supportive PhD advisor with whom I’ve had recent conversations about Cortex’s laser cutting leaf experiments and Menger sponge obsession. Plus I’m surrounded by awesome coworkers and just generally really love what I’m working on and where I’m doing it. I feel like I really lucked out, so yay MeFi & thanks Grouse. If my own personal anecdotes are extrapolatable, the stamp of MeFi approval is evidently a reasonable way to select mattresses and mentors.
posted by deludingmyself at 8:35 PM on December 16, 2017 [22 favorites]
A few years ago a MeFite saw I was applying to grad school and recommended I look up a colleague of his. Turns out I’d actually already cold emailed said colleague, but still. I was having a lot of... academia-is-a-fucked-up-place-sometimes angst about picking a boss for the next 5-6 years of my life, but that colleague of a MeFite is now my super supportive PhD advisor with whom I’ve had recent conversations about Cortex’s laser cutting leaf experiments and Menger sponge obsession. Plus I’m surrounded by awesome coworkers and just generally really love what I’m working on and where I’m doing it. I feel like I really lucked out, so yay MeFi & thanks Grouse. If my own personal anecdotes are extrapolatable, the stamp of MeFi approval is evidently a reasonable way to select mattresses and mentors.
posted by deludingmyself at 8:35 PM on December 16, 2017 [22 favorites]
I am still amazed by the warmth and kindness that Mefites showed in response to an anon Ask I had almost 10 years ago.
posted by not_the_water at 8:58 PM on December 16, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by not_the_water at 8:58 PM on December 16, 2017 [6 favorites]
Miko (or should I say National Treasure Miko?) reached out to me when I mentioned I was looking for a spiritual/religious community to join but confused about options. She explained a lot of stuff in detail and I found that really touching, and it was the last push I needed to actually go and check out congregations! I‘ve been attending my local Quaker meeting for a few months now and it makes a huge difference in my life. Thank you Miko and thanks, MetaFilter.
I was also very touched by responses I got to a very personal anon Ask a few years back. There was zero snark and so much compassion, and a lot of actual empathy and trying to understand my position. This, on the internet!? Just amazing.
posted by The Toad at 9:01 PM on December 16, 2017 [12 favorites]
I was also very touched by responses I got to a very personal anon Ask a few years back. There was zero snark and so much compassion, and a lot of actual empathy and trying to understand my position. This, on the internet!? Just amazing.
posted by The Toad at 9:01 PM on December 16, 2017 [12 favorites]
MetaFilter is the only place where I talk about sex work with people who aren't my significant other, coworkers in the business, or patrons of the business.
For the most part, the folks here are pretty understanding. Y'all make me feel like my point of view is valued, which is especially meaningful because I spend so much time in the rest of my life biting my tongue. I've bitten my tongue in classrooms and work situations, with friends and family, among people I dislike and (even worse) people I admire. I wonder how different my life would be if I freely spoke my mind. I'm not going to find out.
Society is horrible about sex workers. People love us in the dark and hate us in the light.
This is an anonymous account, so I'm not entirely in the light, but this is a general-interest forum that isn't specifically linked to sex work, so it certainly doesn't feel entirely in the dark either. I like the feeling of interacting with people "in the light" who know that I spend a lot of time "in the dark" and don't hate me for it — and maybe even value the diversity of my perspective accordingly.
So, I guess I'm not talking about a specific time that a MeFite reached out and helped me, but rather, the general conduct of MeFites as being helpful to me. I know that most of the world won't be as understanding and genuinely curious about sex work as most of y'all are. But I'm glad most of y'all are.
posted by Peppermint Snowflake at 9:19 PM on December 16, 2017 [61 favorites]
For the most part, the folks here are pretty understanding. Y'all make me feel like my point of view is valued, which is especially meaningful because I spend so much time in the rest of my life biting my tongue. I've bitten my tongue in classrooms and work situations, with friends and family, among people I dislike and (even worse) people I admire. I wonder how different my life would be if I freely spoke my mind. I'm not going to find out.
Society is horrible about sex workers. People love us in the dark and hate us in the light.
This is an anonymous account, so I'm not entirely in the light, but this is a general-interest forum that isn't specifically linked to sex work, so it certainly doesn't feel entirely in the dark either. I like the feeling of interacting with people "in the light" who know that I spend a lot of time "in the dark" and don't hate me for it — and maybe even value the diversity of my perspective accordingly.
So, I guess I'm not talking about a specific time that a MeFite reached out and helped me, but rather, the general conduct of MeFites as being helpful to me. I know that most of the world won't be as understanding and genuinely curious about sex work as most of y'all are. But I'm glad most of y'all are.
posted by Peppermint Snowflake at 9:19 PM on December 16, 2017 [61 favorites]
wenestvedt came close to getting me a job but much more pulled up my spirits at a very disillusioned period! I really appreciated the memail chat and the renewed idea of possibilities.
posted by sammyo at 9:22 PM on December 16, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by sammyo at 9:22 PM on December 16, 2017 [4 favorites]
People have been very compassionate in their answers to various personal anon Asks I've posted at several points. Both of my best friends are MeFites, too, so there's that—they've dealt with more than their share of whatever constitutes "the limeonaire show" in the past however-long. And I guess it's still more vaguery, but corresponding with at least one MeFite specifically had a dramatic influence on my outlook in some regards. I'd like to think our correspondence basically threw us a shared lifeline at a time when we were both in need of it, even though we're no longer in touch. That's not something I'll ever forget, for what it's worth (to me, it was worth a lot).
Less vaguely: The MeFi Music community has been rather supportive of even my fairly middling intermittent efforts, and it's led to the start of a great collaboration. For a few years, MeFiSwap helped me get to know a lot of music I otherwise wouldn't have. I've gotten to know a good number of MeFites in person via IRL meetups, which has made at least 2 cities more friendly than they otherwise might've been. The MeFi Twitter community has been a delight as well. And Secret Quonsar has been some exceeding loveliness during the past 2 darkest Decembers.
I owe at least one MeFite some correspondence, too, so I'll get to that eventually here. But yeah, much love.
posted by limeonaire at 9:28 PM on December 16, 2017 [5 favorites]
Less vaguely: The MeFi Music community has been rather supportive of even my fairly middling intermittent efforts, and it's led to the start of a great collaboration. For a few years, MeFiSwap helped me get to know a lot of music I otherwise wouldn't have. I've gotten to know a good number of MeFites in person via IRL meetups, which has made at least 2 cities more friendly than they otherwise might've been. The MeFi Twitter community has been a delight as well. And Secret Quonsar has been some exceeding loveliness during the past 2 darkest Decembers.
I owe at least one MeFite some correspondence, too, so I'll get to that eventually here. But yeah, much love.
posted by limeonaire at 9:28 PM on December 16, 2017 [5 favorites]
I get scared, I'll write or say something that comes off left-handed and south-footed and I get twisty and scared and I don't know what to do or say and I back off. FEAR -- Fuck Everything And Run. My best friend told me day before yesterday that when I go there my eyes look like the eyes of a cat dragging a broken leg backed under a prickly bush, needing help and hissing if you reach toward it. I've backed away from here a few times, never cut my account but wanted to, this place more important to me than I ever wanted it to be.
A few years ago I had this unreal bicycle wreck, huge concussion, broke a bunch of bones in my face, tore the rotator cuff right off the bone, shredded my arms and legs, ended up a bloody pile on a street I've driven daily since 1992 and I couldn't tell you the name of it when I came to. It was a huge deal in my life -- even just the x-rays of my face are super-cool -- I wanted to spill it in here, tell someone, I couldn't see my way through to it. Here this place is so important to my dumb stupid heart yet I can't talk. And how I do it, it's not a wall but rather a window, I can see through but not talk.
~~~~~
Out of the blue, I get this email. As follows:
We had a small meetup last weekend & I didn't think about it at the time, but now I notice you didn't make it. Doesn't look like you've been active on the site for a couple months either, so I wanted to drop a line & see how you were doing.
I hope you're well & just busy.
We met for coffee, I was talking about MetaFilter this, MetaFilter that, he said "No, no, I'm not talking about MetaFilter -- I mean you." and I was fuct. Time to come clean. Time to cop to the fear.
~~~~~
Though both are apt, this next is a better place to spend time: FEAR -- Forgetting Everything's All Right
This member -- in the spirit of anonymity I'll not give up his user id, I'lll just say that it rhymes with Revils Dancher -- he's got one of the biggest hearts in Austin. One of the best. A total citizen. Just be careful, or you'll get pinned down, and you'll have to tell what it is you really wanted to tell anyways but couldn't. I'm all the time Forgetting Everything's All Right; late on a sunny afternoon in a coffee shop right up the street, Revils Dancher gently guided me back to remembering.
~~~~~
I've not deleted that email. I'm not going to.
posted by dancestoblue at 1:55 AM on December 17, 2017 [49 favorites]
A few years ago I had this unreal bicycle wreck, huge concussion, broke a bunch of bones in my face, tore the rotator cuff right off the bone, shredded my arms and legs, ended up a bloody pile on a street I've driven daily since 1992 and I couldn't tell you the name of it when I came to. It was a huge deal in my life -- even just the x-rays of my face are super-cool -- I wanted to spill it in here, tell someone, I couldn't see my way through to it. Here this place is so important to my dumb stupid heart yet I can't talk. And how I do it, it's not a wall but rather a window, I can see through but not talk.
~~~~~
Out of the blue, I get this email. As follows:
We had a small meetup last weekend & I didn't think about it at the time, but now I notice you didn't make it. Doesn't look like you've been active on the site for a couple months either, so I wanted to drop a line & see how you were doing.
I hope you're well & just busy.
We met for coffee, I was talking about MetaFilter this, MetaFilter that, he said "No, no, I'm not talking about MetaFilter -- I mean you." and I was fuct. Time to come clean. Time to cop to the fear.
~~~~~
Though both are apt, this next is a better place to spend time: FEAR -- Forgetting Everything's All Right
This member -- in the spirit of anonymity I'll not give up his user id, I'lll just say that it rhymes with Revils Dancher -- he's got one of the biggest hearts in Austin. One of the best. A total citizen. Just be careful, or you'll get pinned down, and you'll have to tell what it is you really wanted to tell anyways but couldn't. I'm all the time Forgetting Everything's All Right; late on a sunny afternoon in a coffee shop right up the street, Revils Dancher gently guided me back to remembering.
