MeFi GoT Deadpool April 30, 2019 12:40 PM   Subscribe

How about a MetaFilter Game of Thrones Deadpool? Name ten characters in the order you feel most confident of their death. So, if you put Character A as #1 and he dies, you get 10 points. If you put Character B as #10 and she dies, you get one point.
posted by DirtyOldTown to MetaFilter-Related at 12:40 PM (38 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

...and if you out someone as #2 and they die, you get 9 points. #3, 8 points, etc. Just reverse the 1-10 for points.

Also, I would hope it goes without saying that in a post dedicated to scoring character death predictions, all spoiler rules are out the window.

Enter any time you like, but you only get credit for predictions made before airtime.

(Shout-out to LM for suggesting we make the examples above the fold generic rather than actual character names so that we don't give anyone unnecessary spoiler stress.)
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:43 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]

burn them all
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:53 PM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]

I'll play.

1. Gendry
2. Varys
3. Bronn
4. The Mountain
5. Tormund
6. Sam Tarly
7. Brienne
8. Jaimie
9. Jon
10. Cersei
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:55 PM on April 30, 2019

1. Jon
2. Dany
3. Bran
4. Rhaegal
5. Drogon
6. The Mountain
7. The Hound
8. Cersei
9. Jaime
10. Euron
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:00 PM on April 30, 2019

Here's my list:

1. The Mountain
2. Cersei Lannister
3. Jamie Lannister
4. Euron Greyjoy
5. Qyburn
6. Lord Varys
7. The Hound
8. Tormund
9. Bronn
10. Davos Seaworth
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:02 PM on April 30, 2019

1. The guy in the armor
2. The guy who looks like that other guy and I always get them confused
3. That really awesome, badass woman
4. The dude who was with that naked woman that time
5. The young guy who showed up late last season as a major character for some reason
6. Whats-his-name? Lord something of somewhere.
7. That really tough dude who hasn't died yet.
8. The dude who is, like, magic. But not, like, real magic? I dunno, he's got something weird going on.
9. That kid.
10. Jon Snow. Fuck that guy. Useless-ass diaper baby.
posted by bondcliff at 1:05 PM on April 30, 2019 [23 favorites]

1. Jamie
2. Cersei
3. Brienne
4. Gray Worm
5. Bran
6. Bronn
7. Tyrion
8. Arya
9. Dany
10. Jon
posted by Fizz at 1:27 PM on April 30, 2019

Jon or Dany? Jon or Dany? Which one of my imaginary friends won't make it to the next series.

1. Jon
2. Jaime
3. Euron
4. The Mountain
5. The Hound
6. Cersei
7. Bronn
8. Davos
9. Which dragon was Jon riding? That one.
10. Yara

I'm going to indulge in some The Secret-style magical thinking and refuse to put Brienne on this list. I'm a book reader who is doing some last minute GoT catch up, so I just saw the scene where Brienne swears to protect Sansa and now I think they both should live forever.
posted by betweenthebars at 2:19 PM on April 30, 2019 [2 favorites]

1. Dany
2. Jaime
3. Bronn
4. The Mountain
5. Ilyn Payne
6. The Hound
7. Grey Worm
8. Cersei
9. Tyrion
10. Jon

I utterly refuse to accept that Arya or Ser Brienne of Tarth will die and I will not carelessly gamble here with their respective fates.
posted by nightrecordings at 3:55 PM on April 30, 2019 [4 favorites]

I just started the first season but I'll give it a go:
1. Boromir. It's nice seeing Sean Bean in a leading role, really enjoying him as the protagonist.
2. The guy from The Full Monty. He likes his drink a bit, but seems like a fun sidekick type.
3. The Draco Malfoy kid. He's a bit rough around the edges, but I'm sure he'll mature into his role.
4. Aquaman/Conan. Who's going to mess with prime man meat like him?
5. Actually, put all the Dothraki on that list. Those guys are unstoppable.
5. Tommy Carcetti/Littlefinger, he seems helpful.
6. Hodor!
7. Rodrik Cassel, he's the weapons master so he'll probably be a real badass.
8. The Greek Man with the wooden sword.
9. All the Maesters. (Luwin, Pycelle and Aemon)
10. Robbb Stark, I have a good feeling about him.

People who definitely aren't going to make it:
Sam Tarly, obvious red shirt cannon fodder.
posted by Telf at 4:14 PM on April 30, 2019 [11 favorites]

Everybody except Cersei, Queen of the Ashes and the Last Men.
posted by biffa at 4:29 PM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]

I only have one guess, and it's that Jon will fulfill whatever destiny he was resurrected for and then die.
posted by tobascodagama at 5:32 PM on April 30, 2019 [1 favorite]

Sorry, but nobody should get points for listing Jon or The Mountain. This is Game of Thrones. What is dead may never die.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:35 PM on April 30, 2019 [4 favorites]

1. Cersei
2. Jon
3. Qyburn
4. Euron
5. The Mountain
6. Jaime
7. The Hound
8. Tyrion
9. Arya
10. Dany

Queen Sansa.

