greasemonkey scripts that try to track deleted comments?

September 7, 2009 9:27 PM

The faq says there are greasemonkey scripts that try to track deleted comments. Is there anything working? I couldn't find anything following the link. The deletions here are so regular it's like using the internet from China.
posted by peter_meta_kbd to Feature Requests at 9:27 PM (391 comments total)

This is the script I use for looking at mefi deleted posts.
Deleted comments are gone for good, unless someone cached them.

It sounds like you are not fully supportive of the mefi etiquette vanguard, and a proper re-education may be in order.
posted by idiopath at 9:35 PM on September 7, 2009 [11 favorites]

Yeah because comparing the moderators on Mefi to Chinese internet censorship is really going to go over well.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:41 PM on September 7, 2009 [4 favorites]

All the GRAR about deleted comments remind me of how, in my private grade school, kids would get mad because they couldn't write an article for the school newspaper about how mean a teacher was and would be all "free speech! free speech!" They didn't understand that no matter how wrong they thought it was, that just wasn't the way the school worked, and the school had every right to operate the way it did. Metafilter has moderators: one of the things they do is moderate comments. It's perfectly within their rights to do so, and it ain't gonna change. If folks want an unmoderated website (with both the blessings and curses of completely free speech), I suggest they take their next five dollars somewhere else.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:45 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

reminds, goddammit
posted by ocherdraco at 9:45 PM on September 7, 2009

comparing the moderators on Mefi to Chinese internet censorship is really going to go over well

Interesting fact: All banhammer recipients forfeit an organ, to be removed - sans anesthetic, natch - at the Admins' discretion.

That whole 'Cortex Sees America' thing? Just a front for this year's harvest spree.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:47 PM on September 7, 2009 [8 favorites]

Comments that have been deleted aren't trackable in any reasonable way, and aren't visible at all. I talked about the post-vs-comment distinction as far as what deletion does a little while back, if you want more detail.

I'm surprised the FAQ says that; it may be the result of some editing gone awry or something, but it's never been the case that they were findable so we should definitely amend that entry to step around the confusion.

The deletions here are so regular it's like using a moderated web community. You're welcome to disagree with moderation policy, but making facile comparisons like that isn't gonna get anyone anywhere.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:48 PM on September 7, 2009 [11 favorites]

The deletions here are so regular it's like using the internet from China.

Having been to China, and used the internet? LOL
posted by graventy at 9:49 PM on September 7, 2009 [4 favorites]

ocherdraco: "GRAR "

I believe you mean GFAR.

Anyway, yeah, you can find deleted posts, but not deleted comments. The deleted comments I can recall off the top of my head tend to be of the "No, let me tell you about your mother" kinda things where it's really not serving anyone to keep them around. Racism, sexism, crazy personal vendetta kinda stuff.

I haven't seen anything approaching divine and noble truths get deleted, but maybe I'm not paying attention.
posted by boo_radley at 9:51 PM on September 7, 2009

The deletions here are so regular it's like using the internet from China.

Since midnight PST there have been 34 things deleted.

- Five MeFi posts [you can find them on the deleted thread blog]
- Twelve MeFi comments [most were, if I recall correctly, one big shitty derail]
- Seventeen AskMe comments [mostly random jokey noise]

I'm not sure what your definition of "regular" is but for a site with this many active users, another word for these deletions would be "rare"
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:51 PM on September 7, 2009 [5 favorites]

graventy: "Having been to China, and used the internet? LOL"
How do you say "LOL" in Chinese? I am curious.
posted by boo_radley at 9:53 PM on September 7, 2009

This is one of the few times I wish we could still inline images.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:53 PM on September 7, 2009 [7 favorites]

Also, I couldn't find the original maothowie image after 47 seconds of diligent searching, boo.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:55 PM on September 7, 2009

How do you say "LOL" in Chinese? I am curious.

If somebody says "ROR" I'm going to punch them.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:55 PM on September 7, 2009 [16 favorites]

In contrast, the day before saw one deleted MeTa comment, three deleted MeFi posts, six deleted MeFi comments and twelve deleted AskMe comments for a total of twenty-two deletions. Someone else can do the math to figure out what sort of percentage this is.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:55 PM on September 7, 2009

what we want to know is when you deleted obama's long form birth certificate
posted by pyramid termite at 10:07 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

stavrosthewonderchicken: "How do you say "LOL" in Chinese? I am curious.

If somebody says "ROR" I'm going to punch them."

yeah, I'm not looking for that. I figure there's gotta be an idiom that's close to LOL, though.
posted by boo_radley at 10:09 PM on September 7, 2009

I believe you mean GFAR. (boo_radley)

Nope, definitely mean GRAR.
posted by ocherdraco at 10:10 PM on September 7, 2009

Compare with the Korean gamer's "kekeke".

[NOT KEKIST]
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:12 PM on September 7, 2009

Mixing pop and politics, they ask me what the use is
I offer my embarrassment and the usual excuses
Then I cut-and-paste the links to them
And submit my post on Glenn Beck
I'm waiting for the Great Leap Forward
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:15 PM on September 7, 2009 [4 favorites]

Huh. Kekeke has been a staple of banal chatter in the WoW circuit for ages, but I never knew it was of Korean origin. I assumed it was a common type, like teh or pwn. I am assuming from your comment it's more like jajajaja=hahaha for Spanish speakers. Interesting!
posted by lazaruslong at 10:36 PM on September 7, 2009

type = typo, natch.
posted by lazaruslong at 10:37 PM on September 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Without opening up the SQL query console, consider jessamyn's numbers on total deletions per day of around 30 items (posts/comments combined) across all sites, and consider there are roughly on average about 100 posts per day when you sum everything across front pages, and comments run around 3,000 per day across all sites combined. So we're roughly cutting out the 1% of the worst stuff.

Yeah, pretty much exactly like the internet in China.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 10:41 PM on September 7, 2009 [16 favorites]

So, are you guys buying all the copper as well?
posted by pompomtom at 11:11 PM on September 7, 2009 [3 favorites]

大声笑
posted by tellurian at 11:25 PM on September 7, 2009

Wow, someone replaced stav's "brand new day" picture with something way more pro-MeFi. And within seconds of him posting it too. I say, worse than China.
posted by GeckoDundee at 11:29 PM on September 7, 2009

Here's what the original image looked like.
posted by GeckoDundee at 11:31 PM on September 7, 2009

I am curious

Yellow?
posted by Wolof at 11:35 PM on September 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

thanks for the feedback.

yes i've used the internet from china (English only though), otherwise i wouldn't make the comparison.

peace.
posted by peter_meta_kbd at 11:37 PM on September 7, 2009

commie bastards
posted by allkindsoftime at 12:13 AM on September 8, 2009

posted by GeckoDundee Wow, someone replaced stav's "brand new day" picture with something way more pro-MeFi. And within seconds of him posting it too. I say, worse than China.

Ahem.
posted by mattdidthat at 12:46 AM on September 8, 2009

Protip: Don't post shit.
posted by Pronoiac at 12:54 AM on September 8, 2009

1) Over-moderate.
2) ???
3) Profit.^*

* Profit limited to moderators of the over-moderated site.
posted by McGuillicuddy at 1:20 AM on September 8, 2009

In contrast, the day before saw one deleted MeTa comment, three deleted MeFi posts, six deleted MeFi comments and twelve deleted AskMe comments for a total of twenty-two deletions. Someone else can do the math to figure out what sort of percentage this is.

That's it? I had this image in my mind of bleary eyed mods making the Sideshow Bob Rake noise while deleting hundreds, and occasionally thousands, of jokey, off-topic and insane askme comments. But, it's just twelve to seventeen a day? Now I feel like you guys don't delete enough stuff.
posted by stavrogin at 1:21 AM on September 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

You guys should try this beer, it's amazing. LORD NELSON BREWERY it says at the top. OLD ADMIRAL. PRAISE THE LORD. AUSTRALIAN CRAFT BREWED. Also, the key thing, SIX POINT ONE PERCENT ALCOHOL BY VOLUME. I'm trying to put a home theatre together and this stuff makes it like an amazing adventure.
posted by turgid dahlia at 1:33 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

and comments run around 3,000 per day across all sites combined.

This is unacceptable!

Our Five Year Plan calls for our Glorious Mefites to produce 10,000 comments a day across all sites. It is your Duty to produce. It is your Destiny to produce.
posted by Netzapper at 2:20 AM on September 8, 2009

I had this image in my mind of bleary eyed mods making the Sideshow Bob Rake noise...

I cannot stop laughing now.
posted by Ritchie at 2:31 AM on September 8, 2009

在中国，互联网的使用你。
posted by not_on_display at 3:48 AM on September 8, 2009

Lying bourgeois moderators! One day the revolution with come and you'll have to share your hoarded favorites and the holodeck. The people will not rest until that day comes, unless there's Twilight Zone marathon on the SciFi Channel, and yes, it's SCIFI, not SyFy goddamit, that is not what our parents snarked and died for,but yeah mods, your day will come, beware! The revolution will not be double posted!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:05 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

yes i've used the internet from china (English only though), otherwise i wouldn't make the comparison.

You could also be completely fuckin' out of your tree.
posted by gman at 4:14 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

the school had every right to operate the way it did.

Just because an entity is private doesn't mean it doesn't have duties and obligations to the public, let alone the membership.
posted by DU at 4:20 AM on September 8, 2009

这个MeFi审查制度，它振动吗？
posted by Abiezer at 4:37 AM on September 8, 2009

In China, greasemonkey scripts delete you.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:37 AM on September 8, 2009

Yeah because comparing the moderators on Mefi to Chinese internet censorship is really going to go over well.

Yes, they prefer to be compared to the Stasi, IIRC.
posted by horsemuth at 4:39 AM on September 8, 2009

呵呵，囧，汗！
posted by Abiezer at 4:43 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

In case anyone is playing along at home, I can tell you that in the past 4-5 hours only one thing has been deleted. It was a comment on ask mefi which was accidentally posted twice.

