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"Matt says that garbage grossness does not transfer"
July 6, 2011 11:52 AM   Subscribe

Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split household chores right down the middle, except when it comes to garbage duty. Does the person taking out the trash have "garbage hands" that are only suitable to replace the trash bag and deal with all matters dirty? Judge John Hodgman decides!
posted by staggernation to MetaFilter-Related at 11:52 AM (74 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

Don't forget Exhibit A.
posted by dobbs at 12:15 PM on July 6, 2011


17 is entirely too many lemurs.
posted by scalefree at 12:16 PM on July 6, 2011


Here's also Hodgman's gavel
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:18 PM on July 6, 2011 [3 favorites]


Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split

Crap. I did not see that coming . . .

household chores right down the middle

Whew!

I guess it helps if you read the whole post first.
posted by deadcowdan at 12:20 PM on July 6, 2011 [15 favorites]


What's the music in the background of Exhibit A?
posted by bjrn at 12:22 PM on July 6, 2011


It's a popular french band, Phoenix.
posted by dobbs at 12:24 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]


Onion skins go in the compost, not in the garbage.
posted by ODiV at 12:24 PM on July 6, 2011


Oh. It's North by Phoenix.
posted by bjrn at 12:24 PM on July 6, 2011


Oh man, they cut out the intro where a plumber rang the door bell and I had to bail for 30 seconds. That's what the plumber reference was about.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:25 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oops. Posted too early. Now I'm at the compost part.

Twist!
posted by ODiV at 12:31 PM on July 6, 2011


Ooh, that's a lovely gavel.
posted by galadriel at 12:38 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh man, they cut out the intro where a plumber rang the door bell and I had to bail for 30 seconds. That's what the plumber reference was about.

He fixes the cable?
posted by shakespeherian at 12:42 PM on July 6, 2011 [11 favorites]


Ha it's like an amusing and entertaining version of that Marriage Ref disaster that got cancelled after...

what? It's coming back for a second season?

What the hell Kabletown?
posted by The Whelk at 12:44 PM on July 6, 2011


I see Matt used the ever tricky "socks on hardwood floors" technique, that's worth some extra points right there.
posted by tommasz at 12:47 PM on July 6, 2011


He fixes the cable?

From the Coen Brother's Sizable Book Of Jokes:

MAUDE LEBOWSKI: Jeffrey, your mother is so fat...
THE DUDE [lighting marijuana cigarette]: Hmm?
MAUDE LEBOWSKI: ...that you shouldn't be her-uous.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:00 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]


A friend of mine's ex-girlfriend refused to change out the cat litter. Ever. It was his job instead. Her rational was that she might get pregnant someday and the litter has stuff in it that can hurt your future fetus. I'm all for supporting the crazy, but this woman also worked at an animal shelter and wanted to bring home every cat she possibly could (he won the fight for no new cats, she won the fight for litter removal duties. Think of the children!).

This all said, did I just watch a video of mathowie changing out the trash? Has my life really come to this? This is a dumb case. Of course mahowie should be the one to take out the trash. That's man's work! Now, I am not saying that his wife can't also engage in man's work if she feels so inclined (I am after all a fair minded and evolved individual, but when men shy away from men's work the world will cease to be the place it was when I was growing up. Next his wife will be wearing pants!).
posted by cjorgensen at 1:11 PM on July 6, 2011


Of course mahowie should be the one to take out the trash. That's man's work!

This is why I always take out the trash with my penis.
posted by ODiV at 1:14 PM on July 6, 2011 [11 favorites]


'Garbage hands' and the like completely misses the point. An empty, lined garbage can is at maximum utility; a full one at minimal utility. The point of taking out the trash is to return the can to a state of maximum utility, which means it must also be lined. So the chore cannot be considered complete until the trash bag is replaced.
posted by barrett caulk at 1:15 PM on July 6, 2011 [21 favorites]


Onion skins go in the compost, not in the garbage.

Better yet, they go in a bowl in the freezer to use in soup broth later.
posted by zizzle at 1:16 PM on July 6, 2011


Onion skins go in the compost, not in the garbage.

I think it's time for another discussion about spoilers.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 1:17 PM on July 6, 2011 [5 favorites]


Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split...

I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:24 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.

This is why the flagging menu now includes "NOT NEARLY ENOUGH COGNITIVE SCIENCE" in its choices.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:26 PM on July 6, 2011 [3 favorites]


I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.

I'm not entirely sure who wins in that settlement.
posted by griphus at 1:47 PM on July 6, 2011


Metafilter: Now with slightly fewer bicycle references
posted by shakespeherian at 1:47 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.

Mom got custody but I spend holidays with Dad.

Poor bastard.
posted by Meta Filter at 1:52 PM on July 6, 2011 [6 favorites]


I don't care which partner takes out the trash as long as they do it right. The new bags should be kept in the bottom of the garbage can under the bag in use, where they are immediately at hand when needed, not in some random place elsewhere in the kitchen.
posted by nicwolff at 1:52 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]


Those legs. They're...luminous.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:53 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


I don't care which partner takes out the trash as long as they do it right. The new bags should be kept in the bottom of the garbage can under the bag in use, where they are immediately at hand when needed, not in some random place elsewhere in the kitchen.