~~~~~
I've not deleted that email. I'm not going to.
posted by dancestoblue at 1:55 AM on December 17, 2017 [49 favorites]
After my wife passed away, when Matt paid my late wife's ER and Ambulance bills.
posted by mrbill at 1:56 AM on December 17, 2017 [81 favorites]
posted by mrbill at 1:56 AM on December 17, 2017 [81 favorites]
And when mattbucher told me all I wanted to know about Freemasonry, helped me find a local-to-me lodge, and then surprised me by coming down to Houston from Austin for my Entered Apprentice initiation ceremony.
A couple of years later I was given the Gray Lodge Medal of Honor, one of the highest awards my Lodge gives out, for work I'd done for them. Part of that is Matt's fault :)
posted by mrbill at 2:00 AM on December 17, 2017 [12 favorites]
A couple of years later I was given the Gray Lodge Medal of Honor, one of the highest awards my Lodge gives out, for work I'd done for them. Part of that is Matt's fault :)
posted by mrbill at 2:00 AM on December 17, 2017 [12 favorites]
I think of askme as if I'm on who wants to be a millionaire and they are the phone a friend option. Generally I have my shit pretty much in order but sometimes life throws a snowball at my face and I don't know which end is up. I have used it for really harrowing situations when my IRL counsel of trusted peeps didn't have the experience or knowledge or degree of separation from the situation.
It sounds lame but Askme has literally guided my life for the past several years. I sure as hell don't follow the advice blindly but I read every answer countless times. I so appreciate the people who take the time to answer.
posted by pintapicasso at 5:16 AM on December 17, 2017 [6 favorites]
It sounds lame but Askme has literally guided my life for the past several years. I sure as hell don't follow the advice blindly but I read every answer countless times. I so appreciate the people who take the time to answer.
posted by pintapicasso at 5:16 AM on December 17, 2017 [6 favorites]
My son and I have kept from being homeless for the last six months by the grace of a member who wants to remain nameless, but has my everlasting gratitude. It has been the most overwhelming kindness in my entire life and the single reason I understand that there is still good in the world.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 5:33 AM on December 17, 2017 [58 favorites]
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 5:33 AM on December 17, 2017 [58 favorites]
Three things stick out in my mind.
I was assaulted when I was in Peru, coincident with a mining strike where I was stuck in a hotel room for two weeks. I didn't want to report to anyone, didn't want to tell the person I was working for, and had no other real connections, resources, or understanding of what to do or what was going on. I didn't want to ask a question of my own, but I searched through AskMe questions about rape and assault and sexuality and found the connection and support and help and vicarious sense of safety I needed.
I've told this story a zillion times, but when I got back from Cote d'Ivoire I found out that the university had canceled my health insurance when I tried to get tested for malaria at the student health services, so I just ... didn't do anything about probably having malaria. I asked an anonymous question about two weeks after my first symptoms and mefites came up with a bunch of resources and yelled at me for not going to the hospital. When I finally went to the hospital, I had a fever of 106, and because I hadn't earned a salary for more than a year, the hospital ended up forgiving my hospital bill (covering a one-week stay in a private room because they initially thought maybe it was Ebola because West Africa, multiple blood transfusions, lots of medication, etc.). My liver was shutting down, so it was a good thing I went when I did.
Finally, last year was rough on a personal level but about three months before I defended my dissertation, broke up with my boyfriend, and moved to Cote d'Ivoire for what was at-the-time an unknown period of time, I got an amazing box of treats and drawings and notes and things from the DC mefites. I was so overwhelmed and lonely, and all of a sudden it was like a giant group hug and it was lovely and amazing and I continue to be so grateful for all of you.
posted by ChuraChura at 5:39 AM on December 17, 2017 [46 favorites]
I was assaulted when I was in Peru, coincident with a mining strike where I was stuck in a hotel room for two weeks. I didn't want to report to anyone, didn't want to tell the person I was working for, and had no other real connections, resources, or understanding of what to do or what was going on. I didn't want to ask a question of my own, but I searched through AskMe questions about rape and assault and sexuality and found the connection and support and help and vicarious sense of safety I needed.
I've told this story a zillion times, but when I got back from Cote d'Ivoire I found out that the university had canceled my health insurance when I tried to get tested for malaria at the student health services, so I just ... didn't do anything about probably having malaria. I asked an anonymous question about two weeks after my first symptoms and mefites came up with a bunch of resources and yelled at me for not going to the hospital. When I finally went to the hospital, I had a fever of 106, and because I hadn't earned a salary for more than a year, the hospital ended up forgiving my hospital bill (covering a one-week stay in a private room because they initially thought maybe it was Ebola because West Africa, multiple blood transfusions, lots of medication, etc.). My liver was shutting down, so it was a good thing I went when I did.
Finally, last year was rough on a personal level but about three months before I defended my dissertation, broke up with my boyfriend, and moved to Cote d'Ivoire for what was at-the-time an unknown period of time, I got an amazing box of treats and drawings and notes and things from the DC mefites. I was so overwhelmed and lonely, and all of a sudden it was like a giant group hug and it was lovely and amazing and I continue to be so grateful for all of you.
posted by ChuraChura at 5:39 AM on December 17, 2017 [46 favorites]
3.5 years ago I was homeless, completely without money in the early stages of transitioning and posted a comment about it on mefi. A mefite sent me 50 dollars via PayPal with the request to pay it forward.
It was nice being able to buy food that day.
I helped a homeless trans woman in Seattle in return.
I also made a really good friend here who I’m not gonna name and she has saved me from my own darkness many times and given me so much in so many ways, so that too. Here’s to making friends you want to grow old with.
All this from an old school website. Imagine that.
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:42 AM on December 17, 2017 [28 favorites]
It was nice being able to buy food that day.
I helped a homeless trans woman in Seattle in return.
I also made a really good friend here who I’m not gonna name and she has saved me from my own darkness many times and given me so much in so many ways, so that too. Here’s to making friends you want to grow old with.
All this from an old school website. Imagine that.
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:42 AM on December 17, 2017 [28 favorites]
I don't have anything to contribute to the discussion prompt but I do have A NEW DOG [more Dodger spam here] and it is the best thing ever. We went to the shelter Tuesday night just to meet doggies and we met him and they were like, "Well, your application is already approved, so do you want to take him home?" and we did and it is so amazing. Our beloved 14-year-old sheltie left us in September and there has been a doggie shaped hole in our hearts which is now being filled by a much larger doggie shape.
posted by obfuscation at 6:43 AM on December 17, 2017 [23 favorites]
posted by obfuscation at 6:43 AM on December 17, 2017 [23 favorites]
My Mom died 10 years ago. My siblings wanted to delay the funeral to save on costs, though we could afford the flights and drives. It was just cheap, and my Mom was 99 different kinds of a pain in the ass, but she was decent to all of us financially. I me-mailed Cold Chef a question about it and about 10 minutes later got a phone call, support and solid advice. I called my siblings, and we had a funeral.
Moderation has made a big difference. Before the moderation was as thorough, people sometimes got roughed up. I don't miss that, so, thanks again, Mod Team.
posted by theora55 at 9:51 AM on December 17, 2017 [30 favorites]
Moderation has made a big difference. Before the moderation was as thorough, people sometimes got roughed up. I don't miss that, so, thanks again, Mod Team.
posted by theora55 at 9:51 AM on December 17, 2017 [30 favorites]
I’ve had a few minor tantrums here about the frustrations of trying to be a professional do-gooder in this miserable heartless world over the years and people have reached out with individual expressions of support. For some reason, those small acts have mattered a lot in times when I have needed it.
So let’s keep doing that sort of thing.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:09 AM on December 17, 2017 [5 favorites]
So let’s keep doing that sort of thing.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:09 AM on December 17, 2017 [5 favorites]
No big stories, but it’s hard to think of a part of my life that hasn’t been influenced and in some way improved by MetaFilter. Most of my close friends are people I met via MetaFilter. I run most of my purchasing, cooking, gift giving, travel, and some of my smaller medical decisions past MetaFilter (but I rarely have to post an Askme, you all have already asked about it!). MetaFilter has all the cute animal pictures, fun meetups, movie clubs, music challenges, and awesome holiday swaps one could hope for. And you all keep my husband employed in a job he loves and is uniquely suited for, which is pretty great.
posted by Secretariat at 10:18 AM on December 17, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Secretariat at 10:18 AM on December 17, 2017 [5 favorites]
Also- if this thread gets you feeling inspired, hey, why not call in a short message to the MetaFilter Podcast call-in-show?
posted by Secretariat at 10:22 AM on December 17, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Secretariat at 10:22 AM on December 17, 2017 [5 favorites]
I'd still be under an awful guys thumb if it weren't for this website. Y'all saved my life. Thanks.
posted by sockermom at 11:29 AM on December 17, 2017 [46 favorites]
posted by sockermom at 11:29 AM on December 17, 2017 [46 favorites]
Oh yeah and my best friends are all from here (or in a few cases are now here because of me, sorry not sorry) and I'm very grateful for that. I would be a very different person without metafilter.
posted by sockermom at 11:30 AM on December 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by sockermom at 11:30 AM on December 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
My Eeyore (thanks for noticing me) contribution:
After my six-month spell of inactivity, a MeFite I've never met sent a brief note with the subject line "Hope you're good." I was, but someone taking the time to check was nice. Thanks to all of you lovely people for making this a lovely place.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:30 PM on December 17, 2017 [5 favorites]
After my six-month spell of inactivity, a MeFite I've never met sent a brief note with the subject line "Hope you're good." I was, but someone taking the time to check was nice. Thanks to all of you lovely people for making this a lovely place.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:30 PM on December 17, 2017 [5 favorites]
theora55, Cold Chef also answered an out-of-the-blue and funeral-realted question that I sent to him around the time of my father-in-law's death this Spring. He doesn't know me from a hole in the ground, but he was prompt and honest and brief when I needed all three of those things.
Cold Chef, you're a good shit.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:08 PM on December 17, 2017 [13 favorites]
Cold Chef, you're a good shit.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:08 PM on December 17, 2017 [13 favorites]
Nthing Cold Chef. That guy was there for me during the worst week of my life, and my dad passing away.
My best Chicago friends are all from Metafilter, my career-- which I love, and is probably the actual reason I was out on this planet-- is a direct result of the political threads. I had a mefite come and knock on doors for a solid week from out of state during the Virginia election. This really is the best of the web.
posted by dogheart at 1:27 PM on December 17, 2017 [7 favorites]
My best Chicago friends are all from Metafilter, my career-- which I love, and is probably the actual reason I was out on this planet-- is a direct result of the political threads. I had a mefite come and knock on doors for a solid week from out of state during the Virginia election. This really is the best of the web.
posted by dogheart at 1:27 PM on December 17, 2017 [7 favorites]
Cold Chef reached out to me when I was going through a loss, just based on a comment I'd made. I'm still grateful.
