Don't men enjoy different things than women November 17, 2010 7:49 AM   Subscribe

Why is a gift list for men too chatty?

I was astonished to discover how many of the men would select an experience rather than stuff! And I was even more nonplussed that many of the men considered the most ordinary things really good gifts.

Did you even read any of the answers? the post?

I wasn't asking where to shop-- I was asking for ideas.
posted by AuntieRuth to Etiquette/Policy at 7:49 AM (199 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Link.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:51 AM on November 17, 2010


Yes I know where it is. I want to know why it's chatty. don't new gifts come out every year?

Aren't there new items that men covet more than others?
posted by AuntieRuth at 7:52 AM on November 17, 2010


My whole point is that "stuff for men" is way too broad. Are you looking for stuff for a specific man, about whom you can tell askme some things so folks can provide targeted answers? Are you trying to understand some specific aspect of male-centric gift-giving, and if so what? Etc. Barring that, it's chatfilter.

Again, gifty threads are (like a lot of other things that are pretty chatfiltery) easy and fun for people to jump into, not least because literally any form of "i am a man and I would like this" is as valid as any other. But them being fun doesn't make them automatically a good fit for askme, and we routinely delete most things of this sort for that reason.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:53 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Yes I know where it is.

Including a link to a thread you want to discuss is generally considered good manners, so that other people can have some context.
posted by backseatpilot at 7:54 AM on November 17, 2010 [37 favorites]


What cortex said. Is there a specific man you're shopping for? If so, we need details. Otherwise this is just a "let's talk about this topic" with no problem to be solved.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:55 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


I thought it was really useful. Too bad.
posted by Kwine at 7:57 AM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


Am I the only one who needs to buy gifts for Men?

I thought this would question would produce a broad number of ideas for everyone --not just a brain surgeon who likes dogs and surfboards, or a computer geek who only likes computer games and electronic wizardry.
posted by AuntieRuth at 7:58 AM on November 17, 2010


Threads where everyone pretty much lists their favorite thing are generally chat filter.
posted by bondcliff at 8:00 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'll have it reopened if you promise to buy everyone who answers whatever it is that they ask for.
posted by Grither at 8:01 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


I thought this would question would produce a broad number of ideas for everyone --not just a brain surgeon who likes dogs and surfboards, or a computer geek who only likes computer games and electronic wizardry.

Except that's not really what AskMe is for. Did you check out the FAQ link in Cortex's deletion reason? That should help.

Yes I know where it is. I want to know why it's chatty.

You might also want to hang around the site for a while to get the hang of things in general.
posted by katillathehun at 8:02 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


I liked it too. Without asking about a "specific kind of man" the readers can apply the general lists to all the men in their life. I found it a neat questions and was keeping an eye on it. Mr. Pearlybob is tough to buy for!
posted by pearlybob at 8:02 AM on November 17, 2010


You might also want to hang around the site for a while to get the hang of things in general.
She's been a member since 2007 and posted 8 questions + 81 answers on AskMeFi. I think she's hung around the site for a while.
posted by knile at 8:04 AM on November 17, 2010 [7 favorites]


I was thinking that I'd just name the things I'd like, and then, if the men in your life didn't want a pair of WTB Dissents or a boutique headphone amp or a corny keg or a vaporizer or whatever, they could just give those things to me.
posted by box at 8:04 AM on November 17, 2010 [7 favorites]


broad number of ideas for everyone

This is the very definition of chatfilter.

AskMe is way too chatty these days.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 8:04 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


"Ask MetaFilter questions should have a purpose or a problem to be solved."

What is the problem to be solved here? If you wanted to know what to get your 65-year-old father/40-year-old husband/15-year-old son, you should have said so. As posed, there is no problem to be solved here.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:06 AM on November 17, 2010


She's been a member since 2007 and posted 8 questions + 81 answers on AskMeFi. I think she's hung around the site for a while.

Yet she doesn't understand chatfilter or why someone would link to the deleted thread for context. The emphasis was on the hanging around part.
posted by katillathehun at 8:06 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


This reminded me of David Sedaris' old bit about how his dad scolded his sisters that they'd "never find a man", as though men were some rare commodity that grew under oak trees in deep, dark forests.

Men are 50% of the population. "What do men like to receive?" is not a lot different than "What do men like to eat?"... which is to say, way too broad for Ask. I've lived with men since I was seventeen, and my answers could range from "a KitchenAid mixer" to "a massage" to "a Mossberg shotgun with the serial numbers machined off".
posted by julthumbscrew at 8:07 AM on November 17, 2010 [29 favorites]


"a Mossberg shotgun with the serial numbers machined off".

Looking forward to this answer in the next "What do I need to improve my relationship?" ask.me.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:11 AM on November 17, 2010 [10 favorites]


From FAQ: Questions where everyone's answer is equally valid along the lines of "What's your favorite X?". Maybe there is a reason you want to know? Super, just put it in your question.

How Ridiculous! I wasn't asking "what everyone's favorite thing is".

I was asking what men would consider a Great Christmas gift this year. You Know NEW IDEAS and PRODUCTS FOR MEN!

One guy actually posted a belt that has tools on it... I didn't even know so a thing existed.
posted by AuntieRuth at 8:14 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


"a Mossberg shotgun with the serial numbers machined off".

Finally, we get to some topics where I am a fucking viking.
posted by quin at 8:17 AM on November 17, 2010 [7 favorites]


I was asking what men would consider a Great Christmas gift this year. You Know NEW IDEAS and PRODUCTS FOR MEN!

Just curious: are you writing some list-y article for a content farm?
posted by neroli at 8:18 AM on November 17, 2010 [8 favorites]


If you had phrased the question as "What gifts can I buy that almost any man is likely to appreciate, even if I know nothing about his likes and tastes?" then it probably wouldn't have been deleted. It also would have been a lot harder to answer.
posted by 256 at 8:18 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


This could have used a bit of focus in phrasing, but otherwise it's perfectly reasonable. The question pretty clearly implies the problem, that the OP will be buying a gift for a man, and wants perspective on what he might like as a man (versus as a 40-year old, as a veterinarian, as a Mets fan, whatever).

It's pretty clear that there is a gendered preference in the responses, mostly revolving around blades and liquor. Surely these won't be appropriate for all men, but odds are giving a bottle of high-quality bourbon to a man will go over very well, where giving it to a woman, um, probably won't.

my answers could range from "a KitchenAid mixer" to "a massage" to "a Mossberg shotgun with the serial numbers machined off".

See, you're on the right track! I'd take any of the above before yet another sweater. (I just got yelled at by my girlfriend for buying myself sweaters before Christmas. (But it's cold now!)). I could have just left that thread accidentally open on the computer...
posted by a young man in spats at 8:20 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would like somebody to buy me that Bob Dylan mono vinyl reissue box set.

But some other dude only wants the original printings, and some other dude doesn't have a record player, and some other dude doesn't like Bob Dylan.
posted by box at 8:21 AM on November 17, 2010


No I am not writing a list-y article.

I have a number of men for whom I would like to get good, or interesting or exciting or stimulating or useful gifts for. I wanted to know what MEN CONSIDER A GREAT GIFT!

I can go to JC PENNEY or Sears if I want to buy the ordinary, mindless crap you get every year.
posted by AuntieRuth at 8:21 AM on November 17, 2010


The last gift I really wanted was the 1970 Guide Gourmand de la France. My wife bought it for me and I was very happy. That's unlikely to be what most men want, or even people in general.
posted by vacapinta at 8:23 AM on November 17, 2010


Surely these won't be appropriate for all men, but odds are giving a bottle of high-quality bourbon to a man will go over very well, where giving it to a woman, um, probably won't.

You know different women than I do. She might as well have asked, "You're a person! What do you want for Christmas?" It's too broad, it's unanswerable, and it's just an excuse for people to chat about what they want for Christmas.
posted by Mavri at 8:24 AM on November 17, 2010 [11 favorites]


I wanted to know what MEN CONSIDER A GREAT GIFT!