I would only grant this in cases where the other person doesn't refuse to take out the garbage, due to a deep-seated revulsion of garbage. If you aren't willing to share in the responsibility, even in theory, then you don't get to be too picky about the rules.
posted by SpacemanStix at 2:12 PM on July 6, 2011


"This is why I always take out the trash with my penis."

You'd be surprised how often that line worked for me back in the day.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:28 PM on July 6, 2011


The Husband takes out the trash, but then he also answers the door and the phone so I can remain cocooned in at-homeness and not have to deal with the outside world. I scrub things in the inside world. It works out.

(Husband does the litter, but only because a few years back I noted that I'd been cleaning the litter on my own for five years, despite his claims of equal ownership in the cats. So he's just doing back-dated litter duty.)
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 2:33 PM on July 6, 2011


Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split...

I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.


That's not nice. Why would you think she lost?
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:35 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]


I heard they only CGI'd mathowie into that podcast for syndication.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:31 PM on July 6, 2011


"But the man I love, when he picks up trash/He puts it in a garbage can..."
posted by Rangeboy at 3:46 PM on July 6, 2011


1. That podcast was awesome. Have you two since sorted your new trash-taking schedule?

2. My high school had a giant gavel like that. Maybe even bigger. We used it exactly once a year, every year, at Model Congress opening ceremonies. And every year we would plan some sort of crazy ceremony in which the gavel would slide down a zip line, or one student would chase another with it, wielding it like an axe, as 400 kids from Long Island were forced to watch. I was Evil Brina in high school, so one year the freshmen did a skit in which I was depicted fighting another girl for the gavel. Everyone thought it was hilarious. Except for me. Because I really wanted to hold that damn gavel. I never did, not once.
posted by brina at 3:48 PM on July 6, 2011


Have you two since sorted your new trash-taking schedule?

Yes! We agreed to follow the Judge's suggestion that if this comes up during dinner prep, she doesn't stand there wondering when I will finish taking out the garbage and gets a bag out, puts the stuff in it, and slides it into the can.

If trash is filled at other parts of the day I just take it out and put the bag in. I'm happy with that arrangement.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 4:16 PM on July 6, 2011


Better yet, they go in a bowl in the freezer to use in soup broth later.

No. Freezer space is much too valuable for old onion skins to go in. Just use new onions for the soup broth, and keep that freezer space for something more valuable.

Like frozen blueberries. Or yeast for that awesome bread recipe.
posted by hal_c_on at 4:28 PM on July 6, 2011


I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.

I'm all for starting rumours about crazy stuff. But ONLY crazy.

"Yeah, did you hear about Metafilter? Well there was this dude, rich, old, eccentric...building this huge house that never ended...tons of rooms. Yeah, like the winchester house. Well his wife divorced his crazy ass. She got his Metafilter in the divorce.

Oh...I don't know, but his name is Matt. His wife got Metafilter in the settlement, changed the password to his account, and then defaced it with 'web dork' and 'total wuss'. Yeah, divorce leaves people bitter."
posted by hal_c_on at 4:37 PM on July 6, 2011


so, your counters are made of paper?
posted by angrycat at 4:37 PM on July 6, 2011


Where is the cast on Mathowie's broken wrist?
posted by Cranberry at 4:42 PM on July 6, 2011


I have the same trash can as #1!
posted by killdevil at 4:44 PM on July 6, 2011


Notice how my hands never touch part of the bag that contained garbage and how the new bag goes in without touching any previously garbaged surface."

MAN!

You are deluding yourself into thinking your hands are clean after that incident. Even though they didn't actually touch part of the bag that contained garbage or the new bag goes in without touching any previously garbaged surface, it is DIRTY in there. You are putting parts of your body in a dirty area.

GERMS! There is even extra bacteria floating around in the AIR NEARBY to the garbage area.
(Of course most of it can't really harm you)

But your hands need a good washing after changing the garbage...even in that video I was thinking "that pasty-legged guy better wash his hands after using hands in the filthy garbage area."

Its bad man, its more icky than harmful...but if you are that sensitive about garbage in that way, you'll want to wash your hands, dirty.
posted by hal_c_on at 4:47 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


/throws a germ at hal_c_on
GERMS!
NEARBY!!
posted by angrycat at 4:54 PM on July 6, 2011


You are putting parts of your body in a dirty area.

That's what she said.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:55 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]


Judge Hodgman's podcast is one of my favorites, this episode was great. I lost it when he made fun of Matt's video.
posted by clearlydemon at 5:20 PM on July 6, 2011


Your wife is a really good sport. I got a laugh when she asked in disbelief, "You have a video of our trash?!"
posted by Houstonian at 5:26 PM on July 6, 2011


GOD I just love this website SOOOO MUUUUCH
posted by penduluum at 5:47 PM on July 6, 2011


Has anyone alerted hodgman that he's been called out here?
posted by shakespeherian at 5:53 PM on July 6, 2011


Well we all know that the kitchen sink is the filthiest thing in the house, but garbage hands are filthy on a psychological/spiritual level.
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:04 PM on July 6, 2011


Has anyone alerted hodgman that he's been called out here?