Such kindness here.
posted by mochapickle at 1:28 PM on December 17, 2017 [7 favorites]
Such kindness here.
posted by mochapickle at 1:28 PM on December 17, 2017 [7 favorites]
I love this place. When I see the world going to shit I can come here and people are having civil discourse and being excellent to each other
posted by wheelieman at 1:58 PM on December 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by wheelieman at 1:58 PM on December 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
Countless little things, from connections made through Secret Quonsar, birthdays celebrated with MeFites, people reaching out to me via MeMail when I might have posted in AskMe about job issues, people just MeMailing me to say "hey, I enjoyed that thing you said" or any number of other things. Someone once FedExed me pickles when I was looking for specific pickles. Someone once offered to design me a media cabinet when I was looking for a media cabinet. This morning I tweeted a picture of my wife's car after she had a bad accident (she's fine) and a bunch of MeFites expressed concern.
And here is the main thing: I have fortunately never experienced a serious tragedy or hardship while I've been on Metafilter but I know, if I ever had one, this community would be there for me. There's a certain comfort in knowing that. I don't go to church, but this is my church. Y'all would have a barn raising if someone needed a new barn. I know you would.
posted by bondcliff at 2:08 PM on December 17, 2017 [31 favorites]
And here is the main thing: I have fortunately never experienced a serious tragedy or hardship while I've been on Metafilter but I know, if I ever had one, this community would be there for me. There's a certain comfort in knowing that. I don't go to church, but this is my church. Y'all would have a barn raising if someone needed a new barn. I know you would.
posted by bondcliff at 2:08 PM on December 17, 2017 [31 favorites]
I love all these stories. I need to memail more often.
posted by mochapickle at 2:14 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 2:14 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
I made a friend here (and MetaChat) who I've never seen in real life. This person is a really true friend who's gone through shit and also a real core life altering catastrophe mirroring one of mine. In addition, our birthdays are almost identical. I like to think that's a good sign.
This is a really important friendship for me because I have only a few other people in my life and they are more on the level of friendly folks. But this mefite is someone around whom I don't have to pretend because they are "right there with me." I am so damn alone in the world; yet I now can say that I have someone who cares about me.
And it's nice to know that at MF, it's OK to be me and not be perfect and to have people listen to what I'm saying. This is a safe place where I can have a voice. And that's due to stellar moderation and a wonderful site culture populated by some of the most amazing people - I'm looking at y'all, MeFites. Every one of you makes this the home that we all need.
posted by mightshould at 2:40 PM on December 17, 2017 [9 favorites]
This is a really important friendship for me because I have only a few other people in my life and they are more on the level of friendly folks. But this mefite is someone around whom I don't have to pretend because they are "right there with me." I am so damn alone in the world; yet I now can say that I have someone who cares about me.
And it's nice to know that at MF, it's OK to be me and not be perfect and to have people listen to what I'm saying. This is a safe place where I can have a voice. And that's due to stellar moderation and a wonderful site culture populated by some of the most amazing people - I'm looking at y'all, MeFites. Every one of you makes this the home that we all need.
posted by mightshould at 2:40 PM on December 17, 2017 [9 favorites]
Lovely, lovely deeds and sentiments here.
posted by Oyéah at 3:44 PM on December 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Oyéah at 3:44 PM on December 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
Back in 2012 when I was looking for curtain rings, and bemoaning the fact that Canberra did not then have an Ikea, smoke, who was then a total stranger to me, memailed me with a very sinister subject line ("It's curtains for you!") and offered to go to his local Ikea, buy me curtain rings, and post them. Because that's the sort of amazing guy he is.
A couple of years later when I moved to Sydney, I hunted him down (to buy him a drink in thanks, I think, although I'm not sure that I ever actually did. I think instead he came to our house and brought us drinks, dammit) and made him introduce me to all the other wonderful mefites here, and it turned out they are all as wonderful as him. And I swear my entire social circle has sprung from that. Just yesterday, a visiting friend from out of town marveled at how we've only been here three years and yet have regular(ish) board game nights (thanks to polychora and kjs4), and surfing buddies (polychora!), and Friday night open house invitations (yay taff!) and cheese parties (hey, his thoughts were red thoughts and misfish, surely they will become a regular thing now, right?) and people who give me all their stuff (thanks, jadepearl!) And they are all the most delightful people I have ever had the pleasure to be friends with.
All thanks to Ask Metafilter and recalcitrant curtains.
posted by lollusc at 3:53 PM on December 17, 2017 [21 favorites]
A couple of years later when I moved to Sydney, I hunted him down (to buy him a drink in thanks, I think, although I'm not sure that I ever actually did. I think instead he came to our house and brought us drinks, dammit) and made him introduce me to all the other wonderful mefites here, and it turned out they are all as wonderful as him. And I swear my entire social circle has sprung from that. Just yesterday, a visiting friend from out of town marveled at how we've only been here three years and yet have regular(ish) board game nights (thanks to polychora and kjs4), and surfing buddies (polychora!), and Friday night open house invitations (yay taff!) and cheese parties (hey, his thoughts were red thoughts and misfish, surely they will become a regular thing now, right?) and people who give me all their stuff (thanks, jadepearl!) And they are all the most delightful people I have ever had the pleasure to be friends with.
All thanks to Ask Metafilter and recalcitrant curtains.
posted by lollusc at 3:53 PM on December 17, 2017 [21 favorites]
During Hurricane Katrina, the MetaFilter community assisted me in getting help and eventually rescuing a friend's mom who was trapped in the flooded city. Then, when my wife's family moved in with me (22 people for five weeks!), MetaFilter helped me pay my ridiculously large electric bill.
In 2008, after Hurricane Gustav, the community offered assistance again. They made a donation in my name to hurricane relief.
I've had such great interactions with so many members, it's impossible to list them all. But just know that I love all of you wonderful people.
I've been fortunate to help many of the members here with the death of a spouse, or parent, or child. The trust they've put in me, a voice on the internet, is humbling and I've tried to be worthy of that trust. End of life issues can be very confusing and frustrating. But if there's any way I can help any of you, please don't hesistate to reach out. It's my greatest joy to ease the suffering of others.
posted by ColdChef at 4:18 PM on December 17, 2017 [70 favorites]
In 2008, after Hurricane Gustav, the community offered assistance again. They made a donation in my name to hurricane relief.
I've had such great interactions with so many members, it's impossible to list them all. But just know that I love all of you wonderful people.
I've been fortunate to help many of the members here with the death of a spouse, or parent, or child. The trust they've put in me, a voice on the internet, is humbling and I've tried to be worthy of that trust. End of life issues can be very confusing and frustrating. But if there's any way I can help any of you, please don't hesistate to reach out. It's my greatest joy to ease the suffering of others.
posted by ColdChef at 4:18 PM on December 17, 2017 [70 favorites]
I was already out-of-town when my neighborhood was put under mandatory evacuation due to flooding from Hurricane Harvey. Mamapotomus, whose screen name I had to look up because I mainly know her from Mefite Twitter and an intro from ColdChef, came over to my house and rescued my back-up hard-drives, moved my autographed books to higher ground, and saved important family pictures. Then she and her husband did their best to move the car I had stupidly left behind up to safer ground. As it turned out, the water never entered my home, but I know who has my back in a pinch. She's also done emergency after school child care for us and is basically the personal hero of the entire Aletheias family. My kids love her, and they usually have good taste in adult people.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 4:36 PM on December 17, 2017 [24 favorites]
posted by Pater Aletheias at 4:36 PM on December 17, 2017 [24 favorites]
(hey, his thoughts were red thoughts and misfish, surely they will become a regular thing now, right?)
I don't know if my arteries can take it, but why not.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:00 PM on December 17, 2017
I don't know if my arteries can take it, but why not.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:00 PM on December 17, 2017
* In 2012 my computer was acting weird; Deezil had a note in his profile that said he was amenable to some computer questions, so I shot him a simple Memail, thinking just for quick advice. All I was expecting was "yeah, here's what you need to do". Instead, he not only ascertained the problem (I needed a new hard drive), he asked me what make and model I had and did a search for the exact kind of hard drive I needed, sent me the specs and a link to the place I could order it, told me how to place my order when I went to get it installed, coached me in instructing the computer shop in transferring my files, and even called me from Kentucky to walk me through a weird last-minute issue I had when the virus program on the system kept crashing everything. I still maintain that he is a Golden God.
* Sometime in the early 2010's I was grumbling that I wanted to go to a New York meetup but was broke. Another MeFite quietly contacted me and said they could spot me 20 bucks and made me promise not to tell anyone who they were and that they'd done that; they just wanted to make sure I was able to make the meet up.
* I was looking for a specific K-Beauty item this weekend but was only able to find it online. I posted an AskMe looking for possible brick-and-mortar sources so I could go get it; instead, a MeFite privately contacted me saying "Hey, I think I live next door to a place that has those" and not only went to confirm that, they actually GOT it for me and met me in the city yesterday to hand it off. (I still owe you, let me know how to get you the money!)
* Nearly all of the vacations I have taken in the past several years have included a meetup I've proposed. Even if it's only one person who shows up with their dad; it's still a hell of a good time.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:41 PM on December 17, 2017 [9 favorites]
* Sometime in the early 2010's I was grumbling that I wanted to go to a New York meetup but was broke. Another MeFite quietly contacted me and said they could spot me 20 bucks and made me promise not to tell anyone who they were and that they'd done that; they just wanted to make sure I was able to make the meet up.
* I was looking for a specific K-Beauty item this weekend but was only able to find it online. I posted an AskMe looking for possible brick-and-mortar sources so I could go get it; instead, a MeFite privately contacted me saying "Hey, I think I live next door to a place that has those" and not only went to confirm that, they actually GOT it for me and met me in the city yesterday to hand it off. (I still owe you, let me know how to get you the money!)
* Nearly all of the vacations I have taken in the past several years have included a meetup I've proposed. Even if it's only one person who shows up with their dad; it's still a hell of a good time.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:41 PM on December 17, 2017 [9 favorites]
Stay-at-home mom/ home educator roles were very isolating for me. Most of the people I knew in similar circumstances had verrrry different political and religious world views. And while my kid is FANTASTIC, it was many years before he was old enough to have deep conservations about social issues, literature, feminism, and so on.