“When you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die [except Brienne].”
posted by sallybrown at 9:01 PM on April 30, 2019

This is Game of Thrones. What is dead may never die.

I'm willing to test that theory after last Sunday's episode.
posted by nightrecordings at 4:56 AM on May 1, 2019 [2 favorites]

Woah there. We’re talking Game of Thrones, you play to win, so listing anything less than absolute cannon fodder as your #1 is a terrible mistake.

1. Qyburn. He’s all evil henchman n shit. He’s toast. Easy ten points.

2. Cersei, seriously, she’s going to die. Unless they’re going full GRRM and intentionally kissing off every fan that managed to stay a fan along the way, they’ve gotta have the payoff.

3. Euron. See Cersei. Too evil not to get comeuppance. If it was GRRM still writing it, yeah, he’d probably end up on the iron throne himself, but it’s tv, and they want people to watch the spin offs. You don’t get to be that gleefully evil without dying in an ironically horrible way. (See Bolton, Ramsey, and dogs)

4. The Hound. He had his reprieve, and came back. He’s not John Wick, he’s a dead dog walking.

5. The Mountain, dead again at the hands of the Hound, or Arya being all vengey. .

6. Jaime, because he’s not going to survive killing his sister.

7. Varys He’s literally prophesied a death. He’s toast

8. Bronn. He’s a survivor and all, but he’s been sent to kill people with stronger plot armor. Today.

9. Dany. Either her or Jon, not sure which.

10. Jon, so I’m putting them lower on the list to ensure at least a couple tie breaking points from when everyone forgets how easy they get points from dead Qyburn.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:02 AM on May 1, 2019

Seriously, though, there should be a bonus point system for correctly guessing who kills who. Like, Tyrion kills Qyburn. Jaime kills Cersei. Asha kills Euron, Hound kills Mountain, but is mortally wounded, so Mountain kills Hound. Jaime is killed by, uh, Bronn? Payne?

And so on.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:06 AM on May 1, 2019 [3 favorites]

1. Ser Pounce
2. Nothing else matters - *sniff*
posted by lalochezia at 6:45 AM on May 1, 2019

1. Euron
2. Qyburn
3. Cersei
4. The Mountain
5. Davos
6. The Hound
7. Bronn
8. Jon
9. Jaime
10. Daenerys
posted by tangosnail at 10:48 AM on May 1, 2019

This is so hard to do because it's become so obvious to me the show has different priorities than the books. But speaking show-only:

1. Cersei -- so, so dead. Dead woman walking. Gonna cost us somehow though.
2. The Mountain -- ditto.
3. Qyburn -- the only reason he's ranked lower than the top 2 is because I don't think the show would get a big wallop out of his death, most people don't even know his name.
4. Jaime -- tfw your arc is over and you still gotta take out your sister/lover
5. The Hound -- winning Cleganebowl but at the cost of his life
6. Euron -- going down with Cersei.
7. Dany -- I fear she's going to get shafted in favor of Jon Snow. They've been setting this up for ages.
8. Tyrion -- if the show is in search of One Last Big Moment before it signs off.... this would be it. I would cry. I would also respect the hell out of the show for doing it.
9. Varys -- he seems marked for death but if they haven't done it yet I'm not sure why they'd do it now?
10. Bran -- where does he even go from here? I can't think of a reason for him to survive. Unless he's going to help Samwell with a few things.
posted by coffeeand at 11:11 AM on May 1, 2019

Woah there. We’re talking Game of Thrones, you play to win, so listing anything less than absolute cannon fodder as your #1 is a terrible mistake.

Look, if all I am gambling for is non-transferable numeric points and some teeny tiny bragging rights, I am going to have fun with it.
posted by nightrecordings at 11:49 AM on May 1, 2019 [1 favorite]

Woah there. We’re talking Game of Thrones, you play to win, so listing anything less than absolute cannon fodder as your #1 is a terrible mistake.

Look, if all I am gambling for is non-transferable numeric points and some teeny tiny bragging rights, I am going to have fun with it.

We all play the game differently, some of us win and some of us lose.
posted by Fizz at 11:54 AM on May 1, 2019 [1 favorite]

Ok, I have a second prediction after all, which is that Arya kills the Mountain before Cleganebowl can happen.
posted by tobascodagama at 12:08 PM on May 1, 2019

Ok, a dead man can't be king and someone with dragons would melt the throne.
The hound shall live and Cersei goes last. But a one handed king slayer dies first.
Tyrion the first shall reign last.
posted by clavdivs at 6:32 PM on May 1, 2019 [1 favorite]

  1. Cersei
  2. Euron
  3. Qyburn
  4. The Mountain
  5. The Hound
  6. Varys
  7. Missandei
  8. Robin Arryn
  9. Ticho Nestoris
  10. Bronn
Some reasonable, some wishing, some just thinking about loose threads that could use one more twist.
posted by traveler_ at 10:49 PM on May 1, 2019

I'm with Ghidorah, "listing anything less than absolute cannon fodder as your #1 is a terrible mistake."