Carry on.
posted by vacapinta at 4:53 AM on September 8, 2009

Excellent link, Abiezer - I particularly liked the fact that alpaca was a pun for "fuck your mom".
Also I could not help but notice GC = 高潮 meaning orgasm, being so similar to the emoticon for masturbation oGC

Also, new emoticons! 囧 Orz 凸
posted by idiopath at 5:00 AM on September 8, 2009

If I have unleashed a barbarian horde of smilies from the East, Mathowie will never forgive me.

vacapinta - your crude deletion of what was obviously a deliberate reprise of the first comment for artistic effect marks you out as a philistine of the first order and frankly, no better than one of Hitler's gauleiter.
posted by Abiezer at 5:06 AM on September 8, 2009

All banhammer recipients forfeit an organ

Really? I thought I saw a few of them at the last Bodies exhibit and they were startlingly complete.
posted by mrmojoflying at 5:15 AM on September 8, 2009

Would it be okay to link to Mefi Steak and pretend that it's a deleted comment de-obscurifier? Because I can't get enough of that script.
posted by Plutor at 5:16 AM on September 8, 2009

I do find the comparisons to China to be an interesting new variation on moderator-insulting. It used to be that at my job, all we got from people who were trying to be clever were not-nearly-as-vague-as-they-might-think references to jackboots. (The ones who weren't trying to be clever seemed, quite frequently, to offer up 'Stalinest Nazi' as their insult of choice. The ones who are trying to be all smarter-than-thou like to bring up the first amendment.) But now China, with their censorial tendencies has opened up a whole new realm of ways to compare website moderation to authoritarian governments.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:23 AM on September 8, 2009

Just because an entity is private doesn't mean it doesn't have duties and obligations to the public, let alone the membership.

In this case, I assume you mean, "Preserving the helpful tone of AskMetafilter by deleting obviously jokey comments and excessive derails", and "Preserving the mostly-quality tone of Metafilter by deleting aggressively trollish comments".

In which case, thank you mods for performing your duties and fulfilling your obligations to both the public and the membership.
posted by muddgirl at 5:49 AM on September 8, 2009

Actually, I was talking about the private school in the anecdote I quoted, but yes, it applies here too. And I agree, I don't think MeFi goes too far in deleting comments/posts. My point though is that it is possible to go too far. There is an amount of deleting comments/posts that would be wrong even though MeFi is privately owned.

And I'm sure to get hectored for this, but: Having the watchmen watch themselves and periodically issue statements to "trust us" is not a general solution. I don't want to imply that I think the mods are lying about the number of comments they've deleted and I'm not saying that to actually imply it while pretending not to.

It's just that the internet is made of communication. That's all there is out here. Just messages. Claims of corruption and censorship strike at the heart of that and should be taken (and made, Mr This Is Just Like China) seriously.
posted by DU at 6:01 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Is there going to be a struggle session?
posted by Meatbomb at 6:02 AM on September 8, 2009

So after peter_meta_kbd gets a comment or six deleted, do the mods continue to track the rest of his internet usage and delete or change the comments he makes elsewhere, not just on Metafilter?

I mean, does every mefite get this level of editorial service, or do I have to pay another five bucks, or what.

DU - is there any evidence that the mods or this community do not take claims like this seriously?
posted by rtha at 6:04 AM on September 8, 2009

The deletions here are so regular

Can you imagine how much more difficult AskMe would be to use if the mods *weren't* regularly deleting joke answers and noise? And how much crappier the blue would be if the jerks who rush to be first to post negative snark in threads weren't pruned?

Do you have a specific complaint? Was one of your comments deleted and you'd like to know why? Or do you honestly miss the shitty comments that get deleted here?
posted by mediareport at 6:17 AM on September 8, 2009

No, the mods do a pretty good job of being serious about claims like this. (Although exposing some of the deleted material, a la the deleted blog would be slightly better.)

The community though is pretty terrible. Check out any MeTa post that criticizes MeFi or the mods and you'll find it filled to the brim with status quoism, groupthink and fling-poo-at-them-what-thinks-diff'rnt-ism.
posted by DU at 6:18 AM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

is there any evidence that the mods or this community do not take claims like this seriously?

Evidence is a tool of the running dog capitalist admins! Do not be detered by their facts and "history" of being fair and reasonable! How do you even know what's real, don't believe the matrix!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:26 AM on September 8, 2009

rtha: "is there any evidence that the mods or this community do not take claims like this seriously?"

Well my opener here, for starters, I guess. I know where to go on the Internet for unfiltered content, and it gets real boring real fast. I come here for the moderation, and the skill and taste of the moderators. And the community that simultaneously is shaped around those standards, and shapes those standards. For me the proof of the pudding is in the eating - I can pretty regularly find engaging discussion here, on more weakly moderated forums it all gets drowned out in a constant stream of lowest common denominator sewage. I would quote or give an example but I would feel iffy about even posting the kind of crap I am alluding to.

The fact that I can go to some other less moderated site to make and read comments is enough accountability as far as I am concerned. I very recently favorited a comment linking to a video of a machine that cuts out hog bung holes, so I really don't think my standards are overly high.
posted by idiopath at 6:27 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

I find it amusing that everyone agrees Metafilter is actively moderated and that this is a good thing, yet the mods (cortex excepted) somehow felt the need to engage in a game of one-upmanship about how little gets deleted.

(of which vacapinta's "hardly anything was deleted while the mods were asleep" is the clear winner)
posted by cillit bang at 6:31 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

The community though is pretty terrible. Check out any MeTa post that criticizes MeFi or the mods and you'll find it filled to the brim with status quoism, groupthink and fling-poo-at-them-what-thinks-diff'rnt-ism.
This is one of the great things about community for my money and exactly what it should do - having arrived via trials of fire at a stable consensus the community is quite right to resist radical change, fuck-you-I-won't-tidy-my-room childishness and to think with the group interests in mind. Particularly combined with what is in actual practice a toleration of dissent, it's working fine. Other than adopting my Ten Point Programme for the Patriotic Education of Youth, obviously.
posted by Abiezer at 6:31 AM on September 8, 2009

felt the need to engage in a game of one-upmanship

God, the way some of you think is just completely bizarre to me.
posted by mediareport at 6:33 AM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

A few months back, someone posted a question to AskMe about "how do I get to spend other people's money". It was a legitimate question about earning the trust to become someone's financial go-between, or whatever that's called. I posted a rather eloquent (I thought) jokey response about drugging them, hypnosis, and other "methods" of gaining this facility over someone else. It lasted maybe 5 minutes before it was deleted, and it was the only time (I think) that I have needed to have that lesson taught to me.

If everyone were making those kinds of statements in AskMe, it would be a useless tool. I learned quickly. It seems everyone else has, too, if they are deleting fewer than 20 comments there a day.

Hardly the heavy hand they are being painted with using, I would say.
posted by hippybear at 6:33 AM on September 8, 2009

This is not the Nerd Thunderdome I was hoping for.

Agreeing with DU here that more transparency is better than less, even in these here private halls. I think the mods do well, and that more transparency would simply affirm that.

Things here work well, and they work well enough that I wouldn't have brought it up on my own or outside of a MetaTalk thread.
posted by DWRoelands at 6:37 AM on September 8, 2009

I posted too soon.

It isn't that filtering removes the content I find objectionable. It is that the presence of certain kinds of content make the conversation I want to witness or take part in impossible. I would probably have laughed if I read hippybear's drugging and hypnosis answer on askme. And if answers like that stayed up on askme, I would stop using it, because they would hurt the signal to noise ratio and prevent posts from getting helpful answers.

Similar with derails on the blue - I think of some discussions like they are rare flowers, they have a very small niche in which they can thrive and I very much want to witness or take part because I find them interesting, but all it takes is a few dried out boring in jokes or someone calling someone else a nasty name and poof the one possibility I may have had for taking part in that discussion in this decade is gone.
posted by idiopath at 6:41 AM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Lord Nelson Brewery Old Admiral 6.1%? Lolly water!

Beer.
posted by flabdablet at 6:43 AM on September 8, 2009

vacapinta is the mad midnight mod. The sun never sets on the mods. Coming soon: Mods! The Musical.
posted by Mister_A at 6:43 AM on September 8, 2009

Interesting that only 1% of comments are deleted: it feels like more.

I wonder what percentage of comments are angry responses to the deleted ones...
posted by TheophileEscargot at 6:45 AM on September 8, 2009

Also, if deleted comments were visible on an outside site, does that mean that all the troll comments are still visible, and still provoke us if they catch us with our guard down? Trolls go away when they are not rewarded with attention and reaction, if their crap is visible on an external site after being deleted here, they will stick around longer.
posted by idiopath at 6:47 AM on September 8, 2009

If it feels like more than one percent to you, well ...
posted by adipocere at 6:48 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

It seems to me that rather than trying to track deleted comments, a script could be made that allows individual users to track their comments. If you're that worried about mods deleting stuff, then someone should build such a script, so that people can sleep peacefully, knowing they're watching the watchers.

But to me, this is a theory vs reality argument. Yes transparency is good and the ideal, but I think it's possible to have too much transparency, where the watchers have to spend time defending everything they do as opposed to actually doing the job. This doesn't mean they shouldn't be challenged, just that keeping the crazies at bay and having some basic trust of the admins is essential to a relatively smoothly running Metafilter.

Otherwise we'll get shit like people demanding to see Matt's birth certificate or protesting one of Jessamyn's talks on the grounds that she's indoctrinating the children to use libraries.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:50 AM on September 8, 2009

How do you say "LOL" in Chinese? I am curious.

As a stupid American tourist, I can't really say. They probably say it in English.

Huh. Kekeke has been a staple of banal chatter in the WoW circuit for ages, but I never knew it was of Korean origin. I assumed it was a common type, like teh or pwn.

Apparently it is Korean in origin, but part of the reason it spread in WoW is that cross-faction 'lol' became 'kek'.
posted by graventy at 6:55 AM on September 8, 2009

The community though is pretty terrible. Check out any MeTa post that criticizes MeFi or the mods and you'll find it filled to the brim with status quoism, groupthink and fling-poo-at-them-what-thinks-diff'rnt-ism.

There are lots of different ways to do communities. I think the rallying around the mods which happens here is not because of groupthink but is because the vocal members of metafilter and the mods have basically the same idea about how the site should be run, otherwise members would be on another site. Your comment implied a passive acceptance of current policy while I think its more deliberate.
posted by shothotbot at 6:58 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Check out any MeTa post that criticizes MeFi or the mods and you'll find it filled to the brim with status quoism, groupthink and fling-poo-at-them-what-thinks-diff'rnt-ism.

what

I'm sorry, should I take seriously a criticism that compares mods who delete comments to Chinese government officials?

