Best reason for deleting a thread EVER. August 30, 2006 7:14 PM   Subscribe


I hope it wasn't Jessamyn who deleted the thread. If another "crazy girl" has done him wrong he's going to snap.

Note to self: Avoid clock towers.
posted by bondcliff at 7:20 PM on August 30, 2006


Screw the thread and screw AskMe, mattholomew just won the entire fucking internets.
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:21 PM on August 30, 2006


We've had oodles of strange threads and multiple bannings today.

Is it a full moon? Is school starting for a bunch of people and making them antsy?
posted by mathowie (staff) at 7:22 PM on August 30, 2006


Still no flameouts, though. The torches are growing dim, and the pitchforks are losing their steely lustre.
posted by yhbc at 7:25 PM on August 30, 2006 [1 favorite]


Closed before I could give props to ikkyu2.
posted by sourwookie at 7:33 PM on August 30, 2006


Is there a compilation of the reasons given for deletion?

Some of them are amusing and it would be neat to read a whole bunch of them one after another.
posted by mlis at 7:34 PM on August 30, 2006


Maybe some sort of a special "Banned from Metafilter"-themed day could be established or something like that.
posted by clevershark at 7:37 PM on August 30, 2006


moonjuice

it's the goddam moonjuice
posted by cortex at 7:39 PM on August 30, 2006


I spend enough time at bash.org, I don't need DeletedFilter to distract me...

... okay, I do.

I need it baaad.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:41 PM on August 30, 2006


Is there a compilation of the reasons given for deletion?

Well, there's the Deleted Thread blog. The author was, last time I inquired, looking into creating an exhaustive list of threads, but so far it's just the reasons since blog launch.
posted by cortex at 7:41 PM on August 30, 2006 [1 favorite]


Good to see Ikkyu2 back. But I thought he hated us and we were dead to him. Or something.
posted by LarryC at 7:42 PM on August 30, 2006


What is this incredibly delicious sounding moonjuice and where might I obtain enough to coat my entire body?
posted by loquacious at 7:42 PM on August 30, 2006


YOU'RE SOAKING IN IT, BABY

*films moonkakke scene*

posted by cortex at 7:46 PM on August 30, 2006


I WANT TO ANNOUNCE THAT I AM LEAVING METAFILTER FOREVER BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL JERKS.
posted by Krrrlson at 7:53 PM on August 30, 2006


ok, i'm back.
posted by Krrrlson at 7:53 PM on August 30, 2006


Hahah, that question is awsome.
posted by delmoi at 8:22 PM on August 30, 2006


I thought dobbs had the best answer.

Good to see Ikkyu2 back. But I thought he hated us and we were dead to him. Or something.

Very few go through with the threat of leaving.
posted by justgary at 8:25 PM on August 30, 2006


Maybe some sort of a special "Banned from Metafilter"-themed day could be established or something like that.

This comment has "Banned from Metafilter" to the tune of "I lost on Jeopardy" stuck in my head. Now I'll never get to sleep....
posted by blind.wombat at 8:40 PM on August 30, 2006


mattholomew just won the entire fucking internets.

I don't know, Ufez. I still feel like "Why All the Bitches Be Crazy" would have been funnier. Am I a bad person?
posted by nanojath at 8:46 PM on August 30, 2006



I don't know, Ufez. I still feel like "Why All the Bitches Be Crazy" would have been funnier. Am I a bad person?


When you drop "psycoheuristics", the whole Is/Am/Are/Was/Were/Be/Being/Been thing kind of becomes moot.

IMO.
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:56 PM on August 30, 2006


We've had oodles of strange threads and multiple bannings today.

Is it a full moon?


Nope, it's nearing the end of "$30 prize per day" August!