You realize they don't think as a unit, right? That each man is an individual with his own tastes and desires that could not possibly be fully addressed by a question that lumps all men together into one pot? And that general "Tell me what you think about this" questions really aren't what AskMeta is for?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:24 AM on November 17, 2010 [21 favorites]


AuntieRuth, it is customary in Metatalk to post a link to a deleted post if you are starting a Metatalk thread about it. You might not be aware of this--perhaps you spend most of your time on the Blue or the Green?

I think if you had been more specific--"I have several men on my Christmas list and no idea what to get them. Men of Mefi, what would be the perfect gift for someone to give you?" is slightly closer to the "problem needing to be solved" guidelines.

It's the difference between, say, "Help me figure out what my partner wants from me," and "What do women/men want in a partner?"
posted by misha at 8:24 AM on November 17, 2010


There is no one thing that MEN CONSIDER A GREAT GIFT. Some men will love one thing, others will hate it. Actually, some women might like that same gift, too! It's a crazy world we live in.
posted by Grither at 8:25 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


This isn't AuntieRuth's first hayride, you guys.
posted by Gator at 8:25 AM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


I was asking what men would consider a Great Christmas gift this year. You Know NEW IDEAS and PRODUCTS FOR MEN!

But I'm a man, and I don't want any of those things. (Well, aside from the socks and the Calvin & Hobbes, but those are gifts for the sensible and good-tasted, gender has nothing to do with it.)

Your question is far too general and chatty. Your MeTa's kind of snotty, too.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:26 AM on November 17, 2010


versus as a 40-year old, as a veterinarian, as a Mets fan, whatever).

Don't you think people are smart enough to select METS stuff for a METS fan?
posted by AuntieRuth at 8:26 AM on November 17, 2010


I am a man and I don't want anything in that list;* QED.

* I already have an iPad
posted by camcgee at 8:27 AM on November 17, 2010


They call us the b♂rg.
posted by joost de vries at 8:27 AM on November 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


One guy actually posted a belt that has tools on it... I didn't even know so a thing existed.

But, see, I'd really like that, and I'm not a man. That isn't a gift "for men"; it's a gift for for tool aficionados.

Similarly, a fancy bar of chocolate isn't a gift for "men" or for "women," but for chocolate-lovers. A book of Napoleonic history isn't a gift for "men" or for "women," but for a specific subset of readers. A nice plain overnight bag isn't a gift for "men" or for "women," but for travelers with simple, classic taste.

This question is too broad because the taste of men is so broad a category and question as to be unanswerable. "Men" is not a monolithic entity.
posted by Elsa at 8:28 AM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


Auntie, are you feeling ok? You seem a bit fighty this morning, you want me to pour you some "medicine"?
posted by nomadicink at 8:28 AM on November 17, 2010


Don't you think people are smart enough to select METS stuff for a METS fan?

Jeepers. AYMIS is on your side, AuntieRuth.
posted by katillathehun at 8:29 AM on November 17, 2010


"Why is this chatfilter" questions will never go away.

"Chatfilter" has a huge gray area in between the totally obvious ("who else wants to talk about how awesome poodles are?") and the clearly inapplicable ("where can I purchase a replacement #17 wingnut for my Very Expensive Office Chair?"). I can't recall if I've had any questions deleted for chatfilter but I've certainly seen questions I liked and wanted to continue deleted, and at times disagreed with the chatfilter designation.

I personally don't complain about specifics because it's clear to me that there is a justification for chatfilter designations in general - and though it is not generally said in so many words I feel like it boils down to "if they gave us an inch we'd take a mile." The AskMe front page moves fast to the point of reducing its utility - it would be nice if questions stayed on the front page at least a whole day to hit all the time zones, but that just doesn't happen any more - if the standards of chatfilter got laxer it would soon be flooded with chatty questions from bored people just looking to shoot the bull. The relatively strict policy on chatfilter reduces the inclination to float borderline questions to see if they'll sneak through.

I don't complain about the fact that the filtering of chat often seems inconsistent because there are only 4 moderators and these things are unavoidable often judgment calls.

But individuals will continue to think not about how chatfilter deleting benefits the site in general but about the merits of their own individual question, and so the issues of whether it was useful or was the discussion going well. There is not much appeal in the idea that a question was deleted as part of a general preventive policy designed to head of a potential problem in the future, even though individually a question was not going to cause any immediate trouble for the site.
posted by nanojath at 8:31 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Come on guys. Let's practice our scary unison chanting for beer.
posted by joost de vries at 8:31 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


While I think the original question could have been tightened up to prevent the chatfilter that ensued, I do also note that the respondents seemed to fail to answer the question as prompted.

If this is the gist of the question, perhaps it could be rephrased as "I have to shop for [husband/son/colleague] who is/are difficult to shop for. Can you recommend any new gadgets that are "cool" this year and cost under $50? Bonus points for handy things for a toolbox or a car. Internet is great, but it has to be delivered by 12/18 because we're going on a trip."

AskMe is very much a GIGO medium. Work backwards from the output, and one can usually find the problem.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 8:31 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Someone suggested cigars. This is incorrect. I'm a man and I don't like cigars. Therefore, cigars are not a good gift for a man.

I like to cook with sea salt. Sea salt is a great gift for a man. You should buy sea salt for the men in your life. I like sea salt. Therefore, sea salt is a good gift for all men.
posted by bondcliff at 8:33 AM on November 17, 2010 [7 favorites]


I would adore a bottle of high-quality bourbon...
posted by restless_nomad at 8:33 AM on November 17, 2010


I have issues with the sea salt.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:33 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


I have issues with the sea salt.

You must not be a man.
posted by bondcliff at 8:34 AM on November 17, 2010 [8 favorites]


AM TOO
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:35 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


If you were actually asking "what are some new products in the Christmas gift catalogues for men this 2010 xmas season" that's different. That didn't really come across in the wording. But yes, it is very typical for stores to list gifts by gender around this time of year. ("Gifts for him!" "Gifts for her!") And you know, birthday cards are gendered. Toys are gendered. Gift-giving in general is heavily gendered in advertising. So I think AuntieRuth maybe should get a little more benefit of the doubt, if the question just got worded in weird way.
posted by Nixy at 8:35 AM on November 17, 2010


Last chance...one man told me about Merkur razors. Another said he would like an experience.

another showed me the tool belt.

there might have been more neat things that are masculine in appeal but it was cut off...and now I am relegated to discussing the differences between men and women who aren't.

And I know calling someone crazy is the new way to demean and diminish another person's thoughts and ideas.

But men and women are Different and no one I know is pinheaded enough to not make that intellectual leap of seeing something in that list that they could buy for anyone.
posted by AuntieRuth at 8:37 AM on November 17, 2010


I have a number of men for whom I would like to get good, or interesting or exciting or stimulating or useful gifts for. You Know NEW IDEAS and PRODUCTS FOR MEN!

In my experience, any gifts I've received that really struck me as interesting, exciting or stimulating were interesting, exciting and stimulating because the gift-giver had taken time to consider my interests as an individual and shown care in selecting something completely appropriate for me.
"Specific for the person" kind of goes hand-in-hand with "great gift."
posted by chococat at 8:38 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


We are entering the time of year when every third question is about gifts, so the bar is set a little higher. Try harder!
posted by hermitosis at 8:39 AM on November 17, 2010


beer
posted by joost de vries at 8:41 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


one man told me about Merkur razors. Another said he would like an experience.

another showed me the tool belt.


I'm a man and I like erotic fiction and I think this is a very promising start.
posted by neroli at 8:41 AM on November 17, 2010 [23 favorites]


How Ridiculous!

With all due respect, you don't have to agree with the guidelines, but it would be nice if we felt that we were both approaching this from the same perspective.