Transparency is good. I'm not sure how much more transparent things can get around here I mean lookit, jessamyn's wearing that ratty t-shirt and hasn't combed her hair yet and cortex isn't even wearing pants before it becomes a negative. If someone wants to know why their comment was deleted, they can email the mods (or post another meTa). If a script like the deleted threads script were available, what would that add to the site or to the users' experience here? It would allow you to see the spammy comments made by a spammer who gets banned; it would allow you to see the noise in askme; it would allow you to see the early threadshitting, the later derails, and the ad hom fuck you no fuck you in contentious fpps. Why would this level of transparency be a good thing? What would it add?
posted by rtha at 7:03 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

yet the mods (cortex excepted) somehow felt the need to engage in a game of one-upmanship about how little gets deleted.

Well, really:

1. cortex didn't mention numbers because he was keeping his comment as short and civil as he could, which took some rewriting and a lot of restraint giving the insulting, buffoonish signoff at the end of the original post. I would have given a little stats dump myself if I weren't too fucking annoyed to trust myself to keep typing at the time.

2. People around here seem to like numbers. Putting this stuff in a practical context every once in a while seems to help people understand what's actually happening quantitatively on the site, as opposed to whatever individual our collective guesses may be flying around. It seems like in this case peter_meta_kbd's impression is bizarre enough that putting something on the table to contextualize it made sense.

The point is that we don't go on deleting sprees. We don't go killing one out of every ten comments, we don't have any motive or incentive to come up with ideological premises on which to nuke stuff willy-nilly.

Agreeing with DU here that more transparency is better than less, even in these here private halls. I think the mods do well, and that more transparency would simply affirm that.

Transparency is good, but transparency is not free. We've stuck by the since-day-one practice of not making deleted comments visible because we don't believe the benefits of doing otherwise would outweigh the costs. Anyone who wants to know about a deletion—one they saw happen, one they suspect may have happened, unknown deletions of their own comments that they're curious about—has always been welcome to ask, and we've brought in deleted material to metatalk threads when it's on-topic and seems necessary to the discussion, because, yes, we're okay with that level of transparency.

But the advantages to keeping deleted comments available in the clear do not leap out at us; most of it doesn't need any chewing on, and we definitely don't need to deal with a higher volume of rules-lawyering or comment-by-comment disputes from deletee and bystander alike. If it's worth notice and worth asking us about, ask away, but there's not much practical benefit to prompting people to create work for us about deletions that would without prompting have gone totally unremarked.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:21 AM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

I've had more comments that I wish had been deleted than actually have been deleted.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:26 AM on September 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

cjorgensen, I've found that flagging my own "oh fuck what is wrong with me why on earth did I say that" type comments tends to ensure they get deleted. Or the mods and I can both recognize a delete-worthy comment, and I just have a problem with only seeing it after I've posted.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 7:32 AM on September 8, 2009

I'm moving to China–for the freedom! Look for me, I will be the relatively tall, handsome fellow twirling his handlebar moustache and wearing one of these.
posted by Mister_A at 7:40 AM on September 8, 2009

Comment moderation doesn't bother me. After all, I'm used to being SILENCED ALL MY LIFE.

Also, I would like to have jessamyn on my death panel.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:43 AM on September 8, 2009

Serious question: If Obama is from Kenya, how come he has never won a marathon?

Serious answer: He's actually from Benin!
posted by Mister_A at 7:46 AM on September 8, 2009

One time I let a thread get way too far under my skin and I made an inappropriate assumption and said something really hurtful to someone who didn't deserve it. I didn't ask for it to be deleted because I felt its presence as an embarrassing pockmark on my sterling^[1] reputation would help me grow. But a certain mod deleted it anyway when I made it clear in the thread that it was a mistake (and because it was going to derail an obviously contentious thread). I'm pretty happy that we're moderated here, especially since they're generally judicious about it. It's like swearing: If you do it rarely, then using swears actually shocks people, which is the whole point of swearing in the first place.

If that makes me supportive of a Chinese-style tyranny, then Mao me up.

^[1] I actually have no clue what my reputation is, other than maybe "that guy who programs".
posted by Plutor at 8:09 AM on September 8, 2009

Don't ask me, I'm just here to buy Soy Sauce.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:11 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Also, I would like to have jessamyn on my death panel.

This user was deleted for the following reason: GYOlivertransplant. Grar.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:12 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Serious question: How the hell do I make the twitter thingmabob show up at the bottom of my profile? Not just the "also on" link, but the actual nonsensical gibberish I am at the moment choosing to share. (Pretty sure this would be easy to figure out if I was sober, however.)
posted by little e at 8:14 AM on September 8, 2009

you just add your account to the "also on" part of your profile, twitter something and it automagically appears.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:16 AM on September 8, 2009

posted by not_on_display at 8:17 AM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

I, for one, will not allow my children* to attend any meetup at which Cortex is present. I feel that his socialist policies have no place in a drinking establishment, and until he presents a valid birth certificate his mod powers are unconstitutional.




*I have no children.
posted by electroboy at 8:19 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

*I have no children.

You want some? I got spares.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:22 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Unrelated: Why doesn't the sidebar image for cortex's trip say "Cortex Does America"? I think we all know that would be more proper than "sees".
posted by Burhanistan at 8:22 AM on September 8, 2009

Yep, not showing up. I've got the little "t" link, but not the lyrics that I am, at the moment, both twittering and singing. The magic is not working for me.
posted by little e at 8:24 AM on September 8, 2009

I actually have no clue what my reputation is, other than maybe "that guy who programs".

I think of you as "that guy who greases monkeys", but I think I might have misunderstood what was going on.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:25 AM on September 8, 2009 [6 favorites]

maybe there's a lag, little e. Last.fm sometimes takes a half-hour or so to show up.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:37 AM on September 8, 2009

Hmm. Guess I'll check back later then. Thanks.
posted by little e at 8:41 AM on September 8, 2009

You want some? I got spares.

Has that ever worked?
posted by electroboy at 8:45 AM on September 8, 2009

Now I feel like you guys don't delete enough stuff.

We actually make that Sideshow Bob noise an awful lot while sending email to aggrieved users and checking fishy new posts for signs of self-linking or SEO douchebaggery and all the other stuff we do around here. I didn't mean to be all "bla bla we hardly delete anything therefore peter_meta_kbd is WRONG!" but this was a question where

- the actual question "where can I find these scripts" was already answered, they exist for posts and not for comments; we'll have to correct the FAQ
- there seemed to be an incorrect premise that maybe someone would appreciate some numbers on. If "so regular" means removing one out of every 100-200 comments, okay then.

This didn't seem to be, on its face, a question about moderation per se. If someone wants to have that conversation, I guess they can.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:46 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

In China, internet searches for you!

Am I doing this right?
posted by Mister_A at 8:54 AM on September 8, 2009

woohoo, my thingmabob showed up!
posted by little e at 8:55 AM on September 8, 2009

I am so happy for you, little e. Every mammal deserves its thingamabob.
posted by Mister_A at 8:57 AM on September 8, 2009

Has that ever worked?

Demands on the markets.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:59 AM on September 8, 2009

The deletions here are so regular it's like using the internet from China.

yes i've used the internet from china (English only though), otherwise i wouldn't make the comparison.

How would you know this is a valid comparison? You didn't have access to the actual deletion data, as you were asking for it in the first place. Or else you were talking about your own deletions, in which case you are doing it way wrong if that is your comparison point.
posted by SpacemanStix at 9:00 AM on September 8, 2009

Every mammal deserves its thingamabob.

Y'know, I have a good friend who no longer has a belly button (long story). I accused him of not being a mammal anymore. But I was incorrect. Not every mammal has a belly button.
posted by little e at 9:01 AM on September 8, 2009

Does your friend still have fur? I would be suspicious if he or she lost all his or her fur.

I think platypuses lack belly buttons, right?
posted by Mister_A at 9:03 AM on September 8, 2009

1) Over-moderate.
2) ???
3) Profit.
posted by McGuillicuddy at 3:20 AM on September 8

Ooh, ooh. I actually know this one.

The missing step for number #2 is "Create an enjoyable and readable community of high quality and substantive contributions that generates interest and more members because it sets itself apart as being of high quality as opposed to the steaming pile of dogshit that most other communities become when left unmoderated to the screeching sub-morons who inhabit most other websites (and whom seem dead set on trying to push Metafilter in the direction of the rest)."

What do I win for guessing it correctly?




(And count me in the club who wishes that there was more active moderation, not less.)
posted by dios at 9:05 AM on September 8, 2009 [10 favorites]

I don't have a navel, but that's because I'm a mutant whose pre-natal development was nourished by amoebic-like absorption rather than inefficient blood-borne methods.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:08 AM on September 8, 2009

It would seem that there are those of us who do possess navels, aka placental mammals, and then there are marsupials. Yes, my friend is somewhat furry, and as far as I know he also has sweat glands and all requisite ear bones. However, he has always had freakishly small nipples which already, to my mind, cast his mammalhood in doubt. make of that what you will.
posted by little e at 9:08 AM on September 8, 2009

Non-eutherian mammals, i.e. marsupials, get their embryonic nutrition from a yolk sac. So, no umbilical cord, no belly button. But I've never actually looked for one and I don't have a platypus handy, so I'm just speculating.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:09 AM on September 8, 2009

However, he has always had freakishly small nipples

Well, once he gets pregnant his nipples should swell right up.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:10 AM on September 8, 2009

My coelacanth does not have a belly button.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:13 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

You can't, like, own a coelacanth, man.
posted by electroboy at 9:16 AM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

I had noise tv on Sunday afternoon while I was getting some housework done, and had the unique experience of hearing a Scottish decorator remark not once, but twice, that [something] so delighted him that his nipples swelled up like cocktail sausages. Oh, BBC Canada, I so trusted you once.
posted by maudlin at 9:16 AM on September 8, 2009

Well, I've got an extra if he needs it.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:16 AM on September 8, 2009

You think you won the coelacanth, then you wake up one day and realize the coelacanth owns you.