Hey, how about a $30 prize for the best complete flameout? I'd compete!
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 9:09 PM on August 30, 2006


Hey, how about a $30 prize for the best complete flameout?

ok you first
posted by dersins at 10:25 PM on August 30, 2006


It is bucketing down outside, the summer holidays mean that you have been closeted with your loved one for longer than either of you might like and your mother-in-law is on the phone asking if you are going to her for Christmas. It is a recipe for tension and makes today, Aug 30, the day that most couples have arguments, it is claimed.
Relationship experts say that post-holiday depression, domestic chaos, financial strains and lack of sunshine contribute to rows. Paula Hall, a relationship psychotherapist, said: "By August 30 tensions have reached an all-time high, as couples realise their summer is over. This often manifests itself in bickering and needless arguments."
posted by MetaMonkey at 10:47 PM on August 30, 2006


Screw the thread and screw AskMe, mattholomew just won the entire fucking internets.

Nope. Penalty against mattholomew for arousing interest in a tantalising, but imaginary, academic paper. Game recommences. 2 wasted minutes of my life added to penalty time.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:50 PM on August 30, 2006


Am I the only one thinking that the question, framed in a different way, would've been totally legit?

Anyone? Who's with me? Where are my people?
posted by frogan at 10:54 PM on August 30, 2006


I don't know, he posted a pretty similar question before and it didn't get deleted. So I don't know what to tell you.
posted by bob sarabia at 11:04 PM on August 30, 2006


I'm with you, frogan, but suspect that you're actually not.

Women are crazy in such weird ways compared to men. I blame that whole cycle thing. Metafilter being what it is though (political "correctness" coming out of its ass) it's a pretty tough question to phrase to get past the dreadmaster general.

Maybe something like, "[MisogynistFilter] Why won't women do what I say, when I say it, without crying all the time?"
posted by The Monkey at 11:06 PM on August 30, 2006


MLIS - Here are some for you.
posted by tellurian at 11:18 PM on August 30, 2006


Hey people, I'm still around, just trying to minimize my exposure to stupid-related risks. This one was so dumb I couldn't pass it up, though.
posted by ikkyu2 at 11:46 PM on August 30, 2006


Women are crazy in such weird ways compared to men. I blame that whole cycle thing.

See, this totally proves that MetaFilter is, like, such a boyzone.

I mean, obviously, the correct way to phrase the question would have been "why are guys so predictable, boring, and utterly linear?"

Actually, I'm not kidding all that much... To correct Emerson, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds the patriarchy."
posted by Asparagirl at 11:52 PM on August 30, 2006 [1 favorite]


Men's daily hormone ups and downs are greater than women's monthly variations.

It's the DUDES that are totally unpredictable here.
posted by occhiblu at 12:20 AM on August 31, 2006


why are guys so predictable, boring, and utterly linear?

Because medication, for us, means something other than chocolate cake.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:21 AM on August 31, 2006


(ps - sorry about the sexist snark...I'm at a low ebb in my cycle. The sun god is not kind to me. *sobs*)
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:22 AM on August 31, 2006


*stabs thread with butter knife repeatedly*

Please die before we get any more of this hilarity.
posted by mediareport at 12:38 AM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


Oh dear jeebus hold me. I don't know where to begin.
posted by liquorice at 12:38 AM on August 31, 2006


Shush, you women! TO THE MENSTRUAL HUT!
posted by loquacious at 12:55 AM on August 31, 2006 [2 favorites]


Hey, check it out: Japan's unemployment rate fell in July. Pretty sweet.
posted by gramschmidt at 1:12 AM on August 31, 2006


4.1% certainly isn't bad... But, here in New Zealand it's 3.6%. So. You know. We're even more awesome.

Also, I realise I made a little mistake in my earlier post, allow me to correct it here.

"Why won't women girls do what I say, when I say it, without crying all the time?"

Ahh yes, that's much more comfortable.

Ladies?
posted by The Monkey at 2:53 AM on August 31, 2006


*crickets chirping*
posted by loquacious at 3:06 AM on August 31, 2006


DUDES
posted by OmieWise at 5:51 AM on August 31, 2006


Is The Jesse Helms running for mayor of McCrazyville? Because he has definitely has my vote.

I wonder if he knows that we can vote now.
posted by iconomy at 6:05 AM on August 31, 2006


Why won't women girls do what I say, when I say it, without crying all the time?