AskMe has rules that keep people from asking overgeneral "just wondering" sorts of questions, the type where everyone can give an answer and every answer is as good as any other because there's no actual problem to be solved. You may have had a problem in mind when you wrote the question -- from reading this it seems that it's something like "I buy gifts for men every year and I'm running out of ideas for the same old things. Are there new gifts that men might like that I might not be aware of that cost between $X and $Y?" -- but people didn't see that.

So, we've got a long time before the holidays, maybe you can reformulate this in a way that actually helps get at the problem you are trying to solve. If all you want to do is generate a laundry list of "things men like" this may not be the place to do it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:41 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


What do girls like?

Socks and fluffy things!
posted by smackfu at 8:42 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Last chance...one man told me about Merkur razors. Another said he would like an experience.

20 bucks, same as in town!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 8:42 AM on November 17, 2010


no one I know is pinheaded enough to not make that intellectual leap of seeing something in that list that they could buy for anyone.

This thread will also go better if you stop folding random insults in with your requests for clarification and explanation.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:42 AM on November 17, 2010 [15 favorites]


I'm imagining how that same question would've gone were it posted by a man about women, but I like those post-apocalyptic dystopian movies.
posted by katillathehun at 8:43 AM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


Don't men enjoy different things than women

This is really the key to your question. In my experience, this is not really the case. I know a few men who identify with traditionally manly roles, and may enjoy things that are traditionally male oriented, but then I know women who identify with more masculine roles too, and I also know women who just happen to like things that fall under that umbrella, without having to identify that way. (I mean, take the liquor thing - I don't know too many people who I'd consider buying booze for as a gift, but of those I do, I think it's pretty evenly split between men and women...)

In the end, I think you've just ruffled some feathers by assuming unquestioningly that gender is so central to a person's interests. For plenty of people, it really isn't, and for some, it may be in an unexpected or partial way, so to just presume "men are A, women are not-A" (where A is "interested in this list of gifts") seems weird.
posted by mdn at 8:45 AM on November 17, 2010 [5 favorites]


odds are giving a bottle of high-quality bourbon to a man will go over very well, where giving it to a woman, um, probably won't.

Hoo boy, you haven't met my friends Ingrid and Greta. I'm not a huge bourbon fan, myself, but if you gave me a sparkly purse instead of a bottle of single-malt scotch because I'm a woman, I'd be annoyed. And I'd regift the scarf.

My friend Chuck would not like the same kind of gift that I'd give my friend Ryan (unless I gave them tickets to a San Francisco Giants game).

Or, what everyone else is saying: "Men" is not a monolithic group.

And on preview: AuntieRuth, if this is getting you this irritated, maybe take a walk or something.
posted by rtha at 8:45 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


jessamyn: "This thread will also go better if you stop folding random insults in with your requests for clarification and explanation."

But keep the CAPS LOCK. I sometimes have trouble reading, and this way I don't need to squint to see your really important points, AuntieRuth.
posted by Grither at 8:46 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


AuntieRuth: "I was astonished to discover how many of the men would select an experience rather than stuff! And I was even more nonplussed that many of the men considered the most ordinary things really good gifts."

I suspect this doesn't have much to do with men. Those are pretty common suggestions in gift threads.
posted by yaymukund at 8:48 AM on November 17, 2010


no one I know is pinheaded enough to not make that intellectual leap of seeing something in that list that they could buy for anyone.

And also, this is the exact point. These are gifts for anyone, because men are not an indistinguishable mass of testosterone. I would sooner die than wear a belt made of tools. Moreover, the suggestion of giving "an experience" is not really responsive to your request for this year's cool gadget and moderate cost. You will get much better results with concrete criteria about what you want, where you want to get it, how much you will spend, and the interests of the recipient.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 8:48 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


there might have been more neat things that are masculine in appeal but it was cut off

Then you might have worded the question: "Please provide suggestions for Chistmas gifts for men with traditional, masculine interests. I would love to hear about things like tools belts, guns, razors, et cetera."

It would also have been helpful if you had provided an age range.
posted by mlis at 8:53 AM on November 17, 2010


"This thread will also go better if you stop folding random insults in with your requests for clarification and explanation."[

Auntie, are you feeling ok? You seem a bit fighty this morning, you want me to pour you some "medicine"?]


Isn't this a random insult? Why didn't point that out?
posted by AuntieRuth at 8:53 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


No, it doesn't seem random to me.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 8:55 AM on November 17, 2010 [14 favorites]


Man A wants a Beatles box set
Man B wants a book about modernist art
Man C wants a new coffee machine
Man D wants some new sex toys.

Do you see the problem? Asking "what do men want for Christmas this year?" is as pointless as asking "what do black people want for Christmas this year?"

Maybe with some more context -- ie, "I'm shopping for a dude who has x, y, z, and likes things like a, b, and c, what do you think he might like for Christmas?" -- it would've been a fine question, but as it stands, I totally agree with the deletion.
posted by modernnomad at 8:58 AM on November 17, 2010


I am a Mets fan, and I would appreciate a bottle of bourbon every Christmas, where "Christmas" means "when it becomes clear that we've pissed away yet another season." I hear that Basil Hayden's pairs well with the taste of abject suffering. Thank you!
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 8:59 AM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


On Bourbon, I got a bottle of Woodford Reserve for my birthday this year and it was delicious.
posted by chococat at 9:00 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Isn't this a random insult?

It is, and it's annoying, and it'd be better if nomadicink hadn't said it, just like it'd be better if you refrained from the insulting crap yourself. That said, you are the person who started this thread, and you've put yourself in a driver's seat position where how you approach the thread as it develops is gonna matter a lot. That someone else's behavior was annoying does not give you a free pass to do the same.

We've tried to convey how the chatfilter guideline comes into this, why your question as stated was problematic, and how you might refine it if you want to ask something in the coming weeks that gets more to an answerable core of a question fit for askme (or why if there is no refinement that really fits your intent, you may need to look elsewhere to get this one answered). If something is still unclear or you have another aspect of this you want to talk about, feel free to clarify or elaborate, but just arguing with other people for not liking this metatalk post isn't really gonna get any of us anywhere.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:04 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


AuntieRuth, people are only responding to what you are putting out there. Including this ridiculous thread.

Sometimes questions get deleted. Sometimes people get testy in MetaTalk. Might want to ask for a thicker skin for Christmas.
posted by hermitosis at 9:06 AM on November 17, 2010


AkzidenzGrotesk: I am a Mets fan, and I would appreciate a bottle of bourbon every Christmas, where "Christmas" means "when it becomes clear that we've pissed away yet another season."

Does May 15 work for you?

/Phillies fan.
posted by moviehawk at 9:08 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


On Bourbon,

I've mostly moved to rye at this point, but a few years ago I dedicated some time to trying to find the best bourbon out there regardless of price. I was surprised to discover that Bulleit and Rebel Reserve were both remarkably good on the low cost side of things and Woodford was a pretty clear winner on the higher end side.

Wild Turkey, on the other hand, was a runaway loser. Avoid at any cost if possible.
posted by quin at 9:09 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


OK, off to buy scented candles and bath products for all the men I need gifts for.
posted by a young man in spats at 9:12 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


I thought the question in question was fairly specific in its use of the term 'gentleman'... which was probably why there were so many responses involving whisky, whiskey, writing implements, and nice shaving equipment. I can see the argument for chatfilter, but I also think that 256 is right: had the question been worded differently with a few more criteria, it would probably have been OK.
posted by usonian at 9:14 AM on November 17, 2010


Yes I know where it is.

Yes, but you're not the only person reading the thread.
posted by John Cohen at 9:18 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Y'know, it seems like 90% of "why did I get deleted?!" threads wouldn't exist if - prior to posting them - the delete-ees walked over to the nearest mirror, stared into it and spent five or ten minutes repeating, "Metafilter does not owe me anything. Metafilter does not owe me anything. Metafilter does not owe me anything..."
posted by julthumbscrew at 9:18 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


OK, off to buy scented candles and bath products for all the men I need gifts for.