I developed and learned to live with a chronic illness during that same time. Metafilter kept me from feeling so alone, kept me connected and growing. Ask answered questions for me, some of which I hadn't even known to ask. And when my kid was ready launch into the world, I was ready too, and in a much stronger place mentally.
While I was largely silent on the blue for many years, I know that I'm a better person because of the intelligent, respectful discussions I witnessed here. I understand myself and other humans a bit better. And I'm really proud that the site has changed and grown as it has, becoming more compassionate and inclusive; I'm confident we will all continue to grow in this direction.
I'm really not sure how I'd have made it through this past year without you all. Thanks for being here. (Speaking up more here is one of my goals for the new year.)
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 5:41 PM on December 17, 2017 [13 favorites]
I developed and learned to live with a chronic illness during that same time. Metafilter kept me from feeling so alone, kept me connected and growing. Ask answered questions for me, some of which I hadn't even known to ask. And when my kid was ready launch into the world, I was ready too, and in a much stronger place mentally.
While I was largely silent on the blue for many years, I know that I'm a better person because of the intelligent, respectful discussions I witnessed here. I understand myself and other humans a bit better. And I'm really proud that the site has changed and grown as it has, becoming more compassionate and inclusive; I'm confident we will all continue to grow in this direction.
I'm really not sure how I'd have made it through this past year without you all. Thanks for being here. (Speaking up more here is one of my goals for the new year.)
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 5:41 PM on December 17, 2017 [13 favorites]
I'm not even sure where to start. Mathowie gave me a job so I could keep on doing the other things I loved in life--teaching email to older people mainly--and know I had a steady income and health insurance. People were kind to me when me and my then-boyfriend split up and I had a lot of regular late night chatting and bullshitting and emailing pals. I met my new SO (ten years running nearly, just kissed him goodbye as he went home an hour ago) at a meetup where I also met at least three or four other people I've spoken to or emailed in the past year (hi bondcliff!). ColdChef helped me say goodbye to both my parents in the style which befit them. rtha and gingerbeer rescued me from being stuck in an airport overnight and took me home and fed me drinks and gave me cat therapy. churl helped fix my computer and sent me RAM in the mail just last month. MLTSHP, a MeFi spinoff, has helped me help other image-sharing nerds find a little internet home after MLKSHK closed down.
I remember when we did this thread in 2009 though I did not remember my comment which is eerily similar to the one I just made, though both my parents were still alive then. I found that thread Googling for my-favorite-of-all-time MeFi good friends comment which is nothing amazingly exceptional but sticks in my mind because of just how much it expresses what I love about it here. By Elsa and I always find it by Googling "I have made some good friends in this place."
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:00 PM on December 17, 2017 [22 favorites]
I remember when we did this thread in 2009 though I did not remember my comment which is eerily similar to the one I just made, though both my parents were still alive then. I found that thread Googling for my-favorite-of-all-time MeFi good friends comment which is nothing amazingly exceptional but sticks in my mind because of just how much it expresses what I love about it here. By Elsa and I always find it by Googling "I have made some good friends in this place."
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:00 PM on December 17, 2017 [22 favorites]
(hey, his thoughts were red thoughts and misfish, surely they will become a regular thing now, right?)
I don't know if my arteries can take it, but why not.
Yay! I did kind of figure you wouldn't have kept referring to it as CHEESE PARTY 2017 if you hadn't been up for CHEESE PARTY 2018
posted by lollusc at 6:05 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
I don't know if my arteries can take it, but why not.
Yay! I did kind of figure you wouldn't have kept referring to it as CHEESE PARTY 2017 if you hadn't been up for CHEESE PARTY 2018
posted by lollusc at 6:05 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
adrienneleigh saved me from a family shit-storm once .
mefites are the best people
posted by scruss at 6:35 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
mefites are the best people
posted by scruss at 6:35 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
Mathowie gave me a job so I could keep on doing the other things I loved in life
That’s where I started crying because I knew it (guessing) was jessamyn and dammit I knew she was gonna make me cry halfway through her comment so I just started crying because I knew it was coming anyway.
Y’all.
Seriously.
Hugzzzzzzzzzzz
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:40 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
That’s where I started crying because I knew it (guessing) was jessamyn and dammit I knew she was gonna make me cry halfway through her comment so I just started crying because I knew it was coming anyway.
Y’all.
Seriously.
Hugzzzzzzzzzzz
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:40 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]
sammyo, I amflatteted. I only wish I could gave delivered on the job: you sound great. :7)
After all the things I have gotten from hanging out here, comforting words seem like the most appropriate Pay It Forward possible.
I still owe you a coffee or beer here in PVD!!
posted by wenestvedt at 7:05 PM on December 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
After all the things I have gotten from hanging out here, comforting words seem like the most appropriate Pay It Forward possible.
I still owe you a coffee or beer here in PVD!!
posted by wenestvedt at 7:05 PM on December 17, 2017 [1 favorite]
When I get to feeling lonely, just coming here and hearing all the smart and informative and hilarious talkage and chattery, makes me feel like I have hundreds of dear friends. And then there's that matter of over ninety spouses!
posted by a humble nudibranch at 7:05 PM on December 17, 2017 [14 favorites]
posted by a humble nudibranch at 7:05 PM on December 17, 2017 [14 favorites]
I have done some truly insane art stuff with mefites - kjs4 and I have seen things during GISHWHES.
In 2015, taff came and held my hand in a hospital once, when we barely knew each other. Since then, we have consumed many, many bottles of terrible $4 rose from Aldi (the trick is, you drink the good wine first). She also bullied me into playing the ukulele with her and 2 other mefites. It's been three years and we are still terrible.
Mefites who have never met me face to face before have taken me out for meals and beers in Tokyo, HK, Buenos Aires, New York and Washington DC (shoutout to 23, frumiousb, jontyjago, alynnk et al, Mrs Pterodactyl et al.). I've traded beers and jokes with visiting mefites at rooftops bars with views of the Sydney Opera House ('sup, ocherdraco, Rt Hon, philosopher dirtbike, Bluestocking Southerner?).
I still have cheese left over from the mefite-only CHEESE PARTY 2017 (some sort of odd but delicious variant of edam and a fancy chevre).
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:08 PM on December 17, 2017 [4 favorites]
In 2015, taff came and held my hand in a hospital once, when we barely knew each other. Since then, we have consumed many, many bottles of terrible $4 rose from Aldi (the trick is, you drink the good wine first). She also bullied me into playing the ukulele with her and 2 other mefites. It's been three years and we are still terrible.
Mefites who have never met me face to face before have taken me out for meals and beers in Tokyo, HK, Buenos Aires, New York and Washington DC (shoutout to 23, frumiousb, jontyjago, alynnk et al, Mrs Pterodactyl et al.). I've traded beers and jokes with visiting mefites at rooftops bars with views of the Sydney Opera House ('sup, ocherdraco, Rt Hon, philosopher dirtbike, Bluestocking Southerner?).
I still have cheese left over from the mefite-only CHEESE PARTY 2017 (some sort of odd but delicious variant of edam and a fancy chevre).
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:08 PM on December 17, 2017 [4 favorites]
Too many to count with my closest friend, who I met a long time ago through MeFi and MeCha, and just knowing I have someone who will absolutely have my back is one of my favorite things about my life.
Most recently, I just had a MeFite offer to throw $30 toward a gift I was considering for a family member (I turned it down, due to various family reasons, but I'm so touched). A huge number of my Facebook friends are MeFites, most of whom I call my "imaginary friends" because I haven't met them in person, and they provide daily encouragement, support, advice, and laughs. This is a special place.
posted by lazuli at 8:03 PM on December 17, 2017 [6 favorites]
Most recently, I just had a MeFite offer to throw $30 toward a gift I was considering for a family member (I turned it down, due to various family reasons, but I'm so touched). A huge number of my Facebook friends are MeFites, most of whom I call my "imaginary friends" because I haven't met them in person, and they provide daily encouragement, support, advice, and laughs. This is a special place.
posted by lazuli at 8:03 PM on December 17, 2017 [6 favorites]
This place is my haven. I'm not very forthcoming personally but I have the tentative feeling that if I really really needed to say something, I'd get warm and helpful responses. This counts for a lot. So thanks in advance.
posted by MovableBookLady at 8:45 PM on December 17, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by MovableBookLady at 8:45 PM on December 17, 2017 [11 favorites]
I call my mefite friends my Snuffleupagus friends to my “real life” peeps. And I love you all.
posted by msali at 8:48 PM on December 17, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by msali at 8:48 PM on December 17, 2017 [11 favorites]
Finally, last year was rough on a personal level but about three months before I defended my dissertation, broke up with my boyfriend, and moved to Cote d'Ivoire for what was at-the-time an unknown period of time, I got an amazing box of treats and drawings and notes and things from the DC mefites. I was so overwhelmed and lonely, and all of a sudden it was like a giant group hug and it was lovely and amazing and I continue to be so grateful for all of you.
I just want to say that the idea behind this came from everybody had matching towels who was kind enough to think of it and organized enough to get people to write cards/make cookies and actually get the package in the mail and also is a really good person with whom it is fun to spend time.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:43 AM on December 18, 2017 [7 favorites]
I just want to say that the idea behind this came from everybody had matching towels who was kind enough to think of it and organized enough to get people to write cards/make cookies and actually get the package in the mail and also is a really good person with whom it is fun to spend time.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:43 AM on December 18, 2017 [7 favorites]
It's the author of this metatalk who I want to credit. When hippybear (among others) offered to assist any Mefite wanting help with making their first post, I took him up on his offer and was extremely grateful for his tips and suggestions. I have only made one other post since that first one but I am no longer *intimidated* at the thought of making posts.
posted by biggreenplant at 6:54 AM on December 18, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by biggreenplant at 6:54 AM on December 18, 2017 [7 favorites]
I posted this in the hopes of bettering my prior high water mark as No. 1 gift-giving daughter in law, and a lovely Mefite who wants to remain anonymous dropped me a line.
Yeah, a small thing, but it was so totally and completely unexpected and done for nothing but pure, sheer kindness and wanting to be good to a fellow Mefite.
Also, this is one jillion years ago, but I posted a question about a tapas tour in Madrid, and a Mefite stepped up and offered to take us around. It was one of the best nights of eating Mr. Machine and I have ever, ever had, and absolutely incredible, and I don't think I appreciated it as much as I should have in the moment. But we talk about it from time to time, and I think back to that guy from time to time -- he doesn't post a lot to Metafilter, but I hope him and his wife and I think he mentioned having a new baby? I hope they're all doing well, as is his friend who we met.
posted by joyceanmachine at 6:58 AM on December 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yeah, a small thing, but it was so totally and completely unexpected and done for nothing but pure, sheer kindness and wanting to be good to a fellow Mefite.