I will give you something to cry about.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:09 AM on August 31, 2006 [3 favorites]


I might like that.
posted by OmieWise at 6:14 AM on August 31, 2006


why are guys so predictable, boring, and utterly linear?

*puts birthday cake on head, rides unicycle naked through thread in hexoganal pattern*
posted by jonmc at 6:19 AM on August 31, 2006


I knew you were going to do that.
posted by iconomy at 6:20 AM on August 31, 2006



posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 6:33 AM on August 31, 2006


How could I have possibly known that it would be your byline at the end of that image comment, Steven, after only scrolling through the first 10px?

Some men really are boring and predictable…
posted by blasdelf at 6:44 AM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


much lamer stuff hasn't been deleted in the past. because apparently ChatFilter is not OK, but SupportgroupFilter is. whatever.
posted by matteo at 6:48 AM on August 31, 2006


matteo: matt is under no obligation to be logical or consistent. It's his sandbox.
posted by jonmc at 6:51 AM on August 31, 2006


much lamer stuff hasn't been deleted in the past

Much lamer than "All the girls I have gone out with, they have all been insane. Is this typical?"? Amico, there is nothing lamer than that. That is the pure, Platonic essence of lame. But I can see you needed to get a snark at Matt on the record, having picked up the "must snark at Matt continually" baton dropped by quonsar.

*waits for The Jesse Helms to see this thread, become enraged, and flame out gloriously*
posted by languagehat at 7:09 AM on August 31, 2006


Much lamer than "All the girls I have gone out with, they have all been insane. Is this typical?"? Amico, there is nothing lamer than that. That is the pure, Platonic essence of lame.

Now "All the girls I have gone out with, they have all been lame. Is this insane?" would have been interesting...
posted by jonmc at 7:12 AM on August 31, 2006


He has girls who go out with him at all. That is not Platonic, even if often platonic.
posted by alloneword at 7:16 AM on August 31, 2006


He has girls who go out with him at all. That is not Platonic, even if often platonic.

If anything, it's incredibly crippling to my self-esteem.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:38 AM on August 31, 2006


Metafilter: the pure, Platonic essence of lame.
posted by slimepuppy at 7:57 AM on August 31, 2006


having picked up the "must snark at Matt continually" baton dropped by quonsar.

?
posted by matteo at 8:28 AM on August 31, 2006


All the girls I have gone out with, they have all been insane.

it's because the promise of modern technology has let them down



so where's the waterproof houses? ... they're SIX YEARS LATE!!
posted by pyramid termite at 8:30 AM on August 31, 2006 [2 favorites]


Are All Women Nutso, Or Just The Ones I Cheat On My Wife With?

(I actually wrote that headline, and I can testify that, at the time, I did not expect to one day see it turn up as a serious question in AskMe....)
posted by yankeefog at 8:37 AM on August 31, 2006


pyramid termite is going to be embarassed when he finds out just how many MeFites live in tupperware containers.
posted by Kwine at 8:38 AM on August 31, 2006


Now "All the girls I have gone out with, they have all been lame. Is this insane?" would have been interesting...

All the girls I have gone out with, they have all been typical. Is this insane?

All the girls I have been with, they have all gone out. Is this typical?

All the types I have gone out with, they have all been girls. Is this insane?

All the guards I have gone out with, they have all been in, saying "Is this topical?".

All the tropical gourds I'm having, they've all been saying I'm going lame.

All the llamas...

posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:41 AM on August 31, 2006 [4 favorites]


All these girls have gone out with me. Are they insane?
posted by occhiblu at 8:43 AM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


I've gone insane. Where are all the girls?
posted by jonmc at 9:11 AM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


Fyi--insanity has been linked by experts to estrogen.
posted by dios at 9:20 AM on August 31, 2006


It's insane, this girl's taint!
posted by I Foody at 9:26 AM on August 31, 2006


Ha, and estrogen takes its name from estrus, the latin for "gadfly."
posted by frecklefaerie at 9:27 AM on August 31, 2006


Also, hysteria is caused by the uterus snapping loose and floating around inside the vast caverns of the average lady. S'true.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:39 AM on August 31, 2006