I'm going to get them two tickets to that thing they love.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 9:22 AM on November 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


OK, off to buy scented candles and bath products for all the men I need gifts for.
Dear AskMe: What should I get someone who has poor reading comprehension skills?
posted by rtha at 9:23 AM on November 17, 2010


I'm a man! Here's my Christmas list, feel free to get anything off of it for me:

-bench grinder
-two tickets to a Broadway play
-new pair of black dress shoes, size 9
-a pair of end tables for the couch, preferably vintage and walnut in color. Real wood, please.
-immersion blender

(I hope the girlfriend reads this...)
posted by backseatpilot at 9:23 AM on November 17, 2010


Oh, all right then: Snips and snails and puppy dog tails.

Oh, and girls like sugar and spice and everything nice.
posted by misha at 9:26 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Isn't this a random insult?

Eh, it was more humor than insult. You do seem fighty for no really good reason in my opinion.

I think it goes back to your central question "Don't men enjoy different things than women" and the answer it 'No' but sometimes 'Yes' depending on the individuals and the social circle you're asking. Making this assumption on Mefi was probably bound to to stir up something as there's a lot of overlap between so called normal gender activities among Mefites.

This may not match your particular social circle and that's fine, but just be aware of the general personality of the site and focus the question a bit more and you'll be fine.
posted by nomadicink at 9:32 AM on November 17, 2010


We men like size 12 shoes, shirts with size 7 sleeve length, trousers size 34-36 and hat size 7 3/4. And liquorice.
And gifts to us should be mailed right about now to arrive in time since the postal delivery in NL are on strike right now.
posted by joost de vries at 9:34 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


The most awesome, thoughtful and useful present I have received in the last 5 or so years was an insulated lunch box. (I'm a guy)
posted by marxchivist at 9:35 AM on November 17, 2010


And also, this is the exact point. These are gifts for anyone, because men are not an indistinguishable mass of testosterone. I would sooner die than wear a belt made of tools. Moreover, the suggestion of giving "an experience" is not really responsive to your request for this year's cool gadget and moderate cost. You will get much better results with concrete criteria about what you want, where you want to get it, how much you will spend, and the interests of the recipient.

As someone who was regularly made fun of in high school for not living up to very many of the stereotypical ideals of manhood espoused by my peers, I understand that everyone is a special snowflake and that all groups have outliers. However, I don't believe you if you say that you don't have an idea about what a gift for a generic man is, and while it may (or may not) have been a better question for the asker's purpose with additional details, it wouldn't have been for me or for the community. I have to buy some gifts for men every year and I want everyone's collective ideas about gifts for a man to sort of wash over me just so that I can get started thinking about the issue, so that I can think well Uncle Steve doesn't like bourbon but my boss does, and my wife's (female) cousin might like some vintage vinyl, and that tool belt is sweet and I'm putting it on my gift list. And that's what I did and now I have the beginnings of some gift ideas.

It is correct that a good gift for a man is a wallet. The fact that it is not universally correct doesn't mean that it isn't generally correct. This correctness does not imply the correctness or incorrectness of any associated political or social stance.
posted by Kwine at 9:36 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


I was asking what men would consider a Great Christmas gift this year. You Know NEW IDEAS and PRODUCTS FOR MEN!

Actually, that is not what you asked. You didn't mention anything about the products being "new." Now that the question has been deleted, you're saying "You Know..." as if we were supposed to understand this all along, but we had know way of knowing that's what you meant.

Something to keep in mind: people often write their AskMe questions as if they were talking to a friend or family member. This is a problem. If I ask someone in my family, "What do you think I should get Chris for Christmas?," they know exactly what I'm asking about. But if I post to AskMetafilter and ask, "I need to get a Christmas present for a man; what should I get?," there's no context for them to give an answer. I would need to say, "What should I get for my 27-year-old brother who likes X, Y, and Z?"

It's not that we disagree with you that men and women are "Different." Sure they are — in general. But to lump all of them together with no individual details isn't useful.

People tend to assume other people are like them — unless specified otherwise. So, if you ask, "What's a great gift for a 29-year-old man who loves baseball and tools?," that's getting closer to a good question. But if you ask, "What's a great gift for a 29-year-old man?," I'm naturally going to think, "Well, I'm a 29-year-old man, so this other 29-year-old man will like what I like." I love vegetarian cooking and classical music and stylish clothing. And I hate sports and tools. So I'm going to recommend gifts that have to do with vegetarian cooking and classical music and clothes, having no idea that this may be useless advice for the particular man you care about. Yes it is possible that someone will recommend the perfect gift by chance (the utility belt you wouldn't have otherwise thought of), but when the question has no details, you're going to get far fewer of these answers than if you included details.

When you're asking other people to help you, especially when they're doing it for free, you'll want to help them as much as possible by giving a clear explanation of what you want.
posted by John Cohen at 9:37 AM on November 17, 2010 [5 favorites]


"Am I the only one who needs to buy gifts for Men?"

You're buying a gift for all men? You've got the goodwill, and can forget peace on earth. We'd all like cash.
posted by klangklangston at 9:41 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


And around my house, we call this a "I just want internet for my business," after the great series of TimeWarner ads featuring a befuddled executive (wearing suspenders no less).
posted by klangklangston at 9:42 AM on November 17, 2010


I find the random capitalization--not the caps lock, just the capitalization--of random words really disorienting.
posted by Phire at 9:42 AM on November 17, 2010


Buy him a banjo.

Just updated the wiki because I realized I couldn't remember the origin of this annoying little RelationshipFilter glob fly and had to go searching for it.
posted by Gator at 9:50 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


My girlfriend and I totally take credit for kickstarting the rye craze. About eight years ago, when we started dating, an old musty liquor store near her was closing, so they were selling off all this booze that had been around forever. We bought some rye, had our minds BLOWN and then couldn't find any more anywhere around. So we made it our mission to ask for rye in every bar and liquor store we went to (and we went to a bunch because we're like that). We also talked it up to everyone we knew, and made fantastic drinks for everyone. We were like the apostles of rye. (I even kinda over-plugged it on AskMe).

At first, we could only consistently find the Jim Beam, which is OK. Now most quality liquor stores have five or six types, at least around here, and the stop-and-robs are starting to carry it.

If you'd like to thank us, we happily accept gifts of rye whiskey.
posted by klangklangston at 9:55 AM on November 17, 2010


Because calling it chatfilter is kinder than calling it lazy.
posted by theora55 at 9:56 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


OK, off to buy scented candles and bath products for all the men I need gifts for.

No one is denying that crappy, thoughtless gifts for women look different from crappy, thoughtless gifts for men. What people are denying is that you can get a thoughtful gift for someone based solely on their gender.
posted by 23skidoo at 9:56 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Well, I do know what boys like. Cat moves and candy, apparently.
posted by klangklangston at 9:57 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


We get into regular heated discussions about gift-ask.me questions at our meet-ups or, er, a couple of us have had a mild disagreement about this topic at more than one meet-up I think every single what-is-a-good-gift-for-some-person-that-only-the-asker-knows is chatfilter and should be deleted. if you don't know what the person likes, what they already have, what they are allergic to, what they don't need, how the fuck do a bunch of people who've never met that person have the slightest idea what's a good gift? I think they are all chatty and useless. Others disagree.

However, at least those other gift questions have the benefit of parameters within which some answers are clearly wrong. This question had no parameters at all. No particular occasion, no particular price point, no age range for the recipient. It was just chatfilter, above and beyond all the other "hey, lets speculate about things that maybe some person we hardly know anything at all about might not mind getting as a gift."
posted by crush-onastick at 9:57 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


If I gave my husband a puppy dog tail he'd run screaming from me and probably want a divorce because it'd mean I was the sort of person who'd dismember a puppy--worse than Hitler to him.