Also, this is one jillion years ago, but I posted a question about a tapas tour in Madrid, and a Mefite stepped up and offered to take us around. It was one of the best nights of eating Mr. Machine and I have ever, ever had, and absolutely incredible, and I don't think I appreciated it as much as I should have in the moment. But we talk about it from time to time, and I think back to that guy from time to time -- he doesn't post a lot to Metafilter, but I hope him and his wife and I think he mentioned having a new baby? I hope they're all doing well, as is his friend who we met.
posted by joyceanmachine at 6:58 AM on December 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
Back in the heady days of late 2016 when things were looking oh-so-very up, glasseyes asked if someone could help her get Hillary pins, which got me and my wife motivated to donate. We sent some pins and maybe some more things, then glasseyes sent back a box of goodies that are only available in the UK. Since then, we've MeMailed and emailed a few times, commiserating that those pins that were once worn in triumph and jubilation are now reminders of what could have been.
We've made friends with folks from local meetups (and received tasty, tasty jams from Ambrosia Voyeur!), and I've had fun with new friends in new locations. My recent favorite was dancing to goth music at a gay club in Phoenix, thanks Lapin and Superplin! I stayed up too late, but it was totally worth it.
I've been MeMailed out of the blue to talk about life in New Mexico to a possible new neighbor, which was fun.
And I've learned so much from all y'all, too many to thank. Really, this is the best of all things, both MetaFilter in general and this thread in specific. Thanks hippybear!
posted by filthy light thief at 7:23 AM on December 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
We've made friends with folks from local meetups (and received tasty, tasty jams from Ambrosia Voyeur!), and I've had fun with new friends in new locations. My recent favorite was dancing to goth music at a gay club in Phoenix, thanks Lapin and Superplin! I stayed up too late, but it was totally worth it.
I've been MeMailed out of the blue to talk about life in New Mexico to a possible new neighbor, which was fun.
And I've learned so much from all y'all, too many to thank. Really, this is the best of all things, both MetaFilter in general and this thread in specific. Thanks hippybear!
posted by filthy light thief at 7:23 AM on December 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
When my dad died earlier this year, we had to clear anything we wanted out of his house with a quickness. I was addled by grief and was stumped on how to get big objects from the Hudson Valley to Cleveland, and posted about it; then shortly asked for the post to be removed because I’d successfully Googled furniture shippers. In the few minutes that it was up, AugustWest saw it and reached out with both compassion and a mover suggestion. ColdChef was also helpful with some other details. I also see ColdChef on Twitter but whenever I see either name, I think “that person made a difference for me when I was floundering.” So, thanks, fellas.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:42 AM on December 18, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:42 AM on December 18, 2017 [5 favorites]
I'd like to shout out to jbenben and jessamyn for sharing their cool headed experiences with difficult family. This past year has been very difficult for me, but I am mentally healthier than I ever have been.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:35 AM on December 18, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Sophie1 at 8:35 AM on December 18, 2017 [6 favorites]
My gratitude with respect to this place is mostly related to Music and the awesome little community that it can be. It may not be on everyone's radar but this small little corner of MeFi has been super-important to me over the years. Even though I've only met a few of them in person, I feel like I know a bunch of these people really well, just through music and comments, songs and life. You might think it's not as life-impacting as AskMe questions about relationships or "real" problems, but it IS. For me, and for lots of people, music is how you deal with stuff. It's super important and I can't even count the times someone's song has made me really emotional. Often the songs with the hugest impact are those songs the person writes and records in private, on limited equipment, quietly uploading it, almost apologetically. It's a little slice of them, distilled into 2 minutes.
I feel like it's been too quiet over there for the last few years now and that makes me sad. I'm hoping to put more energy back into music (in my own life) and Music (the site) next year.
Some great memories:
I've mentioned this a bunch of times, but years ago, I helped micayetoca out with a part in his song. As a totally-unnecessary thank you, he sent a Cuatro all the way from Venezuela to Toronto with his friend, who delivered it to my door. I was blown away and used it in a song soon thereafter.
One time I posted a question on MusicTalk looking for advice on a cheap bass, as the one I'd been using had been found in the garbage in the early 90s by a friend of mine and had a neck that was curved like a ski jump. Scruss had one that he wasn't using and said I could have it! He lived near my wife's work so she went to pick it up and I've been using it on pretty much everything ever since.
But it's a generosity of more than just physical *stuff*. There's often a collaborative spirit. I've had lots of people help me out with songs over the years and it's always a blast. Most recently, last year I needed a harmony vocal on a song I was doing for the final round of a 7-week SongFight! contest called Nur Ein. I wanted to do a country-ish Gram and Emmylou kinda thing but I was panicking because I didn't know how I was going to pull it off on my own. I sheepishly approached greenish who didn't even hesitate and went above and beyond, sending me several (perfect) takes during what was a hectic weekend for her. The song turned out pretty good and we won!
This doesn't even scratch the surface of the amazing feeling of support that comes from the comments and input on posted songs. Not to mention the great advice I've received from MeMailing people with my dumb questions.
So yeah, for me it's Music.
The shitty part of all of this is that I've really neglected it for the last while. Life happens and priorities shift and your focus moves to other stuff. That's got to change. #newyeargoals
posted by chococat at 9:13 AM on December 18, 2017 [10 favorites]
I feel like it's been too quiet over there for the last few years now and that makes me sad. I'm hoping to put more energy back into music (in my own life) and Music (the site) next year.
Some great memories:
I've mentioned this a bunch of times, but years ago, I helped micayetoca out with a part in his song. As a totally-unnecessary thank you, he sent a Cuatro all the way from Venezuela to Toronto with his friend, who delivered it to my door. I was blown away and used it in a song soon thereafter.
One time I posted a question on MusicTalk looking for advice on a cheap bass, as the one I'd been using had been found in the garbage in the early 90s by a friend of mine and had a neck that was curved like a ski jump. Scruss had one that he wasn't using and said I could have it! He lived near my wife's work so she went to pick it up and I've been using it on pretty much everything ever since.
But it's a generosity of more than just physical *stuff*. There's often a collaborative spirit. I've had lots of people help me out with songs over the years and it's always a blast. Most recently, last year I needed a harmony vocal on a song I was doing for the final round of a 7-week SongFight! contest called Nur Ein. I wanted to do a country-ish Gram and Emmylou kinda thing but I was panicking because I didn't know how I was going to pull it off on my own. I sheepishly approached greenish who didn't even hesitate and went above and beyond, sending me several (perfect) takes during what was a hectic weekend for her. The song turned out pretty good and we won!
This doesn't even scratch the surface of the amazing feeling of support that comes from the comments and input on posted songs. Not to mention the great advice I've received from MeMailing people with my dumb questions.
So yeah, for me it's Music.
The shitty part of all of this is that I've really neglected it for the last while. Life happens and priorities shift and your focus moves to other stuff. That's got to change. #newyeargoals
posted by chococat at 9:13 AM on December 18, 2017 [10 favorites]
As I mentioned in the thread about the Alabama senate election, 3 months ago I was brutally raped by a fellow medical student.
Since then, I’ve had a constant stream of support from mefites. In particular: angelchrys, a strong female character, bookdragoness, chatongriffes, ColdChef, dancing_angel, geek anachronism, lalex, leesh, marteki, mothershock, redsparkler, and sockermom have made themselves available to me by text since the first few days after my assault. Some have ordered me pizza on days when food was too hard, or let me wake them up in the middle of the night when I had nightmares, or hosted me in their home and provided a huggable narwhal and let me talk my heart out. The Wrong Kind of Cheese connected me with a professional organizer to help me get my life in order before I restarted my rotations on general surgery.
Other mefites helped without knowing. Chicago mefites, that meetup at the Billy Goat back in October was the first time I went out for drinks post-assault. It was so nice to do something that felt as familiar as a MeFi meetup so soon after the event. jamuraa, bleep, pankaykes: seeing y’all in the Bay Area was likewise a wonderful respite from what had become my day to day at that moment.
And more folks have reached out to me since my comment last week. It’s hard to express how much that means to me.
Thank you, MetaFilter, for loving me. I love you right back.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:53 AM on December 18, 2017 [41 favorites]
Since then, I’ve had a constant stream of support from mefites. In particular: angelchrys, a strong female character, bookdragoness, chatongriffes, ColdChef, dancing_angel, geek anachronism, lalex, leesh, marteki, mothershock, redsparkler, and sockermom have made themselves available to me by text since the first few days after my assault. Some have ordered me pizza on days when food was too hard, or let me wake them up in the middle of the night when I had nightmares, or hosted me in their home and provided a huggable narwhal and let me talk my heart out. The Wrong Kind of Cheese connected me with a professional organizer to help me get my life in order before I restarted my rotations on general surgery.
Other mefites helped without knowing. Chicago mefites, that meetup at the Billy Goat back in October was the first time I went out for drinks post-assault. It was so nice to do something that felt as familiar as a MeFi meetup so soon after the event. jamuraa, bleep, pankaykes: seeing y’all in the Bay Area was likewise a wonderful respite from what had become my day to day at that moment.
And more folks have reached out to me since my comment last week. It’s hard to express how much that means to me.
Thank you, MetaFilter, for loving me. I love you right back.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:53 AM on December 18, 2017 [41 favorites]
Also sadmadglad in that long list! I knew I was forgetting someone!
posted by ocherdraco at 10:12 AM on December 18, 2017
posted by ocherdraco at 10:12 AM on December 18, 2017
I don't chat directly with folks much and only occasionally make it to meetups. Whenever I travel for work I try and see if I can arrange my schedule to find time to meet any local MeFites; so far it's only worked once this spring when I met Josh in Portland. So I don't have a huge ton of IRL stories to share. But I find myself in the hospital on a not-quite-regular basis but averaging about once a calendar year. I don't usually say anything about it when it's happening, but just having this place around and folks talking about whatever is really really good for me to help keep my mind off stuff, pass the time, and all that. Usually I read without saying much, but it really means a lot to know that you're all out there doing your thing and being MeFites. So keep at it, because you're probably helping someone without even meaning to.
posted by nickmark at 10:45 AM on December 18, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by nickmark at 10:45 AM on December 18, 2017 [10 favorites]
I think I've sort of mentioned this in passing before, but Metafilter seriously helped raise me. My parents were sort of... benignly neglectful of my education. They knew enough not to want me in the local public school in rural Tennessee, where my nonconformist older sister had eventually dropped out. But they also both worked full time and had all their remaining time eaten up by finding ways to save money since they had three kids and no college degrees, doing an unbelievable amount of emotional labor attempting to save their failing marriage (again), taking care of ailing extended family members, and dealing with two mentally ill older siblings (bipolar and severe ADHD respectively.) They decided that they wanted to homeschool me and since I was the youngest and seemed the most self-sufficient my education became the thing that just sort of.... slid. Off the table, on to the floor, down a drain, and entirely out of sight. They were never neglectful of me emotionally but my homeschooling curriculum consisted of my dad occasionally throwing a book at me and telling me to read it. And since they were both gone for long stretches, and both my older siblings were out of the house by the time I hit about 12, there was no accountability at all.