Think about it, it's a 200-lb. fish with big teeth and lobed fins. LOBED I tells ya!
posted by Mister_A at 9:17 AM on September 8, 2009

Won = own. Winning a coelacanth is forbidden most everywhere.
posted by Mister_A at 9:19 AM on September 8, 2009

You can win a coelacanth in Massachusetts, but they're taxed something like 45%.
posted by Plutor at 9:24 AM on September 8, 2009

You can't, like, own a coelacanth, man.

Tell it to the Harvard Museum of Natural History. It's delicious when pickled.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:26 AM on September 8, 2009

reminds, goddammit

OK, like a hundred comments too late, but in your original sentence "All the GRAR about deleted comments remind me of how" it is clear that "GRAR" is a word that is its own plural, like "deer" or "fish", and your second comment was unnecessary and should have been deleted by the Maods.
posted by dirtdirt at 9:27 AM on September 8, 2009

A coelacanth is for life, not just for Jurrasic Park Day.
posted by boo_radley at 9:28 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Coelacanth is also one of those words like "beer" that is both singular and plural. Look it up, it's in The Bible.
posted by Mister_A at 9:35 AM on September 8, 2009

OH ITS SO FUCKING SAD THAT THINGS GET DELETED HERE WHY CAN'T IT BE A MONKEY HOUSE LIKE EVERYWHERE ELSE ON THE INTERNET I WANT TO THROW MY POOP AT SOMEBODY YAAAAY!
posted by Afroblanco at 9:36 AM on September 8, 2009

...not just for Jurrasic Park Day.

Is that one of those days that I'm supposed to talk funny? Because I'm not doing it.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:39 AM on September 8, 2009

Jurassic Park Day is pretty easy. Everywhere you might say "Aaarrgh!" for Talk Like a Pirate Day, you say "GRAR!"
posted by Mister_A at 9:41 AM on September 8, 2009

I'm bored. Can somebody please say something stupid, so I'll have something to complain about? *sigh* [You want something done right, you got to do it yourself!] "I'm bored. Can somebody please say something stupid, so I'll have something to complain about?" "Apparently, yes. Somebody can." "Asshole!" "Hitler!" "I'm out of here!" Aaaaand.... scene.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:44 AM on September 8, 2009

Rar.
posted by The Whelk at 9:49 AM on September 8, 2009

Still bored.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:03 AM on September 8, 2009

You people need to step! up! if I'm going to successfully ignore changing the sheets today.
posted by The Whelk at 10:04 AM on September 8, 2009

Pirates, navels, coelacanth, mammals, China, nipples... what more do you need, man? I even linked to the three wolf moon shirt! I'll try to get even sillier, but I don't know if the engines will take it!
posted by Mister_A at 10:10 AM on September 8, 2009

METAFILTER IS TRYING TO STOP MY PROJECT!
posted by not_on_display at 10:14 AM on September 8, 2009

Coelacanth nipples aren't nearly as responsive to the touch as you would think.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:17 AM on September 8, 2009

THIS IS A VERY SILLY KITTY
posted by The Whelk at 10:17 AM on September 8, 2009

Gosh dang it, that is a silly kitty.
posted by Mister_A at 10:38 AM on September 8, 2009

THIS IS A VERY SUPER MARIO
posted by The Whelk at 10:40 AM on September 8, 2009

Coelacanth is watching you masturbate.
posted by mattdidthat at 10:41 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Coelacanth is helping me masturbate.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 10:47 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Coelacanth is even more bored than I am, then.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:48 AM on September 8, 2009

Uh - that was meant for mattdidthat.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:48 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Coelacanth stickers or shirts would be dope, eh mattdidthat?
posted by Mister_A at 10:50 AM on September 8, 2009

Coelacan't.
posted by The Whelk at 10:54 AM on September 8, 2009

CoelaKant

Coelacanth Can Do!

Coela-Can-Can

Drink Coelacanth!

Feel free to stop me at any time.
posted by The Whelk at 10:55 AM on September 8, 2009

I'm too lazy to rewrite ABBA's "Take a Chance on Me"....
posted by Burhanistan at 11:01 AM on September 8, 2009

but now you'll be hearing "coelancanth coelancanth coelancanth on me" all day.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:02 AM on September 8, 2009 [6 favorites]

I'm working on some new material for my stand-up act. Tell me what you think of this one:

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Coelacanth.

Coelacanth who?

GRAR!
posted by Mister_A at 11:09 AM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

Fun fact: they're really called coelcans; they just have a terrible lisp.
posted by boo_radley at 11:11 AM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Goddmanit Burhanistan! ABBA songs qualify as a Series 4 MemeWeapon You want Cognition Protection on your ass?
posted by The Whelk at 11:13 AM on September 8, 2009

Whoa! Series 4!
posted by Mister_A at 11:13 AM on September 8, 2009

Baby I'm still free!
posted by Burhanistan at 11:14 AM on September 8, 2009

> thanks for the feedback.

yes i've used the internet from china (English only though), otherwise i wouldn't make the comparison.

peace.

"Peace"? Give me a break. Your original post was susceptible to the generous interpretation that you were just clueless; this comment makes you look like a jerk.
posted by languagehat at 11:29 AM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Since this is a weird meta thread, I would like to hijack it and say that I'm getting very tired of people posting crappy false medical information in Ask Metafilter threads. Ikkyu2 was a jerk about it but he had a point; it gets very wearing having to read through journal articles people post in support of false claims just so I can explain why the article doesn't say what they claim it says.

BUT I CANT STOP.

Thank you, and good night.
posted by Justinian at 11:34 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Peace" is right up there with "I'm just sayin'" as an idiom that is used to excuse all manner of bad behavior.
posted by Mister_A at 11:35 AM on September 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

I'm getting very tired of people posting crappy false medical information in Ask Metafilter threads.

Dude, that's definitely a tension myositis syndrome. I know a doctor in NYC who can help.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:36 AM on September 8, 2009

4 out of 5 doctors recommend eating it.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:36 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

I applied to the UMEA for some discounted liberals and just got them flown over from China. They are so cute.
posted by effluvia at 11:41 AM on September 8, 2009

Your original post was susceptible to the generous interpretation that you were just clueless

Only to those who don't remember previous posts by peter_meta_kbd, who seems to want MetaFilter to be completely different.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:42 AM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

> Only to those who don't remember previous posts by peter_meta_kbd

Ah, well, I didn't and didn't bother researching his history. Now that I've looked into it, yeah, it fits like a glove.
posted by languagehat at 11:49 AM on September 8, 2009

posted by Burhanistan but now you'll be hearing "coelancanth coelancanth coelancanth on me" all day.

You've been cheating extinction since the Devonian
So you made up your mind it must come to an end
Look at you now, crawling on the ground
I don't know how, but you suddenly learned to stroll
You're a dinosaur and a sole
Just one look at your little lobed fins
One more look and I question Darwin, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh,

Coelacanth, with your lobed fin
My my, how can I resist you?
Coelacanth, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been sad and stoic
Blue since the Mesozoic
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Coelacanth, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go
posted by mattdidthat at 11:52 AM on September 8, 2009 [5 favorites]

Okay, so we all know what we're singing at karaoke tomorrow.
posted by The Whelk at 12:03 PM on September 8, 2009

"Peace" is right up there with "I'm just sayin'" as an idiom that is used to excuse all manner of bad behavior.

Too true. It's like 10-year-olds who've recently discovered the phrase "just kidding!" and think that it automatically erases whatever nasty shit they just said.
posted by Afroblanco at 12:06 PM on September 8, 2009

We've stuck by the since-day-one practice of not making deleted comments visible because we don't believe the benefits of doing otherwise would outweigh the costs.

Man, I'm way too late to make my elaborate description of BIZZARO-METAFILTER where it's all deleted posts and comments. Plus it's all square and shit. And the "s"s are backwards.
posted by GuyZero at 12:15 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, the only way to log in is to get "banned", which forces your computer to connect only to BIZZARO METAFILTER.
posted by The Whelk at 12:19 PM on September 8, 2009

Hmm, I think I'm there already, Whelk.
posted by Mister_A at 12:24 PM on September 8, 2009

I was trying to figure out what the heck was up with this question in the first place with the China comparison and the flippant "peace" response later. It's such an exaggerated comparison that attempts to be serious at face value it's almost funny. Looking back at some of the recent discussion with peter_meta regarding deletions, it actually becomes more clear. It was five months ago, man. Let it go.
posted by SpacemanStix at 12:25 PM on September 8, 2009

Out at sea off the Comoros
Where the sharks are your only foes
Swimming slow through the ocean, popping up for a look
You didn't see the hook
People said that you should be dead
Fossilized like a dino head
You don't pay no attention, you know you're still alive
A curiosity
That others would like to see

You are the coelacanth, lovelier than a cystacanth
Coelacanth, pretty as fields of amaranth
You can swim, you can float, diving right under the boat
See that fish, grab your chance, reel in the coelacanth
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:31 PM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

SpacemanStix, according to this, people who are doin' it wrong usually don't know they're doin' it wrong.
posted by Mister_A at 12:31 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER you can only post pictures, cause Bizzaro Jessamyn said reading is dumb.
posted by The Whelk at 12:33 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

BIZZARO METAFILTER would probably make tons of money.
posted by R. Mutt at 12:41 PM on September 8, 2009

Most of the BIZZARO ASK METAFILTER questions revolve around a woman we'll call "Lois" and why she doesn't want to date you.
posted by GuyZero at 12:44 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

BIZZARO METAFILTER's most popular music post is "HUG'EM WITH YOUR ARMS"

Hug'em with your arms
Hug'em with your arms
I don't mean you any harm
lemme hug you with my arms!
posted by EatTheWeak at 12:45 PM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

Oh yeah, he's the GFAR guy.

Bizarro would say "I don't mean you any harm" if it were about to brutalize you, I think.
posted by Pronoiac at 12:50 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METATALK all they do is talk about us.
posted by The Whelk at 12:50 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, Matt is pretty much the same, but rides a unicycle and has a goatee.
posted by ODiV at 12:52 PM on September 8, 2009

Fortunately, my prediction in the last thread was wrong. This thread has been a laff-a-palooza!
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:53 PM on September 8, 2009

Bizarro would say "I don't mean you any harm" if it were about to brutalize you, I think.