In Victorian times women were kept in sherry casks and let out only on Boxing day for a discrete pee and a brisk "think of England."
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:47 AM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


Dear AskMe: My wife has larger feet than the average woman. This makes it more difficult for her to get close to the sink. Should I divorce her or is there a way to fix this?
posted by dios at 9:49 AM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


I have a good idea about where your wife can put her big foot.
posted by taz at 9:51 AM on August 31, 2006


In Victorian times women were kept in sherry casks

which gave them a wonderful, peaty aftertaste...
posted by jonmc at 9:57 AM on August 31, 2006


*sprays self with newly acquired bottle of "Essence de Lame"*

Come and get me Ladies...
posted by patricio at 10:02 AM on August 31, 2006


Dear AskMe: my well-built cabana boy casts aspersions on the masculinity (and genital size) of the male contributers to my favorite online community, claiming that no one secure in the dimensions of their own package would make unsophisticated schoolboy jokes about the fairer sex. Is he insane? If so do you recommend that I acquiesce to the advances of my gardener or the UPS guy? tia.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:05 AM on August 31, 2006 [6 favorites]


claiming that no one secure in the dimensions of their own package would make unsophisticated schoolboy jokes about the fairer sex. Is he insane?

I humbly offer myself as proof that he is, in fact, insane. And the UPS guy is gay, it's all a cover.
posted by jonmc at 10:09 AM on August 31, 2006


Well, you know what they say: What goes UPS must go down.
posted by occhiblu at 10:09 AM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


?

Used to be, the esteemed q couldn't go a day without bitching at Matt in MeTa. Something seems to have calmed him down. Don't worry, I don't really think you've picked up his baton; for one thing, he uses it to scratch the fish in his pants.

This is the best MeTa thread evar! (or since the last flameout, anyway).
posted by languagehat at 10:15 AM on August 31, 2006


I second occhiblu on the UPS... When it absolutely has to get there overnight.
posted by taz at 10:28 AM on August 31, 2006


that's FedEx, taz.
posted by jonmc at 10:31 AM on August 31, 2006


Well surely UPS has a suitable double entendre slogan. This probably isn't it.
posted by taz at 10:49 AM on August 31, 2006


I second occhiblu on the UPS... When it absolutely has to get there overnight.

No, no, when it absolutely has to come overnight.
posted by cortex at 10:51 AM on August 31, 2006


Well surely UPS has a suitable double entendre slogan.

Ummm.... The brown? That's no good either.
posted by occhiblu at 10:58 AM on August 31, 2006


"What can the Brown do for you?" Hmm. Help you save money on morning after pills?
posted by dios at 11:05 AM on August 31, 2006


Actually, "What can Brown do for you?" has been my slogan for quite a few years. UPS stole it from me, and all of India, to be honest. Effing Western corporate bastards trying to rob my homeland of all that is good and sexy.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 11:23 AM on August 31, 2006


"which gave them a wonderful, peaty aftertaste..."


posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:25 AM on August 31, 2006


Dear AskMe: My wife has larger feet than the average woman. This makes it more difficult for her to get close to the sink. Should I divorce her or is there a way to fix this?

Dear reader:

A chance to be a handyman and to impress your sweetie! Remove the doors under the sink and build a small platform level with the cabinet floor. She can then stand on the platform and unfurl her toes into the refreshingly cool pipe area region place (be sure to remove any caustic solvents from the area.)

You'll thank me when she's wrapping those long sexy monkey paws around your torso in grateful ecstasy!
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:26 AM on August 31, 2006




Something seems to have calmed him down.