So I pretty much did as I pleased when I was at home alone for 12 hrs. a day, and that included the Internet. A lot of Internet. And at some point, I stumbled on Metafilter-- I have no idea how-- and wow, there's a lot of fascinating stuff here, isn't there? I think I was about 14? I bought a membership at 17 but I know I had been reading the site for years before that, and didn't buy a membership because I didn't have my own bank account yet to connect to Paypal. And Metafilter quickly became (even without an account), along with Livejournal, my most-visited place on the web. I probably spent more time here than I did with many of my relatives and I read everything that looked even vaguely interesting. As the site grew and changed and became better, I grew and changed and became better along with it. To this day, people are impressed with both my social awareness and my breadth (although rarely depth, hah) of knowledge. I credit MeFi with a huge hand in both. Y'all taught me how to write well and clearly and how to empathize with experiences that are different than mine and how to be interested in just about everything. And I'm still here because you guys are some of the best people around producing one of the best communities around and sharing some of the most interesting things I've ever read about.
So thanks MeFi for being my third parent. Or at least my really cool aunt.
Now of course as an adult I can look back on my education in adolescence and be like, "Were you fucking insane? What did you think was going to happen?" to my parents, to which their defense is invariably, "Yes, but you're in graduate school for your PhD now aren't you so clearly it all worked out all right", which, fair, but also, holy shit what a gamble.
posted by WidgetAlley at 11:16 AM on December 18, 2017 [44 favorites]
So I pretty much did as I pleased when I was at home alone for 12 hrs. a day, and that included the Internet. A lot of Internet. And at some point, I stumbled on Metafilter-- I have no idea how-- and wow, there's a lot of fascinating stuff here, isn't there? I think I was about 14? I bought a membership at 17 but I know I had been reading the site for years before that, and didn't buy a membership because I didn't have my own bank account yet to connect to Paypal. And Metafilter quickly became (even without an account), along with Livejournal, my most-visited place on the web. I probably spent more time here than I did with many of my relatives and I read everything that looked even vaguely interesting. As the site grew and changed and became better, I grew and changed and became better along with it. To this day, people are impressed with both my social awareness and my breadth (although rarely depth, hah) of knowledge. I credit MeFi with a huge hand in both. Y'all taught me how to write well and clearly and how to empathize with experiences that are different than mine and how to be interested in just about everything. And I'm still here because you guys are some of the best people around producing one of the best communities around and sharing some of the most interesting things I've ever read about.
So thanks MeFi for being my third parent. Or at least my really cool aunt.
Now of course as an adult I can look back on my education in adolescence and be like, "Were you fucking insane? What did you think was going to happen?" to my parents, to which their defense is invariably, "Yes, but you're in graduate school for your PhD now aren't you so clearly it all worked out all right", which, fair, but also, holy shit what a gamble.
posted by WidgetAlley at 11:16 AM on December 18, 2017 [44 favorites]
Ok, hold onto your hats, because I just remembered a story about how awesome ocherdraco is! I frequently tell this story to people in person as an example of "Mefites are very good people" but I don't know if I've told it here before. In the summer of 2015 I had an internship that required me to move from Oregon to Alabama for several months. We packed up the car and drove for about a week (stopping briefly to eat Greg Nog's homemade french fries in a rainstorm). Shortly before we arrived, exhausted, confused, strangers in a strange land (humidity?? honest to goodness earnestly polite people??) ocherdraco reached out and invited us to meet her for dinner, since she was in town visiting family. Well, we didn't just grab dinner with her someplace, we ate a home cooked dinner with her hospitable and kind family at their home! (Did I mention I had never met ocherdraco before?) Everyone gave us tips and tricks and history about the local area, and ocherdraco gave us a big bag of tourist maps and brochures and restaurant lists which we used as references for the rest of our time there. It was the best way we could have hoped to transition from days of driving and a series of serviceable but cheap motels back to having a place to call home. Thank you so much, you are definitely loved.
posted by Secretariat at 11:28 AM on December 18, 2017 [22 favorites]
posted by Secretariat at 11:28 AM on December 18, 2017 [22 favorites]
I rarely post but earlier this year I got a bunch of support and messages when I was dealing with losing my cat out of the blue. It was one of the worst times of my life and the kind comments and messages made it easier to deal with. I also don't know how I'd have stayed sane this past year without the politics threads....it's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone in my beliefs and priorities.
Love you guys!
posted by d13t_p3ps1 at 11:57 AM on December 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
Love you guys!
posted by d13t_p3ps1 at 11:57 AM on December 18, 2017 [3 favorites]
Oh right -
In the days after the election, and several times for the next few months, I lost count of how many Memails I got from people saying "you know what, I was all mad about Trump but then I remembered you takling about the International Rescue Committee and I just made a donation. I just wanted to let you know." I got like five right away, the morning after the election - which I could then talk about in this sort of mass office wake/pep rally they had the following afternoon, so that cheered up the entire office.
I left the IRC in June, but I still thik they do great work and I'm still grateful people were wanting to help.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:58 AM on December 18, 2017 [5 favorites]
In the days after the election, and several times for the next few months, I lost count of how many Memails I got from people saying "you know what, I was all mad about Trump but then I remembered you takling about the International Rescue Committee and I just made a donation. I just wanted to let you know." I got like five right away, the morning after the election - which I could then talk about in this sort of mass office wake/pep rally they had the following afternoon, so that cheered up the entire office.
I left the IRC in June, but I still thik they do great work and I'm still grateful people were wanting to help.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:58 AM on December 18, 2017 [5 favorites]
There were probably more than a few times a MeFite has helped me out, but the biggest one that comes to mind is when I contacted jessamyn about turtlegirl and I visiting in 2005 when we were considering a move to Vermont. Sure she opened her doors to us as (mostly) strangers -- she does that for most people -- but she also helped us find an apartment in Montpelier and so much more. 12+ years later and we love our life here in Vermont, and are grateful to jessamyn for her role in our getting here, but also for the friendship she has shown us since then as well.
posted by terrapin at 1:23 PM on December 18, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by terrapin at 1:23 PM on December 18, 2017 [6 favorites]
honey-barbara gave me amazing information about endometriosis that I otherwise wouldn't have known. I was able to get on the right track to get resection surgery which is the only type that is actually effective. I found a great surgeon and 6 months after the toughest surgery of my life, my overall health is so much better. They changed my life. I have stage 2 endometriosis but there's only a 15% or so chance that I will need further surgery.
posted by Crystalinne at 2:37 PM on December 18, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by Crystalinne at 2:37 PM on December 18, 2017 [8 favorites]
en my little cat died unexpectedly and very young, I put a note on my profile page about it because I wanted to... I don't know, just make a note. And a bunch of MeFites sent me very ice memails about it, which was pretty much the best thing outside of long chats with a friend of mine who is pretty much a professional cat-mourner. So that was good.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:40 PM on December 18, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:40 PM on December 18, 2017 [7 favorites]
^ ^ it’s my birthday today, and this comment, and the outcome described, is the best gift I could receive.
(I want everyone who endures this terrible disease to know about the evidence for excision surgery. I want all who suffer with endo to feel there’s endo-sisters who have your back.)
posted by honey-barbara at 3:43 PM on December 18, 2017 [4 favorites]
(I want everyone who endures this terrible disease to know about the evidence for excision surgery. I want all who suffer with endo to feel there’s endo-sisters who have your back.)
posted by honey-barbara at 3:43 PM on December 18, 2017 [4 favorites]
mrbill: "After my wife passed away, when Matt paid my late wife's ER and Ambulance bills."
Was coming to post this. Best WTFM ever.
posted by Mitheral at 6:17 PM on December 18, 2017 [1 favorite]
Was coming to post this. Best WTFM ever.
posted by Mitheral at 6:17 PM on December 18, 2017 [1 favorite]
I can't count the number of times I've had a question that required specialized knowledge, MeMailed someone on the site with the question, and got an amazingly helpful answer. Thanks to everyone who's ever fielded one of those from me. I'm also really grateful for the folks I've met in different cities who are such a joy to hang out with, and the friends I've made by MeMail as well. (Not naming names, but hopefully you know who you are!)
The ultimate, though, is that I also met my closest friend through the site. She's the best-at-being-a-friend friend I've ever had, and also one of the best people I've ever known, and I can't imagine that our paths would have crossed if Metafilter didn't exist and we both hadn't somehow found it. There really isn't anything luckier than that.
posted by mudpuppie at 6:46 PM on December 18, 2017 [5 favorites]
The ultimate, though, is that I also met my closest friend through the site. She's the best-at-being-a-friend friend I've ever had, and also one of the best people I've ever known, and I can't imagine that our paths would have crossed if Metafilter didn't exist and we both hadn't somehow found it. There really isn't anything luckier than that.
posted by mudpuppie at 6:46 PM on December 18, 2017 [5 favorites]
Greg_Ace took me in last Thanksgiving when I had no one to dine with. When I had to run away because I got too impaired he brought my apple pie over to my house the next day and we had a lovely dessert day.
ColdChef gave me a lovely compliment - and some Mardi Gras beads - in exchange for a photo I sent him. He also answers any weird questions I ask him about taking a hearse over a sweet jump and whether or not they have air conditioning in the back. He also confirmed that a photo a distant relative posted on Facebook was in fact a photo of a dead person.
I met several MeFites at the Mefi 10th anniversary where I was lucky enough to be in Melbourne, Aus. I'm still Facebook friends with at least one and we comment on each other's posts all the time.
Melisamata sent me a yard+ of some buffalo plaid wool that I've added to my stash and am totally planning to do something with someday.
Hundreds of people have given me helpful answers to my AskMe questions and offered to do things like loan me a battery charger, loan me a dog, put me in touch with people.
Just in the past year or so I've begun MeMailing people and they've been MeMailing me. Also connecting on Twitter and FB with other MeFites.