Whatever the correct answer is to this question of Bizarro language use, it would be established with friendly mutual agreement in fewer than twenty comments in a BIZARRO METATALK thread.
posted by EatTheWeak at 12:54 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, ABBA parodies us.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:54 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, Cortex is bald and completely atonal.
posted by The Whelk at 12:55 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZARRO METAFILTER, Jessamyn is a man.
posted by ocherdraco at 12:56 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZARRO METAFILTER, sixcolors is a mod and jessamyn is both banned and a cautionary example.
posted by EatTheWeak at 12:57 PM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, BIZZARO WHELK is barely seen on the site except to answer a few short, highly technical questions without any snark whatsoever.
posted by The Whelk at 1:01 PM on September 8, 2009

AT BIZZARO METATALK, every thread is an alphabet thread.
posted by The Whelk at 1:04 PM on September 8, 2009

BIZARRO PROJECTS is the most widely read section of the site.
posted by EatTheWeak at 1:07 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, a mind once expanded can never return to its original dimensions.
posted by netbros at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2009

Hey I'm just sayin' BIZZARRO METAFILTER, AMIRITE?

peace
posted by idiopath at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Me am BIZARRO EATTHEWEAK. Bizarro Neal Stephenson AM TERRIBLE AUTHOR.
posted by EatTheWeak at 1:15 PM on September 8, 2009

Them's fightin' words, idiopath! Fortunately this is BIZZAROFILTER so fightin' words is akin to talkin' about cupcakes and puppies.
posted by Mister_A at 1:15 PM on September 8, 2009

SpacemanStix, according to this, people who are doin' it wrong usually don't know they're doin' it wrong.

I have noticed that, and it feels like a cruel joke that the universe has played on us. It's a brilliant joke, but still cruel.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:16 PM on September 8, 2009

If I was in China right now I'd just be steady chowin' down on some delicious food.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:22 PM on September 8, 2009

Yeah, nature is cruel and brilliant, like Cher or Carl Sagan.
posted by Mister_A at 1:23 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Man, this gouda-cracked pepper popcorn really kicks.
posted by boo_radley at 1:24 PM on September 8, 2009

Is that BIZZARO POPCORN or the other sort? Coelacanth popcorn.
posted by Mister_A at 1:26 PM on September 8, 2009

uh yeah it... am.
posted by boo_radley at 1:28 PM on September 8, 2009

I will never understand you people.
posted by The Bizzaro Whelk at 1:32 PM on September 8, 2009 [5 favorites]

AT BIZARRO METAFILTER, we know how they got all their cats wedged into their scanners - and why.
posted by yhbc at 1:34 PM on September 8, 2009

......awkward
posted by The Whelk at 1:35 PM on September 8, 2009

Ack! I'm married to both of youse.

Also, BIZARRO METAFILTER: me am read posts down here
posted by Mister_A at 1:37 PM on September 8, 2009

Can we just refund this guy's $5.00 so he can't stop posting a MetaTalk thread every month about why he doesn't like how MetaFilter works?
posted by cgomez at 1:40 PM on September 8, 2009

I'm just going to hang out here until the storyline where BIZARRO METAFILTER and the astral plane collide. That'll be good eatin'.

*Sits down, looks at watch, unfolds newspaper, and devours a soul that has gotten itself banned in the astral plane.*
posted by Astral Zombie at 1:41 PM on September 8, 2009

.uoy gnihctaw m'I :KLEHW ORRAZIB dna klehW
posted by Astral Zombie at 1:42 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, nothing vibrates.
posted by davejay at 1:45 PM on September 8, 2009

Thankfully I don't have a soul and have little use for automatic doors.
posted by The Whelk at 1:48 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, no one has cameras.
posted by The Whelk at 1:48 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZARRO METAFILTER: A page in a more professional colour greases the monkey which in turn coelacanth.
posted by ob at 1:48 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, the longboat rides you.

Also, at BIZZARO METAFILTER, stealing lines from IRFH is totally cool
posted by The Whelk at 2:05 PM on September 8, 2009

Let's not confuse BIZZARO METAFILTER with Yakov Smirnoff-filter.
posted by GuyZero at 2:09 PM on September 8, 2009

You people seem to always get the astral plane wrong. It's not something outside the current scope of activity. It interpenetrates. You rubes know nothing about theosophy!
posted by Burhanistan at 2:10 PM on September 8, 2009

BIZARRO METAFILTER: me know less about this subject than you possibly imagine.
posted by Mister_A at 2:10 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, Yakov Smirnoff trumps Bill Hicks.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:12 PM on September 8, 2009

Nice use of the @ trope.
posted by Mister_A at 2:14 PM on September 8, 2009

@ BIZZARO YAKOV SMIRNOFF METAFILTER, your favorite band sucks you!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:14 PM on September 8, 2009 [5 favorites]

GRAR COMMENT DELETED NOT FIGHTY ENOUGH
posted by Mister_A at 2:17 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, no one knows how to fix American health care.
posted by The Whelk at 2:19 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER no one reads the posts down here.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:20 PM on September 8, 2009

BIZZARO METAFILTER is a Glenn Beck lovefest.
posted by R. Mutt at 2:26 PM on September 8, 2009

MeFi's Own Glenn Beck
posted by Burhanistan at 2:32 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

BIZZARO YAKOV SMIRNOFF METAFILTER, your favorite band sucks you!

Why else would they be my favorite band?
posted by electroboy at 2:32 PM on September 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

At BIZZARO METAFILTER people go RARG RARG!
posted by SpiffyRob at 2:32 PM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

aaaand scene.

please?
posted by boo_radley at 2:47 PM on September 8, 2009

OOTIDI!
posted by everichon at 2:48 PM on September 8, 2009

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER JOKES GO ON UNTIL THEY ARE NO LONGER FUNNY AND DIE OFF.
posted by The Whelk at 2:48 PM on September 8, 2009

Disappointingly, I think BIZZARO METAFILTER joke threads would wind themselves up before they get stale. Thank goodness that isn't BIZZARO METAFILTER.
posted by GuyZero at 2:51 PM on September 8, 2009

@ BIZZARO ASK METAFILTER, everyone is your doctor.
posted by The Whelk at 2:54 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Peace peace peace peace peace peace peace peach peach peach peach peach peach peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p
posted by klangklangston at 2:56 PM on September 8, 2009

i wrote a song put some music on it cortex
posted by klangklangston at 2:56 PM on September 8, 2009

You people are crazy, can we get back to discussing the issue at hand? Stuff like this just distracts us from serious conversation and reasoned analysis. Also, it's stupid.
posted by The Bizzaro Whelk at 2:58 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

> Peace peace peace peace peace peace peace peach peach peach peach peach peach peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas peas p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p p

klang: would this work?
posted by needled at 3:02 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Posting and commenting on BIZARRO METAFILTER makes one punctual, productive and prosperous, all on its own!
posted by EatTheWeak at 3:12 PM on September 8, 2009

@ BIZARRO CHINA, meta filters you.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:36 PM on September 8, 2009

BIZARRO METATALK AM QUOTING chiropracty.
posted by stet at 3:58 PM on September 8, 2009

Give whirled peas a chance.
posted by deborah at 4:13 PM on September 8, 2009

No. I hate peas.
posted by R. Mutt at 4:51 PM on September 8, 2009

@ BIZZARO METATALK NOBODY NEEDS A HUG AND EVERYONE IS SOVER!
posted by The Whelk at 4:54 PM on September 8, 2009

This didn't seem to be, on its face, a question about moderation per se.

Jessamyn was correct in that.

When I was in China, at one point in time I was thinking, "I wonder if these people even know who Tank man is" so what did I do? I tried to find tank man to show some people and ask. It wasn't until then that it struck me. I couldn't find what I was looking for. There was no trace of it. Well, I was able to open a terminal and eventually found it since like more people here I am clever in that way. But that was the original experience: "I can't find something I am sure was part of this when I was previously looking - and if I hadn't known before I'd never find it now either."

That's the same experience I had here a few days ago. I really don't give a crap about whether the knee jerk man-hating hazers here have a way to find deleted comments (do they find mine and without even read them flag them? - "take that, peter_meta_kbd" - the militant feminists are as intolerant as any other intolerant group); I wanted to find one (deleted comment, not militant feminist). Not that it's all that important to me either, but it would be cool and handy for me. I checked the FAQ and found inconsistencies and hoped for one answer though feared another.

If I had wanted to make a thread about moderation, I probably would have suggested that the mods just delete the parts of a message that they found offensive, but I know how much respect people here give to non-cult-member suggestions, so that's hardly worth the effort.
posted by peter_meta_kbd at 4:59 PM on September 8, 2009

I really don't give a crap about whether the knee jerk man-hating hazers here have a way to find deleted comments (do they find mine and without even read them flag them? - "take that, peter_meta_kbd" - the militant feminists are as intolerant as any other intolerant group)

I know how much respect people here give to non-cult-member suggestions, so that's hardly worth the effort.

I have no idea what man-hating has to do with any of this, but your general approach here seems to be one of contempt and disdain. I'm not sure if that's on purpose, but it's definitely affecting the responses you're getting here. If you want to know something about one of your own deleted comments, you can email one of the mods and we'll let you know what stuff of yours has been deleted.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:04 PM on September 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

I don't get why you keep posting here if you hate it so much. You seem angry but your comment has no specific point. Also, have some more lotus fruit.
posted by GuyZero at 5:07 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Funny thing, the feeling is mutual, this militant feminist man hating cult member hardly thinks you are worth the effort. If you write something and want to be able to see it again, it is pretty easy to save a copy.

If you want to write things that offend feminists without the fear of having them being deleted by feminists there are places like reddit and fark and slashdot that on the whole have as little respect for feminism as you evidently do, and I am sure they would value your input.
posted by idiopath at 5:09 PM on September 8, 2009

Ha, ha! Yeah - that's great: IN BIZARRO METATALK, there really are "militant feminists" who run the place! And they all hate men! Just because they're "militant feminists!"

wait, that wasn't a joke? there really are people who have that kind of world-view?
I don't like BIZARRO METATALK so much any more
posted by yhbc at 5:11 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Oh, I'm in a cult — sweet! I'mmmm gonna sit at the Welcome Ta-ble; gonna sit at the Welcome Table one of these days! Hallelujah!

Uh, can someone clarify this for me ... is this sort of the huggy, send mathowie money cult, or an ominous control access to your family and bank accounts cult, or are we going straight for Keds, castration, and Koolaid?