*uses indelible marker to capitalize every line in an e. e. cummings volume, places it back on shelf*
posted by quonsar at 12:26 PM on August 31, 2006


*strokes goatee nervously*
posted by jonmc at 12:27 PM on August 31, 2006


*strokes goat enervatedly*
posted by sonofsamiam at 12:29 PM on August 31, 2006


Ayn Rand was sexist!
posted by mischief at 12:39 PM on August 31, 2006


what's the matter with being sexy?
posted by jonmc at 12:40 PM on August 31, 2006


I'm kind of bummed that The Jesse Helms' thread was closed before I got the chance to suggest that all of those nutty broads he knows just need a brisk rogering. It *always* cures the crazies.
posted by iconomy at 12:44 PM on August 31, 2006



posted by gramschmidt at 12:51 PM on August 31, 2006


Used to be, the esteemed q couldn't go a day without bitching at Matt in MeTa. Something seems to have calmed him down.

Jesus Christ!
posted by thirteenkiller at 12:56 PM on August 31, 2006


"I'm going to go see what Brown can do for me" is slang for pooping here.
posted by boo_radley at 12:57 PM on August 31, 2006


This finally makes sense.
Little shorts. Rugged blue-collar good looks. Big package.

What can brown do for you today?!?

He’s already doin’ it, baby!
posted by mathowie (staff) at 1:04 PM on August 31, 2006




jonmc 2006
posted by jonmc at 1:07 PM on August 31, 2006


I'm kind of bummed that The Jesse Helms' thread was closed before I got the chance to suggest that all of those nutty broads he knows just need a brisk rogering. It *always* cures the crazies

Just watch out for sand in the vagina. (Or, as we call it back home, "scratchy snatch".)
posted by vetiver at 1:40 PM on August 31, 2006


Sand? Sand is the least of my worries. Centipedes, man! *shudders*
posted by loquacious at 2:17 PM on August 31, 2006


i.e. crawley craw.
posted by sonofsamiam at 2:24 PM on August 31, 2006


have you joined the village people , jon ?
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:43 PM on August 31, 2006


Sand and centipedes are nothing compared to the teeth.
posted by iconomy at 2:52 PM on August 31, 2006


I was going to mention the teeth, but I try to avoid triggering my PTSD.
posted by loquacious at 2:53 PM on August 31, 2006


Goddammit, now I've got "vagina dentata" stuck in my head to the tune of Hakuna Matata.

Again.
posted by frykitty at 2:56 PM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


It's a reasonable question. I've often wondered why all my ex-girlfriends are uber-paranoid psychobitches who throw around restraining orders like candy and don't know how to take a joke and love their pets way too much.
posted by nixerman at 3:07 PM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


You have to love yourself before you can love others, nixerman.
posted by liquorice at 3:14 PM on August 31, 2006


frykitty - Again?!
posted by moira at 3:26 PM on August 31, 2006


frykitty - Again?!

It's a catchy tune! Practically writes itself:

Vagina Dentata
It's the teeth in the twat
Vagina Dentata
Where the cock get caught

It means no penis
For the rest of your days
It'll bite it off
Whilst you're getting off

Vagina dentata!
posted by cortex at 3:29 PM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


Christ, I rhymed "off" with "off". Get languagehat in here to punch that up.
posted by cortex at 3:29 PM on August 31, 2006


cortex, you going to put that to music?
posted by moira at 3:32 PM on August 31, 2006


No. A thousand times no.
posted by cortex at 3:41 PM on August 31, 2006


Methinks you already did and are holding out on us.
posted by yeti at 3:45 PM on August 31, 2006


No. A thousand times no.

Oh, god yes. Fuck, man, I'll blow you if you do.

God knows I'm never going to be able to fully love a woman ever again after reading that, much less sleep peacefully.
posted by loquacious at 3:47 PM on August 31, 2006


No, I've already got that fucking thing stuck in my head. I think frykitty should record it, as pennance. That goddam hedgehog dancing around my head! Singing! I wish I'd never thought up the first couplet.
posted by cortex at 3:52 PM on August 31, 2006


Hedgehog, warthog. Whatever. And that ferret thing he hung out with. I'm just going to think about Snow Crash instead until I cleanse the devil in my brain that sings the songs.
posted by cortex at 3:59 PM on August 31, 2006


Hedgehog, warthog. Whatever.