Of course John Hodgman answered his own askme question.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 6:13 PM on July 6, 2011


The moment you touch a chicken, you've got garbage hands for the rest of your life.
posted by Toekneesan at 6:14 PM on July 6, 2011


Has anyone alerted hodgman that he's been called out here?

Of course John Hodgman answered his own askme question.


John Hodgman is Scott Adams?
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 6:47 PM on July 6, 2011


Hey!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:47 PM on July 6, 2011


...are garbage hands like jazz hands for hobos?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:49 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]


I love John Hodgman so much that I love Matt even more for giving Judge John Hodgman a gavel.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:10 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


The new bags should be kept in the bottom of the garbage can under the bag in use, where they are immediately at hand when needed, not in some random place elsewhere in the kitchen.

For a second I thought that would be a great entry in the "you were doing it wrong" thread, until I realised that a leaky bag would mean you'd have to either wash the spares or throw them out.

Also, you'd have to remove them anyway to wash the inside of the bin. You do all wash your bins, don't you?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:16 PM on July 6, 2011


Double bag it! Only remove the inner bag when it's full, replace it and you'll cut your "bin" (trash can) washing to a few times a year.
posted by Science! at 7:29 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]


oooooooohhhhhh.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:00 PM on July 6, 2011


Has anyone alerted hodgman that he's been called out here?

One doesn't alert hodgman. hodgman knows.
posted by staggernation at 8:01 PM on July 6, 2011


yackety-yack
don't talk back.
posted by clavdivs at 8:02 PM on July 6, 2011


I have cut my trash bin washing to a few times a year just by being kind of a slob.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:10 PM on July 6, 2011


I bet you could make a garbage bot. Hmmm.
posted by effluvia at 9:46 PM on July 6, 2011


I don't actually touch the dog poo when I bag it, but you better believe I wash my hands afterwards.
Dude. It's a trash can. Wash your hands.
Also, those socks. Really?
posted by SLC Mom at 11:23 PM on July 6, 2011


A friend of mine's ex-girlfriend refused to change out the cat litter. Ever. It was his job instead. Her rational was that she might get pregnant someday and the litter has stuff in it that can hurt your future fetus.

Hah. I had a girlfriend who refused offers of help with the catbox on the theory that if she got pregnant in the future, she'd have a whole lot of not-her-turn-to-clean-the-catbox stored up.
posted by hattifattener at 11:34 PM on July 6, 2011


I have the same damn can.
posted by thinkpiece at 4:47 AM on July 7, 2011


An empty, lined garbage can is at maximum utility; a full one at minimal utility. The point of taking out the trash is to return the can to a state of maximum utility, which means it must also be lined. So the chore cannot be considered complete until the trash bag is replaced.

Well put, barrett caulk.
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:17 AM on July 7, 2011


Another mefi post about mathowie's bin? Man.
posted by zamboni at 6:48 AM on July 7, 2011


One of the very few perks of being pregnant was not having to clean the litter box. My husband still cleans it now, since he's finally acclimated to not having to wear a *mask* while doing so, and I have diaper duty.

I think it's a perfectly reasonable division of poop, even if one baby does poop more than two cats. Cat litter is seriously gross.
posted by sonika at 8:58 AM on July 7, 2011


Episode 31? Man, I need to start listening to these. I figured he'd just do a few of them and they'd end up on his next audiobook.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:18 AM on July 7, 2011


sonika, if it makes you feel better, for a while I was in charge of diaper duty, emergency potty problems, cat litter, coop cleaning and dead chicken disposal. I drew the line at dealing with a dead deer. However, with the addition of a dog, I am in charge of getting rid of the groundhogs he kills. Taking out the trash instead? YES, PLEASE.
posted by MonkeyToes at 9:42 AM on July 7, 2011


Someone needs to mock up George Plimpton's Video Trash Lemur next, and really cross the meme streams good.
posted by norm at 11:16 AM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]


Holy Crap! I have the SAME trash can as Mathowie!

Notice the "tuck" motion at the back of the canister - I have been having issues with seeing the edges of the bag - But the "tuck" move fixes that. I'll try that tonight. Thanks Matt!
posted by R. Mutt at 1:22 PM on July 7, 2011


HA! You call that evidence? Who knows what he did in the interim between pulling the strings tight and putting in the new bag? At the very least, he had to have turned the filthy door knob. lifted the disgusting handle of the exterior trash can, and for all we know, he scratched his rump on the way in.

Wash your hands already, mister.
posted by BlueHorse at 8:28 PM on July 8, 2011


Podcast tip: figure out a way to make sure everyone sounds completely different from everyone else.
posted by gjc at 4:43 PM on July 10, 2011


That bag of trash was maybe half full. You're supposed to wait until new trash bounces off.
posted by longsleeves at 10:50 AM on July 12, 2011


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