Waiting for my indoctrination session here ...
posted by adipocere at 5:14 PM on September 8, 2009

There are few "militant feminists" - most of us are plain-old militant humanists. It just so happens that women are humans, too.
posted by muddgirl at 5:19 PM on September 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

BIZZARO METATALK BANS EVERYONE, NOONE.
posted by The Whelk at 5:21 PM on September 8, 2009

When I was in China, at one point in time I was thinking, "I wonder if these people even know who Tank man is" so what did I do? I tried to find tank man to show some people and ask. It wasn't until then that it struck me. I couldn't find what I was looking for. There was no trace of it. .... if I hadn't known before I'd never find it now either."

That's the same experience I had here a few days ago.

*slips on banana peel*
*monocle pops out*
*record skips and scratches*

By Eisner's Inkwell, peter! Did you just compare the Chinese regime's suppression of the tank man image to the occasional comment-pruning that Metafilter's mods must do to prevent the site being overrun by ... uhm ... knee-jerk manhating hazer cultists and other problem posts? Seriously?

On BIZARRO METAFILTER, you have a sense of perspective.
posted by EatTheWeak at 5:25 PM on September 8, 2009 [4 favorites]

Oh, wait, I think I get it now, I was confused before!

So the way it works is you accuse us of being militant feminists in some kind of cult, and we are supposed to reply by emphasizing how UN-cultlike and how UN-militant-feminist we are in order to let you know you are still welcome, and then we forgive you for whatever sexist crap you said that got deleted and we all give you a hug, and then you show us that what you said wasn't really sexist it was just the honest to god truth about women and we all learn a lesson and become lifelong friends - is that it?
posted by idiopath at 5:26 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

How does one go about becoming a member of this man-hating militant feminist hazer cult, whose members are able to flag - but not read! - already-deleted comments?
posted by gemmy at 5:27 PM on September 8, 2009

Where do feminist militants keep their armies?

In their sleevies. Duh!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:28 PM on September 8, 2009 [7 favorites]

R. Mutt: Proud Militant Feminist.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:31 PM on September 8, 2009

You came across an example of a totalitarian government making all efforts to limit its citizens' access to an iconic image of protest against said government.

And then you "had the same experience here a few days ago" when you couldn't find a comment you were looking for.

No. No, you didn't, you ingrown anus.

Did the People's Republic of China offer you a forum to express your concerns? If so, did you get a response from one or more of the functionaries whose actions generated your concerns? And were you allowed to express your concerns without fear of social, financial, legal, or physical reprisal?

You're contemptible.

And I really hope your cleverness didn't entirely fuck over the owner of whatever terminal you used to enlighten the masses with Tank Man images.
posted by dogrose at 5:34 PM on September 8, 2009 [9 favorites]

This thread would happen the one day I'm not a walking non sequitor.

Note: Everyone needs a hug.
posted by aniola at 5:38 PM on September 8, 2009

peter_meta_kbd: "I really don't give a crap about whether the knee jerk man-hating hazers here have a way to find deleted comments (do they find mine and without even read them flag them? - "take that, peter_meta_kbd" - the militant feminists are as intolerant as any other intolerant group)"

I want you to have some context to this comment, so I offer up the following: This morning, I slapped my wife on the ass and told her she had a great rack. That is where I lay on the feminism scale vis-a-vis the woman I love.

Having established my bona-fides, on to the nut of the matter: I am moving from passive puzzlement in regards to your attitude to active dislike. I do not hate you, you do not inspire rage in me. In truth, it is perhaps a step above disdain. Your gender plays no part in this dislike; it is solely by your words that I have come to dislike you: framing your censored comment on the act of a "man-hating" hegemony is, frankly, insane.

You are welcome to believe that I conspire against you with others, however, no such arrangement exists. Those you dislike you have done so as individuals; perhaps as I have, by mere dint of your incoherent and poorly thought-out complaints. Others may have met you and dislike you for more personal reasons. I will not speak for them as I have not met you.

You are probably an agreeable person in the flesh. Whatever situation causes you to be so emotionally attached to your comments here would probably not hamper a face to face conversation with you, and we might be able to iron out these minor disputes over a few pitchers of beer. Alas, this will probably not happen.
posted by boo_radley at 5:38 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

do they find mine and without even read them flag them? - "take that, peter_meta_kbd"

No. Well, they used to. But not anymore.

The militant feminists now have a network of computers in their bunkHer. On these man-hating boxen, they run a group of zombie sockpuppet accounts and a tiny bit of code that automatically finds your comments and flags them.

The satisfaction they used to take in manually flagging, that magical "take that!" moment, has been sacrificed in the name of efficiency. Now they have more time to get back to their original mission: testicle harvesting.
posted by CKmtl at 5:46 PM on September 8, 2009 [6 favorites]

Jessamyn: "If you want to know something about one of your own deleted comments, you can email one of the mods and we'll let you know what stuff of yours has been deleted."

Hi Jessamyn, Yes, As you know I know, you are responsive when I ask you why my comments were deleted (thanks).
posted by peter_meta_kbd at 5:47 PM on September 8, 2009

On Bizarro MetaFilter, peter_meta_kbd isn't a petulant wank.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:54 PM on September 8, 2009

And yes, on BizMeFi, I am not a jerky creep.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:55 PM on September 8, 2009

Whine on, you manly diamond.
posted by Abiezer at 5:56 PM on September 8, 2009 [6 favorites]

I really don't give a crap about whether the knee jerk man-hating hazers

What the fuck is the matter with you? Are you posting drunk? Or from BizarroFilter? Both?
posted by rtha at 6:06 PM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

"internet from China" + "knee jerk man-hating hazers" = "Well played, that troll. Now run along."
posted by pompomtom at 6:10 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

How does one go about becoming a member of this man-hating militant feminist hazer cult, whose members are able to flag - but not read! - already-deleted comments?

I'll MeMail you. We have cake!
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:12 PM on September 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Some of my best friends are men. I swear.
posted by Marnie at 6:14 PM on September 8, 2009

You are probably an agreeable person in the flesh

In general, I don't enjoy hanging out with people who a) believe that everyone else is out to get them, b) believe that everyone else is out to get them for ridiculous reasons like "militant feminism," c) are arrant Besserwisser who love to lecture others about how they're Doing Stuff Wrong.

Oh, and then there's the over-the-top hyperbole about how moderation on a website = totalitarianism.

But that may just be me. Though I am having a funny image of someone coming into a party, ordering everyone around, finding fault with the food, drink, and decorations, accusing the people who object to same of being part of a conspiracy, and then comparing them to repressive totalitarian regimes--alas, Chris Farley, the only actor who could really do that justice, is dead.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:19 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, comments are deleted by crawling into your house and erasing the memory of the comment via painful surgery.
posted by The Whelk at 6:21 PM on September 8, 2009

I'll MeMail you. We have cake!
Sweetbreads, I heard.
posted by Abiezer at 6:22 PM on September 8, 2009

Rocky Mountain Oyster Cake.
posted by The Whelk at 6:23 PM on September 8, 2009

Sidhedevil, I'll bring coffee, and a little sumthin' to doctor it. Cuz knee-jerk man-hating cultists need their caffeine, sugar, and alcohol just like everyone else, amirite?

What kind of cake?
posted by rtha at 6:23 PM on September 8, 2009

kekeke...
大声笑: verb 1. cachinnate
/stumbles, cackling, into an onomatopoeic wormhole of etymological pain
posted by shoesfullofdust at 6:25 PM on September 8, 2009 [3 favorites]

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, no one cares about word origin or meaning.
posted by The Whelk at 6:26 PM on September 8, 2009

"What kind of cake?"

Bundt, of course.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 6:27 PM on September 8, 2009

Sidhedevil: "alas, Chris Farley, the only actor who could really do that justice, is dead"

favorited for the delightful theater, I think I would really enjoy meta flameouts that much more if the one flaming out was enacted by Chris Farley.

Sidhedevil: "I'll MeMail you. We have cake!"

also I am imagining the slapstick buffoonery Farley would engage in with the cake - in particular I imagine him doing a belly flop into an oversized cake, getting frosting on everyone's face.
posted by idiopath at 6:30 PM on September 8, 2009

I'll MeMail you. We have cake!

That cake had better not be a lie!
yum, bundt cake!
posted by gemmy at 6:31 PM on September 8, 2009

Rocky Mountain Oyster Cake.

Tater cakes?
posted by zamboni at 6:33 PM on September 8, 2009

"knee jerk man-hating hazers"
I think that group was formed by Darla when Alfalfa joined the He-Man Woman Haters Club.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 6:51 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

I love cake! WHOIGOTTAHAZE?
posted by EatTheWeak at 7:03 PM on September 8, 2009

You folks put the grease in greasemonkey.
posted by effluvia at 7:11 PM on September 8, 2009

effluvia: "You folks put the grease in greasemonkey."

So what the hell am I doing manning this goddamn monkey grinder?
posted by boo_radley at 7:14 PM on September 8, 2009

So what the hell am I doing manning this goddamn monkey grinder?

Shouldn't that be "womaning this goddamn monkey grinder," Comrade?
posted by jamaro at 7:26 PM on September 8, 2009

I precfer my monkeys coarsely chopped - when ground they lose that lovely texture.
posted by Meatbomb at 7:38 PM on September 8, 2009

But grinding provides more grease.
posted by never used baby shoes at 7:43 PM on September 8, 2009

jamaro: "So what the hell am I doing manning this goddamn monkey grinder?Shouldn't that be "womaning this goddamn monkey grinder," Comrade?"

Not unless you're paying my way to Brazil.
posted by boo_radley at 7:55 PM on September 8, 2009

I tried to find a jpeg of a tank on metafilter and the china police hit me in the soft parts with their feminist clubs cause I didn't LIKE their cult.
posted by nola at 8:16 PM on September 8, 2009

At BIZZARO METAFILTER, the tank is made of candy and kittens and is plastered on every wall, alley, and storefront.
posted by The Whelk at 8:32 PM on September 8, 2009

"knee jerk man-hating hazers"

Oh, man, that was my band in college.