I'd take the spice, but no sugar; I'm anti-sugar right now.

The comment about Bulleit being great for the price and moving on to rye lately is spot on; I'm in the thick of the exact same progression.
posted by ifjuly at 9:59 AM on November 17, 2010


Also, I want bourbon for Christmas. And Scotch too. Maybe a couple Irishes, while you're at it. And I have never been one of them there MEN.
posted by crush-onastick at 10:03 AM on November 17, 2010


My exhaustive research, using a sample set of one (me), indicates that for Christmas this year every man would prefer to receive SmartWool socks, this French press, and this map.
posted by Balonious Assault at 10:08 AM on November 17, 2010


I have a number of men for whom I would like to get good, or interesting or exciting or stimulating or useful gifts for. I wanted to know what MEN CONSIDER A GREAT GIFT!

Fine. I am a man, and I will give you ABSOLUTE AND DEFINITIVE ANSWERS about what men consider a great gift.

Do not get them a fancy pen and paper, even if others have suggested them. I AM A MAN, and I have no interest in them.

Do not get them scotch, even if others have suggested it. I AM A MAN, and I detest scotch, and hard liquor more generally.

Do not get them cigars, even if others have suggested them. I AM A MAN, and I can tell you AS A MAN that cigars are nasty.

Do not get them a bow tie, even if others have suggested them. I AM A MAN, and I do not ever wear a tie of any sort unless I am socially forced to.

I AM A MAN, and I say that you should get them a copy of Andrew Gelman's Teaching Statistics: A Bag of Tricks. I AM A MAN, AND ALL MEN WOULD LOVE THIS. DISBELIEVE ANY WHO SAY OTHERWISE.*

I AM A MAN, and I say that you should get them each a Klein bottle (or at least a 3-dimensional model of one), or perhaps even a Klein-bottle tuque. ALL MEN WOULD LOVE THIS AND WOULD IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZE IT ON SIGHT. ANY WHO SAY OTHERWISE ARE LYING.

More broadly, I am a man, and was a boy, who was disinterested in many things that are stereotypically male things. And I offer my direct personal assurance that receiving a male-thing that you're supposed to love but actually have no interest in ends up sending this unintended message:

FUCK YOU, DUMBASS. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU DON'T ENJOY A SAFETY RAZOR OR BOTTLE OF SCOTCH OR FOOTBALL? MALES LIKE THEM! YOU ARE DEFECTIVE AS A MALE!

So, if you want to risk sending that message to the men in your life, by all means get them something that "men love."

*I don't actually desire one this year, as I'm not scheduled to teach stats again next time.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:12 AM on November 17, 2010 [9 favorites]


I honestly don't see how this is any chattier than the tea party AskMe with 48 comments (yes, this is the second time I've mentioned it but, as a social scientist, it really grinds my gears).
posted by proj at 10:13 AM on November 17, 2010


We were like the apostles of rye.

Well, what brands?
posted by jgirl at 10:14 AM on November 17, 2010


I am not a man, but I would like a copy of Andrew Gelman's Teaching Statistics: A Bag of Tricks. Wait, does this disqualify as a gift for men then?
posted by needled at 10:19 AM on November 17, 2010


>You realize they don't think as a unit, right?

No, but we all think with our unit. Shop accordingly!
posted by gman at 10:19 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


There are two things that all men, regardless of race, color, creed, or sexual preference, enjoy:
Rocketships
Blowjobs
posted by Mister_A at 10:23 AM on November 17, 2010 [12 favorites]


Generally for these random gender based gifts you need to consider the age thing. I find with the men in my life that the ones under 21 are more into things with scorpions and flaming skulls on them whereas the guys I know in their 40s are more like, no, I am kinda over the flaming skulls and have moved right on to plain, classic leather. This is why doing all your Christmas shopping at Spencer Gifts is so damn problematic.

As a woman myself I heartily endorse the buying of the bottle of the bourbon. Knob Creek will do.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:23 AM on November 17, 2010


The most awesome, thoughtful and useful present I have received in the last 5 or so years was an insulated lunch box. (I'm a guy)

NOO. Don't you realize that by doing this, we are responding to the OP's original question and they are getting exactly what they want?!

Sometimes, when I'm sad, I think of the bicycle repair stand I got for christmas last year, and it makes me happy
posted by Think_Long at 10:25 AM on November 17, 2010


I was asking what men would consider a Great Christmas gift this year.

I only celebrate Mediocre Christmas.
posted by SpiffyRob at 10:30 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Here's what men really want:

A Notion Ink Adam
A 37" 120Hz LCD 1080p HDTV with LED backlighting (not edgelighting)
An Archos 32
All the Gail Simone Birds of Prey graphic novels
Atomic Robo Vol. 1 #6
All three volumes of Kline's Mathematical Thought from Ancient to Modern Times
A short wheelbase under-seat-steering recumbent without suspension

... or maybe that's just me.
posted by Zed at 10:30 AM on November 17, 2010


Speaking as a man, I think that what I want for Christmas is the absence of various things.
posted by ardgedee at 10:32 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


"Well, what brands?"

Old Overholt is the standard in the house. Old Potrero is fantastic (from Anchor Brewing) but a little costly to be an everyday drink. Michter's is also really tasty. Pikesville and Rittenhouse have good reputations, but I find them to be a little flatter in taste than the Old Overcoat. The Ri stuff is OK, but pretentious. Jim Beam will do in a pinch.

Those are the easiest ones to buy. I think I'd have to go back to my notes from the last time I was at Seven Grand to tell you some of the smaller batch stuff, but that's generally what I do when I go some place that has more than one rye, is just try a bunch of them. Unfortunately, their popularity has also increased the price on a lot of the "artisanal" ryes, making them beyond my price range.
posted by klangklangston at 10:33 AM on November 17, 2010 [9 favorites]


There are two things that all men, regardless of race, color, creed, or sexual preference, enjoy:
Rocketships
Blowjobs


not in that order
posted by victors at 10:33 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Oh, and the Hudson Valley ryes I've had have been amazing, but I can't justify $50 for half a pint, so I don't think I'll be trying their top shelf any time soon.
posted by klangklangston at 10:35 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Half a fifth, rather.
posted by klangklangston at 10:36 AM on November 17, 2010


I worked in a book store for several years. Inevitably, during the Xmas rush, someone would come in and ask "What's a good book for my husband/wife/son/daughter?" and then proceed to provide me with no further hints, but would continue to stare at me pie-eyed waiting for intoned wisdom that they expected to emanate from my person. If I was in a good mood (rather rare in retail during Xmas), I would grill them for interests or hobbies, but generally I would cheerfully reply "No idea" and walk away as quickly as possible. I was a rather sarcastic bookstore employee.
posted by doctor_negative at 10:40 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


*now will pinheadedly have to give men a nice Xmas card*
posted by Cranberry at 10:42 AM on November 17, 2010


I just tried to explain to the guy in the office across from mine what I'm laughing at. Once again, it just went so so poorly, especially when I got to the Rocketships, Blowjobs part.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:53 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


one man told me about Merkur razors. Another said he would like an experience.

another showed me the tool belt.


I am a man - I don't need any tools, I just bought a new shaver, and I prefer long lasting physical objects over transient experiences.

This is why your questions is useless.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 10:58 AM on November 17, 2010


I find the random capitalization--not the caps lock, just the capitalization--of random words really disorienting.

When I see English that has capitals where capitals generally aren't found, I pretend it's German. When I see English that lacks capitals where capitals should be, I pretend it's French. This beats having to actually learn other languages.

posted by maudlin at 10:59 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


And also why my grammars is useless.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 10:59 AM on November 17, 2010


Consumables, not durables. Experiences not stuff. Transience, not permanence. Sensuality, not conspicuous expenditure. Good whisky, wine and cigars. Fine foods. A trip to a great restaurant or hotel. Concert tickets. A surprise holiday.That's the kind of guy I am, ladies. Oh wait... you mean we're talking about it not doing it? Huh. Story of my bloody life.