I've been lucky enough several times to contribute funds to Mefites in need, something that I love doing.
I'm sure there are many more that I'm not thinking of right now...
posted by bendy at 9:03 PM on December 18, 2017 [8 favorites]
ColdChef gave me a lovely compliment - and some Mardi Gras beads - in exchange for a photo I sent him. He also answers any weird questions I ask him about taking a hearse over a sweet jump and whether or not they have air conditioning in the back. He also confirmed that a photo a distant relative posted on Facebook was in fact a photo of a dead person.
I met several MeFites at the Mefi 10th anniversary where I was lucky enough to be in Melbourne, Aus. I'm still Facebook friends with at least one and we comment on each other's posts all the time.
Melisamata sent me a yard+ of some buffalo plaid wool that I've added to my stash and am totally planning to do something with someday.
Hundreds of people have given me helpful answers to my AskMe questions and offered to do things like loan me a battery charger, loan me a dog, put me in touch with people.
Just in the past year or so I've begun MeMailing people and they've been MeMailing me. Also connecting on Twitter and FB with other MeFites.
I've been lucky enough several times to contribute funds to Mefites in need, something that I love doing.
I'm sure there are many more that I'm not thinking of right now...
posted by bendy at 9:03 PM on December 18, 2017 [8 favorites]
This is a really nice thread.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 9:14 PM on December 18, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 9:14 PM on December 18, 2017 [10 favorites]
mudpuppie donated her campsite reservation to me when she couldn't make it to the PNW campout in September. I had offered her half the price because of financial difficulties and she gladly gave it to me for free.
Sadly I didn't make it to the campout but I'm definitely paying for her campsite next year.
posted by bendy at 10:56 PM on December 18, 2017
Sadly I didn't make it to the campout but I'm definitely paying for her campsite next year.
posted by bendy at 10:56 PM on December 18, 2017
This thread, omg...there's something in my eye...
None of these are mine, but when I think about what an awesome community Metafilter is, I think about the efforts that went into warning two young women to avoid a potential human trafficking situation, tracking down a person with a head injury at Occupy Portland, and finding a cat called Tina at Devil's Tower (though I realised on re-read that the major heroes of that story were a non-MeFi hiker called Jill and the poster's husband).
Don't stop being awesome, MeFi!
posted by Cheese Monster at 2:38 AM on December 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
None of these are mine, but when I think about what an awesome community Metafilter is, I think about the efforts that went into warning two young women to avoid a potential human trafficking situation, tracking down a person with a head injury at Occupy Portland, and finding a cat called Tina at Devil's Tower (though I realised on re-read that the major heroes of that story were a non-MeFi hiker called Jill and the poster's husband).
Don't stop being awesome, MeFi!
posted by Cheese Monster at 2:38 AM on December 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
Everyone has always been really nice here to me when stuff happened that I happened to mention in some way. Thanks!
posted by Namlit at 4:34 AM on December 19, 2017
posted by Namlit at 4:34 AM on December 19, 2017
I also am very fond of the time a guy with whom I agreed to go on a date and then had to cancel started sending me abusive texts on a Saturday night and the MetaTalktail thread participants (especially Stewriffic!) posted cat pics to help me get my PTSD-stuff back under control. I was feeling kind of scared and hypervigilant and mildly dissociative that evening and the thread really kept me grounded. (I think that was the first MetaTalktails thread!)
posted by lazuli at 6:56 AM on December 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by lazuli at 6:56 AM on December 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
Nothing really specific, but more an in general warm fuzzies award to PhoBWanKenobi who has a child around the same age as mine and has been really supportive the last couple of years in breastfeeding and kid rearing stuffs and emotional stuffs too. It has been so great getting to know her over the last couple of years and she really inspires me almost every day.
Similarly, sestaaak has made such a fantastic Facebook community for MeFite parents. She really exemplifies how to be empathetic and responsive and silly and caring and appropriately not-caring in the way she moderates and participates, and I feel like I am a better parent, commenter, friend and person just by our digital proximity.
posted by jillithd at 7:37 AM on December 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Similarly, sestaaak has made such a fantastic Facebook community for MeFite parents. She really exemplifies how to be empathetic and responsive and silly and caring and appropriately not-caring in the way she moderates and participates, and I feel like I am a better parent, commenter, friend and person just by our digital proximity.
posted by jillithd at 7:37 AM on December 19, 2017 [2 favorites]
Not a MeFite Came Through For Me story, but a hilarious development on MeFi.
Okay, so you all remember we had a good laugh when I said this:
I wrote myself in on all of the unopposed races, so I may have five jobs tomorrow.
And then I actually got elected as Tax Collector with two votes?
Yeah, so I'm also now the newly elected Judge of Elections. With two votes. posted by Chrysostom at 4:05 PM on December 9
- - - - - -
This whole thing is getting out of hand - I've also been elected (with two votes, of course) as Inspector of Elections. posted by Chrysostom at 4:36 PM on December 14
posted by theora55 at 7:45 AM on December 19, 2017 [20 favorites]
Okay, so you all remember we had a good laugh when I said this:
I wrote myself in on all of the unopposed races, so I may have five jobs tomorrow.
And then I actually got elected as Tax Collector with two votes?
Yeah, so I'm also now the newly elected Judge of Elections. With two votes. posted by Chrysostom at 4:05 PM on December 9
- - - - - -
This whole thing is getting out of hand - I've also been elected (with two votes, of course) as Inspector of Elections. posted by Chrysostom at 4:36 PM on December 14
posted by theora55 at 7:45 AM on December 19, 2017 [20 favorites]
All things considered, the last 18 months have been some of the most difficult of my life.
I wrote late last year in a MeTa thread about the ongoing family tragedy I was living within -- one of my step-sisters became suddenly ill, lingered in ICU for ten weeks, then died. I've been living with my mother and her husband and during this period and for a few months after we also took in my late step-sister's two young adult children -- one a young single mom and her toddler, the other a homeless addict who dropped out of a treatment program when his mother became ill. With the latter, the stay ended badly, and with the former, well, she eventually returned to her abusive husband. I care about all these people, but especially my elderly mother, and this was a heartbreaking pressure-cooker of a home last year.
After I posted that comment, I received several kind, caring, and supportive memails.
But the difficult times didn't end with the new year, like we expected -- early in the spring my mother's husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It's very strange when my mother asks me a computer question about scanned photos in relation to likely funeral plans. Partly this is how she copes -- planning, list-making. I told my sister over Thanksgiving that I felt inadequate to provide all the practical and emotional support my mother and her husband need, but she assured me that my just being here is a comfort to our mother. I hope so.
Finally, last September I had an entirely baffling and unexpected falling-out with my closest friend. We'd been close friends for over twenty years. I still don't understand what happened and I find myself brooding over it at least once a week, leaving me feeling adrift.
Among those supportive memails last year was one by Johnny Wallflower, who asked if he could send me postcards from time to time. And he subsequently has -- each with a short, friendly note. I think I treasure these more than anyone might expect, and it's because while the gentle kindness and friendship is a comfort in itself, it's also a sort of proof of existence. There are good people who simply do good things, just because they can. Johnny Wallflower's cards are to my life what his posts are to the site -- modest offerings of benevolence that mean a great deal just for being.
And then there is the ongoing friendship with billiebee that I've been blessed with. Has it been four years we've corresponded? Something like that. I wouldn't have expected that I could experience what I consider a true, vital, active friendship only through correspondence, but here one is. And over this last 18 months, her friendship has helped me keep my head above water. She's tolerated my lengthy, digressive anecdotes: she's been encouraging just when I've needed the boost; she's done me the honor of allowing me to do the same for her as best I can; and I keep sort of being surprised that she's still my friend after all this neverending gloom I've shared with her.
Many of us talk about the ways in which this community as a whole has bettered our lives -- it's hard for me to overstate how much I've learned that I wouldn't have otherwise. But the ways in which the community itself is a gift is the direct result of and dependant upon the simple goodness of so many individual mefites. It's the generosity of spirit, the openness, and the thoughtfulness of actual people living their actual lives that stands out as exceptional to me. I value this tremendously and I feel very fortunate to be a part of this community.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:46 AM on December 19, 2017 [24 favorites]
I wrote late last year in a MeTa thread about the ongoing family tragedy I was living within -- one of my step-sisters became suddenly ill, lingered in ICU for ten weeks, then died. I've been living with my mother and her husband and during this period and for a few months after we also took in my late step-sister's two young adult children -- one a young single mom and her toddler, the other a homeless addict who dropped out of a treatment program when his mother became ill. With the latter, the stay ended badly, and with the former, well, she eventually returned to her abusive husband. I care about all these people, but especially my elderly mother, and this was a heartbreaking pressure-cooker of a home last year.
After I posted that comment, I received several kind, caring, and supportive memails.
But the difficult times didn't end with the new year, like we expected -- early in the spring my mother's husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It's very strange when my mother asks me a computer question about scanned photos in relation to likely funeral plans. Partly this is how she copes -- planning, list-making. I told my sister over Thanksgiving that I felt inadequate to provide all the practical and emotional support my mother and her husband need, but she assured me that my just being here is a comfort to our mother. I hope so.
Finally, last September I had an entirely baffling and unexpected falling-out with my closest friend. We'd been close friends for over twenty years. I still don't understand what happened and I find myself brooding over it at least once a week, leaving me feeling adrift.
Among those supportive memails last year was one by Johnny Wallflower, who asked if he could send me postcards from time to time. And he subsequently has -- each with a short, friendly note. I think I treasure these more than anyone might expect, and it's because while the gentle kindness and friendship is a comfort in itself, it's also a sort of proof of existence. There are good people who simply do good things, just because they can. Johnny Wallflower's cards are to my life what his posts are to the site -- modest offerings of benevolence that mean a great deal just for being.
And then there is the ongoing friendship with billiebee that I've been blessed with. Has it been four years we've corresponded? Something like that. I wouldn't have expected that I could experience what I consider a true, vital, active friendship only through correspondence, but here one is. And over this last 18 months, her friendship has helped me keep my head above water. She's tolerated my lengthy, digressive anecdotes: she's been encouraging just when I've needed the boost; she's done me the honor of allowing me to do the same for her as best I can; and I keep sort of being surprised that she's still my friend after all this neverending gloom I've shared with her.