We sucked.
posted by klangklangston at 8:58 PM on September 8, 2009

Besserwisser turned out to be way less crude than I woulda thought.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:58 PM on September 8, 2009

I'm just mad I didn't get to say "Roffledoffle" in the deleted post MeTa from the other day.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:17 PM on September 8, 2009

just remember that a woman needs a man like a coelacanth needs a velocipede
posted by pyramid termite at 9:17 PM on September 8, 2009

How does one go about becoming a member of this man-hating militant feminist hazer cult, whose members are able to flag - but not read! - already-deleted comments?

I'll MeMail you. We have cake!

Sidhedevil, you're a valuable member of the MHMFHC community and we appreciate your enthusiasm in our cause.

A recent comment under your name offered "Bushmills and oatmeal cookies." MHMFHCHQ did not authorize this outreach effort and we cannot promise to reimburse you for your expenses, if any.

You've now offered cake. Again, we appreciate your enthusiasm but your must realize that MHMFHC's resources are limited [click here to donate] and all available resources must go to our core project: developing a rocket to Venus fueled by estrogen and tampons. Please keep that ultimate goal in mind.

Yrs in thankfulness that we don't have those dangly bits,

dogrose
posted by dogrose at 9:23 PM on September 8, 2009

I find this bit of text from peter_meta_kbd's profile somewhat hypocritical in this context:


NCAT: No categorical answer to that. Usually, "Dear MeFi, Please tell me how to do it wrong. Kthxby!" and usually with the idea that the world needs to change, when actually the individual needs to change. (kudos to wfrgms and theravedin tradition - see for instance here or here.)

Dude. Karma. It's generated by your words whether you're typing them to internet strangers or saying them to close confidantes. I don't know if you're a professed Buddhist or just espouse some of the teachings, but take a look at yourself a bit more objectively if you can. We all can be bitter pills, but you're consistently one here. It seems that you think you are very smart and above the fray, but you're down in it and in the mud. Good luck.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:30 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

MeFi's Own Glenn Beck

Funny you should say that.
posted by Glenn Beck at 10:53 PM on September 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

BIZARRO METAFILTER would be delighted to have you.
posted by EatTheWeak at 11:14 PM on September 8, 2009

On BIZARRO METAFILTER, I sleep at night, am awake during the day, and don't get drunk every morning.
posted by little e at 11:28 PM on September 8, 2009

And I'm wearing pants.
posted by little e at 11:29 PM on September 8, 2009

Hey. Wait. If there's a man-hating cult on BIZARRO METAFILTER, does that mean there's a man-loving cult on this Metafilter? Or even a woman-loving cult? Basically what I am saying is I want an invite to the ritualistic orgy.
posted by little e at 11:43 PM on September 8, 2009

Hey, quit it, now you are starting to freak me out.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:44 PM on September 8, 2009

man-hating militant feminist hazer cult

Now I understand. It was a simple typo.

man-hating militant feminist hazer tater cult

All better.
posted by SpiffyRob at 4:38 AM on September 9, 2009

People who object to being moderated seem to tend to think the mods are acting like they know better about what comments are okay and what are not on a moderated site. They seem to find this knowing better thing objectionable.

But sites need moderation because otherwise they turn into a cesspool of unintelligent your mom comments, child porn and other hurtful, avoidable idiocy of different magnitudes randomly distributed into a thread that's trying to be worth a crap.

In cases, like Metafilter, where moderated sites avoid turning into cesspools because moderators moderate, these moderators demonstrably do know better than we individuals who sometimes stray into dangerous and uncharted rhetorical waters.

Even if individual deletions have irritated me personally, I either worked out what I did wrong myself or I had a private or public conversation with a moderator and/or the community. In the case of Metafilter, these conversations have never really made me feel like I couldn't figure out a way to participate that wasn't true to who I am.

The requests moderators and community members (averaged out) made of me with respect to improving my behavior and expression of opinions have never really seemed unreasonable, just what's required to get along and participate in and contribute to the community.

I guess folks who don't think the moderators do know better can move on. But I wouldn't ever ask moderators to stop moderating. I mean if you need an unmoderated community, Welcome to Overchan, and if you want a quality unmoderated community, stick with your family and friends, because any community bigger than that will be an aforementioned cesspool in no time flat. (And honestly, good luck keeping your friends family contributing and staying on track.)

You cannot get a large quality unmoderated community that has this kind of contribution structure without moderation.
posted by kalessin at 6:17 AM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think some of the BiZaRRoNS from the BIZARRO METAVERSE have SEEPED OVER to OUR side. NOW we are an HYBRID of regular METAFILTER and BIZARRO METAFILTER. I LIKE it. There is PIE. COELACANTH PIE, actually.
posted by Mister_A at 7:03 AM on September 9, 2009

Coelacanth pie is a plot device used to distract attention from the main storyline.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:08 AM on September 9, 2009

But sites need moderation because otherwise they turn into a cesspool of unintelligent your mom comments

Nothing worse than an unintelligent your mom comment.

Kalessin's mama is so fat, the gravitational force of attraction between her and the earth is roughly F=Gm²/r², where m = mass of the earth = mass of Kalessin's mom.
posted by electroboy at 7:14 AM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

electroboy's mamma is so fat, the Earth falls toward her at 32 ft/s2
posted by vacapinta at 7:28 AM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

We've got a man-mehing cult. The rituals are honestly sorta dull.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:29 AM on September 9, 2009

Vacapinta's mama is so fat, I can see an Einstein ring from here.
posted by Plutor at 8:33 AM on September 9, 2009

Your momma's so old and fat and ugly she's got her own exhibit at the museum called the Sheilacanth
posted by mattdidthat at 8:50 AM on September 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

Yo momma so old and ugly that strangers who have never seen her are yet aware of her wretched age and appearance.
posted by klangklangston at 9:03 AM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, they use Driedlizard scripts to hide overly favorited comments.
posted by The Whelk at 9:27 AM on September 9, 2009

your momma's so fat she blocks radio signals
posted by pyramid termite at 9:28 AM on September 9, 2009

Yo momma's so dense her brain emits Hawking radiation.
posted by GuyZero at 9:28 AM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Your momma's particles are so strange, she has absolutely no charm.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:35 AM on September 9, 2009

Don't look at me, I just stopped by to drop off the popcorn.
posted by mephron at 9:48 AM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Your mama's so fat, string theorists have hypothesized a fudge and bacon dimension to account for her existence.
posted by electroboy at 10:04 AM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, your mama's so thin she's at the risk for many serious health problems.
posted by The Whelk at 10:11 AM on September 9, 2009

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, we discuss your dad and whether the way he looks, his sex life and his mental capacity reflect poorly on you as a world citizen.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:28 AM on September 9, 2009 [10 favorites]

@ BIZZARO ASKME we encourage those with serious relationship problems to work tirelessly and unceasingly to solve them.

also: EVERYONE READS BIZZARO PROJECTS
posted by Liver at 10:34 AM on September 9, 2009

BIZZARO JOBS is a constant well-spring of hands-on, outdoor jobs across the world.
posted by The Whelk at 10:35 AM on September 9, 2009

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, we also discuss how your behavior reflects poorly on your mother. Which means that BIZZARO METAFILTER is basically your mother's church partyline.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:43 AM on September 9, 2009

@ BIZZARO TWITTER everyone complains that no one uses the @ sign
posted by pyramid termite at 11:00 AM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's true. My momma IS fat.
posted by kalessin at 11:00 AM on September 9, 2009

@ BIZZARO HORMEL people get spammed instead of pigs
posted by pyramid termite at 11:03 AM on September 9, 2009

@@ BIZZARROBIZZARO METATALK your dad is so racist he shines shoes on the street corner and owns a cleaners BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT!
posted by idiopath at 11:09 AM on September 9, 2009

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER my lawn gets off the kids wait that doesn't sound right
posted by not_on_display at 11:16 AM on September 9, 2009 [5 favorites]

"Gets the kids off." Common ESL error, that.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:26 AM on September 9, 2009

@@BIZZARROBIZZARRO METATALK people complain that their posts don't get deleted and seriously compare metafilter to a hypothetical Utopic model democracy where all voices are heard and considered and everyone mockingly responds with mocking your dad jokes "YOUR DAD OPPRESSED AND CENSORED ME! LAST NIGHT! AND HE ATE CRACKERS IN MY BED :("
posted by idiopath at 11:34 AM on September 9, 2009

@Metafilter BIZZARO METAFILTER has unionized 54% of your membership. You will be hearing from our bargaining committee within 14 days.
posted by mrmojoflying at 11:38 AM on September 9, 2009

Jessamyn's dad is so fat he ate my plate of beans.

My mother gave me that plate.
posted by electroboy at 11:51 AM on September 9, 2009

Nuh uh. Your mom gave me that plate.

Or perhaps: your mom gave me that plate.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:56 AM on September 9, 2009

Which plate?
posted by electroboy at 12:07 PM on September 9, 2009

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, your momma is so smart, she could overthink a tectonic plate of beans.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:11 PM on September 9, 2009

Uh... the plate with the power of voodoo?
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:20 PM on September 9, 2009

Uh... the plate with the power of voodoo?

Let's dance! Put on your red shoes and dance the blues.
posted by mrmojoflying at 12:25 PM on September 9, 2009

Voodoo?
posted by electroboy at 12:26 PM on September 9, 2009

who do?
you do?
do what?
remind me of the babe
the babe with power
of voodoo
posted by nomisxid at 12:31 PM on September 9, 2009

canth! coelacanth! (canth, coelacanth)
canth! coelacanth! (canth, coelacanth)
get that plate o' beans off me
talk! meta talk! (talk meta talk)
talk! meta talk! (talk meta talk)
get that plate o' beans off me
there's no cabal that I can see

(No, I will not wear the tights.)
posted by zamboni at 12:31 PM on September 9, 2009

As long as you find another way to hold the mammoth codpiece up, I'm all for it.
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:53 PM on September 9, 2009

This thread is the best way yet devised of saying "suck it, repressive Chinese government!"
posted by Mister_A at 12:55 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Please clarify if the mammoth codpiece is: made from mammoth hide, for an actual mammoth, both, or other. "Yes" is also an acceptable answer.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:55 PM on September 9, 2009

No, no, it's made for zamboni to wear. Or David Bowie, if he shows up. It's just got big wooly ears and tusks.
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:58 PM on September 9, 2009

So you're making a fish out of mammoth hide?
posted by electroboy at 1:27 PM on September 9, 2009

I have placed my coelacanth in coelaphane.
posted by jenkinsEar at 1:29 PM on September 9, 2009

I don't get you people at all.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:50 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

What do you mean "you people"?
posted by electroboy at 1:51 PM on September 9, 2009

By "you people," I mean the lobster wearing lederhosen, and Pat Sajak.
posted by not_on_display at 1:59 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think this thread has jumped the coelacanth.
posted by rtha at 2:03 PM on September 9, 2009

What do you mean "you people"?