All I really want for Christmas this year is to share it with idest, terrapin and turtlegirl. And what are the chances of that happening? Ridiculous!
posted by Decani at 11:02 AM on November 17, 2010


Hey, is this the right queue for the rocketjob?
posted by Dano St at 11:09 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


treating gender as binary is offensive to a great many of us here who don't feel we're all the way one way or another.

yes, there are stereotypical gender roles, and yes, around the holidays people start fixating on those things, but there's a million places you can go online to find the answers you wanted. "not appropriate for metafilter" doesn't mean "you're bad and wrong for asking" just that "this isn't a good fit for the site." for instance - go to your favorite online shopping site, type into the search bar "gifts for men" and browse a little*.



*i think it's sort of funny that the very first result on that list shows the inherent problem with thinking of gender as binary - you're a man? you must love insulting women!
posted by nadawi at 11:10 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


oh, and i do know men who hate blowjobs. also: i'm a woman and i got a great bottle of whiskey recently from my male cousin. i don't think either of us ever thought "huh, that is one manly gift!"
posted by nadawi at 11:14 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


There are two things that all men, regardless of race, color, creed, or sexual preference, enjoy:
Rocketships
Blowjobs


I thought the Great Council of Man-Men decreed that this year we're all supposed to like dirigibles and rim jobs.

Please clarify ASAP; I'm making my Amazon wish list.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 11:15 AM on November 17, 2010


Old Overholt is the standard in the house... Jim Beam will do in a pinch.

I'm just the reverse; I actually prefer Jim Beam (which after trying a bunch of the different higher-shelf offerings surprised the hell out of me too.) and I keep a bottle of Overcoat on standby. Seems to work and it's a lot less expensive than my bourbon experimentation days.
posted by quin at 11:17 AM on November 17, 2010


treating gender as binary is offensive to a great many of us here who don't feel we're all the way one way or another.

That's not why the question was deleted. If treating gender as a binary was a criterion for deletion, a great many questions would be deleted that are not deleted. Treating gender as a binary doesn't make a question inappropriate for metafilter.

The question was deleted because a determination was made that it was chatfilter.
posted by Kwine at 11:21 AM on November 17, 2010


oh i wasn't speaking to why it was deleted, i was speaking to why the blow back in this thread which she seems to really, really, really not get.
posted by nadawi at 11:23 AM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


>oh, and i do know men who hate blowjobs.

and those would be the same men who have no use for oxygen.
posted by gman at 11:29 AM on November 17, 2010


"I'm just the reverse; I actually prefer Jim Beam (which after trying a bunch of the different higher-shelf offerings surprised the hell out of me too.) and I keep a bottle of Overcoat on standby. Seems to work and it's a lot less expensive than my bourbon experimentation days."

The Beam is sweeter and less spicy than the Overcoat, but yeah, they're both surprisingly good for relatively cheap ryes.
posted by klangklangston at 11:34 AM on November 17, 2010


I notice in the tags you have both "gender" and "specific". These two things do not go together.
posted by domo at 11:55 AM on November 17, 2010


I AM A MAN, and I say that you should get them a copy of Andrew Gelman's Teaching Statistics: A Bag of Tricks.

I am a friend of Andrew Gelman's and I say you should get this for ALL THE MEN on your Gift List.

And tell Andrew I sent you.

klangklangston, I am also an Apostle of Rye. I have a weird and un-monetizable ability to spot trends just before they get big (which is annoying, because it leads to things like me looking everywhere for an argyle sweater two years ago, and now being So Over argyle when it is cheap and plentiful).

And like all apostles, I'm going to get all sectarian on your ass and say that the best affordable rye out there is Sazerac Straight.

Also, I was out pubcrawling with the brother (WHO IS A MAN and who wants a Crock-Pot for Xmas) earlier in the week, and I forced a bartender to make me a Red Hook-and-soda and I have to say that that shit was awesome.

In other rye news, a bartender friendquaintance said that his preferred at-home tipple was San Pellegrino Limonata with rye; I would suggest that Schweppes Bitter Lemon and Sazerac Straight is pretty much one of the best things you will ever have had in your whole mouth.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:17 PM on November 17, 2010 [7 favorites]


Also, while I'm promoting my friends' stuff on MeTa, my friend Dan Hart (a Man!) has a great holiday record, Santa God and Other Blasphemies. Available through his website and CD Baby.

I can objectively say that if there is one thing that Men Want for Xmas, it is a combo pack of Andrew Gelman's Teaching Statistics and Dan Hart's Santa God and Other Blasphemies.

They also make nice Hanukkah gifts, if that's your holiday of choice.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:22 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


High West Rocky Mountain rye, please. Some of my favorite bartenders are infatuated with this stuff and have turned me on to the beauty of rye.

Also, I like Bulleit. Same bartenders make a Brown Derby with Bulleit & grapefruit juice and it is super yum.
posted by catlet at 12:38 PM on November 17, 2010


I was astonished to discover how many of the men would select an experience rather than stuff!

Spend your money on doing things rather than owning things.
posted by hippybear at 12:41 PM on November 17, 2010


I'm not wild about Sazerac. It's more expensive than Overcoat, Rittenberg and Pikesville, and is too sweet to make a proper Sazerac, and I kinda feel like if you're gonna name your liquor after a cocktail, you should damn sure be optimizing that liquor for that cocktail.

Most of what I drink with rye are Manhattans, or just neat, but I also like it with lemon juice, simple syrup and a dash of bitters. Or pomegranate syrup and cherry juice, lately. Which is also fantastic with gin.

And I find that about any two/three ingredient rye drink is enhanced by a splash of Cointreau (which I got from MeFite MrZarquon.)

But maybe we need to set up a website called Drink More Rye.
posted by klangklangston at 12:50 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Drink More Gin!

But rye is very nice. (But mmmmm, gin.)
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:54 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


odds are giving a bottle of high-quality bourbon to a man will go over very well, where giving it to a woman, um, probably won't.

This is absolutely true. Everyone knows all of us women prefer single malt Scotch.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:56 PM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


Since I get LSD-like 'flashbacks' simply from eating Rytak, I continue to suspect that rye whiskeys in general are subliminally, if not overtly, hallucinogenic.
posted by jamjam at 12:59 PM on November 17, 2010


Where the hell do you find the Pikesville? I've been drinking the Rittenhouse bottled-in-bond for a few years, and sometimes the Sazerac, but I have never once seen the Pikesville, and I'd like to try it, if only because (and I'm too lazy to find this) Miguel once spoke highly of it many years back on this site.
posted by enn at 1:00 PM on November 17, 2010


Oh, and I don't know if bourbon is like totally uncool now or something, but you should all try the W. L. Weller 12-year — it's a wheat bourbon so it's basically the opposite of rye but if you're in the mood it it's great, and dirt-cheap for its age.
posted by enn at 1:03 PM on November 17, 2010


Fuck if I'd know where to go in Chicago for it, but the Pikesville is made by the same folks who make Rittenhouse, so the places that have one (The Winehouse, Cap'n Cork) around here usually have the other too.
posted by klangklangston at 1:11 PM on November 17, 2010


I mean, try Bevmo or any liquor warehouse places that'll sell to the public, as you can usually get a pretty good deal. But I remember Illinois being pretty crazy on the liquor distribution end (the explanation I always heard was that they were entirely mobbed up and that the mob used the law to protect their monopolies).
posted by klangklangston at 1:12 PM on November 17, 2010


I am always ready to Drink More Rye and to Drink More Gin.

It is so hard, Internet, being someone who really only has the alcohol tolerance for 3-5 drinks a week and yet being someone who loves herself some cocktails. Weep for my pain.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:33 PM on November 17, 2010


I love gin. Whiskey and scotch are nice, too. Thanks, all, now I'll suggest my bro lay in some rye for Thanksgiving.