Many of us talk about the ways in which this community as a whole has bettered our lives -- it's hard for me to overstate how much I've learned that I wouldn't have otherwise. But the ways in which the community itself is a gift is the direct result of and dependant upon the simple goodness of so many individual mefites. It's the generosity of spirit, the openness, and the thoughtfulness of actual people living their actual lives that stands out as exceptional to me. I value this tremendously and I feel very fortunate to be a part of this community.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:46 AM on December 19, 2017 [24 favorites]
No specific thing to mention, but my account has been around since 2005 - i and still consider myself a youngin' around these parts compared to some of you! Which means for about 13 years I've been here every single day. If my day had access to internet, I've been here. Outside of my immediate family growing up, I've never had a relationship with any(body/thing) with that sort of length, consistency and predicability.
Ive seen so, so, so many instances of the mefi community doing such amazing things for each other it boggles my mind. It amazes me how this place even exists and has stood the test of time. Heaven forbid anything happen to this site but if it does I know I'll be in mourning similar to if i'd lost a loved one. So keep on keepin' on, mefies! <3 you all!
posted by cgg at 10:11 AM on December 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
Ive seen so, so, so many instances of the mefi community doing such amazing things for each other it boggles my mind. It amazes me how this place even exists and has stood the test of time. Heaven forbid anything happen to this site but if it does I know I'll be in mourning similar to if i'd lost a loved one. So keep on keepin' on, mefies! <3 you all!
posted by cgg at 10:11 AM on December 19, 2017 [4 favorites]
So I consider myself kind of a curmudgeon. Like my dad taught me to be suspicious if people are just nice for no reason. Which has made me feel alone a lot of the time. But you all make me feel like I’m not alone. So thanks.
posted by kat518 at 2:47 PM on December 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by kat518 at 2:47 PM on December 19, 2017 [8 favorites]
I was getting married and had questions about how to play music at the reception on a shoestring budget. wzcx very very kindly lent us audio equipment. Thanks dude, the setup worked great, nonstop dancing had by all!
posted by Wavelet at 3:15 PM on December 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Wavelet at 3:15 PM on December 19, 2017 [5 favorites]
I've mentioned my wife's cancer (currently in remission!) in threads a couple of times, and every time I got several MeMails asking how she was doing, if they could help, etc. Given that some people allegedly very close to us in real life never made even that effort, it was very touching and welcomed that virtual strangers cared enough to check in.
Also, when we went to Puerto Rico exactly two years ago I had one of the great meals of my life because @zyxwut offered to meet us for dinner at his favorite hole in the wall place no tourist would ever find on their own. The Facebook "On This Date" feature has been serving up photos from Puerto Rico all week, so that trip and that meal has been on my mind.
posted by COD at 9:51 AM on December 20, 2017 [4 favorites]
Also, when we went to Puerto Rico exactly two years ago I had one of the great meals of my life because @zyxwut offered to meet us for dinner at his favorite hole in the wall place no tourist would ever find on their own. The Facebook "On This Date" feature has been serving up photos from Puerto Rico all week, so that trip and that meal has been on my mind.
posted by COD at 9:51 AM on December 20, 2017 [4 favorites]
I'm, um, I'm really choked up thinking about all the things MeFi has done for me over the years. And it's been a hell of a few years for me, and you guys are the bedrock of support I have relied on more often than not. I am often guilty about the level of support I have received, because I don't think I can possibly have paid it back. It humbles me frequently.
I can't count the number of times I've mentioned a question or an issue and had a specialist contact me, or someone memail me to say something nice and supportive. So let me talk about the big stuff.
When I asked whether it was okay to keep the $10,000 an insurance company offered me in exchange for promising not to sue them for future injuries as a result of a car accident in which I was uninjured, nightrecordings contacted me and gave me really, really good and professional insurance advice. That money, as I recall it, helped me replace my things and help my partner move to the US with me; it was invaluable to letting my family be together. The advice I got was crucial: I didn't have anyone else I could ask.
About this time last year, the Women's March was organizing, and I felt strongly that I had to go. I couldn't afford it, though; our finances were (and are) pretty sharply constrained, and I thought I had lodging but couldn't get transportation. I set a hat out here, and Metafilter got me to DC. I appreciate that. It was probably one of the most formative weeks of my life.
When my grandparents abandoned me on the side of the road unexpectedly and I had to put out a call for help the night before the inauguration, Metafilter sent me a dozen people with rooms and places to stay offering to put us up for the night. I wound up being able to find a place with friends and family of friends, but I don't think I would have been doing anything different if I had taken a MeFite up on their offer.
When I walked away from my family and asked Metafilter whether or not I was doing the right thing, I got pages of compassionate and kind advice that I still carry with me and read sometimes. I appreciate it.
When I was depressed and losing faith in my own abilities as a biologist last summer and casually mentioned that I could produce a piece of scientific writing, Metafilter encouraged me and eventually crowdsourced funding for the completed project. In general, Metafilter has been a hell of a cheering section through my PhD, and fuck knows I need one.
Thank you, guys. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being who you all, collectively, are.
posted by sciatrix at 10:22 PM on December 20, 2017 [19 favorites]
I can't count the number of times I've mentioned a question or an issue and had a specialist contact me, or someone memail me to say something nice and supportive. So let me talk about the big stuff.
When I asked whether it was okay to keep the $10,000 an insurance company offered me in exchange for promising not to sue them for future injuries as a result of a car accident in which I was uninjured, nightrecordings contacted me and gave me really, really good and professional insurance advice. That money, as I recall it, helped me replace my things and help my partner move to the US with me; it was invaluable to letting my family be together. The advice I got was crucial: I didn't have anyone else I could ask.
About this time last year, the Women's March was organizing, and I felt strongly that I had to go. I couldn't afford it, though; our finances were (and are) pretty sharply constrained, and I thought I had lodging but couldn't get transportation. I set a hat out here, and Metafilter got me to DC. I appreciate that. It was probably one of the most formative weeks of my life.
When my grandparents abandoned me on the side of the road unexpectedly and I had to put out a call for help the night before the inauguration, Metafilter sent me a dozen people with rooms and places to stay offering to put us up for the night. I wound up being able to find a place with friends and family of friends, but I don't think I would have been doing anything different if I had taken a MeFite up on their offer.
When I walked away from my family and asked Metafilter whether or not I was doing the right thing, I got pages of compassionate and kind advice that I still carry with me and read sometimes. I appreciate it.
When I was depressed and losing faith in my own abilities as a biologist last summer and casually mentioned that I could produce a piece of scientific writing, Metafilter encouraged me and eventually crowdsourced funding for the completed project. In general, Metafilter has been a hell of a cheering section through my PhD, and fuck knows I need one.
Thank you, guys. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being who you all, collectively, are.
posted by sciatrix at 10:22 PM on December 20, 2017 [19 favorites]
When my boyfriend died, 12 years ago, I asked for help on AskMe and was overwhelmed with love and support.
And in 2010, when my travel plans were disrupted by a blizzard that hit the Eastern Seaboard and stopped me from getting from Ohio to New York, I was looked after by MeFite Youngergirl44, who took me out for pizza as I made my way back to the UK via Chicago.
Friendships made through Metafilter have lasted to this day - people I never would have met other than through this wonderful, weird group of individuals. They've opened their homes and their hearts to me, and enriched my life in ways that are far too numerous to list here.
posted by essexjan at 3:31 AM on December 21, 2017 [10 favorites]
And in 2010, when my travel plans were disrupted by a blizzard that hit the Eastern Seaboard and stopped me from getting from Ohio to New York, I was looked after by MeFite Youngergirl44, who took me out for pizza as I made my way back to the UK via Chicago.
Friendships made through Metafilter have lasted to this day - people I never would have met other than through this wonderful, weird group of individuals. They've opened their homes and their hearts to me, and enriched my life in ways that are far too numerous to list here.
posted by essexjan at 3:31 AM on December 21, 2017 [10 favorites]
I last kissed my mother 633 days ago, and I’m having a really really hard time with the holidays (my mother loved Christmas’s like y’all would not believe), but reading about good things is helping tonight. <3 you all.
posted by joycehealy at 5:18 PM on December 21, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by joycehealy at 5:18 PM on December 21, 2017 [10 favorites]
I'm late to the thread - it's been a busy month - but I just want to say thank you to everyone for sharing these posts. I was reading them last night after having stayed up too late assembling Ikea Christmas presents for the kids, and let me tell you, it got dusty. MeFi is my constant reminder that there are still a few corners of the Internet that aren't filled with shit, and it makes me happy to be a part of it, even a small one. Thanks for that, everyone.
posted by jferg at 6:43 AM on December 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jferg at 6:43 AM on December 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
hippybear, you have no idea how tempted I am to show up but alas, I already have plans. Happy Monday, all!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:19 PM on December 25, 2017
posted by Bella Donna at 1:19 PM on December 25, 2017
Visiting grandbaby, hippybear, will take a rain check.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:36 PM on December 25, 2017
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:36 PM on December 25, 2017
In late 2010, melissa may kindly offered me some paid freelance writing work. It was the first time I'd ever been offered a paid writing gig - and I got it without even having to apply! Her vote of confidence in my skills meant the world to me. It had been a demoralizing year. I had been broke for a long time and was still grieving a devastating divorce, and her offer rekindled hope in me at a time when I desperately needed it.
I'm not sure she ever knew how desperate I was for cash at the time. I speculated that she might have seen a post I made about the fact that my ex left me for someone else and absconded with my share of the money from the sale of our house (over $50K). In any case, the payment came just in the nick of time. Immediately after I finished the work, it turned out I needed to get a tooth extracted, and I had to pay the full cost out of pocket. The writing gig earned me just enough to pay for it in full and get the painkillers I needed afterward. If it weren't for her, I'm not sure what I would have done.
She was awesome to work with, too, and she left a glowing review of my performance on my LinkedIn profile.
I now work full time as a professional freelance writer.
posted by velvet winter at 12:54 AM on December 26, 2017 [6 favorites]
I'm not sure she ever knew how desperate I was for cash at the time. I speculated that she might have seen a post I made about the fact that my ex left me for someone else and absconded with my share of the money from the sale of our house (over $50K). In any case, the payment came just in the nick of time. Immediately after I finished the work, it turned out I needed to get a tooth extracted, and I had to pay the full cost out of pocket. The writing gig earned me just enough to pay for it in full and get the painkillers I needed afterward. If it weren't for her, I'm not sure what I would have done.
She was awesome to work with, too, and she left a glowing review of my performance on my LinkedIn profile.
I now work full time as a professional freelance writer.
posted by velvet winter at 12:54 AM on December 26, 2017 [6 favorites]
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Fizz at 5:32 PM on December 16, 2017 [15 favorites]