What do you mean, "What do you mean 'you people'?"
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:33 PM on September 9, 2009

I nominate this thread as "fourth-weirdest Metatalk thread of 2007-2009."
posted by Mister_A at 2:33 PM on September 9, 2009

⍢
posted by idiopath at 2:38 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

@ BIZZARO METATALK this thread are sidebarred.
posted by GuyZero at 2:41 PM on September 9, 2009

What do you mean, "What do you mean 'you people'?"

Indeed, what do I mean, Sidhedevil?
posted by electroboy at 2:49 PM on September 9, 2009

ᑈ - grar me coelacanth am will eat yuo

no me bizzaro coelacanth am will eat yuo first -ᐵ

⍥ - hey guys wouldn't you rather have manhater cake?

ᑈ - no
no - ᐵ
posted by idiopath at 2:59 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

This is crazy and dumb. This site makes no sense at all. I'm leaving.
posted by The Bizzaro Whelk at 4:49 PM on September 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Is it safe to eat coelacanth in coelaphane after three days? (YLORMV). Dad?
posted by shoesfullofdust at 5:31 PM on September 9, 2009

Yes son?
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:58 PM on September 9, 2009

Wha wha wha what does Regret mean?
posted by idiopath at 6:01 PM on September 9, 2009

Well, son, the funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done.
posted by not_on_display at 6:06 PM on September 9, 2009

By the way, when you see your Mom this weekend, could you tell her....
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:08 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

[¡] [+] 9 ɹǝqɯǝʇdǝs uo ɯd 91:9 ʇɐ ǝuoɥdpuıʍɐlnqǝu ʎq pǝʇsod
ɹǝuoos ɥɔnɯ ǝʞoɾ sıɥʇ ɟo ʇɥƃnoɥʇ ǝuoǝɯos ɹǝʇlıɟɐʇǝɯ oɹɹɐzıq @


There. I feel better now.

I mean, uh, SATAN! That's the ticket. Who was that other guy anyway?
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:11 PM on September 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

SATAN! SATAN! SATAN! SATAN SATAN!
posted by kuujjuarapik at 6:28 PM on September 9, 2009

> By the way, when you see your Mom this weekend, could you tell her....

Jia Junpeng isn't coming to dinner
posted by needled at 6:31 PM on September 9, 2009

_♩^♬♪
posted by idiopath at 6:39 PM on September 9, 2009

BTW, LOL in Chinese is 哈哈。As in Ha Ha.
posted by sleslie at 6:51 PM on September 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

If the Coelophane is coeled the coelocanth is thafe to eat, even after three dayf.
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:00 PM on September 9, 2009

> klang: would this work?

Hot damn. Sure as hell worked for me. Anybody have a greasemonkey script for putting a youtube video on repeat?
posted by tarheelcoxn at 7:05 PM on September 9, 2009

electroboy, mostly I was talking about gypsies, retards, and paddywagons, but you can work in the Dutch too. Too be clear though, I have nothing against fags.

Too soon?

Why do Chinese dictators delete comments like this one?
posted by cjorgensen at 9:47 PM on September 9, 2009

I have no idea what the paddywagons are talking about either. They're all honking and slamming their doors at me, and I'm like, "Speak American, asshole!"
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:17 PM on September 9, 2009

In Bizzaro MetaFilter, mathowie, jessamyn, cortex, pb and vacapinta would have their comments edited by 97,000 other people.

Like a Wiki, I guess. I mean, logistically that's going to be pretty tricky. Timeouts, bannings etc. would be the worst, because I guess you'd have to get consensus. Unless in Bizzaro MeFi (FeMi, perhaps? Not just backwards MeFi - going against the whole boyzone thing. Which perhaps would be called Westlife instead, or something. Who knows. Bonus points if you got the pop culture reference - the deep sense of shame is free.), you don't need consensus. So one person decides on that kind of thing. Which is probably most antithetical of MeFi. A dictator figure. So I guess in Bizzaro (and why two 'z's one 'r'? Because bizarre is spelt the other way? So doubly bizarre? Although perhaps in Bizzaro MeFi, bizarre is spelt bizzare. But then surely the whole Bizzaro nomenclature would want to avoid conformity with the universe it inhabits. So it should be Bizarro, to be different.)...where was I? Oh, yeah, so I guess in Bizzaro MeFi (FeMi! Plug that catchy name!), the dictator figure is mocked as a freedom-loving leader of democracy.

I'm starting to think that the whole Bizzaro concept is full of logical inconsistencies. We might need a retcon.

So how does this relate to China again?
posted by djgh at 10:18 PM on September 9, 2009

I'm starting to think that the whole Bizzaro concept is full of logical inconsistencies. We might need a retcon.

BURN THE WITCH
posted by Burhanistan at 10:24 PM on September 9, 2009

@ BIZZARO MEDIEVAL WORLD we burn ducks, not witches
posted by pyramid termite at 10:32 PM on September 9, 2009

@ BIZZARO MEDIEVAL WORLD we're born with chainsaws for hands and then attach human hands when a chainsaw is severed when we're trying to get free from out non-BIZARRO self.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:35 PM on September 9, 2009

I'm starting to think that the whole Bizzaro concept is full of logical inconsistencies. We might need a retcon.

BURN THE WITCH

Surely in Bizzaro world the mob burns itself? Or is that Communist Russia?
posted by djgh at 10:37 PM on September 9, 2009

Everyone starts out on fire. But then if you're too nice or too popular a mob with pitchforks and buckets gets together and douses you.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:45 PM on September 9, 2009

Yes, but don't ask about what's in those buckets.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:51 PM on September 9, 2009

Or what's in the box.
posted by electroboy at 8:08 AM on September 10, 2009

A dead cat.
posted by The Whelk at 8:31 AM on September 10, 2009

No it's not, it's a live cat.
posted by The Bizzaro Whelk at 8:32 AM on September 10, 2009

BIZZARO Schrodinger is never always indeterminate.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:36 AM on September 10, 2009

BIZARRO me flashes the thread
posted by not_on_display at 9:22 AM on September 10, 2009

BIZZARO schrodinger is in the box and ceiling cat is looking down at him
posted by pyramid termite at 10:15 AM on September 10, 2009

one z two r's one z two r's jesus christ one z two r's
posted by gleuschk at 11:27 AM on September 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

BIZZARO Pedant wears a pendant.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:34 AM on September 10, 2009

Pizzaro MeFi conquers your indigenous inhabitants.
posted by zamboni at 11:43 AM on September 10, 2009

In Bizzaro Mehtafiltur, speling natsies encourige a returne to the lawlesse daes of yore.
posted by Plutor at 11:52 AM on September 10, 2009

In BIZZARO MeatFilter, no one likes bacon.
posted by notashroom at 11:57 AM on September 10, 2009

one z two r's one z two r's jesus christ one z two r's

Jesuz Chrrist? No, that looks wrong.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:22 PM on September 10, 2009

zrr
posted by idiopath at 1:27 PM on September 10, 2009

Zorro!
posted by Mister_A at 2:16 PM on September 10, 2009

In BiZorro Metafilter, we have aplomb and derring-do, mis amigos! And we wear outfits that are... how you say? ¡Fantastico!
posted by Mister_A at 2:17 PM on September 10, 2009

¡Fantastico!

No, in Bizzaro MeFi, no one uses a Mac. D'uh. We all loves us some Vista. Mmm, crashy.
posted by djgh at 2:21 PM on September 10, 2009

Señor, I have a coelacanth... en mis pantalones!
posted by Mister_A at 2:29 PM on September 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Where's my plomb? Nobody gave me a plomb.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:53 PM on September 10, 2009

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, I am the dread pirate roberts.
posted by The Whelk at 3:03 PM on September 10, 2009

No I'm not.
posted by The Bizzaro Whelk at 3:51 PM on September 10, 2009

Anybody want a peanut?
posted by not_on_display at 4:01 PM on September 10, 2009

In BIZZARO Mehtfilturrr, offering someone pie is a deadly insult.
posted by rtha at 4:01 PM on September 10, 2009

En el MetaFilter BiZorro, no hay problemas ni dramas.
posted by Mister_A at 4:03 PM on September 10, 2009

In BiZorro Metafilter, we have aplomb and derring-do, mis amigos! And we wear outfits that are... how you say? ¡Fantastico!

This sounds like a job for Zorro, The Gay Blade!
posted by zamboni at 5:14 PM on September 10, 2009

¡Fantastico!

No, in Bizzaro MeFi, no one uses a Mac. D'uh. We all loves us some Vista. Mmm, crashy.

The explanation for this comment is that I misread the upside-down exclamation mark as a lowercase "i".

Carry on.
posted by djgh at 5:51 PM on September 10, 2009

@ BIZZARO METAFILTER, I am not trying to find names for my various alcoholic potions.
posted by The Whelk at 5:56 PM on September 10, 2009

idiopath:
"ᑈ - grar me coelacanth am will eat yuo

no me bizzaro coelacanth am will eat yuo first -ᐵ

⍥ - hey guys wouldn't you rather have manhater cake?

ᑈ - no
no - ᐵ"

The explanation for this comment is that sometimes I think of things that are much more nonsensical than funny or even worth looking at, and if a metatalk thread is long enough, I pretty much figure "screw it, might as well post it anyway".
posted by idiopath at 5:57 PM on September 10, 2009

@ BIZZARO ASK METAFILTER, people ask about the worst songs you've ever heard, while at BIZZARO METATALK they complain that these questions aren't chatty enough.
posted by The Whelk at 6:05 PM on September 10, 2009

389 comments total?

The deletions here are so regular it's like using the internet from China.
posted by R. Mutt at 7:14 PM on September 10, 2009

I thought your comment was spot-on, idiopath. Check your favorites, I put a special ♥ in there.
posted by Mister_A at 6:41 AM on September 11, 2009