I can't drink much either, Sidhedevil. It screws up my sleep.

And I had no idea Spencer Gifts still exists.
posted by jgirl at 1:43 PM on November 17, 2010


and those would be the same men who have no use for oxygen.

The activity which you speak of could be seen as limited in the sense that focus is only upon a single part of the male body. Sure, it's a particularly sensitive part, but isn't that boring on some level?

The male body has all these other sensitive parts, she (or he) has all these other parts, wouldn't it be more fun if all those various parts were engaged also? Some would say no. Others would say yes. So it goes.
posted by nomadicink at 1:45 PM on November 17, 2010


It is so hard, Internet, being someone who really only has the alcohol tolerance for 3-5 drinks a week and yet being someone who loves herself some cocktails. Weep for my pain

I weep not for you, because this allows you to have the budget for quality over quantity. This is a feature, not a bug.
posted by davejay at 1:45 PM on November 17, 2010


What is so great about Metafilter is that this rambling and occasionally irate MeTa has brought the Ginerians and the Ryefolk together, all in the spirit of together togetherness. Together.

God bless us, every one.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 1:53 PM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


De-railing the alcoholic conversation a bit...

Yes I know where it is
but some of us others don't. Someone said this already.
I want to know why it's chatty
How I've observed chatfilter handling here, it's not necessarily about that the question is chatty but that it has the potential to generate chat in the answers. That should really not be too hard to understand.
(Or phrased otherwise, it is much less about you than about us, sort of.)

[that said, ain't it peculiar that the tread was shut down precisely just after I had written down - and meticulously linked to - my dearest Christmas wish? No wonder a man develops some paranoia around here]
posted by Namlit at 2:03 PM on November 17, 2010


Why is there no love for Templeton?
posted by crush-onastick at 2:11 PM on November 17, 2010


Most of what I drink with rye are Manhattans...

Every evening my parents have Manhattans. My grandmother's favorite Winter cocktail was a "Rye and Ginger." I enjoy both.
posted by ericb at 2:11 PM on November 17, 2010


Let's all celebrate how awesome Namlit's Dearest Christmas Wish is. Because yeah, that looks awesome.

I wish I had a house big enough to do the railroad thing, because I love that whole scene so much. As does my Oldest Goddaughter, who is also not a Man.

Namlit, I wish I had a million dollars, because I would buy you one of those in a heartbeat.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:15 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


But Namlit, you want the model with the interior lighting, right? Because without the interior lighting, it would be infinitely less awesome.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:16 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Aaah thanks, yes I love me some interior lighting. Waiting for it every day especially in these dark times.
posted by Namlit at 2:21 PM on November 17, 2010


my answers could range from "a KitchenAid mixer" to "a massage" to "a Mossberg shotgun with the serial numbers machined off".

Anything KitchenAid rocks my man's world.
posted by blucevalo at 2:28 PM on November 17, 2010


God bless us, every one.
posted by Admiral Haddock


Oh, bite me.

just kidding
posted by marxchivist at 2:47 PM on November 17, 2010


"no one I know is pinheaded enough to not make that intellectual leap of seeing something in that list that they could buy for anyone."

Ok, but what about half of everyone?
posted by iamkimiam at 3:16 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


AuntieRuth, a lot of people here don't share your assumptions about what makes a gift be suitable for men. (To these people, me included, there's a very wide range of gifts that are suitable for specific men in our lives, including gifts like: pink socks with rainbows on them, Disney cartoons, cookbooks, music by female pop singers, or other things that might seem conventionally feminine.)

If you want to repost the question, maybe you should say up front that you want new ideas for "men who like conventionally masculine things like: fishing, golf, hunting, big dogs, watches, pens, cameras, gadgets, cars, tools, leather shoes belts or wallets, neckties, James Bond movies, Tom Clancy novels, nothing pink, nothing cutesy" or whatever you think of as "conventionally masculine". That gives people some common ground to work with, rather than coming from the all-over-the-map place of "for men".
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:24 PM on November 17, 2010


If someone posted 'What are great gifts for women?' then some users would be pissed off, because women like different things. The generic present for women seems to be toiletries/bath stuff (not sure what it is for men to be honest - socks?) or something pink, but if you asked 100 women what they like getting, you'd get 100 different answers. If you asked 100 women what bath stuff they'd like, then you;d get different answers there, too. I'd really like a Leatherman, a sewing machine and a new copy of Ulysses, but I am but one woman.

Men are no different. I had a look at that thread and most of it I wouldn't buy for the man in my life or for my nephews, as they're just not their thing. For our first Christmas together I got my SO a scarf and appliqued an owl to it - is that a Gift For Men? Or the JD Sports voucher I got my nephew? Different strokes for different folks. And if you really have no idea what to get someone, get them a fancy version of something they already like, or some nice chocolate.
posted by mippy at 3:32 PM on November 17, 2010


Upon looking at your question: it is also a problem to phrase your question as "what would YOU like?" rather than "I have several men in my life who like x, y, z; what are some new ideas for things I could get for THEM?"

The phrasing of "what would you like?" sounds like polling the audience for their personal answers, where every answer is equally good -- which called "chatty" and is not allowed here.

The phrasing of "what would a person who likes x, y, z like?" has some more objectivity possible in the answers, not all answers are equally good.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:38 PM on November 17, 2010


The MAN who lives in my house has an interesting quirk: when he finds what he wants for Christmas, he tries to think of who to give it to. We're working on the "Gifts are for the recipient" thing - he tends to give things that he would like and kinda forgets that other people aren't him. Last year it was the Frank Lloyd Wright Legos (No, your brother does NOT want them, no, he really doesn't. [He did, the MAN of my house, not his brother, receive both the Guggenheim and Fallingwater sets after I dropped hints with various relatives, I am not totally heartless.]) This year? It's a theramin.

A THERAMIN. My husband is trying to decide who in his life wants a THERAMIN. His brother? His sister in law? *My* mom? The correct answer is no one. No one but him wants a theramin for Christmas. And he can't have one. Because I will go insane. I can deal with Legos, but no way am I inviting a THERAMIN into my home.

So. There you have it. Judging by what he wants for Christmas, my husband is approximately ten years old and if you want to draw conclusions: MEN want THERAMINS.
posted by sonika at 4:29 PM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


Hey, your husband? He and I should totally become friends because I'd love a theramin.
posted by klangklangston at 4:39 PM on November 17, 2010


PS: I should mention he can't have a theramin because we're having a baby in March, not because I'm some kind of soul-sucker. There is only so much noise that one 1BR apartment can handle.

And klang, I'll pass it on that if he wants to give someone a theramin this year - you're the man.

posted by sonika at 4:46 PM on November 17, 2010


i dunno - babies really like theremins. think of it as father/child musical bonding!
posted by nadawi at 4:52 PM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


You wanna give this man a gift? Gimme a week without a pointless three-digit-plus commet meta thread. Ho ho fucking ho.
posted by jonmc at 5:00 PM on November 17, 2010


Auntieruth...never stop fighting.

They're all wrong.
All of them.

Welcome to metatalk.
posted by hal_c_on at 5:05 PM on November 17, 2010


Father/child can musically bond all they like when we have a bigger house! He can give the baby all the theremins he wants once I am not stuck in the same room with the music and the bonding. Just not. this. year. I'm not entirely sure how we're going to stay sane with two adults, two cats, and one baby in this apartment in the first place - no need to add a theremin.

We're moving next summer. He can get a theremin for his birthday in August if he still wants one. Maybe by then he'll be asking for a Tesla Coil.
posted by sonika at 5:08 PM on November 17, 2010


how we're going to stay sane with two adults, two cats, and one baby in this apartment in the first place - no need to add a theremin.