Hey there's a difference, you know. One of them has a tendency to gets its head stuck in things. The other has a tendency to SING about heads getting stuck in things.
posted by dersins at 4:11 PM on August 31, 2006


Great. Now I have it stuck in my head, but to the tune of the Pina Colada song:

If you like vagina dentata,

and getting caught in the pain...

posted by taz at 4:44 PM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


Inna-vagina-dentata baby.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:54 PM on August 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


*strokes goatse nauseatedly*
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:18 PM on August 31, 2006


Where's mr. Helms at? I am curious to see how he is receiving all of this.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:24 PM on August 31, 2006


I think I found the antidote for all this. Vagina dentata with ...braces!

That didn't work at all. And this being the internet it's probably already some kind of well developed fetish.
posted by loquacious at 8:24 PM on August 31, 2006


Wow, I wish I hadn't been busy yesterday. This thread is glorious.
posted by blacklite at 9:04 PM on August 31, 2006


pyramid termite is going to be embarassed when he finds out just how many MeFites live in tupperware containers.

i knew a lot of people around here didn't have their lids on tight
posted by pyramid termite at 9:18 PM on August 31, 2006



posted by loquacious at 10:25 PM on August 31, 2006


Why are women vaginas sometimes wound so tightly? Is this typical?
posted by Zack_Replica at 12:09 AM on September 1, 2006


Bad thing?
posted by liquorice at 12:17 AM on September 1, 2006


Well, sure it opens up a whole new level to the term "to screw", but the money spent on lube is killing me.
posted by Zack_Replica at 12:32 AM on September 1, 2006


Since you were all waiting for me, here I am.

1. acquiesce is one of the most lovely words...

2. Here's another reason why I hate it when threads are deleted: If the internet is to become our new society; and society is the mechanism by which we understand ourselves; then internet censorship and the elimination of specific values and perspectives from it will fundamentally prevent us from knowing ourselves.

This is ewkpates Stang. Think about it.
posted by ewkpates at 4:03 AM on September 1, 2006


ergo, the idea of internet becoming our new society is ludicrous to the max. besides, those lacking in self-knowledge can turn to television.
posted by quonsar at 5:30 AM on September 1, 2006


If the internet is to become our new society

no, people yakking on cell phones are our new society
posted by pyramid termite at 6:19 AM on September 1, 2006


If the internet is to become our new society; and society is the mechanism by which we understand ourselves; then internet censorship and the elimination of specific values and perspectives from it will fundamentally prevent us from knowing ourselves.

Not that I don't love semicolons, but by your logic we should all poop with the door open and fuck on the subway. The internet is part of our existing society, it just doesn't have norms we all agree on, clearly.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:07 AM on September 1, 2006


...by your logic we should all poop with the door open and fuck on the subway.

What, you don't?!

Weirdo.
posted by romakimmy at 7:20 AM on September 1, 2006


Not that I don't love semicolons

NERD BURN!
posted by sonofsamiam at 7:45 AM on September 1, 2006


Dear AskMe: . . . . do you recommend that I acquiesce to the advances of my gardener or the UPS guy?

I recommend setting your sights higher and being more ambitious.

Try a whole company of well-built firemen.
posted by jason's_planet at 8:26 AM on September 1, 2006


i hear firemen have big hoses
posted by pyramid termite at 11:19 AM on September 1, 2006


I just want to say that I love you all.

IN THE BUTT
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:30 PM on September 1, 2006



posted by mbrubeck at 8:34 PM on September 1, 2006


DNAB, I think you mean "IN THE BROWN."
posted by SassHat at 8:41 PM on September 1, 2006


Holy god, mbrubeck. I applaud the effort, and the lyrics scan better than mine as well.
posted by cortex at 9:57 PM on September 1, 2006


If this isn't on Music by the end of the weekend, I want my 5 bucks back.
posted by graventy at 10:08 AM on September 2, 2006


cortex, that is an actual panel from an actual web comic. One that is sadly, but necessarily, ended.

The one with the blue hair is male.
posted by QIbHom at 11:02 PM on September 2, 2006


Wow. I am, then, stunned in an entirely different fashion.
posted by cortex at 7:25 AM on September 3, 2006


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