1-10: unnamed foot soldier (Northern army? Cersei's army? Does it matter?)

Not intended sarcastically. My guess is inspired by my favorite scene from Game of Thrones.

Septon Meribald: Almost all are common-born, simple folk who had never been more than a mile from the house where they were born until the day some lord came round to take them off to war. Poorly shod and poorly clad, they march away beneath his banners, ofttimes with no better arms than a sickle or a sharpened hoe, or a maul they made themselves by lashing a stone to a stick with strips of hide. Brothers march with brothers, sons with fathers, friends with friends. They've heard the songs and stories, so they go off with eager hearts, dreaming of the wonders they will see, of the wealth and glory they will win. War seems a fine adventure, the greatest most of them will ever know.

Then they get a taste of battle.

For some, that one taste is enough to break them. Others go on for years, until they lose count of all the battles they have fought in, but even a man who has survived a hundred fights can break in his hundred-and-first. Brothers watch their brothers die, fathers lose their sons, friends see their friends trying to hold their entrails in after they've been gutted by an axe.

They see the lord who led them there cut down, and some other lord shouts that they are his now. They take a wound, and when that's still half-healed they take another. There is never enough to eat, their shoes fall to pieces from the marching, their clothes are torn and rotting, and half of them are shitting in their breeches from drinking bad water.

If they want new boots or a warmer cloak or maybe a rusted iron halfhelm, they need to take them from a corpse, and before long they are stealing from the living too, from the smallfolk whose lands they're fighting in, men very like the men they used to be. They slaughter their sheep and steal their chickens, and from there it's just a short step to carrying off their daughters too. And one day they look around and realize all their friends and kin are gone, that they are fighting beside strangers beneath a banner that they hardly recognize. They don't know where they are or how to get back home and the lord they're fighting for does not know their names, yet here he comes, shouting for them to form up, to make a line with their spears and scythes and sharpened hoes, to stand their ground. And the knights come down on them, faceless men clad all in steel, and the iron thunder of their charge seems to fill the world . . .

And the man breaks.

He turns and runs, or crawls off afterward over the corpses of the slain, or steals away in the black of night, and he finds someplace to hide. All thought of home is gone by then, and kings and lords and gods mean less to him than a haunch of spoiled meat that will let him live another day, or a skin of bad wine that might drown his fear for a few hours. The broken man lives from day to day, from meal to meal, more beast than man. Lady Brienne is not wrong. In times like these, the traveler must beware of broken men, and fear them . . . but he should pity them as well.

The people who most deserve our sympathy are quite certain to die in large numbers.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:07 AM on May 3, 2019 [3 favorites]

That's four points for traveler_ (Missandei) and seven points for prize bull octorok (Rhaegal).

Did I miss any?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:48 PM on May 5, 2019 [2 favorites]

Ok, let me fix up my two previous posts:

1. Cersei -- dies in childbirth
2. Everybody else anyone cares about -- killed by Euron under circumstances that make no fucking sense
3. Jon kills Euron when his "I dunno, attack it I guess" strategy finally works for once
4. Jon immediately dies afterward
5. They're all dead, Dave. Everybody's dead.
posted by tobascodagama at 7:21 AM on May 6, 2019

Well, I just clocked 49 points in one episode.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:52 PM on May 12, 2019 [2 favorites]

If my math is right, Ghidorah, traveler_, and I are all tied at 49 out of 55 possible points.

I'm thinking that including Tormund may have sunk me though, as he seems off the show and headed back to the lands above the wall.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:39 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]

Well, there's a whole 90 minutes where the show could randomly cut to Tormund having a heart attack while in the middle of petting Ghost and then Ghost just sits next to Tormund's rapidly-freezing corpse with a sad look on his face.
posted by tobascodagama at 7:27 AM on May 13, 2019 [1 favorite]

My bonus point system would have been a lot more effective if I’d just put “crushed by falling rocks” on everything.

But, you know, a three way tie isn’t bad. I mean, in this show, three of anything is unstoppable. It’s not like there’s a way to kill off three dragons, right?

Hey, uh, dirtyoldtown and traveler_, would you mind checking around the corner? I’m sure there aren’t any giant ballistas or anything...
posted by Ghidorah at 3:17 AM on May 14, 2019

And the winner, with 51 out of 55 possible points... Ghidorah!
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:31 AM on May 20, 2019 [2 favorites]

WOOHOO! I'm champion!!! What do I win?
posted by Ghidorah at 3:36 PM on May 20, 2019

um [looks around]

posted by prize bull octorok at 3:42 PM on May 20, 2019 [3 favorites]

What do I win?

Game of Thrones: A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of melted sword slag?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:56 PM on May 20, 2019 [1 favorite]


I’m pretty sure Bronn is on his way to kill me just for the suggestion. Geez, thanks.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:09 PM on May 20, 2019 [1 favorite]

WOOHOO! I'm champion!!! What do I win?
posted by Ghidorah

Dominion over Monster Island?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:47 AM on May 22, 2019 [1 favorite]

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