Put the two cats in the room with the theremin. That's a fucking YouTube video waiting to happen.
posted by jonmc at 5:09 PM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


jonmc: YouTube has you covered.
posted by sonika at 5:20 PM on November 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


God, how I hate rocket ships.
posted by YamwotIam at 5:24 PM on November 17, 2010


I love this thread. Also, I think the comment about "getting all the men scented bath products" was tongue in cheek. It is much funnier that way.
posted by salvia at 5:29 PM on November 17, 2010


Oh well. Nothing I can think that cant be thunk.
posted by jonmc at 5:42 PM on November 17, 2010


Does that mean you want a Fishing Vest for Christmas, jonmc? Or perhaps a desk caddy? Speaking as A MAN, of course...
posted by salvia at 5:49 PM on November 17, 2010


(Ok, that was a total non sequitur. This thread made me kind of slap happy.)
posted by salvia at 5:54 PM on November 17, 2010


Don't buy the men-scented bath products, because it's all variations on a theme of sweaty balls.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:11 PM on November 17, 2010


Don't buy the men-scented bath products, because it's all variations on a theme of sweaty balls.

No, 't ain't.
posted by gingerest at 6:31 PM on November 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


Still unsure how this original AskMe is chatfilter but all the endless stream of "name my X" AskMes aren't.

I mean, come on.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 6:45 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


What's all this bullshit talk about men wanting bourbon or rye?

NOT ALL MEN ARE USIAN!
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:59 PM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Best I can tell, the endless stream of 'name my x' questions are not chatfilter because there's a specific problem to be solved.

They are, however, to be avoided.
posted by box at 7:11 PM on November 17, 2010


You know what's a great drink for the holidays? A sidecar. Made correctly, it's just the right amount of sweet to feel really cheerful without being so sweet that it makes you regret that last slice of pie.
posted by stoneweaver at 8:22 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Let's see, last time I checked, probably a year ago or more, we had over 400 threads tagged "gift" on AskMe.

Ah yes, now we're up to 912. Surely at least some of those threads involve gifts for men.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:36 AM on November 18, 2010


Don't buy the men-scented bath products, because it's all variations on a theme of sweaty balls.

Hm that reminds me, here are some good Gifts for a Man. Viking Odorant, Cod scented!

While I'm here, please allow me to humbly retract my earlier statement classifying whiskey as a Man Gift. Thank you once again, Metafilter, for educating me about one of my unexamined gender assumptions - that only men can be discerning drunkards! Also for the lessons about rye, which I'll be exploring in more depth without delay.

Seems like all this calls for a Mefi whiskey tasting - a DrinkUp? (Like, even more booze-focused than a normal Meetup...)
posted by a young man in spats at 5:26 AM on November 18, 2010


I had an Aunt Ruth who was the biggest Mets fan that you would have ever met.


p.s. if you're buying everyone a bottle, Eagle Rare is very nice.
posted by octothorpe at 7:37 AM on November 18, 2010


even more booze-focused than a normal Meetup...

That's possible? mind...blown....
posted by catlet at 7:38 AM on November 18, 2010


Theremin bra. You know, for your man.
posted by Sailormom at 7:45 AM on November 18, 2010


God, how I hate rocket ships.

Girl!
posted by Mister_A at 7:49 AM on November 18, 2010


even more booze-focused than a normal Meetup...

Only one of the three MeFi meetups that I've been to had any significant drinking; I think that I was the only one who even had a beer at the last one. We must be doing it wrong.
posted by octothorpe at 7:50 AM on November 18, 2010


Greg Nog: ""a Mossberg shotgun with the serial numbers machined off".

Looking forward to this answer in the next "What do I need to improve my relationship?" ask.me
"

Considering I actually suggested in the thread more ammo for my 9mm, I think asking for the gun too makes some sense. Nothing says "Love you, babe" more than a box of ammo. That my friends is trust.
posted by AugustWest at 8:42 AM on November 18, 2010


AuntieRuth: Here I will try to give you an answer (to the implied meta-question) that is worthy of Ask Metafilter.

I'm not sure of the question you're trying to ask--that is, I'm not sure of the *more specific* question that would make it possible to unambiguously suggest a more clearly worded question. But here are my two guesses. (By the way, I struggle with gift selection too; I can have very uncreative stretches).

1. "What is a generic gift that would be suitable for most men?" If you're asking this question, it's an interesting challenge but practically unanswerable in its current form. Even some information such as whether (for example) it's for your office's gift exchange--or instead your nephew starting college--would help a lot to narrow it down sufficiently. Personally, I find the idea of picking a gift for a gift exchange for an office rather challenging (but tractable), and I can imagine it's a potentially good question for Ask Metafilter. But, of course, this question is answered by millions of people annually, so the more constraints you provide the better the recommendations will be (and the more likely it's a good question).

2. "There's this guy in my life who I want to buy a gift, but I don't know what to get him!" I'm guessing this is the question you were more likely trying to ask, because of your comment about the car. This question will be much easier to answer--like the previous one--with more information about the recipient. Also, of course, the more unique the question, the better of a question it tends to be (to a point).
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 10:10 AM on November 18, 2010


I had an Aunt Ruth who was the biggest Mets fan that you would have ever met.

My Aunt Ruth was Babe Ruth's stenographer when he lived in Sudbury, Mass. So my Aunt Ruth and your Aunt Ruth would have had to have a fight.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:50 AM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


The answer for both men and women is extension cords. There is not one person who has lived with electricity since the first extension cord was invented who hasn't found themselves at one time or another in need of at least one more extension cord.
Not. One.
posted by vapidave at 11:21 AM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


If the man or woman in your life is a traveler, one of those mini-cords you can plug into a [rare] wall outlet at the airprot and then share the eectric love with others is a great idea.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:23 AM on November 18, 2010


I for one welcome our new PowerSquid overlords.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:55 AM on November 18, 2010


These bad boys right here are under 5 bucks, and they are wicked tiny. Mine never leaves my travel bag.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 12:12 PM on November 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


The meat of the problem is that you're being too vague. You have a group of people for whom you need to buy gifts. The only thing they have in common is that they're men. Well enough, but if you consider all of those people as being in the same category, obviously the problem is impossible to resolve.

Instead, you could get good answers by breaking this down into a series of questions:

"What can I get a football fan?"
"What can I get a "Lost" fan?"
"What can I get someone who really likes bacon?"

At the very least, if you're talking about a bunch of men you work with, you can ask "What can I get an Accounts Receivable clerk?" or "What can I get a technical writer?"

If you don't know someone well enough to know anything about them other than that they are male, then get them all cookie baskets and be done with it. Everyone likes cookies.
posted by ErikaB at 4:41 PM on November 18, 2010


Does that mean you want a Fishing Vest for Christmas, jonmc? Or perhaps a desk caddy? Speaking as A MAN, of course...

Nah, just send a bottle of Root.
posted by jonmc at 5:17 PM on November 18, 2010


On the day I got my tooth,
I had to kiss my Great Aunt Ruth.
She had a beard and it felt weird.

She had a beard and it felt weird?

She had a beard!
posted by IndigoRain at 12:20 AM on November 19, 2010


If you don't know someone well enough to know anything about them other than that they are male, then get them all cookie baskets and be done with it. Everyone likes cookies.

Oh man, here comes a massive Atkins/paleo/low-carb derail!
posted by Greg Nog at 5:11 AM on November 19, 2010


My Aunt Ruth was Babe Ruth's stenographer when he lived in Sudbury, Mass.

Was she involved at all in pushing his piano into Willis Pond?
posted by ericb at 12:06 PM on November 19, 2010


I know what boys like
I know what guys want

but I'm not telling
posted by askmehow at 9:15 PM on November 22, 2010


It's clearly late in the thread, but when I saw this AskMe post, I knew I had to reference it here. That is a much better way to ask a question which looks similar.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 12:17 PM on December 1, 2010


« Older MeTa Culpa   |   Cookssource and Internet Publishing Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments